Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Disney characters of that magical world but I enjoy writing about this site lets me do so!

Chapter 19- Wonderment

ADAM'S POV

"Okay, spill it," Eric demanded, hands on waist waiting for a reply as I closed the door of my room.

"I have no idea what you're talking about, Eric," I said dismissively, giving him a perplexed look as I went on looking for a suit in my armoire for Eric to borrow. He had brought nothing decent to wear for going out, considering he had had to make a quick getaway to France from Cyprus. We had just left the girls in their room so they could change into fancier outfits, since we had all agreed to Eric's proposal of all of us having a night on the town.

Finding Eric in Ariel's room had been a surprise. Of course I had known he couldn't stay away from his darling beloved for long, but I hadn't counted on him showing up so soon – and so unexpectedly. Ariel and Eric had joked that Belle had been ready to knock Eric upside the head with her sonnet book when she first encountered Eric, a stranger to her, trying to pry his way into the dorm room to see Ariel.

I was amused at the scene they described, and wished I could have seen it: Belle charging through the door ready to hit Eric, yet falling on top of Ariel instead. I always pictured Belle being so serious and "ladylike" - not the kind who was ready to attack if need be. It was refreshing to learn that there was this more adventurous side of Belle. I couldn't help but smile to myself when imagining that scene.

As I continue rummaging through the armoire, I held a dark blue suit behind me without turning around. "How about this one?" I suggested. Realizing that Eric hadn't taken the suit out of my hands, I turned to find his piercing gaze fixated on to me.

"What?" I asked in frustration.

"You know, Adam," he replied, his voice low and intense.

I was getting a bit agitated at this guessing game. "Can I at least have a hint?" I huffed.

"Fine. You want a hint? How about telling me who this Belle is to you exactly?" he asked in a testy tone.

I was perplexed by this. I knew he was overprotective about Ariel, but was he really trying to interrogate me about Belle to know whether or not Ariel was in good hands with Belle as a roommate? It seemed unnecessarily overbearing.

"What do you mean? You met her, you should know. She's Ariel's roommate and friend," I replied, turning back to the armoire to continue looking through the clothes.

"Maybe you didn't catch the most operative phrase in my inquiry. 'Tell me who this Belle is to you exactly', emphasis on 'you'," he repeated.

I was still puzzled. "What do you mean? She's my sonnet partner, if you're asking why we walked together in her dorm. We've become friends a bit from working together," I clarified.

"Working together for the project, or did you mean working at a tavern?" Eric asked meaningfully.

I froze.

Eric went on, "When I first met Belle, she was wearing a beautiful necklace that looked quite familiar. It was impossible not to notice it. In fact, it looked exactly like the one your mother left you before she passed. It even had the Rose Emblem of your House."

I gulped, knowing where this was heading. One of the most uncomfortable feelings in the world to me is guilt for leaving my friends in the dark. And Eric was my closest of all friends.

"You know what else, Adam? She says it was given to her by some sort of 'cloaked customer' at a tavern that she works at." At my startled reaction, Eric's eyes widened in triumph. "I knew it! You're the cloaked customer! I can tell by that face! I've known you way too long, so spill!"

I sighed, realizing I was caught. I went to sit on the bed as Eric pulled a chair out from my desk, planting it across from me. He then turned it backwards as he quickly sat, arms crossed resting on the back of the chair, eagerly ready for an explanation.

"I can't believe she told you!" I shouted with disdain, angrily combing my fingers through my hair. How was it that Belle was comfortable revealing the truth about her double identity to people like Gaston and now Eric, but not me? Had our friendship still not progressed to the point where she felt she could trust me with her secrets? I was beginning to get very aggravated by Belle. What was it going to take for her to open up to me? Would I have to wear a disguise my whole life as the "cloaked customer" just to get closer to her?

"Well, it's not like she had anything to lose if she told me," Eric pointed out. "I'm not from around here after all. Who could I tell?" Then his tone turned accusatory. "And by the way, can you explain to me why you've started going to taverns again?" There it was. The guilt.

I simply growled in reply. I had a sudden urge for one of my cigars from a stash I hid in one of the drawers of my desk. The craving always came when I felt stressed. What can I say? I naturally get lured by narcotics or alcohol. It was a hard habit to break. It had started when I was 16 years old, the beginning of my spiral into addiction, and Eric had had to deal with all of it. That's where my guilt stems from. I especially hate disappointing Eric since he's been by my side through my times of unwavering addiction.

I sighed again. "Can I at least smoke a cigar while we talk?"

"Are we back to those again?" Eric said pointedly. But then he gave in. "Oh, fine! Hell, I'll have one too."

We lit our cigars and went to the balcony to smoke outside. We stretched out on the balcony's deck, basking in the moonlight.

"We don't have all day - the girls are waiting for us, after all," Eric reminded me as he let a long puff into the air.

"Don't worry, I don't want to keep you too long from your princess," I promised. Though I was teasing, I knew how serious this trip was to Eric, and the effort it took him to come here. I knew he wanted to spend every precious moment he could with Ariel. For the first time in my life, I could finally understand this feeling, given my newfound feelings for Belle. She was the first woman I actually cared enough about to give a damn. Not like the other girls that I had just used for convenience, entertainment, or out of boredom.

"Okay, mate. Let's start from the beginning. I'm listening," Eric encouraged me.

I took the cigar out of my lips, holding it as I gazed into the sky. The sky today seemed a bit like the sky on the day I saw Belle at the foot of the steps of the dormitory. A hint of sun peeking through grey and purple hues.

"I don't know how much she's already told you, Eric, but she is poor. Not extremely poor, but in comparison to the rest of us that go to the Parthenon of Thought, she's not wealthy. I didn't know that she was not of aristocratic background at first. And yes, to answer your question honestly, I have been hitting up the taverns again. The truth is...I haven't stopped since I was 16." The last sentence was hard to get out. The look of disappointment and betrayal on Eric's face made me wince. But I continued. "I go to the LeGume Tavern - the one that Gaston manages so that he can go to school here part time."

"What?" Eric stood up, incensed. "Don't tell me you're hanging out with that one again. For Christ's sake, Adam! He's the one that got you into all the drugs and drinking in the first place! " he bellowed.

I couldn't blame Eric for feeling upset. Perhaps even a bit offended since he was there for me so much as a friend when my addiction to narcotics and alcohol had soared to an all-time high. An addiction that Gaston had introduced me to, so Eric's resentment of Gaston was definitely understandable. But I couldn't blame Gaston solely for my demise. After all, I was the one in control of my body, not him, and I was the one who had the power to prevent myself from heading into a downward spiral - but I hadn't.

I knew I had put Eric through hell during the years I was addicted. My growing hatred for my father and the depression from the loss of my mother became more intense, and I desperately needed an escape, anything to dull the pain and turn off my feelings. The more intense I felt, the stronger drugs and libations I needed, and I would shamelessly seek out only the most potent of the lot.

I looked down, trying to avoid the look of disappointment on Eric's face. "Sorry, Eric," was all I could manage to say. I knew it wasn't enough, but I had nothing else.

"It's all right," Eric said finally, waving his hand to dismiss my humble apology and try to ease the tension that was very evident between us. "But I interrupted your story. Please go on about the tavern and Belle, and everything…" He trailed off, gesturing for me to go on.

"I never thought in a million years this would happen to me, Eric," I said earnestly. "I've always wanted something like you and Ariel have, but I just didn't think it was possible."

"Because you put your guard up by screwing random girls just for fun?" Eric pointed out.

Instinctively, I shot an angry look at him. But then I sighed, acknowledging the truth of his words. "You're right," was all I could say, looking down. I never could open myself fully to people, especially to women. I don't know if it was due to the loss of my mother or not, but the way she chose to leave my father and me - it was all too much at the time for me to understand. I never comprehended how death could be better than being married to my father. It made me lose all faith in love and destroyed my ability to trust, along with the dream I had yearned for of being with someone one day. That all collapsed the day of my mother's funeral, so I promised myself to never be close to anyone. Random girls and one-night stands of pleasure were the best way to cope and to defend myself from getting hurt.

"Sorry. Continue," Eric encouraged.

I scratched my head, not knowing how to begin. "I'm not going to lie - when I first saw her, I was just blown away by her beauty. I admit it. And I was thinking of her as a potential conquest. But the first few times we spoke to each other, we ended up arguing. I could tell she didn't like me...which, in fairness, was my fault. I was an arrogant prick," I admitted with a sigh. "We just got off on the wrong foot, I guess."

"So...what changed?" asked Eric in confusion.

"When I saw her at the tavern of all places, it just didn't seem right!" I explained. "She's so gentle and sweet and classy and educated. She didn't fit with the others there. It was obvious that she wasn't comfortable being a barmaid, and she never would be. She couldn't just pour ale for horny men and flirt and give them the attention they wanted. But working in the kitchen wouldn't pay enough to pay her tuition at the university. I knew I had to do something to help her. So I paid Gaston to make her my personal server. I wore a cloak with a hood so she wouldn't know it was me. And somehow...I don't know...with my identity hidden, we got along better. She wasn't so prickly with me, since she didn't know who I was. And somehow, in disguise, I felt able to be more myself with her, not trying to prove anything or put on an act. I was able to open up to her. She's a wonderful listener, so understanding and sympathetic. She began to open up to me, too, and I began to get to know her. She's so strong, and has such a clear sense of who she is and what she wants – not like me, throwing my life away on drinking and drugs and sleeping around," I said self-deprecatingly.

"She told me that in the village where she grew up, women who read are frowned on, and girls are expected to get married young. They all thought she was odd for wanting to get an education. But she studied hard and got accepted to university. Her dream is to return and open a school for girls like her. But college is expensive, and she knows it's hard for her father to afford it, so she took the job in the tavern to earn extra money. But she hasn't told him, because she knows he would worry about her and feel guilty that she found it necessary." I shook my head in amazement. "Her intelligence, her dedication, her generosity...she's amazing, Eric. She's unlike any woman I've ever known."

"I can see that," Eric said, surprised. "I've never heard you talk about a woman's intelligence before. Usually you're all about looks."

"I know," I acknowledged. "But Belle made me see beyond her appearance. She's special. She makes me want to improve myself, to be a better person. To be worthy of her." I was silent a moment, thinking. "And I guess I also feel like she needs me, too. Or at least I hope she does."

"Need you for what? Money to pay her tuition?" Eric asked.

I shook my head. "No. I'd love to help her, but she'd never accept money from me. She's too proud. She'd think it was charity. No, what I meant was..." I trailed off, trying to find the right words. "She's strong, but there's also such a vulnerability to her, too. She feels out of place at university because she's a commoner among wealthy aristocrats. She doesn't think she fits in, and it makes her insecure and self-conscious. When she feels passionate about something, like in a class discussion, she's very outspoken. But outside of class, she's shy, and doesn't open up to people easily. But she doesn't fit in at the tavern, either. The girls there are crass and flirt with the customers and let them have their way with them. Belle's too shy and modest and classy for that. She's uncomfortable there. And there was one time when some drunken louts tried to manhandle her..." My voice hardened at the memory. "I pulled them off and made them pay, I can tell you."

"Another of your barroom brawls?" Eric said knowingly.

"You could say that," I confirmed. "Anyway, Belle was grateful to me for rescuing her from that awful situation, and I think that's when she started to trust me. She's so special, but so vulnerable, too. It makes me want to protect her, to take care of her and make sure no one hurts her ever again."

Eric nodded in understanding. "I know just what you mean. That's how I feel about Ariel, too."

I was glad he understood. "I care about her, Eric. More than I ever have about any woman. I feel...honored that she trusts me enough to confide in me. Except...she doesn't!" I burst out in frustration. "It's the 'mysterious cloaked customer' she trusts. I've tried to get to know her as me – we've been working on this class assignment together, and we've become friends, sort of. But she still doesn't open up to me the way she does when I'm in disguise. She still keeps me at arms' length. I don't know what to do."

It was a relief to be able to finally tell someone else about my mysterious escapades other than Gaston. It was nice to have someone I could truly trust. Eric was the one person I could count on, the one I could unburden myself to – the person I needed to hear my confessions.

Eric was silent for a minute, considering what I had told him. "So Belle doesn't know that it's you?" he asked.

"No. She doesn't have a clue. I wear a hooded cloak that conceals me perfectly."

"So no one in the Tavern knows it's you?"

"Just Gaston," I reminded him.

"Right." He nodded, quickly looking away. Being that Eric disliked Gaston, I could tell by his curt reaction he wasn't pleased about Gaston knowing my secret. "Look, Adam, it's good to hear you talking about a woman with respect. And I don't want to be like a father scolding a son," he said, placing his palm on his chest as if to swear. "But if you're just intrigued with Belle because she's different – if she's really just another escapade of yours -then end it now. She deserves better than that."

I was hurt and offended by the accusation. Hadn't he been listening to me at all? "I won't! I wouldn't do that, not to her. What do you think I am, just some loathsome womanizer?" I exclaimed defensively.

"Well, truthfully, ever since your mother died, you've been behaving like one," Eric said pointedly.

"She didn't die – she killed herself!" I corrected him, furiously tapping the ash from my cigar on the side of the chair.

I had never heard myself say those words out loud in a long time, but already in just one day it was the second time I had said it. My mother killed herself. It was hard to say it, but even harder to hear it. She killed herself, all because of my father. Which is why he is the human I most loathe to this day! And the second person I most loathe is myself. I wasn't worthy of her to stay alive for me. She was willing to do away with herself, even if it meant leaving me behind as well. God! I certainly do have issues!

"Look, Adam. I know how hard it was to lose your mother. You went on a downward spiral and I couldn't bear to see you like that. The drinking, the drugs, all the nights at the taverns and gentlemen's clubs and opium dens - you became a hopeless cause to others, especially your father."

"I know I put my father through a lot," I admitted as I rubbed the back of my neck. "I know I put you through a lot too."

I knew I had disappointed Eric a lot. Hell, he had seen me at my lowest of times. I felt immensely guilty now after admitting that some of my old habits were not dead.

"Nevertheless, Adam, I never stopped being your friend! I'm always going to be there for you as a friend. So as a friend, I am beseeching you to please not turn Belle into one of your infamous escapades. If you are this cloaked man she described...I think she likes you."

I looked up in astonishment.

"Well, I think she likes you as the cloaked customer, atleast," he clarified as he noted my surprise. He smiled and joked, "Besides, any girl would be mad not to find you exceptionally charming. Why, I find you utterly irresistible!"

I smiled, grateful that he was trying hard to lighten the desolate mood that had engulfed us both.

"I wouldn't treat Belle like that. Or any other woman for that matter," I promised. "I've changed my ways."

"I'm glad if you have. Perhaps Belle is the good influence you've needed for a long time," Eric suggested as he took another puff.

"Yeah. She has been, in more ways than she will ever know." I sighed. "But even if she does like me, it's only as the 'mysterious cloaked customer' - not as me, Adam. She's lured by the transformation of the enigmatic cloaked customer, who was once an infamous lady's man with a reputation for having a beastly appetite for scotch and sex. She's impressed that that man has now turned into a gentle being who tends to her thoughts and has deep conversations with her in the twilight." I sighed again as I brought the cigar to my lips.

"She likes the 'reformed bad boy' type, I guess," Eric chuckled with a smirk, as I puffed some smoke out into the air.

"Well, it may ease your mind to know when I am at the tavern. Belle does not hold back when it comes to pointing out I've had too much to drink. I do try to be better around her," I told him. "She makes me want to be a better person."

"I'm glad to know you have Belle as the voice of reason. You've needed someone like her in your life for a while now," Eric agreed.

I nodded. "Writing still helps as well. I still write in the journal you gave me on my 17th birthday."

Eric smiled. "I'm glad it's been put good use."

I nodded. "It's been a cathartic outlet to say the least. Sometimes after my nights at the tavern, I take it out and I write in it. Through writing I've discovered that for so long I have taken everything in my life of luxury for granted. I never truly realized how lucky I was, till I met Belle."

"Don't beat yourself up about taking the luxurious life you've lived for granted. After all, rich and royal is all you've ever known in your entire life," Eric pointed out.

"Yeah, but still, it's not like I'm not aware about there being people out there less fortunate than me. She would do anything to attend this esteemed university even if means working at a tavern. But I just go here because my dad tells me to, and he even pays the bill in full!" I said, shaking my head in shame. "And you know what Belle told me? Gaston's father has been trying to go after her father's land for years, trying to build another tavern on it. Apparently, he's been turning the whole town against him and Belle, saying they're preventing their village from economic growth!"

Eric raised an eyebrow. "Poor Belle. But nothing that Gaston's father does surprises me anymore. We all know how he likes to do business!" Eric said through gritted teeth.

Eric had his reasons to despise Mr. LeGume Senior, and I couldn't blame him. Rumor had it that LeGume Senior conspired with Ariel's father to assassinate Eric while he was visiting my family in France. Nothing was ever proven, and my father maintained steady relations with both Gaston's father for business reasons and Eric's father since they were close friends. However, there was some evidence that indicated that he had been involved in conspiring with King Triton about Eric's demise, but it was all just circumstantial. Eric and I had spent half a year searching for direct evidence (a search which actually leads to Eric meeting Ariel, but that's a different story!) but nothing was conclusive.

We gave up our search after that, and from there Eric and Ariel's relationship took flight. Thus Eric became more occupied with love than solving a mystery, and I was immensely happy for the both of them.

If Ariel were to know about the threats Eric had gotten from the seniors in her family it would surely crush her. It was something that Eric had always kept from her – probably the only thing he had ever kept from her. I was also pretty certain that Gaston knew nothing of his father's doings. He always seemed oblivious about things - all sorts of things! His ignorance was also pretty telling from his demeanor towards Eric. He was always cordial with Eric in passing - curt, but cordial nevertheless. Gaston also seemed unaware of his father targeting Belle's land, considering that Gaston had offered her a job to help her out at his own tavern. I guess ignorance was truly bliss!

"I think Monsieur LeGume Senior loves money more than his own son," Eric said.

"Now you see why Gaston and I can relate to each other," I added, hoping to justify to Eric as to why Gaston and I were semi-friends, at least on some level.

Eric laughed, "Adam! Don't be a fool. Your father loves you!"

"I doubt it!" I snapped, more harshly that I intended. "Although he'd probably love me more if I was more honorable to the family name. All I've given to it is scandal and infamy."

Eric shook his head in disbelief as he raised his cigar to his lips. "Ever thought about telling Belle the truth?"

"How in the hell do you presume I do that? Lift up my sleeve, unveil my tattoo, and say 'Hi, Belle! It was me all along!'? I mean, she doesn't even feel comfortable enough with me to tell me about her tavern job! It's like there's a barrier between us," I explained in frustration. I didn't want to come off like I was overly complaining, so I didn't even share to Eric the strain of keeping many mental notes a day and making sure to wear long sleeves in case I ran into Belle on campus, for fear that she would see my tattoo.

"Do you ever wonder how much of a barrier you keep as well?" Eric stated as he looked at me sidelong, smoking his cigar. I looked at him. He sighed standing up, approaching the balcony. With the last bit of cigar in between his teeth he rested his palms on the cold balcony.

"I'm guessing you've never told her about your parents," Eric guessed. I joined him at the balcony.

"I just told her today my mother was the famous Duchess de la Mort. So, I guess you could say I've started opening up," I pointed out.

"Ever tell her why you're afraid of getting too close to women?" Eric pondered out loud.

"What the hell? If someone happened to see this conversation right now I'd swear they'd think we were lovers or something." I chuckled, trying to make the mood less tense.

Eric grinned. "Well, I did say you were utterly irresistible, did I not?" he laughed. As we shared a good chuckle and tapped away the ash from our cigars, I knew Eric had a point. I've always kept my heart guarded.

"If I ever told her how my father is, she'll just…" I heard my voice trail off.

"She'll just what?" Eric encouraged.

"She'll think I'm just like him! I mean, let's face it, Eric, I am my father's son, after all! I don't have a coffee bean's worth of compassion. All I care about is me."

"Come on! You're talking to me here! And we both know that is not true! You've been there for me in so many ways! You were there when I first introduced myself to Ariel - you helped me sneak in to that palace! And don't forget the time when you convinced your dad to take in Charles."

"Chip. He likes to go by Chip," I corrected him.

"Charles, Chip, whatever. The point is, you convinced your father to let you bring a penniless boy with a grim future to your home so he could get an education and have a better future. Adam, give yourself some credit!" Eric exclaimed. "You're not as horrible as you think you are."

"I guess you're right. I just think it will take a long time before I can accept that there's any goodness in me that could ever be worthy of someone like Belle," I admitted. "Should we smoke another?" I tossed the end of the cigar blunt over the edge of the balcony. It was my attempt to change the subject.

Eric smiled, placing his thumb and forefinger on his chin thinking.

"How about we hold off another smoke and bring out the wine? One glass won't hurt. Besides! I'm sure the girls could use some more time!" Eric suggested.

I quickly went to the direction of the wine shelf. "I agree! Girls always need a long time to get ready!" I bellowed as I got out two glasses.

So we know a few more things about Adam's Past-it's a bit dark to say the least! I think one of the aspects that brought some light into Adam's dark world was his close friendship with Eric. I really like how their friendship has come to be and I've thoroughly enjoyed writing about it.

Also we find out that Eric's life was in danger by Ariel's very own family- specifically King Triton. Being that Eric is the sole heir for the Turkish Cypriots a successful assassination would have been cataclysmic! This also explains as to why he spent a lot of his life at a time in France under Adam's family's care for safety and hiding.

Also we've gotten more of a glimpse about Gaston's father who seems to be a negative influence in Gaston's life and also a villain of sorts hiding behind the curtain in the story. More on him to come as well! Hope you enjoyed!

Thank you TrudiRose for Beta-Reading this chapter!