It looked like a full-length movie playing in front of her in fast forward. And yet like all the readings she had done, it was more than just his memories. These were his thoughts, his feelings, the inner workings of his mind all laid out in front of her to see. Outside of his memories, she could feel his fingers running through her hair before he deepened the kiss. A burst of white exploded behind her eyelids.
Itachi could tell that she was already lost to the world. He shuddered as the cold feeling of helplessness came over him. That was it. There was no going back. Once she came around, he was going to find out whether or not he had been right to doubt her. An unfavorable result did not warrant a do-over, not with something as all-consuming as this. He maintained skin contact as the reading went on, alternating between cupping her cheeks with his hands as he stared at her and pressing his lips against hers. Both intimate acts he did with reverence and fervor because he was half-convinced that he would never be able to do it again. His history was bloody and morally questionable, even that of shinobi standards. And there was the issue with his condition, its impact on his life and the choices he had made because of it. In a few minutes, she was going to find out and decide whether she walks away or stays.
His last memory was of her looking up at him with a shocked look on her face before he uttered the words which served as his consent: Don't hold back. Gray eyes fluttered open and she found herself back in her dark quarters. Her chest thumped wildly as her body struggled to come to terms with what her mind had just unearthed. Itachi had stepped back. His head was down, his black hair turning into a curtain that covered his face. For a minute, all Shiori could do was stare at him. His memories from sixteen years ago echoed in her mind, of a three-year-old hearing the words "congenital anomaly" for the first time.
Without a sound, she stepped towards him and rested her ear against his chest, the way Uchiha Mikoto did when she first found out about the silent disease that was threatening to cut her firstborn's life short. Instead of hearing the lub and dub of a healthy heart, all she heard was a machine-like murmur punctuated by a series of harsh swishes which sounded nowhere near normal.
"A hole in the heart where there shouldn't be..."
"Blood flooding back to the lungs..."
"...might live past twenty."
Shiori shivered and squeezed her eyes shut. How could he hide something like this to everyone? To Izumi, Shisui...even Sasuke?
Itachi felt compelled to say something. "Sora-san is providing me with the best medications for this condition."
She knew that. She also knew about the medic-nin's word of caution regarding his frequent use of the Mangekyo Sharingan.
"At the rate that you're using it, you'd be lucky if you go blind first before it stops your heart from beating."
The Amaterasu from that day in Grass Country and the pain that he experienced after that jutsu...everything was clicking into place like puzzle pieces. However, the big picture that it showed terrified her.
She clutched the hem of his mesh shirt to stop her hands from shaking. But there was nothing she could do about the tears spilling down her face. For a moment, Itachi regretted his decision to open up to her. Though Shiori asked him to, he thought he should have known better. He had too many demons, enough to drive an average person over the edge. And he had just dumped all of them on the unsuspecting girl's lap. He thought worriedly that perhaps he had overestimated her strength.
When Shiori got her shaking under control and when she was sure that she wasn't going to turn into a bawling mess when she opened her mouth, she finally spoke up.
"How long do you think you have?"
"Not long."
"How long do you think you have?" she asked again through the tears.
"Five years at most. It all depends on Sasuke."
Uchiha Sasuke. The person whose hands he had chosen to die under as atonement for his sins to their fallen clan. As soon as he mentioned his otouto's name, she knew that the time he had left was going to be considerably shorter than it already was. Any Uchiha worth the crest on his back was capable of rapidly rising to power. If Sasuke was anything like his brother then it was only a matter of time before he deemed him ready. Itachi was practically a dead man walking.
Biting her lip raw, she lifted her fists and threw slow, weak punches at his chest.
"I could never understand you shinobi," she whispered in between hiccups. "Why-Why are you all so eager to throw your lives away? Don't you ever think about the people you will be leaving behind? Huh? Why are you all so fucking excited to die when...when all we ever want is for you to stay?"
Gray eyes glared up at him. "You...suicidal...idiot."
Something snapped inside her and keeping herself together was no longer an option. She had reached her limit and there was nothing left to do but fall apart.
Itachi took her by the arms in an attempt to calm her down. "Shiori - "
"I don't want you to die!" she shouted, her tone becoming more and more hysterical. "I don't want you to die-there has to be another way! Not you Itachi, please...please..."
He enveloped her into a bone-crushing hug, partly to stop her wailing from becoming loud enough to wake Kisame up. Mostly it was to keep her pieces together while she crumbled, grieving for him in a way that even he could not do for himself.
In the wee hours of morning, when the tears subsided into quiet hiccups, the two of them collapsed on the lone futon in the small room. They lay side-by-side, perpendicular to the single-sized mattress with only their upper bodies on it. Their waists and legs rested on the cold tatami mats. Both of them looked like they had seen better days. Shiori's eyes were bloodshot and her nose was pink from all the crying. Itachi looked forlorn. He slowly turned to look at her.
"Do you regret knowing?" he asked. He had to find out sooner or later.
Shiori was quick to respond with a shake of her head. "No. I do regret not meeting you sooner...under different circumstances. I regret the fact that I spent so much time butting heads with you."
"But I enjoy butting heads with you," Itachi replied quietly, a small smile tugging at his lips.
"What?"
"You're funny when you lose."
Also, ever since Shisui passed away, there was nobody else who would engage him in a verbal sparring that didn't culminate into kunais being thrown.
He noted that Shiori's chakra was controlled and didn't think twice about grabbing her hand. He ran his thumb over her knuckles.
"All those decisions you made at thirteen," she mumbled. "Do you ever regret doing them?"
He shrugged, eyes trained at the cracked ceiling above them.
"Sometimes. Though I know that at the end of the day, I am still Itachi of Konohagakure. I'll do anything for my village, even if it means living in the shadows for the rest of my life."
Shiori smiled sadly at him. "I believe you."
"I apologize for sharing my burdens with you. I'm beginning to doubt that I did the right thing."
She turned to her side to look at him, snatching her hand from his grasp so that she could place it under her head as a makeshift pillow.
"Don't think that your little stunt changes anything. I'm not going back on my word from that night. You have me."
For Itachi, her promise brought an unfamiliar yet pleasant feeling. It was the light feeling of loneliness slowly ebbing away from his rotten heart. After years of walking down the wretched path he had chosen for himself, he didn't feel alone anymore. And despite what logic was telling him, he welcomed it.
"I believe you."
It was early sunrise when Itachi woke up. The emotional catharsis that they experienced hours ago had left the both of them exhausted. He didn't even remember falling asleep. However, a new day was about to start. He knew Kisame was still out of it but with the sun steadily making itself known in the horizon, it wouldn't be long before his partner came around. Facades had to be put up once again.
After stretching on his spot, he rolled to his side to look at Shiori. She was still in deep sleep, unaware that she had an audience. He had to admit he was impressed at how someone as physically vulnerable as her could possess so much inner strength. The fact that she had coped with being in the presence of hardened criminals for over a year was a feat in itself. Last night's revelations just made her prove to him that she could handle so much more.
In sleep she looked peaceful, free from the worries and fears that plagued her constantly in her waking hours. Peace suited her. Unable to stop himself, he planted a chaste kiss on her forehead.
"Thank you," he whispered to her.
Shiori barely stirred.
She had heard of his disease from his memories, saw the look on Sora's face when she had told him that the end was near, even drowned with him during those moments when his sickness struck him hard. And yet, Shiori had a hard time believing that it was happening.
"Dying" wasn't a word that you associate with someone like Itachi. He was nearly untouchable in the battlefield. He was the best of his generation.
'And for Kami's sake he is unbelievably kind,' she would find herself thinking. She had seen enough to know that he was like that towards everyone, including Deidara.
Why do the good ones always die first?
Like all of their more intimate encounters, the night that she read Uchiha Itachi for the second time was never spoken of ever again, even between the two of them. It was business as usual for the S-ranked shinobi and his freak of nature ward. He went to do his assignments with Kisame while she jumped between pairs within the organization. They wouldn't see each other for weeks and when they did, it was often filled with lukewarm greetings and forced nonchalance, particularly in the presence of the shark-like swordsman. To an outsider, things were the same within their group. The impact of Itachi's revelation was only obvious to the two of them.
He became more playful in the most covert way possible. He had developed a rather amusing habit of winking at her whenever Kisame wasn't looking, sometimes even in the middle of missions, Sharingan and all, something which Shiori thought bordered on recklessness. Other times he would tug at her ponytail using a sleight of hand, all the while maintaining a well-practiced poker face under his straw hat.
"What are you five?" she mocked him every time he did it. And every time she asked, his only reply would be to puff his left cheek.
Contrary to Itachi's playfulness, Shiori became the personification of gloom. Everything made her tearful. The mere mention of the Uchiha would send her into a depressive tailspin. Thoughts of death plagued her and those thoughts brought with them a loneliness that weighed down on her shoulders.
'So Itachi lives until Sasuke becomes powerful enough and then what, Shiori? Where do you go from there?'
She had no idea. She couldn't get herself to think past the part where he dies.
She was in this very mood when he found her sulking by herself during the annual Floating Lantern Festival of Yugakure. Shiori had to do a double take when she first saw him. In a dark blue kimono and without his hitai-ate on, Itachi could pass as an everyday civilian. This was in compliance to Konan's condition that him and all other nins stationed near the village were to remain unrecognizable while they enjoyed the festivities.
"I barely recognize you," she mumbled in greeting.
"That was the plan," he replied, plopping down beside her.
They were on top of a hill overlooking the village's Kibo River. Dots of orange lights began to hover on its inky surface, signalling the start of the lantern-sending ceremony. Shiori tried to discreetly wipe her eyes dry but her sniffles gave her away. Itachi feigned indifference, training his gaze at the floating lanterns below them, even though from where he sat they all blurred into one unattractive orange blob.
"I'm not dead yet," he said after a long pause. "Don't be too quick to grieve for me."
"Who says I'm grieving for you?"
"So you're not?"
"Ugh! Stop!" she bit back, annoyed at how easy it was for him to talk about himself and death in the same breath. "Listen, as much as I feel honored that you found me worthy to know about your story I...I can't take all of this in stride and act like things are going to be okay because we both know that they're not. It's never going to be okay with you dead. You may have made your peace with that but I haven't so...sorry if I'm more than a little sad nowadays."
She bit her lip and looked away from him as a few tears escaped her once again. Itachi remained patient, calmly giving her time to gain her composure before he spoke.
"We often worry too much about what the future could bring that we lose touch of the present. I know it's hard but I'm asking you not to do this Shiori."
He made a move to hold her hand, pausing for a minute to let her deal with her chakra before he intertwined his fingers with hers.
"Because it's the only thing I can give you," he added.
Shiori squeezed his hand in reply. Itachi was a man of few words. But the words he did say often carried a lot of weight.
"Thank you."
Over the next half hour, the two watched silently as more lanterns appeared on the river until it became a steady stream of flames. They communicated mainly through nudges and sideway glances. All the while, he never let go of her hand. When she tried to pull it away from him, he tugged it back towards him. Finally he broke the silence between them.
"You're still slow on starting your chakra control but I'm glad you've mastered it."
"It only took sixty-four months."
"More like eight. As your teacher I think it's only proper that I treat you to dinner some time. For a job well done."
Despite the weight on her chest, Shiori couldn't stop the sly smile spreading across her lips. She raised her eyebrow at him.
"Are you asking me out on a date?"
His reply was a wide grin which lit up his boyish features. Everything was still wrong with the world but for once she let it go and had a good laugh.
"Smooth. Real smooth, sensei."
The festival was coming to an end when they both decided to make their way back to the headquarters. Kisame was still occupied and was hell bent on enjoying his day off up to its very last minute so they went ahead without him. In a quiet bend on the lone road leading back to the old temple, with only the stars as their witnesses, he leaned down and kissed her once again. It was gentler than the first one, nowhere near as desperate as its predecessor but it still spoke of everything that Itachi could not put into words.
That he wanted this.
He wanted her.
Forget the consequences.
He allowed himself to be selfish for once. His whole life he had put others' needs above his. Every action was for the sake of someone or something else. This time he wanted to pour himself into something for his own sake and no one else's. He kissed her because he wanted her to know that he was in love. And he'd be damned if he denied the giddy feeling in his belly when she kissed him back. He caressed her to quench the thirst that he had suffered from for so long, one that none of the other women he had laid with could chase away. He wanted her to be his and his only the same way he wanted her to claim him as hers despite who he was and the things he had done. For the first time in his life, Uchiha Itachi was love drunk. And he couldn't bring himself to care how this made him look like.
As the two fell into a warm embrace and the kiss grew deeper, Sora's warning began to echo in his head. The feeling of her hand slipping into his kimono and onto the skin of his chest made it possible to ignore this.
He was allowed to be foolish, wasn't he? After all, he was human too.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: Thank you for reading! For those who have been following this fic, my apologies for the late update. I've been working on a tight schedule for the past week or so, so extra time is limited. Again I would like to thank you all for stopping by, with special mention to reviewers Kale, RIP, Richasa, and ShawneeSavage. Thanks for the long revs guys! And for pointing out what's what with what I have here...if that makes sense.
So! As usual, the challenge here is upping Itachi's emotional responses without making him too OOC. It sounds difficult already when you put it into words and believe me it is. Striking the right balance between his aloofness and playfulness (I always thought Itachi was a closet prankster for some reason based on his interactions with Sasuke) is hard for me personally. I treat him as someone who's emotionally constipated. We all know that one person who looks like he/she has a pipe up his/her ass at first but turned out to be a total goofball when you finally made them open up. Welp, I think Itachi is like that too. Took a lot of trial and error and this was the best I could come up with. And also, if you notice in the anime he sounds weird in the moments when he REALLY starts talking. You don't believe me, have a look at the episodes featuring talking Itachi. I wanted to put a bit of that in here as well. This was one of the most difficult chapters that I had to churn out, not just for this story but for all the stories I've managed to finish. So naturally it would mean a lot if I get an honest opinion on this. Concrit, if I'm being ambitious. Anyways, no pressure. As long as you enjoyed this bit, I'm happy too.