Abe took the book from Janine opened it. He hoped that the book was near the end, he didn't like seeing his daughter in so much pain.
SIXTEEN
THE NEXT DAY, IT FULLY hit me how much things had changed since the Jesse-and-Ralf rumors first started. For some people, I remained a nonstop source of whispers and laughter. From Lissa's converts, I received friendliness and occasional defense.
"Well that would give anyone whiplash," Victoria said imagining how Rose must have felt.
Overall, I realized, our classmates actually gave me very little of their attention anymore. This became especially true when something new distracted everyone. Lissa and Aaron. Apparently, Mia had found about the party and had blown up when she learned that Aaron had been there without her. She'd bitched at him and told him that if he wanted to be with her, he couldn't run around and hang out with Lissa.
Christian shook his head, he was annoyed that Lissa was back with Aaron. He didn't understand what Lissa saw in him, while Tatiana was pleased that now Christian didn't have a chance with Lissa
So Aaron had decided he didn't want to be with her. He'd broken up with her that morning…and moved on. Now he and Lissa were all over each other. They stood around in the hall and at lunch, arms wrapped around one another, laughing and talking. Lissa's bond feelings showed only mild interest, despite her gazing at him as though he was the most fascinating thing on the planet. Most of this was for show, unbeknownst to him.
"Idiot," Adrian and Christian said at the same time.
He looked as though he could have built a shrine at her feet at any moment. And me? I felt ill. My feelings were nothing, however, compared to Mia's. At lunch, she sat on the far side of the room from us, eyes fixed pointedly ahead, ignoring the consolations of the friends near her. She had blotchy pink patches on her pale, round cheeks, and her eyes were red-rimmed. She said nothing mean when I walked past. No smug jokes. No mocking glares. Lissa had destroyed her, just as Mia had vowed to do us.
"Well that is what happens when you take on those two," Christian said thinking about all the kids who had tried to fight the two. But normally it was Rose who destroyed the kids, not Lissa.
The only person more miserable than Mia was Christian. Unlike her, he had no qualms about studying the happy couple while wearing an open look of hatred on his face. As usual, no one except me even noticed. After watching Lissa and Aaron make out for the tenth time, I left lunch early and went to see Ms. Carmack, the teacher who taught elemental basics.
That got everyone's attention, everyone wanted to see what the teacher would say about Lissa not specializing
I'd been wanting to ask her something for a while. "Rose, right?" She seemed surprised to see me but not angry or annoyed like half the other teachers did lately. "Yeah. I have a question about, um, magic." She raised an eyebrow. Novice's didn't take magic classes. "Sure. What do you want to know?" "I was listening to the priest talk about St. Vladimir the other day…Do you know what element he specialized in? Vladimir, I mean. Not the priest."
"That is a very good question," Tatiana stated surprised that Rose would think of something like that. Adrian just looked at his aunt, she somedays seemed to forget he too never specialized
She frowned. "Odd. As famous as he is around here, I'm surprised it never comes up. I'm no expert, but in all the stories I've heard, he never did anything that I'd say connects to any one of the elements. Either that or no one ever recorded it." "What about his healings?" I pushed further. "Is there an element that lets you perform those?" "No, not that I know of." Her lips quirked into a small smile. "People of faith would say he healed through the power of God, not any sort of elemental magic. After all, one thing the stories are certain about is that he was 'full of spirit.' "
That got both Ivan, Dimitri and Adrian attention. All three made a small note about that. They didn't understand why that stood out for them, it just did
"Is it possible he didn't specialize?" Her smile faded. "Rose, is this really about St. Vladimir? Or is it about Lissa?" "Not exactly…" I stammered. "I know it's hard on her—especially in front of all her classmates—but she has to be patient," she explained gently. "It will happen. It always happens." "But sometimes it doesn't." "Rarely. But I don't think she'll be one of those. She's got a higher-than-average aptitude in all four, even if she hasn't hit specialized levels. One of them will shoot up any day now."
Adrian snorted, that is what they said about him, and he still had to specialize
That gave me an idea. "Is it possible to specialize in more than one element?" She laughed and shook her head. "No. Too much power. No one could handle all that magic, not without losing her mind."
That made everyone froze, they didn't what that to happen to her.
Oh. Great. "Okay. Thanks." I started to leave, then thought of something else. "Hey, do you remember Ms. Karp? What did she specialize in?" Ms. Carmack got that uncomfortable look other teachers did whenever anyone mentioned Ms. Karp. "Actually—" "What?" "I almost forgot. I think she really was one of the rare ones who never specialized. She just always kept a very low control over all four."
"That is not good," Everyone said at the same time. Even Adrian was getting worried, as he hasn't specialized and he did not want to turn. He rather enjoyed his life
I spent the rest of my afternoon classes thinking about Ms. Carmack, words, trying to work them into my unified Lissa-Karp-Vladimir theory. I also watched Lissa. So many people wanted to talk to her now that she barely noticed my silence. Every so often, though, I'd see her glance at me and smile, a tired look in her eyes. Laughing and gossiping all day with people she only sort of liked was taking its toll on her. "The mission's accomplished," I told her after school. "We can stop Project Brainwash." We sat on benches in the courtyard, and she swung her legs back and forth.
"Is she going to be able to stop it?" Karolina asked worried for the two girls.
"Not likely, she could still believe that Rose need protecting, and who knows she could perhaps not be able to let go of all the ," Adrian said thinking about the feeling he got when he used his abilities. Everyone just looked at him with raised eyebrows
"What do you mean?" "You've done it. You stopped people from making my life horrible. You destroyed Mia. You stole Aaron. Play with him for another couple weeks, then drop him and the other royals. You'll be happier." "You don't think I'm happy now?" "I know you aren't. Some of the parties are fun, but you hate pretending to be friends with people you don't like—and you don't like most of them. I know how much Xander pissed you off the other night."
"well he is a jerk," all the girls said at the same time
"He's a jerk, but I can deal with that. If I stop hanging out with them, everything'll go back to the way it was. Mia will just start up again. This way, she can't bother us." "It's not worth it if everything else is bothering you." "Nothing's bothering me." She sounded a little defensive. "Yeah?" I asked meanly. "Because you're so in love with Aaron? Because you can't wait to have sex with him again?" She glared at me.
"I don't need to hear that," Christian said closing her eyes. Everyone nodded agreeing with him. Even Tatiana doesn't want to hear about Lissa's sex live
"Have I mentioned you can be a huge bitch sometimes?" I ignored that. "I'm just saying you've got enough shit to worry about without all this. You're burning yourself out with all the compulsion you're using." "Rose!" She glanced anxiously around. "Be quiet!" "But it's true. Using it all the time is going to screw with your head. For real." "Don't you think you're getting carried away?" "What about Ms. Karp?" Lissa's expression went very still. "What about her?" "You. You're just like her."
"Sadly she is starting to show those same symptoms," Alberta said worried for Lissa. Neither Christian or Tatiana wanted to think about that.
"No, I'm not!" Outrage flashed in those green eyes. "She healed too." Hearing me talk about this shocked her. This topic had weighed us down for so long, but we'd almost never spoken about it. "That doesn't mean anything." "You don't think it does? Do you know anyone else who can do that? Or can use compulsion on dhampirs and Moroi?" "She never used compulsion like that," she argued. "She did. She tried to use it on me the night she left. It started to work, but then they took her away before she finished." Or had they?
"Why does it feel like it had worked?" Abe said not liking the idea of his daughter being compelled. Janine wasn't fond of the idea as well
After all, it was only a month later that Lissa and I had run away from the Academy. I'd always thought that was my own idea, but maybe Ms. Karp's suggestion had been the true force behind it. Lissa crossed her arms. Her face looked defiant, but her emotions felt uneasy. "Fine. So what? So she's a freak like me. That doesn't mean anything. She went crazy because…well, that was just the way she was. That's got nothing to do with anything else." "But it's not just her," I said slowly. "there's someone else like you guys, too. Someone I found." I hesitated. "You know St. Vladimir…" And that's when I finally let it all out.
"Well tell her, maybe it would get her to stop doing all this," Christian said hoping that Lissa would stop with all the compulsion
I told her everything. I told her about how she, Ms. Karp, and St. Vladimir could all heal and use super-compulsion. Although it made her squirm, I told her how they too grew easily upset and had tried to hurt themselves. "He tried to kill himself," I said, not meeting her eyes. "And I used to notice marks on Ms. Karp's skin—like she'd claw at her own face. She tried to hide it with her hair, but I could see the old scratches and tell when she made new ones." "It doesn't mean anything," insisted Lissa. "It—it's all a coincidence." She sounded like she wanted to believe that, and inside, some part of her really did. But there was another part of her, a desperate part of her that had wanted for so long to know that she wasn't a freak, that she wasn't alone.
Adrian felt the same. He had a small smile on his face, he couldn't wait to meet the two girls
Even if the news was bad, at least now she knew there were others like her. "Is it a coincidence that neither of them seems to have specialized?" I recounted my conversation with Ms. Carmack and explained my theory about specializing in all four elements. I also repeated Ms. Carmack's comment about how that would burn someone out. Lissa rubbed her eyes when I finished, smudging a little of her makeup. She gave me a weak smile. "I don't know what's crazier: what you're actually telling me or the fact that you actually read something to find all this out." I grinned,
"Well that is a terrifying thought," Christian said with a small smile
"Well it had to do with Lissa, so I don't think it so strange," Alberta smiled, happy that Rose would do anything for her best friend
relieved that she'd actually mustered a joke. "Hey, I know how to read too." "I know you do. I also know it took you a year to read The Da Vinci Code." She laughed. "That wasn't my fault! And don't try to change the subject." "I'm not." She smiled, then sighed. "I just don't know what to think about all this." "There's nothing to think about. Just don't do stuff that'll upset you. Remember coasting through the middle? Go back to that. It's a lot easier on you." She shook her head. "I can't do that. Not yet." "Why not? I already told you—" I stopped, wondering why I hadn't caught on before. "It's not just Mia. You're doing all this because you feel like you're supposed to. You're still trying to be Andre."
Tatiana nodded, while everyone just shook their heads. They didn't understand why the royals forced their young to act like that.
"My parents would have wanted me to—" "Your parents would have wanted you to be happy."
Tatiana huffed, she knew it was true. But it was no way for Lissa to act. She was the last of her line, well last legal one of her line
"It's not that easy, Rose. I can't ignore these people forever. I'm royal too." "Most of them suck."
"Well technically she's not wrong," Christian joked, making Adrian and Victoria laugh. While all the grownups shook their head
"And a lot of them are going to help rule the Moroi. Andre knew that. He wasn't like the others, but he did what he had to do because he knew how important they were." I leaned back against the bench. "Well, maybe that's the problem. We're deciding who's „important‟ based on family alone, so we end up with these screwed-up people making decisions. That's why Moroi numbers are dropping and bitches like Tatiana are queen. Maybe there needs to be a new royal system."
That shocked everyone, no-one expected Rose to say that. But her words heled truth even if Tatiana didn't want to acknowledge it
"Come on, Rose. This is the way it is; that's the way it's been for centuries. We have to live with that." I glared. "Okay, how about this?" she continued. "You're worried about me becoming like them—like Ms. Karp and St. Vladimir—right? Well, she said I shouldn't use the powers, that it would make things get worse if I did. What if I just stop? Compulsion, healing, everything." I narrowed my eyes. "You could do that?" The convenient compulsion aside, that was what I'd wanted her to do the whole time.
"I hope she does," Christian said more to himself than anyone ells
Her depression had started at the same time the powers emerged, just after the accident. I had to believe they were connected, particularly in light of the evidence and Ms. Karp's warnings. "Yes." Her face was perfectly composed, her expression serious and steady. With her pale hair woven into a neat French braid and a suede blazer over her dress, she looked like she could have taken her family's place on the council right now.
Dimitri and Ivan shared another look. That sounded for them a lot like foreshadowing, so they made another note
"You'd have to give up everything," I warned. "No healing, no matter how cute and cuddly the animal. And no more compulsion to dazzle the royals." She nodded seriously. "I can do it. Will that make you feel better?" "Yeah, but I'd feel even better if you stopped magic and went back to hanging out with Natalie." "I know, I know. But I can't stop, not now at least." I couldn't get her to budge on that—yet—but knowing that she would avoid using her powers relieved me. "All right," I said, picking up my backpack. I was late for practice. Again. "You can keep playing with the brat pack,
Tatiana glared at the book before glaring at Abe and Janine who just ignored her
so long as you keep the "other stuff‟ in check." I hesitated. "And you know, you really have made your point with Aaron and Mia. You don't have to keep him around to keep hanging out with the royals." "Why do I keep getting the feeling you don't like him anymore?" "I like him okay—which is about as much as you like him. And I don't think you should get hot and sweaty with people you only like 'okay' " Lissa widened her eyes in pretend astonishment. "Is this Rose Hathaway talking? Have you reformed? Or do you have someone you like "more than okay‟?"
"Well she caught on fast, I wonder if she is going to tell her about her crush?" Sonja smiled at her brother who just shook his head. Abe and Janine just looked at Dimitri
"Hey," I said uncomfortably, "I'm just looking out for you. That, and I never noticed how boring Aaron is before." She scoffed. "You think everyone's boring." "Christian isn't." It slipped out before I could stop it. She quit smiling. "He's a jerk. He just stopped talking to me for no reason one day." She crossed her arms.
"I wonder if Rose is going to confess," Adrian said looking at Christian who was glaring at the book
"And don't you hate him anyway?" "I can still hate him and think he's interesting." But I was also starting to think that I might have made a big mistake about Christian. He was creepy and dark and liked to set people on fire, true. On the other hand, he was smart and funny—in a twisted way—and somehow had a calming effect on Lissa.
Christian was shocked, he never would have thought that Rose would say anything nice about him.
But I'd messed it all up. I'd let my anger and jealousy get the best of me and ended up separating them. If I'd let him go to her in the garden that night, maybe she wouldn't have gotten upset and cut herself. Maybe they'd be together now, away from all the school politics. Fate must have been thinking the same thing, because five minutes after I left Lissa, I passed Christian walking across the quad. Our eyes locked for a moment before we passed each other. I nearly kept walking. Nearly. Taking a deep breath, I came to a stop. "Wait…Christian."
Everyone was shocked, no-one expected that Rose would speak to Christian
I called out to him. Damn, I was so late for training. Dimitri was going to kill me. Christian spun around to face me, hands stuffed in the pockets of his long black coat, his posture slumped and uncaring. "Yeah?" "Thanks for the books." He didn't say anything. "The ones you gave to Mason." "Oh, I thought you meant the other books." Smartass. "Aren't you going to ask what they were for?" "Your business. Just figured you were bored being suspended." "I'd have to be pretty bored for that." He didn't laugh at my joke. "What do you want, Rose? I've got places to be." I knew he was lying, but my sarcasm no longer seemed as funny as usual. "I want you to, uh, hang out with Lissa again."
"Well that was rather blunt," Abe smiled
"Well it's Rose and Christian, with them they need to be," Alberta smiled at Christian who just shook his head, but he had a small smile on his face
"Are you serious?" He studied me closely, suspicion all over him. "After what you said to me?" Yeah, well…Didn't Mason tell you?…" Christian's lips turned up into a sneer. "He told me something." "And?" "And I don't want to hear it from Mason." His sneer cranked up when I glared. "You sent him to apologize for you. Step up and do it yourself." "You're a jerk," I informed him. "Yeah. And you're a liar. I want to see you eat your pride."
"why do I get a feeling their going to be great friends," Victoria smiled at Christian who just shook his head, he couldn't imagine himself being good friends with Rose.
"Probably because they're so alike," Ivan said looking at Victoria
"I've been eating my pride for two weeks," I growled. Shrugging, he turned around and started to walk away. "Wait!" I called, putting my hand on his shoulder. He stopped and looked back at me. "All right, all right. I lied about how she felt. She never said any of that stuff about you, okay? She likes you. I made it up because I don't like you." "And yet you want me to talk to her." When the next words left my lips, I could barely believe it. "I think…you might be…good for her."
Christian looked at the book like it might explode at any moment, this all was to much for him. Even Alberta was shocked, she was happy that Rose was growing. But it terrified her how much she was changing in such a short amount to time
We stared at each other for several heavy moments. His smirk dried up a little. Not much surprised him. This did. "I'm sorry. I didn't hear you. Can you repeat that?" he finally asked. I almost punched him in the face. "Will you stop it already? I want you to hang out with her again." "No." "Look, I told you, I lied—" "It's not that. It's her. You think I can talk to her now? She's Princess Lissa again." Venom dripped off his words. "I can't go near her, not when she's surrounded by all those royals." "You're royal too," I said, more to myself than him. I kept forgetting the Ozera's were one of the twelve families. "Doesn't mean much in a family full of Strigoi, huh?" "But you're not—wait. That's why she connects to you," I realized with a start. "Because I'm going to become a Strigoi?" he asked snidely.
Christian was back to glaring at the book again, while Janine and Alberta shook their heads. Rose really still needed to learn to think before she spoke
"No…because you lost your parents too. Both of you saw them die." "She saw hers die. I saw mine murdered." I flinched. "I know. I'm sorry, it must have been…well, I don't have any idea what it was like." Those crystal-blue eyes went unfocused. "It was like seeing an army of Death invade my house." "You mean…your parents?" He shook his head. "The guardians who came to kill them. I mean, my parents were scary, yeah, but they still looked like my parents—a little paler, I guess. Some red in their eyes. But they walked and talked the same way. I didn't know anything was wrong with them, but my aunt did. She was watching me when they came for me."
Christian got a faraway look in his eyes. Adrian looked at his aurora and saw that the colours were all shades of blue, meaning that he was sad
"Were they going to convert you?" I'd forgotten my original mission here, too caught up in the story. "You were really little." "I think they were going to keep me until I was older, then turn me. Aunt Tasha wouldn't let them take me. They tried to reason with her, convert her too, but when she wouldn't listen, they tried to take her by force. She fought them—got really messed up
Dimitri, Ivan and Christian all thought about the scars that ran down Tasha's face
—and then the guardians showed up." His eyes drifted back to me. He smiled, but there was no happiness in it. "Like I said, an army of Death. I think you're crazy, Rose, but if you turn out like the rest of them, you're going to be able to do some serious damage one day. Even I won't mess with you." I felt horrible.
"Well that was probably the idea," Christian said with no emotions
He'd had a miserable life, and I'd taken away one of the few good things in it. "Christian, I'm sorry for screwing things up between you and Lissa. It was stupid. She wanted to be with you. I think she still does now. If you could just—" "I told you, I can't." "I'm worried about her. She's into all this royal stuff because she thinks it's going to get back at Mia—she's doing it for me." "And you aren't grateful?" The sarcasm returned. "I'm worried. She can't handle playing all these catty political games. It isn't good for her, but she won't listen to me. I could…I could use help." "She could use help. Hey, don't look so surprised—I know there's something funny going on with her. And I'm not even talking about the wrist thing." I jumped.
Tatiana shook her head, she didn't want Christian anywhere near Lissa. And she most defiantly didn't want Christian and Rose to become friends
"Did she tell you?…" Why not? She'd told him everything else. "She didn't need to," he said. "I've got eyes." I must have looked pathetic, because he sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "Look, if I catch Lissa alone…I'll try to talk to her. But honestly…if you really want to help her…well, I know I'm supposed to be all anti-establishment, but you might get the best help talking to somebody else. Kirova. Your guardian guy. I don't know. Someone who knows something. Someone you trust."
"Well she does trust Dimitri, but the problem is he would have to tell Kirova and Rose doesn't trust them. This is not going to end well," Alberta said worriedly. She wanted Lissa to get help but she knew that was going to be near impossible with Rose who didn't trust anyone, and with good reason
"Lissa wouldn't like that." I considered. "Neither would I." "Yeah, well, we all have to do things we don't like. That's life." My snarky switch flipped on. "What are you, an after-school special?" A ghostly smile flickered across his face. "If you weren't so psychotic, you'd be fun to hang around." "Funny, I feel that way about you too." He didn't say anything else, but the smile grew, and he walked away.
"Are you two friends now?" Adrian asked looking at Christian who just shook his head
"No we probably just made peach," Christian answered him
"Okay who would like to read next?" Abe asked holding up the book.
~~~~
Olena took the book from Abe. Abe relaxed back in his seat, his one arm going behind Janine, who just gave him a small smile
SEVENTEEN
A FEW DAYS LATER, LISSA found me outside the commons and delivered the most astonishing news.
"Uncle Victor's getting Natalie off campus this weekend to go shopping in Missoula. For the dance. They said I could come along." I didn't say anything. She looked surprised at my silence. "Isn't that cool?" "For you, I guess. No malls or dances in my future." She smiled excitedly. "He told Natalie she could bring two other people besides me. I convinced her to bring you and Camille."
"That is nice of her," Victoria smiled
"Would Kirova allow her to go?" Dimitri asked looking at Alberta
"I have no idea," Alberta answered
I threw up my hands. "Well, thanks, but I'm not even supposed to go to the library after school. No one's going to let me go to Missoula." "Uncle Victor thinks he can get Headmistress Kirova to let you go. Dimitri's trying too."
That got Dimitri a few smiles while Abe just looked at him questionably. Dimitri just smiled at him
"Dimitri?" "Yeah. He has to go with me if I leave campus." She grinned, taking my interest in Dimitri as interest in the mall.
"Sometimes Lissa is pretty smart and then there are times like that," Adrian shook his head while Christian just smiled.
"They figured out my account finally—I got my allowance back. So we can buy other stuff along with dresses. And you know if they let you go to the mall, they'll have to let you go to the dance." "Do we go to dances now?" I said. We never had before. School-sponsored social events? No way. "Of course not. But you know there'll be all kinds of secret parties. We'll start at the dance and sneak off." She sighed happily.
"That sounds normal for them," Alberta shook her head. Dimitri and Ivan just looked at each other thinking back to their own days at school
"Mia's so jealous she can barely stand it." She went on about all the stores we'd go to, all the things we'd buy. I admit, I was kind of excited at the thought of getting some new clothes, but I doubted I'd actually get this mythical release. "Oh hey," she said excitedly. "You should see these shoes Camille let me borrow. I never knew we wore the same size. Hang on." She opened her backpack and began rifling through it. Suddenly, she screamed and threw it down. Books and shoes spilled out. So did a dead dove.
"Who the hell is doing that to Lissa?" Christian demanded, oh when he got his hands on that person he was to kill them. Everyone wanted to know who it was and most were getting annoyed at what they were doing to Lissa
It was one of the pale brown mourning doves that sat on wires along the freeway and under trees on campus. It had so much blood on it that I couldn't figure out where the wound was. Who knew something so small even had that much blood? Regardless, the bird was definitely dead. Covering her mouth, Lissa stared wordlessly, eyes wide. "Son of a bitch," I swore. Without hesitating, I grabbed a stick and pushed the little feathered body aside. When it was out of the way, I started shoving her stuff back into the backpack, trying not to think about dead-bird germs. "Why the hell does this keep—Liss!" I leapt over and grabbed her, pulling her away. She had been kneeling on the ground, with her hand outstretched to the dove. I don't think she'd even realized what she was about to do.
"This is really getting out of hand," Tatiana said worriedly
"Would she be able to bring it back from the dead?' Adrian asked looking down at his own hands. On-one knew how to answer him
The instinct in her was so strong, it acted on its own. "Lissa," I said, tightening my hand around hers. She was still leaning toward the bird. "Don't. Don't do it." "I can save it." "No, you can't. You promised, remember? Some things have to stay dead. Let this one go." Still feeling her tension, I pleaded. "Please, Liss. You promised. No more healings. You said you wouldn't. You promised me." After a few more moments, I felt her hand relax and her body slump against mine. "I hate this, Rose. I hate all of this." Natalie walked outside then,
Dimitri and Ivan looked at each other. Both were really starting to wonder why Natalie was showing up every time something happened to Lissa
oblivious to the gruesome sight awaiting her. "Hey, do you guys—oh my God!" she squealed, seeing the dove. "What is that?" I helped Lissa as we rose to our feet. "Another, um, prank." "Is it…dead?" She scrunched up her face in disgust. "Yes," I said firmly. Natalie, picking up on our tension, looked between the two of us. "What else is wrong?" "Nothing." I handed Lissa her backpack. "This is just someone's stupid, sick joke, and I'm going to tell Kirova so they can clean this up." Natalie turned away, looking a little green.
"Well what would you suspect of a royal Moroi girl," Christian asked looking at the book. While Dimitri and Ivan were suspecting something ells
"Why do people keep doing this to you? It's horrible." Lissa and I exchanged looks. "I have no idea," I said. Yet as I walked to Kirova's office, I started to wonder. When we'd found the fox, Lissa had hinted that someone must know about the raven. I hadn't believed that. We'd been alone in the woods that night, and Ms. Karp wouldn't have told anyone. But what if someone actually had seen? What if someone kept doing this not to scare her, but to see if she'd heal again?
Dimitri and Ivan made a note of that.
"Who would like to know if she could heal, who would want to make her do that?" Adrian asked worriedly
"I get a feeling it is someone we know," Abe said worried for the two girls
What had the rabbit note said? I know what you are. I didn't mention any of this to Lissa; I figured there were only so many of my conspiracy theories she could handle. Besides, when I saw her the next day, she'd practically forgotten the dove in light of other news: Kirova had given me permission to go on the trip that weekend.
"Wow miracles do happen," Alberta said surprised, she didn't think that Kirova would let Rose go.
The prospect of shopping can brighten a lot of dark situations—even animal murder—and I put my own worries on hold.
"Is it a girl thing?" Ivan and Karolina who nodded and smiled at him
Only, when the time came, I discovered my release came with strings attached. "Headmistress Kirova thinks you've done well since coming back," Dimitri told me. "Aside from starting a fight in Mr. Nagy's class?" "She doesn't blame you for that. Not entirely. I convinced her you needed a break…and that you could use this as a training exercise."
"Thank you," Abe smiled at Dimitri who nodded
"Training exercise?" He gave me a brief explanation as we walked out to meet the others going with us. Victor Dashkov, as sickly as ever, was there with his guardians, and Natalie practically barreled into him. He smiled and gave her a careful hug, one that ended when a coughing fit took over.
"Him?" Ivan whispered to Dimitri who just looked at him worried. He couldn't imagine Victor doing that.
"Doubt it, perhaps his daughter. She does care a lot for him so," Dimitri answered
Natalie's eyes went wide with concern as she waited for it to pass. He claimed he was fine to accompany us, and while I admired his resolve, I thought he'd be putting himself through a lot just to shop with a bunch of teenage girls. We rode out the two-hour trip to Missoula in a large school van, leaving just after sunrise. Many Moroi lived separately from humans, but many also lived among them, and when shopping at their malls, you had to go during their hours. The back windows of the van had tinted glass to filter the light and keep the worst of it away from the vampires. We had nine people in our group: Lissa, Victor, Natalie, Camille, Dimitri, me, and three other guardians. Two of the guardians, Ben and Spiridon, always traveled with Victor. The third was one of the school's guardians: Stan, the jerk who'd humiliated me on my first day back.
"Just wait and see, one of these days Stan is going to tell Rose he respects her, and it's going to blindside her completely," Alberta smiled
"Camille and Natalie don't have personal guardians yet," Dimitri explained to me. "They're both under the protection of their families‟ guardians. Since they are Academy students leaving campus, a school guardian accompanies them—Stan. I go because I'm Lissa's assigned guardian. Most girls her age wouldn't have a personal guardian yet, but circumstances make her unusual." I sat in the back of the van with him and Spiridon, so they could dispense guardian wisdom to me as part of the "training exercise."
"Smart," All the guardian in the room said at that same time
Ben and Stan sat up front, while the others sat in the middle. Lissa and Victor talked to each other a lot, catching up on news. Camille, raised to be polite among older royals, smiled and nodded along. Natalie, on the other hand, looked left out and kept trying to shift her father's attention from Lissa. It didn't work. Head apparently learned to tune out her chatter.
That made Abe frown he couldn't understand why a father would ignore his own daughter. Abe knew that if he had Rose in his life he would spend all his time with her
I turned back to Dimitri. "She's supposed to have two guardians. Princes and princesses always do." Spiridon was Dimitri's age, with spiky blond hair and a more casual attitude. Despite his Greek name, he had a Southern drawl. "Don't worry, she'll have plenty when the time comes. Dimitri's already one of them. Odds are you'll be one too. And that's why you're here today."
"Hopefully," Janine and Alberta said at the same time
"The training part," I guessed. "Yup. You're going to be Dimitri's partner."
Olena looked at Dimitri with a look. Ivan just smiled at best friend
A moment of funny silence fell, probably not noticeable to anyone except Dimitri and me. Our eyes met. "Guarding partner," Dimitri clarified unnecessarily, like maybe he too had been thinking of other kinds of partners. "Yup," agreed Spiridon. Oblivious to the tension around him, he went on to explain how guardian pairs worked. It was standard stuff, straight from my textbooks, but it meant more now that I'd be doing it in the real world.
"Well that is how it always is," Alberta said hoping that Rose would learn a lot for the shopping day. The more she knew the better prepared she would be.
Guardians were assigned to Moroi based on importance. Two was a common grouping, one I'd probably work in a lot with Lissa. One guardian stayed close to the target; the other stood back and kept an eye on the surroundings. Boringly, those holding these positions were called near and far guards. "You'll probably always be near guard," Dimitri told me. "You're female
"Well that's obvious, anything ells you would like to point out." Adrian smiled at Dimitri who just glared at him.
and the same age as the princess. You can stay close to her without attracting any attention." "And I can't ever take my eyes off her," I noted. "Or you." Spiridon laughed again and elbowed Dimitri. "You've got a star student there. Did you give her a stake?" "No. She's not ready."
"Well she would be if you showed her how to use one," Abe said looking at Dimitri
"She's not ready for that," Dimitri said thinking about everything they have learned from the book so far
"I would be if someone would show me how to use one," I argued. I knew every guardian in the van had a stake and a gun concealed on him. "More to it than just using the stake," said Dimitri in his old-and-wise way. "You've still got to subdue them. And you've got to bring yourself to kill them." "Why wouldn't I kill them?" "Most Strigoi used to be Moroi who purposely turned. Sometimes they're Moroi or dhampirs turned by force. It doesn't matter. There's a strong chance you might know one of them. Could you kill someone you used to know?"
The guardians in the room all looked down, thinking about all the strigoi's they have killed before. Christian thought back to his parents and he knew that he could never have brought himself to kill them
This trip was getting less fun by the minute. "I guess so. I'd have to, right? If it's them or Lissa…" "You might still hesitate," said Dimitri. "And that hesitation could kill you. And her." "Then how do you make sure you don't hesitate?" "You have to keep telling yourself that they aren't the same people you knew. They've become something dark and twisted. Something unnatural. You have to let go of attachments and do what's right. If they have any grain of their former selves left, they'll probably be grateful." "Grateful for me killing them?" "If someone turned you into a Strigoi, what would you want?"
Everyone in the room was silent they didn't like the feeling that was growing in them, Dimitri felt himself go ice-cold. Ivan looked worriedly at his friend.
he asked. I didn't know how to answer that, so I said nothing. Never taking his eyes off me, he kept pushing. "What would you want if you knew you were going to be converted into a Strigoi against your will? If you knew you would lose all sense of your old morals and understanding of what's right and wrong? If you knew you'd live the rest of your life—your immortal life—killing innocent people? What would you want?" The van had grown uncomfortably silent. Staring at Dimitri, burdened by all those questions, I suddenly understood why he and I had this weird attraction, good looks aside.
That got a chuckle out of the girls in the room. Abe and Janine were just glaring at Dimitri and Ivan was smiling at his best friend
I'd never met anyone else who took being a guardian so seriously, who understand all the life-and-death consequences. Certainly no one my age did yet; Mason hadn't been able to understand why I couldn't relax and drink at the party. Dimitri had said I grasped my duty better than many older guardians, and I didn't get why—especially when they would have seen so much more death and danger. But I knew in that moment that he was right, that I had some weird sense of how life and death and good and evil worked with each other. So did he. We might get lonely sometimes. We might have to put our "fun" on hold. We might not be able to live the lives we wanted for ourselves. But that was the way it had to be.
Dimitri sighed sadly, Ivan looked at his friend and he knew that everything they had just heard was true, and Ivan wished he could help his friend. Olena looked at her son sadly, she wished that he and all her children had never been born dhampirs
We understood each other, understood that we had others to protect. Our lives would never be easy. And making decisions like this one was part of that. "If I became Strigoi…I'd want someone to kill me." "So would I," he said quietly. I could tell that he'd had the same flash of realization I'd just had, that same sense of connection between us.
Abe and Janine looked at each other they were worried for their daughter. Dimitri suppressed the shutter that went through him when he imagines Rose with blood-red eyes and a pale skin
"It reminds me of Mikhail hunting Sonya," murmured Victor thoughtfully. "Who are Mikhail and Sonya?" asked Lissa. Victor looked surprised. "Why, I thought you knew. Sonya Karp." "Sonya Kar…you mean, Ms. Karp? What about her?" She looked back and forth between me and her uncle. "She…became Strigoi," I said, not meeting Lissa's eyes. "By choice." I'd known Lissa would find out some day. It was the final piece of Ms. Karp's saga, a secret I'd kept to myself.
"I understand why she kept it a secret from Rose, but she should have told her earlier," Christian said worried for Lissa
"Why did Victor have mention Sonja and Mikhail?" Ivan wanted to know, he knew that Dimitri didn't suspect Victor, but something was bugging Ivan about Victor and how he always said the wrong things
A secret that worried me constantly. Lissa's face and bond registered complete and utter shock, growing in intensity when she realized I'd known and never told. "But I don't know who Mikhail is," I added. "Mikhail Tanner," said Spiridon. "Oh. Guardian Tanner. He was here before we left." I frowned. "Why is he chasing Ms. Karp?" "To kill her," said Dimitri flatly. "They were lovers." The entire Strigoi thing shifted into new focus for me.
"Not good," Yeva muttered under her breath, she was not liking the root the book was taking, and judging by the faces of everyone she was not the only one who was affected by what they were reading
Running into a Strigoi I knew during the heat of battle was one thing. Purposely hunting down someone…someone I'd loved. Well, I didn't know if I could do that, even if it was technically the right thing. "Perhaps it is time to talk about something else," said Victor gently. "Today isn't a day to dwell on depressing topics." I think all of us felt relieved to get to the mall. Shifting into my bodyguard role, I stuck by Lissa's side as we wandered from store to store, looking at all the new styles that were out there. It was nice to be in public again and to do something with her that was just fun and didn't involve any of the dark, twisted politics of the Academy.
The mood in the room got better slightly, but the dark thoughts still lingered in the minds of the readers
It was almost like old times. I'd missed just hanging out. I'd missed my best friend. Although it was only just past mid-November, the mall already had glittering holiday decorations up. I decided I had the best job ever. Admittedly, I did feel a little put out when I realized the older guardians got to stay in contact through cool little communication devices. When I protested my lack of one, Dimitri told me I'd learn better without one.
"True," Janine said thinking about how that would have distracted Rose, as she was not used to it yet
If I could handle protecting Lissa the old-fashioned way, I could handle anything. Victor and Spiridon stayed with us while Dimitri and Ben fanned out, somehow managing not to look like creepy stalker guys watching teenage girls. "This is so you," said Lissa in Macy's, handing me a low-cut tank top embellished with lace. "I'll buy it for you." I regarded it longingly, already picturing myself in it. Then, making my regular eye contact with Dimitri, I shook my head and handed it back.
Alberta, Abe, Olena and Dimitri had sad smiled on their faces, they knew what Rose was doing and it did make them proud, but it also made them sad.
"Winter's coming. I'd get cold." "Never stopped you before." Shrugging, she hung it back up. She and Camille tried on a nonstop string of clothes, their massive allowances ensuring that price posed no problem. Lissa offered to buy me anything I wanted. We'd been generous with each other our whole lives, and I didn't hesitate to take her up on it. My choices surprised her. "You've got three thermal shirts and a hoodie," she informed me, flipping through a stack of BCBG jeans.
"Well she is thing maturely," Adrian said shaking his head, he couldn't figure Rose out.
"You've gone all boring on me." "Hey, I don't see you buying slutty tops." "I'm not the one who wears them." "Thanks a lot." "You know what I mean. You're even wearing your hair up." It was true. I'd taken Dimitri's advice and wrapped my hair up in a high bun, earning a smile when he'd seen me.
Adrian and Abe just glared at Dimitri who was smiling
If I'd had molnija marks, they would have shown. Glancing around, she made sure none of the others could hear us. The feelings in the bond shifted to something more troubled. "You knew about Ms. Karp." "Yeah. I heard about it a month or so after she left." Lissa tossed a pair of embroidered jeans over her arm, not looking at me. "Why didn't you tell me?" "You didn't need to know." "You didn't think I could handle it?"
"Basically," everyone said at the same time
I kept my face perfectly blank. As I stared at her, my mind was back in time, back to two years ago. I'd been on day two of my suspension for allegedly destroying Wade's room when a royal party visited the school. I'd been allowed to attend that reception too but had been under heavy guard to make sure I didn't "try anything." Two guardians escorted me to the commons and talked quietly with each other along the way. "She killed the doctor attending her and nearly took out half the patients and nurses on her way out." "Do they have any idea where she went?" "No, they're tracking her…but, well, you know how it is." "I never expected her to do this. She never seemed like the type." "Yeah, well, Sonya was crazy. Did you see how violent she was getting near the end? She was capable of anything."
"why do I get the feeling that is why Rose didn't want to tell Vasilisa," Tatiana said worried for Lissa.
I'd been trudging along miserably and jerked my head up. "Sonya? You mean Ms. Karp?" I asked. "She killed somebody?" The two guardians exchanged looks. Finally, one said gravely, "She became a Strigoi, Rose." I stopped walking and stared. "Ms. Karp? No…she wouldn't have…" "I'm afraid so," the other one replied. "But…you should keep that to yourself. It's a tragedy. Don't make it school gossip." I went through the rest of the night in a daze. Ms. Karp. Crazy Karp. She'd killed someone to become Strigoi. I couldn't believe it. When the reception ended, I'd managed to sneak off from my guardians and steal a few precious moments with Lissa.
"Please don't let her tell Lissa, it would just end badly," Tatiana said worriedly. She didn't want to imagine what Lissa would have done with that information
"I think Rose should tell Lissa, how ells should Lissa be able to protect herself," Christian said looking at the queen
The bond had grown strong by now, and I hadn't needed to see her face to know how miserable she was. "What's wrong?" I asked her. We were in a corner of the hallway, just outside the commons. Her eyes were blank. I could feel how she had a headache; its pain transferred to me. "I…I don't know. I just feel weird. I feel like I'm being followed, like I have to be careful, you know?" I didn't know what to say. I didn't think she was being followed, but Ms. Karp used to say the same thing. Always paranoid. "It's probably nothing," I said lightly.
"I'm getting the feeling that someone is following them," Dimitri said worriedly
"Probably," she agreed. Her eyes suddenly narrowed. "But Wade isn't. He won't shut up about what happened. You can't believe the things he's saying about you." I could, actually but I didn't care. "Forget about him. he's nothing." "I hate him," she said. Her voice was uncharacteristically sharp. "I'm on the committee with him for that fund-raiser, and I hate hearing him run his fat mouth every day and seeing him flirt with anything female that walks by. You shouldn't be punished for what he did. He needs to pay." My mouth went dry. "It's okay…I don't care. Calm down, Liss." "I care," she snapped, turning her anger on me. "I wish there was a way I could get back at him. Some way to hurt him like he hurt you." She put her hands behind her back and paced back and forth furiously, her steps hard and purposeful. The hatred and anger boiled within her. I could feel it in the bond. It felt like a storm, and it scared the hell out of me.
That got everyone ells worried as well, they still didn't like it when Lissa's emotions got so strong. And Dimitri and Ivan were beginning to suspect her emotions might be cause or enhanced by something ells
Wrapped around it all was an uncertainty, an instability that said Lissa didn't know what to do but that she wanted desperately to do something. Anything. My mind flashed to the night with the baseball bat. And then I thought about Ms. Karp. She became a Strigoi, Rose. It was the scariest moment of my life. Scarier than seeing her in Wade's room. Scarier than seeing her heal that raven. Scarier than my capture by the guardians would be. Because just then, I didn't know my best friend. I didn't know what she was capable of.
Everyone froze. No-one knew how to respond to that. If Rose believed that Lissa could turn then there was no doubt in their minds that Lissa would be capable of it.
A year earlier, I would have laughed at anyone who said she'd want to go Strigoi. But a year earlier, I also would have laughed at anyone who said she'd want to cut her wrists or make someone "pay." In that moment, I suddenly believed she might do the impossible. And I had to make sure she didn't. Save her. Save her from herself. "We're leaving," I said, taking her arm and steering her down the hall. "Right now." Confusion momentarily replaced her anger. "What do you mean? You want to go to the woods or something?" I didn't answer.
"This is how they escaped?" Alberta said shocked.
Something in my attitude or words must have startled her, because she didn't question me as I led us out of the commons, cutting across campus toward the parking lot where visitors came. It was filled with cars belonging to tonight's guests. One of them was a large Lincoln Town Car, and I watched as its chauffeur started it up. "Someone's leaving early," I said, peering at him from around a cluster of bushes. I glanced behind us and saw nothing. "They'll probably be here any minute." Lissa caught on. "When you said, 'We're leaving,' you meant…no. Rose, we can't leave the Academy. We'd never get through the wards and checkpoints." "We don't have to," I said firmly. "He does." "But how does that help us?" I took a deep breath, regretting what I had to say but seeing it as the lesser of evils. "You know how you made Wade do those things?" She flinched but nodded. "I need you to do the same thing. Go up to that guy and tell him to hide us in his trunk."
The room was speechless, no-one thought that it was that easy for the girls to get out,
Shock and fear poured out of her. She didn't understand, and she was scared. Extremely scared. She'd been scared for weeks now, ever since the healing and the moods and Wade. She was fragile and on the edge of something neither of us understood. But through all of that, she trusted me. She believed I would keep her safe. "Okay," she said. She took a few steps toward him, then looked back at me. "Why? Why are we doing this?" I thought about Lissa's anger, her desire to do anything to get back at Wade. And I thought about Ms. Karp—pretty, unstable Ms. Karp—going Strigoi. "I'm taking care of you," I said. "You don't need to know anything else." At the mall in Missoula, standing between racks of designer clothes, Lissa asked again, "Why didn't you tell me?" "You didn't need to know," I repeated. She headed toward the dressing room, still whispering with me. "You're worried I'm going to lose it. Are you worried I'll go Strigoi too?"
"Yes," Everyone said at the same time
"No. No way. That was all her. You'd never do that." "Even if I was crazy?" "No," I said, trying to make a joke. "You'd just shave your head and live with thirty cats." Lissa's feelings grew darker, but she didn't say anything else. Stopping just outside the dressing room, she pulled a black dress off the rack. She brightened a little. "This is the dress you were born for. I don't care how practical you are now." Made of silky black material, the dress was strapless and sleek, falling about to the knees. Although it had a slight flair at the hemline, the rest looked like it would definitely manage some serious clinging action. Super sexy. Maybe even challenge-the-school-dress-code sexy.
"And the rose I know is back," Alberta smiled shaking her head. Dimitri and Adrian were curious to see how Rose would look in the dress
"That is my dress," I admitted. I kept staring at it, wanting it so badly that it ached in my chest. This was the kind of dress that changed the world. The kind of dress that started religions. Lissa pulled out my size. "Try it on." I shook my head and started to put it back. "I can't. It would compromise you. One dress isn't worth your grisly death." "Then we'll just get it without you trying it on." She bought the dress.
Olena smiled and shook her head. She really loved how much Lissa and Rose love each other, it reminded her a lot of Dimitri and Ivan
The afternoon continued, and I found myself growing tired. Always watching and being on guard suddenly became a lot less fun. When we hit our last stop, a jewelry store, I felt kind of glad. "Here you go," said Lissa, pointing at one of the cases. "The necklace made to go with your dress." I looked. A thin gold chain with a gold-and-diamond rose pendant. Emphasis on the diamond part. "I hate rose stuff."
"Why does she hate rose-themed things?" Adrian pouted
"Maybe because it's her name and cliché," Christian smirked up at Adrian. Both Dimitri and Adrian made a mental note that Rose didn't like rose things
Lissa had always loved getting me rose things—just to see my reaction, I think. When she saw the necklace's price, her smile fell away. "Oh, look at that. Even you have limits," I teased. "Your crazy spending is stopped at last." We waited for Victor and Natalie to finish up. He was apparently buying her something, and she looked like she might grow wings and fly away with happiness. I was glad. She'd been dying for his attention.
Abe smiled and nodded approving, even though he thought that Victor should have given Natalie more attention from the begging. Abe knew that when he was allowed back into Rose's life he was going to give her all his attention
Hopefully he was buying her something extra-expensive to make up for it. We rode home in tired silence, our sleep schedules all messed up by the daylight trip. Sitting next to Dimitri, I leaned back against the seat and yawned, very aware that our arms were touching. That feeling of closeness and connection burned between us. "So, I can't ever try on clothes again?" I asked quietly not wanting to wake up the others. Victor and the guardians were awake, but the girls had fallen asleep. "When you aren't on duty, you can. You can do it during your time off." "I don't ever want time off. I want to always take care of Lissa."
All the guardians shook their heads, they knew how Rose felt. But they also knew that eventually they were going to have to take time off. They can't work 24/7 the whole year round till they die
I yawned again. "Did you see that dress?" "I saw the dress." "Did you like it?" He didn't answer. I took that as a yes. "Am I going to endanger my reputation if I wear it to the dance?" When he spoke, I could barely hear him. "You'll endanger the school." I smiled and fell asleep.
"Oh I'm so going to that dance," Adrian said with a smile. Abe, Dimitri and Ivan were glaring at him.
"You can't remember you're not in school anymore," Christian pointed out. Christian didn't what Adrian near Lissa. Tatiana saw that as the perfect way to get Lissa and Adrian together
When I woke up, my head rested against his shoulder. That long coat of his-the duster-covered me like a blanket. The van had stopped; we were back at school. I pulled the duster off and climbed out after him, suddenly feeling wide awake and happy. Too bad my freedom was about to end. "Back to prison," I sighed, walking beside Lissa toward the commons. "Maybe if you fake a heart attack, I can make a break for it." "Without your clothes?" She handed me a bag, and I swung it around happily. "I can't wait to see the dress." "Me either. If they let me go. Kirova's still deciding if I've been good enough." "Show her those boring shirts you bought. She'll go into a coma. I'm about ready to."
"Very true," Alberta smiled
I laughed and hopped up onto one of the wooden benches, pacing her as I walked along it. I jumped back down when I reached the end. "They aren't that boring." "I don't know what to think of this new, responsible Rose." I hopped up onto another bench. "I'm not that responsible." "Hey," called Spiridon. He and the rest of the group trailed behind us. "You're still on duty. No fun allowed up there." "No fun here," I called back, hearing the laughter in his voice.
"Well we all enjoy to see people act their age every now and then," Alberta answered before anyone could ask
"I swear—shit." I was up on a third bench, near the end of it. My muscles tensed, ready to jump back down. Only when I tried to, my foot didn't go with me. The wood, at one moment seemingly hard and solid, gave way beneath me, almost as though made of paper. It disintegrated. My foot went through, my ankle getting caught in the hole while the rest of my body tried to go in another direction. The bench held me, swinging my body to the ground while still seizing my foot. My ankle bent in an unnatural direction. I crashed down. I heard a cracking sound that wasn't the wood. The worst pain of my life shot through my body. And then I blacked out.
The room was silent. Karolina took the book from Olean's hand in a hurry.