TWENTY-TWO
HORROR AND SHOCK CONSUMED ME, so much so that I thought my soul would shrivel, that the world would end right then and there -because surely, surely it couldn't keep going on after this. No one could keep going on after this. I wanted to shriek my pain to the universe. I wanted to cry until I melted. I wanted to sink down beside Mason and die with him.
Dimitri wished he could just scoop Roza up and tell her that everything will be okay.
Elena released me, apparently deciding I posed no danger positioned as I was between her and Isaiah. She turned toward Mason's body. And I stopped feeling. I simply acted. "Don't. Touch. Him." I didn't recognize my own voice.
Mark realized what was happening. He hoped that this would be able to help Rose but he doubted it as Rose still would need a weapon to fight with.
She rolled her eyes. "Good grief, you're annoying. I'm started to see Isaiah's point -you do need to suffer before dying." Turning away, she knelt down to the floor and flipped Mason over onto his back. "Don't touch him!" I screamed. I shoved her with little effect. She shoved back, nearly knocking me over. It was all I could do to steady my feet and stay upright. Isaiah looked on with amused interest; then his gaze fell to the floor. Lissa's chotki had fallen out of my coat pocket.
"No," Christian and Tatiana said at the same time.
He picked it up. Strigoi could touch holy objects -the stories about them fearing crosses weren't true. They just couldn't enter holy ground. He flipped the cross over and ran his fingers over the etched dragon. "Ah, the Dragomirs," he mused. "I'd forgotten about them. Easy to. There's what, one? Two of them left? Barely worth remembering."
Christian glared at the book, Lissa barely worth remembering, ha not true.
Those horrible red eyes focused on me. "Do you know any of them? I'll have to see to them one of these days. It won't be very hard to -" Suddenly, I heard an explosion. The aquarium burst apart as water shot out of it, shattering the glass. Pieces of it flew toward me, but I barely noticed. The water coalesced in the air, forming a lopsided sphere. It began to float.
"Mia," Christian said still shell shocked.
Toward Isaiah. I felt my jaw drop as I stared at it. He watched it too, more puzzled than scared. At least until it wrapped around his face and started suffocating him. Much like the bullets, suffocation wouldn't kill him. But it could cause him a hell of a lot of discomfort. His hands flew to his face, desperately trying to "pry" the water away. It was no use. His fingers simply slipped through. Elena forgot about Mason and jumped to her feet. "What is it?" she shrieked. She shook him in an equally useless effort to free him. "What's happening?" Again, I didn't feel. I acted.
"Good," Janine whispered, she hoped Rose would try to make a run for it.
My hand closed around a large piece of glass from the broken aquarium. It was jagged and sharp, cutting into my hand. Sprinting forward, I plunged the shard into Isaiah's chest, aiming for the heart I'd worked so hard to find in practice. Isaiah emitted a strangled scream through the water and collapsed to the floor.
Dimitri nodded with his eyes still closed, he just wished that Roza had done that to Elena and then made a run for it.
His eyes rolled back in his head as he blacked out from the pain. Elena stared, as shocked as I'd been when Isaiah had killed Mason. Isaiah wasn't dead, of course, but he was temporarily down for the count. Her face clearly showed she hadn't thought that was possible.
"Given how old he was I understand that," Alberta said with no emotion.
The smart thing at that point would have been to run toward the door and the sun's safety. Instead, I ran in the opposite direction, toward the fireplace. I grabbed one of the antique swords and turned back toward Elena. I didn't have far to go, because she'd recovered herself and was heading toward me. Snarling with rage, she tried to grab me. I had never trained with a sword, but I had been taught to fight with any makeshift weapon I could find.
The room was silent everyone but Mason and Eddie wondering why Rose had not made a run for the door, Mason and Eddie were still shell shocked.
I used the sword to keep distance between us, my motions clumsy but effective for the time being. White fangs flashed in her mouth. "I am going to make you -" "Suffer, pay, regret I was ever born?" I suggested. I remembered fighting with my mom, how I'd been on the defensive the whole time. That wouldn't work this time.
Janine nodded agreeing with her.
I had to attack. Jabbing forward, I tried to land a blow on Elena. No luck. She anticipated my every move. Suddenly, from behind her, Isaiah groaned as he started to come around. She glanced back, the smallest of motions that let me swipe the sword across her chest. It cut the fabric of her shirt and grazed the skin, but nothing more.
"But that would have startled her enough," Dimitri commented.
Still, she flinched and looked down in panic. I think the glass going through Isaiah's heart was still fresh in her mind. And that was what I really needed. I mustered all my strength, drew back, and swung. The sword's blade hit the side of her neck, hard and deep.
Everyone was silent no one knew what to say.
She gave a horrible, sickening cry, a shriek that made my skin crawl. She tried to move toward me. I pulled back and hit again. Her hands clutched at her throat, and her knees gave way. I struck and struck, the sword digging deeper into her neck each time. Cutting off someone's head was harder than I'd thought it would be.
The guardians nodded agreeing with her.
The old, dull sword probably wasn't helping.
"Dull!" Abe exclaimed shocked along with everyone.
But finally, I gained enough sense to realize she wasn't moving. Her head lay there, detached from her body,
Everyone stared at the book, they couldn't believe what they were hearing. Rose had just cut off a strigoi's head with a dull blade.
her dead eyes looking up at me as though she couldn't believe what had happened. That made two of us. Someone was screaming, and for a surreal second, I thought it was still Elena. Then I lifted my eyes and looked across the room. Mia stood in the doorway, eyes bugging out and skin tinged green like she might throw up. Distantly, in the back of my mind, I realized she was the one who'd made the aquarium explode. Water magic apparently wasn't worthless after all.
"It definitely isn't," Christian nodded wondering what else a water user would be able to do.
Still a bit shaken, Isaiah tried to rise to his feet. But I was on him before he could fully manage it. The sword sang out, wreaking blood and pain with each blow. I felt like an old pro now. Isaiah fell back to the floor. In my mind, I kept seeing him break Mason's neck, and I hacked and hacked as hard as I could, as though striking fiercely enough might somehow banish the memory.
Janine broke down, tears were running down her cheek. Abe quickly had her in his arms, trying to comfort her but was also in shock.
"Rose! Rose!" Through my hate-filled haze, I just barely detected Mia's voice. "Rose, he's dead!" Slowly, shakily, I held back the next blow and looked down at his body -and the head no longer attached to it. She was right. He was dead. Very, very dead.
The Belikov woman looked about ready to pass out. Ivan and Dimitri looked at the book like they didn't know how to react to what was going on.
I looked at the rest of the room. There was blood everywhere, but the horror of it didn't really register with me. My world had slowed down, slowed down to two very simple tasks. Kill the Strigoi. Protect Mason. I couldn't process anything else. "Rose," whispered Mia. She was trembling, her words filled with fear. She was afraid of me, not the Strigoi.
"I would be too," Christian whispered.
"Rose, we have to go. Come on." I dragged my eyes away from her and looked down at Isaiah's remains. After several moments, I crawled over to Mason's body, still clutching the sword. "No," I croaked out. "I can't leave him. Other Strigoi might come..." My eyes burned like I desperately wanted to cry. I couldn't say for sure. The bloodlust still pounded in me, violence and rage the only emotions I was capable of anymore.
Mark nodded he understood what Rose was feeling. When the darkness took over it was hard to do anything other than obey your instincts.
"Rose, we'll come back for him. If other Strigoi are coming, we have to get out." "No," I repeated, not even looking at her. "I'm not leaving him. I won't leave him alone." With my free hand, I stroked Mason's hair. "Rose -" I jerked my head up. "Get out!" I screamed at her. "Get out, and leave us alone." She took a few steps forward, and I lifted the sword. She froze. "Get out," I repeated. "Go find the others." Slowly, Mia backed up toward the door. She gave me one last, desperate look before running outside.
"Good," Mark whispered he didn't want to hear about what would have happened if Rose had attacked Mia. Mia as an easy target and hearing about what Rose did to the strigoi, Mia would be in pieces.
Silence fell, and I relaxed my hold on the sword but refused to let it go. My body sagged forward, and I rested my head on Mason's chest. I became oblivious to everything: to the world around me, to time itself. Seconds could have passed. Hours could have passed. I didn't know. I didn't know anything except that I couldn't leave Mason alone. I existed in an altered state, a state that just barely kept the terror and grief at bay. I couldn't believe Mason was dead. I couldn't believe I'd just summoned death.
Ivan and Olena looked at the book sadly. They wanted to comfort Rose, tell her that everything would be okay. Janine and Abe were just happy that Rose was relative safe in at the moment, they just wished she had gone with Mia.
So long as I refused to acknowledge either, I could pretend they hadn't happened. Footsteps and voices eventually sounded, and I lifted my head up. People poured in through the door, lots of them. I couldn't really make out any of them. I didn't need to. They were threats, threats I had to keep Mason safe from. A couple of them approached me, and I leapt up, lifting the sword and holding it protectively over his body. "Stay back," I warned. "Stay away from him." They kept coming. "Stay back!" I yelled. They stopped. Except for one. "Rose," came a soft voice. "Drop the sword." My hands shook. I swallowed. "Get away from us." "Rose." The voice spoke again, a voice that my soul would have known anywhere. Hesitantly, I let myself finally become aware of my surroundings, let the details sink in. I let my eyes focus on the features of the man standing there. Dimitri's brown eyes, gentle and firm, looked down on me.
Mark relaxed, it seemed that it was Dimitri who would be able to pull Rose from the darkness. The room relaxed, the guardians were there and that meant Rose was safe. Dimitri relaxed happy that Rose was with him.
"It's okay," he said. "Everything's going to be okay. You can let go of the sword." My hands shook even harder as I fought to hold on to the hilt. "I can't." The words hurt coming out. "I can't leave him alone. I have to protect him." "You have," said Dimitri. The sword fell out of my hands, landing with a loud clatter on the wooden floor. I followed, collapsing on all fours, wanting to cry but still unable to.
Mason took a breath before he began to sob, Eddie wasn't far behind him.
Dimitri's arms wrapped around me as he helped me up. Voices swarmed around us, and one by one, I recognized people I knew and trusted. He started to tug me toward the door, but I refused to move just yet. I couldn't. My hands clutched his shirt, crumpling the fabric. Still keeping one arm around me, he smoothed my hair back away from my face. I leaned my head against him, and he continued stroking my hair, murmuring something in Russian. I didn't understand a word of it, but the gentle tone soothed me.
"Thank you," Abe smiled at Dimitri sadly, Abe and Janine wished they could have done something for their daughter. Dimitri was just happy to help Roza at that moment.
Guardians were spreading throughout the house, examining it inch by inch. A couple of them approached us and knelt by the bodies I refused to look at. "She did that? Both of them?" "That sword hasn't been sharpened in years!" A funny sound caught in my throat. Dimitri squeezed my shoulder comfortingly. "Get her out of here, Belikov," I heard a woman say behind him, her voice familiar. Dimitri squeezed my shoulder again. "Come on, Roza. It's time to go." This time, I went.
"She needed her mom," Olena said looking at Janine who didn't know what to say or to do.
He guided me out of the house, holding onto me as I managed each agonizing step. My mind still refused to really process what had happened. I couldn't do much more than follow simple directions from those around me. I eventually ended up on one of the Academy's jets. Engines roared around us as the plane lifted off. Dimitri murmured something about coming back shortly and left me alone in my seat. I stared straight ahead, studying the details of the seat in front of me. Someone sat beside me and draped a blanket over my shoulders. I noticed then just how badly I was shivering. I tugged at the edges of the blanket. "I'm cold," I said. "How am I so cold?" "You're in shock," Mia answered.
"Remind me to thank her the next time I see her," Abe said gratefully that Mia had chosen to help his daughter.
I turned and looked at her, studying her blond curls and big blue eyes. Something about seeing her unleashed my memories. It all tumbled back. I squeezed my eyes shut. "Oh God," I breathed. I opened my eyes and focused on her again. "You saved me -saved me when you blew up the fish tank. You shouldn't have done it. You shouldn't have come back." She shrugged.
"True, but I'm glad she did," Alberta breathed, slowly letting her emotions go.
"You shouldn't have gone for the sword." Fair point. "Thank you," I told her. "What you did ... I never would have thought of that. It was brilliant." "I don't know about that," she mused, smiling ruefully. "Water isn't much of a weapon, remember?" I choked on a laugh, even though I really didn't find my old words that funny. Not anymore. "Water's a great weapon," I said finally.
"It definitely is," Ivan nodded.
"When we get back, we'll have to practice ways to use it." Her face lit up. Fierceness shone out from her eyes. "I'd like that. More than anything." "I'm sorry ... sorry about your mom." Mia simply nodded. "You're lucky to still have yours. You don't know how lucky." I turned and stared at the seat again. The next words out of my mouth startled me: "I wish she was here." "She is," said Mia, sounding surprised. "She was with the group that raided the house. Didn't you see her?" I shook my head. We lapsed into silence. Mia stood up and left. A minute later, someone else sat down beside me. I didn't have to see her to know who she was.
Janine looked at the book, Abe squeezed her hand.
I just knew. "Rose," said my mother. For once in my life, she sounded unsure of herself. Scared, maybe. "Mia said you wanted to see me." I didn't answer. I didn't look at her. "What...what do you need?"
"Hug her," Olena and Karolina said at the same time. Karolina was hugging Paul who had silent tears running down his face, while Olena had Sonja in her arms.
I didn't know what I needed. I didn't know what to do. The stinging in my eyes grew unbearable, and before I knew it, I was crying. Big, painful sobs seized my body. The tears I'd held back so long poured down my face. The fear and grief I'd refused to let myself feel finally burst free, burning in my chest. I could scarcely breathe. My mother put her arms around me, and I buried my face in her chest, sobbing even harder. "I know," she said softly, tightening her grip on me. "I understand."
Yeva closed the book and looked around the room. Mason and Eddie sat there silently crying, both their emotions crashing over them like waves. Adrian and Christian didn't know what to say, they wanted to help but they didn't know how what they could do.
"One more chapter then let's call it a night," Yeva said holding out the book for Ivan.
~~~~
Ivan opened the book and took a breath, the last couple of chapters had been hard and he wanted to get through this chapter as fast as possible.
Twenty-three
THE WEATHER WARMED UP ON the day of my molnija ceremony.
Abe, Janine, Alberta, and Dimitri all had proud smiles on their faces at that. Mason and Eddie were still shocked by the event of the last chapter but thankfully had stopped crying. Christian and Adrian were trying to think of a way to lighten the mood, while Ivan was just glad that Rose was okay.
In fact, it was so warm that a lot of the snow on campus began melting, running down the sides of the Academy's stone buildings in slim, silvery streams. Winter was far from being over, so I knew everything would just freeze up again in a few days. For now, though, it felt as though the entire world was weeping.
"It was," Alberta said looking sadly at Mason,
I had walked away from the Spokane incident with minor bruises and cuts. The burns from the melting flex-cuffs were the worst of my injuries.
"Thank god for that," Abe said relieved, he was worried that Rose had gotten more hurt with the whole sword thing.
But I was still having a hard time dealing with the death I'd caused and the death I'd seen.
"That is normal," Janine said sadly. She could still remember her first kill and she had been older than Rose at that time.
I'd wanted little more than to go curl up in a ball somewhere and not talk to anyone, except maybe Lissa. But on my fourth day back at the Academy, my mother had found me and told me it was time to receive my marks. It had taken me several moments to grasp what she was talking about. Then it occurred to me that in decapitating two Strigoi, I'd earned two molnija tattoos. My first ones.
"And hopefully her last ones," Dimitri hoped.
The realization had stunned me. All my life, in considering my future career as a guardian, I'd looked forward to the marks. I'd seen them as badges of honor. But now? Mainly they were going to be reminders of something I wanted to forget.
The guardians nodded.
The ceremony took place in the guardians' building, in a large room they used for meetings and banquets. It was nothing at all like the great dining room at the resort. It was efficient and practical, like the guardians were. The carpet was a bluish gray shade, low and tightly woven. The bare white walls held framed black-and-white photos of St. Vladimir's through the years. There were no other decorations or fanfare, yet the solemnity and power of the moment were palpable. All the guardians on campus -but no novices-attended.
"Well normally only guardians get the marks not novices," Alberta nodded trying to think of a situation that was the same as Rose's.
They milled around in the building's main meeting room, hanging out in clusters but not talking. When the ceremony started, they fell into orderly ranks without being told and watched me. I sat on a stool in the corner of the room, leaning forward with my hair hanging over the front of my face. Behind me, a guardian named Lionel held a tattooist's needle to the back of my neck. I'd known him the whole time I'd been at the Academy, but I'd never realized he was trained to draw molnija marks.
"Very few students knew that" Alberta said while chuckling.
Before he started, he had a murmured conversation with my mother and Alberta. "She won't have a promise mark," he said. "She hasn't graduated." "It happens," said Alberta. "She made the kills. Do the molnijas, and she'll get the promise mark later."
"But rarely," Alberta added when she saw the look on Tatiana's face.
Considering the pain I regularly put myself through, I didn't expect the tattoos to hurt as much as they did. But I bit my lip and stayed silent as Lionel made the marks. The process seemed to go on forever. When he finished, he produced a couple of mirrors, and with some maneuvering, I was able to see the back of my neck. Two tiny black marks sat there, side by side, against my reddened and sensitive skin.
Dimitri rubbed the back of his neck, as did the other guardians in the room. They all were hyper-aware of their own marks.
Molnija meant "lightning" in Russian, and that's what the jagged shape was meant to symbolize. Two marks. One for Isaiah, one for Elena. Once I'd seen them, he bandaged them up and gave me some instructions about caring for them while they healed. Most of it I missed, but I figured I could ask again later.
"Everyone does," Dimitri chuckled.
I was still kind of shocked by it all. After that, all the gathered guardians came up to me one by one. They each gave me some sort of sign of affection -a hug, a kiss on the cheek-and kind words. "Welcome to the ranks," said Alberta, her weathered face gentle as she pulled me into a tight embrace.
Alberta chuckled and shook her head.
Dimitri didn't say anything when his turn came, but as always, his eyes spoke legions. Pride and tenderness filled his expression, and I swallowed back tears. He rested one hand gently on my cheek, nodded, and walked away.
"You should have kissed her," Ivan and Karolina said at the same time.
When Stan -the instructor I'd fought with the most since my first day-hugged me and said, "Now you're one of us. I always knew you'd be one of the best," I thought I'd pass out.
Shockingly that got a sad smiles from Mason and Eddie, it was nice to see Stan giving Rose the praise she deserves.
And then when my mother came up to me, I couldn't help the tear that ran down my cheek. She wiped it away and then brushed her fingers against the back of my neck. "Don't ever forget," she told me. Nobody said, "Congratulations," and I was glad.
The guardians nodded,
Death wasn't anything to get excited about. When that was done, drinks and food were served. I walked to the buffet table and made a plate for myself of miniature feta quiches and a slice of mango cheesecake. I ate without really tasting the food and answered questions from others without even knowing what I said half the time. It was like I was a Rose robot, going through the motions of what was expected.
"If she was fine, I would have been worried," Abe said wishing he could have given her a hug.
On the back of my neck, my skin stung from the tattoos, and in my mind, I kept seeing Mason's blue eyes and Isaiah's red ones. I felt guilty for not enjoying my big day more, but I was relieved when the group finally started dispersing. My mother walked up to me as others murmured their goodbyes. Aside from her words here at the ceremony, we hadn't talked much since my breakdown on the plane.
"Let's change that this time around," Abe smiled at Janine, who nodded agreeing with him.
I still felt a little funny about that -and a little embarrassed as well. She'd never mentioned it, but something very small had shifted in the nature of our relationship. We weren't anywhere near being friends...but we weren't exactly enemies anymore either. "Lord Szelsky
Abe rolled his eyes at that. He had never liked the man.
is leaving soon," she told me as we stood near the building's doorway, not far from where I'd yelled for her on that first day we'd talked. "I'll be going with him." "I know," I said. There was no question she'd leave. That was how it was. Guardians followed Moroi. They came first. She regarded me for a few moments, her brown eyes thoughtful. For the first time in a long time, I felt like we were actually looking eye to eye, as opposed to her looking down on me.
"About time," Olena said looking at Janine, who nodded agreeing with her.
It was about time, too, seeing as I had half a foot of height on her. "You did well," she said at last. "Considering the circumstances." It was only half a compliment, but I deserved no more. I understood now the mistakes and lapses of judgment that had led to the events at Isaiah's house. Some had been my fault; some hadn't. I wished I could have changed some of my actions,
"We all do," Dimitri said sadly.
but I knew she was right. I'd done the best I could in the end with the mess before me. "Killing Strigoi wasn't as glamorous as I thought it'd be," I told her. She gave me a sad smile. "No. It never is." I thought then about all the marks on her neck, all the kills. I shuddered. "Oh, hey." Eager to change the subject, I reached into my pocket and pulled out the little blue eye pendant she'd given me. "This thing you gave me. It's a n-nazari" I stumbled over the word.
Abe and Janine smiled at that.
She looked surprised. "Yes. How'd you know?" I didn't want to explain my dreams with Adrian. "Someone told me. It's a protection thing, right?" A pensive look crossed her face, and then she exhaled and nodded. "Yes. It comes from an old superstition in the Middle East...Some people believe that those who want to hurt you can curse you or give you 'the evil eye.' The nazar is meant to counteract the evil eye ... and just bring protection in general to those who wear it." I ran my fingers over the piece of glass. "Middle East...so, places sort of like, um, Turkey?"
"Smart girl," Abe smiled proudly.
My mother's lips quirked. "Places exactly like Turkey." She hesitated. "It was ... a gift. A gift I received a long time ago ..." Her gaze turned inward, lost in memory. "I got a lot of ... attention from men when I was your age. Attention that seemed flattering at first but wasn't in the end. It's hard to tell the difference sometimes, between what's real affection and what's someone wanting to take advantage of you. But when you feel the real thing...well, you'll know." I understood then why she was so overprotective about my reputation -she'd endangered her own when she was younger.
"Like mother, like daughter," Abe and Alberta said at the same time.
Maybe more than that had been damaged. I also knew why she'd given the nazar to me. My father had given it to her. I didn't think she wanted to talk anymore about it, so I didn't ask. It was enough to know that maybe, just maybe, their relationship hadn't been all about business and genes after all.
"Most certainly not," Abe nodded kissing Janine's head.
We said goodbye, and I returned to my classes. Everyone knew where I'd been that morning, and my fellow novices wanted to see my molnija marks. I didn't blame them. If our roles had been reversed, I would have been harassing me too. "Come on, Rose," begged Shane Reyes. We were walking out of our morning practice, and he kept swatting my ponytail. I made a mental note to wear my hair down tomorrow.
"Smart move," Dimitri nodded.
Several others followed us and echoed his requests. "Yeah, come on. Let's see what you got for your swordsmanship!" Their eyes shone with eagerness and excitement. I was a hero, their classmate who'd dispatched the leaders of the roving band of Strigoi that had so terrorized us over the holidays. But I met the eyes of someone standing at the back of the group, someone who looked neither eager nor excited. Eddie. Meeting my gaze, he gave me a small, sad smile. He understood.
"Well at least someone did," Mason said sadly, he hated what had happened and what it would do to Rose and Eddie.
"Sorry, guys," I said, turning back to the others. "They have to stay bandaged. Doctor's orders." This was met with grumbles that soon turned into questions about how I'd actually killed the Strigoi. Decapitation was one of the hardest and rarest ways to kill a vampire; it wasn't like carrying a sword was convenient. So I did my best to tell my friends what had happened, making sure to stick to the facts and not glorify the killings.
"She's growing up," Alberta said sadly.
The school day couldn't end a moment too soon, and Lissa walked with me back to my dorm. She and I hadn't had the chance to talk much since everything had gone down in Spokane. I'd undergone a lot of questioning, and then there'd been Mason's funeral. Lissa had also been caught up in her own distractions with the royals leaving campus, so she'd had no more free time than me. Being near her made me feel better.
Christian smiled, he hoped he and Lissa had patched things up.
Even though I could be in her head at any time, it just wasn't the same as actually being physically around another living person who cared about you. When we got to the door of my room, I saw a bouquet of freesias sitting on the floor near it. Sighing, I picked up the fragrant flowers without even looking at the attached card.
Dimitri and Ivan glared at Adrian who looked intrigued at the idea.
"What are those?" asked Lissa while I unlocked the door. "They're from Adrian," I told her. We walked inside, and I pointed to my desk, where a few other bouquets sat. I put the freesias down beside them. "I'll be glad when he leaves campus. I don't think I can take much more of this." She turned to me in surprise. "Oh. Um, you don't know."
"No," Dimitri and Abe said at the same time, while Adrian looked excited at the idea.
I got that warning twinge through the bond that told me I wouldn't like what was about to come. "Know what?" "Uh, he isn't leaving. He's going to stay here for a while." "He has to leave," I argued.
"Agreed," Ivan, Dimitri and Abe said at the same time. Janine also didn't want Adrian anywhere near Rose, but then again, she also didn't want Dimitri near her daughter.
To my knowledge, the only reason he'd come back at all was because of Mason's funeral, and I still wasn't sure why he'd done that, since he barely knew Mason. Maybe Adrian had just done it for show. Or maybe to keep stalking Lissa and me.
"Both," Adrian smiled, proud of himself.
"He's in college. Or maybe reform school. I don't know, but he does something." "He's taking the semester off." I stared.
Tatiana shook her head.
Smiling at my shock, she nodded. "He's going to stay and work with me... and Ms. Carmack. All this time, he never even knew what spirit was. He just knew he hadn't specialized but that he had these weird abilities. He just kept them to himself, except for when he occasionally found another spirit user. But they didn't know any more than he did."
"It would be fun to find out what we all could do," Adrian nodded.
"I should have figured it out sooner," I mused. "There was something about being around him. ... I always wanted to talk to him, you know? He just has this ... charisma. Like you do. I guess it's all tied into spirit and compulsion or whatever. It makes me like him ... even though I don't like him."
Adrian pouted at that. While Abe and Dimitri were happy hear that Rose felt that way.
"Don't you?" she teased. "No," I replied adamantly. "And I don't like that dream thing, either." Her jade eyes went wide with wonder. "That is cool," she said. "You've always been able to tell what's going on with me, but I've never been able to communicate with you the other way. I'm glad you guys got away when you did...but I wish I could have figured out the dream thing and helped find you."
"Oh please no," Christian shook his head he didn't want to imagine what would have happened if Lissa had been involved.
"Not me," I said. "I'm glad Adrian didn't get you to go off your meds." I hadn't found that out until a few days after being in Spokane. Lissa had apparently rejected Adrian's initial suggestion that stopping the pills would let her learn more about spirit.
"That is good," Christian said relieved he never wanted to hear about Lissa wanting to harm herself again.
She had admitted to me later, however, that if Christian and I had stayed missing much longer, she might have cracked. "How are you feeling lately?" I asked, recalling her concerns about the medication. "You still feel like the pills aren't working?" "Mmm...well, it's hard to explain. I still feel closer to the magic, like maybe they aren't blocking me so much anymore. But I'm not feeling any of the other mental side effects...not upset or anything." "Wow, that's great." A beautiful smile lit her face. "I know. It makes me think there might be hope for me to learn to work the magic after all someday."
"There is," Oksana smiled looking at Mark fondly.
Seeing her so happy made me smile back. I hadn't liked seeing those dark feelings starting to return and was glad they'd vanished. I didn't understand the how or the why, but as long as she felt okay - Everyone has light around them, except for you. You have shadows. You take them from Lissa.
"That is the way," Oksana and Mark said at the same time. They just hoped that Lissa and Rose would figure out about charming silver jewelry to counter the darkness.
Adrian's words slammed into my mind. Uneasily, I thought about my behavior these last couple of weeks. Some of the angry outbursts. My rebelliousness -unusual even for me. My own black coil of emotion, stirring in my chest... No, I decided. There were no similarities. Lissa's dark feelings were magic-based. Mine were stress-based.
"No, they weren't," Mark shook his head.
Besides, I felt fine right now. Seeing her watching me, I tried to remember where we'd left off in the conversation. "Maybe you'll eventually find a way to make it work. I mean, if Adrian could find a way to use spirit and doesn't need meds ..." She suddenly laughed. "You don't know, do you?" "What?" "That Adrian does medicate himself." "He does? But he said -" I groaned. "Of course he does. The cigarettes. The drinking. God only knows what else."
"Hey I only use those two things thank you very much ," Adrian said looking offended at the idea of doing drugs.
She nodded. "Yup. He's almost always got something in his system." "But probably not at night...which is why he can poke his head into my dreams." "Man, I wish I could do that," she sighed. "Maybe you'll learn someday. Just don't become an alcoholic in the process."
"Christian and Rose won't let that happen," Alberta shook her head.
"I won't," she assured me. "But I will learn. None of the other spirit users could do it, Rose -well, aside from St. Vladimir. I'll learn like he did. I'm going to learn to use it-and I won't let it hurt me." I smiled and touched her hand. I had absolute faith in her. "I know." We talked for most of the evening. When the time came for my usual practice with Dimitri, I parted ways with her. As I walked away, I pondered something that had been bothering me. Although the attacking groups of Strigoi had had many more members, the guardians felt confident Isaiah had been their leader.
"That is good, if they were leaderless then it will take some time for them to strike again," Dimitri nodded.
That didn't mean there wouldn't be other threats in the future, but they felt it'd be a while before his followers regrouped. But I couldn't help thinking about the list I'd seen in the tunnel in Spokane, the one that had listed royal families by size. And Isaiah had mentioned the Dragomirs by name. He knew they were almost gone, and he'd sounded keen on being the one to finish them.
"That is not going to happen," Tatiana and Christian said at the same time.
Sure, he was dead now...but were there other Strigoi out there with the same idea? I shook my head. I couldn't worry about that. Not today. I still needed to recover from everything else. Soon, though. Soon I'd have to deal with this.
"We always do," Janine said worried for what is to come.
I didn't even know if our practice was still on but went to the locker room anyway. After changing into practice clothes, I headed down into the gym and found Dimitri in a supply room, reading one of the Western novels he loved. He looked up at my entrance. I'd seen little of him in these last few days and had figured he was busy with Tasha.
Ivan shuttered at that, he hoped that Dimitri wasn't as stupid as that.
"I thought you might come by," he said, putting a bookmark between the pages. "It's time for practice." He shook his head. "No. No practice today. You still need to recover." "I've got a clean bill of health. I'm good to go." I pushed as much patented Rose Hathaway bravado into my words as I could. Dimitri wasn't falling for any of it.
"Aww how cute," Ivan cooed at Dimitri who just rolled his eyes.
He gestured to the chair beside him. "Sit down, Rose." I hesitated only a moment before complying. He moved his own chair close to mine so that we sat directly across from each other. My heart fluttered as I looked into those gorgeous dark eyes. "No one gets over their first kill...kills...easily. Even with Strigoi...well, it's still technically taking a life. That's hard to come to terms with. And after everything else you went through ..."
"Well at least someone was taking her mental health into account," Abe said relieved that Dimitri could see through Rose's act.
He sighed, then reached out and caught my hand in his. His fingers were exactly like I remembered, long and powerful, calloused with years of training. "When I saw your face...when we found you in that house...you can't imagine how I felt." I swallowed. "How ... how did you feel?" "Devastated ... grief-stricken. You were alive, but the way you looked ... I didn't think you'd ever recover. And it tore me apart to think of that happening to you so young."
Alberta, Janine, and Dimitri nodded sadly; they all knew that no student should have gone through that.
He squeezed my hand. "You will recover –I know that now, and I'm glad. But you aren't there. Not yet. Losing someone you care about is never easy." My eyes dropped from his and studied the floor. "It's my fault," I said in a small voice. "Hmm?" "Mason. Getting killed."
"No, she didn't," Mason shook his head, he didn't want Rose to blame herself for his actions.
I didn't have to see Dimitri's face to know compassion was filling it. "Oh, Roza. No. You made some bad decisions...you should have told others when you knew he was gone...but you can't blame yourself. You didn't kill him." Tears brimmed in my eyes as I looked back up. "I might as well have. The whole reason he went there -it was my fault. We had a fight...and I told him about the Spokane thing, even though you asked me not to..." One tear leaked out of the corner of my eye. Really, I needed to learn to stop that.
"It's okay to cry," Karolina said wishing Rose could just let it all go and collapse into her brother's arms.
Just as my mother had, Dimitri delicately wiped the tear off my cheek. "You can't blame yourself for that," he told me. "You can regret your decisions and wish you'd done things differently, but in the end, Mason made his decisions too. That was what he chose to do. It was his decision in the end, no matter your original role." When Mason had come back for me, I realized, he'd let his feelings for me get in the way. It was what Dimitri had always feared, that if he and I had any sort of relationship, it would put us -and any Moroi we protected-in danger.
"But Mason didn't put Christian or Mia in danger so there was no reason for Rose to make that connection," Victoria shook her head.
"I just wish I'd been able to ... I don't know, do anything..." Swallowing back further tears, I pulled my hands from Dimitri's and stood up before I could say something stupid. "I should go," I said thickly. "Let me know when you want to start practice again. And thanks for ... talking." I started to turn; then I heard him say abruptly, "No." I glanced back.
"No what?' Abe asked confused, Iva looked like a kid with candy. Ivan hoped his assumption was right.
"What?" He held my gaze, and something warm and wonderful and powerful shot between us. "No," he repeated. "I told her no. Tasha."
"YES!!!" Ivan jumped up cheering. Dimitri and Christian looked at him like he was crazy. Dimitri grabbed Ivan's one hand and pulled him down into his seat.
"I ..." I shut my mouth before my jaw hit the floor. "But...why? That was a once-in-a-lifetime thing. You could have had a baby. And she ... she was, you know, into you..." The ghost of a smile flickered on his face. "Yes, she was. Is. And that's why I had to say no. I couldn't return that...couldn't give her what she wanted. Not when..." He took a few steps toward me. "Not when my heart is somewhere else."
"Suck on that Tasha," Ivan smiled trying to stop himself from doing a happy dance.
I almost started crying again. "But you seemed so into her. And you kept going on about how young I acted." "You act young," he said, "because you are young. But you know things, Roza. Things people older than you don't even know.
Everyone nodded at that.
That day ..." I knew instantly which day he referred to. The one up against the wall. "You were right, about how I fight to stay in control. No one else has ever figured that out – and it scared me. You scare me." "Why? Don't you want anyone to know?" He shrugged. "Whether they know that fact or not doesn't matter. What matters is that someone –that you-know me that well. When a person can see into your soul, it's hard. It forces you to be open. Vulnerable. It's much easier being with someone who's just more of a casual friend."
"Well, that is true, but that is no reason to be afraid of Rose," Abe shook his head.
"Like Tasha." "Tasha Ozera is an amazing woman. She's beautiful and she's brave. But she doesn't -" "She doesn't get you," I finished. He nodded. "I knew that. But I still wanted the relationship. I knew it would be easy and that she could take me away from you. I thought she could make me forget you."
"That's not going to happen," Ivan and Abe laughed shaking their heads at how foolish Dimitri was.
I'd thought the same thing about Mason. "But she couldn't." "Yes. And, so ... that's a problem." "Because it's wrong for us to be together." "Yes." "Because of the age difference." "Yes." "But more importantly because we're going to be Lissa's guardians and need to focus on her -not each other." "Yes."
"Well, that's not going to be a problem now," Ivan smiled proudly.
"Their teacher and student and let's not forget the whole age thing," Janine added.
I thought about this for a moment and then looked straight into his eyes. "Well," I said at last, "the way I see it, we aren't Lissa's guardians yet." I steeled myself for the next response. I knew it was going to be one of the Zen life lessons. Something about inner strength and perseverance, about how the choices we made today were templates for the future or some other nonsense.
"Boring," Karolina shook her head.
Instead, he kissed me.
Ivan had to stop himself from doing a happy dance this time. Abe smiled and shook his head, Janine shook her head, while Adrian just pouted.
Time stopped as he reached out and cupped my face between his hands. He brought his mouth down and brushed it against my lips. It was barely a kiss at first but soon increased, becoming heady and deep. When he finally pulled away, it was to kiss my forehead. He left his lips there for several seconds as his arms held me close. I wished the kiss could have gone on forever.
Karolina, Sonja and Victoria cooed while Olena just shook her head. Mason had a sad smile and Eddie wasn't sure how to feel.
Breaking the embrace, he ran a few fingers through my hair and down my cheek. He stepped back toward the door. "I'll see you later, Roza." "At our next practice?" I asked. "We are starting those up again, right? I mean, you still have things to teach me." Standing in the doorway, he looked over at me and smiled. "Yes. Lots of things."
"I don't like that implication," Abe said as his smile turned into a frown as he looked at Dimitri. Meanwhile, Ivan closed the book and placed it on the table.