7

Bella felt like she had been punched in the gut. Jasper sat there, staring at her with tears in his eyes as she replayed the words over and over inside her head. He was married. He was married. He was fucking married, and he'd kissed her just half an hour ago.

"Cricket —"

Bella put her hands up in front of her as she swallowed against the bile creeping up her throat and took a step backward. He hurried to his feet, reaching for her, but she was quick to shake her head, her own tears falling down her face like a waterfall.

"Stay the hell away from me," she whimpered before she turned and hurried back into the house, finding everyone standing around the front door.

The pity and grief in their eyes cut her to the core. They'd known. All day while he held her and kissed her, said he loved her, they had known, and not a one of them had told her, had told him not kiss her, hold her, and love her. Her lips trembled, but she couldn't find the words to express just how hurt she was in that moment.

"Bella," Alice whimpered, reaching for her, but she refused to let her touch her.

"No. Just no," she cried, and she pushed herself through all of them and hurried to the stairs, down the hallway to the last bedroom on the right.

She slammed the door shut behind her, a strangled sob erupting from deep inside her before she hurried over and grabbed her back, throwing it back on top of the bed. She'd just picked up the handful of brochures Heidi had given her when the door opened and she looked over, finding Jasper standing there. His eyes flickered from her to the bag and back, his expression filled with panic, before he stepped into the room and closed the door.

"Let me explain, Cricket," he said, his eyes pleading with her to stop, but how could she? He was married, and she may be a lot of things, but a homewrecker wasn't going to be one of them.

"Don't call me that," she whimpered. "Don't call that, Jay. Please don't call me that!"

"I'm sorry. I'm so, so fucking sorry." He put his hands up in front of him. "Just let me explain."

"Explain?" she asked, "Explain what? That you have a wife? That you've spent all day holding my hand, holding me against you? Kissing me? You said you loved me. That you still loved me, but you failed to mention that you have a Goddamn wife."

"I don't have a wife in the sense that you're making it seem."

"So what? You married someone to help them stay in the country? A green-card marriage?" she asked, raising an eyebrow, yet she knew the answer before his eyes closed and he shook his head, whispering, "No."

"That's what I thought." Bella shoved the brochures into her suitcase. "I shouldn't have come. I knew, I shouldn't have come. God, how could I be so fucking stupid?"

"Of course you should have come." He placed his hand on her shoulder, but she pushed it off and stepped away from her. "I'm sorry, but please, please, please, don't leave me again. Not like this."

"You're married, Jay," she wept. "You're married. That's not something I can just overlook."

"Just let me explain. Please?"

Closing her eyes, she shook her head. "I don't want the details. I don't want to think of you with another woman. And I know I shouldn't, Jay. Okay, I know, because I pushed you away, and I certainly didn't . . . didn't think you weren't going to be with other women, but . . . You said you still loved me, that you never stopped loving me."

"And I didn't. I swear I didn't," he plead, reaching for her, but she put her hands up in front of her. "I swear to God, Cricket, I never stopped loving you!"

"You married someone else!"

"I did, okay? But it . . ." Jasper took a deep breath. "After you kicked me out, I wasn't in a good place. I, um, I'm not proud of myself, but I kind feel down a black hole, and rock bottom slammed into my hard as shit. I wanted everything with you, but you wouldn't let me have it."

"Because I had to take care of my mom!" she cried. "She needed me, Jay. She needed me."

"I needed you, too, and I know how selfish that sounds, but I told you then and I'll tell you again, I will give up everything to be with you. Everything, Cricket."

"Including your wife?"

"She hasn't been my wife in almost two years, at least not in any way that matters."

"What does that mean?"

"I means that she and I separated when I decided I was done denying that I wasn't madly, passionately, deeply in love with you. Just you." Jasper sat on the end of the bed. "She didn't take me leaving well, and she won't sign the divorce papers."

"What's her name?"

Jasper frowned, his shoulders tensing. "Maria."

"Maria," she whispered. "As in Maria Morino? From the program? The same Maria that accused me of cheating on our microbiology final and when Dr. Gerandy had us both retake the test, she was the one who failed, I passed with flying colors? That Maria?"

Jasper barely nodded.

"Of course." Bella leaned against the door to the bathroom, sliding to the floor and pulling her knees to her chest. "Of course you would marry her. She always had a thing for you."

"I . . ." Jasper shook his head, blowing out a thick, ragged breath. "I don't love her, Cricket, I never did. It's only ever been you."

"Yet you married her."

"Only because you wouldn't marry me."

"So it's my fault? It's my fault you married the first bitch who showed you her tits because I wasn't ready to get married? My father had just died and my mom . . . Jay, my mom . . ." Bella cried, wrapping her arms tighter around her knees.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that."

"No, I know what you meant," she whimpered. "And you're right. I pushed you away, but only because I didn't want you to give up your dreams, not because of me."

"But you were my dream," Jasper said, sliding off the bed and crawling over, sitting in front of her. "Don't you understand, Cricket? A life with you is all I've ever wanted."

"What about medical school? You were going to become a fucking surgeon, Jay? You couldn't do that and spend every night trying to keep her from burning the house down."

"I don't care about that anymore. All I want is you. Just you."

"But you married someone else."

Jasper sighed, bending his knees in front of him. "I did. I let myself get wrapped up in my own self-pity, and I was drinking a lot. And I mean a lot, Cricket. And she was there. She was . . . she was just there, and I was lonely."

"Did you love her?"

"No."

Bella scoffed.

"I didn't. She just . . . I almost put all of this on her, but that's not fair. I let myself fall apart, and I rebounded with a selfish, mean, cruel bitch. The handful of months I was with her were lowest of the lows for me. When I finally got my head out of my ass, I left and never looked back. Maria, however, refuses to give up. I've served her with divorce papers half a dozen times, but she refuses to sign them. We're supposed to go to court in a couple weeks, if she shows up this time. She hasn't the last three court appearances."

"You had to have felt something for her."

Jasper shook his head. "I told myself it was love, but it wasn't. I've only ever loved you."

"But you married her."

"I did, and I've regretted every fucking day."

Bella shook her head. "You should have told me, Jay. You should have told me before you kissed me, before you told me you were still in love with me. Do you have any idea how humiliating it was to sit there with everyone knowing, yet nobody said anything? I've never felt like more of an outsider than I do right now."

"I begged them not to tell you," Jasper admitted. "We didn't think you were coming, and when I saw you, I just wanted to hold you again, to feel that amazing, sense of peace that I haven't felt in three years, two months, and sixteen days."

"Except when you fucked your wife," she quipped, causing him to flinch. "Were you going to tell me before we had sex?"

"Of course I was. I just wanted a little more time with you, Cricket," he said, though she couldn't tell if he was telling the truth, or lying straight to her face. "You have to believe me."

"I don't have to believe anything you say," she said, shaking her head. "You're grown ass man, Jay. You don't owe me anything. As you said, I'm the one who kicked you out, right? I hurt you, and now, well, you've hurt me in return. Guess that makes us even." Bella scrambled to her feet and grabbed her suitcase, pulling it away from him as he made a move to take it from her. "Go back to your wife, Jay."

Bella turned and walked out of their bedroom, and it would always be their bedroom. That much she knew without a doubt. As she hurried downstairs, she heard the door to the room open and the sound of him following her. When she hurried off the last step, she found almost everyone still gathering in the living room. While Alice was sobbing into Ben's arms, Emmett and Rosalie were glaring at the floor, while Carlisle, Esme, Angela, Kate, and Garrett were sitting in awkward, uncomfortable silence. Only Edward was missing.

"Where . . . where are you going?" Alice cried, scrambling to her feet at the same time, Jasper grabbed her arm.

Bella tore her arm away from him while stepping toward the door. "I'm going home. I shouldn't have come. I knew better. I knew . . . I knew it was too late. I'm just. . . I'm sorry for ruining your weekend," she cried, and before either of them could stop her, she was out the door, finding Edward seated on the front steps.

He stood up and looked back at her, holding his hand out. "Come on."

"Go inside, Edward. Just forget about me."

"Let's go for a ride. If you still feel like leaving, then take you home. But not until you and I go for a ride."

The door to the house opened she looked back, finding Jasper standing there. "Fine, let's go," she muttered, slipping her hand into Edward's, letting him lead her down the front steps.

"Go back inside, Jasper. I've got her."

Bella looked over her shoulder at Jasper, who was standing with Alice and Ben behind him. The devastation in his eyes almost brought her to her knees, and she wanted nothing more than to throw herself back in his arms, beg him to keep loving her. But she could think about was him in Maria's arms, him kissing her, him having sex with her, and she turned away. Jasper owned her body and soul, but he'd married someone else.

Edward led down to his car, a silver Volvo and when he opened the door for her, she slipped into the car, pulling her knees up to her chest, unable to keep her tears from falling while he placed her suitcase in the backseat of his car. A moment later, Edward was behind the wheel and they were headed away from the lake house. Twenty minutes later, he parked in front of a small, local diner in town and they headed inside, finding a booth in the back. They sat in silence until their waitress came over and took their order, coming back a moment later with cups of coffee for both of them and a slice of apple pie for him.

Edward cut into his pie bringing it to his mouth and chewing and swallowing before he started speaking. "You know we understood that your mom needed you after the accident. What we didn't understand is why you pushed up all away? We called and texted. Shit, I even sent you emails, and you know how I feel about email."

She couldn't even muster a smile as she just stared at him.

"Jesus Christ, say something, Swan!"

"What am I supposed to say?" she whimpered, pulling her hand back when he reached for her. "I missed you, all of you, so much, Edward. So fucking much, but I couldn't . . . I couldn't handle losing everything I had worked, and then sit there and listen and watch while all of you got to live your dreams while I was stuck with no future, with no hope of ever being a doctor. It's been so hard, Edward. So hard."

"Oh, Swan." Edward scooted out of his side and sat next to her, pulling her into his arms as she wept uncontrollably. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

"She's mean and hateful. She's violent and . . . and . . . I miss her so much. I need my mom back. She would know what to do right now. She would tell me what to do."

"She was definitely the best mom ever," he whispered and a moment later, she felt him kiss the top of her head. "We were always welcome at her table, even when your dad grumbled about how much it cost to feed us, she just told him to hush, that her kids were always going to get a hot meal at her house."

Bella laughed through her tears. "It's not fair, Edward. It's just not fair."

"No, it's not. But you're not alone, Swan. We've always been just a phone call away. Especially him."

She sighed and leaned away from Edward. "He married Maria, Edward. Of all the people he married, he had to marry her."

"Trust me, I know," he groused. "I kicked his ass for it, too. Jasper, Swan, he . . . Well, rock bottom isn't really accurate for what the man went through, and that little bitch saw how much pain he was in and swooped in and dragged him even further down that black hole. We all tried to stop him, all told him that he was making a mistake, but he didn't listen. He got kicked out of school, his —"

"He got kicked out?"

Edward flinched, but nodded. "Showed up to lab drunk off his ass, and when they told him to leave, he proceeded to trash the place. If his dad hadn't paid for everything he broke, they would have arrested him. Instead, they kicked out of the program, and he and Maria eloped the next day. We didn't hear from him for almost three months, not even Ben, and then he showed with her on his arm, drunk off his ass again. His dad threatened to cut him off if he didn't get the marriage annulled, but he refused and disappeared for another six months. When he showed up again, he'd lost about fifty pounds, he had some questionable bruises, and he begged us to help him get his shit together."

"She hurt him?"

Edward nodded. "He never gave us details, but there was a darkness in his eyes, Swan, that scared me." He sighed. "Today was the first time I've seen him smile since the weekend of graduation."

"What am I supposed to say, Edward? He didn't tell me. He . . . he's kissed me and held me all day. He told me he's still in love with me, yet he didn't tell me about her."

"And he was an idiot. We told him he needed to tell you, and he said he would, but he wanted to wait until tomorrow. Said he didn't want to make you cry more than you already were."

Bella sighed.

"Look, if you really want to leave, I'll take you home, but, Swan, I think you need to stay."

Bella shook her head, sniffing back her tears. "So what? I stay, and spend the next three days in his arms, just to leave him again?"

"You don't have to leave him again, Swan. You can chose to let him help you with your mom, let him love you. He never stopped, you know?"

"How do I know?" she whimpered. "I've spent the last three years, two months, and sixteen days in Hell."

"He was in Hell, too." Edward leaned over and kissed her forehead. "Come on. Let's go before Alice calls the sheriff and tells him you're walking down the road naked again."

Bella almost laughed, because Alice totally would call the cops on them, but instead, she simply nodded and allowed him to help her out of the booth. Once he'd paid for their coffee and his half-eaten apple pie, he led her out to the car and opened the door for her. She once again climbed into the passenger seat and waited for him to hurry around to the passenger seat.

Edward started the car and turned and looked at her. "So, what's it going to be, Swan? Am I taking you back to the lake house, or are you leaving again?"

Bella bit the inside of her lip before she looked out the front window. Her brain was telling her to bail, to go home, go back to her mom, but her heart, her heart was telling her to stop being a coward, and the moment the words, "Take me to the lake house," left her mouth, she knew she would listen to her heart, even if it broke for good.

Thank you for all the AMAZING reviews. I'm just gonna go cry for our sweet Jay and his Cricket.