9

Bella crept out of bed early the next morning, long before the sun was set to rise, leaving Jasper laying on his stomach, the sheet barely covering his ass. She tiptoed cross the room and slipped on her panties and his T-shirt from the night before, grabbed her cell phone, and quietly, slowly made her way downstairs. She needed to check on her mom, needed to take a minute to breath, needed to get the feel of Jasper balls deep inside of her out of her mind.

Feeling him inside her, the way he knew exactly what she needed, how she needed it, why she needed it, felt so right, so perfect, yet she couldn't help but feel guilty. He was married, and even though he told her over and over again that his marriage to Maria was over, he was still married, and she'd slept with him.

With a sigh, she slipped a blanket off the back of the sofa and headed out to the porch, curling onto the porch swing with the blanket wrapped around her legs. She propped her phone on her knees and scrolled through her contacts until she found Heidi's numbers.

Even though it was still early, Bella knew they would be up. Renee had always been an early riser, and that was something that hadn't changed. It was the only time Bella saw a little glimpse her mother, even if it was brief. Sighing, she pressed the call button and brought the phone up to her ear, hugging her knees against her chest. The phone rang twice before she heard a click followed by the voice of the person she missed more than anything in the world.

"Hello, Poppy."

A sob trickled to the tip of Bella's tongue, but she slammed her hand over her mouth to stop it from trickling out. "Hey, Mom."

"What are you doing up so early? Been up all night studying?"

"I . . ." Bella nodded, causing tears to sprinkle down her face. "Yeah, bio-chem is kicking my butt."

"I'm sure that's not true. You're just too hard on yourself. You have a perfect four point grade point average, yet you're always so sure you're going to fail. I wish you had as much faith in yourself as we have in you."

"Yeah," Bella whimpered, sniffing. "I know, but that's just how I am."

"Are you crying, Poppy? Did you and Jasper get into a fight? Honey, I'm sure whatever it was about, it's not worth crying over."

"No, we . . . we didn't get into a fight. I'm just . . . I miss you, Mom."

"Oh, Poppy, I miss you too. Hang on while I go get Dad. He wanted to talk to you about your birthday."

"No, Mom, I —"

But Renee cut her off by yelling, "Charlie? Charlie, get in here. Bella's on the phone."

There was a paused followed by the sound of footsteps and then she heard mother start talking again, this time her voice, tense and stressed. "Who are you? What are you doing in my house? Charlie? Charlie, where are you? Charlie!"

Bella couldn't keep from sobbing as she heard Heidi telling Demetri to take Renee into the living room, to show her the photo albums of Bella as a little girl. They usually helped her calmed down long enough to break through a manic episode.

There was a sigh, followed by a, "Hey, sorry about that, Bella. She snuck my phone off the kitchen counter while I went up to gather her laundry."

"Heidi, I . . ."

Bella heard a door close and figured Heidi had stepped out onto the front porch. "She was talking about him a lot this morning. About you, too."

"She was back. For a minute, she was back, Heidi."

"She was, but you know it's happening less often, right? The doctors all agree that damage is permanent."

"I know."

Heidi sighed. "What are you doing so up early, anyway? You're supposed to be getting your sex on with that delicious man of yours."

Bella smiled through her tears, thinking about the way Jasper had touched her, filled her, and loved her. He was making it very difficult for her to be strong and let him go after the next three days, but it wasn't fair for her to trap him in her life, was it?

"That silence says it all, Bella," Heidi snickered. "Was it good?"

"I am not having this conversation with you, Heidi," Bella replied. "Is she really okay?"

"She is. I mean, she slept all night, which something she doesn't do much of anymore, is it?"

"No."

"Have you looked at the brochures?"

Bella sighed.

"I'm not trying to pressure you."

"I haven't really had the chance, but I will." Bella dragged her fingers through her hair. "Heidi, if she were your mom, what would you do?"

Heidi didn't speak for a moment before she said, "When it was my mom, Bella, I made the hardest decision I had ever made in my entire life and placed her in Bayview. Which is why I know how amazing of a facility it is."

"How long ago did you put her in there?"

"It's was just before you hired me to help with Renee. She had Alzheimer's, Bella, and it advanced quickly. I couldn't give her the care she needed, and, well, the people at Bayview were amazing. Treated her with dignity and love, like she was their mother." She sniffed. "I'm sorry to get so emotional. I . . . She passed away last year."

"You never told me that."

"I couldn't. You needed me to help your mother, Bella, and I needed a mom to take care of."

"Heidi."

"Don't go feeling sorry for me, Bella. I said goodbye to my mother long before I put her in Bayview. You know, she just changed and the woman she was in the end is not who raised me, and I don't let myself think of those final few years. I chose to remember how beautiful and kind and loving she was, and that's what you need to do. The woman inside with Demetri, Bella, that's not your mom. You may get glimpses of her every now and then, but she's gone, and I refuse to believe that the Renee you've cried on my shoulder about, would want you to give up everything for her."

"No, she wouldn't," Bella admitted. "But she never gave up on me, so how do I give up on her?"

"It's not giving up, it's letting her live where people are trained to handle and love her the way she needs to be loved. They . . . It takes a special kind of person to take on people in their darkest moments, Bella, and they love each and every one of their residents as if they are their own family member."

Bella bit her lip as she nodded. "Maybe . . . Maybe you could set me up a meeting with Bayview for when I get back."

"I can do that. I'll reach out to this afternoon, and see what they have available."

"Heidi, I . . ." Bella shook her head, but before she could finish her thought, the front door opened and Jasper came running out in just his boxer briefs. He stopped and looked over at her, his eyes closing and a gush of air pushed from between his lips. "I gotta go. I'll check in on her later."

"Or don't, and I'll text you an update. Go and have fun, Bella."

"I'll try. Goodbye, Heidi."

"Bye."

Bella ended the call before she stood up and walked over to Jasper, wrapping the blanket around him. "You thought I bailed, didn't you?"

He nodded, his eyes filling with tears. "I woke up and you weren't there, and I . . ."

"I'm sorry, Jay. Renee gets up early, and I needed to check on her. I should have woke you up, let you know, but you were sleeping pretty hard."

"You wore me out," he murmured, sliding his arms around her waist, under her shirt.

He pressed his face against the side of her neck, his lips sucking and nipping on her exposed skin. She moaned, her fingers tangling in his shaggy, brown hair, pulling his head backward so she could look him in the eyes. There was a darkness, a fear that she knew had everything to do with her. Her heart had broken when he left; his on the other hand, had been shattered, and that was all her fault.

"I'm sorry, Jay. I didn't think you would wake up this earlier."

"I don't really sleep much these days."

There was something in his tone that had her shivering. "Me either." Bella slid her hands around to his cheeks, pushing his hair out of his face. "Why don't we go get dressed and head into town? Get some breakfast. Just us."

Jasper smiled her handsome, sexy, smirk-like smile as he asked, "Just us? Nobody else?"

"Just me and you, Jay. How about it?"

"Deal, Cricket." He leaned in and brushed his lips against hers. "Is she okay?"

Bella shook her head. "No, but yes, but really no. I don't . . . I don't know. I don't want to talk about her right now."

"Then we won't."

—WL—

Half an hour later, Bella and Jasper were seated in the same booth, in the same small diner Edward had brought her to the night before. They were seated on the same side, something they had always made fun of other couples for doing, but in that moment, Bella needed to be as close to him as she could.

Their waitress had taken their coffee order, but they hadn't decided what they were going to eat. Mostly, because Jasper kept distracting her with the way he stroked the outside of her arm, how he kept leaning in and kissing the side of her neck. It was taking everything she had not to drag him into the bathroom and let him take her against the wall. It hadn't been the first time they had had sex in that bathroom.

"Sorry about that delay," their waitress said, woman not much older than they were with bushy brown hair. She was wearing the standard blue uniform and had a plastic nametag pinned to the front with Jess written on it with a heart sticker. "Little shorthanded this morning, thanks to my morning girl calling out at the last minute. Are you ready to order?"

"Oh, um." Jasper pressed his lips together as he picked up the menu and gave it a glance, which was stupid because Bella knew exactly what he was going to order, so when he finally said, "I'll take the western omelet with extra jalapeños and add mushrooms, with a side of hash browns, bacon, sausage, and an English muffin," she couldn't keep from laughing. "What's so funny?"

"Nothing," she snickered before shifting her attention to Jess. "I'll take the biscuits and gravy with a side of cottage cheese and strawberries. And I'll take a small glass of orange juice when our meal comes, please."

"Easy enough. Let me know if you need anything," she said with a smile before she headed back behind the counter, yelling, "Orders in for table five. Shake a leg, Mike. We ain't got all damn day."

Bella laughed against before she shifted in the booth so she was facing Jasper. "Can I ask you something?"

"Of course."

"Why won't she sign the papers? What's her reasoning?"

Jasper shook his head before he picked up his coffee and took a sip. "She claims she loves me. When I first left, she followed me, tried to get me to come back, promised things would be different, but I said no. I was done settling for someone who wasn't you."

Bella frowned.

"I'm not trying to make you feel guilty, Cricket, I'm not, but I can't . . . I can't love anyone else. I just can't. You've been the love of my life since our first day in Dr. Banner's class when you tripped on the corner of that desk and landed in my lap. The minute I held you in my arms, I knew you were meant for me. And I want forever with you. I've always thought we'd have forever, and then you told me to leave, said you didn't want to hold me back, that I should just move on, but I can't. I tried, and look at the mess I made."

"I just . . ." Bella sighed and shook her head, her eyes filling with tears. "I didn't want you to go, I didn't, but it was hard enough knowing that I was going to have to give up everything I wanted without asking you to give up your dreams, too."

"But you were my dream. A life with you, Cricket, that's my dream. I can't . . . I can't breathe without you, I can't . . . I can't function without you."

"Jay." She whimpered, leaning her forehead against his shoulder.

"I can't," he said, shifting and placing his hand on the side of her face and tilting her head backward. "I know I said I would take just the three days, Cricket, but I'm not letting you go again. I love you too damn much."

"You don't know what kind of life you're signing up for, Jay. She's not the same Renee you loved, the one who embarrassed us at Christmas freshman year by buying me lingerie and you a book she found in the sex shop on how to please me."

Jasper laughed. "Charlie's face turned purple, and she just laughed and told him to get over it, that she wished her mom had given him a guide when they started dating. When he picked his jaw off the ground, he asked to look at it, and when he did, he got even redder and started telling us all the things they were already doing."

Bella snorted as she giggled. "They loved to embarrass me around you."

"They loved you, Cricket."

She nodded as she looked away, trying to be discrete as she wiped the tear off her cheek, though when he slipped his arm around her, nestling her against him, she knew she failed.

"She answered the phone this morning, when I called Heidi. Mom answered the phone, called me Poppy. She hasn't called me that since the night of the accident, yet there she was calling me Poppy and asking me about school and . . . and you."

Jasper pressed his lips against the top of her head, his arm tightening around her.

"And then she called out for Dad," Bella cried. "I wanted to hear him in the background so bad. Don't yell, Renee, he would say. I'm right here. But he's not there, Jay, and she doesn't call me Poppy and I miss them so much."

"I miss them, too," he whispered, but before either of them could say another word, Jess arrived with a tray full of their food and her orange juice.

Bella leaned away and once again tried to be discrete as she used the top of her T-shirt to wipe away her tears.

"You okay, hon?" Jess asked, and when Bella looked back at her, she looked from her to Jasper and back with a raised eyebrow.

"Yeah, I'm fine," she replied, trying to put her smile on as she looked down at her breakfast. "This looks delicious."

"I'll be back in a few to check on you, and refill your coffees." Jess threw Jasper a glare before she hurried off.

"Did you see the stink eye she gave me?" Jasper scoffed, turning his plate around to that his omelet was on the left side and the rest of his food was on the right.

"She thinks you made me cry." Bella leaned over and kissed his cheek. "Thank you."

"Why are you thanking me?"

"Because you let me cry," she said, shrugging her shoulders. "I don't . . . I don't really have any friends in Bainbridge Island, other than Heidi, and she doesn't really count, seeing as I pay her a lot of money to take care of my mom."

"My shoulder is yours, Cricket. Forever."

"Forever, huh?" she asked, picking up her fork and spreading her gravy more evenly over her biscuits. "I wish forever was as easy as you want it to be, Jay. I honestly do."

"It can be," he said, giving her his smile. "All you have to do is say yes."

Though she wanted to say yes more than she had ever wanted anything, more than she had wanted to be a doctor, or hear her father's voice just one more time, feel his arms around her, Bella knew saying yes was just trapping him in a life he didn't deserve. But then again, Bella didn't deserve it, either, did she?

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