Monday - How to Become a Dark Lord - Keep a Journal
Hello. You're probably wondering what this book is about. Well…it's a long story.
My name is Tom. Tom Marvolo Riddle.
I'm 11 years old and grew up in an orphanage.
I don't like it here. No one does.
But I've the opportunity to go somewhere else.
I've always been different. And everyone around me has always been such morons and idiots. So maybe that's the difference.
But anyhoo. I have magic. No, not what magicians do. (They are just unemployed and looking for ways to make money of tricking little kids. I can't believe what they would fall for but then again, I saw a little kid be impressed a busking magician threw a spoon at the ground and then 'levitated' it back up on Sunday when we went to town for church the other day. The kid was also holding a toy yo-yo in their hand so you would've thought they'd know how the magical intricacies of a piece of string could work but what do you know? Kids huh.)
But I must have some sort of ancient ability. Passed down through genes. A sleeping giant about to be awakened. An innate sense for something. Because I can make things happen if I want. Like locked doors unlock. Objects levitate towards me. (Not through a gaudy show though. I do it so fast no one even notices it's gone before it's in my pocket). And at times, revenge on other people who have wronged me.
It's not always perfect though. There was a day I wanted to turn Eric Whalley's nose red because he was being a clown. I focused and a clown nose appeared but then Eric Whalley said he always loved seeing clowns and wanted to have one of those noses! He took it of and showed it of to everyone and said he 'found it' in the gutter outside, and that had everyone looking in the gutter for more clown objects like they were finding gold.
And I just…
I'm working on it though. I gotta learn how to control this magic.
Ah yes. I got an acceptance letter to Hogwarts: School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.
I'm not an idiot. (Although I know many). Schools are where the rich people go. And they look down on everybody else who's not like them. And there's jocks. And nerds. And preps. And girls. But the girls don't want anything to do with you and the jocks just date the girls to show of in your face they don't want anything to do with you.
School's not great if you're not one of those people.
Take it from me. I'm a bit of a delinquent at my elementary school. But the good thing is there's a handful of people worse than me, so I'm usually not stopped. Unless I do something really bad.
But I need to control my magic. Because it's the only thing that's let me keep my sanity from all these years in an orphanage.
Although I don't feel like the sort of person that would do well at Hogwarts.
I guess I'm more of a…whimpy kid in some way. Not the cool kind of kid.
But oh well. Anything's better than the orphanage. I hope they have nice food there. Dumbledore sure looks well fed. He's breaks the record for the tallest person I've ever met in my life.
Hm. Hogwarts I go.
On the day he gave me the letter. I saw this book from his side pocket in his robes. He looks like one of those teachers who always carries around small things he took from students or will give to other students.
So I just took it.
He never knew.
And now…I have a whole new book to myself.
Better get writing in it then. Putting it to use.
One last thing. I expect to be a Dark Lord when I'm older. It's what I've always said to myself when I hated this place. I always had the idea I was special and of there being a 'better magician' than the street ones I saw. A Dark Lord. Was what I called it.
I think, to keep a Dark Lord. I will write down all my exploits, secrets, and shortcuts to the world. Here. It'll reaffirm my beliefs. And so, this is the Diary of a (now) Wimpy Dark Lord.
But that will change in the future. I heard puberty's a bitch. I secretly hope to be one of those kids that gets a bit of a glow up.
Mrs Cole is calling me. I've to do chores cause I'm one of the oldest.
See you again diary. I will put some magic on you so no one can find you.
Sunday: Back from Shopping
Hello. I've just come back from buying my school supplies. There's a lot to say. So firstly, I had the opportunity to be away from the orphanage for a day because I needed to get my school supplies. The letter didn't say when so I could choose.
Normally I would save this opportunity for when there was something truly worth missing (like the yearly inspection of the orphanage by authorities, where we pretend to eat food we don't normally eat and that we enjoy it all the time as well), but as it was, none of the things I truly hated came near so I had to spend it on a Church Sunday.
Not ideal, but could've been worse.
I don't get the point of church. If god was good then why do so many people have to have their parents die and live in orphanages for their lives? It's a bit hard to believe god is good when you come from an orphanage. And I didn't have the best time at church either.
Me: (sitting innocently at church one day)
Amy Benson: (starts crying)
Mrs Cole: (whispers out of the side of her mouth) What's the matter?
Amy Benson: I can't see the pastor!
She was sitting behind me. But it wasn't my fault! I didn't even know who was going to sit behind me when I sat there!
Me: (whispers out of the side of my mouth) You don't need to see the pastor to listen.
Amy Benson: (sniffling) I want to see the pastor!
Me: (whispers out of the side of my mouth) The pastor looks the same as when you came in.
Amy Benson: (eyes start watering up)
Mrs Cole: Tom, switch seats with her.
Me: But-
Mrs Cole: Now!
Ever since then, I've always been pushed to sit near the back because I'm 'one of the older kids' and I wouldn't want my 'advanced height to cloud the other kid's view'.
Unfortunately for me, that means I have to see everyone in front of me.
Billy Stubbs picks his nose. He always leans slightly to the side when he sits on these long benches of the church so I get a good view of it.
Gretchen Wood also scratches her bum sometimes. And they say girls are supposed to be dainty. I can always tell because she has to lean to one side to do it.
Me: (to Mrs Cole) Billy is picking his nose.
Mrs Cole: Ssh! We are trying to pray! Keep the bad spirits away from our lives!
Me: I'm already seeing my demons.
Mrs Cole: You are allowed to have your own beliefs, but at least try to be polite whilst you are at the orphanage!
Me: Billy is picking his nose again.
Mrs Cole: Tissue dear? (gives Billy a tissue AND a cough lolly.)
You see why I hate church? My worst fear is that someone would start farting and I'll have to tolerate it all; sitting behind everyone. So I try to sit next to the skinny girls as much as I can. I heard some of them are fitness nuts who eat clean and all of that so they're unlikely to fart. Or at least I hope so.
Sometimes Mrs Cole is more angry about it than other days.
Me: (goes to sit next to Elspeth Blooms, one of the sportiest girls at school)
Mrs Cole: Tom, come back you rascal! I want you babysitting Maeve!
Me: I'm just trying to deal with having to sit near the back as best as possible ma'am!
Other people: (glares)
An old women: Oh to be young again!
Mrs Cole: Ah! Come here! (physically grabs me and manhandles me into the spot next to Maeve)
Maeve: What does rascal mean?
Me: What I am not. I am just-
Mrs Cole: Be quiet Tom!
Maeve thinks I'm a rascal from that day on. She still doesn't quite know what it means but she just calls me Tom the rascal sometimes and all the other kids (this orphanage has lot of little ones younger than me who are always doted on) believe her and go along with it. I don't get why Mrs Cole thinks I'm a good role model when they all think I'm a rascal.
I tried to tell her that because the kids all call me a rascal, that means I'm free from babysitting them from now on. But she didn't want to hear it.
Anyways, so I settled for Sunday but you know. Mrs Cole. She would simply accuse me of trying to miss church if I made it too obvious so you know what I did?
There's a few sheets of parchment in the envelope my Hogwarts letter came in. The last sentence is:
We wish you best wishes and a happy commencement to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.
Except the last sentence is cut of so 'commencement to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry' is on it's separate page. So I have a whole new page for myself.
In school. There's some pretty fountain pens in the library. I levitated one out with my magic and then adjusted the last page a little bit so that it read.
Commencement to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry starts with a 30% discount on all essentials on August the 15th! Be sure to hurry now whilst stocks last!
Then I showed Mrs Cole that. I'm good at bluffing.
Mrs Cole: Why did they originally write commencement with a lowercase c and then draw over it with upper case?
Me: Because they suck.
Mrs Cole: Now now Tom, everyone makes mistakes. Very well, you may go. And may the lord bless you because on that day you happen to be missing church!
So I went. There's a brick wall that opens up and lets you into Diagon Alley. I like the wizarding world already. It's the sort of magic I'd do.
I got a wand and picked the longest and scariest looking one as possible.
I don't want to lift a finger more than I have to. Or work harder than I have to. I want to become a Dark Lord in the most efficient way. So the better instruments and tools I have. The less work I'll have to do.
I picked out the most expensive items as possible. It's not on my budget! I also bought an expensive ice-cream. Treat myself! It should be part of the school budget. I mean, there's a giant ice-cream store there!
I looked through my books. Although I bet I would've learnt more if I actually grew up in a wizarding family, some of this looks easy. I hate studying for anything that's easy. I will try to coast by with as least effort as possible. It's only the subjects I care about I shall try to get good marks.
I do like knowledge a little bit. Knowledge is power.
But I'm not a nerd. I will get girls. Eventually. I hate being laughed at.
Oh well. A few more sleeps and then Hogwarts. You are coming with me. I like writing in you. Keep my sanity and all that.