Nao has been having trouble with reality lately, but kissing him makes it feel like she almost has control over her life.

Anathème

trois.

| quiet when i'm coming home and i'm on my own |

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The coffee is rich, hot steam spilling from burning liquid, just the way she likes it – perfect (and it almost feels like a dream, the way it rushes in her mouth without burning her, perfect, but with no real tangible taste).

Her reflection peers back at her from the kitchen window, coated with early morning sunrise. She's exactly the same, her hair is a bit longer and maybe she's a bit older, but it's definitely her. Her bathrobe is wrapped tightly around her, white and fuzzy, all the way to her neck. When she holds up the cup with both hands to take another sip, there are two rings on her left hand, one with a small diamond, the other a gold band.

(and it almost feels like a dream, the calm and serenity, the peaceful quiet)

"Good morning." She hears the footsteps before the words, but only seconds apart. She turns her gaze away from the kitchen window, but doesn't face him just yet.

"Coffee?" She asks, even if she already knows the answer and is already moving towards the cabinet near the sink to retrieve another cup.

"Yes, please." He says with an edge of eagerness in his voice, the kind that only appears when one is promised the first cup of coffee in the morning. She smiles to herself as she reaches for the pot, still burning hot and fragrant, even if there is no real smell that reaches her nose.

When she turns around with his cup, he's fixing the cuffs on his white buttoned shirt and his tie hangs loosely around his neck, strands of auburn hair spilling in front of his eyes as he looks down.

"Your mother called." She tells him, pushing the cup on the small kitchen isle in the center of the room (the kitchen is very much like the one in the house she grew up in, the same design, the same feel, it's not farfetched to assume her father designed this one also).

"Oh?" He grabs the cup. "Thank you."

"Yes." She makes her way towards the counter again, retrieves her own mug. "She wanted to know if we were busy next Saturday for your sister's birthday. I told her we'd be there."

"Of course." He nods his head, inhales coffee and then exhales a satisfied sigh. "Did she mention who else was going to be there?" There's a slight narrowing of his brows and she almost rolls her eyes, hides her laughter with a sip of coffee.

"No, she didn't mention if Matsuda was going to be there." But it wouldn't surprise her, not really.

"I still don't see why she's dating him of all people." He'd never mention it to his sister, it's not his style, but he doesn't mind sharing his thoughts with her. "She can do better."

"Light." She finds it endearing, the big brother act – not that it's really an act. "We can't all marry our childhood friends." Because they are married, the wedding band on his finger matches her perfectly.

"Of course not." He obviously knows that and, in some way, he knows Matsuda is kind to Sayu and that he's too stupid to try and hurt her. "I know not everyone is as lucky as us. I just always pictured Sayu with someone else, someone her age and not one of my coworkers."

She rolls her eyes and decides to change the subject entirely.

"I'll go shop for a gift after work." Her eyes check the time on the oven and she takes the last sip of her coffee before placing the cup in the sink. "I should get dressed."

"You really don't have to." He says, smooth as butter, sending her an innocent look.

"Oh, really?" She raises an eyebrow playfully. "And why is that, exactly?"

He reaches her in two, three steps and pushes his arms around her waist, like they belong there, pulls her closer.

"I like you like this." And then Light, Light, Light, because of course it's Light, bends down to kiss her and –

Nao's eyes open wide, heart pounding in her chest, drums in her temples. She blinks at the ceiling, her ceiling, the one in her room, in her parents' house and takes a deep breath, eyes adjusting to the darkness of the room and –

There's the glare of a computer screen, the soft tapping of fingers on a keyboard, the soft inhale and exhale of breathing. She concentrates on the breathing, faint and familiar, for a second, before she shuffles on her side and looks at him.

"You're awake." He says, eyes still on the screen of the laptop. He's been working nonstop these days, trying to find something, anything. "Did you have a nightmare?"

"No." Her voice is hoarse from sleep. "Not a nightmare." She keeps looking at him. She's still a tad delirious, wondering if this is also a dream, but this doesn't feel like a dream and she's more alert, sound reaches her ears and the smell of the detergent her mother uses is in her nose and when she blinks, she sees and feels the moisture behind her lids.

When he finally looks at her, eyes dark and curious, she reaches for him, hand tightening around his arm. It's impractical and it keeps him from typing, but he doesn't push her away. He never does.

"Do you need something, Nao?" He asks, his voice very much real. It resonates in the darkness of the room and she tightens her hold on him almost unconsciously.

"Lie down with me." He blinks at her, curious and probably not fully understanding her demand, but nods anyways. It takes a few seconds for him to place the laptop on the bedside table and shuffle underneath the blankets, but then he's on his side, facing her and she breathes.

"Would you like to tell me about your dream?" He says, after a minute of silence. "I read that it can help put them into perspective."

She considers for a second.

"No." She blinks. "No, I don't want to talk about it." And then she raises her head, brushes her nose with his and kisses him and it feels tangible and real and Nao has been having trouble with reality lately, but kissing him makes it feel like she almost has control over her life.

If he wants to ask more questions, he doesn't. Instead, he kisses back, slow, and deliberately let's her lead the kiss and when she tugs at his shirt, he allows it, never protesting and Nao –

When she rolls on top, Nao almost feels like she has control over her life.

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"I keep having these dreams." The bench is a bit wet from early morning rain, but that hardly matters. She inhales tobacco and exhales smoke, the cigarette burning red in her left hand.

They found another body, a child, at least, it looked like a child,used to be a child, burnt almost to a crisp. They don't even know if it's related to the case, not because this is a different M.O., but because they can't identify a burnt corpse (the image is burned in her mind, a sick pun, but true anyways).

"Dreams?" Next to her, Light seems composed, looks unaffected. However, he's been quiet ever since they've left the crime scene, was quiet until she stopped the car near a park and decided to sit on this bench.

"I keep dreaming about a life, another life." She doesn't look at him, keeps looking straight ahead, smoke coming from the cancer stick between her fingers. "We're married, we have a house, dinner at your parents' for your sister's birthday."

And then she has sex with L when she wakes up, but she keeps that part to herself.

"Are you asking me to analyze your dream?" She shrugs her shoulders, takes another puff. She just said the first thing that came to mind, anything to stop her from thinking about the corpse.

"Maybe." She can't really mention that to anyone else, not anyone she knows anyways. And Light has always been smart, too smart, especially when it comes to other people and their emotions – it's how he manipulates them so well.

He hums under his breath.

"Well, the first option is that you've been secretly in love with me for years now." He tells her almost playfully, almost because it's hard to be playful when your morning was spent looking a the cripsy body of a kid.

"Ha ha." She rolls her eyes. "What's the other option?"

"A clutch for balance." She blinks, finally turns to meet his eyes. He's looking at her, really looking at her, as if he can see inside her soul and understand her darkest thoughts.

She motions for him to continue.

"You were never supposed to be a part of this world, Nao. You know it, I know it, even he knows it. You're talented, don't get me wrong, but you never wanted to be in law enforcement. You wanted to be a chemist, to have a quiet life here, in Japan."

She inhales sharply, her lungs screaming out at the sudden amount of smoke in them.

"Your dreams are a clutch for balance, a way to regain some sort of control of your life. In them, we are married because if we were, you'd still be here, doing what you truly want."

She opens her mouth, closes it, opens it again. She blinks two, three times. Her spine tenses up and then she slouches against the bench, moves her eyes to face the front instead of him. Her cigarette burns out.

She doesn't know how long they stay quiet like this. She doesn't count the seconds or the minutes. All she knows is that Light is smart, too smart for his own good and that maybe he can really see into her soul, know her deepest, darkest thoughts.

What he says doesn't even surprise her. She knew, she's always known that this life isn't the one she wanted for herself. She has a chemistry degree that gathers dust in her parents' living room that she'll probably never use, too many stamps on her passport of places she never wanted to visit, knows too many genius orphans that stick to her like glue.

No, she never wanted any of this but –

"Light." She says, finally.

"Yes?"

"I'm in love with him."

He sighs.

"I know." And then he places a hand on her knee, meant to be comforting, and it is in some way, but she's a bit lost and a bit confused and while she already knew, it feels worst to say it aloud, to admit to someone else.

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Getting three geniuses out of the airport and into a car is unsurprisingly annoying. Mello complains about window seats, his stash of chocolate dangerously low. Matt is monosyllabic as always, lighting a cigarette as soon as they steps outside, even if there are clear lines painted that prevent anyone from smoking this close to the doors. Near carries a bag close to him, his face blank and his hair spilling everywhere.

When they finally reach the car and she unlocks, Mello pauses from his complaining.

"Why do you have a SUV?" It's a nice car, black and sleek. Nao chose it herself, has never been one for Rolls Royce and feels much more comfortable behind the wheel of a 'normal' car like this.

"Because I wanted one." She says, opening the trunk. It has comfy seats, even a few tv screens and plenty of rooms. She could sleep in the freaking car and not have an ache in her body when she woke up.

Mello rolls his eyes while Matt's attention is suddenly not on his game anymore.

"Can I drive?" The redhead asks, probably wondering how fast it could go. Nao's seen the way Matt drives and she knows it's not a good idea to let him near anything that has a motor.

"No." She doesn't wait for his reaction. "Near, be a dear and get inside the car with Matt while Mello helps me with the bags."

The white haired youth blinks at her, face not so blank anymore and he sends a puzzled look, before ultimately deciding to do what she asks, stepping towards Matt until the redhead is almost backed into the door of the car.

"Why do I have to help you?" He wants to be difficult, but he's already throwing his suitcase in the trunk. "And what happened to the old car? And why do you have so many dark circles, haven't you heard of sleep or concealer?"

"I'm happy to see you too." She says instead, shoving suitcases and bags inside the trunk. And she is, happy to see them, it was her idea, after all, that all of three of them come to help with the case.

Watari had asked her, before he retired, to convince L to let them be a part of his cases. None of them we're getting any younger. They needed the experience, he'd told her, and she was the only one who could get L to do anything apparently. He'd listen to her.

Mello grumbles under his breath, something that sounds suspiciously like he missed her, but Nao knows he won't ever admit to her or even to himself.

And when the trunk is filled and closed and Nao moves to get inside the car, he stops her with a hand on her arm.

"W was taken." Mello tells her, but she already knew that. "Someone came inside the orphanage and took him. That means that someone knew where to look, knew about us." She knew that too.

"If you have any ideas, I'm sure L will want to know." She tells the blonde.

"Whatever I've come up with, he's already thought about it." She blinks at him.

"Maybe not. You were all there when it happened, not him. L's not infallible, Mello. You can help him, give him a new perspective." The great detective might like to give the impression that he works alone, especially to his successors, but that's not true. She smiles then. "But first, how about we stop at a store and get you chocolate? And prevent Matt from burning holes into my car with his cigarettes?"

Whatever moment of insecurity he had, it's gone in a blink of eyes. He releases her, clears his throat and stomps towards the car, opening to passenger seat and telling Matt to beat it because that's his place.

Nao pinches the bridge of her nose and sighs.

a/n : So, this is probably not the update anyone expected, but I've finally decided where this story is going. It's going to be short, very short, six or seven chapters. I've always loved Nao and L together and I'm happy to write more chapters about them. Thank you to everyone who told me how much they wanted more of this story, you inspired me. Let me know what you thought, I hope you enjoyed and thank you for reading. see you next time.