Chapter 4

What It Means To Be A Greene

By Dajsha Wessel

"You can be a king or a street sweeper,

but everyone dances with the Grim Reaper."

Friday - September of 1985 (Junior Year)

For the past couple of days, she avoided anything that would remind her of him, or her. She regretted lashing out at him like that. It's not his fault she couldn't decide what she wanted. Even if she did want him, it's not like she could act on it. I mean what would Daddy think? God, he would kill her. All he ever talks about is Chip this, and Chip that. If he only knew how much of an ass he was. And that kiss. Ever since she shared that amazing kiss with Ross, she subconsciously became more and more distant from Chip. It's not like she was doing it on purpose, it's just…everything with him felt different now. Apparently, her father had noticed.

"But Daddy…" She whined. "I don't want to, I have plans to hang out with Monica!"

"Well, reschedule. It's not going to hurt you to just give him a little attention. We need his father's endorsement to ensure the future of the hospital."

"What the hell does that have to do with me? I am not some object you can just pawn off when it's convenient for you…" She yelled, turning her back to him.

"Watch your language, young lady! You are only seventeen and as long as you live under my roof, you will be going by my rules."

"Fine! Then I'll just move out!" Stomping towards her room, she grabbed her suitcases, stuffing them with any peace of clothing she could find. Not stopping to glance at her nosey sisters, or acknowledge the help of the butler, she fiercely made her way towards the front door. Before she could turn the doorknob, she heard her father shout from above the staircase.

"If you do that, I'll take your credit cards, and that new car of yours will stay here…they are in my name after all."

Exhausted, she turned to face him. She wanted to show him that she didn't care, that she could survive the harsh world without him, but the minute her eyes met his, her stubbornness dissolved into the ground. Almost immediately she buried her head into her hands, sobbing uncontrollably. "Why are you doing this Daddy? Can't you see how miserable he makes me? I don't even like him!"

Walking towards his daughter, with a helpless look on his face, he engulfed her in a strong embrace. "You don't mean that sweety, you just have to learn to like him. I am trying to secure a stable future for you. When I am gone, I want to know you are taken care of."

Tightening her grip around him, she sobbed louder. "God Daddy, don't talk like that. I can't even imagine my life without you." Feeling defeated, she let out a heavy sigh... "If it will make you happy, then I will try harder."

"You will?" He said, kissing the top of her head with appreciation.

Taking a moment to wipe her tears she looked at him with a forced smile. "I will."

A few hours later she was preparing for her metaphorical execution. Usually, she loved the habitual task of getting ready for a date, not tonight. She couldn't stand the idea of being around Chip anymore. It's not like she hadn't been aware of her daddy essentially trading her to Chip's father for god knows what. She just didn't care what that was anymore. Right now all she wanted was to be free. Ugh, what she wouldn't give to not be a 'Greene' for just one minute.

Don't get me wrong, the cars, expensive shopping sprees, and never having to lift a finger were great at first but now…. it made her feel cheap and worthless. Like she was a porcelain doll meant to be put on display, never to be toyed with. To be boxed in bubble wrap and shoved to the back of the closet, only to be brought out to flaunt its decadent work.

Suddenly, the doorbell rang, interrupting her depressing thoughts.

"Rachel, it's Chip!" Yelled Jill from the downstairs foyer.

"Give me a minute. I am almost done." She shouted back.

Since September weather in Long Island could range from breezy to damn near freezing. She decided to sport a mustard yellow cashmere crew-neck sweater that she bought on her last shopping spree with Mon, a semi-hugging, off-white skirt that stopped just above her lower thigh, sheer black pantyhose, and hazel brown pumps. Her hair was loose and wavy, the way she knew Chip liked it.

Doing some last-minute touch-ups to her makeup, and applying more perfume she took a final glance in the mirror. Taking a deep breath she headed for the gallows.

Awaiting her was Chip in light blue jeans, white sneakers, a black tee, and his red letterman jacket. God, he wears that thing everywhere.

Before she reached the foot of the stairs he was already catcalling her.

"Damn babe, you look sexy as hell." He said, eyeing her hungrily.

Forcing herself not to throw up, she shot him a seductive wink. "Thanks, babe, you don't look so bad yourself."

Upon reaching the final step, he grabbed her by the waist, pulled her into him, and forced his tongue into her mouth. Her initial reaction was to just stand there and let him do what he wanted. Before long she remembered she had to play the role of the "oh so in love" girlfriend. Replying to his touch she battled his tongue with her own.

Not wanting to take this any further, she broke the kiss. Keeping Chip at bay was already difficult, getting him riled up certainly wouldn't make it any easier.

"Let's go, don't we have a movie to catch?"

"Yeah, let's go. Wouldn't want to miss the previews." He replied, giving her a suggestive look.

Throughout the car ride, he couldn't keep his hands to himself, as usual. However, this time he was getting more and more brazen. The closer they got to the theatre, the closer his hands got to her underwear. God, she hoped she could come up with a way to deter him tonight. By no means was she in a mood to put out.

The 'date' had gone surprisingly well. That was until she noticed them. Just two rows in front of her, she could see Ross and Heather, unmistakably making out. She tried so hard to focus on the movie but every time she looked at the screen, she would imagine him kissing Heather. Rerunning in her mind the way he played with her hair when they kissed. The way he would slowly run his hands down her shoulder, trailing down to her sides, sensually caressing her skin in the process.

She couldn't take her eyes off of them, studying them like they were a newfound discovery. Like a rare phenomenon she had never seen before. I wonder what that's like? She had never been the receiver of such an amorous exchange. Chip wasn't exactly the 'romantic type'. He was animalistic and bare, intimacy might as well be a foreign language to him.

Caught up in her examination of the two love birds, she hadn't felt Chip sucking on her neck. Closing her eyes, she pretended to revel in the feeling of his hot breath on her skin. It wasn't sensuous by any means. Instead of a fiery and passionate type of heat, it was scalding, leaving a trail of blistered skin.

"Do you want to get out of here?" Chip whispered into her ear. "We can continue this in my car if you want. Or back at your house?"

She didn't know what to say. Part of her wanted to give in already, get it all over with. But did she really want Chip to be her first? It's not like she loved him, but does that really matter? With the way her father is forcing him onto her, did she really have a choice? It was more of a business transaction than a relationship after all, would it even count?

Opening her eyes, she spotted Ross and Heather, reminding her of everything she would never have. Reminding her she would be forever a prisoner of this societal jail called the upper class.

"Sure…"

He practically dragged her up to her bedroom. He was probably expecting her to turn him down again. But she couldn't put him off forever, this day would come eventually. They had been together for six months already, most couples would already be saying 'I love you' and sleeping together on a regular basis. A piece of her wishes they had done this sooner before the seed labeled 'Ross' had planted itself in her heart. God, why was he constantly on her mind? I wonder if he thinks about me. I doubt it.

Ever since that kiss they shared, he'd never given her a second glance. She missed the feelings he would awaken in her. The way she would get a tingling sensation up her spine when she noticed his eyes lingering on her body. The way his lips tasted, god, how she missed the taste of them. If she knew that would be their first and last kiss, she would've savored every moment of it.

She mentally chastised herself for thinking such thoughts. Here, with her boyfriend's lips on her body, she was thinking about another man. She swore he could hear her heart beating outside her chest like she was a character from a Looney Tunes cartoon. It's not like they haven't done this before. Hell, they've even been to third base a few times but it never premissed what was to come.

Unlike Monica, she didn't take 'her first time' too seriously, I mean she wasn't going to give it away to just anybody but Monica was WAY too serious. The girl used to call it her 'flower' for god's sake. She never understood why her best friend idolized it so much, to Rachel, it was just sex. A simple mundane act that couples were supposed to engage in.

"Do you have a umm…..a condom?" She managed to croak out in between moans.

Don't be mistaken, she enjoys being touched and worshiped, and making out with Chip used to be quite enjoyable. That was before she began to compare him to Ross. God, sometimes she wished she never kissed him, he ruined everything for her.

"Yeah, in my pocket."

She doesn't even remember it happening. One minute her eyes were closed, trying desperately not to picture him, and the next she felt a chill running throughout her body. And not a good type of chill either. Somehow, throughout the motions of their lips crashing together, Chip had managed to rid her of her clothes.

"God, you are so sexy!"

She couldn't help but blush. How he could manage to piss her off and make her feel admired at the same time would always remain a wonder to her. As much shit as everyone gives her about him, sometimes he really could be sweet. When he wanted to be.

Kissing him more forcefully, she slid her hands up his chest and down his shoulder, removing his letterman jacket in the process. Taking the hint, he hopped off the bed and quickly removed his t-shirt, tossing it over a random chair in the corner of her room. Frantically, he loosened his belt, lowered his jeans as well as his underwear, and began to prepare himself.

Before she could protest, he was already above her, crashing his lips into hers. Nothing could've prepared her for the pain she was about to feel. They always say your first time is painful and awkward, but this…this was gut-wrenching. There was no pleasure, well at least not for her. There was no easing himself in, or taking his time. This was quick and forceful.

"God…Fuck…Rach.".

She wanted to cry. She wanted to tell him to stop, to get off, that she changed her mind but what was the point? The wall had already been broken. Her innocence had already been taken. In the wise words of Monica, her flower had been lost.

Seconds began to feel like minutes and minutes began to feel like hours. Not once did she open her eyes. She didn't want to face reality, instead, she imagined she was somewhere else. Somewhere with him. Ensuring her this would all be over soon. With one last blow, he collapsed on her chest. Not wanting him to see her tears, She wrapped her arms around him, caressing his back, holding him in place.

After allowing some time for their hearts to slow down and catch their breath, Chip hopped up and started to get dressed. Sitting there, she just watched him as he disposed of the condom, readjusted his jeans, and began searching around for his shirt.

Suddenly he looked towards her questioningly. "Hey, have you seen my…"

"It's over there." She interrupted, pointing at the chair where his shirt was previously thrown.

"Ah, thanks, babe."

He threw on his shirt, grabbed his letterman jacket, and headed toward the bedroom door. Opening the door, he stopped short of the threshold, turning on his heels he headed towards the bed. Leaning down, he planted a tender kiss on her lips.

"Thanks, babe. That was great, call me tomorrow. I love you."

And with that, he was out the door.

Yeah, sometimes he could be sweet. When he wanted to be.

Finally alone and in the confines of her darkened room, where no one could hear her pleas, she sank into the darkness and wept. She wept for the loss of her virtue. For the archaic way in which it was taken. And she wept for him.

She's not really sure how she ended up here or why her brain always associated this place with safety but she was here nonetheless. Balling her hand into a fist, she lifted it and knocked on the door three times. At first, she wasn't sure anyone was up, or if they would even let her in at this time of night but she didn't want to be home. To be in her room and have the scenes replay in her mind over and over. She needed a distraction. She needed a friend. She needed Monica

Before she could knock again, the door swung open, revealing the first yet also the last person she wanted to see right now. Ross. He was wearing the same clothes he had on during the movies. Did he just get home? God…I hope she isn't here.

"Rach? What are you doing here?"

Drying her face she quickly replied. "Is Monica here? I really need to talk to her."

"Umm yeah…she is upstairs." He opened the door wider, gesturing her to enter. After entering, he closed the door behind them. "Is everything okay? You seem a little shaken up?"

"Umm yeah, I am okay. I'll….I'll just go see Monica now. Thanks."

Noticing the worrisome look on his face she flashed him a thankful smile, waving her hands in dismissal. "Really, I am fine. It's just some girl stuff. Nothing you would want to know about anyways."

"Okay…" He said, eyeing her skeptically. Opting to not push the subject further, he opened his arms. A sorrowful look showed on his face.

"Wha….what?" She questioned.

"Come here," He said, moving his hands, beckoning her to come closer.

Taking a step back, she shook her head. "No…really I am…" Before she could protest further, he closed the distance between them, clutching her to his chest.

The first thing she noticed was his smell. He smelled of cologne and deodorant, under that was a faint whiff of him. A scent that was undeniably characteristic to only Ross. Tightening her grasp on him, she let the tears quietly fall. She could faintly hear him whispering words of encouragement as he slowly stroked her hair. I wish I could stay in his arms forever.

A few moments had passed before she realized he was carrying her upstairs. Her heartbeat began to quicken. Was he taking me to his room? Do I want to go to his room? Before she could think any further, he slowly lowered her in front of Monica's door. Was she disappointed that he didn't take her to his room? Maybe. But she had to remind herself that he was taken…and so was she.

Before he could knock on Monica's door, she grabbed his hand. God, just touching him sends me to cloud 9. Looking up, she gazed into his eyes. "Wait…I…I just wanted to…to thank you…for everything."

Smiling he looked into her eyes. "It's nothing Rach…I'll always be here for you…you are my friend…." Leaning down, he placed a tender kiss on her cheek. "..and I care for you."

Before she could reply, he had already knocked on Monica's door. On the other side, you could hear a loud groan and feet shuffling towards them.

Before seeing Rachel, Monica responded aggravated. "What Ro-...Rach? Oh my god honey, what's wrong."

Taking Rachel's hand, she pulled her into the room. Before the door was closed, she held Ross's gaze, caressing the place on her cheek where she had last felt his lips.

Sitting on Monica's bed, she gazed off into the distance thinking about Ross. How he comforted her downstairs. The way he smelled and the way she felt in his embrace. She wrapped her arms around herself, wishing they were his. Wishing she could feel him once more. Breaking her thoughts, she realized Monica was talking to her.

"Sorry honey, what did you say?"

"Where were you? You've been staring into the distance for like 10 minutes. I asked if everything was okay?"

Avoiding her gaze, she let out a deep sigh. "It's Chip…we had a date tonight and…and.."

"OMG! YOU GUYS HAD SEX?" Monica screamed enthusiastically.

After noticing her friend's saddened expression she softened. "Wait, if so…then why are you sad? Was it that bad?"

"Worse"

Author's Note: I know, I know, this chapter was kind of dark and twisted...I didn't plan on that happening. Like I said, when it comes to writing I just let it all flow out, whatever happens, happens.

Also, I saw a review where someone asked for quicker updates and I promise I will try. I have another story but since this one is getting more hype (and I enjoy writing it more than the other) I will focus on it more. Another reason why it takes me so long to update is I like them to be long chapters and I edit them A LOT. You're dealing with a perfectionist here.

Anyway, leave a review if you liked it or have any ideas for me. Seeing them makes me giddy inside. Thank you. XxX