"Shit! Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit!"
Killian paced up and down the length of the hotel room that had been reserved for him as he gripped a silk tie tightly in his left hand.
"Shit!"
The sound of a sharp rap on the door made him freeze for a moment before he strode over to it and threw it open.
"Well?" he demanded.
"Graham doesn't have a spare, and nobody else on the crew is carrying one either. I'm sorry, Killian."
"Can't we send someone out for one?" he asked. He was aware that he sounded like a total diva at that moment, but Killian was panicking, and as far as he was concerned, that completely justified his actions.
"We could," Ashley agreed, in that universal tone that suggested a 'but' was coming. "However, you'll probably already be on the air by the time anyone can get to a store, buy one, and get back here with it."
Killian opened his mouth, fully intending to tell Ashley to take that risk, but she held up a hand to stop him.
"Traffic around the university has basically ground to a halt, Killian. There's no possible way to get you a new tie in time. You're just gonna have to wear the one you've got."
"I don't want to wear the one I have," he mumbled, as his eyes flicked down to the blue silk crumpled in his left hand.
Ashley reached out to gently pry it from his fingers, then strode over to the ironing board he'd used to press his shirt.
"Why not? It's a beautiful color. I bet it'll look great with your eyes."
Flashes of a memory - a soft hand on his chin and someone else's voice mumbling similar words - had some of the tension seeping from Killian's shoulders – but only some of it.
"I know it's beautiful. I'm just not sure it's right for me," he mumbled quietly, as he watched Ashley lay a hand towel over the silk before she pressed down gently on the pile of fabric with a warm iron.
"You'll never know until you try it," she soothed, peeling away the towel to nod down at the now smooth tie once more. "Why don't you put it on and run over your talking points in the mirror?" she suggested. "That way, you can see for yourself how you feel about it."
Killian nodded his head stubbornly, but when he took the tie from her, it was with much gentler hands than he'd used before. He might not like the idea of wearing it live on-air for such a massive event, but he knew it was the only real option he had.
"I'll give you some time alone," Ashley said, as she made her way back towards the room door. "When we're ready, I'll send someone up for you."
"Okay," Killian muttered, with resignation coloring every letter of the word.
"It'll look fine," Ashley assured him, reaching out to squeeze his arm gently before she showed herself from the room.
Killian dropped down onto the edge of the bed and sat silently for a moment, trying desperately to recall the words Emma had spoken to him when she'd encouraged him to wear the tie. With panic still clouding his mind, he found that they simply wouldn't come.
He toyed with the fabric for a moment, pulling it through his fingers and watching as it grabbed the light still falling into the room from the open drapes, before he made his way over to the coffee table by the window and snatched up his phone. It didn't take him long to unlock the device, open the FaceTime app, and hit dial on the last number he'd called. As he waited for the line to connect, Killian dropped the device back onto the table and began turning up the collar on his perfectly pressed white shirt.
He'd just finished looping the tie around his neck when the call finally connected.
After a couple of seconds of silence, Emma's voice asked, "Killian? Are you there?"
"I'm here," he replied.
"Then why am I staring at what looks like a ceiling, and not your pretty face?"
He was too wound up to be embarrassed by her easy compliment, but the sound of her voice was already working like a soothing balm to his frayed nerves.
"I brought the wrong tie."
"You did what now?"
"I brought the wrong tie," he repeated, finishing his knot and sliding the fabric into place. Killian took a moment just to flick his collar back down as he said, "When I was packing this morning for the debate, I didn't look at what I was picking up, and I brought your tie with me instead of my usual one."
"Ahh," she sighed, like that explained everything.
Killian wasn't entirely sure it explained his behavior even to himself, but he appreciated her gesture of understanding.
After a moment of silence, Emma finally asked, "Can I see it?"
He should have expected that question and yet, somehow, he hadn't. Killian sighed a little to himself and then strode over to where he'd left his phone before finally picking it up.
Emma's bright smile was infectious, and he found himself returning it even though he hadn't planned to do so.
"I know you're probably gonna dismiss my words as being biased because we have this… thing going on, but Killian… I was right! That tie looks incredible on you. It's almost the exact same shade of blue as your eyes, and it just makes them pop. You should definitely wear color more often."
Killian chuckled awkwardly at her praise as he lifted his free hand to scratch the back of his neck. From what he could see of his image in the top corner of the screen, he didn't look too bad, he just looked different. The problem was, Killian wasn't sure how he felt about different. He'd spent years building a perfectly respectable image for himself, and doing anything to jeopardize that image – even something as small as changing the color of his tie – felt like a huge risk, given the nature of his profession.
"You look great," Emma praised again. "I know it's not something you're used to, and I know that for a man of your advanced age –"
"Watch it," he warned playfully.
"– Different can be scary, but honestly, Killian, you have nothing to worry about. The color suits you. It works well with your shirt and jacket, and you still look just as knowledgeable and professional as you always have."
And somehow, just like that, all of Killian's concerns seemed to vanish.
"Yeah? You really think so?" he asked, smiling softly at her over the line.
"Oh, I know so," she stated confidently, and he chuckled a little at the familiar look burning behind her eyes.
"Thanks, Emmy."
"I don't know why you're thanking me. I should be thanking you for the glorious images I'm gonna get tonight. Do you think it would be too much to ask that you just sit still for a moment and look at the camera so I can at least get a decent screenshot of you in that tie?"
"I'll do you one better," he chuckled. "I'll send you a picture before I leave my hotel room."
"I'm holding you to that," she threatened darkly, and Killian couldn't stop the smile that broke over his face at her words. "I guess I should let you go as you're supposed to be on tv in like an hour."
"You could always run through my talking points with me until they come and get me," he suggested, in a desperate attempt to keep her on the line with him for as long as he possibly could.
"I dunno. I was planning to wash my hair," she mused, and he snorted out another laugh. "Alright, Jones, hit me with them," she declared, and the frame bounced a little as he imagined her dropping down to sit on her tiny little bed, probably pulling her legs up to tuck underneath her body.
"What do you know about US tax policy?" Killian asked, as he reached for the sheet of notes he'd prepared earlier that day.
"Absolutely fuck all," she stated. "But, if you're teaching, then I'm happy to learn."
Two days later, Killian found himself sitting inside a small restaurant in the city, waiting for Regina to join him for lunch. As he waited, he spent his time watching the people walking past the large windows in the building and studiously ignoring the buzzing of his phone.
While Emma hadn't technically said, 'I told you so,' since the night of the debate, she had developed a fondness for forwarding him any and every comment she could find on the internet about just how many people agreed with her on the subject of his new blue tie. Killian had only opened three of them so far, but he'd already learned far too much about his new starring role in many people's fantasies to last him a lifetime.
"Sorry I'm late," Regina said, announcing her presence and startling him out of his thoughts. "We ran late filming today because some idiot on set couldn't deliver the right lines."
"Are you that idiot?" Killian deadpanned.
"Yes. Yes, I am," she chuckled, sliding into the seat opposite his. "Have you ordered yet?"
"Just a drink," he told her, tipping his glass to the side to indicate the half-empty Cola he'd been speaking of.
Regina scanned the menu quickly and then closed it with a decisive snap. Killian was a little envious of the way that she made her decision so quickly. It had taken him nearly twenty minutes to decide what he wanted for lunch, and in the end, he'd settled on the same thing he'd ordered the last three times he'd visited the restaurant.
Once they'd placed their orders and both had fresh drinks in front of them, Regina asked, "So, how have you been? I caught some of the debate night coverage on Monday, but you know me and politics. We don't mix. It kinda feels like it's been forever since we last caught up."
Before Killian could answer, his phone vibrated against the tabletop, and he flicked his eyes down to the screen to check the notification. When he saw a link waiting for him, he simply smiled indulgently, then locked the device.
"I've, uh, I've been good, thanks. Just gearing up for the election season at work."
"Ugh, that sounds like Hell," Regina said, rolling her eyes at the mere thought of it.
"For you, maybe, but not for me," he countered. "I'm having fun. I always enjoy a busy news cycle, but this feels different. This feels – better!"
"I'll have to take your word for that," she told him, just as a waiter approached with a plate balanced in each hand.
Killian and Regina paused their conversation while their meals were set down in front of them, then thanked their server. Killian was just reaching for the ketchup in the middle of the table when his phone buzzed again, and his eyes drifted down to the screen.
"Am I distracting you from something?" Regina asked.
Killian shot her a look of confusion.
"Your phone has vibrated twice since I got here, and you've ignored both messages. Is there something going on at work that you should be dealing with? Did some politician sleep with someone they shouldn't have?" she asked, her eyes lighting up at the thought of some sort of scandalous gossip.
"No. At least, not that I'm aware of. It's just – it's just a friend who's currently gloating about something."
"Oh, God, you mean August was actually right about something?" she asked, looking a little horrified at the idea of that reality.
"Ha, um… no, it's, uh… it's not August," Killian told her, as he picked up his phone to spin it in his hand. "It's someone else. Somebody new."
"New?" Regina's eyebrows rose to meet her hairline.
Killian knew what his friend must have been thinking. In all the time they'd known each other, he'd never once introduced her to a new friend he'd made outside of work. The time he dedicated to his job and the hours he kept made it hard to make new friends, and Killian hadn't exactly been looking to add anyone new to his life. Hearing that he'd made a new friend was probably just as surprising to Regina as aliens touching down on earth would have been to him.
"Yeah. It's, uh, it's just someone I met on vacation," he explained, hoping she wouldn't read too much into everything.
"You met someone on vacation?" Regina pressed, doubt coloring every word.
"Yeah. She was staying close to me in the village, and I, uh…" Killian trailed off as he thought back to that first night and the way he'd been introduced to Emma. It felt like it had happened a lifetime ago, not at the start of the month. "I annoyed her slightly, and she threw a book at me."
"You –" Regina cut herself off as she appeared to gather her thoughts. Killian hadn't said a lot, and yet, he'd reveal so much. "How did you manage to annoy someone on vacation?"
"Accidentally," he mumbled, before picking up his burger to take a large bite from it.
"And she threw a book at you? That sounds a little… deranged."
Killian snorted out a laugh and brought his hand up to cover his mouth as he finished chewing and swallowing.
"It's not as bad as it sounds. She was giving me the book to read."
"By throwing it at you?"
"I may have exaggerated a little," he chuckled, and his phone buzzed on the table once more.
Regina reached out to seize it before he could, but Killian wasn't too worried. Given the nature of some of the pictures Emma had sent to him, he'd been smart enough to change his password and security settings.
"Emmy?" she asked. "What kind of a name is Emmy for a grown woman?"
"It's a nickname," Killian defended hotly, snatching back the device as he recalled the conversation he'd had with Emma about the use of it. "One I gave to her – so, I guess the more accurate question would be - what kind of name is Emmy for a grown man to use for a grown woman?"
Regina held up her hands in that universal sign of surrender, and Killian dropped his eyes to the screen. This time, Emma had sent a message instead of a link.
Sorry.
Have I gone too far?
He flicked a look over to his friend, who was suddenly very interested in her food, before he typed out his response.
Not at all!
Just be prepared for me to do the same the moment you make it big.
I'm out for lunch with a friend at the moment, but can I call you when I get back?
I look forward to both of those moments ;-)
Enjoy your lunch.
X
Killian reread the message a couple of times before he finally locked his phone and set it back down on the table.
Regina seemed to sense the change in his mood as, after taking a sip from her glass of wine, she asked, "How was it anchoring the debate night coverage? I didn't catch much of it because, you know, politics –"She rolled her eyes dramatically for effect. "– But I saw enough of the coverage after it to notice that the American public now seems to think you're a stone-cold babe."
Killian chuckled embarrassedly and took another large bite from his burger, so as to avoid answering her question for just a little longer.
"Good morning, darling. How are you?" Alice called out from her place on the sofa, as Killian made his way into the apartment, stifling a yawn behind his hand.
"Morning, mother," he finally squeezed out, bending down to remove Lily's leash. Once she was free, the dog ran off to join his mother on the couch and settled down to sleep again.
Killian wasn't sure which one of them was lazier, to be honest.
"Are you sure you're okay having Lily again so soon?" he asked, as he finally approached his mother and brushed a kiss to her cheek, before taking a seat on one of the armchairs around the antique coffee table.
"Of course. We do just fine, don't we, lovely?" she asked, directing her question at the dog that was pretending to sleep beside her. "Alfred will take her out for a walk after lunch and another before dinner. She'll barely even miss you, sweetheart."
Killian didn't doubt that. His mother was well known for spoiling the people she loved, and, apparently, her generosity didn't end with humans.
"Okay, well, my flight home is early tomorrow morning, so I'll stop by and pick her up on the way back," he said, just so his mother was clear on their plans.
"Take as much time as you need, dear. We won't mind."
"I know, but I don't like leaving her for too long."
Lily had been Killian's one constant companion over the last decade, and while he knew that the day he'd have to say goodbye to her would occur sooner rather than later, the idea of spending extended periods of time away from her didn't sit right with him. If she traveled better than she did, he'd take her anywhere and everywhere he could. But the one time he'd tried to do so, Lily had become so distressed that she'd made herself vomit all over the interior of his car. After that day, Killian had decided it was kinder to her if he left her home with his mother instead of dragging her all over the world with him.
"I know, darling, but you're doing the right thing," Alice praised.
Killian nodded his head in agreement before he pushed himself back up to his feet. This time, his mother rose with him, and as she did, he noticed the golden silk scarf she had tied around her neck. For a moment, thoughts of why she'd be wearing one indoors and what it might be covering had him fighting off the urge to vomit a little, but once he'd shaken off those mental images, he was able to ask, "Is that the scarf I brought back from France for you?"
Alice looked awkwardly down to the ends of the piece before she met her son's eyes again and nodded her head. "Yes, dear, I believe it is."
"You like it, then?"
"Of course! It's well made, so soft, and such a beautiful color. I've worn it a couple of times now."
Killian smiled as he toed at the edge of the rug with his left foot. "I'll, uh… I'll tell Emma that. She was the one who helped me pick it out for you."
"You do that, dear," Alice instructed, "and thank her when you see her later."
"I will," Killian promised, stuffing his hands into his pockets.
"Now, I believe you have a flight to catch and another debate to cover," Alice instructed, already herding her son toward the elevator. "Lily, Jeffrey, and I will be watching tonight."
"You will?" he asked, a little stunned by the thought of his mother willingly sitting through anything political, let alone a long and dry presidential debate.
"Of course! I happen to be incredibly proud of my son," she told him, sounding a little offended that he would think otherwise. "Naturally, that makes me his biggest fan."
Killian chuckled awkwardly at her words as he let her pull him in for a hug. "Thanks, Mom."
"You don't need to thank me for loving you," she chastised. "In fact, it's a pleasure to do so. Now… go and catch your flight. I'd be a little less proud of you if you missed it and ruined your career."
"Thanks, Mom. See you tomorrow, Lils," he called out, before finally stepping into the metal carriage to head down to the parking garage.
It was only when Killian was halfway down the elevator shaft that his mother's words came back to him, striking a slightly odd accord.
"Thank her when you see her later."
His mother had no way of knowing that he was planning to FaceTime with Emma before he started rehearsals for the debate night coverage, so why had she made such an unusual comment?
It wasn't until he was on his flight to Virginia that it finally occurred to Killian that his mother might have confused Emma with Anna - his co-anchor for the evening who just happened to be sitting beside him.
"Hi."
"Hello yourself," Emma threw back at him, as her face finally appeared on the small screen of his phone. "I know I made a big deal about the blue tie, but maybe you should consider anchoring like this every now and then," she suggested. "I'm sure that little peek of chest hair would just cement your status as a sex symbol."
Killian chuckled awkwardly as he reached up to scratch behind his ear. Only she could make him feel desirable and sexy when he was feeling exhausted and unappealing.
"Thanks. I, uh – we filmed a few segments in advance that will air before the debate tonight with guests on tight deadlines, and I didn't have time to change after," he explained, looking down at his perfectly pressed white shirt that was open at the neck with his sleeves carefully rolled to just above his elbows.
"You never need to apologize to me for that," she assured him. "I know how much you enjoy your work. I see it in your eyes every time you sit in front of that camera. So never be sorry for it."
Killian offered her a thankful smile and a small nod of the head before he asked, "So, how were classes today? Did you learn anything exciting?"
Emma had officially begun her final year of university that morning. Between the time difference and Killian's flight to Virginia, he hadn't found much time to check in with her since the end of her school day.
"Just schedules and assignment dates," Emma trilled, her tone dripping with faux enthusiasm. "I'll send you a copy of it all at the end of the week. That feels like a much better plan than trying to update you on what I'm doing every day."
"You just want an excuse not to talk to me every night," he teased.
"Guilty, as charged! I'm making excuses to avoid a hot man that I stay awake until two am watching live on tv every weekday."
Killian snorted out another laugh and then said, "Yeah, I think you might be giving my mom a run for her money right now."
"In what way?"
He waved a hand dismissively even though he knew Emma probably couldn't see it. "She was just telling me earlier about how she's my biggest fan."
"Well, in that case, I'm not even going to attempt to compete with Alice Jones. She can have the title of your biggest fan as long as I get second place."
"Second place is definitely yours," he chuckled. "Although, I'm not sure what you'd get for it, aside from a lack of sleep."
"Damn. And here was me thinking you were rewarding me with sexual favors for my dedication to the cause," Emma deadpanned, and Killian snorted out something that sounded vaguely like a laugh that had decided to mate with a cough.
"I, uh… I think I probably owe you a couple, then," he found himself saying.
Judging by the way Emma's brows rose, he hadn't been the only person shocked to hear him making such a bold statement.
"I would never disagree with that," she told him. "But I hope you know it's not the only reason I take your calls or watch your show, Killian."
"I know," he assured her.
"Good. And, while we're on the subject of gift giving –" Killian's face must have clearly communicated his confusion because she quickly added, "– just go with it! Anyway, I, uh… I might have sent you a little something today. I sent it to the email account you use for Skype, and I would really appreciate it if you could keep it to yourself for now."
"Of course," Killian assured her, already hauling his laptop over to him so that he could open the email account he'd only checked once before, to verify his Skype account. When it had loaded, Killian found a single message waiting for him from Swan, Emma with the subject line reading Samples Version 1.
"Is… is this what I think it is?" he asked, opening the email immediately.
Emma had enclosed a zip file along with her short message.
Killian,
I'd say be brutally honest - but given that you're my best friend, I'm not sure my heart could take it. So, instead, I'll tell you just to 'enjoy!'
Your Emmy.
X
Emma said nothing in the brief amount of time it took him to read her message, and Killian wasn't sure if that was because she was waiting for him to do so or if it was because she wasn't sure what to say.
"Is it bad that I kind of want to hang up and listen to these now?" he teased.
"I'm only marginally offended by that," she chuckled, but there was something different about that laugh, and when Killian turned his attention back to their call, he realized what it was.
Doubt!
"I can't believe you sent them over, Emmy. I can't believe you trust me enough with them," he added, because while he didn't know much about the music industry, he knew enough to understand how monumental this was. Artists didn't send out their work to just anyone, and a leaked recording could end up costing them millions.
"Well, what can I say? I have a soft spot for old, greying news anchors," she quipped, and Killian was relieved to see that some of her concerns had abated.
"I'm not that grey," he rebuked, as he reached up to run a hand through his hair.
"No, but where you are starting to go a little silver, it's kinda cute," she assured him, and just like that, any self-doubts he might have had about aging were suddenly gone.
Killian wasn't sure how she did it, but she always managed to say exactly what he needed to hear – even if he didn't know it himself.
"Now I just need to Google ways to download these to my phone," he mumbled absentmindedly, as he continued exploring the file she'd sent him. There were five individual audio recordings inside of it, and Killian couldn't wait to listen to each one of them. Repeatedly.
"I'll send you an email with instructions, Grandpa."
"Oi! Less of the Grandpa, please? I'm not that much older than you."
"No, you're just old enough to be my daddy," she drawled, and Killian found his eyes flying away from his laptop screen to meet her own once more.
"Huh," she remarked, wearing that smug smirk he'd come to associate with danger. "Never would have thought that would do it for you."
Killian swallowed hard as he willed his body not to react to her words or the sinful tone she'd uttered them in.
"Neither did I," he eventually croaked, and Emma's laugh rang out beautifully over the line. Killian set his laptop off to one side so that he could fully appreciate the moment.
"Maybe we should explore that more on Friday night?" she suggested coyly.
Killian wasn't sure what he had planned for that evening, but he knew he'd cancel whatever it was. "That, uh… that sounds good to me," he agreed.
"Good? Damn. I must be doing a crap job if it only sounds good."
Killian squeezed his eyes shut as memories of their last few weekends began circulating through his mind. They had been the furthest thing from good, in his humble opinion. He just couldn't seem to find a better word to communicate how mind-blowingly intense each experience had been.
"I have a presidential debate to cover in less than an hour, Emmy. I'm trying to behave."
Her beautiful laugh rang around the room once more, and this time, when Killian peeled his eyes open to watch, he was hit with a sudden pang of longing. God, he missed her. He missed hearing that laugh in person when she teased him about his dinner choices or his indifference to coffee. He missed the easy way in which she would touch him – never making him feel uncomfortable with the invasion of his personal space and yet, never failing to make him feel wanted when she did. And more than all of that, he missed the intensity of having her stand before him in all of her outgoing, energetic, beautiful majesty.
Like she always seemed to do, Emma must have picked up on the shift in his mood as she whispered, "I miss you, Killian," across the line.
"I miss you too, Emmy," he told her. "So fucking much!"
I'm sorry for being MIA for so long. Things at home have taken an odd turn and right now, I need to focus on helping my children before doing anything else. I promise to update as and when I can but, at the moment, I can't promise how often it will be.
Thanks for reading and reviewing.