Dearest Elsa
It pains me so much to write a letter to you, knowing my note will just be one out of the thousands you must receive from admirers all around the world. Yet I can only fathom the world blessed by your presence, I can only consider my words one star out of many - and in the cosmos above, your star burns the brightest in my heart.
How long has it been since I felt your touch? Long enough - yet this fire appears to be unquenchable by time. Everyday I hurl myself at the ordeal I have undertaken, hoping it would make me forget. How much my soul endures, wishing we'll meet again one day.
I wish I could forget you. My heart finds it impossible to.
-Anna
P.S. I clutch at the locket and stare at the starlit Hollywood sky, comforted from knowing we sleep beneath the same tent of darkness.
Dear Anna
I know not if my letters are being received, or if they are lost forever.
In the vastness of the inky night sky, you are my North star, the guiding light that outshines all others
The touch of your lips to mine is the only memory that keeps me alive
My circumstances are dire, and I must be away for a while.
It's bitter cold everyday without you, and I fear the Ice Queen will be more than a name.
I don't know what's happening to me, but my heart beats everyday for the warmth of your embrace.
Until then, farewell sweet Anna.
I pray you find what you came to this godforsaken town for.
-Elsa
Huffing, Anna's gait cut a figure of diminutive grace as she strode laps around the moonlit park. Her black tracksuit blended in with the shadows as she tried to keep her pace. Spotting a low wall, her eyes narrowed upon the target. Just one more for tonight.
Clenching her jaw, Anna grunted as she vaulted over the wall. Mistiming the jump, her ankles clipped the brick, sending her into a roll amidst the fallen leaves. Anna groaned, clutching her elbow. Picking out the damp leaves and twigs from her hair, Anna glared at the low wall as though it wronged her.
"I'll get you next time," Anna muttered, swearing to keep up the training for her new role. The lung-crushing runs and failed acrobatics under the blanket of darkness left a rumble in her stomach, and she found herself wandering towards a street populated by Russian Emigres. The diner doorbell tinkled as she limped in, and at once she's beset by the fragrance of boiled cabbage and ham. It's nearly 9pm, and Anna's the only customer. A matronly Babushka wearing a greasy apron greeted Anna in heavily-accented english.
"Back for the Borscht again, sweetheart?"
Anna's eyes lit up at the steaming bowl of soup ladled out for her, "Yes mama, and Pelmeni, if you have any-"
"You're lucky, I saved some for you."
The hearty meal failed to distract Anna from making conversation with the woman.
"You shouldn't be running around after dark," Gerda sighed, "the men from the bar are watching you-"
Anna's lips curled into a smirk, she switched to Russian for a moment,
"мне не следует их бояться
они должны бояться меня."
("I shouldn't be afraid of them, they should be afraid of me.")
"Improving by leaps and bounds, you're really a natural," Gerda observed, refilling Anna's tea, "you aren't thinking of moving there, are you?"
"Of course not, not with the way things are now," Anna answered.
Amidst the sounds of clinking cutlery and the thud of Gerda's rolling pin as she rolled out dumplings, Anna practised Russian with the woman - who really wanted nothing more than a kind soul to listen to her. An hour into the conversation, and Anna's transported into the harsh world of the 1950s Soviet Union. Her character swallowed the narrative whole, and every exchange between them morphed her identity into someone else. Someone ruthless and cold.
Still, Anna thanked Gerda for the food, and promised to bring a poster of her movie when it was finished.
The dark streets scarcely bothered Anna as she headed home. A temptation to hurl herself into bed from exhaustion overtook Anna for a moment. But still the girl got dressed, doing her hair in a coiffed bun and slipping into a black gown. It was Friday night, and the town was still awake. Crowds of partygoers walked the streets, soaking in the electric atmosphere. Lost in her character, Anna wandered Sunset Boulevard, rehearsing her lines repeatedly until the world began to spin.
The neon lights, earlier a kaleidoscope of colours that mesmerised the girl, now grated upon her senses. A surreal energy emanated from the crowds, throngs of people bumped into her everywhere she went. Anna's breath came in spurts. She recognised the signs. Looking for a way out, Anna ducked into the nearest bar she could find. It was an upscale establishment, but she looked the part. The doorman recognised her from the film and let her in. Even if she had barely enough money to buy anything.
A haze of cigar smoke clouded the dimly-lit lounge as soft jazz music floated through her ears. She noticed more than one pair of eyes swivelling in her direction as she sat herself at the bar.
"Vodka Martini, please," Anna asked the bartender.
A voice lit up from behind her, "You could let me get that for you."
Dark and suave, Anna turned to its source: a man in a brown suit and red tie. She recognised him as Sven Eksgard, one of the leading actors in Hollywood. It surprised Anna to see him without some model on his arm, or two, given his reputation. The alluring depth of his green eyes immediately put her at ease, even as he nonchalantly tossed money at the bartender.
"Lovely to meet you, sir," Anna thanked.
Sven raised an eyebrow at her accent, "Already making yourself play the part, I see. I've been told you are quite the actress, or artist, as they say-"
"You're working with Kristoff on his next film?" she asked, eyes widening.
"Woah, woah, no need to get excited over me," Sven answered, eliciting an eye roll from Anna, "I think there's someone else you should be excited over."
Anna gasped as he stepped right before her. His hand slithered past her elbow, before wrapping itself around her lithe waist. The force of Anna's character broke through his advances.
"If you're going to be so forward with me, Mr Eksgard," Anna's voice oozed a sensual tone, "may I suggest you take it outside, where there are less prying eyes around."
Sven tugged her closer, "I don't think you'll want to miss the next part of the show tonight, assuming that's what you came here for."
Her eyes spelt confusion for a moment, before she smirked at him.
"You seem to know a great many things about me-"
"Not enough," Sven sneered, releasing his grip. He fished around his jacket for a business card, handing it to Anna with a tip of an imaginary hat.
"Call me anytime you want to run over our lines together, though I don't think we have many."
And with that, Sven was gone. Off to his table where a model was already nagging him about his flirting with Anna. Brushing away the warmth from her forearm, Anna's left sipping her martini alone, pondering his words, that's what you came here for.
What little of the martini she drank dulled her senses sufficiently to miss the lounge's host announcing the singer's name.
Anna's jaw dropped, as a familiar blonde swept onto the stage.
Sequined gown flowing down her curves like a waterfall.
Blonde hair coiled in a crown braid.
Elbow length velvet gloves.
Smoky makeup that made her look like a million dollars.
"It's a pleasure to be in your company tonight, Hollywood," Elsa whispered in the microphone, sultry voice evoking utter silence from the crowd. Immediately, Anna detected a trace of unease from Elsa, like a part of her soul had been ripped out. The actress began to sing, honey sweet voice wafting its way around the lounge, as every single soul stopped to listen.
Looking out on the morning rain
I used to feel so uninspired
And when I knew I had to face another day
Lord, it made me feel so tired
Anna froze to her seat as a multitude of questions flew through her mind. What was Elsa doing here? She obviously had no want for money. In the precious little time they'd spent together, Anna knew she detested the maddening roar of the crowds. A sickening feeling crept up Anna's throat as she detected something amiss, even as the audience gushed over her voice.
Before the day I met you
Life was so unkind
You're the key
To my piece of mind
In the dim light, Anna sank further into the corner of the bar. Her eyes were fixated on Elsa, harsh white spotlights illuminating her glowing skin. She gripped the bar stool. Her heart ached. She longed for Elsa so much, but a part of her was ashamed of what she'd become, as though it was her fault.
'Cause you make me feel
You make me feel
You make me feel
Like a natural woman
Like a pair of magnets, they found each other in the crowd. Elsa's eyes lit up. Her voice rose in intensity for the chorus. There was a discernible stutter as she struggled to contain her emotions, but she easily found her stride again. With a megawatt smile across her face, Elsa pointed an upturned palm at Anna.
When my soul was in the lost and found
You came along to claim it
I didn't know just what was wrong with me
Till your kiss helped me name it
Anna clasped her hands over her mouth. A tear seeped from her eyelid as the gravity of the lyrics fell upon her. Guilt struck her cold. She contemplated looking away, but found her gaze fixed upon Elsa's ravishing beauty, calling out to her with every note, every word. Time itself stood still as a thousand unspoken words passed between them.
Now I'm no longer doubtful
Of what I'm livin' for
And if I make you happy
I don't need to do more
Just needing to show Elsa something, Anna blew a kiss at the actress. Elsa responded in kind, and the audience cheered its delight. Her voice rose in time with the song. She shut her eyes, and a gasp went around the lounge as a tear slid down her cheek. The song ended. Elsa sniffled. She stood before the microphone, pressing a hand to her head, eyes still fixed on Anna.
"I do apologise for this tonight, ladies and gentlemen. This song means a lot to me, to someone, " Elsa said, wiping a tear, "Please bear with me as I get fixed, and I'll leave you with the Marmont band for a moment."
And with that, Elsa strode off backstage, but not before locking eyes with Anna, and shaking her head.
Don't.
Grief struck Anna in the gut. She left her half-finished martini slushie behind, footsteps thudding down the hallway. Each step felt like an arrow in her heart, and as the cool night air hit her face, Anna felt like she'd abandoned her last chance at a life of happiness.
A/N: (You Make Me Feel Like) A Natural Woman - Aretha Franklin, 1967