I woke up in chains in medbay. I knew I'd been operated on and could see how many bloody bags dripped on me. I wanted Charles to come and take me next to him so I'd be safe. But now I was in Damon and Mariella's care, so that might not happen.

I was tired, and I felt sick, weak, and unsafe. It's always the same thing, I thought wearily—insecurity right from the start. Especially when I'm weak. That's why Charles and Adam's sex therapy had worked so well, and it helped because I was safe. Me, the great and powerful flea, the ice queen, I wanted to be in someone else's arms and clinging when I felt weak. I couldn't always be brave. I didn't want to be.

I wished the power couple had found their way to bed. Because then Charles and Adam would take care of me. I wasn't about to just whimper into their arms or next to them. But I might make a suggestion or two. I hadn't slept on my own in months.

I'd occasionally gotten Charles off the wolf for a while, and we'd fucked like wild beasts, but I'd just lain on top of him contentedly, not exhausted enough to fall asleep. But now, I missed nothing more than Charles or Adam. Now, I was the one they would have to look after once again.

Medbay's door opened, and Damon and Mariella came in from the shower. Damon came to the bedside and felt my forehead, which was hot again because I was cold. I had a fever. He checked my pulse.

He said, "You've got a nasty infection going on. You've got a real fever. Now, you just have to let the antibiotics work and watch. I'll give you another fever medicine in a minute to bring your temperature down. I know you're a hot baby, but don't exaggerate. "

I nodded. Now, it was time to be patient again.

But I said anyway,

"Can you ask Charles to come here then? He can do it if you give him the instructions and the medication. Then, you two can be alone. "

Damon lowered the side of my bed and down and looked at me closely. Those icy blue eyes were searching, and I knew him in my thoughts, too.

He stroked my hair away from my forehead and said,

"This is a serious enough condition now that I'm not going to involve Charles in this unless you want him in the bed next to me with a fever, too. You see, I am still your biological half, which means that when you have a problem, I often have a solution, and this same thing ensures that I am immune to this bug. Charles isn't. Mariella uses an energy shield. I don't guarantee that Charles can use it well enough, and I'm not about to risk anyone else in the pack right now. I'm gonna fix you up. Don't you doubt it? "

He stood up and lifted the board at the same time.

Fine, I'll take it from here. No problem, play sleepy every now and then if they don't put you to sleep. But honestly, I don't go to sleep around them. The nightmares almost always came when I was sick. That was a fact, but I hadn't told anyone about it.

I couldn't help it except to put deeply to sleep with medication, and I don't know if that would help me get better. I was just lying there, not really thinking about anything sensible, just trying to get myself to be calm.

Damon and Mariella put the fever medicine on a drip, and I pretended to fall asleep when I heard the medbay door close. I was good at this. Several days went by, and the antibiotic worked very slowly. I pretended to sleep most of the time, and Damon and Mariella gratefully accepted this and left.

I held out hope that the antibiotic would get the infection under control enough for Charles to hold on to me. I had actually fallen asleep a couple of times and woken up in a complete panic. Luckily, the power couple had been elsewhere.

I was just starting to feel a bit more tired and couldn't even think about the time of day. I didn't bother to say that I felt dirty, even though they were cleansing me with energy. I was too tired.

Damon and Mariella were in bed. Mimi's condition did not improve. On the contrary, Mimi seemed to be getting weaker, and Damon could not understand why. They had left the medbay every time Mimi fell asleep when her fever started to drop.

They cleansed Mimi with energy, and she received all her IVs. But why did Mimi's strength seem to be waning? She was more tired and not even always able to talk much. Damon and Mariella went out to eat.

Charles, Adam, and the wolves were eating. Damon asked Charles, thinking that he hadn't noticed everything when Damon described to Charles how Mimi was doing and how it had actually gone downhill and not improved.

Charles looked at Damon for a moment and then lowered his eyes and sighed. He said,

"I have to go there. Either of you better cover me so I can be with Mimi. Look, Damon, remember at the very beginning when Mimi got that infection and went into a coma, and you called us? We picked Mimi up in California, took her to bed, held her, put her in our arms, and put her to sleep. She started responding within a couple of days.

It looks like Mimi is going to need another round of close care. I just need some real protection so I can hold Mimi in my arms and make her feel safe again. That's right, all these years Mimi still has a strong need to feel safe, and once I can make her feel that way, her condition should start to improve. Once we've eaten, then you can protect me. That's why we always fuck her into shape, not for the sex alone, but so she can rest without the nightmares. She hasn't slept in months. We've fucked, but she hasn't fallen asleep on me when she's just been. "

Damon felt like an idiot, not knowing that Mimi still needed to be cuddled. He should have remembered, but when was the last time he even held Mimi in his arms so she fell asleep? The way Charles told him they'd fucked and Mimi had collapsed on top of him again made bile rise in Damon's mouth, and he couldn't understand why.

Then he remembered how wonderful it was to feel Mimi's happiness, to hold her in his arms. To feel her enjoying herself so immensely. And if Mimi hadn't slept in months, it meant only one thing: nightmares, but Damon knew he wouldn't have easy access to them.

Mariella wrapped herself around Damon as he took the dishes away. She said, "Damon, you know what you have to do. Are you ready?"

Damon said,

" I wonder if it would be better for you to protect Charles? You seem to be better at this."

Mariella sighed in Damon's ear.

" No, Damon, we are not taking Charles. Remember, you are Mimi's protector, Mimi's safety. Show her that you still are. Don't let Charles get in the way of this now, too. I know you're upset about what Charles told you, but this is your chance. I know you want and need to do this. I know you do. You're Mimi's husband, protector, alpha male—all of it. Show the pack and Charles. "

Damon asked, " Are you sure you want me to be in bed with Mimi for hours on end?"

Mariella nodded.

She said,

"I'll always help out where needed, and you can have breaks for the two of us. But you have to do this. Mimi needs to start to understand to trust us. "

They left for medbay, showtime.

The power couple came again, well fine, we'll be up for a while. Fucking nightmares. I had just managed to calm myself down when Damon and Mariella walked in. Damon came to my bedside.

I thought to myself in my head that it was time for another round of doctors. He laid the board down, sat up, and looked at me.

He said,

"Charles told me you still want to be cuddled. Is that it, baby? Is that why you don't really get better when you can't be cuddled? You could have a say in it, but then again, it's not your style. But now, baby, we'll go to bed together; I'll come next to you and hold you against me the old-fashioned way, and then we'll see if that helps. Mariella's orders, she actually wants to see this. No objections, but from now on, I'll remember this and make sure you're safe. "

I was silent. Now, I couldn't know at all if Damon would be safe anymore. But I was so exhausted and couldn't think anymore, so let's try it now. What's left to lose?

Damon took off his shirt and made up another slightly bigger bed. He said to Mariella,

"Darling, I know you don't sleep much, but try it sometime with Charles. Let him take you in his arms, then the same way I'm about to take Mimi and get you to sleep. It could be quite an experience. Yes, you know if I take you in my arms, then you and I won't sleep. "

Damon came over to me and unhooked the tubes but left the cannulas and said,

" If this works, you'll get a good bath somewhere in between. But now baby, now you get to sleep."

He lifted me into his arms, and I couldn't say anything.

He lowered me into the bigger bed on one side, came over from the other, and lifted his side up. Then he picked me up and laid me against him so I could hear those familiar heartbeats, smell the passionfruit, and feel him holding me against him and stroking me.

It had been so many years since I had last been like this. It seemed to work as I felt the safety starting to come. I fell asleep within minutes.

Mariella watched Damon first soothed Mimi a little, make the bed for them, and lifted Mimi into it. How incredibly gentle, he held Mimi tightly against him, and Mimi was asleep within minutes—still holding on to Damon.

Mariella thought for a moment about what Damon had said and called Charles to the medbay. It was important for him to see her, too. Mariella went to Charles and said,

"Charles, look at those two. Would you make me sleep against you? I haven't slept terribly much, and it might do me good. There's another bed over there. "

Charles grunted and watched as Mimi slept soundly in Damon's arms. Charles picked Mariella up, took off his shirt, took his protégé against him tightly, and started humming an old lullaby. Mariella fell asleep within ten minutes feeling a whole different kind of safe, and now she realized maybe what Mimi was missing.

After a couple of days, Damon could feel Mimi starting to improve slowly. She was sleeping against him in as deep a healing sleep as she could. And she held on. A couple of times, when he had gone out with Mariella to eat and play, Mimi had woken up and only fell asleep when he returned to Mimi's side. The antibiotic was starting to work better, but Mimi still had a fever. They hadn't yet washed Mimi with anything but energy because she needed all the rest she could get.

Mariella had slept in Charles' arms for 12 hours and had had wonderful dreams. It had been perfect. Damon took a break every 12 hours, took a shower, and they fucked for two hours. Then, it was time to go back to close care.

Charles was waiting for his turn, and Mariella saw it. Charles was occasionally near the medbay, waiting for Damon to say he could go to Mimi. As Mimi got better, Damon took slightly longer breaks, 4 hours each time with Mariella, because he wanted to be with Mariella and fuck and decompress.

The breaks got longer, so eventually, Damon just put Mimi to sleep and got up. Mimi had now been in recovery for two weeks. She was pretty much in Damon's arms for a week, but this second week, almost all by herself. Damon hadn't even intervened yet in the nightmares. He knew this rest would help Mimi move forward again.

I woke up again. I knew I was feeling better and the disease would probably be over soon. I just couldn't understand my hallucinations in the dark when I had a fever. I had woken up in the dark medbay alone, and Charles and Adam's wolves were watching me from the floor, gritting their teeth, ready to attack. I managed to wake myself up properly, and the vision disappeared.

I had been having this vision for a week now. Damon was next to me for a few more hours, just long enough for me to fall asleep. At first, he had been there almost all the time, but as I seemed to get better, the number diminished rapidly.

Well, soon, I'd be out of there once this damn fever and weakness went away. I stayed up till morning when Damon and Mariella came in. Damon looked a little guilty when he noticed I'd been up for a while.

I said to Damon, "You can stay with Mariella now. I am recovering nicely. As I said, Charles and Adam will put me right when I am no longer contagious. Thank you very much indeed. It was lovely."

Damon replied, "No problem. I should have remembered that safety concern of yours in the first place. Why are you awake? Weren't you asleep?"

I was silent for a moment, wondering if I should tell.

I decided to say, "A nightmare or Well yeah, first it's a nightmare, and then when I wake up, I have a momentary hallucination. I don't sleep after that. I've had it for a week now. "

I was silent and watched as Damon furrowed his brows and came over to me. He looked me over and said,

"Baby, when was the last time you drank blood? I know my blood has been among the visceral mush, but when was the last time you yourself ate?"

I wondered and started calculating. I didn't eat during platinization. oh yeah, I replied,

"A couple of months, I didn't eat during platinization and not since, but I don't even have a bloodlust."

Damon went over to Mariella and took her a little further away.

"darling, Mim currently has 5.6 liters of blood in her. She has no bloodlust whatsoever. Now, when we take vampire blood counts soon, then don't be surprised because that lady is so badly vampiric anemic I've never seen. I guess some men have been hungry. I could have sworn Mimi's nightmares were about two gentlemen who had been secretly feeding on the lady and a lot. Especially Charles. So much that Mimi doesn't even want blood. Lord knows Mimi's bloodlust is pretty non-existent anyway, then there's this."

Mariella was shocked. They had worked to get Mimi well, and then two leeches go and drink her nearly dry, no more. Mariella put a spell on Mimi that she couldn't eat from this until Damon gave the go-ahead. She went to yell at Adam and Charles, who were in a cocky bastard mood. When they had to have Mimi's blood after all the drinking they'd done. Mimi is so tasty.

Mariella went back to the medbay in a huff. "Damon, I went to yell at those two, and they didn't even apologize. They started whining at me when I announced not to drink Mimi. Let them drink the fuck out of each other."

Damon hugged Mariella and said, "Darling, you sure know how to rant. But fine. Mimi's going to have more blood in the visceral mush now. She'll be fine in a minute, but for now, we're going to give her a wash. This is quite a job, you'll see."

But Damon didn't have time to wash Mimi when Mariella took Damon to the bedroom for a couple of hours, which lasted for 24 hours. And for two. Fine, Adam and Charles could finish Mimi.

Damon explained what the nightmares were about, put more blood in the visceral soup, and went to fuck. Adam and Charles came to discharge me after three days when the fever stopped rising. I didn't say anything to either of them, not to anyone. I took a shower and ate.

Then I went to the SPA ward and stayed there for 6 hours, washing and soaking myself. Eventually, I ended up in one of the bedrooms, getting dressed and watching Marvel movies. It was good to recover in the nest, as it always is. These medical problems were just another dick every time I got to be in recovery.

I just tried not to think about the triple shells Damien was shoving into me. This would be my everyday life for a long time, and I would just have to get used to the fact that I was no longer the strongest of the pack or at least the most invincible.

Once again, I had to rely on myself. Damon got me through the worst, and if it weren't for the infections, it would have been Charles. Nightmares had been a part of my life the entire time I'd been supernatural.

It's apparently the price I pay for being immortal. I had to have some problems, and the nightmares were them. Damon had at one time alleviated them with his telepathy, but again, it's been so many years, and I've been through so much again that I always get material for my nightmares. And I don't tell anyone, not unless I have to.

I just have to accept my weaknesses and can't turn them into strengths. I just can't. Charles and Mariella became very close during that time when Charles put Mariella to sleep. Yes, I know what it's like to feel the protector next to you. Why can't Charles be mine and Damon be Mariella's? Then everything would be fine. Then, my protector's priority would really be me. Not just a duty.

But my life is what it is, and I am chaos. I just have to adjust and try to find things to do. I don't want to be with men now. They went to the wolves and Mariela. They're having another group session. Like I said. They're all energy beings, lust packs. I'm not one of them. I'll never be one of them.

I know that chaos can never be an energy being, so I am different, I will never be one of them. But thankfully, the years have taught me to be strong and independent. One that can take care of itself because otherwise, it wouldn't work.