Disclaimer:

Naruto Dudes, I am dazzling the Shinobi world with Potter Magic, for free of course.

Previous:

Suspiciously she asked: "Powers? What powers do you have kid?"

That is a trick question, my normal response would be a nicely trimmed poodle, but… she is called the Slug Queen, I can let her vomit slugs for five minutes, no, that still gives her the possibility to hurt me. Another option is to turn her into a big slug, she does have a temper though, I doubt I will survive that. Hmm, what to do?

4 To the Ninja Academy!

There are so many things I can show, and even more, I need to hide, like my pocket space and transfigurations. If they ever find out I made those blades myself, then they will shove me in a room with a stack of metal. Changing her into an animal is out too, that is my hidden trump against Kage-level opponents. I better warn her and ask her not to kill me.

"I am afraid you are going to hurt me, Aunty, I heard you have a bad temper, if I show you my Magic, you are going to be very mad at me. Do you promise not to hurt me?" I had to get myself some life insurance, that woman doesn't have a power limiter, and today might be my last one.

She huffed: "What can a brat like you do to me?"

I shrugged: "I don't know, maybe I can let you run to me like, as you said, 'a mindless Bimbo'?"

She grabbed me again, lifted me from the ground, and began shaking me: "That was you, little bastard? I was winning my game! And you made me lose it."

I had enough of her manhandling me, I petrified her, changed her outfit into a Masochist black leather costume, complete with a hood that shut all her senses off. Zippers are placed to open holes at her eyes, nose, ears, and mouth. The ball gag made her finally shut up. The outfit… the tiny outfit, to be honest, it was nothing more than some leather straps, was completed with some nipple clamps and some Japanese bondage ropes.

I took a few paces back to admire my work, I had been practicing this for Cat San, that bitch was always slapping me. I am happy with the result, I thought about it, but tying her on a rack would be too much.

I offered: "If someone wants to take a paddle and spank some common sense in her, be my guest."

Shikaku said: "Suddenly I don't want to be here, Naruto Kun, I think you should have done something different to show your abilities. I will return tomorrow if your house is still in one piece."

One by one those chicken shits bailed on me! I zipped her ears and eyes open and said: "Nod yes if you want to be released without killing me, nod no if you want to spend the rest of the day like this on the marketplace with a set of paddles and a sign that said Spank Me!"

OK… now she is trying to kill me with her eyes, I got it! First I snapped a picture of her in this outfit, changed everything back to normal, and obliviated the last five minutes from her mind. Then I stood before her and conjured a bouquet of flowers.

"Here you go Aunty, my Magic is neat isn't it?" I said with my most innocent face.

"I am not impressed, little boy, if that is all you can do, then you better stick with Chakra." Commented Tsunade. "You better prepare for the Academy."

I mocked her; "You are joking, right? Everything they are teaching to Karin Chan, we learned last year already. That Academy is useless. Even if I had to teach myself I would be better off. What do you think we need you for? To drink all our booze?"

"I don't like to be manipulated, kid and you are walking a thin line here. Do you expect me to barge into the Hokage's office and lay down the law? There is more to it than that, and you know it." she shot back, "Do you want me to face Danzo alone? Are you going to help? What are you going to do? Give him some flowers?"

"I already done more than I had to, Aunty, to survive in those hell holes you call orphanages, I made life bearable for the rest of the kids." I answered, then I pointed at her: "While you were wallowing in self-pity and alcohol, and Jiraiya was spying on naked women, Orochimaru has been experimenting on Konoha children, I am not talking of one or two, or even a dozen, but HUNDREDS! With full support of Danzo."

I shook my head: "And you wonder why everyone hates the Hidden Leaf, our bosses are deranged lunatics or pathetic losers."

Why am I ranting? The other villages are the same, it seems when you unlock your Chakra, you get hit with the crazy stick. Trying to survive this madness is the best I can hope for, and knowing what is coming for us, chances for survival are slim to none. I can't even chase skirts, girls are yucky for another eight years... My life sucks.

Xxxxx

Shikaku returned the next morning, and looked around to check for damage, then he inspected me. He asked: "How did you survive, Naruto Kun? There is no way Tsunade Sama would take it without repercussions."

I shrugged: "I gave her a bouquet of flowers and she forgot about it all. Girls like flowers, you know."

The door of my house slammed open, and Tsunade got thrown back out by the wards, she stormed back in, yelling: "You shitty Brat!" the wards shucked her out again, this time a bit farther away. She didn't learn her lesson and stormed back in, "When I am done with you they will have to scrape you from the floor, you dirty rascal!" this time she ended up outside the village.

I smiled at Shikaku: "I think I'll stay home for a few days until Aunty cools off, is that alright with you, Shikaku Sama?"

Shikaku nodded: "That would be best, Naruto Kun, I am surprised she didn't do this yesterday."

I grinned: "Nah, she just found out that she can't hold her liqueur for longer than a minute. Magic, you know."

Understanding showed on Shikaku's face: "Make it two weeks, Naruto Kun, Tsunade Sama holds grudges longer than a Uchiha. Ah, she is back."

Outside the mansion, Tsunade was pumping her Chakra into her fist and released a devastating attack on the Mansion. My wards could barely hold it, when she prepared for a second attack, I had to intercept her or my home would be reduced to rubble.

One of my clones, who came out of the pocket dimension to check out what was causing it to almost collapse, saw what was happening, rushed outside, and took the hit. When it disappeared with a wisp of smoke, Tsunade cooled down.

"Since when did you learn to make Shadow Clones, Shitty Brat?" she asked, still raging mad.

Angry, I went outside and answered with a question: "Since when are you into killing children, Shitty Aunt? If this was me I would be dead by now. Are you willing to kill someone because you can't drown your sorrow with booze? Well, I got news for you! The orphanages are filled with people that lost their relatives! I even never met mine, so boohoo if you lost a brother and a fiancee, do you think you are the only one that got hurt? Do you see me getting drunk and throwing my money away? Do this village a favor and grow up stupid cunt, or kill yourself."

Shit, I am ranting again, it did cool her down though… damn, now she is getting depressed, she got down on her knees and got tears in her eyes, I stopped her: "Hold the waterworks stupid bint, your time for mourning has long past its expiration date. It is time to get off your Fat ass and do something with your life."

Tsunade's head snapped up: "Did you just call me Fat, shitty Brat? Do it again and it will take a month before anyone will recognize you again, when I am done with you…"

I interrupted: "Yeah, yeah, I am scared, you terrified me with those treats, I will never say that you have a Fat ass again, you warned me loud and clear, I lay off the Fat ass jokes for now. Tell me when I can start on it again though, Fat ass jokes are a good way to make a woman mad."

When Chakra started to gather on her fist, I jumped behind Shikaku, "Shikaku Sama, she won't listen to me, can you talk some sense into her?"

Shikaku paled, suddenly he found himself in the line of fire, he tried to calm Tsunade down, "Tsunade Sama, try to see reason, Naruto Kun has grown up in orphanages and doesn't have social skills yet. We have tried to educate him these last few months."

I looked at Tsunade from behind Shikaku and said: "I am sorry, Aunty. I didn't mean that you have a Fat ass, maybe it is just the dress that makes it look like that."

Shikaku grabbed me and Shunshinned away with me, followed by a mad Senju woman. The bitch chased us for an hour before she gave up.

Shikaku sighed: "You have to think about the consequences before you open your mouth, Naruto Kun. It will get you killed one day."

I nodded: "I did think about it Shikaku Sama, now Tsunade Sama knows that nobody will feel sorry for her because she lost someone. This village is littered with those. She will focus on what is important or kill herself. Both options are an improvement for the village."

It isn't in my previous world, they have councilors for that, in this village? Like I already said they kill people like we swat flies.

Xxxxx

It took a few weeks for Tsunade to cool down and the clan kids to return to their lessons. I took that time to fortify my home, now it can stand three hits from Tsunade. Another positive evolution is that the Fox stopped growling at me and just listened to my stories. I bet it will take a few years for him to talk to me. Meh, I have time.

Tsunade got off her Fat ass and started training Medical-Nins in the hospital. Karin's mother, as one of her best students, learned the Mystical Palm as a substitute for letting her Chakra sucked. Tsunade got mad at me again when she wanted to push her idiotic four rules for Medical Nin on the village.

I explained my view, "Come on, Tsunade Sama, no medical-nins on the battle lines? They are needed there to apply first aid! You need to train more Genin to administer first aid. Each team must have one or two that have some knowledge about it."

I mocked her: "That rule that they only may enter the battlefield after they learned the Strength of a Hundred Technique? Medical-nins are needed on the battlefield to heal, not to fight or win it. They need to know enough Ninjutsu to defend themselves, that is all. You are crippling the village with those rules."

Tsunade turned to Shikaku: "Why am I coming to these meetings again, Shikaku? Because every time I have to hold myself back to kill that shitty Brat."

Shikaku sighed: "What a drag, You coming here Tsunade Sama is to see reason. Like Naruto Kun just said although he could do that more tactfully. As he explained, we need Medical-nin on the battlefield and more Genin trained in first-aid. Your four rules are unreasonable, and will cause more deaths than it will save lives in the long run."

Tsunade glared at me and asked: "And you think you know better than me, little Shit?"

I shrugged: "Being the strongest doesn't make you the smartest, or make everything you do the right choice, Aunty. It makes you better at forcing your opinions onto others, be them wrong or right."

Burn! She looked as if she sucked on a lemon. But, if life gives you lemons, just hope you are in a Fan Fiction, it makes a world of difference. It does for me.

Xxxxx

Interacting with all the kids did Hinata well, she is more confident, especially after the Hyuga removed those Curse Seals from their clan members. I admit, a few Imperio's helped speed up that decision. But the kid is happy now and more confident. Sasuke is a happy bloke too, he is still thinking his brother is the reincarnation of the Shinobi God and worships the ground he walks on. Meh, it is a bro crush.

Hmm? Sakura is here too? When did she sneak in? Who sneaked her in? Worse! Why does she have doe eyes at me? I am her prey now?… Ino? Es Tu? Why the fuck am I attracting the attention of those kids? Crap, those Clan mothers are planning for the future, and Sasuke isn't the Prince anymore, I am the prime piece of beef in their territory.

I solved it by talking about science and mathematics, no girl, no matter their age wants to feel they are stupid, a week later I could hang out with the guys again… those little bastards avoiding me too? What did I do? Ah, they don't like to feel stupid too. It backfired, go figures.

"Karin Nee Chan? The other kids don't like me, can I play with you?" I asked with puppy eyes, yes, I have a set of those.

"Sure, Naruto Chan, after I complete my Fuinjutsu homework," she answered smiling.

"I can help you with that Karin nee-chan! Here, you missed a line here, and here, oh there that is completely wrong! You have to start from this side and…"

"Go away, Naruto!" Karin grumbled "Smart ass."

Depressed I went to Kamiko Akimichi, Aunty Cook, and complained: "The kids hate me, Aunty, can you teach me to cook?"

"Sure, Naruto Kun, here clean these vegetables, like this." Kamiko showed me how to clean and cut the vegetables, and went back to her counter.

I inspected the vegetables, waved my hand and all the vegetables were cleaned and cut. "I am done, Aunty. What can you teach me next?"

She banned me from the kitchen! Something about me getting her depressed! Can you believe that? If this continues, then I am going to say Dattebayo every five minutes. Just to annoy them. I passed the time by training with my Shadow Clones, tree walking and water walking were easy, shuriken and kunai throwing were good, I could hit the bullseye nine out of ten and four out of ten with the moving targets.

I improved most in Fuinjutsu, storage scrolls for food and weapons, explosive seals, barrier seals, I combined them with my runes, although my Runes are too powerful, paper can't hold them long. That is the difference between Runes and Fuinjutsu, Runes are more permanent. A storage seal is good as long as the paper doesn't get wet and the seals get blurry.

The backpack I created is extended to the max, with several compartments I could store ten years' worth of food and enough weapons to supply an army. A wizarding tent, a half dozen of them, are in there too, hundreds of sets of ward stones to secure an area to camp, clothes, cooking gear, you name it and I have it in my backpack. Even a lifelike hugging pillow, Cat San slapped the back of my head when she noticed that it resembled her. That bitch can't recognize a compliment even when it slaps her in the face.

For the Academy, I prepared a few side pockets, a belt pocket for shuriken and on the other side one for Kunai, the pocket connected to my thigh, is for the food and miscellaneous stuff, like paper and pens.

Xxxxx

Finally! Our academic life begins! The road to glory! The way to get immortality! The path to Fame and Fortune! The route to eternal… boredom. Yeah, they don't teach rocket science to six-year-olds, even simple math is bloody hard for them.

Hmm? Mizuki sensei? Imperio and spill your guts to Shikaku Sama. Hello, Iruka Sensei. Right, as if I let that bitter man ruin my fun… boredom. The sad part? I warded the whole academy, now students feel compelled to do their best and to study hard. Even Shikamaru can't fall asleep in class anymore. The training field got the same treatment, from day one, the kids trained like crazy. Maybe I exaggerated a bit.

My animagus form still sucks, as a bird, it translated that I am a chick with hardly any feathers. To be useful I have to wait until I am fifteen or so. To pass the time, I studied herbology and zoology and tried to recreate the potions from the wizarding world. Now that was fun! I never knew that I would miss the exploding cauldrons, but it brought some nostalgia back.

I succeeded in creating some potions to heal burn wounds and remove the scars, energy boosters, bone knitters to heal broken bones, wound knitting potions, to name a few. I gave the recipes to Ino Yamanaka's Dad, they are the clan that cultivates flowers, herbs, and poisons, so they fit somehow. I had fun explaining why they needed to stir clockwise or anti-clockwise, or why some herbs need to be picked on a full moon. Ino was mad at me when I said some herbs must be picked by a young girl at midnight. She should be glad I didn't command she should sing a song while doing it.

Anyway, the sparring matches were horrible for me. Now that the secret of my Shadow Clones is out, I had to provide them, and the kids were ordered to kill them if they could. My poor clones had to avoid shuriken, kunai, and all kinds of slashing and stabbing weapons.

Taijutsu training was bad too, those little shits targeted my eyes and throat, the little bitches targeted little Dude every time on a spar. Even soft Hinata turned into a raging wildcat when she faced my Shadow Clone. Her Gentle Fist doesn't feel gentle at all when she hits my Chakra pathways and the Teketsu. I am scared the most of the maniacal grin on her face when she beats the crap out of my Clone, and the fist pump when she knocks it into vapor. The bad part? I got to experience the treatment when the Clone dissipated. My life sucks.

It sped up training, somehow they discovered my pocket space and the six clones that were training in them, ergo, now those blasted kids had six sparring partners to pummel down. It turned the kids into bloodthirsty maniacs.

Tsunade took her revenge on me by doing a demonstration session and beating the crap out of my clone, and lecturing the little monsters on how to prevent the clone from dispersing. She hasn't forgiven me yet for that sobering spell I used on her. It did her good though, a lot of Genin from the Genin-corps are trained in basic First Aid, and sent on missions with regular teams, that information didn't help for the beating I got at the moment, but it got my mind of anticipating the memories of that Clone when it vaporizes.

My turn came when the Rope Escape Technique was taught, it was my time to shine! A simple vanishing on the rope and I was free, I tied the little bastards up like a sausage and let them suffer for hours while I took a nap. Well, life was lighting up, it was good to be me again.