Disclaimer:

Naruto Dudes, it is bloody hard to make this into a Harem story, I remember from my time at six and seven years old I just found out that girls don't have wiwis, by the time these child ninjas know what to do with the opposite gender, it will probably at the 400K words Mark. Meh, as long as I have fun writing it, who cares?

Previous:

I went to a tree and shouted: "Thank you for babysitting us Dog Anbu and Cat San! I didn't see you guys at all! Very stealthy."

I had to dodge some kunai, but it was worth it.

7 Improvements?

I better not mention something to the Root who tried to stay hidden, I just casually waved at them, that will get Danzo throwing a tantrum. That poor man is so desperate to stay in the shadows that he stands out more than if he would stay in the sunlight.

The next day, the Clan heads came to my place for a meeting to discuss the new addition to Konoha. The kids came along, they went straight to my pocket dimension to do some Naru Chan hunting, Choji and I had to talk to the grown-ups though. I popped a bunch of Shadow Clones and went to the meeting.

Shikaku started the meeting: "We can say that the trip was a big success, Not only did they bring Isobu, the Three-tailed beast into the village, they also acquired the Chameleon clan summon."

Shikaku looked at Choji: "Choji, can you tell Isobu he is welcome in our village?"

Choji answered: "He heard you, Shikaku Sama, he said that this seal is the best he encountered yet… Wait a bit, I am going to try something."

Choji concentrated, and a murky green/gray glow came out Choji when Isobu took his body over, weird, that is one ugly tail! Well, I might as well let Kurama do the talking.

Kurama turned to Isobu and said, "My color is prettier than that dishwater glow of yours."

Isobu huffed: "What? Is this a beauty contest? At least they don't see me coming from five miles away." Isobu looked at Shikaku and nodded: "Thank you for inviting me into your village, Shikaku San, I hope you can do the same for some of our other brothers and sisters. I mean giving them a better seal, most of us are in small rooms, chained down or worse."

Kurama nodded and said: "Shukaku, our one-tail brother has it bad, he is sealed with a malfunctioning seal that is driving him and his Jinchuriki mad. Also, we are hunted by an organization that wants to combine us into the Ten Tails."

Fukagu Uchiha asked: "What can you tell us about them, Kurama san? We never heard a thing about that group."

Kurama carefully answered: "I have this knowledge from Naruto's vision of a possible future. A lot of that future is changed already due to the actions of his father's spirit. That future projected that your oldest son will be tricked by Danzo and your countermeasures to revolt against the slandering of your Clan by Danzo. That would result in the total destruction of the Uchiha clan with the exception of your two sons. This is just one example that this possible future is changed."

Kurama looked at Fukagu and continued: "Yes it changed, and you changed, your clan is well respected and you are not bitter about the slander. Your oldest son is still a bit unstable and is easily manipulated by Danzo and the Hokage. In that possible future, your oldest son would join the Akatsuki, nevertheless, they exist."

Kurama explained: "That group is led by Nagato, again a failure of the Konoha leaders. It all comes back to the Hokage, Danzo, and the Sannin. Nagato was trained by Jiraiya after the third war because of a sense of misplaced guilt. Then Nagato is currently fooled by Obito Uchiha, who is pretending to be Madara Uchiha, and Obito is fooled by Madara Uchiha, then Madara Uchiha is fooled by white Zetsu, who is fooled by Black Zetsu. Black Zetsu is a residue of Kaguya that was left behind on this planet when she was banished to the Moon, she however, is a lowly member of her race to be sacrificed by her own people."

Don't laugh! I did not make this crap up! You can see it as the desperate ways of the scenario writers to make new plot lines, if you see all these plot lines in a row then these ninjas are blind fools. Kurama didn't even mention the bloody zombies Orochimaru would dig up.

I took over from Kurama before he told them that I was going to marry Hinata, which would get Hiashi Hyuga's loincloth in a twist… there is no way I am going to marry that crazy kid! Gentle fist? My ass, those fists hurt like a bitch when she hit my clones, even when I numb their nerve ends, and currently, she is not happy with me. It looks like they got my last Clone.

Suddenly the door of our meeting room got kicked open. On the doorstep were three girls, bruised up, clothes torn, and with a burning hate in their eyes. Hate that is directed at me for some reason.

Innocently I asked: "Hinata Chan, Ino Chan, Sakura Chan, how was the Naru Chan Hunt today?"

With a raging scream they attacked, shuriken and Kunai bounced off my hastily erected shield, they jumped over the table and before they could reach me the Wards ejected them out… way out… right out of the village.

Shikaku Nara sighed: "What have you done now, Naruto Kun?"

"I will tell you, Father," said Shikamaru from the door, "Naruto San made his Shadow Clones henge into the exact copies of Hinata Chan, Ino Chan, and Sakura Chan. Three of each, and they began to fight the real ones, we could not see who was real and who were the clones, so they ended up fighting by themselves. That would be acceptable, but the clones started to tease and insult them. It got out of hand after that, the real ones started to insult them back, calling them ugly and fat, and those insults were the tame ones."

Shikamaru shook his head and continued: "Once Hinata Chan, Ino Chan, and Sakura Chan realized that they were insulting themselves they lost it. Naruto's Clones were destroyed in less than a minute, you know what happened next, what a complete drag."

On a sign from Shikaku, two Jonin went out to retrieve the kids, while I got the disapproving looks from the fathers. The looks on the mother's faces are telling me that I am in for a lot of pain. The idea of Hedging into copies of the Demon Princesses suddenly isn't so good anymore, although hearing Sakura yelling at herself that she has a fat ass was hilarious. Ino calling herself a stupid Bimbo, or Hinata yelling ugly bitch, made the other boys back off and run for the door.

From there they shivered when they watched how the last clone met his end. They ripped the clothes off from Sakura Clone until the only thing she wore was a panty with a nine-tailed fox on the rear. When they spotted the fox on the panty, they froze and slowly turned their heads to the boys, the Clone heard them ask "Did you see?" then he got a Kunai stabbed in his head. I had to key them into my wards, the girls got kicked out of the village every time they saw me in my mansion.

Finally, they cornered me at the academy, Hinata said: "Naruto, if you dare to Hedge in us again, we will make the rest of your short life very miserable, but you have to be punished for last time, oh, yes you have to."

I better not describe my punishment, Sakura was extra mean to me. Bloody scary kids. No comments on that! I had to let those girls have their revenge or it would have festered into a feud, or a beating from their mothers.

The meeting? The clan heads went to the Hokage with the new information, I let them deal with it, after all, I am almost seven, not seventy. Let them deal with that bunch of madness.

Xxxxx

Academy life went up a nudge, the kid's Chakra control improved a lot, they are on water walking now, that was hilarious, seeing a bunch of kids standing on the water of my pool for a few seconds and getting dunked was fun. After two hours those kids were shivering and soaking wet to the bone.

I had to take a beating from all the kids when I demonstrated that you could learn it on a puddle of water in a tub and get your feet wet at most.

I protested at that last beating though: "Beat your bloody Sensei up for that! He could have told you that too! Or your parents could have shown you how to make your body and clothes waterproof with Chakra."

Hinata grabbed me by the neck and choked me, she yelled: "They told us you would teach us that, you Baka!"

Huh? Since when am I their teacher? Where is my paycheck? Those lazy bums from the academy drafted me to teach these monsters? Air… Oxygen… crazy bitch is trying to kill me… Mum? Dad? Granny? I saved myself with a shield, gasping for air I told them: "I am not your bloody teacher! At most, I show you how I do my stuff. If you want to learn something, ask your fucking teachers, those work-shy punks are getting paid for that!"

With that of my chest, I said: "Instead of using Chakra on your feet, use Chakra on your whole body to push the water away from you… Do that at home in your bathroom you fools!"

The only one without their clothes ripped off was Shikamaru, the worst ones were the three monsters, butt naked they were grabbing for their clothes. I did a fast reparo on their clothes and made a run for it. I spend the rest of the day taking my revenge on the Academy teachers, doing the switching spell on their clothes while invisible. I had mercy on myself and let them keep their underwear.

The kids learned water walking and keeping their clothes dry eventually, now they are on Ninjutsu, you know, the Ninja Magic? They were training their hand seals like zealots, Hinata was the first with water bullets, Ino followed with Sakura. Their goal? Getting Baka San wet. Yeah, I degraded from Naru Chan to Baka San. My sign I AM THE REAL ONE! Became useless, they were searching for it to get the REAL ONE soaked.

Xxxxx

I made a contract with the Chameleon clan, along with some of the Jonin of our village. After I showed them how to divert light around them, the Jonin got the approval of the Chameleons too. Added with my Magic, I gave Dog Anbu and Cat Chan the slip every two days, it drove them up the wall when they lost me again. Danzo became even more paranoid when his Roots reported my disappearing.

It was time I did something to Orochimaru before he got too far with his research to revive the death. When the tracker on Danzo alerted me he was visiting Orochimaru, I portkey'd a massive paper bomb to their location. There was no escape from it, the bomb started exploding just before arrival and caught them by surprise.

An underground bunker will protect you from outside attacks, but when a bomb explodes inside, it amplifies the effect. It was a bit anti-climactic, the end of two supervillains by a paper bomb. Two down and… how many to go? This place is riddled with bad Dudes and Dudettes! Do I have to solve all the bad stuff? Fuck no! Hmm… maybe one more.

A Nine-Tailed Fox Patronus appeared before a man and said: "Obito Uchiha, betrayer of your team, betrayer of Rin! Betrayer of your Home and family! You are being played by Madara and those Zetsu! Rin sacrificed herself to save her village from a Tailed Beast attack, and you caused one! If Rin was still alive she would hate you and curse you for eternity! Tell Madara that Black Zetsu is setting him up to revive Kaguya!"

A minute later a second Nine-Tailed Patronus arrived: "Yes, you idiot, Madara knew Rin was in danger and waited until it was too late for you to interfere. So don't blame the village or Kakashi for your own idiocy."

I am on a roll now, two minutes later a new Nine-Tailed Patronus yelled at Obito: "And tell those fools from the Akastuki that they are causing wars instead of peace! Capturing the tailed beast will solve nothing. Bringing the Ten-Tails back will sacrifice the lives of everyone on this planet."

Will he believe me? Will he listen to me? Will he change his act? Do I care? It got some results though, now that the worst ones are dead or doubting themselves, we got some peace and quiet.

Xxxxx

Well, I've done it again, the day the Otsutsuki clan arrived to get that Chakra fruit, they got shot out of space by the defense platforms around our planet. Yeah, I combined my Star Trek and Star Wars technology with Magic and Chakra. After that, we hunted them down to the last Dimension they colonized. To cruel? Nah, not compared to them it isn't.

The girls you ask? They ended up as Kage-level Kunoichi, they beat the crap out of everyone that tried to date them. In the end, they cornered me and forced me to marry them.

I would love to say that life is great, but I have my doubts.

Xxxxx

AN:

I have to admit my defeat to the Naruto Dudes. I can not do this story justice, with a story spanning 20 years, I can not cram it into a 100K story. More so that I stopped watching the anime when they began to resurrect the dead. At that time I felt that they lost their last bit of common sense and stopped to care about it. I don't remember much of that Anime, and am too lazy to research it.

As I said, as long as I have fun I will write, my fun changed into a chore, so it is better to end it here.