Chapter 7 - Ten years and counting
Mid March - 36 weeks
It was another cold March morning. The spring of 1969 was slow in arriving.
Shelagh was finishing dressing when she paused in front of the mirror, enchanted by the sight of her body that continued to transform and enlarge every day.
It was amazing! On the one hand, time seemed to have flown by, on the other hand, the moment in which she realized she was pregnant was now a memory that had almost faded over time. She struggled to remember her first reaction, when overcome by fear she had seriously thought about not wanting another child. That creature that was now there, under her hands, wrapped in her womb. That child who she could feel clearly and whose every movement she now recognized as his or her "little habits": the hiccup after each meal, the reflexive startle at the high-pitched voices of his siblings or the pointing of his little foot when he heard Patrick's voice nearby.
She looked at her reflection: she smiled tenderly at the frightened woman, full of doubts and uncertainties and she also smiled fiercely at the bold one, who had been able to find the strength in faith and love to start that new life.
She slowly went downstairs, Sister Julienne should be there any moment now. Although Shelagh went to the Florrie weekly for routine visits, Sister Julienne still stopped by every day for a quick check-up. The attention made her feel loved and in anticipation of the moment that she hoped to be able to share together again.
As she left the toilet after yet another pee, she heard the doorbell ring and was thankful for that perfect timing. Since she was already standing, no further effort would be needed to get up from the armchair again.
"Sister Julienne! Please, come in!" Shelagh welcomed her, letting her in the house.
"How are you feeling this morning?" Sister Julienne asked her.
"Oh…like a giant whale in a goldfish bowl!" she sighed, starting up the stairs.
Sister Julienne laughed, following her.
"And beside that?"
"Besides the shortness of breath, the weight of my belly, the need to go to the bathroom every half hour, the heartburn, not being able to sleep at night, the leg cramps?… I'd say fine," Shelagh replied, struggling to settle herself onto the bed.
"I don't have to tell you that everything is normal, then?"
"Oh Sister Julienne…I know. And I feel so silly for complaining like this, but I'm really tired and I can't wait for this baby to be born!"
Meanwhile Sister Julienne proceeded with the visit.
"Well, I'd say it's not long now! This time the baby is in the perfect position and there's a lovely and steady heartbeat," she noted.
Shelagh smiled and breathed a sigh of relief. She knew that everything was going well, but she never got tired of hearing those precise words.
"Are you doing the breathing exercises I recommend?"
"Yes, absolutely! I'm not leaving out a single detail."
"Well!"
"And speaking of details… I'm still considering whether to give birth here or at the Maternity Home, but in any case I would really like you to be at my side as a midwife."
Sister Julienne smiled at her, nodding gratefully.
"It will be a pleasure to be at your side and it will be an immense joy for me to welcome this child when he comes into the world."
"I would also like to ask you for another favor." Shelagh said, holding her hand.
"Anything, my dear."
"If I were to decide to give birth at the Maternity Home, will Patrick and I count on your help with the children while I am hospitalized?"
"Of course, I will take care of them. I was awarded the title of Best Grandma in the world after all!" she reminded her, referring to her portrait signed by the three little Turners that she jealously guarded in her room.
"And you are!" Shelagh confirmed.
"So are you thinking of going to the Maternity Home to have this baby?"
"Well, perhaps for my age it would be better... you know, if there should be any problem for me or the baby, you would have everything you need to..."
She couldn't finish her sentence, Sister Julienne took her hand and squeezed it tightly and said: "Shelagh! Everything is going to be fine! Stop with these negative thoughts! You've had a problem-free pregnancy, you are perfectly healthy, the baby is strong... there is really no reason to think about these things! Please, promise me that you will make your choice based on what makes you feel most comfortable and not out of fear that something might go wrong!"
With teary eyes, Shelagh nodded.
"Come on, I'll help you get up, let's go back downstairs. Maybe I could make some tea? What do you think?"
"...All right. Even if more tea means more pee," she said once standing.
"Of course, but you have to drink a lot to counteract retention and prevent your ankles from swelling."
"Patrick tells me this at least ten times a day!" she snorted.
"Patrick is right, my dear."
"But he knows very well that he should be a husband and not a doctor to me!"
"Well, I imagine that the reason why he's telling you this is precisely because he is an attentive and caring husband." she added, smiling.
"It is. And for ten years...today would be our tenth wedding anniversary"
"Would or is?"
"It is, but with all the things to do, the children and all our daily chaos we didn't even exchange greetings this morning. To be honest, I don't even know if Patrick remembers…he seems so distracted lately."
"Maybe he's just a little tired, surely the imminent arrival of the baby will have an effect on him too…"
The truth was different, but she had too much respect for Dr. Turner to tell her more. She imagined that he would do it himself shortly. She knew Patrick remembered perfectly what day it was and had prepared a surprise evening for Shelagh. Sister Julienne had no further details, Patrick had simply asked her to keep the children for the evening and she had not hesitated to accept, even offering to let them stay for the night... after all she had to live up to her title.
Sister Julienne left after lunch.
Once she was alone Shelagh returned to sit in the armchair taking the opportunity to do breathing and relaxation exercises.
They worked so well that when Patrick returned home a few hours later, he found her still asleep in the armchair.
He approached without making a sound, holding a beautiful bouquet of flowers in his hands.
"Happy anniversary my love," he whispered in her ear.
Shelagh opened her eyes and saw Patrick standing before her, beaming.
She smiled at him and they exchanged a tender but deep kiss... there were things that couldn't be fully expressed in words.
Shelagh broke the kiss realizing something was unusual
"Patrick, where are the children?"
"Which children?" he teased her.
"Patrick! Didn't you pick up the kids from school?!" she exclaimed almost in shock.
Seeing her get flustered, he couldn't remain serious. He silenced her by giving her a kiss. "Shelagh, the children are with Sister Julienne… because I wanted this evening to be just ours. Well…kind of…" he said, caressing her belly.
She happily smiled…"She was here a few hours ago but she didn't say anything!"
"Because she didn't want to spoil my surprise! I had thought of something special, unique…but given the circumstances we will settle for something more intimate," he announced.
"So she's your accomplice now?"
"And a very good one!"
"What were you thinking? Now I'm curious..."
"It's a secret! My plan has only been postponed..."
"Oh Patrick…" she chuckled.
They exchanged a quick kiss. Then he helped her get up.
While Shelagh was in the bathroom he arranged the flowers in a vase and prepared to have a very special conversation with her that had remained hidden until then.
Shelagh found him leaning on the table. He smiled as he held out his hand.
He seemed tense and Shelagh immediately understood that what was troubling him was not related to the birth of the baby, but something else.
She accepted his hand and let herself be led to the sofa. They sat on the settee, side by side.
"Patrick, what's going on?" she asked him, frightened by the wait.
Him being distant and so concerned over the last few days, combined with that silence, made her think he was hiding a serious problem from her. Some medical condition, maybe? After the train accident she was terrified at the idea that something could happen and she could lose him.
"Shelagh, darling…breathe, please! From the look on your face I can assure you that it is not what you think!" he told her with a smile.
He took two envelopes out of his pocket.
"Open it!" he said, handing her the first one.
"Is this another drawing?" Shelagh asked dumbfounded, thinking that after all, every time they had exchanged an envelope, the contents had always been something immensely precious and beautiful.
"Sort of…"
She took out the letter and saw that it was addressed to the NHS. Then looked at him questioningly without being able to say a word.
"It's my retirement application Shelagh."
"Oh Patrick…but what…?"
"I thought about it for a long time now and you were right about one thing: you can no longer take care of our children and our family on your own…it's just too much."
"Oh Patrick, I didn't mean to say that you don't take care of us…"
"I know, but Shelagh…we have a 20-year-old son, three children under 10 and one about to be born. I will be turning 60 soon and I don't think our family life is any longer compatible with my GP profession. You know well that it's a life without timetables and it's something that I can't and don't want to do anymore. I don't want you to be alone next time one of our children has a fever, or has a nightmare, or when the baby will cry because of colic or when he'll be teething or he'll just need to be changed!".
He paused before going on saying, "And last but not least, Shelagh… I have to be honest with myself and I can't help but think that I might not live long enough to see this child get to Timothy's age that's why…"
"Don't even say it Patrick!" she stopped him abruptly, almost yelling at him. She didn't even want to broach that subject.
"No Shelagh, I know this is very hard but we've got to make sure to talk… but not to be tragic or catastrophic. But to make the right choices. And that's what I hope to have done: I want to be there every day of their lives and I want to be sure I'll give each of our children the best I can for as long as I can. And I want to do it with you!"
Shelagh broke down and fell into tears, Patrick hugged her and held her close trying to soothe her convulsive gasps until he felt her breathing return to normal.
"Better now?" he asked, kissing her head.
She nodded, still between a few sobs.
"Good, because there is another envelope to open…"
"Oh Patrick, have you decided to torture me today?"
He giggled. "You're right darling, forgive me. This might seem like the plan… but trust me, it's not my intention to hurt you. I promise I will make amends later tonight, because I fully intend to show you that I am still incredibly young and capable when necessary."
Shelagh let out a laugh and patted him on the shoulder.
"What is that?" she asked, almost begging him to give her a hint of the contents.
"You know that the municipality has been trying to close the Maternity Home for years now… well, apparently they have issued their sentence: a letter has arrived informing us that the structure will be decommissioned by June."
Shelagh was speechless.
"But…" Patrick added with a clever smile.
"Did you manage to find a way to prevent it?" she asked eager to know what his brilliant mind had made up.
"Kind of…"
"Patrick Turner! Don't keep me on edge or you'll prove your prowess by sleeping on the patio tonight!" Shelagh ordered.
He chuckled and then told her: "Matthew Aylward and I found an interesting compromise. He submitted a purchase offer to the municipality, a significant proposal that could not be refused. Therefore the Maternity Home will be acquired by his company and will continue to exist as a private structure..."
"But Patrick, most people in Poplar can't afford private facilities," she interrupted.
"Come on Shelagh, hear me out! I demanded that the structure continue to take care of those who do not have the financial means to access it. And Matthew has assured me that he will cover the costs with money from the Fiona Aylward fund and he and Trixie will be committed to promoting further charity collections. In short, nothing will change for our patients..."
"Oh Patrick…but it's fantastic!" she said in awe.
"In return for that, I've been asked to take on the role of medical director of the new clinic and I accepted... It will be a temporary commitment, one or maybe two years. It will be mostly office work which will leave me plenty of time to be with you and the kids."
"I…I don't really know what to say Patrick. Perhaps why you didn't tell me about all this before," Shelagh said after remaining silent for a few minutes to process the amount of changes upcoming in their lives he had just presented to her.
She really didn't know how to react: she was happy and relieved but at the same time she felt angry because once again he had kept something so important from her.
"I know and I'm sorry I didn't, believe me! It's not something that made me feel good, but I needed to make this decision on my own, without being influenced... without the whole thing becoming a burden between us."
"But that's a decision that is not just about you! It's about us! How could you…"
"Be honest Shelagh…" he interrupted her. "If I had told you about my idea of applying for retirement, what would you have told me?"
Shelagh thought about it for a few moments and then admitted: "I would have told you not to do it... I would have told you that I could have managed it on my own and that your work was too important for you to take a step back."
"See? You are my wife and I know you way too much not to foresee that you would be willing to sacrifice yourself once more to put me first. And I couldn't do it, you get it? I couldn't let you do that, my love!" he told her warmly, kissing her hand.
"I see. And I thank you. I really don't know how I deserved a man like you!"
She gave him a peck on his cheek and then added "Now help me get up, my bladder is begging for help again... then I'll deal with you: your promise to me was that you would make it up to me, correct?".
And Patrick had studied his path to redemption impeccably.
He first gave her a relaxing treatment, with a hot bath and candle light atmosphere. Shelagh only complained about the fact that she was alone in the tub, but Patrick pointed out that he would hardly be able to fit in at the moment…and above all that even if he did, they would probably be stuck there until someone came to retrieve them. They chuckled together amused at the thought of that image, postponing said experience for someday in the future.
Then it was time for the candlelit dinner, an intimate one with an essential and extremely simple menu that Patrick had provided before returning home. No matter if it wasn't the best dinner they had shared, what mattered was the atmosphere between them. The game of glances, the smiles, the hands touching and the resurfacing memories of those ten years of life together.
Suddenly Patrick got up and approached the record player, took out an LP with a worn case because God only knows how many times they had listened and danced to that song over those years.
As the record began to spin, Patrick approached Shelagh and invited her to dance. She immediately recognized that chord sequence and the warm voice of Elvis Presley singing "Can't help falling in love".
She lay down with her back resting on Patrick's chest, their hands seizing her belly. She closed her eyes as Patrick's warm voice began to echo Presley's.
"Take my hand, take my whole life too 'cause I can't help falling in love with you…", just a perfect synopsis of what their love story had always been.
The vinyl continued to spin even when the stylus no longer had any grooves to read, emitting only an annoying crackling sound. But by now there was no one left in that room.
Upstairs, in the bedroom, there were clothes that began to fall one after the other like autumn leaves.
The silence was interrupted only by the sound of kisses and sighs. Passionate words strangled by groans, names called out making passionate declarations of love. The sighs turned into moans as those two naked bodies became one. Those names previously invoked were now implored, in an almost desperate request building up to a cry of pleasure that echoed throughout the house.
After the storm there was silence. Their satisfied smiles brightened their faces, glancing eyes shining with emotion as they looked at each other with their hands holding tightly.