Ripples

Despite all the dark thoughts that clouded my mind after my last meeting with Itachi, I'm having a blast on my trip to Hokkaido. I'm with my friend Rock Lee who I've known since we were kids. Rock Lee is currently studying environmental sciences in Hokkaido and is a nature fanatic. Hence, everyday has been a series of hikes and treks. I've also had the time of my life going rock climbing and mountain biking. We spent the Christmas in Otaru, enjoying all the local delicacies and I missed Itachi more than anything. Despite being cold as fuck, New Year's in Hokkaido has been one of the best of my life. Rock Lee invited some of his university friends and we all went for the first shrine visit and then forced ourselves to stay awake to see the first sunrise. From there, Lee and I came back to his apartment, and I fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow.

I woke sometime in the evening when my stomach growled and helped myself to some ramen and traditional food that Lee had cooked for us over the course of the New Year, huddled under the kotatsu. My phone is flooded with images of the picturesque prefecture looking like that of a quintessential tourist, but I love it. I've only uploaded a few on my Instagram or shared a few on my wall on Line. I'm currently munching on a packet of potato chips while watching some video on YouTube on my phone. Beside me, Rock Lee is doing something with the DIY mechanical kit I got him for Christmas. He curses again when he's unable to screw on one of the pieces correctly. I offer to help but Lee just shoots me a glare as he goes back to his work.

I shrug as I pop another potato chip in my mouth. My phone chooses that moment to ping. I look at the screen to see the notification.

Uchiha Sasuke has posted a new photo on his wall on Line, it reads.

Immediately, the video and the bag of chips is forgotten as I open Line and go to the Wall. Sasuke has uploaded a family photo in which everyone is seated in a semi-circle. My eyes automatically scan for Itachi and there he is, seated next to his father who's seated to the extreme left, smiling at the camera, his eyes warm and full of happiness. Sasuke is seated on the right, next to his mother who's on the far right of the picture. A young couple flanks over the people who are seated and right in the center, between Itachi and Sasuke, holding one hand each is a child roughly two or three years old. The toddler is all toothy grins at the camera, and he looks adorable.

My gaze lingers on the child for a second. I wonder who these people are before I brush the thought aside, too excited to look at Itachi. I pinch the picture to zoom in on the man who has my heart. I trace the outline of his lips with my finger gently and smile back at his smiling face. I wished him at the stroke of midnight along with Sasuke and they wished me back almost instantly. Sasuke shared a photo of them at the shrine and the jealousy I'd felt at the restaurant reared its ugly head again.

"What are you looking at?" Lee says suddenly, resting his chin on my shoulder and even before my brain can register it; I press the power button of my phone to close it. It's not like Lee doesn't know my preference. It's just that I don't want him to know about Itachi, yet.

Lee rolls his eyes. "Relax! I didn't see anything," he says, moving away to lie down beside me under the kotatsu. I continue staring at him in silence, trying to compose myself. Whether he senses my unease or is just actually bored, he chirps a second later, "Wanna play Jenga!"

My relief is almost palpable when I jump up and mimic an animated "punch in the air" motion, making him roll his eyes once again as he proceeds to pull out the box of tiles and ten minutes later, both of us get to the Herculean task of saving the tower from toppling over, Itachi and all my clouded feelings taking the backseat for a change.

There is just something very disheartening about going to classes after a week of vacation. I drag my bike and my feet to my classes on Monday, my feelings as dark and unmotivated as the overcast sky. My ear pods are connected to my phone and blaring one of my favorite tunes but not even that can help lift my spirits an inch. The funny thing is, my mood has nothing and everything to do with Itachi. I didn't want these vacations to end. But ever since I got back from Hokkaido, I've not even seen a glimpse of that man. I've already gone past his shop twice under the pretext of giving him the souvenirs I bought in Hokkaido, but his shop has stayed closed and now I think Itachi withdrawals are beginning to set in. If I don't see him soon, I don't know what I'll do.

I sigh gloomily as I park my bike near the library and lethargically move towards the building where I have my Japanese Conversation class. I'm so out of it that I almost bump into a guy in a red sweatshirt, speeding by on his bike.

"Sorry!" I call out to the tiny Japanese boy who nods back in acknowledgment before hurrying off for his class.

"Dude! You're going to kill someone," Kiba says, placing a casual arm around my neck as we wait for the sliding doors of the building to open.

"Happy New Year to you too," I say as Kiba cackles, making me smile despite my shitty mood. In a very short span, I've come to like Kiba a lot. Though he's also a classmate from the same university, we've never had a chance to interact much. But here, we hang out a lot and I love his company. He's grown to be one of my closest friends since I came here.

"So, what's given you your own personal dark cloud?" Kiba asks with his arm still glued to my shoulder as he smoothly maneuvers us to the designated classroom like an expert. He only lets me go once we enter the classroom. Our professor is already present in the class, waiting for us to settle down as he shuffles some papers and studies some notes.

I sigh again. "It's nothing," I say, sitting down and opening my book.

Kiba chuckles unwilling to be deterred. "Aww, is our little blondie in love?" he asks, teasingly.

I shoot him my deadliest glare while my ears turn hot. "Knock it off!" I tell him, warningly.

Kiba shrugs, knowing better to let it go this time than push his luck. He opens his textbook and smacks it suddenly as if he remembered something. "Dude, you have to take me to that shop again," he says.

I'm trying to recall the holiday assignment we were given so I don't pay attention to what he's saying. "What?" I mutter distractedly, pulling out a sheaf of papers and immediately recalling a dark head buried in paperwork.

Kiba pulls his chair closer to mine. "That shop, man! The one where I bought the refrigerator from!" he says, sounding supremely excited for someone who needs furniture.

I frown. "Okay?" I ask.

Kiba is not one to mind it seems for he just grins and tells me he needs a shelf to store his anime figurine collection and he's forgotten where the shop is.

My heart picks up pace. I miss him.

I lick my lips and bring myself to the present. "Sure, when do you want to go?" I ask, dropping the papers in my hand on the desk like they're insignificant.

Kiba shrugs. "Whenever you're free man. After class today?" he asks and I nod fervently, too greedy to pass up this chance.

If Kiba looks at me funny, I don't care. I need to see Itachi before I explode. "Alright. After class it is," Kiba confirms just as the professor stands up and addresses the class.

I smile giddily at the professor knowing I won't remember one word of this lecture.

I'm pacing near the smoking area of my building waiting for Kiba to turn up. I've called him twice and even though both times I was placated with his cries of "five more minutes", enough is enough. I stub out the barely smoked cigarette I have dangling from my lips and am just about to mount my bike and head out alone when I see Kiba pedaling hard towards me. Part of me wants to smack the back of his head in irritation but part of me wants to get to the store faster so I refrain from wasting one more second as we pedal off together towards the store.

My heartbeat doubles when I see that it's open. My hands shake slightly as I lock my bike in nervousness regardless of how desperate I was to see his face in the morning. Kiba jogs up to the stairs first and steps in when the doors open. I join him a second later, my hand tightening on the strap of my bag at the sight of the familiar dark head, my breath catching when I realize just how much I've missed him.

Itachi nods at us and I wait patiently for Kiba to go about his business. My gaze stays fixed on him but he keeps his gaze studiously on Kiba, listening attentively to whatever it is that my friend wants. Once Kiba is done with his unnecessary monologue of demands, all for buying a shelf to store his anime stash, Itachi ushers him to the storage space where the furniture is kept. It is only when he returns alone that my heart picks up its treacherous pace as I smile at him.

"Happy New Year, Itachi-sama!" I say when those dark eyes look at me.

I wait with bated breath, my smile frozen in place in anticipation. Itachi's eyes change to the pools of mystifying obsidian with a hint of surprise but a second later, his lips stretch into the warm, gentle smile I've grown extremely fond of. "Happy New Year, Naruto-kun!" he replies and bows sweetly.

"Please take care of me this year too," I say, bowing back, returning his courtesy. I ask him how his holidays went. He asks me how Hokkaido was and immediately I open my bag to produce this huge paper bag that contains the souvenirs I've brought for them. I place it on the counter and as an attempt at humility, very politely say, "It's a little, boring something…" but grin at Itachi. Itachi covers his mouth demurely with his hand, but I hear a chuckle and it's worth it when he bows again and accepts the packet. We continue chatting a bit more here and there and I'm so lost in this bubble of happiness that I forget about Kiba and that is probably the reason why I almost jump out of my skin when he reappears from behind the storage door.

"I think I'm going to go with …" he trails off when he sees how spooked I look. "Is everything okay?" he asks, because it's not just me but also Itachi who's got the same shocked look on his face.

"Oh yeah, yeah," I say, after gathering my wits a little. I suddenly hate the idea of bringing Kiba here with me. Somehow his presence feels…unwanted, intrusive even. Kiba's eyes look like a million questions as they land on mine and I think it's time we had a little talk out of Itachi's earshot. I force my feet to move away from Itachi and walk over to where he's standing. "Show me what you're getting," I say, pushing him towards the door he walked out of.

"Dude, what the fuck!" Kiba rounds on me the moment we're behind the door.

I lift an eyebrow in question. "What?" I ask when he stays mute at that and continues gazing at me with something akin to confusion written all over.

"What's going on with you two?" he asks, planting his hands on his hips and reminding me very much of my mother.

The temptation to play dumb is so intense I almost furrow my brows in mock confusion to ask him what he means. But Kiba is a dear friend and now that I've slipped up and the onus is upon me, I might as well clear things out. "There's nothing between us. He's Sasuke's brother and…" I trail off feeling terrible for not having a continuation to the statement.

"And you're heads over heels for him!" Kiba says sharply making me look at him with more hostility than I ever thought. But Kiba shakes his head in apology. "I don't mean anything bad by it," Kiba says as he puts a hand to his mouth and then regards me again. "Dude you're in trouble," he says quietly after a long minute, a slow smile working up his face.

I regard him, puzzled. "And why is that?" I ask.

Kiba looks at me incredulously. "Because he's Sasuke's brother! Because you are a man?" he chuckles after a second as if it amuses him. "Mostly because it's all over your face," he says. He looks down after a moment and when he looks up, his brows are furrowed again when he asks, "Does he know?"

I shake my head, too petrified by the idea of our meetings coming to an end. Kiba surprises me by smacking his forehead with his hand. His shoulders shake as he begins to laugh. "That man is dense if he hasn't noticed it. Dude, you looked one step away from drooling," Kiba says, mirth still clear on his face as he pats my shoulder.

I wipe my mouth hastily. My face and ears are on fire in mortification. Sasuke's face suddenly flashes in my mind. Immediately my limbs go numb. What if he's noticed? What if he knows? I might sound selfish to a fault, but I don't want to lose him as a friend. He's very precious to me. "What if Sasuke knows?" I blurt out suddenly.

Kiba who has walked up to the front of a shelf and is prodding it around as if to check for its sturdiness, gives me a distracted look. "Knows what?" he asks me, our conversation a minute back is clearly completely forgotten as he pokes around a few more times before regarding me with an open mouth as if in query. He quickly snaps it shut when his eyes meet mine. "Your secret, right." He scratches his left ear and then shrugs. "Who knows?" is all he says, returning to examine his selection.

I'm about to say something when the door opens and in walks Itachi. He looks curiously at us and my heart begins to beat somewhere near my ear at the questions I find in those dark orbs of his. I walk up to him at once. "Kiba was just showing me the shelf he's selected," I say, coming to stand beside him. We stand there and regard Kiba who thankfully is done with his inspection and looks satisfied with his choice. But one look at his face and I school my expressions.

Kiba walks up to us and points at the shelf. "I'll take that, thank you," he says. They get to discussing the nitty gritty of the payment and delivery, so I leave them alone to just wander around the storage space, stopping when I've reached the bookshelf I've been coveting ever since I laid my eyes on it. It's still the same with its lower half wrapped in plastic and the first shelf unwrapped for display. Robust, strong, and heavy, this bookshelf is just perfect. I run my fingertips across the shelf, feeling the smooth wood, lost in thoughts of how it would look in my room back home.

It is Itachi's voice that jars me out of my imagination and there he is, standing next to me, his eyes lingering on my hand that rests on the shelf. I withdraw it instantly, my ears going red once again. "It's okay," he says softly, stroking along the side panel thoughtfully. "I know you've liked this shelf ever since you saw it," he smiles at me and everything inside me comes undone at his perceptiveness. "It's actually my favorite too," he says.

I want nothing more than to bend down and kiss him against our favorite shelf.

"Where's Kiba?" I ask because alerts start beeping in my brain and I need a quick distraction.

Itachi frowns for the fraction of a second. "He said he had plans with his friends and that he told you he'd be leaving early," Itachi says and despite hearing this for the first time, I quickly nod and pretend to remember. Kiba is probably giving me a chance to be alone with Itachi.

I look at my phone and sure enough there's a message there from him.

"Take this chance to talk and sort your feelings. Oh, and you owe me a dinner!" he's attached an emoji of some sort, but I don't want to waste more precious seconds on this stupid device, so I pocket it and turn to Itachi who's still distractedly admiring the shelf.

"Would you like to accompany me for a walk?" Itachi asks me suddenly, his tone light and flippant and my heart bursts with happiness at the thought of him wanting to spend more time with me.

I nod once while inside my head I'm going berserk at the mere idea of walking together with him. A thrill shoots down my spine as I imagine our hands accidentally brushing while walking. Itachi turns around to walk out of the storage and I stop in front of a full-length mirror to look at my face.

Despite Kiba's warning, I cannot bring myself to stop grinning like an idiot.

Itachi closes his store quickly and then hurriedly bundles up in his coat and scarf. I wait out in the cold, blowing my breath out attempt at smoking. Itachi scoffs when he sees me and asks if I smoke for real. Though it is not a habit I'm fond of, I nod, nevertheless. Itachi stays rooted on his spot for a second and I turn around to see him pull out the gloves I got him for Christmas. He smiles at me and quickly puts them on. "They're really warm," Itachi says, looks down for a second, then looks up again at me, "Thank you, Naruto-kun," he says with so much sincerity that I feel giddy with happiness.

"You're very welcome," I say good-naturedly and together we begin our walk.

"Shall we have our class in formal Japanese, right now?" Itachi says and I nod fervently. Ever since I began studying under the Uchiha brothers' tutelage, my Japanese has improved by leaps and bounds. Even my classes with Sasuke are smooth sailing now. I'm immensely glad for that.

Itachi opens with a formal greeting. He chooses my excursions as the main theme and asks me various questions. I've come to love these lessons with Itachi. Along with observing the style of speech, I've also come to understand Itachi's various quirks when he's teaching. For example, if I say something totally inappropriate, the right corner of Itachi's lips twitches as if he wants to correct me but is holding himself back. Or when I use the wrong form of the verb, his eyebrows will move a fraction. Similarly, when I'm making a speech or saying a longer sentence but am minding the grammar usage and the right words, his eyes as well as his smile will both start growing bigger and bigger with every word, till he'll nod with a flourish at the end.

I take a second to form my answer in my head before wording it out. "My travels have been very well, thank you. In the short span of the four months that I've been here, I've traveled to Central Honshu, Nagoya, Nikko and Kyushu along with Hokkaido."

"You seem to be liking Japan quite a lot," Itachi suddenly adopts the voice and mannerism of a lady in her sixties, covering his mouth with a glove-clad hand and batting his eyelashes furiously. Several passersby give us a confused look, but I don't take a second to play along with him as I clear my throat majestically like a warlord and tell him that I do love Japan.

We continue talking in this manner for a while. He asks me questions about my future travel plans and I answer earnestly. Smiling and even laughing uproariously when at one reply, he literally bites the inside of his right cheek because I know I've gone totally off-track with the conversation, my wording and tone still that of a samurai from the middle ages. I'm so lost in this tiny play we're doing that I don't even realize that dusk has fallen and we're in the park which is close to the University.

"My! My! Looks like we've walked quite far, huh?" Itachi says, playing his role with a panache that takes my breath away.

"Why Itachi-sama, time is not of the essence," I say, playing my role perfectly as I take his gloved hand and bend down to brush my lips across it.

The action only registers when my lips meet the cashmere of the glove. My eyes dart to Itachi's whose cheeks have red splotches on them. His eyes are huge as he looks at me and immediately gets to retracting his hand from my grasp. I glance around but thankfully no eyes are upon us in the dark. I'm not ashamed of my actions but Itachi is a completely different story.

I straighten and apologize hastily. Itachi takes a moment but then he seems to compose himself before smiling slightly at me. "Guess we lost ourselves in the role, huh?" I say, trying desperately to lighten the moment. Itachi nods and laughs at that and the tension in my body lessens greatly. We resume our walk and this time the conversation moves towards directions. Even though he knows the route, Itachi asks me to give him directions from the park to my dorm.

We begin walking towards a stretch of the park I've never been to, but I do not remark upon it, choosing instead to center myself and give him the directions as instructed.

Itachi stops when we reach a particular point where there's a single bench. He sits down on the bench and pats the empty space beside him. The bench is painted white and is big enough for the two of us to fit in snugly, our knees brushing against each other's. Once I'm seated, Itachi points to the front. I turn around and the view is magnificent. From behind the low shrubbery, I can see a water body of sorts. It clearly reflects the tall buildings in front of it, the reflection blurring as a ripple runs through the water from some periodic disturbance. It's so gorgeous that I even forget to take out my phone and snap pictures like the tourist I am. Instead, my gaze focuses on this one building with stained glass windows and I point them out to Itachi who nods and smiles back. "It's beautiful," I whisper.

"This is my favorite place." He stops for a second and gazes at the water before turning back to me. "I've never brought anyone here," he says, smiling softly at me.

My heart warms at his words. I gaze at something even more beautiful with perhaps the same awe, if not more. "I like you," I whisper. The confession is raw and unplanned, but I feel like it's been ripped out of my very soul.

I turn towards the scenery, my heart beating madly in my chest. The stained-glass reflection gives the water a very artistic touch, making it seem twice as beautiful. I gaze upon it for a long moment before turning to him again.

Itachi doesn't react to what I said and I have half a mind to stand up and walk away. I can feel the regret already seeping in my insides like acid. The blame game is about to begin inside me, and I think I must have squirmed in my seat because Itachi nods. It's slow and small and were I not waiting for the slightest of reactions from him, I'd have missed it. "I know," he says.

My breath leaves me in a white fume. I can feel my heart sinking faster with every nano second that passes. I shake my head at him and shrug. "Why didn't you say anything? Does it disgust you?" I ask.

Itachi turns to look at me and keeps his gaze locked on mine for a long time. "I had my doubts. But then you confirmed them at the party we had before you left for Hokkaido. And no, I'm not repelled." He murmurs slowly. "I'm not repelled at all," he repeats, more to himself than to me as he stares out at the water. "And that is a problem," he says, turning to look at me for a moment before returning his gaze to the water, to the tiny reflection of the stained glass.

"Why?" I ask. Hope rears its head again, wild and uncontrollable like a forest fire in my chest.

Itachi tears his gaze from the water and looks back at me for a very long moment. "I was…married once," he says, the words sound torn as if they're being wrenched out of him and my breath catches in my throat. Even though his heterosexuality was an accurate guess I'd made from the get-go, hearing it being spelled out in words with things like marriage thrown in, is taking me for a spell. I've seen his hands enough time to not see the mark of a wedding ring, let alone the after mark of one.

Itachi chuckles mirthlessly. "I was twenty-one, young and free," Itachi says and there's a shade of self-deprecation there which makes me turn around and stare at him. Itachi doesn't turn to look at me. He continues staring at the water, as if lost in its depths. "We fell in love, defied everyone and married. All within three months of knowing each other. She was, is, a smart, driven woman and perhaps that's what attracted me to her. At first, love was enough to fill the cracks in our relationship but once the cracks got too large, things began to fall apart. We were both scared of losing each other and so we tried to find new solutions to make our marriage work. When all failed, we thought a baby could fix things. So, we went ahead and had a baby. But Naruto-kun, you see, there are relationships that just cannot be salvaged. Once we were in love and ambitious. Now we despised each other, resented each other, we blamed each other. The last straw was when she told me that our baby was a responsibility she didn't need. We divorced a year after my son Kiyoshi was born." Itachi sighs at this while the revelation of everything I've just learnt spins in my brain.

Not only is the man I love, once married but a father too. The dots that I've been trying to connect since months have suddenly found their ends at a maddening pace and now, I'm just left staring at the big picture. It feels like one of my worst fears has just suddenly come true and it's shaken me so much to the core that I feel like I can't breathe. Kiyo, Kiyoshi, who felt like a mystery to me till yesterday now has a face and even though I denied it to myself a million times, the resemblance that the child bears to his father suddenly magnifies hundredfold.

"He has your eyes," I find myself whispering in awe, my brain suddenly disconnected from my body.

Itachi smiles with all the fondness of a father for a son. "I know," he sighs and its slow and shaky. "He's the center of my world." He looks down at his gloved hands, and then turns to regard me. "He was supposed to have been the center of my world till you showed up in my shop, all wide-eyed and so helplessly you that I felt my world shift." My heart is hurting me with the intensity of its beats. Every word that comes out of this man's mouth stokes the embers of hope that are burning so bright, I feel like I could combust any minute.

"You like me too," the realization is like dawn breaking over the horizon. I turn to him all hopeful and so fucking helplessly in love that it's killing me.

Itachi doesn't respond. He merely licks his lips and every word rising in my throat to find its voice gets swallowed. I want him to continue speaking, to set me ablaze.

"Initially, you were an object of mild amusement. Each time you fumbled, your eyebrows would knit together, your ears would turn this delectable shade of pink, your tongue would peek out from a corner and I found it so adorable that it made me want to tussle your hair and flick your forehead just like I would Sasuke's. Maybe I saw in you another younger brother. And that's what I told myself again and again and again."

My heart is beating so hard, I can feel my hands shaking with the frequency of it. Itachi's confession is turning me inside out.

"And then the day you commented on my glasses and called me Itachi-sama, something shifted, something changed. It wasn't because of what you said. It was because of how you looked at me. I began to notice you more. You became the object of my interest every time you walked into my store. I told myself that my heart wasn't supposed to beat like this for you, for a man, but just being in the same space with you brought out a sense of happiness that I thought I'd closed my door on. The telltale signs of falling in love, deepened, intensified and manifested themselves with every meeting. I should have gone running to the hills, the first time you had that effect on me. And yet, and yet, I was so drawn to you, to your warmth that try as I might, I couldn't stay away. On the contrary, the attraction was strong enough to the extent that I looked forward to our classes, to the dangers of falling into your eyes. I wanted to bask in the furtive, shy glances you'd cast at me when you thought I wasn't looking. I wanted to be lavished by the attention you gave me. I wanted to feel needed and loved and to be looked at. Before I knew it, I began craving the validation you provided."

He stops to take a deep breath and I can see his hands are balled into fists. I reach out to smoothen out his hands, pushing my thumb in his fist and then gently pushing out his fingers. I clasp his left hand gently in mine and let our hands rest on his thigh. I want him to know I'm here and listening. I know that inside the gloves, his hands will be ghostly white with the pressure. Itachi's eyes are glassy, his cheeks flushed with his admission. He looks like someone on unchartered territories. I know this confession is not easy for him. I stay silent, resolved to give him the time and space to get it all out. He takes another shuddering breath.

Don't stop. Don't ever stop talking.

"But you know what the worst thing about loving you is?" he turns to me then, his hand still in mine, his breath still coming out as wisps of smoke, his eyes the same quality of obsidian glass as they look up at me. I mutely shake my head, too afraid suddenly to respond.

"It's the guilt." He lets out a cloud of agitation in the cold and rubs his face with his right hand. "Initially I thought I felt it for liking a man. It was like a dark cloud with each thought of your sky-blue eyes and your sunlit hair. It haunted me for days and nights. But the addiction of you made me push it down, wanting nothing more than to see you again, to be loved again. When you went traveling, I wanted nothing more than to go with you, to lose myself in your warmth for the entirety of the trip. Every time this feeling rose, the guilt that accompanied it was not easy to deal with. Trying to squish my feelings for you was like trying to hold my breath perpetually. I felt guilty for liking you this much. I felt guilty for making you like me this much. But the worst of it all was the guilt I felt over giving the space Kiyoshi held, to you."

I know what he's saying is not in spite. I know, I understand what he means. His words are harsh but I feel like his journey to falling in love with me has been more difficult than mine. And that alone gives him the right to vent.

Itachi runs a hand through his hair, breathing deeply. He's spoken a lot and looks exhausted. He turns to look at me and smiles slowly, apologetically and now I can see as clear as day how much he actually likes me.

"You know what the most beautiful thing about loving you is?" he asks and I shake my head again, wanting nothing more than to hear it.

"It's the way you look at me." A tendril of pleasure unfurls in my veins at that admission. "Your gaze directed at me is sharp and clear. It's filled with every feeling on display and that's the very reason my heart refused to listen to reason." Itachi smiles, a slow smile and I find myself grinning from ear to ear at him. I want to bend down and kiss him but he chooses that moment to break eye contact.

"Why didn't you show me your feelings sooner when you knew how I felt about you? A gesture, a smile? Fuck, you could have just given me a sign and I wouldn't have had to waste months pining after you, agonizing over every little detail. We wouldn't have wasted months dancing around each other! You are so fucking Zen that I would have never known had you not told me!"

Itachi's eyes slide over to the water and there is a subtle change in his air. My skin prickles with something I can't define. Gone is the elation that was filling my bones at the knowledge that he could feel the same.

"I wasn't planning to tell you, ever."

"Why? Is it because of Sasuke? Because he is my friend? Trust me, Itachi-san, I have no intentions of hurting your brother." A wave of premonition washes over me as something in the dark eyes shifts.

"Neither do I, Naruto-kun. And therein lies the problem," Itachi says, his voice soft and quiet.

"But he doesn't have to know!" I say, because obviously it's none of his business.

"I wish the issue was as simple as that," Itachi sighs. My heart sinks like a rock.

"Then what is it?" I ask, not bothering to hide the hurt from my voice.

"It's that gaze you look at me with," he says. Panic takes over me, raising goosebumps on my skin.

"Shit! He knows! He's noticed it already!" I gasp, the revelation has me reeling.

Itachi scoffs at me. "And here I thought you know him better than that!"

Anger swirls inside me at the insult. I don't like this foolish game of riddles Itachi has suddenly chosen to play. "My sincere apologies at my simplicity. Would you care to explain how my looking at you is suddenly an issue that involves your younger brother if he hasn't noticed?" try as I might, I can't take the sarcasm out of my words.

Itachi exhales loudly through his nose. "I'm sorry I didn't mean to be rude." He licks his lips and continues staring out at the water for a moment. "That gaze is the fucking problem, Naruto-kun," he says after a while. His changes his position as he turns to look at me now. His posture is relaxed and I'd have really thought this was all a joke to me had I not seen his eyes. Those dark eyes which are now looking into my impatient ones are troubled.

"And why's that?" it's a whisper. I'm scared of what he'll say.

"That's because I've seen Sasuke gaze at you the same way," he says.

"What?" My breath leaves me in an incredulous whoosh.

"You heard me." Itachi's voice is tight now.

"Sasuke? You can't be serious! He and I are -" This has to be a very sick attempt at humor.

Itachi chuckles. It's low and throaty and on any ordinary day would have warmed me all over but today it sounds bitter and dry like the cold.

"You're the only one who thinks that way, Naruto-kun." There is no trace of humor on Itachi's face as he volleys.

I turn around my entire body to face him.

There is no way in hell…!

"No. It can't be, You're wrong." Hurt and a feeling I can't quite define are rising in my chest simultaneously like a burst of hot air.

Itachi merely shrugs at that, adding fuel to the mix of feelings in my chest.

But I know. Deep-down I've always known. It's adding up now. His irritation at the green-eyed waiter, his eagerness to teach me, everything is connecting with the speed of a bullet train.

I run a hand through my hair and turn to regard Itachi who's resumed staring at the reflection of the buildings on the water. "I'm flattered that you feel that way for me Naruto-kun, but Sasuke brought me back from the fantasy I was weaving. Sasuke and Kiyoshi are my world and I'd rather die than break my brother's heart."

Please stop talking.

"But he's not the person I love!" my rebuttal is a furious whisper. I can feel the prickling of angry tears and I fight the urge to let them take over. "This just not fair!"

"Regardless, we won't ever talk about this." Itachi's voice is harsh and urgent.

Please stop talking.

Against my better judgment, I palm the curve of his cheek. It fits perfectly. There is a brief sense of relief when he doesn't pull away. "Yes, we will. You like me too. You can't deny me this." After listening to Itachi's confession, I'm not going down without a fight.

"I can't do this to my brother," Itachi's voice is furious as he shakes his head at me. The tears come faster. My heart is breaking.

"Then what about me? What about us? We like each other! I'll talk to Sasuke, make him understand." Under my palm, Itachi's jaw clenches as his eyes harden.

"He will never know!" His voice is quiet. It reflects a sense of foreboding.

"Why? Because he likes me? Have you for one second thought how he'd feel if he found out about our mutual feelings? Do you realize the extent of the damage it would inflict on him?"

"I know! But I can't hurt him."

"Not telling him the truth is going to hurt him more!"

"You don't know anything! He won't understand!"

"But I can make him understand!" I'm hysteric now but this is beyond my control.

"You won't tell him anything," Itachi's words come out hotly now as he pushes his face away from my palm.

"Oh? Try me!" My eyes glare daggers at him but in his I see his steely resolve.

"You tell him and you'll never see me again," the threat is spoken softly in the cold night.

You were planning to never see me again?

I exhale loudly. For the first time since the start of this conversation, its dawning on me. The weight of his resolution is crushing me.

"Why did you confess to me?" I whisper, brokenly.

"You know why," Itachi's gaze cuts me like a knife.

I shake my head, seeing but refusing to see.

"Must I spell it out for you?" Itachi's gaze is cold now. I know he's making a valiant attempt at keeping his temper in check.

"Yes." I need a moment of clarity for this horrible moment.

Itachi lets out a controlled breath as he rubs his face with his hand again. "Because, Naruto-kun, I had no intentions of pursuing this from the start."

"Then why did you tell me?"

"Because it was time to put a lid on these unnatural feelings that should have never existed." My world comes crumbling down. Each word is enunciated with finality. Itachi's dealt his death blow and I'm still reeling with the shock of it when he opens his mouth again.

Please stop talking. Please stop talking. Please stop talking.

"I'm sorry, Naruto-kun. Let's pretend this never happened." The hope and happiness that were sprouting inside me are now being cruelly crushed by the very person who gave them to me.

There are a million things that are stirring up and sitting on the tip of my tongue, waiting to find their voice but each word keeps toppling over the other, each thought tangling into the previous one till I'm left with nothing. My tears are hot now, pressing against my lashes, burning my eyes. My heart, my poor heart, is still trying to grapple with the truth of it. "I can't do this."

"Yes, you can. We can," is all Itachi says.

Itachi moves to stand up and it causes something in me to snap. "Don't go, please," I clasp his hand and urge him.

"You'll be alright." He looks into my eyes for a long moment and just for a second, I can see the sadness I feel mirrored in his eyes and then it's gone. Itachi gently pries my hand away and slides out from the bench and then he's gone.

I gaze at the water now, at the stained-glass windows till there's a ripple and just like that, the barrage of tears explodes.

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