Plastic Dreams
A/N: And we're back with Naruto's POV once again. I miss writing Itachi a lot! There are still a lot of good parts yet to come. So enjoy this angst while it lasts (it's going to go a looooooong way). I honestly put all my resources into writing a better Sasuke than I'd originally written him. But his nastiness won't go away. :(
I hope you enjoy!
I wait nervously for Sasuke to arrive. I texted him after seeing his replies to my questionnaire. All our conversations had been limited and civil. I assumed it was Sasuke's way of offering the olive branch. Of course we haven't spoken of my relationship with Itachi or about Itachi at all. That thought makes me nervous. Confrontations with Sasuke ever since we told him haven't been good. But after what little we've salvaged; I want this to end well.
He waves when he sees me from the entrance and I wave back slowly. He quickly makes his way to my table and takes the seat opposite me, dropping his bag unceremoniously on the chair next to his. "Man I'm beat!" he runs a hand through his hair and smiles at me. "Hi! How are you?" he asks me pleasantly before turning to our server and requesting for an Americano.
Anger brims to the surface. After all the shit he spewed, he's talking as if nothing happened. Is this another game of his? I swear, if he hadn't replied to my questionnaire then I wouldn't have even bothered. He's the reason we've been this miserable. "You're being civil," I point out casually.
Sasuke sighs before he lifts his hands. "I come in peace today. I promise to not get angry." Either he's one hell of an actor or he's genuinely trying to be nice. I hate that I'm second guessing all his actions. "I did a lot of thinking and I realized I was overstepping my bounds and ruining our friendship. I didn't want to do that. I'm sorry."
I nod before exhaling loudly. I'll only have to wait and see what bomb he wants to drop on me.
"How goes life?" Sasuke asks me.
I shrug. "Good. What about you? How are Sui and Juugo doing?" I ask.
Sasuke shrugs as well. "Good. Your questionnaire was interesting," he smiles at me with genuine niceness and I stop thinking about his actions. I want to believe he's here to put this behind us. "Did you write all the questions yourself/" he raises an interested brow at me, his smile never diminishing.
I shake my head. It's a trap. Here's where he's anticipating my lover's name to come up. "My tutors helped me," I reply. It's true. While Itachi helped with a lot of the questions, it was Tenten-san who gave me the idea in the first place. Not to mention, it is her thought I stole.
Sasuke nods and then smiles. "Which one?"
I'm about to say something but he just smiles again. There's no guile or malice to it. He just looks plain curious. It makes me feel like shit for doubting him again. "You know which one." I don't take his name. Just in case.
Sasuke nods. "Then that question about communication being the key?"
I shake my head, my breath easing a little. "No. That was from Tenten-san."
He smiles again, a shade more genuine. "Thank you for asking me."
You were on the mailing list. Saying that out loud won't help anyone, so I refrain.
Sasuke sips his coffee. "Ask you something?" he puts his forearms on the table and leans forward.
My guard is up before I can stop it. This trust that he broke just won't fix despite me constantly reprimanding myself. "Sure." The hesitancy in my tone could not be more prominent. I paste a smile on my face.
I know he knows my smile is fake but he doesn't say anything about it. "What is it that attracts you to him?" he asks me hesitantly, almost as if he's deliberately stepping over a mine.
I look at him for a long moment. "Why?" I ask.
Sasuke runs a hand through his hair before he speaks again. He looks like he's preparing himself to speak. "Because I'm curious, as your friend." He pastes the last part as explanation.
I consider it for a moment. Where do I begin?" Countless adjectives come to mind but they don't do justice to what I like about him. "I think I like everything about him."
Sasuke laughs. "That's not even an answer. C'mon speak clearly."
He looks just like the Sasuke I used to know. The one I cherished so much. My chest feels a little light and I smile at him. "Honestly, I can't find the words."
"He isn't that great you know! Sometimes he's completely emotionless like a doll. Doesn't he shut you out sometimes because he gets so busy in his own thing? Don't you hate that?" he asks me.
Itachi? Emotionless? What the hell is he talking about?
I laugh. "That's never the case with me. I enjoy our silence."
Sasuke makes a face. "You sound like a boring couple in their fifties."
I smile. "I'm an old soul, so it works just fine."
"But seriously. He's not even good looking. You could have done better." Sasuke sounds like I went shopping to purchase something he doesn't like.
"Are we even talking about the same person?" Honestly, though it hasn't happened much, there have been times when I've felt people's adoring gazes at him. It's made me want to pull out their eyes or hide my lover forever from their nasty gaze. "He is perfect," I say.
"Alright, enough!" he shakes his head, composing himself. "But seriously dude, he's vain about his looks when he's not even good-looking! Everyone tells me he looks older than he is."
"What the hell are you talking about?" I only have to glance in his direction once for my breath to stop. He's gorgeous! From his forehead down to the tip of his chin, I love everything about him. "You're talking to the wrong person. There's nothing about him that I dislike." I shake my head at him. "Anyway, enough talking about him!"
Sasuke puts up his hands in surrender. "Those rose-colored glasses of yours are blinding! I'll stop! Jeez!" he rubs his forehead agitatedly.
I laugh genuinely since the first time I came here. The topic switches one from to another but it never ventures into my lover's district. Not that I have my brother back, there is so much I want to talk to him about. We catch up on everything that once brought us together. I'm clinging to the hope that maybe we can be friends again.
"You might want to rethink watching that series. I mean it earned a lot of fame but the story is predictable and boring." I take another bite of my sandwich.
"Just like Itachi," Sasuke's voice gives nothing away.
My hackles rise. I frown at him and swallow the half-chewed bite. "Anyway," I look at him seriously, "Don't watch it."
Sasuke's laugh sounds like a scoff. He knows I let it go. I don't know he wants to keep goading me like this. Does he want to get beaten up again?
Sasuke looks at my face and composes his features. "Don't you want to know things about him?" he asks me, pushing aside his coffee cup and placing his elbow on the table. He rests his chin on it and looks smug.
I smirk. "Talking about someone behind their backs is not good Sasuke."
"You've never complained before." Oh shit!
I shrug. "I can just ask him."
Sasuke scoffs again. "There you go being shy," he rolls his eyes in mock exaggeration. Before he lifts a nonchalant shoulder. "Besides, there's not much to tell. But I'll tell you since I'm feeling generous."
His generosity is a garden of roses I'd have to navigate barefoot. The way he dresses his words is enough to tell me that it's nothing good. But I want to know what he's thinking. I want to know where he's going with this. I drag a hand through my face. "Go on. I'm curious. Tell me what you have to say."
Sasuke smiles like a child who got their favorite toy as his eyes widen. My heart slows down, dreading what's to come. "You know, ever since my birth, I've only seen him follow my parents' instructions. From the way his holds his chopsticks to how he speaks, it's just like theirs. He's done nothing but what's expected of him. I think his marriage was only because of that and so was Kiyoshi." Sasuke looks up at me. "Do you get what I'm trying to say?" he straightens as he looks at me, that ugly smile pasted on his face. "Uchiha Itachi is filial to a fault! He'd rather die than go against Mother and Father."
Ah.
"And you think he'll leave me if they said no. I see." I manage to keep a calm façade despite the wave of displease that comes at his words.
"My parents are the epitome of Japanese culture. They won't understand what we are. So it's only better that you cut your ties with him before they cut theirs." Sasuke lets out a triumphant smirk. "You've already ruined his relationship with me, you wouldn't want that happening with his family too now, would you?" He looks so smug I fight the urge to punch him.
"You've tried threatening me with your parents before and it didn't achieve anything. So let me ask you, why are you doing this?" I ask him, finally. I can't believe I thought we could be friends again.
He shrugs. "Doing what? Pointing out the obvious? Trust me Naruto, there's nothing but heartache here."
It starts again. That anger I feel each time I think of Sasuke resurfaces. "That's for me to decide." I move to stand. "I'm assuming this is all you had to say." I manage a tight, plastic smile. "Thanks for the chit-chat, Sasuke." I stand and walk up to the payment counter.
His parents, of course, will be an issue. It cuts me to the bone to think that I could be the reason his parents abandon him. I know, I just know how much it'll hurt him. I'd observed and noted more than half the things Sasuke told me. This parents' stance on this is also something I've often thought about. But Itachi wants me to trust him and I will. Nevertheless, the discomfort transforms to anger at Sasuke. He keeps using his family as weapons.
I used to believe communication was the key to solving even the most difficult of problems.
Now I know. No amount of communication could help get through Sasuke.
I'm an idiot! I'm an absolute idiot!
On the bright side, ever since the night I cried in Itachi's arms, he's been looking out for me. He gives me surprise visits and often invites me to his house when Sasuke's not there. With my final draft passing with flying colors from Tenten-san, I've been taking it easy. Ergo, more dates with my beloveds. Kiyoshi is now a regular and I'm a fan of the ones that involve him. Blame it on the attention he lavishes on me but I love him. Itachi just watches us amused as his son unabashedly showers me with shy blushes and my heart sublimes to nothing.
We're seated around the sofas after dinner. Kiyoshi draws patiently seated on the floor to my left while my beloved and I enjoy a glass of red wine each. He peruses through Netflix, choosing what to watch from beside me. I love that he's seated next to me. I lean back drawing my arm up and silently pull him back. He settles against my arm like it's everyday business. His right hand continues to click through option after option. "What would you like to watch?" he asks me.
I think for a moment. "Something steamy," I say.
Itachi looks up at me and stares through his glasses. That adorable look does things to me. Sticky, sweet things to my insides. I grin at him, "Too scared are we, Itachi-sama?" I ask teasingly. My face is close to his, our voices low.
"Why? Were you anticipating holding me during erotic scenes? What's that term, ah, Netflix and chill?" I can't believe I got busted by a stereotype. But I've been dying to try it.
"Will you get angry if I say yes?" I ask honestly.
He tsks at me before moving to turn to his task. I kiss him before he can turn back to the screen. Taking liberties? Oh yeah! I'm unstoppable. "We can't," his eyes fly to where Kiyoshi is still working on another masterpiece of his. "Kiyoshi is right here."
"You know my mouth moved on its own right?" I ask smiling down at him.
His covers my face with his hand as he chuckles and then sighs. "I meant the movie, Naruto," Itachi explains with gritted teeth. His lips keep fighting that uncontrollable urge to smile.
I bend down and press another kiss to them. "Does that mean we don't get to do this?" I ask, raising a brow at him.
"Ah, Naruto and Daddy are flirting!" Kiyoshi looks up at us and my breath catches in my throat. I stiffen like I'm made of wood as I glance first at my lover who looks shell-shocked and then at the little boy.
"Ah, you see Kiyoshi…" I start but Itachi beats me to it.
"Kiyoshi!" Itachi covers his face in embarrassment. "Where did you learn that from?" he picks him up and seats him on his lap.
Kiyoshi giggles and then he looks at me. "Uncle Obito said you do that with your special someone. Daddy likes Naruto, right?"
Itachi laughs softly as he nods. "Yes, I like Naruto a lot."
Kiyoshi claps his hands happily. "And Naruto do you like Daddy too? Is that why you two are always kissing?"
I turn red like a tomato. We were trying to be as careful as we could. Kids these days, nothing escaped them! "Yes."
"Then…" Kiyoshi hesitated as he wrung his hands before looking up at his father coyly through his lashes.
Itachi meets my eyes for a moment before he looks at his son. "What is it?" his voice is persuasive.
Kiyoshi hesitates before he speaks. I'd have immediately rolled over and showed my belly to him. "Can…can Naruto live with us?"
Itachi looks at me and smiles. "Not now but someday?" he winks at Kiyoshi. "Do you want Naruto to live together with us?"
Kiyoshi nods eagerly even when he looks a little sad. "Why not now?"
"Hmm, that's because right now I have to live in a room given to me by the University. If I don't live there, it's going to be problematic." I explain. It isn't true but I know living with them is not a possibility.
Kiyoshi considers this for a second. "Not even for one night?" he asks me sadly.
I smile at him. "Of course! But I'll first need permission."
"From?" Kiyoshi frowns cutely.
"From the head of this house." I look up through my lashes at my lover whose eyes twinkle. "Can I stay here for tonight, Itachi-sama?" I ask him sincerely.
Kiyoshi sits up and looks at his father. "For tonight, Itachi-sama," he parrots my words, making Itachi laugh as he nods.
Kiyoshi giggles on my lap and I lift him up in the air with both arms. "Yay!" we gush excitedly. I pull him back to my lap. "And it's Daddy for you little brat! Itachi-sama is mine." I squeeze his nose. Kiyoshi merely giggles at that.
Itachi meets my eye above Kiyoshi's head. He mouths words that make me bury my face in Kioshi's neck and smile like an idiot.
I am yours.
We play for hours. I give into every whim of this kid and I'd happily do it all over again. We bathe together, we brush our teeth together. Itachi blow dries our hair before I seat him down and blow dry his. Kiyoshi looks like he's going to fall asleep on his feet so when Itachi lifts him up, I follow them to Kiyoshi's room. Toys and picture books adorn the shelves. Kiyoshi settles in between the sheets before Itachi hands Kiyoshi his stuffed toy. We each bend down to kiss his forehead and wish him goodnight. We stand together and watch him in silence. The moment is precious.
My hand reaches for his but his bypasses mine to wind around me. I put my head on his shoulder. "I love this."
Itachi lovingly strokes my forehead and places a kiss on it in answer.
Bliss.
We return to the couch and Itachi picks up the remote again. I refill our glasses. The conversation shifts back to what we should watch. After putting Kiyoshi to bed, we can now play anything we want.
"Still want to watch something erotic, Naruto-kun?" Itachi looks at me through his lashes and laughs.
I lean back beside him. "Very much," I say placing a hand on his thigh casually. He slides his left hand into mine and twines our fingers. I lift them up and kiss them.
He shakes his head. "I'm going to play the first thing I deem appropriate," his eyes flick down to my lips. "We'll take it from there," he turns and presses play. Cheerful music fills the room and the camera moves above the canopy of some rainforest.
It's a documentary about how animals attract their mates. I watch for ten minutes, stupefied.
"So Uzumaki-kun," My lover looks at me seriously. I turn focused. He moistens his lips. "About this Netflix and chill…"
I pounce on him in a heartbeat.
I breathe in his fragrance, that inebriating scent I love.
"You are never wearing this fragrance for anyone else," I whisper in his ear.
He turns to me. "What?" he says chuckling softly.
"You have to promise me you won't wear it otherwise," I say to him.
"Why?"
"Just because…I don't like it," I shrug.
"That's not an answer," he grabs my face in his hand as he kisses me. "I thought you liked my perfume?" he says, climbing over me and putting his legs on either sides of my thighs. I push him down on my lap, right above where parts of me are raring to go.
Itachi's breath shortens when he feels it pulsing like mad. "If this is what it does to me, just thinking about what effect it would have on other people drives me insane." I push him lower. "You are only mine, Itachi-sama. I hate anyone who so much as looks at you," I say. "Anyone coming this close enough to even get a whiff of it…I'd probably rip them with my bare hands," I finish. I've been in relationships before but this need to monopolize has only risen with this man. Caveman me is in full swing now.
"Oh?" he breathes looking down at my mouth which is set in a grim line. He traces it with his thumb. "As if I'd ever put it on for someone else! And then what about you? Where should I start drawing the lines?" he asks. He looks at me for a long moment and then kisses me. "If it were up to me, I'd lock you up in a room and never let anyone else look at you again."
"This humble man is at your service! All you have to do is just say the word. I'll walk into that room myself, happily," I tell him.
He traces my cheeks which are all healed now but the marks remain. Now I look like a fox for fuck's sake! All because of that jackass. I'm not vain about my looks but this is permanent damage. If he'd not been my lover's brother, I'd have set him straight, so to speak. But then again, in another way, at least it helped weed out a pest. He's no longer a part of my life, with or without Itachi. Period.
"So…is this all there is to…Netflix and chill?" he asks me, looking slightly disappointed.
My heart turns over. I smile, my own thumb tracing his mouth. I grab his mouth and place a loud kiss on it, wanting very much to spread him eagle here and eat him out like a feast.
The door bangs shut and the clatter of shoes being removed can be heard, clear as day. "I forgot he was coming home tonight! Sorry," Itachi apologizes but I shake my head. It's not his fault. Besides, Kiyoshi invited me for the night stay.
However, we draw apart and link our fingers together and stare at the screen. I can't help but get irritated at Sasuke's exaggeratingly loud actions tonight. He enters with pronounced steps. He looks exhausted as he enters the living room. He must have just finished his shift. His eyes cut to where I'm seated on the sofa with surprise and then to his brother and then at our clasped hands. His lips curl in disgust but he doesn't say anything to us as he turns around to go to his room.
"Welcome back," Itachi greets but he just scoffs at that. He mutters something under his breath and despite fury beginning to burn down inside me like acid, I don't react. I know this is the ammunition their strained relationship doesn't need. I focus instead on whatever is happening on the screen. Sasuke's presence has proven to have cooled my passion somewhat and I'm extremely annoyed at him for it.
He turns to leave and then stops. "Good that you're here Naruto. I ran into your program in-charge today. She wants you to go see her for your return flight," he shrugs and then moves towards his room, slinging his backpack behind him.
Reality hits me with the force of an ice bucket. July is beginning to tip towards the fifteenth and I have to go back in September. Of all the things I expected Sasuke to attack me with, he chose my reality. He knows I've been running away from it. He knows it's my defense against what's to come. He knows it's the reason why I'm here in his house.
The man, the very nucleus of my every cell, moves closer. He knows the damage this is going to do. The time bomb that had somewhat become background noise like a silent clock suddenly has a voice.
"Are you okay?" This question strikes something inside me. I have to get away.
My heart starts pounding like mad. The caged animal inside me bangs with the intensity of a thousand demented animals. I move to stand up but the earthquake begins inside me. "I have to go," I move blindly towards the door. Every atom inside me focuses on the mission of pushing my body to move away. Cold dread sweeps in. It makes me shiver uncontrollably. I need to get out of here. I need space to process this. I have to regroup. And I can't do it here. I can't go berserk in front of him. I've held my own weight so far and I'm going to need time to come to face this.
Itachi holds my hand and stops me. "No. You need to stay," he says.
I look at him like I'm seeing him for the first time. This really is the first time when we've not been on the same page. Our feelings maybe a reflection of each other's but right now, his mind doesn't mirror my own. I move to pull away from his hand but his grip only tightens. "We are going to talk about it," he says quietly. My king is forcing another decree on me that I just cannot fulfill.
"Just let me fucking go!" I say pulling my hand out of his grasp rudely. "I have to go," I let out, almost in a snarl. My walls are rising higher inside me. This guard is iron strong. It's rising to turn off my brain.
He moves to hug me and I let him, for one second before rudely pushing him away. "Naruto please," he whispers softly.
"You don't understand. I need time," I shout out the words and turn my back to my whole world just wanting nothing more than to be alone. Sasuke, the motherfucker, has won this fair and square. That dipshit played me like a fiddle tonight. Who is the one getting laughs out of this now?
The scream is coming. It bubbles inside me.
"And I'm telling you that you don't," he shouts back. He walks up to me and moves to put his arm around me. "We can talk about this together."
"What's there to talk about other than the fact that I have to go back?" I scoff at him. "Can talking to you change that? What good will talking do?"
Itachi inhales in surprise for a moment before he blinks. "What good will being alone do?" he asks me coolly as if he's trying to reign in his temper.
I run a hand through my hair and push past him. "I need to go."
He stands and places his hands on my arms to push me down. "Please don't go," he says it softly, so sadly against my ear that it breaks my heart.
I steel myself, knowing there's no other way out. My heart is turning to ash like a burning photograph. I forcefully remove his hands and turn to him. "If you'd been that clingy with your ex-wife, who knows, maybe she'd have stayed." This is it. Game over.
The slap echoes in the living room. Perfect silence engulfs us as he stares at me. This is why I wanted to walk away. I've splendidly hurt the very person I vowed to protect. "That was uncalled for," he says quietly. "Apologize," he orders. His eyes shine sadly with his own despair but for once I cannot be the one to wipe it away.
The words sit on my tongue, dying to be voiced. There are only so many royal decrees I can ignore. But my mouth, the wretched traitor, fails to comply with my brain yet again. I stare at him, looking so heartbroken, my heart feels like someone is pouring hot oil over it. And even with the enraging urge to go down on my knees and apologize, I turn around as the tsunami overtakes every inch of me and pick up my bag and make my way out of his house.
You should have just let me go.
It is when I'm near my dorm that my throat starts closing. My heart thuds madly in my chest, my ears pounding mercilessly. Sasuke's words play like they're on a loop in my head. My two realities have collided and crashed with his words. I hear them again and again. I can feel a hand on my shoulder and a second later I can see a pair of eyes on me as he frantically tries to tell me something. His voice sounds like it's coming from the edge of a tunnel. My chest is tightening with panic and I feel like it's going to crush my lungs completely.
"Can't…breathe…" I force out.
He turns my face to his. "Breathe after me, Naruto. Deep breaths." It's Kiba. It's his voice. Every blood vessel inside me is threatening to erupt. He produces a plastic bag and gives it to me. "Breathe into it" He breathes and I copy him. I close my eyes and take deep breaths till my head clears a little, till I'm able to breathe normally again. I pant some more and he soothingly rubs circles on my back. He pulls out my water bottle and hands it to me. "Drink," he orders and I comply immediately.
"Better?" he asks.
I manage a feeble nod.
"Did something happen?" he asks softly, rubbing my back.
"Don't wanna talk about it," I manage before I take a few deep breaths again.
He nods and puts an arm around me and slowly begins leading me back to our dorms. We climb the stairs in silence. "Almost there," he says, leading me up to my door. I fumble in my bag for my keys. He takes my bag from me and searches for them. He manages to locate the ninja character keychain and pulls out my keys. He unlocks the door for me and walks me gently to the bed. My head feels like it's filled with cotton wool. Every muscle in me feels like it weighs a ton. He hands me my water bottle again, making me drink some more water.
"I think you should go to bed," he says as he places his hand on my shoulder and tilts my body towards my pillow. He tucks me in like a child as I lie to my left in a fetal position. "Rest for a while. You need to." He waves and then quietly clicks my door shut after turning off the lights.
I bring the comforter all the way above my head and close my eyes.
Thankfully, sleep comes to me before the carnage I left behind.
I don't once think of my king.
This is about me.
I wake up sometime past noon, according to my watch and the blazing sun. Every muscle in my body protests. I can't believe I stayed sleeping in the same position. My joints have all locked now and it's physically painful to set them right. I notice the clothes I'm in and last night hits me like a tornado all over again. My breath hitches as the panic resurfaces. I reach out and grab the bottle of water on the table. I take in large gulps, choking a little. I turn to search for my phone once I catch my breath and find it lying on my table, face down. I turn it around and grimace at the notifications I've received.
I have fifteen missed calls from Itachi and about three dozen messages which I bypass reading. Guilt and shame and misery, God, so much misery grips my chest when I tap on his name and hesitate to hit call. Where should I even start apologizing from? What should I even say? I knew this day was coming! But this race against time is going to ruin this magnificent glass castle I'd built. It's going to shatter everything as it is. And I went and turned my back to the person I should have been beside. When it came to taking sides, he was the one who chose me. He has been fighting alongside me all this fucking time and yet, and yet, I chose to break his heart. Tears well up in my eyes.
I need him more than anything in the world right now. My hands cover my face and then I hit myself on the head. But seeing him right now might just kill me. In a second the guilt inside me has doubled. Why did I have to go ahead and say that? My heart cinches painfully. I don't have a face to show him. My thumb hovers over the call button but I swipe home instead and put my phone away.
Regardless of whether I'm ready for it or not, I need to go see Kurenai sensei. She's been waiting for me. I need to focus on this. I need to make a choice. This was inevitable, with or without Itachi. And now the onus is upon me, I make my way to the building where her office is. The panic rises again, right when I reach the floor of her office. I take deep breaths and knock on her door.
"Come in," she says, looking up from her paperwork. She smiles sweetly at me. Kurenai sensei is a younger teacher with beautiful black hair, a good height and eyes that look like they have red irises. They should have been creepy but they make her look gorgeous. "How've you been?" she asks politely as she motions for me to take a seat across her.
My jaw ticks with how hard I'm clenching it but I manage a polite nod and a tight smile. "I'm good. Thank you," I say politely. "I was…um…I was informed that you wanted to see me," I say.
She nods as she closes her file and opens another folder. She picks up a pen and clicks it with perfectly manicured fingers. "Yes. You need to tell me when you want to book your return flight," she looks at me hopefully and I feel the hurricane sweeping in.
I blink and clear my throat. "I think the twenty-fifth of September will be good," I manage politely. It's the same day I entered Japan a year ago. It only makes sense for me to go back the same day.
She scribbles it down and asks me a few more perfunctory questions before she makes me sign it. I answer them and sign before I stand up once she says she's done. I can't stand another minute here. "Thank you," I say, bow and exit before she can say anything back. I must have startled her but I don't care. I want to scream. Hysteria rushes in with the knowledge of how I've sealed my fate. The headache threatening to blind me erupts. Leaving my bike, I run. I run like the world is ending. I run till my lungs feel like they'll explode. My brain feels empty as it struggles for oxygen. I run like a fucking maniac. I only stop when the lack of oxygen makes me dizzy. I've run past the entrance of the university, straight towards the park. It takes a couple of backward glances to know I'm screaming. Tears fly in the wind as adrenaline forces every strained muscle to move.
The bench that now belongs to Itachi-sama and me beckons me. I launch myself at it. I sit there and pant harshly as I try to calm my breathing. My legs feel like they're never going to function again. Tears still pour down my face as I sit there and gaze at the water for a long time. His familiar scent greets me before his visage does. He's dressed in a simple white shirt and blue trousers. The bags under his eyes tell me how he's doing. I bite my lip to stop the noises from escaping. I've set the date to say goodbye to him. It feels like awaiting a death sentence.
He walks in front of me and then takes the seat next to me. It's still broad daylight but he puts his arm around my neck and pulls me to him. It happens again. The dam breaks as tears flow down my face. I can't do this. I can't walk away from a man who's my home. A man who loves me like this. His right-hand rubs circles on my back as he shushes me quietly. I clutch him to me as if I could morph us into one. Desolation grips me as I pour out my grief to this man for a second time. I've shown him this pitiful countenance twice but he doesn't walk away. Last night, I knew I hurt him beyond belief and yet he's here, holding me.
I quieten at length. Sobs wrack my body as I take deep breaths to calm myself. My face is a fucking mess and I know it. He passes me a pack of tissues and I take it gratefully, wiping my eyes and nose as best as I can. I crumple the tissue in my hand and pass him the pack back. I manage a smile at the tissues and then at him. "What? I live with a three-year old. Tissues are mandatory," he explains.
I close my eyes. How many times will I have moments like these when he can just read me like a book? How many more times will he be there to hold me? This slice of heaven which was awarded to me is being taken back. "I met my program in-charge today. I've requested," I sigh shakily, my head nestled against his shoulder, "I've requested her to book it for the twenty-fifth."
'Can I ask you a question?" I straighten myself as he turns towards me.
My king is taking permission for a change.
I smile at him. "Sure," I say.
The small smile he had on his face vanishes when he looks at me. "Do you really think I don't care about this?" he asks.
I look down. "I know you do. But I just had to be alone." I look at him. "I'm sorry about what I said. I shouldn't have…"
"Yes, you shouldn't have," Itachi's voice is quiet, almost cold. The only redeeming factor is that he doesn't remove his arm from across my shoulder.
I nod, unable to meet his eyes. "Do you really trust me so little?" Why do I keep doing things that are nothing but proofs of my distrust?
"I trust you with my life, Itachi-sama but this wasn't about you. This was about me." I try to explain.
"Then it automatically involved me Naruto. We talk about sharing our lives but you don't want to share yours. Am I just someone who's supposed to be with you for only your good times?" he removes his hand and looks genuinely angry.
I bite down my lip. Bottling things inside has always been an issue with me. If something happened to me, I kept it to myself. And last night I acted on it. Why am I so lame in front of only this man? "I'm sorry," I whisper softly. I'm overwhelmed with the regret in me. I never ever wanted to show him this side.
After our fight by the little stream, we'd stopped talking about my return. In a way, we were both too excited, too engrossed in the inevitability of us. What we have is something so precious, so special. Talking about it would only push this sadness forward. While it still feels like a miracle in some respects, I got this chance with this man. When I'd started on the quest of falling in love, he was absolutely unattainable. He was just someone I could covet. A part of me thinks that had things ended at me pining away for him, today wouldn't hurt the way it does. But then again, I also know now what it feels like to love someone like this. And to have that person reciprocate your feelings. Every day with this man has felt like a blessing.
"And still you managed to walk away like that after hurting me." He pulls away and leans forward. His anger rolls off him. "Why?" he asks.
"Because I would do something that I would regret for the rest of my life," I say. I look down at my hands, clasped tightly together on my lap. "Not that it didn't happen, but I needed space."
"Space for what?" he snaps.
"Space to figure my reality out. I just had to leave," I explain.
"At the cost of that happening to you?" he asks.
I frown at him. "What?"
"Kiba called me this morning. He told me you had a panic attack," Itachi looks at me with so much hurt, fresh tears well up again. I haven't cried this much in ages. His own eyes fill with tears. "What if you'd been alone Naruto? What if you'd passed out? What if something had attacked you? Anything could have happened! Can you even imagine how I felt when I heard this?"
Damn Kiba and his stupid mouth. I should have told him to not tell anyone. Well, to be fair, I'd assumed he wouldn't tell anyone. And especially not tell Itachi. Am I really horrible at reading people? I want to punch the daylights out of him. Itachi must have worried so much! And after what I'd said… It isn't Kiba who's the idiot. It's me. "I'm sorry," treacherous, fat droplets of water sneak down my cheeks. "I'm just so sorry!"
"I get that this must have been very hard to take in. But maybe, you could have, for one second considered my feelings. I needed you Naruto." His tone is soft. It belies the harsh words. My own harsh words emerge. The line I crossed on purpose just to get away.
"I'm sorry for what I said. I can understand why you'd be hurt," I say.
He looks like he wants to slap me. "Do you really think I'm angry because of what you said? You chose to walk away when I needed you Naruto." He stops and tears trickle. "When you needed me. Can you understand this feeling of watching someone you love hurting?"
I look at his face. I know. I can see it in front of my eyes.
"I know and I'm sorry about that. But you have to understand that I just had to leave to clear my head. If I had stayed, I myself don't know what I'd have done. I'm…uh…I'm not sure I was incapable of violence at that moment. I would have gone and done something irreparable to Sasuke." I look up at him. "I think now's the perfect time to warn you that this will happen in the future as well. When things get too much, I need time to myself to process them. Otherwise I can't function." I tell him.
"Did it help?" he asks, his voice carefully wiped clean of every emotion. "Did it clear your head? Bring you back to your senses?"
It didn't. I've been nothing but a mess since last night. My head is all over the place. "No." I look down morosely.
"Good." I deserve that little barb so I stay quiet. He continues looking towards the water and doesn't say anything to me. I bend down and wrap a hand around his torso. "I get that you wanted to escape. What is it that we can't confront? Do you not think I'm man enough to take it? What are you so afraid of? I'm right here Naruto! Haven't I always answered when you called? Then why not last night?"
"Because I was not prepared for what transpired, okay? Because here, right here, is the world that I want to live in even when I know I'm just a temporary visitor. And my visit is coming to an end." I answer sadly. "It was all just too much to take."
Itachi puts a hand to my cheek. "But you knew this day was going to come someday. Weren't you prepared?"
"Were you?" I ask him, my voice laced with steel.
He frowns at me, clearly irritated. "This isn't about me."
Would I have reacted the same way had I mentally braced myself for this fall? Could I have just stoically nodded and gone back to the movie before Sasuke like nothing special had happened? No. I know either ways, the blow struck would hit just as hard. Even if I'd had hour-long debates about our future with Itachi, bringing up my return would have still hurt just the same. "It wouldn't have mattered."
"Why?"
"Because either ways, I'll be leaving you. And that's something I'll never be ready for," I say, swiping a hand across my eyes. It should surprise me how I still have tears left to cry. But the sorrow doesn't leave me. The clock ticks louder and louder with the pounding of my heartbeat. The pain is rising again. It's making me see red. My trapped inner beast wants to take time in its hands and tear it apart. Exactly like how it slits me apart with every tick, every second. I want to drink this man in, drown in his words. Every place I visit in my life, I want him beside me. I want him forever. My arms squeeze him to me, helpless with wanting him near me.
"But you're not leaving me," he says, smiling softly at me.
"What does that mean? Gay marriage is not legal in Japan, Itachi-sama!" I blurt out.
"I know that!" he snaps back.
My expression turns meek at once. I push out my arm for a hug and he comes to me pliantly and I bend down and press a cheek to his forehead. "You'll have to give me a year before I can come back to you," I make a new vow. The hope that I'll be clinging to now. My old vows stand as they are but this one, this is the one that decides my future. I know what to do when I get home. Call me crazy but I'll move heaven and earth to be together with him. From the moment my hand met his, I knew this was it.
"I'll give you three. I want us to date till then. If we survive three years, then ask me again." He smiles at me.
I'd wait for years if I was getting a forever with him. I swallow. "Fuck! It's going to be so hard to live without this. Without you." I hold him gently to me. His strong heartbeat sounds under my ear.
"About that, it's a little romantic but I'd like to call it a little parting." He blushes cutely as he looks away.
So many odds against us but this man just says everything with so much conviction, it's marvelous. My days with him will have to end for the little parting. "Yeah. I like that."
Itachi smiles and kisses my hand. "Good," he says.
This man, one day. I swear.
My stomach rumbles as the buzzer chooses to go off. We're dining in the food court at the mall near the university.
I get up and make my way to the window where our bowls of ramen are laid out, alongside gyoza. I line them neatly on the tray and after adding all the required cutlery, I make my way back to the table. Kiyoshi has been whisked away by his grandmother. Itachi tells me it's a common occurrence in their household.
I shove a mouthful of my favorite ramen and chew it down, relishing the flavor of the broth with the beef and the noodles. This place makes good ramen. I wipe my mouth at look at him, a sudden thought putting a damper to my buoyant mood from earlier. "If you were to move to my country, won't your parents miss you and Kiyoshi?" I ask.
Itachi wipes his own mouth. "I guess they will, but they won't have a choice." he shakes his head.
A nasty thought niggles at the back of my head. I clear my throat. This really is a subject I've avoided like the plague. My fingers start curling the edge of a tissue paper in nervousness. "What about…" I clear my throat again. "What about Kiyo's mother? Will she be okay with it?" I ask.
Itachi puts down his chopsticks and sips his tea for a second. "My ex -wife wants nothing to do with Kiyoshi. She didn't even want to share his custody." Pain lurches in my chest for Kiyoshi. Maybe someday she'd want to see him. It would be easier for them if they stayed here.
"But still…" I trail off when he looks irritated.
"You've met me after traveling a thousand miles. Let me at least return the favor?" He briefly touches my hand.
"I would want for nothing more than that. If you stay, a forever with you is enough." I squeeze his hand and smile at him.
"You keep mentioning forever. And I know we've talked about it but don't you think you're consistently proposing marriage?" he says slowly. My heart thuds madly in my chest.
"So what if I am? Would you say yes, if I did?" I ask him, planting my elbow on the table and placing my chin on it as I regard him.
"Hmm, who knows? All the proposals I've seen are just big and fancy. And here we are in the food court of a mall. I'm not saying I expected a million roses but if you'd pulled out a big, fat diamond ring, I'd have definitely considered it," he says, batting his Showa eyelashes at me. "So, Naruto-kun, no ring no marriage," he shrugs.
I laugh when I regard him. "Oh? That's a shame!" I shrug just like him. "I mean, this is all your loss, milady! I mean, people line up wherever I go, fawning at my sheer perfection. Where else would you find a man like me?"
He crinkles his nose as if it's been assaulted by an acrid smell. "Do you smell it too?" he asks, demurely placing a hand under his nose.
"Smell what?" my smile widening. I play along just for his sake. I know where this is going.
Itachi looks at me disdainfully. "Why, Naruto-kun, the smell of your narcissism, what else?"
I grin at him and say nothing.
He grins back. I want to kidnap him for the night. I want him all to me. I want to make up for yesterday. I want to make plans for a future that feels like it is within my grasp. The things this man makes me feel I can achieve…
"Could you fetch the soy sauce, please?" he asks, smiling cutely at me.
That's it. He is mine for the night.
I bow grandly as I stand up. Several people turn to look at us. Itachi grins self-consciously.
"Anything for you, milady king," I say.
I watch my favorite shade of red on his cheeks as he bends down to laugh.
Anything for this.
My research paper is not due till mid-August so I've been lax about it. But an email from the University a week after the panic attack, conforming the dates for the farewell party that shall follow the graduation ceremony sure puts a limitation on my fun time. Telling Itachi limits it even further when he tells me we're only going to meet once I've completed my work. I thought all I had to do was tying up loose ends but Tenten-san has given me something more to work with. Ergo, I've once again taken to quiet corners of the library or Starbucks. I'm turning over an uninteresting book I borrowed from the library when Kiba bounces up to my table. He takes a seat. "What's up?" he asks me.
I close the book and take a sip of my coffee. "Some leftover work."
"Ugh Naruto! Were you always this sincere?" he asks me, making a face.
"I am now," I close the book and look at him. "What's up with you?" I ask.
"I'm bored. I wanna go somewhere," Kiba makes a face at me like it's my fault.
"What happened to your girlfriend?" I ask him, raising a brow.
He makes a sad face. "She's busy with her submissions. What about you? Where's Itachi-san? Has he already abandoned you in favor of someone else?"
As if! That idiot lover of mine is too hell-bent on prioritizing my education. "He's busy," I say.
"Then we're both free. Let's go out man." Kiba makes a pleading face.
I sigh. "Where do you wanna go?" I ask, putting the book in my backpack before standing up.
Kiba shrugs. "Let's hit the mall," he suggests suddenly.
I ponder over this for a second. I have no plans of my own. "Alright."
Kiba instantly makes a victory sign and stands up.
I follow him.
"Are you seriously considering getting those?" I dubiously eye the pair of socks Kiba is holding in his hands. There are pictures of cute dogs on it.
Kiba sticks out his tongue at me and puts the socks in the basket.
I move away from him to peruse various items displayed on the shelves in the variety store.
"No you don't need it," a stern voice says before the owner of the voice returns an object to the shelf and moves forward. A Kiyoshi-sized kid pouts cutely at his dad. I bet Kiyoshi would produce a pout the same way. But the man too familiar with his child's antics, just shakes his head and moves forward. I wonder if my lover has had an experience similar to this. The child is not to be deterred as he calls out to his father and stands there stubbornly. The father looks torn before he finally picks up the object and gives it to the child making him squeal in delight. They hold hands and the kid totters away happily.
If it were Kiyoshi, I'd buy him what he wanted even if Itachi told him no.
I chuckle softly and shake my head.
Kiba walks up to me. "What the hell are you laughing by yourself like a creep for?" he asks me.
"Just that, children are so cute." I mutter absently as I bend down to pick up a kitchen knife. It's white and covered in pink flowers. It comes with its own sheath cover. Bet Mom would like it.
"While holding a knife like that?" Kiba laughs when I quickly put the knife back and straighten.
I laugh self-consciously. "Which reminds me, Itachi-san has a child, no?" Kiba asks as he picks up the knife I put down and inspects it.
I nod. "Yup. He's called Kiyoshi. He's three and he's the best kid in the world."
Kiba chuckles as he puts the knife back. "I see you've managed to befriend the son." He pats my shoulder like a proud dad. "Good job," he says.
I laugh before we make our way to the counter and pay for our stuff. Kiba is suggesting getting burgers for dinner when I spot the bookstore. Kiba groans when I grab his hand and drag him towards it. Once we make our way inside, I immediately move towards the manga section. It lies a little to the back of the store beside the kids' section. I'm walking by an aisle of picture books when I hear, "If you don't get up now, I'm going to leave you here."
The voice is familiar. Too familiar. My lips turn up when I spot Itachi looking at his son with a serious face. He doesn't see me. Instead, he reads the blurb of some picture book completely ignoring his son. And Kiyoshi, holy god, the little tyke lies down spread eagle on the floor before he starts moving his hands and legs and wailing loudly. Many people passing by turn to look at him. Itachi just covers his face and ignores his child. Kiyoshi closes his eyes and continues wailing.
I touch my lover's shoulder startling him before bending down and smiling at Kiyoshi. "How can I help you little man?" I ask him. Immediately Kiyoshi leaps up and puts his arms around me.
"Naruto!" he exclaims, bawling loudly. "Daddy is being mean!"
Itachi squats beside him and peers at his son. "What did you do?" I ask my lover as I wipe Kiyoshi's tear-streaked face with my sleeve.
"Daddy's not buying me the book I want," Kiyoshi sobs with even more theatrical panache.
"What book do you want?" I stand up and move to stand beside the shelves.
"That one," he points at a blue book beside where my lover sits. "But Daddy won't buy it for me."
"Can I buy it for you?" I ask him quietly.
His eyes widen to saucers as he smiles instantly and then he nods. "Yes."
"Yay!" I grin happily. He looks at his father smugly and sticks out his tongue.
Itachi rolls his eyes. "He already has three copies of it. Ignore him."
"Another one won't hurt," I say, picking up the book again like a stubborn toddler and sticking out my tongue at him.
"Don't even think about it," he says silkily, snatching the book now and putting it back.
We can argue here for a lifetime and I'd still love it. "Shush! This is between us. You stay out of it." Itachi raises his brows at me. The ones that make him look threatening for a reason. The look that makes me meek instantly. But I refuse to cower down. Finally, he sighs and relents. I smile at my personal victory.
I hand the book to Kiyoshi who giggles happily and begins to read from it. I ruffle his hair before turning to look at Itachi, ecstatic at this coincidence.
"Fancy bumping into you here!" I say quietly, smiling at him.
He smiles at me happily. "Fancy bumping into you! Aren't you supposed to be studying?" he asks me.
"I was but then I got bored." I tell him. "What about you? Aren't you supposed to be working?" I ask him.
"I was. But the sequel of a book I like came out today so I decided to drop by." He smiles at me again. "Good thing I did." I turn to him and smile.
"Naruto and Daddy are flirting again!" Kiyoshi gushes happily from behind me and a laugh sounds making me look up. Kiba walks up to us and squats before Kiyoshi.
Itachi's face reddens when he looks at Kiyoshi. "Not so loudly!" Itachi mutters softly from beside me as he covers his face with his hands, making me laugh.
"Good evening, Itachi-san," Kiba greets my lover like they're neighbors who met in the convenience store by coincidence.
"Good evening, Kiba-kun," my beloved tries to smile pleasantly at him but it comes off awkward. I link my fingers with my lover's. Kiba rolls his eyes before he looks back at Kiyoshi.
"Hi!" he greets, waving a hand. "I'm Kiba, Naruto's friend."
My little Kiyoshi smiles up at me when I nod before he grins at Kiba. "Hi. I'm Kiyoshi, Naruto's friend."
The greeting makes me grin extra wide and drop a kiss to the top of his head. Kiba lets out a laugh as he lifts his hand for a handshake. "The pleasure is all mine," he smiles.
He grins when Kiyoshi grins. "Do you like anime like Naruto does?" Kiyoshi asks seriously.
Kiba nods. "I love anime!" he smiles at Kiyoshi who giggles. "Do you like anime Kiyoshi-kun?" he asks the little kid who nods eagerly before looking up at us and smiling.
"I like Kiba-kun," he proclaims.
Kiba ruffles his hair playfully. Kiyoshi lets out his megawatt smile at him. Kiba squats on the floor and they begin talking about anime and my lover turns to me. "You came along with Kiba, I see."
"Yup. He was bored and so was I," I stop and look at him. "Does his presence make you uncomfortable?" I ask him.
Itachi flicks me on my forehead before shaking his head. "You worry about the silliest things Naruto!"
I glance at the book he has in his hand. "That the book you wanted to purchase?" I ask him, taking it from his hand when he holds it out. I subtly brush his fingers with mine and he stiffens and looks at me warningly. I look down and hide my smirk, pretending to studiously read the back. I look up once I've composed myself. Kiba is still entertaining Kiyoshi and he looks like he's loving it.
"What are your thoughts on food?" I ask him, stifling a grin.
He smirks back. "Aside from the fact that it's a basic necessity?" he raises a teasing brow at me. "I like it. I like it very much."
I laugh. "Okay, let me narrow it down. How do you feel about burgers?" I ask.
Itachi runs a hand through his hair as if he's deep in thought. "Burgers sound perfect."
I nod before walking back to the two kids. "Let's go. We're getting burgers!"
"And French fries?" Kiba and Kiyoshi ask in unison. They turn towards each other and grin excitedly.
"Of course," Itachi says smiling as he walks up to us. "Let's go. I'm famished."
Kiyoshi walks up to me and raises his arms. "Yay!"
I grin before I lift him up once again and make my way to the payments counter.
"I know it's kind of late to say this but sorry to drag you into the dinner plan just like that." I say quietly.
Kiba waves the apology away casually. "It's no problem, really. I had fun." Kiba says.
"I hope you weren't forcing yourself to talk to Kiyoshi," I say, wringing my hands a little nervously.
Kiba slaps my arm. "What are you saying? Kiyoshi and I are best of friends already."
Relief pours in. "I see you befriended the son," I throw his words back as casually as I can belying the happiness I'm relishing. We're making our way back to the dorms from the parking lot where Itachi dropped us. It was hard to say goodnight to them. Itachi briefly touched my hand before I nodded and exited.
Kiba snorts before he grabs me by the neck. "Smart mouth as always," he comments. He lets me go and sighs. His parting from Kiyoshi was dramatic in its own rights. Their newfound friendship on mutual anime had deepened at some point in the night. Kiba had ruffled Kiyoshi's hair more than I ever have. That caused a bit of jealousy to rise in my chest. "That boy is just hard to dislike."
"Tell me about it!" I grin at him.
"Yup. I can see why you're so crazy about them." Kiba smiles at me. "They are very charming."
"Ahem," I clear my throat, "Did you just say them or did I mishear you?" I ask.
Kiba grabs me in a headlock and hits me upside the head. "Uzumaki Naruto, this much jealousy is one day going to land you behind bars!"
I laugh even as I struggle to get out of his grasp. "I'm not that bad okay," I wheeze slightly once I'm out of his grasp. He has a very strong hold.
"Yes, you are. And just in case you forgot, I have a very, very cute girlfriend." Kiba smiles at me, looking completely smitten.
"Cute she is," I say thoughtfully.
"I know. But thanks," he grins cheekily and makes a peace sign.
"Don't you feel possessive about her?" I ask him.
Kiba ponders over this for a moment. "I am. Of course, I'm not okay with people flirting with her, but I'm open to other people complimenting her."
"Why? Doesn't it bother you that someone could be seeing the things you love about her?" I ask quietly.
"Idiot! I like it when people notice her. I want her to shine anywhere she goes." Kiba laughs. "Don't you feel the same for Itachi?"
We reach the semi-circle and I glance morosely at the center where my lover had once stood and waited for me before looking back at him. "I do. And I'm damn proud of him. But anytime someone does so much as look at him, I want to yank their eyeballs out."
Kiba covers his eyes. "Next you'll be telling me you want to lock him somewhere," he rolls his eyes.
I do. Itachi knows I do. But Kiba's words open another avenue of thought inside me. Kiba is so mature about his relationship while I'm nothing but a petulant child.
I want to see her shine.
My Itachi-sama shines wherever he goes. Of course, people will notice.
It's time I grow up a little.
That same mature Kiba looks at me with a twinkle in his eye. "Last one to the door is shit!" he laughs delightedly as he begins to sprint.
Jesus Christ!
I race after him.
Kiyoshi laughs as I pick him up. Naked joy dances in his eyes when he looks into my eyes. I'm in love with this child. He can make anything better by just one look. "Sunshine!" he greets.
I smile as I ruffle his hair playfully. "Hi," I greet him and his grin widens. I pull out a bar of chocolate I bought specifically for him when I found out he has a sweet tooth. I want to lavish him with all his favorite things.
Kiyoshi takes it and I push my cheek closer to his mouth. He leans up and smacks a kiss against my cheek.
Mission accomplished.
I laugh infectiously at him. He truly is a beacon of light, just like his father. Speaking of whom, Itachi stands beside us, leaning casually against the wall of the entrance, eyeing us quietly. My smile automatically widens when I see him. Right now, at this moment, I feel complete. He fights a smile as he tries to glare at us. "You're spoiling him rotten, you know," he remarks quietly.
My smile morphs into a knowing smirk. I kiss the side of Kiyoshi's head. "What can I do? I love you!" I kiss his cheek now. I laugh when Kiyoshi presses his face in my neck, all shy and embarrassed.
"Please don't encourage him," he mutters.
"But he's your son, Itachi-sama! How can I not love him?" I ask.
He sighs. He licks his lips and immediately my eyes move to them then back up to his face. But he looks agitatedly at me. He leans closer till his mouth is near my ear and then he harshly whispers, "I'm already fighting my brother and now I feel like I might just have to fight my son. And I don't want that. So please don't egg him on."
I turn my head to kiss that dark crown of his head. "But he's just so adorable, Itachi-sama! I love him as much as I love you!" I plead my case.
Itachi raises his eyebrows at that. "As much as you love me?" he asks, his voice quiet, so quiet.
My heart picks up pace.
"Well, there's someone else I love just as much," I smile at him. My mouth is dripping with cheese tonight. "Perhaps even more," I say. I lift my left hand which is free and nod to him. "All he has to do is walk in here," I say, smiling at him. He hesitates for a second but walks up to me and slides his arms around me. He squeezes me gently and it really feels like coming home.
Kiyoshi looks up from where he was softly breathing, his head nestled in my neck. He looks seemingly oblivious to his own father in my other arm. Maybe he's gotten so used to it, he thinks it's natural? The thought makes me smile. I want him to grow up in an environment that's free from all sorts of prejudice. "Yes, sweetheart?" I ask, smiling at him. My smile widens some more when his hands tighten around my waist.
"Naruto, will you marry Daddy?" his words almost brings me to my knees.
"Yes." I turn to regard his father. He smiles at me. Something sparks in my veins. "In three years I will," I make a sad face at him. "And then we can be together, forever." I say my eyes boring holes into midnight ones that shine with an emotion so tender and sweet, my lips tilt up.
"How long is three years Daddy? Tomorrow? Day after tomorrow?" My eyes turn to Kiyoshi's to find him looking confused at his father.
I raise my hand to a certain height above his head. "By the time you grow this tall?" I muse.
He looks at the height and then nods at me. "Understood."
Itachi laughs softly before he ruffles his son's hair. He looks at me and then at his son. "It's long. Very long."
Argh! I want to make this man mine right away!
"It's not that long," I say, holding him tighter. "It'll be over before you know it!" I tickle him and he giggles.
"Not that long, eh? Tell me that after you're done crying over a video call!" Itachi murmurs in my ear.
When I'm away from him, every second, every minute feels an hour long. Three years are going to kill me. Isn't that why I've been proposing to him left and right?
"Then I'll just have to get my act together and achieve everything you expect of me as soon as I can, right? Who knows, maybe the big, fat ring you want will make its way faster on your finger?" I waggle my eyebrows at him and he smiles.
"I hope so. I'd like that very much." He leans his forehead to mine and smiles.
"You're flirting again," Kiyoshi complaints, making me laugh when Naruto turns red and smiles shyly.
"Sorry," I blurt out immediately but I don't let go of Itachi.
Kiyoshi rolls his eyes.
"I have a plan! I've decided I want to spend every free minute with you. How about that?" Itachi slides his hand up my nape gently.
Itachi smiles. "I think that is a fantastic plan."
He leans up and kisses his son's cheek before he turns and surprises me with a kiss on my cheek.
Kiyoshi smiles happily at us.
If this gives me ample time with the love of my life, this time the joke's on time.
This happiness is mine and mine alone.
They're my family.
For the next week, I stick to Itachi's side like gum. Every single day I've woken up to me in his arms, his smile lazy and sated. We've brushed our teeth beside each other and after a five-minute shower negotiation, we've showered together every morning and bathed together ever since.
If there is something that has changed, it's the fact that Sasuke treats me like air. After all the shitty things he's said, I'm only too happy to return the favor. But he extends the same courtesy towards his brother. I know how much this saddens my lover. I want to do something for them but I know the only thing that can please Sasuke is the one thing I can't do.
The most wonderful thing about being joined at the hip is that now I know Itachi's schedule like the back of my hand. I use the time I get at his shop to trim the edges and compile my research. His feedback only serves as an added bonus. And that's not even the best part. The grand plan I had once conceived about painting this place will memories of us is now in full fruition. When there's no one around, there really is no stopping us. Oh and I have to say, that bookshelf I fell in love with at first sight? Well, let's just say it now belongs to us. We've christened it in ways that make me feel hotter than I should.
I sigh sadly when I remember I need to return the books I borrowed from the university library. They are due today. I put my arms around him as I place my chin on his shoulder. "I'm going to the university today."
"Alright?" he says.
"I need to return some books," I say, smiling at him.
"Okay. I can drop you," he says. We've been taking his car to the shop every day.
I shake my head. "Nope. I'll take the bus and go. Don't worry," I say, pressing a kiss to his forehead and then to the tip of his nose.
"I'll be back as soon as I can. I've got to stop by my room too," I say and he nods.
We kiss and then I turn around to leave.
If only all our partings could be as temporary as this…
No. I'm not going to dwell on this. The hope that Itachi's given me feels like a flame burning bright in my chest.
One day, this will be our future.
I walk hurriedly towards my bike when my phone vibrates. I'm in the process of pulling it out to check it when I bump into a hard shoulder. The person trips and it's on reflex when I reach out and pull the person. Sasuke's midnight eyes look into mine before he looks away and smiles strangely. "Sorry about this," he says.
"It's alright…" He turns around and walks into the library before I can say anything further.
Rude bastard!
Kiba barges into my room without knocking. I look up at him confused. "Kiba, what the hell?"
He quickly walks up to me and holds out his phone. "Is this you?" he asks, his voice urgent. I put down my jeans to peer at his screen.
Premonition climbs up my spine as I look down when Kiba presses play. It's the scene from this afternoon. Except now the caption reads, "Blooming romance in campus!" followed by a handful of hashtags in support of LGBTQ rights and love for all.
"What the fuck?" I frown as I look at Kiba.
Kiba locks his phone and slides it into his back pocket. "That's my line! Care to explain?" he asks.
"I was coming out of the library when a guy bumped into me and when I thought he was about to fall. I didn't even know it was Sasuke till I righted him!" I run a hand through my hair. Just what the hell is Sasuke playing at?
"I know it's not true but are you cheating on Itachi-san with his brother?" Kiba lets out in a gush. He looks angry.
"Have you seriously lost it? What part of my face looks like it's in love with this asshole?" I ask him.
He shakes his head. "Yeah, I thought the same." He looks up at me for a second. "Does Itachi-san use Instagram?" he asks.
I shake my head. My lover has confessed of his newfound hatred for social media sites, especially Instagram. Something about idiots who post pictures of every second of their outdoor activities in Hokkaido. I don't even know who that is!
"Good. Then I don't think he'll know. Do you think Sasuke would show him this?" he asks, taking a seat on my bed and resting his head against the pillow.
I shake my head. "Even if he was to, anyone can see I was just breaking his fall. Forget it man. It'll die down soon."
Kiba bites his lip. "I don't know Naruto. I don't feel good about this."
My phone chimes in my pocket, making my heart skip a beat. I'm sure someone has sent me the proof of a misconstrued moment. I pull out my phone and check my notification. Immediately, I feel a million times lighter when I see Itachi's name on my screen.
"What do you want for dinner?"
"I don't care Kiba. He can do anything he wants but he can never come between Itachi and me."
Kiba turns to leave then stops and smiles at me. He lightly pats my back. "I hope so too."
I nod.
It's true.
I've wanted only a million and one times to tell Itachi about the incident. But these nights have all been spent on similar pillows, side-by-side. My arm lies under Itachi's head as we weave dreams of our future throughout the night. I'm surprised he hasn't seen anything yet seeing as he's also an alumni of the university. There's something not right here. Does he already know? Is he waiting for me to confess? But this is not a problem at all! I don't even like Uchiha Sasuke! Talk about going out with him!
But tonight Itachi's been so at ease with me, so normal. Had something like this happened, he would have definitely talked about this. Maybe he doesn't see Sasuke as a threat anymore? I hope he doesn't. I want to carve myself on the walls of his heart permanently. I want to rip my own out and show how he's the only man engraved there. "When we live together, I want us to get a pet!" I say suddenly.
"I prefer cats," he says without missing a single beat. "I've always wanted one. A black cat. We'll call it Amaterasu," he says excitedly.
Tension flows out of me at his excitement. "Whatever you want," I say, bending down to kiss his jawline. I've betted on these castles of sand myself and just by looking at his face, I know we're going to make every one of these dreams real.
I press his forehead to mine. "I want to give you everything you want, Itachi-sama! However you want."
"If I ask you for the truth, will you give it to me?" he asks.
"What do you mean?" My eyebrows draw together. Something inside me shifts. The tranquility of the moment we just had vanishes, like it never existed. This strong wave of resignation that comes from my lover has me on edge suddenly.
Itachi hums quietly. "I know, that you love me," he starts. "I also know what Sasuke is doing," I've noticed how he'd always refer to him as his "foolish little brother" as an endearment. But now it's always Sasuke. My breath catches. "I saw that gif today," he says. He turns to me; his languid eyes look up at me. There's no trace of any anger there. "I'm so, so sorry!" he says. His head lifts as he looks at me. Regret is painted all over his face.
I nod. We have both been yanked around by the noose around us for too long now. Sasuke can't keep playing this sick game of his. "What are you thinking?" I ask him as I gently run my fingers through his hair when he stays quiet for too long.
His eyes close at that, eyelashes casting luminous shadows on his cheeks. His breathtaking beauty always hits me hard in the chest. And to think that this perfection is all mine, does things to me which are far more beautiful than anything in the world. I raise my head and place it on my palm as I trace his long eyelashes with my thumb. His eyes open a second later and my fingers miss the texture already. He blinks a couple of times as he contemplates the question. He bites his lip. "Why didn't you tell me?" he says.
This question is loaded. My breath hitches as I look up at him. He sits up then. The night lamp from his bedside casts shadows over the whole room but I want it on, wanting nothing more than to see his expressions. "Tell you about the gif?" I ask. My palms are beginning to sweat. "I wanted to, I just didn't know how to," I say.
"Naruto you and I are making plans of a lifetime. We can't do this if you keep things from me. Especially things that involve my brother and stuff like this! People I've not seen since college are talking about it. They've asked me everything from whether Sasuke is gay to when the wedding will be." He pauses as he points an accusing finger at me. "Your marriage with Sasuke, Naruto! I don't even know what the hell is going on!"
Oh shit.
I turn my face away and then upwards for some courage. Anger slashes my insides. This is all so wrong! I lick my lips for a moment of composure. "Nothing is. You know there's nothing there!"
"I know that! But I don't get what he's playing at!" he runs a hand through his hair. "What is that lunatic thinking?" Itachi breathes out furiously.
"I wish I knew," I rub the back of my neck agitatedly. "People from anywhere and everywhere are wishing us the best of luck. It's disgusting. I've denied it each time someone's dared walk up to me but it just doesn't die," I force out agitatedly. There's a whirlwind cracking through the balmy calmness we were both sharing.
What the fuck was I going to say? Why in the fucking world did I choose to be honest now?
Itachi breathes hard as his jaw clenches when he looks at me. "Challenged you?" oh no. His voice is quiet, too quiet.
I curse under my breath. "He challenged me…that he," I look anywhere but at him. My eyes bore holes in the wall. Words he should never have to hear. "He'll...uh…so anything to break us up," I finish quietly. I run a hand through my hair, my eyes still fixed on the wall.
Itachi's eyes close. "I'm going to kill him," Itachi says as he runs his hands through his hair messily. "This is…this is messed up," his quiet voice is a giveaway to his anger. His hand grabs my face and turns it towards his. I'm not prepared for the pain I see in them. I take a deep breath and look away.
Honesty keeps fucking us over. "I'll deal with it. Don't worry," I place a tiny kiss to his forehead and muster a smile. I take his smell in, that perfect concoction created just for me. I need it now. It grounds me.
"You're doing it again, you know," he says, his voice the same quiet. I straighten immediately and look at him, puzzled.
"Doing what?" I ask.
"Shouldering everything by yourself. And he's doing shit to you and has probably planned to do more." His accusatory eyes look into mine. Here he is willing to give up a person he's loved all his life for another, and I've once again fucked it all up. Why hadn't I been honest when I'd promised him this?
"Honestly, he can't do shit." I shake my head airily. "I mean I'm leaving in another two months, so…out of sight, out of mind and all that…" I shrug and look at him in mock innocence. It's the first time I've made a joke about a topic we both run away from.
His eyes narrow as he looks at me. "You think this is the right time to joke?" its lower, his voice is lower than it has ever been. My blood chills.
"Uh…I mean, this shit will die down soon. Then everything will be back to normal, right?" I lean back and pull him to me. "I mean, it doesn't even bother me in the slightest, you know?" I confide in him.
"How can it not? In case you didn't understand what I told you, Naruto-kun," he speaks politely. "People, not just from your university but also around me think you two are dating. How in the world am I going to justify this?" His hand moves between us, pointing at us. "Justify us?"
This man is talking about telling his people about us. This is one of the most pivotal moments of my life. My hands gather him to me, love for this man pushing through. "Why should you say anything?" I ask him, the frenzy of emotions I feel for this man are going to kill me. "Just because you like a man doesn't mean you need to tell all your near and dear ones that you're dating someone of your own sex!"
Itachi's cheeks color. He blinks a couple of times as his eyes take their time to return to my face. "That's the part you just don't get, do you?" he laughs as he runs his fingertips to the underside of my jaw. He pulls my chin down till our lips almost touch. "It's to show everyone that's you're mine, Naruto." He kisses me quickly. "And I don't share what's mine." His smile melts some of the pain I feel. "I think it's time for us to go on a local date, don't you? Give people a chance to see us together." He takes away my power to speak with his endless courage.
"Wasn't it you who'd sworn us to secrecy?" I ask him teasingly. There is so much that's at stake for him here.
"And I'm the one who can take it back." His eyes melt when they meet mine. "Besides, none of them has seen me with you. I don't know what oblivious glasses Sasuke wore, but when I look at you, Naruto, you're all I see," his smile carries his genuine wonder.
"And I you," Call me sentimental but that feels like a vow. Today I'm more than ready to fulfill this vow to this man for all of eternity. Why would I waste my time looking at others when I can just gaze at him to my heart's content any time I want?
Itachi bites his lower lip after a soft chuckle. "This may sound crazy but, I you too."
I hold my Itachi-sama to me for a long, long while before we fall asleep.
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