It feels perfect.
I feel the beach surrounding me. The sand, the seagulls, the smell of hamburgers and hotdogs, the feeling of sand between my toes.
I look over and see my father, holding a video camera, trying to capture my mom helping my baby sister take her first steps into the ocean as she holds her by both of her hands. With my father distracted, my eight-year-old self makes a snap decision.
With his back turned to me, I grab a handful of wet sand and throw it at his back. He turns around and with a mischievous grin, starts chasing me around.
"Faster Tyler! Faster!" I can hear my mother yell as my dad runs after me around the beach, eventually catching me and picking me up into his arms.
But then, I wake up.
The beeping sound of my alarm clock takes me away from my dream as I roll over and hit the off button. I sit up and sigh, rubbing the small necklace around my neck with my thumb and my forefinger.
Just another dream. Just another memory.
I get myself out of my bed and start getting myself together for school whilst listening to sounds echoing throughout the house.
"Mom!" Claire hid my clarinet!" my 10 year old cousin Sydney shouts from downstairs.
"I can't find my pink sneakers!" my 7 year old cousin Claire shouts across the hall.
I put my tee shirt and jeans on and brush my hair amidst the noise, trying to block it out and pretend I don't live in probably one of the noisest houses on the block. I grab my backpack and head downstairs, almost bumping into Sydney in the hallway.
"Did you take my clarinet?" she demands of me whilst pointing her finger in an accusatory way.
I push the finger aside and brush past her. "No," I reply. "Did you look in the TV room?"
I leave my backpack by the door before heading into the kitchen to grab a pop tart. But, when I open the door to the pantry, a five year old boy in Stars Wars pajamas jumps out and into my arms.
"Gotcha!" My cousin Matthew says whilst giggling.
"Oh really?" I say in reply before tickling him. Placing him down, I grab a pop tart for myself and one for him too.
"Admit it Tyler! I scared you!" Matthew says as I close the pantry door.
"Ok ok, you scared me." I reply. "Anyway, why aren't you dressed yet?"
"Master Skywalker never has to get dressed in school clothes" he replies in his best Yoda imitation voice.
"You goofer" I reply back, rustling his hair.
He runs over to the counter to try to grab a gallon of milk off the table.
"Woah buddy, let me help you with that" I say quickly as I rush over and grab the milk before he tries to do it again. I pour him a glass in his favorite Superman cup as he sits in a chair by the table. He wipes his milk mustache with his sleeve. "Thanks Ty!" he sighs gratefully.
"No problem Master Skywalker" I say back.
I hear the footsteps of my aunt as she comes down the stairs and joins us in the kitchen.
Per usual, she's completely put together with hair perfect, stainless clothes, and heels. From an outside perspective, you never would've guessed she has kids. My mom used to tell me that her sister used to say for the longest time that kids would hinder her career, but then three popped out.
"Good morning" she says breezing into the kitchen. "Matthew Arthur! Why aren't you dressed yet?. We are not going to be late today" she says, walking over to the table, getting him out of the chair and pushing him towards the stairs.
"Remember, underwear first then pants!" she says to him before he runs upstairs to get dressed.
She turns her attention to making her coffee. "Did you sleep well?" she asks me, smiling.
"Yup, totally!" I reply, hopefully convincingly,
An awkward pause enters.
It seems as though all of the conversations between my aunt and I are made of awkward pauses these days. In these instances, I just do the usual drill; try to find something to do rather than just stand here and try to think of something to talk about. I turn to start emptying the dishwasher next to me. But when I open the dishwasher, I realize it's dirty.
Damn.
My aunt breaks the silence. "Listen, I hate to ask this last minute but Caitlyn canceled tonight because of a fever and we've got Sydney's clarinet concert. Do you think you could watch Matthew for a few hours?" she asks.
"Yeah, sure," I reply.
She sighs with relief whilst holding her coffee. "Thank you! You're a lifesaver" she says leaving the room. "Do you need…?"
I finished the sentence for her. "A ride? No, Peyton's picking me up. '' I reply.
Just like she does everyday
"Perfect!" she replies, her response echoing as she goes up the stairs.
I sigh as I leave the kitchen and start getting my backpack together. The family zips around me as Sydney runs by with her clarinet and Claire tries to make it out the door in a mismatched outfit before her mom makes her go upstairs and change. Everyone starts heading out the door and Matthew swallows me up for a hug while my aunt waves and my cousins zoom by me as they race to the car to get their preferential seat. As soon as the car leaves the driveway, the house is quiet again, giving me time to actually hear myself think.
As soon as I hear Peyton pull into the driveway, I grab my backpack and lock the door before heading outside.
We stride into school, barely managing not to get a speeding ticket on the way. Peyton can be a crazy driver. Even though we're best friends, we're pretty much opposites. Peyton breathes fearlessness and barely stresses over anything except every time her parents threaten to take her car away.
"If I get another speeding ticket, I swear to God my dad is going to go ballistic." she complains as she opens her locker. "It's like those stop signs literally come out of nowhere".
I met her two days after I moved into my aunt and uncle's house. Her mom and my aunt are friends and Peyton lives only 4 houses down from me. She is one of the few people outside of my immediate family who know my real situation.
She was the first person I met when I moved here and became the best distraction I could have ever asked for from everything I was trying to avoid facing in my nine year old life. Besides being one year older than me, she always had a scheme up her sleeve. Since that first day I met her, we've been running around non-stop doing things although her activities have shifted from toilet-papering her cousin Hunter's treehouse to tracking down which party has the most guys from the senior class. She's always a good distraction from the thoughts in my head, but I always stop myself from being completely open with her about everything going on.
"So I was thinking tonight after the soccer game, we could all go to the diner and grab some burgers with Hunter and the guys?"
"Mhmm" I responded. My brain is on auto-pilot as I shuffle through my locker with thoughts of the dream from last night, murking up my head.
"Faster Tyler! Faster!" I hear my mom shout.
"And then I was thinking we could go to a toga party and try beating Rob Lowe in the amount of beer we could drink?" she continues teasingly.
I realize she's caught me barely paying attention and I give her an embarrassed look.
I sigh
"Sorry, just thinking about a lot" I try to explain.
She puts her hand on my shoulder. "Everything ok?" she asks, looking into my eyes.
"Yeah totally" I respond quickly.
I try to shake it off and distract her with something else. "What did you say you were thinking tonight?" I ask.
"Post soccer game burgers with Hunter and the guys. Sounds good?" she asks as we start walking down the hall together.
"I wish I could, but my aunt needs me to watch Nathan tonight. The regular babysitter has a fever" I explain, over the shouts of my classmates in the hallway.
"That sucks," says Peyton.
I shake my head with a smile. "Could be worse, at least Sydney and Claire aren't gonna be there. Besides, now you get all the guys to yourself" I joke back to her as I nudged her shoulder.
"True, and when do I ever complain about that?" she jokes back and we laugh as we walk down the corridor together towards our English classroom.