Y/N's hands shook as you sat cross legged on the cold tile of your bathroom. The pregnancy test in your hand shook.
"Yes!" came a shrill voice from the living room. You peered in through the doorway and saw Pennywise lounging on the couch watching his favorite football game, his long clown legs propped up on the coffee table. His beer wasn't on a coaster and was leaving a ring.
You sat back against the toilet and squeezed your eyes closed. "Woohoo!" Came a cheer from the living room. You grit your teeth and opened your eyes to see the result.
The test finally produced it's result: :)
It was positive! You threw the box of smiley face pregnancy tests across the room and they bounced off the wall. You heard a shriek from the other room.
"Keep it down in there, I'm trying to watch the big game!" Then a giggle followed.
I was so nervous, I couldnt tell Pennywise, if I interupted his big game he would so angry that he may mow the lawn or start grilling with a furiosity that would shake the earth itself.
After my recent clown bender (clender) where I spent romantic time with many, many, many sexy clowns of all shapes, sizes, and skills, the father could be anyone. Over the weeks I did IT with ronald mcdonald, bozo the clown, jared leto as joker, arthur fleck, joaquin phoenix as joker, pennywise, papawise, heath ledgers joker, bob gray, bill skarsgard, ellewise, and jack nicolsen joker. I netflix and chilled with all of them. Clowns were so sexy and clownish to me that I could never say no to a single one.
In regard to clown culture I decided that there was only one way to find out who the father was. I decided to host a raging clown party and invite all the possible clown fathers and try to solve the mystery.
I had to find out who would pay clown support. Clown children weren't cheap, a young clown child needed money for balloon animals, big red noses, and fake flowers! I put on my own big red clown nose and sent out a mass text to all the possible clown papas.
I got some responses.
Arthur Fleck: I-i-i-i-i'll bb-bbb-b-b there
Heath Ledger's Joker: Sure, I'll show up. After all, we live in a society.
Ellewise: watch'u want hoe?
papawise: i'll arrive shortly with pleasure ;))))
jared leto as joker: [an explicit image of his *****)
I shivered with anticipation of seeing all my sexy clown lovers in one room, perhaps we would even have a sewer orgy.
The next day I arrived at Arthurs Fleck apartment with balloons and three kegs of beer. The guests would be arriving soon and I was ready to start my interrogation.
I walked to the table to put the balloons down and suddenly jared leto joker jumped out from under the table!
"Boo bitch!" He screamed, his sultry grill glinted in the sun and i suddenly wanted it be in my own mouth.
He held up a dead pig and grinned at my evily. I stared at his tattoo that said "damaged" across his forehead and he began to laugh. His laugh reminded me of a creaking door that squeaked silly.
As I waited for the other clowns to arrive I started flicking through Arthur fleck's dvds. Most of it was slam poetry about society.
A knock at the door broke me from my thoughts. Then I heard a key turn and was greeted with Arthur Fleck's solemn face. He had been crying.
"I forgot this was my own house!" He chuckled sadly, making a show of holding up his key. Jared Leto started growling at Arthur from across the room but I pulled out my horse crop from my pants pocket and wapped it threateningly on the kitchen table. That silenced him.
The front door was still open and Ellewise and Bozo arrived in the doorway. Bozo was still on his unicycle. Both Ellewise and Bozo had their hair tussled like they just had a fun romp in the hay.
Ellewise shoved Bozo behind her and he almost fell off his unicycle. She stomped inside, her gold tooth glinting in the fluorescent lighting.
"Where's some Mike's Hard Lemonade!?" She screamed.
"I can't have any since I'm carrying a clown child and one of you is the father!" I said angrily, pushing my (your hair color) hair over my shoulder.
Ellewise sighed. Jared Leto was too busy picking the peeling paint off of Arthur Fleck's apartment and eating it to hear what was being said. Arthur Fleck suddenly dropped his pill bottle in shock and the pills scattered all over the kitchen.
He suddenly punched his refrigerator and left an impressive dent. "I can't take care of a child! I can barely take care of myself!"
Arthur Fleck leaped onto the counter and began pacing the short length of the island.
At this time there was a knock at the door. The knockees let themselves in. It was Ronald Mcdonald and Papawise.
"Where is my useless son?" Slurred Papawise, who was clearly drunk. He waltzed over to the keg and held it with both hands and started chugging it. Jared Leto as the Joker cheered him on. Arthur Fleck was on his back laying on the island, all limbs limp.
Ronald Mcdonald put on a cheerful smile and had his arms full of Mcdonald products.
"Where should I put these?"
Y/N responded, "Just over there." You pointed to the island and Ronald placed the bags of fast food on top of Arthur.
You started getting hungry from all the waiting and went to Arthur's pantry.
Upon opening it you found a familiar face, Bob Gray was hunched under the shelves, helping himself to a barrel of clam chowder and a side of corn bread. He scooped the chowder with a wooden spoon, slurping sensually. "Close the damn door, it's too bright out there!"
You complied and turned to see more friends joined the party. Heath Ledger's Joker, Bill Skarsgard, and Telltale's Joker had arrived, who brought his husband Bruce Wayne with him. All that left was...
"Pennywise! Where's Pennywise?" Papawise asked, helping himself Mcdonald's Mcdonalds. Ronald smiled at the fact.
With a menacing creak the door opened, revealing the silhouette of a very large clown man. I could see the outline of his stay at home mother haircut that poofed out at the sides. I could even see the outline of a very bulbous forehead and I got a little flustered.
Then I realized it was Pennywise! The room fell silent with fear as each of my other clown mistresses shifted nervously.
"Surprise!" Yelled Jared leto joker. He thought it was a surprise party, he had more braun than brains.
Pennywise glared around the room with an angry giggle. "Hello..." He said quietly and Papawise took a step forward.
"There's my useless clown son." He slurred and put a hand on his shoudler. "Let's do a kegstand as father and son."
"You're a deadbeat and a whore." Pennywise hissed and pushed his drunken father away.
Bob Gray crawled out of the closet with clam chowder dribbling down his chin.
"My friend. My old friend!" Bob said as he grabbed Pennywise's shoulder and shook it, spilling some clam chowder onto Pennywise's tufts.
Pennywise made a disgusted noise and shoved him away with full force, clam chowder splatting on the ceiling.
Bob gray fell flat on his back and Arthur sat up from his trance to see what all the fuss was about.
"What about me?" Spoke a sultry voice. It was Bill. "I better not get the same welcome." Bill snarled, stalking towards Pennywise. Pennywise's hair stood up on end like I had seen when my neighbor's dog was being aggressive. I instantly knew I had to get out of the way.
"Everyone get back!" I yelled. All my clown lovers got thrown against the apartment walls from the supersonic scream that emanated from Pennywise's Maw. All except Bill, who stood toe to toe with him.
"Scared little boy?" Bill growled.
"I'm not real enough for you Bill?" Pennywise screeched and he slapped Bill across the face like a character from the bad girls club.
Bill snarled sexily and jumped on Pennywise! He swung his fist against Pennywise's large head with a loud sickening crack. His large hand didnt even hit a third of Pennywises giant head.
"Don't hurt him!" I yelled, unsure which one I wanted to be left safe.
Just then Bob Gray jumped into the fight and the smell of clam cowder filled the room.
"I'd be a better role model for this baby than either of you!" Bob yelled and he kicked Bill in the crotch.
Pennywise took the advantage to kick Bob in the crotch, but while Bob was going down he swung out his long gangly leg and kicked Pennywise in the crotch as well, so all three were on the ground holding their crotches.
All three groaned in unison and the other possible clown dads had playful banter.
Telltale Joker said, "Yowch! But I do like that when Bruce does it in the bedroom. Heh heh." Bruce gave Telltale Joker a playful wink.
Arthur Fleck got off the counter and offered the three of them some of his pills.
Papawise was passed out in a corner covered in hamburger wrappers and Jared Leto was drawing "Damaged" on his forehead with a sharpie.
Bozo and Ellewise were having a makeout session on the couch, oblivious.
Suddenly Y/N felt a hard kick on your stomach, and heard a faint honking noise coming from inside. The baby was coming right now!
"I'm having this baby y'all!" You wailed. That got everyone's attention, everyone stood and began to prepare.