A blanket of sadness spread over the room as me and my clown lover(s) looked at Arthur Fleck's pathetic lifeless ashes on the cold tile morgue table. Only a bright red clown nose remained piled atop where we guessed his nose might be. Arthur Fleck finally burned down his house with him inside due to all his mental illnesses.
I looked to a box of his personal effects and smiled fondly at all the memories they brought. Pill bottles. Those were good times.
I gazed upon my crew and heard a soft weeping sound. Ronald Mcnaldo, the man with the heart of gold and the giant clussy, was spilling forth his emotions onto ellewise's shoulder.
Bozo looked at Ronald sexily and knew the three were going to have a very emotional bang-session.
"I can't believe this happened before Christmas day…" cried Ronald.
Pennywise rolled his eyes and yelled "Bah!"
We all had a respectful moment of silence. Suddenly it was broken by Pennywise's scratchy voice.
"Let's get on with it." He snidely remarked. He waltzed over to the ashes clownishly and prized the nose from his Arthur fleck's dust.
"He won't be needing this anymore." Pennywise sneered selfishly as he stuck the red clown nose in his clown pocket.
"He wanted to be buried with his clown nose!" Bozo cried and Pennywise slapped him.
Bozo wailed, "Arthur's family will die of despair if they find out their family heirloom was stolen!"
"Then they had better do it and decrease the surplus population!"
His words shellshocked the funeral home-goers and the air was still.
"Good day." Barked pennywise as he walked out.
Pennywise got into his 2019 black jaguar and sped out of the funeral home. The tires of his new car splashed dirty puddles into the faces of the many clown vagrants that littered the streets.
"Please, sir, we're very hungry!" One clown child begged at him when he was at a stoplight.
The child peered up at pennywheezer and pennywheezer peered down at him. He lowered his sunglasses and silently rolled up his window. The child's fingers barely got out of the window in time or else they would have been crushed.
"Dumb sluts!" Pennywise yelled at the unfortunate and starving clowns as he went 50mph over the speed limit.
Pennywise walked up to his five story mansion and jangled with his keys. He looked up to insert it into the lock but was met with ARTHUR FLECK'S! ghostly face.
He fell backwards down the stairs and did a somersault to get away from him. He peered up the stairs and was met with a plain door.
"Must've been my slutty imagination..." He wondered.
He made sure to triple lock his doors.
"Can't be too careful with those poverty stricken vagrants..." He mumbled under his breath.
He entered the dark home and got dressed into his long clownjamas. It included a long sockish-hat that draped over his shoulder and gold-infused robes and slippers.
He sank into a chair in front of his fire place and said softly…"Bah Humbug. Those sluts think of no one but themselves…" And fell asleep, the heart monitor beeping him to sleep.
The sound of jingling awakes Pennywheezer from his sweet dreams.
"Who's there?" He spoke sharply into the darkness from the hospital bed.
The darkness said nothing to him in response. "Sluts." He said to nobody in particular.
He repositioned his pillow to the cool side and sighed.
"Wake up pennywheezer…" A whisper called out from behind the door.
Pennywheezer made a disgruntled noise into his pillow and actively ignored the voice.
5 seconds passed.
"WAKE UP PENNYWHEEZER!" Then suddenly it sounded all at once as if all the chains in bozo's sex dungeon were there in that room with him.
"Who…Who's there?" Shook pennywheezer, clutching his night cap and hospital sheets.
A ghostly form bust in through the hospital door, the sound that he originally thought were chains revealed themselves to be pills scattering on the floor.
"Pennywheezer..." Spoke a familiar voice.
"Go away you dumb ass for hire!" Pennywise yelled. He curled up in a ball and shook with fear.
"Y-y-you must attonnnnnnneeee." Arthur Fleck said nervously. "You have spent your life judging and living selfishly, you have let society change who you should have been!"
Pennywise rolled his eyes.
"W-w-we are all clownnnnnnnnns.
"HEAR MEEEEE PENNYWHEEEZERRR!" A million ghostly pills fell from the cieling.
"What must I DOO?" asked, Pennywheezer as he crawled on the ground begging for repentance.
"You will be v-visited by uhm... Three spirits." Arthur fleck explained as his ghostly form started picking up the pills one by one. "Only then can you be saved."
"I'm not being ordered around by some Jehovah's witness..." Mumbled pennywheezer under his breath.
"You're awful pennywheezer." He smiles, and then gestures towards himself and his sea of pills.
"This is what you get when you cross a mentally ill loner with a society that abandons him and treat him like trash. I'll tell you what you get, you get what you fucking deserve!" He screamed at the top of his lungs
Pennywheezer gasped at arthur fleck's jedi ghost finally stood up for himself, even though it's unclear what he truly stands for.
"Don't end up like me Pennywheezer." Arthur fleck spoke softly. And then he was gone.
Pennywheezer was ataken back. He crawled back into bed and wondered when the first ghost would come. "They will probably be a dumb slut..." Thought pennywise aloud.
The clock struck 12 am and Heath Ledger was leaning against the clock. "Wakey wakey wheezeywise!" He said in his clownish voice.
"Are you the ghost of christmas past?" Whizzerwise asked.
"Uhhh yeahh." Heath ledger joker purred. "Let me take you on a tripppp."
Suddenly Heath hoisted Wheezewise onto his shoulders and jumped out the window.
"You crazy handwench!" Wailed pennywise.
Pennywise was suddenly walking through a very familiar circus.
"I know this place." Pennywise said fondly.
"I tried really hard to be the funniest clown because it's what my parents wanted, but I wanted to be a hip hop artist. My parents never understood me."
Heath Ledger Joker made a face at Wennywheezer.
He opened his coat and a vast array of bombs and grenades were strapped to his coat. He lifted his finger slightly, threatening to blow them all to kingdom come.
Pennywise dropped to his knees and begged for his life, kissing Heath Ledger's clown shoes.
"Please spirit, spare me! Spare my life, if I am even alive in this strange dream sequence!"
Heath Ledger stared down at him and slowly closed his jacket.
"They wanted to understand you, Pennywise. But they were going through a messy divorce. And you know what they say, madness is like gravity. All it takes is one little push. You should cut them some slack, bro."
Pennywise sniffled and stood up and once again locked arms with Heath Ledger Joker.
"Next stop, another one of your loser memories!"
Pennywise felt as if he was flying as a strong gust of wind blew him through the sky. They flew through the night sky and landed at another one of his clown tents where he grew up.
Both Heath and Pennywise spotted a little boy eating alone in a the tent as they entered.
Heath and Pennywise locked eyes. Pennywise's elongated body sagged as he watched the sad display of the clown boy eating alone.
"It's christmas morning and you were all alone?" Questioned Heath.
"Yeah. That was the worst Christmas of my life. I had just finished performing a show and got booed off stage. I was never going to make it as a proper clown."
The boy at the table started crying and a large hulking mass entered the tent. It was papawise.
"Quit crying my dumb son! The crowd didn't take well to you because you started rapping and went off script!"
"It's my dream, dad!" Screamed the tiny clown.
Mother clown entered the tent as well and handed a bourbon to Papawise, who swallowed it whole.
"Your father is right, son. You'll have a more stable career if you just do what you were born to do. Be a clown!"
The little clown boy sped out of the room, but his parents remained.
Pennywise grabbed Heath ledger's hand. "I've seen enough." He exclaimed.
Heath ledger spoke "Wait one second."
The parents started having a conversation.
"I'm worried about him." Spoke mother clown to papawise. Papawise held one of her gloved hands.
"I know. I am too. He might be a major screwup," Said papawise. And then he whispered "But he's still my son and I'm proud of him."
"I'm also proud of how glossy his clown nose has gotten." She said cheerfully.
Pennywise gasped and dropped to his knees. "I never knew..." He said.
Heath Ledger quirked a smile which was very unlike him.
"We have one last stop whizzowise." He put one hand on his shoulder which made pennywise uneasy.
"But if you're good at something you never do it for free..."
"What do you want." He said, still choked up at what he just witnessed.
"Admit that you were wrong about them."
Pennywise had a change of heart and cleared his throat, standing to his full height. He had a stubborn look about him.
Heath leadger opened his coat again and waggled his eyebrows.
"Fine... Maybe I should've been less judgemental.. And maybe they weren't both sluts..."
"Good enough!" Screamed Heath Ledger, and they were up at the sky again. This time they traveled far away from his clown homeland and went down a familiar street. The buildings turned more modern before their eyes.
They landed at a movie theater. Pennywise looked up at it and squinted. "I was just here not too long ago. Are you playing me for a fool, spirit?"
"The past is the past." Heath Ledger quipped.
Pennywise followed behind heath to the correct movie theater. They entered one that was playing "IT".
"Oh no..." Pennywise muttered under his breath.
There were only three people in the movie theater. Heath Ledger had it set in his mind to sit directly to the couple in the middle who pennywise knew all too well.
They took their seats next to y/n and pennywise. He observed himself and ran a hand through his flaming red hair, obviously uncomfortable. His past self didn't know he was even there. He knew what was going to happen next.
Like clockwork an old lady in the front row yelled "I could do a better job at satisfying that clown!"
"Right on." Said heath ledger, amused.
A familiar voice yelled, "Bitch, we should euthanize the old!" Pennywise cowered at hearing himself say those words. He couldn't take it anymore, and covered his eyes.
"No, you have to look. LOOK!" Heath ledger tore his arms from his face.
It was then that past Pennywise threw a big gulp at old lady.
Whizzywise was shaking.
"Now do you see? Do you see what you have become, and how you look outside of yourself? It's not too late wheezewise. You can still change!" They left the movie theater and started walking down the sidewalk.
"Umm... Thanks. For showing that to me. I think I understand." Pennywise said. Heath Ledger had stopped walking alongside him and was a few feet behind him.
"What's wrong?" Questioned pennywise.
"This is my last stop..." Said Heath, solemnly. "You can change if you put your mind to it, penny...remember that."
And then all in one second heath ledger triggered the bombs strapped to himself, and blew himself to kingdom come, knocking pennywise backwards and unconcious.
Pennywise woke with a gasp. He was back in his mansion, but was met with the cold marble of his floor.
He let out a quick one in distress, trying to take in his surroundings.
Was it all a dream? Or was he really being guided by ghosts to go through redemption?
Suddenly, A team of D.A.R.E advocats rushed into his room, shouting about how drugs were the devils playground and that he should abstain.
Pennywise jumped up, "Get out of my room you whores!"
"Say no to drugs!" Yelled a rando who was wearing a D.A.R.E to be drug free t-shirt.
Suddenly there was a loud thump of footsteps that shook the whole house and sent the D.A.R.E advocates flying through the air and one shot right through the window.
"Who's there?" Pennywise cried in horror, and then a huge gorilla foot crashed through the door, splintering it to pieces.
A giant gorilla with the small shurken head of Stephen King came in, he was wearing a D.A.R.E shirt as well.
"I'm Stepehn Kong." Said the big hairy gorilla. His tiny ugly human head looked like a big raisin atop those bulky shoulders.
"I write good endings and I don't write about child sex." He said proudly and even Scroogewise couldn't deny that what he said was quite admirable. He started getting jealous.
"I'm a purebred clown." Weslewise boasted and Stephen Kong rolled his eyes.
Stephen Kong held out his big gorilla hand. "Time to feel the pain of the present."
And then he slapped pennywise's ass very hard.
Stephen kong grabbed pennywise with a very musculur enlongated monkey arm that pennywise couldn't stop looking at. He was seething with envy.
He got thrown onto his silverback gorilla back and was told "Hang on!"
Stephen kong grew 1000 sizes large and crossed mountains and oceans with ease. They arrived at y/n (sal suey's) house. There was obviously a christmas party happening inside.
They approached the front door and pennywise got nervous.
"You weren't invited, you know that right?" Stephen Kong quipped.
"I'm still anxious..." Says pennywise. He fiddled with his clown shirt.
Just then Stephen king lifted wheezewize with one arm and threw him through the front door, ragdolling him in the middle of the living room. It smelled like a christmas cookies and good tidings.
The gang was all there exchanging phone numbers and presents, not caring that the most important clown of all wasn't there.
Y/n was sitting sadly in your armchair next to the fireplace. Jared leto approached and tried to ask for your number. Pennywise looked furious.
You turned him down and pennywise was proud that you knew who you belonged to.
Ronald Mcdonald asked everyone to gather around the dining room table to share christmas cheer.
"Where's the eggnog!" Asked papawise.
They all sat down and shared christmas stories. It was all a bunch of boring hubbub to pennywise until he heard his name in the conversation.
"Has anyone seen my idiot son, pennywise?" Asked papawise.
"Who cares?" Said ronald mcnaldo. Pennywise expected y/n to come to his defence, but you laughed at the joke instead.
A single clownish tear emerged from his tear ducts and fell on the floor.
"They all hate me?" Wheezlewise asked Stephen Kong.
"It sure looks that way, son. After all, when's the last time you had a conversation with them without it ending in you calling them a slut?"
He looked at pennywise expectendly.
He started sweating bullets. "Now wait just a minute. I know there's at least one time!"
Stephen Kong sighed. "Let me show you something."
He walked pennywise over to the basement of your house that always had a comically large lock on it.
"I'm not allowed down there." He steadfastly told stephen kong, crossing his arms.
Stephen kong let out an "Oog." and his ghostly form passed through the door. Pennywise was alone, but not totally alone, as he could hear his so-called friends still mocking him in the other room.
"I'd rather be anywhere but here." He snarked, and passed through the basment door.
His eyes had to adjust to the darkness and harsh glare from the single lightbulb that hung from the ceiling of the basement.
Stephen kong's back was turned to him and he was looking at something.
Pennywise walked up next to him and saw what caught his interest. The lightbulb illuminated it: it was a cardboard cutout of himself! He was in one of his classic clownly poses. He felt proud.
"Do they come down here to worship me or something?"He joked. Stephen kong smiled, but it did not reach his eyes. His glasses shone from the lightbulb. "No, son..."
"Shush, someone's coming!" Pennywise said to stephen kong, but then realized how silly that sounded as they were ghosts. "Sorry, i forget... who is that?"
Y/n was walking down the stairs, a frown on your face.
"It's y/n!" He said, smiling.
You walked to the corner of the room and picked up an object pennywise didn't notice before due to the darkness. It sounded like metal.
Y/n marched over to the center of the room and only then did he realize what it was.
An ak-47.
"Why does she have that? What is she doing?" Pennywise begged to stephen kong.
You emptied a full magazine into pennywise's cardboard cutout, screaming while you did so. This lasted a couple of minutes until you were panting and out of breath.
All pennywise could do was watch in horror.
Y/n looked happier than when you were originally and set the ak-47 back against the wall. You skipped up the stairs and whistled a tune.
"I thought... I thought she was the one I could truly trust... But I was wrong..."
Stephen kong did an uppercut and through pennywise up through the cieling into the sky, only for him to land in the same spot by his side.
The cardboard cutout of him gazed down judgingly, bullet holes and all.
Kongwise held his gorilla hands in front of himself. "Let's see: You bit her arm off, insulted her and called her a slut, almost burned her to death, gaslit her, lied to her, tried to eat her adopted baby, ran her over with your car...the list goes on and on, pennywise."
All pennywise could do was star at the cardboard cutout. Kongwise continued.
"If you don't redeem yourself... that's going to be you in the future."
Suddenly the old granfather clock from upstairs struck 12.
Stephen kong let out a bloodcurdling scream.
"What's happening to you?" Pennywise asked.
"It's a shame... christmas day can't last forever..." Kongwise's body twisted and turned as if all his mass was being vaccuumed out of him. His body started to shrink and twist grotesquely, until he was the size of pennywise's fist. "Dare to be... drug free..." Were his last words.
Pennywise mourned his newfound friend and looked to his left to see a silhouette, it was y/n with a glock.
"I missed you." She said, but was obviously talking to the cutout. Pennywise had newfound hope and walked towards y/n, arms spread, but the sound of a shot rang out and it all went black.
Pennywise awoke again, all the blood drained from his body. He felt as if he weighed a thousand pounds. A thunderstorm rang out through his mansion, the thunder echoing off the cold tile.
Before he could catch his breath and think about everything that happened a skeletal hand was held out in front of his face.
His eyes begrudgingly dragged up the hand, then the arm, and then finally met with the owner of said skeleton hand. It was bill skarsgard.
He was wearing a black robe and a long pointy-tipped witch's hat.
He spoke no words.
Bill's long skeletal hand slowly pointed over to the front door and stared unblinkingly at pennywise who was still laying on the floor.
"You want me to...follow you?" Asked pennywise, which bill slowly nodded yes to.
Pennywise then noticed he was bare ass naked and his clothes must've been shot off of by y/n.
The pair wandered the streets and even though it was gloomy and raining, everyone seemed to be in high spirits. There were streamers and balloons on every street corner. Confetti could be found on every road and sidewalk.
He recognized someone's face who was carrying a briefcase and was in a nice tuxedo. It was papawise! He also looked sober for once.
"He got clean!" Pennywise said, astonished.
"Then you're the ghost of christmas future? This is the future?"
Bill Skarsgard nodded, his creepy golem eyes unblinking at him.
They continued down the road and finally reached town square. There was a festival of some sort happening, and the clown marching band was there which graced pennywise's clown ears sexily.
Pennywise started dancing to the music. "I look forward to the future." He told Bill.
Bill then grabbed his face and turned it sharply to look at a giant poster in town square.
It was pennywise's face. "Is this a celebration for me?" He questioned honkily.
Ghost of billmas future shook his head grimly.
They approached the crowd and something was chucked at his head. He ducked on impulse, but it phased right through him..
"Hey, those were my clown shorts! What are they doing here?"
He walked to the stage and heard an announcer who was auctioning off items.
"One pair of well-worn clown shoes! Can I get 1 dollar?" The auctioneer was y/n!
"So she finally turned on me and stole my things" He thought aloud. He started pacing the stage but something caught his eye. A dumpster was off to the side, fallen over, with trash strune everywhere. For no reason in particular he wandered over to it and instantly shat his pants.
His body was in the trash. He was dead and y/n was selling off his things instead of buring him with his belongings like he asked! "How disrespectful! I wanted to be buried with my things, especially my clown nose!"
Bill skarsgard loomed over him and his face morphed into one not unlike his own. "He won't be needing this anymore!" He mimicked.
"NOOOO!" Pennywise cried. "This can't come to pass! I'll do anything! I've learned redemption! Please, I'll even jerk it for you!"
Suddenly the sun eclipses and Pennywise is dropped into one giant clown shoe.
Atop the opening of the shoe pennywise can make out bill's figure aggressively jerking it.
His body continues to fall further and further into the abyss until it feels like he hits solid ground and blacks out.
His body hit solid ground. He looked up at the cieling expecting to see bill of christmas future jerking it but to no avail, he was home.
Pennywise sprang up from his bedroom floor like he was 10 years old instead of 1000 years. He raced down the stairs and went into the street. People were singing christmas carols.
He got in his 2019 jaguar and drove the speed limit, and followed all the laws.
He noticed the huge dent and crack of his windshield and had a sinking feeling. He'd make this up to y/n, there was still time!
At a stop light the same child who's fingers he almost crushed was again on the street corner.
Pennywise rolled down his window and beckoned him over with a gloved hand.
"Hey you sl- I mean child? Can you come over here please?" He asked softly. They complied and looked up expecting to get roundhouse kicked.
Pennywise opened his car door and took out the keys, handing them to the clown child. "Merry christmas!" He bellowed.
"Wow mistah, thanks!" The child hopped in the 2019 jaguar and floored it.
"That felt...nice." Thought pennywise.
"One more stop..." He walked the rest of the way to y/n's house.
Pennywise approached your house meekly and heard rambunctious laughter inside. He let himself in and silently walked to the living room, hiding behind the doorway.
"Has anyone seen my useless son?"
Pennywise looked down at his clown shoes. They were still his. He could do this.
Mcnaldo said "Who's cares?" Before anyone else could peep a word, pennywise entered the room, fully nude, physically and emotionally.
Y/N's face lit up, and stood to welcome him into the room. "Pennywise, you came!" You said.
"Yes.. if you'll have me..." Pennywise said bashfully.
Papawise approached and said "there's my useless son!" and put an arm around his shoulders.
Everyone expected fists to start flying but instead pennywise embraced his father. his son.
FIN
Or is it?
The real Stepehen King came in, his body was frail and old, not like the tough gorilla he had seen before. It was the real Stephen King who writes bad endings and creepy things about children. He was very unwoke.
"What are you doing here?" Pennywise asked and Stephen King grinned an evil grin.
"I don't like this good ending, I want things my way because I'm a giant baby."
He pulled out a giant typewriter from his pocket and everyone gasped. The paper in the typewriter said "Clown Love" at the top.
Pennywise gasped as he began to type. "Please don't change the ending!" He cried, but it was to no avail.
Stephen King typed away evily, rewriting the ending and changing Pennywise back to his usual evil self.
As he finished typing Pennywise convulsed and fell to the floor.
"Pennywise?" Y/N asked sadly.
Pennywise jumped up and glared at her. "Sluts." He scoffed and left the room.
"I'm a palpatine and I am being controlled by palpatine himself." Pennywise added proudly before he stormed away.