Disjuncture
Pennywise's world turned from black to blinding light. Harsh fluorescent lighting beat down on his un-shaded eyes. Instinctively he reached up to feel for his sunglasses, but they were missing. He found himself on top of two filing cabinets, quadruple d's pressed against the glass, his bodyso close to the ceiling he could touch it.
One one fluid motion he lept off of them and examined himself, not knowing where he was or how he got there.
He looked down at his shirt to find a name tag nervously, it read "c.l.o.w.n. Industries". He felt disgusted that a stranger put it on him while he was unconscious and had a new goal in mind:
"Find what bitch did this to me…" He whispered to himself.
Suddenly a sharp mechanical noise came from a speaker, and what followed could only be described as a timid, pathetic, worthless, stupid voice.
"Uhhh, hehehe, what is your name?" Came the lowly voice and Pennywise snarled at the very air around him, unable to find a solid target to attack.
"Slut! Whore!" Pennywise raged.
"Uhhh, please don't yell!" The voice begged unchadly. "I have many mental illnesses. T-this isn't how this is supposed to go-"
Pennywise took off into a full stride at the speaker and held it in his hands. The voice tried to continue but it was too late. He was shredding it and mauling it as an apex predator would, tearing apart the metal and wires until it was completely unrecognizable. The voice on the other end sputtered into static and he looked down at his work, satisfied.
Pennywise stood stock still to examine his surroundings. He used his smell-o-vision and could see heat signatures through the walls. There were two bodies on the other side of a very unassuming wall. Slowly he creeped over to it and put one ear to it.
He heard a strange clattering noise, and then what sounded like a man bending over and sounding strained.
"I-If I wasn't taking so much medication I think I'd be happier, then maybe I could do my job more correctly! But maybe also I have brain damage from my mother's ex-boyfriend, so therefore me being on 'too much medication' isn't the real issue? Sorry Papawise, I just have a lot on my mind right now." The man sounded nervous and stuttered a lot. A coward, Pennywise assessed correctly.
"Don't worry about it Arthur!" A gruffer man's voice said. Using his smell-o-vision Pennywise could see the other man was much wider and fatter, and also soaked in rum.
Pennywise looked down at his nametag and tore it off, stomping on it. He smoothed his pencil skirt and regained his composure.
Pennywise then struck the wall with his clownish office heels. The drywall crumbled easily as Pennywise went ham on the wall and the wall fell, revealing two very confused office workers. The thinner one looked like a deer in the headlights, and the fatter one was asleep.
Pennywise then took the thinner one hostage and busted through the door. He held the thin man easily as he didn't really fight back. He ended up carrying him bridal style as he examined the new world before him sexily.
A giant mural covered the entire wall, and the picture graced his eyes. A group of smiling scientist clowns all with their arms crossed are standing in front of a beautiful canyon scene. They looked like they had great health care and they would retire early, and they looked well fed. They each had bright rosy cheeks which made Pennywise think of jolly old st. nick. He smiled fondly, but immediately his face fell back to its normal grimace.
In giant letters the mural read "C.L.O.W.N., Clown League of Weaponized Nipples."
A chill ran down Pennywise's clown spine to his clownish toes. Through his street smarts, he knew what that mural was not as it seemed, though to what end he wasn't sure. He forgot he was bridle-carrying his hostage until he heard the man speak.
"I love that picture. It always brightens my day when I pass it for my lunch break."
"Shut up, or you'll get a knuckle sandwich. Which way is the exit?"
The nervous man looked as though he was about to give him directions, but Pennywise raised his fist at the prospect, so instead he simply pointed his blimp to cardinal north and Pennywise was off.
They went through many winding hallways, all white and unmemorable. Pennywise was about to strangle the man in his arms and be done with him, but the stagnation broke and they walked into what looked like a giant room with four simple cubicles. There was neither a balloon animal nor a circus freak in sight, and Whizzlewise gasped in horror. He felt like a fish out of water. A worm without dirt. A bird torn from the sky. Papawise without bourbon. A flower growing in the cracks of concrete.
"You can't just leave here!" Papawise said, shocked.
The sickly looking man somehow squirmed out of Pennywise's arms and sprinted straight to his cubicle. It seemed to be his safe space.
"H-He kidnapped me!" The nervous man cried out to his fellow peers, astonished. At that an elderly woman peaked over her cubicle to eye Pennywise warily. Her nameplate on her desk said "Mrs. Myrtle."
"He doesn't look so bad to me." She said, and slowly got up from her swivel chair to approach Pennywise, but very very slowly so Pennywise stood there awkwardly and checked a watch he didn't have on his wrist a few times.
"I'm Mrs. Myrtle. But you can just call me mommy." Pennywise backhanded the elderly woman with such force that she flew right out of the building, through space and time itself until she became no more than another crater on the sun. She became one of god's stars.
Pennywise sat down at her desk and cleared it off of her family pictures and cat statues. He had just begun hacking into the company's database when he heard the telltale clacking of cloven hooves behind him on the cold tiles.
"It's not nice to steal something that doesn't belong to you." Came a voice laced with the smirk that the speaker was surely wearing.
Pennywise felt every clown ancestor cry out in the dark where they now resided. His hair on his neck rose in anticipation of the battle his very genetics knew was coming. Yeah!
Bill placed a hand with very long, elegant fingers on Pennywise's shoulder, and Pennywise found that he liked the thrill it gave him. He impulsively turned in his chair to lock eyes with the man in question.
His body looked to be stretched to maximum capacity, fingers, legs and arms as far as they could go. His face had a look of uncanny valley even though the man was very real, and very very close to pennywise, which made him all the more flustered. His hair was combed, neatly as if to say, "I care how you see me," but not enough to say, "I care more about my appearance than my time with you."
Pennywise thought internally, 'Calm down girl. You can't blow this.' His inner clown did a little salsa dance.
Pennywise knew what men loved about him most, what made their eyes follow him when he entered a coffee shop, so he took full advantage for bill. Pennywise leaned forward sexily, making bills eyes dip down to follow his cleavage. While bill was distracted Pennywise knocked a pen off Bill's desk and too the floor.
"Whoops!" Pennywise giggled.
Before Bill could reach down with his elongated arms and scoop up the pen with his long, apelike fingers only achieved through millions of years of natural selection, Pennywise bent all the way over, placing his fine peach shaped ass on display for Bill to enjoy.
"Oops!" Pennywise said, giggling lightly. "I can be so ditzy sometimes." He said, raising the pen to his full luscious painted red lips. Bill's icy blue eyes regarded him coolly, one eyebrow raised.
"You're biting your lip." Bill observed.
Pennywise knew Bill ran C.L.O.W.N. and there was only one way he could get the information he desired: using his feminine wiles.
"A clown like me-" Pennywise took a step closer. "Could use a clown like you" He ghosted his gloved hand over the other man's bicep. "To protect me from clowns like them" Bill stood and simply watched as his face was inches from his. "in the town with clowns like that on a clownish day like today."
Bill furrowed his brow, confused. Bill pushed Pennywise's gloved hand away and returned to his desk.
"I'm married to my work." Bill said, there was something unreadable in his eyes, something that almost looked like pain, but pennywise wondered if that was just wishful thinking.
"I need to use the little clown's room." Pennywise said abruptly, and left his coworkers to type away at their computers. Little did he know another pair of footsteps followed behind him.
Pennywise entered the men's room and let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. He had his hands on either side of the sink and looked into the mirror.
The clown he sees looking back at him is not a clown he recognizes. Eyes wild with untamed lust, mouth downturned and stressed. He had to get to the bottom of this, if only bill would open up.
He began touching up his clown makeup with various paints and powders. It was then that he heard the door swivel open, only to be met by the last person he thought he would see. The long-limbed bastard himself. Bill.
As always his face was stoic, and unreadable. It wasn't his first day on the job, nor on the dating scene, Pennywise imagined. He probably went through clowns like him for breakfast.
Pennywise quickly returned to powdering his face and tried to look unbothered by his presence.
Suddenly! Bill leaped across the bathroom! He made it all the way across in one large stride because he's so filled to the brim with length.
"B-bill?" Pennywise gasped.
"Pennywise, I need you to know…" His voice was at a whisper at Pennywise's ear.
"I don't care that you're not like those other clowns that wear too much clown makeup, or shave above the knee. In fact, I think those clowns are basic, unoriginal shells of clowns that will never experience true love."
Pennywise was shaking, his face looking down at the cold tile. One of bill's long, hairy gnarled fingers reached down to tilt his chin so they were looking into each other's eyes.
"I want you Pennywise. I need you, and only you. Will you give me a chance?" Bill looked into Pennywise's red orbs deeply with baited breath.
Pennywise gasped, did bill love him?
Just then y/n was awoken from a deep sleep. You were on your living room couch, met with your apple tv paused on a severance episode you were in the middle of watching. You hadn't realized you'd drifted off. You looked over to the armchair to see Pennywise furiously playing his nintendo switch and muttering "sluts…" under his breath. He noticed you looking at him and angrily said, "What!?"
Y/n meekly recalled your dream to him. "Oh it's nothing. I just had a dream. You were there, and Papawise and arthur fleck were there too." Y/n clicked their sparkly red heels, feeling as though they had some importance, but nothing happened.
"It was just a stupid dream." Pennywise muttered.
"Yeah, it had to be a dream… You had fallen in love with Bill Skarsgard." Instantly you felt a sharp pain in your head and realized Pennywise had thrown his nintendo switch at your cranium the instant you said that. You rubbed your head and smiled at him.
"Oh, Pennywise!"
THE END