Fast and Clurious

Pennywise's large bust jiggled as he stepped out of his brand new tiny clown car, appointed to him by the company Lyft, and he sighed when ten clowns came out behind him. His new job as a clabby paid well, but it also tested his patience. He would never use his own 2022 Jaugar for such heathens.

"Sluts." He said to himself as he saw their knock off brand sunglasses and short, unsatisfying handkerchiefs that didn't even stretch out for miles. He couldn't believe what clowns had come to. One was even wearing tiny clown shoes!

"This is the last time I give any old clown a ride." Pennywise snarled. Suddenly he heard a cough behind him! Pennywise turned and fire shot out of his nose angrily when he saw Sal Suey, Arthur Fleck, Papawise, Jared Leto Joker, Ronald Mcdonald, and Bozo all standing before him expectantly.

"P-P-Pennywise…" Arthur Fleck began, but Pennywise was glaring holes through his head and Arthur Fleck shrank three sizes smaller than he was born, like a beta male clown that had just been bested, like pain that you couldn't quite feel because you were too jaded, like a clown handkerchief that was only a few inches long, like a flower growing between the cracks in the concrete.

Sal Suey (Y/N) looked down at the now very small Arthur Fleck and put him in your front-facing baby sling. You stomped your foot.

"Come on Pennywise, I was only talking about this new yogurt shop for-EVER! Did you forget? On our anniversary?"

Pennywise was already back in his car and attempting to drive away before Jared Leto jumped in front of his moving vehicle and climbed on top of it like some sort of street performer.

"Get off you slutty freak!" You could hear Pennywise scream from inside his clown compact car, the sun bouncing off his ray bands. He started backing up, but to no avail, as Papawise was now passed out behind the rear wheel and prevented him from leaving. Pennywise tried to run over Papawise's bloated body, but his tiny clown car was no match for Papawise's girth. His clown car began to smoke, and Pennywise snarled.

"If only I had my 2022 Jaugar." He swore, and then began really laying it on the horn.

"Yeah, then you could really send someone over your windshield." Sal Suey snarked over the blaring noise of the clar.

As Pennywise was struggling to get his tiny car over his fathers mass, the other clowns began to file into the car like worker ants. Pennywise quickly attempted to lock the door, but to no avail, they had already entered.

You took your rightful place next to pennywise in the passenger seat. He lowered his Gucci ray bands and looked in the rear view mirror at the many, many clowns piled on top of eachother.

"I think you'll really enjoy this new yogurt shop pennywise, the flavors are to die for, and it's clown owned!"

Jared Leto began kicking the back of Pennywise's seat and he tightened his hand into a fist. You witnessed this and lowered your hand on top of his, attempting some sort of reprieve from the hell Pennywise was about to unleash. He quickly swiped his hand out from under yours and put the car in drive. Even though there were many - a - clown in the car, you had never felt so alone, like a flower growing alone in the cracks of concrete.

It had been a few hours and the clown mistresses were starting to get restless. It was supposed to be a 15 minute drive, but Pennywise assured you that he knew where he was going and refused to use maps on your phone.

"Here just look Pennywise." You handed him the phone, his clown arm gripped the wheel tightly at your voice.

"I don't need that. I know where we're going!"

Baby Arthur Fleck began wailing in your arms and you attempted to comfort him, you pulled out a bottle of bourbon and offered it to baby Arthur Fleck, but he spit it out and you shrugged. Must have been a baby Papawise thing.

"You're scaring him." You warned. Holding up the phone within his view, he began rolling down his window. He was going 120 MPH, and opening the window created a vacuum effect. All the clowns screamed and attempted to hold onto things in the car, none of them wearing seat belts. Papawise's weave was sucked off his head and shot out of the car, obscuring the driver behind you's vision, which caused them to honk and swerve wildly.

"Pennywise pull over!" Sal Suey screamed, but Pennywise smirked and floored it, causing Jared Leto joker to go spiraling out of the window, akin to being flushed down a toilet. Sal Suey grabbed for his skinny chicken legs, but to no avail. Jared Leto joker was shot into space.

In a panic, you tried reaching over to roll up Pennywise's window, but in the midst of everything he snatched the phone out of your hand and tossed it out of the car, losing the one ounce of hope you had left of getting out of here alive.

"Pennywise, why did you do that? We'll never get to the yogurt shop now!"

Pennywise turned to Sal Suey, busty and proud, his voice a war-torn whisper, as if reliving the memory. "I've traversed this earth for 2000 years… Don't you think I know these clown lands?" A single tear went down Pennywise's white face, but he sucked it back in.

Just like that, Pennywise's walls were back up, and you sighed and looked out the window. You could hear clown police sirens honking behind you, but P-wise was unfazed. Other than the clops, there wasn't much to see as he was going so fast your mind couldn't keep up with how fast things were passing you by, but then something truly remarkable happened.

Amidst the blurred scenery, there was a car… Matching your speed! You squinted to look closer and realized you recognized that face. It was… Bill Skarsgard! A sexy wheat thin sticking out of his mouth.

Suddenly Pennywise start sniffing the air.

"Is that… Is it…"

Papawise mumbled embarrassingly and said, "Yes, that was me son."

"No! It's something else entirely, not of this earth…" He began quickly scanning the area and even took his hands off the wheel for a couple of seconds while still flooring it. You quickly grabbed the wheel and steered as he was looking around.

Then he locked eyes with the only other car on the highway. "THAT SLUT THINKS HE CAN BEST ME?"

Bill smirked sexily, and tilted down his gucci ray bands that were identical to Pennywise's. He was driving a 2023 black jaguar. Somehow he had gotten the newer model early. His windows were tinted a dark, sexy color, obscuring anything else in the car. He had his window rolled down and was matching Pennywise's 200 MPH speed, but somehow his hair remained immaculate. At seeing Pennywise, he winked, and honked his horn which played the full 3:14 second song "How You Like Me Now".

Pennywise somehow pushed the pedal further than before, the gas pedal going right through the bottom of the car! The engine revved threateningly. Bill held out one long, long finger and wagged it. Both you and Pennywise were watching with mouths agape as he pressed a big red button in the middle of his car. Immediately two giant jet packs emerged from his car, and fire and flamed burst forth clownishly. He took off like a jet plane from the highway and flew high into the sky. Leaving a trail of smoke, he made cloud-art. A beautiful rendition of Sal Suey and Bill enjoying a big scoop of yogurt. Then he flew off.

You couldn't help but fan yourself at the beautiful creation Bill had made you. Pennywise was white-knuckling the wheel and angrily adjusting his triple d cup bra.

Pennywise suddenly flew into the heart of a roundabout.

"Just go straight my clown lover!" You screamed in fear, but Pennywise smirked and wagged a finger at you, almost like bill? As if they were one in the same?

Papawise was unconscious up to this point, but awakened and had an air of curiousness in his voice.

"Pennywise my dear son, that was familiar what you just did."

At that Pennywise reached back and opened the door, promptly rolling his father onto the road where a semi drove over him. He then continued to traverse the same roundabout. Your unease continued to grow.

"Pennywise, it's not that hard, just go straight."

Pennywise floored it on the now broken gas pedal, his big clown shoes barely fitting in the foot space beneath.

Suddenly! Instead of going straight Pennywise started going in circles around the roundabout! He was still pushing 200 mph.

"What?" Pennywise snarled. "I don't have a map, I don't know where to go!"

If one were watching from space, the roundabout you all were on would look like a hot wheels track. The compact clown car howled in pain at the strain Pennywise was putting it through.

"Here, just turn here! That's where we need to go!"

Pennywise would act as though he was going to turn, but at the last minute he would continue going left as if unsure of himself. You felt as though you were a hamster in a hamster ball in a hamster race. And you were losing.

"Just… just let me and Arthur out, ok? Just let us leave! Please Pennywise, I'm begging you!"

20 more laps had passed. Arthur fleck's cries and screams could not be heard over the sound of the engine. The faint honking of clown cops could be heard and they chased Pennywise around the roundabout. You clutched your newborn Arthur Fleck tightly, afraid for what was to come.

Pennywise knew the answer to all his cluestions, he knew how to get these clowns out of his car, and how to get rid of this clown car all at once. Pennywise floored it and took a hard left, going straight for the clown cliffs! You looked up from baby Arthur Fleck and gasped. He couldn't… Could he?

Pennywise's hard gaze would not be broken from his destination. You tried everything to get his attention, grabbing at the complimentary things pennywise kept in his lyft clown car. You poured five water bottles on his face. You poured hand sanitizer down his clown clothes. You even offered to buy him a new set of quadruple d bras. That only made him avert his gaze for only a moment, but then he returned to his determined stare.

Pennywise floored it harder than ever before, the last thing Sal Suey heard was the honking of the clops and Papawises drunken, sexual burp. Then, Pennywise grasped Sal Sueys hand and held their joined hands up, as if it was a reference to something?

They sailed through the sky, then collided with a giant red clown nose. The clown car was in pieces and set aflame. The clown cops stopped at the edge of the top of the cliff and peered down, aghast.

"No wey any of dose guys survived dat." They left sad they wouldn't be catching any supervillains, and night began to fall.

Among the starry sky and glowing flames, there was movement. All at once the metal of the car door was torn off it hinges and thrown as if a mere novelty flower. It landed in the dust, obscuring the figure that emerged.

The figure could not be described in mere words, but I will try. His forehead, long and luxurious, bulbous even. It seemed to be longer than the highway he just traveled. His triple d's, expensive and intimidating caught everyone's attention, and were the first thing to enter a door frame. His gucci ray bands gleamed amongst the flames, reflecting the fire that danced across his sexy form. It was…

Pennywise!

Pennywise dusted off the ashes of his friends and scoffed. If only they could be as resilient as him… but alas, not every clown is a purebred clown.