Papawise bit into his uncrustable happily. The bread tasted a bit stale as Sal Suey liked to refrigerate them even though on the box it says not to, but he didn't mind. The delicious peanut butter paired well with the jelly, he thought. Sal Suey handed them all out to her clriends and all accepted, save for one.
"Oog." Stephen Kong grunted sexily as he refused the uncrustable. He was not one for substances. He gestured his large ape hand to his D.A.R.E shirt and backhanded Sal SUEY into the sun.
Stephen Kong looked upon Papawise with what could only be described as sorrow, while sipping a capri sun.
"Tell me good sir," Papawise began, "Why do you refuse to partake in the spirits?" He asked in between long drags of his vape and multiple whiskey bottles.
Stephen Kong waved away the bourbon flavored smoke with a determined look. He would save him from himself.
"I'm glad you asked that, Papawise. You see, my body is a temple." He flexed. "It's the only one I have all my life, and I'll be damned if I don't spend every second of it a sexy motherfucker, and that requires I stay on the straight and narrow at all times or else I would rather die. We only live once, Papawise, and one your drunkenness will get the better of you."
Papawise looked down at his bulbous fat belly.
"This is the only body I'll ever have?" He asked.
Slowly and carefully, Stephen Kong reached over and gently took both the uncrustable and liquor in his hands. Papawise allowed it to happen. All the while Y/N and all the clown gang watched on in awe. Save for one.
"What are you doing!? He likes being like that. Don't mess this up for me!" Screamed Pennywise.
Stephen Kong regarded him cooly and straightened his D.A.R.E. shirt, unwrinkled and pure.
"My offer also extends to you Pennywise. If you ever want to dare to be drug free, you know where to find me. In my monkey tree house."
Pennywise seemed as though he short-circuited, his breasts deflated slightly, and smoke came out of his ears.
"I'm not drug addled like that slut!" He argued, and in while he stood up in a rage a hundred little baggies fell out of his pockets at once.
Stephen Kong examined the baggy, a sad smile on his ugly face.
"It's gonna be ok, Pennywise." At that, Pennywise pulled out his shotgun and aimed it at Stephen Kong's head, but he was already ready for him. He grabbed the barrel and bent it so strongly, it closed like in a cartoon, so if Pennywise were to shoot the wooden bullet would be stuck.
You had known pennywise for a good few years now, but you had never seen him this dumbfounded. Not knowing what else to do, he faded away, and you assumed he teleported to one of his favorite places in the world: Sears.
Stephen Kong tipped his fedora atop his shriveled old man head at everyone and bid them farewell. Every clown gooshed collectively. Y/N looked at Papawise, who even though was still rum-soaked, looked already like a changed new man.
"It's time to get-" BURP! "Clean!" He yelled.
Over the next week Papawise changed from his rum soaked court suit to a track suit, and he spent his time chugging raw eggs, lifting lead-filled balloon animals, and reading Stephen Kong's specialty D.A.R.E. book he checked out from the library. He slept with it under his pillow every night.
It was a weekend and Sal Suey invited everyone over for a get together. She laid out a nice platter of meats and cheeses, and some nice wine as well. She knew Papawise had finally achieved sobriety, and she knew in her heart he would stick true to his ideals. He was a completely different clown.
Arthur Fleck and Jared Leto had already arrived and were playing super smash in the living room. Arthur fleck was nervously playing kirby and Jared Leto was playing bowser. From what you could see from the kitchen, kirby remained static and bowser was absolutely obliterating him.
The doorbell rang and Ronald Mcdonald Arrived alongside Stephen Kong. The two seemed to be in a heated, but friendly debate.
"I don't know what you mean, Stephen. My happy meals are NOT a drug to america's children." All Stephen Kong did was "oog" to himself and shook his head.
Ronald looked at the counter and knitted his brow. "Sal Suey, are you sure the wine is a good idea? Isn't Papawise coming?"
At that, Stephen Kong laid a hand on his shoulder.
"There's no need to worry, son. You need to have more confidence in Papawise. You haven't seen what I've seen, he's a completely different clown.
Ronald had a big grin at that. Especially since he knew Pennywise was less than pleased.
Every clown was sitting around the table drinking wine, including Pennywise, when a gentle, sober knock sounded at the door. Normally papawise would have kicked the door down himself with drunken glee. There were still bolts and duct tape on the door from his last visit.
The door opened and you almost didn't recognize the clown before you. He was extremely well built, with washboard abs. He no longer reeked of bourbon, but instead of abercrombie & fitch. He carried a suitcase and had a suit and tie, unsoiled by urine. "Hello, everyone." Papawise said evenly as he stepped in, setting his suitcase on the table. He cracked open a la croix.
"Uhhh papawise?" Sal Suey asked with wine dribbling from your mouth, "when did you get those abs?"
"All in a days work." Papawise said with a handsome smile, he winked and caught Stephen Kong's gaze, which lingered.
Stephen Kong had always desired partnership, but it was hard to find a clown who could match his standards. Most clowns he met had those long pinky nails so they could snort coke off it easily. Pennywise's for instance were a foot long.
Pennywise coughed into his hand and seemed uncomfortable at the aspect of his father finding love.
Stephen Kong stepped forward and extended a haired, conditioned gorilla hand, "would you like to dance, papawise?" He asked romantically. Papawise agreed enthusiastically, setting the La Croix on the table to which Pennywise eyed strangely.
"You want to dance too, Pennywise?" You asked, to which Pennywise responded by farting in your general direction. You huffed and dragged Arthur Fleck away from the gamecube to dance with. When would you finally find out if he loved you or not? His farts were vacant, unromantic. It filled you with sorrow.
Papawise and Stephen Kong slow danced to "Dancing on the ceiling," and maybe your eyes were deceiving you, but there wasn't enough room in between them for Jesus, and it looked like love. Papawise rested his head on Stephen Kong's shoulder. He whispered, "You make me happy, Stephen." And played with the long monkey hair on his back.
From the dining room table, Pennywise was snorting cocaine angrily. "Sluts." He muttered angrily beneath his clakeup as he watched his father be swept off his clown shoes. He quickly observed the room to find no one paying attention to him.
In breakneck speed, he grabbed 3-4 different wine bottles and poured them all into his father's lacroix, overflowing it and leaving a puddle of wine underneath it. Getting on his knees he slurped the puddle off the table's surface so no one would be the wiser.
"Dancing on the Ceiling" ended after playing on repeat for 14 minutes. Everyone was out of breath and going for their drinks. Stephen Kong smiled as Papawise grabbed his la croix, a clear look of respect, awe, and a little desire. Papawise took a sip, then two, then quickly chugged the whole thing and crushed the can on his skull in a strange, wild fashion. Papawise laughed evilly from beneath the dinner table, and rose like a supervillain from it while still cackling.
"Pennywise! W-What did you do!?"
"I turned things back to how they should be!" Pennywise roared, handing bottle upon bottle of win to his father which he accepted happily. "He's a drunkard and a slut and it's all he'll ever be!"
Stephen Kong looked at Papawise, now drunk out of his mind and dancing on a table. His belly grew before his very eyes, track suit zipper popping off and bouncing on the kitchen's cold tile. He shook his head sadly. He felt his heart break.
"I guess there is no clown for me." Stephen Kong mused sadly. It was a sad thought.
"My dear son!" Papawise bellowed and threw an arm around Pennywise. "I know you just want me to be happy."
Pennywise adjusted his Gucci sunglasses. "Yeah yeah, now here's the bill for my car payment of the month." He said, handing a crumpled piece of paper to him. Pennywise had bought two lamborghinis. Stephen Kong shook his head and left your apartment, slamming the door. Everyone went about their business as usual.
Papawise took the bill from his beloved son, who left immediately. He sat alone at the bar, a small part of him feeling alone.