A Thieving in Honk Boulevard
Pennywise's robust bosom shook as he walked down the streets under the cover of deep, dark, sexily dangerous night. He had a comically large shovel over one shoulder, and he was whistling a clown tune to avoid attention.
He observed the streets of Clotham. There was no such thing as a quiet night, and he took advantage of the extraordinarily high crime rate in the area by avoiding the clops with his police scanner. Tonight they were all in a shootout, between the mimes and the outcast clowns that had been cast out of tinyclowntown for unclownly behavior and unlawful clownishness while given many chances before they threw their lives away to fight were clear on the other side of town, so this was his one and only chance to feast.
He looked to the left and right one last time and opened the rickety iron gate before striding in confidently, triple-d's jostling in excitement for what's to come.
Clown burial ceremonies are one of the most important things in clown culture. While the body may wither away the clown noses and shoes remain untouched by deterioration, thus it was common for them to be buried in glass cases for easy observation.
As clowns had melded with the human world, this was an extremely shocking and scary sight to them, so it wasn't often practiced any longer. Instead if the clown's family was lucky to be wealthy, they were given beautifully lavishly decorated tombs for the relatives to enter and observe themselves. The poorer clowns had less options to choose from, and would instead cremate their loved ones or toss them in Papa John's dumpsters.
Pennywise observed the cemetery he was about to pillage. There were rows upon rows of tombstones, all inscribed lovingly by the residential clown mortician, who was born a pauper in the early clownhundreds, and his mother and father were drunkards and his mother was a whore. He lived on the premises. He reminded himself to be on the lookout for the slut…
Pennywise's giant clown shoes crushed the dead leaves beneath him in a boastful, clownfident manor. He approached the first gravestone and scoffed at the slut who was buried beneath it. The gravestone read:
"Here lies Happy Slappy, 1st of his name. His last moments were full of joy, but unfortunately Slip N' Slides have a high mortality rate for the clown species. He will be dearly missed."
At that pennywise plunged his giganto-shovel into the just freshly poured dirt. There was little resistance as Slappy passed just last week at his grandchild's birthday party.
A giant pile of dirt later, Pennywise brushed the remaining dirt clods from the casket and cracked it open like a dr. pepper can. Inside was a gem-encrusted klown krown™, a 100ft long rainbow handkerchief, and 100 golden dubloons.
Suddenly! Arthur Flecks jedi ghost rose from the ground. "W-w-what are you-you doing pwsie?" Arthur fleck questioned unchadly.
Pennywise flipped his long ponytail over his shoulder and smirked. "I'm here to find big game and get crunk, bitch." The audience gasped.
Slappy's skinless body started to slide down the hill because it was already wet with traction, and once pwise took it out of its coffin it started to slide away. Arthur fleck's ghost gasped and pointed to it, hands held over his face in agony. Pennywise shrugged, farted in his general direction which made him get sent to hell, and watched as Slappy started sliding towards the kindergarten. That was someone else's problem.
Pman made short work of another 2 dozen graves all over a span of 30 minutes. His arms were overflowing with riches.
Then suddenly he was stopped! Right before him was a slip n slide! With his name printed on it and 10 big blinking signs pointing to it! Pwise felt a primal urge. Sweat started forming on his brow and he started to shake. Like the moth to the bug zapper, clowns just could not resist slip n' slides. They created joy and fun, just like clowns. Why could the two never intermingle?
In one loud crashing sound all the clown trophies and wealth fell to the ground. Slowly he started walking like a zombie to the slip n' slide.
A ways away, Sal Suey held a rose up to Binbo and Blonky's graves, weeping openly. They died too young. Then, she settled and sadly sat. Something caught her attention though… A strange groaning was coming from the other side of the cemetery. Her now well developed clown-senses led her to the suspect: Pennywise! He was slowly approaching a slip n' slide set up just for him!
Sal Suey approached him hurriedly, reaching one arm out, but stopped herself. She had many, many flashbacks in her mind to the amounts of times Pennywise committed many felonies to her.
She remembered always wondering and wondering in her head, did he love her? If she were to disappear into the night sky, would he even feel the lack of her warmth by his side? She remembered the dull ache in her chest whenever he would turn his back on her, strutting away in his best clown garb. All she could think about was the pain of sleeping in any empty clown bed, and having no one to tie her clown shoes.
Could Sal Suey save him, knowing he might not be hers when she woke up the next morning? Maybe it was better to let nature take its course, and he could wait for her in the clown clouds afterlife.
Sal Suey put her glock back in her pocket. Not today. A single tear rolled down her cheek and she disappeared into the night, her lover being none the wiser of her presence.
Pennywise finally reached the Slip n' Slide. It looked to go on for miles and miles. It was colorful and cheerful looking, just like what Paapwise and Mother Clown wanted him to be. He chuckled sadly.
'That's it' Pennywise thought. 'Showtime'.
He took a running start and launched himself into the bowels of the slip n' slide. Before landing he felt the small droplets of water touch his face and arms. He felt like he was falling…falling… and then. Not?
He looked down and appeared to be hovering a couple feet off of the ground, just above the slip n' slide.
"No… What's going on!?" Then he could see.
A large, long orangutan-like hand and arm had reached out from the forest and was now cradling him, holding him like a husband clown holds a wife clown.
Pennywise began kicking his feet and screaming.
"Let me down! I want to go on the slip n' slide!"
Bill suddenly gripped pwise's throat in his large fridge door sized hand. Pwise gasped like a fish.
A booming voice emerged from the trees. "That's only for me and my clelebrity friends to enjoy." Stephen King smirked in the background, his who-face showing through the branches of the thorny rose bushes against the grey night sky.
At that the giant hand launched pennywise through the air and he flew for miles. Defeated, he decided he might as well enjoy the view. He watched kindergarteners running and screaming. He watched Sal Suey walking back to her house, defeated looking. He watched the mimes and the castout clowns still engaged in a firefight with clop cars surrounding them both. In that moment, Pennywise decided…
He was going to find Papawise, and kill him dead.