EPOV:

Bella and I enveloped our angel as she drifted to sleep, just as we did every night. We counted her heartbeats, waiting for her breathing to slow. I loved the sound of her heartbeat- a little hummingbird taking flight. It reminded me that we, that I, had created a life. Finally, her thoughts went silent- she was nearly in dreamland. Bella and I shared a glance before slowly removing ourselves from her bed. As we did so, Renesmee reached out to tap Bella's cheek.

"Good night, baby," she said, nuzzling her cheek into Ness's tiny hand.

"Goodnight, princess," I said, kissing Renesmee's forehead.

Goodnight, Daddy, she thought to me. I tugged at Bella's hand, nodding towards the doorway.

I could feel our mood shift the second Renesmee's door closed behind us. Bella was in my arms almost instantly, wrapping her legs tightly around my waist, fusing her lips to mine with an urgent passion. I felt my erection strain against my jeans, as she ground her jean-clad core against my stomach.

For the first time since her change, I forced myself to break our kiss. There was something I needed to discuss with my wife before we continued. She looked at me with eyes somewhere between hurt and confused.

"Don't worry love, I intend to be inside you tonight," I said, kissing her nose.

"But?" She said, sliding her legs down my body to the floor.

"But there's something we need to discuss and if we start, I'll never stop. So, talk first, sex later," I said, winking at her.

She pulled me towards our king-size bed, pouting slightly.

I sighed, unsure how to tell her.

"Edward? What's wrong?"

"Carlisle let it slip to me that we will need to move sooner rather than later. He has been trying to extend our time here as long as possible, to give us more time as a real family, but the truth is, love, we're overdue for a move. I know you just got Charlie back, and we've finally settled into a normal-ish family routine with Renesmee… I thought we should discuss this privately before Carlisle brings it up to the rest of the family."

Her face was pensive. Even after our blissful 18 months together in this life, a small part of me was waiting for her to run away kicking and screaming. I prayed today wasn't that day.

After what felt like the longest minute of my life, she finally spoke, "We can fly Charlie out whenever we want, right? For as long as we want? And we can come back to visit?"

"Of course," I said, releasing a breath I didn't realize I had been holding. I was slightly shocked that she was taking this so well. But my Bella was always so selfless.

"When?" She asked simply, her eyes filled with a sad understanding of our unique predicament.

"Truthfully, I'm not sure, love. Carlisle wanted to know what our thoughts were before setting things into motion. He understands that Renesmee changes things for us, that we need to consider her first," I explained, stroking her arm.

"And Renesmee being in the picture is exactly why we will move. As a family. I won't risk her safety, Edward. Not again." I could hear the anguish in her voice as she squeezed her eyes shut. My own heart ached at the memory, the day we received our death sentence. I wanted to take Renesmee and run that day.

"I know, Love. Neither would I, which is why I agree that we should move. I just wanted you to have the option." I said, rubbing her back, subtly trying to remind her where we were. That she was safe.

"Count her heart beats, my wife. She's dreaming peacefully. She's safe. She's happy," I cooed in her ear. That seemed to relax her.

"What is she dreaming about?" She asked.

"Mainly, us," I said, smiling at her. To my relief, she smiled back, seeming to relax a little bit into my embrace.

"She's picturing us all in our meadow as we tell her stories, sparkling like "pretty diamonds," I said, chuckling at my daughter's innocence. Bella laughed along with me.

"I suppose we can discuss this further when we know the specifics? No point in fretting until we talk to everyone else, right?" She asked.

"Right. But we're in agreement? We move?" I said, giving her one last chance to change her mind.

"We move," she confirmed. She snuggled into my embrace, settling in between my legs with her back against my chest. Now that I had done my duty as a father and a husband, I was eager to restore our earlier mood. My hands began to wander as I titled her neck to the side, trailing kisses along her neck. I smelled her growing arousal as my hands grazed the underside of her breasts. I turned her head towards me, hungrily bringing her lips to mine.

I moved to deepen the kiss, but was met with constraint. It was my turn to pull away, confused and slightly hurt. Maybe this was the moment.

"What?" I asked, cautiously.

"Relax, love," She said, smirking at the obvious fear in my eyes. She turned in my lap, moving to straddle me.

"It's just- there's something I want to do before we leave…" she said, biting her lip. She was nervous.

"Okay…?" I prompted.

"I'm not sure if we could even make it happen,but…" she started, "here, let me show you…"

Bella was sleeping peacefully in my arms, twisted in her old purple comforter. She was wearing baggy sweatpants and a holey t-shirt, her hair slightly wet from a shower. It was dark outside, the only sounds were Charlie's faint snores and Bella's steady heartbeat. I lovingly watched her dream, forever grateful that I got to hold this beautiful creature in my arms. She shifted slightly in her sleep, her hand sliding from its place on my chest to curl around my neck. The shift had allowed her hot breath to fan across the sensitive spot behind her ear, and her leg to straddle my own. It was so hard to ignore the intimate position, to control my thoughts. She was so sexy. So mine. I pushed the thought away, closing my eyes, hoping the lack of visualization would keep things clean. But my Bella had other ideas-even in her sleep.

A soft plea slipped through her lips, "Edward. Please." I froze.

Careful, Bella. I warned her mentally.

Don't wake the beast.

"Edward." she panted. Her hips began a slight bucking motion into my leg, searching for friction, searching for me.

"Edward."

She continued to pant and moan in her sleep, grinding herself against my leg. I could smell her arousal growing stronger by the second, the dampness seeping into my jeans. It was maddening.

"Edward, I need you. Edward, I love you." Suddenly I was growling in her ear, "Bella, love. Wake up. Please wake up." My hand squeezed my throbbing jean-clad erection. I needed her to open her eyes.

"Edward!" she breathed, finally awake.

"Bella, I need you." I begged, placing her hand on my erection. Suddenly, I was on top of her, both of our clothes shredded, my tip poised at her entrance.

"Please say yes."

"Yes," She said. And I was home.

Her shield snapped back into place. Holy shit this woman would be the death of me. Growls I didn't recognize escaped from deep within my chest as she began to grind her hips against my straining erection. I was in such a lustful haze and began to thrust, not caring that we were still clothed. God she was so wet for me already. I could feel it through her jeans.

She laughed, "I take it you've had a similar fantasy, Mr. Cullen?"

"You have no idea," I said lustfully, continuing to meet her hips, thrust for thrust.

"I almost took you that way -many times."

Her hips stopped and her eyes blazed with a fierce passion, "Really?!"

I flipped her over so that I was hovering over her, taking charge, showing her just how much the idea had turned me on.

"Are you kidding? Bella, you used to moan my name in your sleep, writhe against my leg and whimper. You used to beg," I growled, starting to remove our clothes. I was growing impatient. "And I had to sit there and pretend that it wasn't happening. Willing myself to behave was one of the hardest," thrust, "most tortuous" thrust, "things I have ever had to endure," thrust.

"Please stop behaving," she cried.

We made love for the next hour or so, the mere prospect of making love in her old room making us more incorrigible than ever. After about seventy or so minutes I pulled out of her.

"We have GOT to come up with a reason to stay at Charlie's," she said, somehow still frustrated, seventy minutes later. I was right there with her.

"Perhaps we should talk to Alice," I said, rolling on my side to face her. She nodded in agreement.

"So tell me," I said, poking her side in jest, "Are there any other fantasies you've been hiding from me, Mrs. Cullen?" She giggled.

"Maybe a few," she said playfully. The dark look in her eyes told me otherwise. She had more than a few.

"Tell me," I said. Well, begged, really. If they were as good as the first one, we'd be needing more babysitters.

"Some of them we've already checked off instinctually," she said, her hands curling into my hair. "You being dominant, sex in our meadow, on top of your piano, while we're hunting..." I smiled at her, loving how compatible we were, even in this way. I never dreamed sex could be so sacred. Yet, here we were.

I looked at her, waiting for her to continue, "Your Volvo is a big one." My Volvo?

"Really, Love? Not that I'm opposed, but how can I possibly pleasure you properly in such a small space? Besides, isn't car sex for desperate teenagers trying to evade parental figures?" I teased. She bit her lip, raising an eyebrow at me. Ah, so that's what it was about. The thrill of being young and in love. I saw her point.

"We'll do it tomorrow," I growled, pulling her closer. She giggled at my sudden desperation.

"Continue," I urged.

" Well, I know we've had sex in our meadow many times, but I've always had this vision of us on the day we told Charlie, the day you almost gave me what I wanted. Well, sometimes I wonder what would happen if I didn't ask you to stop."

" So, in this scenario- we're role playing slightly?" I asked, "You're still human, but this time, I can't say no?"

"Precisely."

I was starting to sense a theme. Charlie's house, my car, me not saying no in our meadow. But I let her continue.

" You… waiting for me in my room while I showered and deciding to…interrupt… "

So there was a theme. I reached towards her, caressing her cheek with my fingers.

"Oh Bella," I whispered, shifting our position to meet her gaze, "You know that I wanted you like crazy back then, right?"

"I know," She said meekly, her eyes drifting down to a patch of hair on my chest. I tugged at her chin slightly, urging her to look at me.

"Bella," I breathed in anguish. I melded her lips to mine, trying to convey with my lips, how much I wanted her- then, now, always.

She tore her lips from mine and broke my gaze, " I know that now, of course. But you rarely let me see you excited, or at least not in the way that you do now. I was practically crawling out of my skin with lust, mauling you every chance I got… and I don't know, sometimes I felt like you could take it or leave it." She busied herself with the patch of hair on my chest again. My vampire mind was spinning, trying to process Bella's confession.

"You thought I could take it or leave it?" I spat, trying to comprehend how I had managed to hurt her so deeply that she thought I didn't want her that way. That sex was some sort of obligatory husband duty I was fulfilling just for the sake of it. I subconsciously pulled her tighter to me, searching for the words that could make this go away.

"I don't think that anymore." she whispered into my neck.

"But you did." It wasn't a question. It was a statement. I made my wife feel unwanted in a way that was sacred between mates. How could I fix this? I had ignorantly hoped that my insatiable desire for her after her change would help her realize that my hesitation, or reluctance rather, was nothing more than my need to keep her safe. I knew vampire Bella could comprehend this on an intellectual level. But maybe this wound had been deep enough to survive the change.

"Bella, look at me." Her eyes were sad, guilty, embarrassed. A combination I hadn't seen in her eyes since her change. She looked almost human. But she wasn't human-not anymore. I needed to stop hiding from her. I rolled us until we were side by side, staring into each other's eyes. Slowly, I brought her left hand down my body, wrapping our joined hands around my erection.

"This is how I would touch myself after you fell asleep," I said, as I began to move our hands up and down my shaft at an excruciatingly slow pace. Her eyes nearly bulged out of her head before clouding with lust. We had never talked about self-pleasure before. Admittedly, I was ashamed of it. The Edwardian era man in me felt as though that my self pleasure had disgraced her, degraded her even. To be completely honest with myself, I thought I would take my private pleasure to the grave-those two solitary moments of shame I had allowed myself in that small purchase of grass somewhere between her house and Canada-forgotten and now that we had togetherness. But my Bella wanted to know these things. More than that, she needed to know these things. She moaned, silently begging me to continue.

"I tried to resist for as long as I could, but Jesus Bella," I growled, quickening our joint movement.

"I would picture you while you showered, naked, soap suds dripping down your luscious body. Sliding over your pillowed breasts, your tight stomach, in between your legs. Your strawberry shampoo mixed with the intoxicating scent of your arousal," I was growling now, instinctively thrusting into our hands. I needed to slow down, to give her the full picture of just how much I had bottled up.

"And when you would come home from La Push, covered in his scent, I would imagine tearing your clothes from your body, pinning you to your bed, coming inside you over and over again until you forgot his name. Until he could smell my cum dripping down your legs from a mile away and understood that you were mine."

"Edward," She whimpered, bringing the fingers of her remaining hand to her dripping center.

"And so help me God, Bella, when you would dream of me," suddenly her fingers were not enough for her. She readjusted our position so that she could grind against my leg, our hands still sensuously stroking my cock.

"Touching myself was my way of dreaming of you. Pretending that I could make both of our dreams come true." I sped up the movement in our hands.

"Tell me what you dreamed about Bella," I growled in her ear.

"I- I-," she panted, lost in lust.

"I- you-inside-"

She shuddered against my leg and I couldn't take it anymore. I brought her lips to mine, and pumped our hands hard and fast. I was so close.

She pulled her mouth away from my lips only to bring them to my ear, "Let go, Edward. Let go for me," she begged. And I did. Violently, and all over our connected hands.

An intense silence hung over us as we stared into each other's eyes like we could see our souls. Breaking the silence, she brought our hands up to her lips, licking them clean.

"Thank you, Edward." Her golden eyes gleamed with tears that could not be shed. I wrapped her in my arms and pulled her to my chest, absorbing her tearless cries. I stroked her hair, feeling her let go of past pain. At least, I hoped it was in the past. I hoped that she understood that my desire for her has always been there-deep and inescapable. That it had actually caused me pain to keep my desire at bay.

Moments passed before she spoke again, "Why did you carry this all by yourself?"

Ah. My ever perceptive wife. Bella knew me so well, it shouldn't have surprised me that she had already understood-this was about more than just self-pleasure. It was my whole perception of sex-until her.

"Tell me about it," she said, resuming her lazy patterns on my chest.

"I'm not even sure I fully understand it myself," I explained, "But I'll try my best to put it into words."

I took a deep breath, trying to access the feelings I had buried for so long. She deserved this. We deserved this.

" Until I met you, I truly believed that Edward Masen died in 1918. I recognized small parts of him-the way I loved music and languages. The respect and loyalty I had for Esme and Carlisle, the love I had for my family. Those were things I knew in my human life. But I was truly convinced that all that was left of me was a monster. Hollow. Meaningless. Then you walked into my life," I said, smiling at her, " Like a clumsy little vixen whose sole purpose was to collide my heaven and hell, and suddenly… It was like the human Edward had been reborn. I could feel again.

The seventeen-year-old in me was ecstatic, giddy even. The man in me craved you-mind, body and soul. The boy in me was just as shy and inexperienced as you were. The monster in me wanted to drink your blood and make you my mate. The jealous boyfriend wanted to claim you. The gentleman in me was…ashamed…by the fact that I shared some of those fantasies," I pulled myself away from her gaze and kissed the stone skin over her heart. I felt her fingers weave into my hair, stroking my head tenderly. Somehow comforting me.

"I didn't know how to reconcile all of these different versions of me. I was so afraid that if we opened the sex door it would all just bubble up. I didn't know who would win-the monster who would fuck you until I could hear your bones break? The animal who wanted your blood? The boy who had been a virgin for far too long and could never pleasure you properly? I was even scared of the gentleman who might feel shame. So I buried the man in me, both vampire and human, to keep you safe from all of my monsters."

"Edward, look at me," She said, tugging at my hair, "You and I have sex every night, right? Sometimes it's slow and romantic. Sometimes it's playful. Sometimes it's rough. Sometimes it's even a little dirty," she said, smiling to herself. "Does it ever feel wrong to you?"

"No. Never," I said. And it was the truth. Every kind of sex with her was an expression of our love. Gentle and romantic or rough and dirty. It all boiled down to love.

"Exactly. So married or not. Human or not. Rough or not…What we share is beautiful and I wouldn't trade it for the world," She said, kissing me sweetly.

"I love every part of you, Edward. The seventeen year old who wants to play and have fun. The man who wants to make romantic love to his wife. The monster who wants to claim me. The gentleman who always seems to put my pleasure first-even when I try to focus on you," she said, poking my chest, " Look, my point is: all of these parts are you, which means all of these parts are us. You don't have to carry all of this by yourself anymore."

In this rare moment of vulnerability, I wished I could cry. After nearly a century of pain, Bella had lifted a heavy weight from my heart.

"I'll never know what I did to deserve you Isabella Cullen." I pulled her left hand to my mouth, kissing her wedding ring. My mothers ring. Our ring. I kissed each of her slender fingers on her left hand continuing the path upward; her wrist, the inside of her elbow, her shoulder, her collarbone, her neck. Finally, I kissed her lips with as much love and gratitude that I could muster.

We made romantic love that night. I held her from behind. Cradled her in my arms. Massaged her clit until she came around me over and over and over again. Tilted her head back to stare deeply into her eyes. All while whispering terms of endearment in her ear.

I love you, Bella.

I want you, Bella.

I need you, Bella.

I love you.

I love you.

I love you.