Chapter 4: Edward's Fantasy

B POV:

Last night Edward had given me a gift. Although the two of us were equally insatiable in the bedroom these days, a small part of me still worried that it was one sided. He had pushed me away for so long, and as much as it pained me to admit, there was a voice in my head that wondered if he was placating me. Edward wasn't above doing things just to make me happy. Even on Isle Esme, I could tell he enjoyed being with me that way, but a part of me also thought he would be content if we never had sex again. Intellectually, I knew he had wanted me. But the part of me that didn't believe I was good enough for him, though dull in this new life, was still there. Like a scab-healed over but the wound easily reopened.

By sunrise, it all felt a little silly. Just as my fears were about me and my own insecurities, our lack of a sex life had been about his fears and his insecurities. As a vampire, I was able to better understand the duality of it all. While my human-self saw things in black and white- I loved him and I wanted him, and I knew we could do it- Edward had wrestled with so much more than simply wanting to have sex with me or believing we could do it. My husband struggled to embrace his sexuality because it wasn't as simple as love and lust. I now understood that the real question had always been whether he could let himself want me without consequence. But he did want me. He had always wanted me. And for the first time in our relationship, I didn't question it.

By the time Renesmee's bedtime rolled around I was on the brink of combustion. I had let my mind wander all day, imagining what kind of fantasies he had tucked away. The mere thought of him fantasizing about me had me ready to pounce. Edward has spent our entire relationship trying to make everything about me and what I wanted. Tonight, was going to be about him, about letting him explore his desire. Not that I wouldn't benefit, of course. But beneath all my desire, I hoped he now felt like he could explore his sexuality without restraint. There was nothing between us now. No shame, no hurt, no looming threat of life and death-just two people who loved each other inexplicably and beyond reason.

Quite honestly, there was nothing that he could suggest, aside from third party partners or viewers, that I wouldn't be willing to explore with him. Though I was quite certain my husband would be even more vehemently against a third party than I was. He had let it slip that Alice and Jasper had explored other partners early on in their relationship. It wasn't a regular occurrence, but it also wasn't something they shied away from even today. I was confident that that would be a hard no for both of us. The thought of anyone else touching me made me sick. And the thought of anyone else touching my husband made me sicker. I was confident we would be on the same page about most things-we were fit together so perfectly up until this point. If it was between us and only us…well Edward could do anything to me, and I would enjoy it. Like we agreed yesterday: it was always an expression of our love. And our love was stronger than ever.

While he tucked Renesmee in, I riffled through my lingerie collection for something to set the mood. I hadn't worn lingerie since our honeymoon-mainly because I was usually naked before any sort of premeditation or forethought was on the table. Tonight, I felt playful. Sexy. Bold. My fingers danced across barely-there sheer black, white lace, midnight blue silk- all probably more expensive than necessary. My fingers landed on the red satin. It was a simple set- the top a skimpy triangle shape and the bottoms a traditional thong with lacing on the butt. Sexy. Bold. And somewhat elegant. It was perfect.

I quickly slipped into the silk set and matching robe, debating on adding a pair of heels to the ensemble. Go big or go home, right? I stole a glance at myself in the mirror, admiring the way the red looked against my pale skin, the way the black pumps made my strong legs somehow look even longer and leaner. Even I could admit I looked hot.

"Bella?"

"I'll be right out!"

"Hurry," he said huskily.

I heard him take a seat on our bed, the sound of sheets rustling with his slacks the only sound between us. If I had a heart, it would be flying right now. It was nowhere near our first time together, but it somehow felt just as exciting. Letting the robe hang open, I situated it so that it was loosely resting on my shoulders. The red satin framed my body, accentuating my new elegance and grace. With one last look in the mirror, I was ready.

"Edward?" I called.

My personal Adonis sat on the edge of our bed looking like pure sex. The buttons on his shirt were already undone, allowing me the perfect view of his sculpted chest in the moonlight. His eyes were blacker than night has he took in my appearance. His face, the very definition of gob smacked. I smirked to myself-If he were human, he would be drooling right about now. I walked towards him, slowly, swaying my hips as I did so. When I reached him, I grabbed his hands in mine and placed them on my body.

"What do you think?" I asked.

He looked up at me, speechless. I giggled.

"That good, Edward Cullen?"

"Bella-I," he swallowed, "they haven't invented enough words to describe how utterly ravishing you look right now." He began trailing his hands along the length of my body. Up and down my sides, around my backside, my hips, my legs. I closed my eyes, reveling in the feeling of his hands on me. Finally, his hands trailed up my back, gently pushing the robe from my shoulders. The satin pooled at my feet in a sea of red, offering me to him. His eyes blazed against my body so fiercely, I felt as if every nerve ending in my body was on fire. His wandering hands burned my skin in their wake.

"What's the occasion my love?" he whispered, cool lips brushing against my navel as his hands settled on my hips.

I tied my fingers in his bronze hair, tugging slightly so that he would meet my eyes.

"Last night meant a lot to me, Edward. More than I can even begin to explain," I said, stroking his cheek lovingly.

He placed another sweet kiss to my navel.

"I want tonight to be about you. About what you want. About what you desire."

Wordlessly, his left hand slid from my hip to the back of my knee. He brought my left leg up beside him, my high-heel-clad foot cradling his hip. Roughly, he pulled me closer to him, his lips millimeters from my aching center.

"I want you, Bella. I desire you." Before I could protest, I felt his tongue brush over the thin fabric of my panties. I shuddered violently against him, the days' worth of fantasizing and planning, nearly bringing me to completion with a single stroke of his tongue.

"Edward," I shrieked.

My vampire legs had never felt so weak as his tongue glided along the silk of my panties and flicked the fabric that separated his tongue from my swollen clit. I was thankful when his strong arms gripped the tops of my thighs-pulling me closer to him.

"Edward, please." I begged, knowing he would understand my pleas. He moved my panties to the side, assaulting my clit with his talented tongue. One of his hands snaked its way from the back of my thigh to my opening. I gasped as he slipped a finger inside. The intrusion had me clenching, shaking, trembling. I was so close. My grip on his hair tightened as my orgasm ripped through my body. Biting my hand to stifle my moans, I couldn't help my grind my hips against his tongue. It was all too much.

As the trembling slowed, I felt his tongue languidly lick me top to bottom, lapping my juices. When he was certain I was "dry", he pulled himself from my body, peppering soft kisses along my stomach as he let me come down from my high.

"Hot damn," I said, finally recovered.

He chuckled, tossing me my favorite crooked smile, "Hot damn, indeed Mrs. Cullen."

I pushed his unbuttoned shirt from his shoulders and bent down to kiss him briefly.

"Take off your clothes and lay back on the bed." I whispered.

He did as he was told. I watched eagerly as he shed his pants and boxers, revealing his manhood fully at attention. I still felt a sense of pride knowing that I did that to him. Me. He was so beautiful. Crawling on top of him, I kissed up his stomach, stopping only to swirl my tongue around his erect nipples. When I reached his mouth, I placed a kiss on his lips and sat back on my heels, my knees on either side of his hips. His eyes were a cross between awestruck and primal lust as he looked at me, his hands tucked behind his head like a man ready to eat.

"When do I get to be inside of you, my Bella?" His voice was husky, but distant as his eyes continued to rake over my body. I was still in the red silk- and I planned to use that to my advantage. He knew I wanted to take the lead tonight and he was waiting for my cue. My chest swelled, loving how well he knew me. Adoring how much he was enjoying this.

"We'll get there, soon" I said, stroking his thighs. He hissed as my hands got dangerously close to his erection.

"As I said earlier, I really appreciate what you did for me last night. What you did for us. But I'm selfish, Edward," I said, slowly sliding my hands from their place on his thighs, up his body until we were face to face, "And selfishly I want more." His erection pulsed beneath me as he groaned.

"Bella."

I captured his lower lip with my teeth, nipping slightly before continuing, "Will you tell me your fantasies, Edward?" I asked seductively.

"Bella, I will- I need," he panted breathlessly. I felt him buck into me. He needed release.

"I know what you need," I said, seductively grinding my wetness against his erection, "And I'll give it you. But I need you to give me a fantasy first." I reached for the clasp of my bra, raising my eyebrows at him. Challenging him.

"Our biology table," he croaked, his voice strangled with need.

If I had a heart, it would've skipped a beat. The thought of him wanting me on our table was just more confirmation-he always wanted me. God, I loved him. I lifted my shield, inundating him with my love and lust as I ripped off the red silk and lowered myself onto his throbbing member. We gasped at the union, both near combustions. I leaned over so that we were face to face as I rode him. I fused my lips to his in utter desperation, looking for any outlet to express my love for him physically. He gripped my hips, guiding me up and down his length in a toe-curling rhythm.

I felt the beginnings of both of our orgasms-our bodies in perfect unison. He released his lips from mine and moved them to my ear.

"Come for me, love," he whispered.

As we finished, I felt his hands move from their place on my hips and tangle into my hair, his thumbs stroking my temples lovingly. I rested my forehead against his, relishing in our closeness. After a few minutes, I rolled off him and curled into his side.

Owls cooed in the distance as the moon continued to glow. The soft silver glow was a relief-Edward and I always lost track of time when we were together like this. Sometimes the sun would rise without either of us noticing. But I was nowhere near done with him yet. The sun would have to wait.

"You're not getting out of it," I said, knowing he knew what I meant.

"I wasn't trying to, love. I was simply too distracted to elaborate what with the red satin." He wore my favorite crooked smile, as his golden eyes raked over my naked body twisted in our sheets.

"Well, now that we've removed the red satin from the equation, will we tell me more?"

He laughed at my eagerness, placing a swift kiss to my lips, "As you said last night, we've covered a lot of ground instinctively. We fit together so well, my Bella."

I hummed in agreement and leaned in for another kiss. He knew my body better than I did, and I knew that I could say the same about him. It was a gift I knew did not exist in every marriage.

"I've always felt robbed that I never got to remove your wedding gown," he said, gazing off in the distance.

"That's easily remedied," I giggled, "What else?" There was an anticipatory dampness between my legs at the thought of more. I was utterly slick with impatience. But before I could press him for more, a look flashed behind his eyes that I could not decipher. Guilt? Shame? Embarrassment? Whatever the look was, it had dried me like a wildfire. The silly grin on my face surely vanished.

"I thought we were past this, Edward." I whispered, unwilling to meet his eyes.

"Bella, I-" he started, but I wouldn't wait for his excuses.

"I promise-unless you're asking me to share you, there's nothing you can say that will scare me away. Cross my heart and hope to die," I said, drawing an X shape on the skin above my dead heart.

"Very funny, Bella." He scoffed dryly.

"Don't you trust me?" I whispered.

I knew it was a low blow as soon as the words slipped from my lips. A part of me acknowledged that I was being selfish. But the other part of me didn't give a damn. I was his wife. His mate. And it truly pained me that he always held back when it came to your sex life. Every time I thought we made progress, that we were finally on the same page, he put up a wall. And his walls always brought my insecurities right back to the surface.

"Isabella," he growled, grabbing my face in his hands with an iron force.

"I love you. I trust you. I want you. I desire you. I dream of you in every conceivable way. Please never question that."

"And don't you ever," his hands tightened, fingers digging into my neck almost to the point of pain, "Think that I could even consider sharing. You're mine."

"Then what is that you feel like you can't share with me," I sobbed, wrapping my shaky hands around his wrists.

"Bella, I-," he sighed, loosening his grip of my face, "When you were human, I tried so hard not to fantasize about you. I failed miserably, of course, especially when I realized you desired me too. But beyond the ones that I shared last night- Bella, that's all I would allow myself. Those few moments of weakness when you had utterly obliterated my self-control. Then after you were changed, it was like pandoras box. I was-and am still-ravenous. I hesitated to answer you because I guess I don't have any new fantasies. Or rather, I can't really pinpoint a specific place or position or scenario."

Silence followed his confession as my brain tried to register this painful realization.

"I'm trying to understand, Edward. But it's a little bit hard to hear that my own husband doesn't fantasize about me anymore." Wrapping the thin white sheet around me, I pushed myself from the bed, needing to put space between us.

"Please don't misconstrue this, Bella." His pleas were strangled by his pain, as he flashed to my side, placing a cautious hand on my shoulder.

"Bella, please look at me." He spun me around in his arms, forcing me to look at him, his hands moving to my cheek, "This part of me didn't exist until I met you. This desire. And now that I've had you, truly had you in this new life, I am just utterly overwhelmed by it. I'm frenzied. I'm so in love with you and so completely overwhelmed by my desire for you that I'm frenzied, Bella. All I know, is that I need you. I want to be inside of you, taste you, feel you. All the time. Any way I can have you. Anywhere I can have you." His eyes were black with pain as he waited for me to understand.

"I hate to inform you my love, but I'm afraid my desire for you is irrevocable. You are by far, the most recklessly desirable creature I have ever encountered. I promised to cherish you, and I will spend the rest of our eternity proving that I cherish you in every way that a man should cherish his mate."

He sighed and stroked my cheek, his fingers dancing over my imaginary blush. Or rather, where my blush would have been, had I been capable.

"I'm so honored that you chose me Bella. That you're mine," he whispered.

"There was never any choice. You're mine too," I choked. Again, his fingers danced along my cheekbone, this time wiping away tears I could no longer shed.

I fused my lips to his, sobbing into his mouth. His fingers tangled in my hair, pulling me closer as he absorbed my cries.

When I had calmed down, I found the words to soothe us both, "I understand where you're coming from. I guess a lot of my fantasies are from before too. I always wanted you, nut in this new life, it's like I'm ready to undress you every second of everyday. We could be in a crowded classroom taking a math test and I would still need you," I laughed. Though the dull ache of insecurity hadn't completely subsided, I didn't want him to regret confiding in me. We were mates. Partners. We needed to talk about everything-even if it was hard. And I genuinely understood where he was coming from.

"Look, Edward. The thought of you not fantasizing about me was a bit hard to hear. I won't lie about that. But I also understand. When I first woke up after the change, I couldn't process all the new sensations. Everything was just more. I know what it's like not to be able to focus. I guess I just forget sometimes that this is all new for you, too. But we'll be okay-we have an eternity to figure this out."

"Forever," he concurred, sealing his agreement with a loving kiss.

"Let's go back to bed," I said, pulling him with me in all his naked glory. I released the sheet on the way and crawled on top of him in one swift motion.

"This night is still about you," I said, hoping my voice was sultry enough to restore our earlier mood.

I kissed my way down his chest. Hot and wet, as my lips made a burning trail to their target. Edward's eyes began to roll to the back of his head, purring as I got closer to his erection. His hands tangled into my hair as I kissed him. His right hip. His left hip. The patch of hair below his navel. I felt myself grow wet when my I finally wrapped my lips around his cock.

He shuddered, enjoying the sensation of my mouth wrapped around him. Suddenly, his hands seized my shoulders.

"Bella, Love, wait. You don't have to," he panted.

"Shhh! Just enjoy it," I said, lowering my head back down to resume my ministrations.

"Bella, I really don't need you to." The insistence in his voice gave me pause. I sat back on my knees, willing myself not to get emotional again.

"I mean, do you not…? Okay…" I said, feeling small for the second time tonight.

"Bella, of course I do, but I don't need you to." He said, reaching for me.

"You rarely let me pleasure you like this. I mean do you not…do you not like it? Or am I not…you know. Is it not your liking?"

Shock plagued his face, before he covered it with his hands. "My silly, self-reproaching Bella. I don't know how I keep managing to make you doubt my desire for you." He let out an exasperated sigh, "Aside from being inside of you, your mouth on me is one of the greatest pleasures I have ever experienced. But I don't need you to do that for me, Bella."

"But what if I want to?"

"It's unnecessary."

I knew this tone. He only took this tone with me when he needed the conversation to be over. But he knew better than to think I would give in. We were too deep, and I wouldn't let him dismiss me.

"But It's not unnecessary! It makes me so happy, so proud, seeing you come apart for me that way. Knowing that I am responsible for your pleasure. I like pleasuring you that way. Just as I know you enjoy pleasuring me in that way."

"You're right, love I'm sorry. I feel the same way about pleasuring you."

I knew my husband. He wasn't conceding- just agreeing.

"So, what's the difference?" I said, nearly shouting, "Were men against blow jobs in 1918 or something?"

"Trust me, Bella no man in any time period has ever been against…oral pleasure." He said dryly, "Its actually about the modern man more than anything."

"Sooo…. Modern men are against bjs?" I knew I was being a child, but it was starting to feel like pulling teeth.

He sighed, "I have been inside the minds of boys and men for 80 years and for most men, oral sex is not about love or pleasure- its degrading. It's about power and control. You'd be surprised how many men think about ways to manipulate women onto their knees for their own sick enjoyment-and I don't just mean physically. It's like a mental and emotional victory. I don't want you to ever feel like our lovemaking is anything other than love."

"Of course, I would never think that!"

He took a shaky breath, "I wasn't sure I would ever tell you this- mainly because it disgusts me-but most of the fantasies I endured from your human admirers were you on your knees for them. They were so disrespectful, Bella you have no idea how close I was to killing them. Newton had a pension for bragging rights. He imagined walking straight up to me in class to brag about how he not only got you to stray from me, but on your knees no less. Tyler imagined taking pictures of the act. Jacob, he-" His eyes flashed to mine, clearly regretting bringing him into the conversation, "Well we don't have to talk about him. My point is, Bella, it makes me feel like I'm taking advantage of you somehow. Like I'm no better than Newton if I let you "suck me off" every night."

I stared at him, taken aback by his confession. I knew he had had to endure some naughty thoughts from my classmates, but I admit, I wasn't expecting this.

"Edward, I'm so sorry you had to listen to that," I said, placing soft kisses on his forehead.

"You don't have to apologize, Bella. If anything, I'm the one who's sorry. No woman should be subjected to that kind of disrespect- even if it's just thoughts." I smoothed the worry lines between his brows.

"I appreciate how protective you are of me. But really, Edward, I know that it's not like that with us. I don't expect this to be a nightly occurrence, but I need you to get this through your head: I want to make you feel good because it makes me feel good. You're not asking me or manipulating me or trying to assert your dominance. I'm the one asking."

As I spoke, I let my hands trail down his stomach, circling my target in sensuous strokes. His cock twitched at my movements, but I did not reach for it.

"Let me show you how good it makes me feel."

Before he could protest, I took him in my mouth.

"Fuck, Bella"

Yes, my monster was back, and he was ready to play.

I took him deep in my throat before releasing his entire shaft. Leaving just his tip in my mouth, I dipped my tongue into his slit, moaning at the taste of his precum. I felt him buck into me and peered up at him through my thick eyelashes. As we made eye contact, I let him watch as I swirled the fluid around his tip with my tongue. When I was satisfied with his moaning, I let his tip fall from my mouth and used my hand to spread the fluid down his shaft. He thrusted into my hand, silently begging for more. I took him back in my mouth and wrapped my hands around the base. My hands squeezed and stroked in time with my oral ministrations-just the way he liked it. His fingers tangled in my hair as I continued to bob up and down, moaning at the taste of him.

"So good Bella, so fucking good." I rarely heard my husband curse. And if he did, it was only in these intimate moments between us, when he was simultaneously out of control, yet safe in my arms. I lifted my shield so he could hear how much I loved this. How much I loved knowing that I could make him come undone this way. It was empowering to see him lose his supernatural sense of control because of me. I took him deeper, making sure to maintain eye contact as I did.

"Bellaaaa". He threw his head back in ecstasy, his voice coming out in strangled pleas and pants.

He was so close. I let my hand trail downward, cupping his balls. His eyes widened with unabashed lust. I tasted him before I heard him. His roar was delayed, but fierce. So loud, I prayed Renesmee wouldn't wake. I liked him one last time, before releasing him, not caring that I surely had a shit-eating grin plastered on my face. He grabbed my shoulders, pulling me up his body, ready for me again. His lips molded to mine, tasting himself on my tongue. I straddled him, wet with need. It had been a long night and I needed him. Now.

He flipped me over, taking charge and entered me in one hard stroke.

"God, Bella, so fucking wet for me."

"Edward," I whimpered, no longer able to put together an intelligible sentence.

"Your mouth around my cock was the most arousing," thrust, "sexiest," thrust, "sight," thrust, "Oh, God and the feeling, Bella. So tight and wet," he said, his rhythm faltering in his passion. We wouldn't last long.

"I can't" he panted, "I can't hold on any longer, Bella. Please tell me you're close." I felt his control slipping, sending me closer to my own orgasm.

"I'm close, Edward," I cried, "So fucking close." He reached between us to pinch my clit and I exploded. Thrashing. Screaming. Moaning his name. I clawed at him, trying to pull him closer. Two more uneven pumps, and he slumped against me, taking unnecessary heavy breaths.

"I don't know what I ever did to deserve you, Bella. Thank you. For everything tonight. I promise that we'll always figure things out together. I won't hide from you anymore."

We gazed into each other's eyes for a long moment before I placed a passionate kiss to his lips.

"I love you, Edward."

"I love you, my Bella."