Another Life

Disclaimer: all characters and copyright belong to SM.

Overwhelmed

Bella was struck dumb. She stared at Jacob incredulously, wondering at first if he was just teasing her. However, his expression never changed, his whole demeanor remained subdued.

This couldn't be right. She was supposed to be in control here. What was going wrong? Why was her addled mind making such a mish mash of things? Changing such significant details as if to torment her further?

Bella laughed to hide her discomfort. "Okay then." She said, tapping the side of her head. "This thing must be faulty."

"Maybe." Jacob murmured. He sighed, turning around, and heading toward the thick strand of trees and shrubbery that concealed his garage from the house. The garage may have been no more than a couple of preformed sheds that had been bolted together with the interior walls knocked out, but for Bella it had become a sanctuary.

Following Jacob as he ducked under the entrance, she halted in surprise, staring in bewilderment at the VW Rabbit, which was raised on cinder blocks, the wheels and one door missing. Jacob had finished restoring the automobile months ago, so why was it in such an unfinished state? Had something happened to it? Had Jacob had an accident?

"What's wrong?" Jacob asked, noting the worried frown on her face. He followed the direction of her gaze curiously, his face brightening when he saw she was looking at the car. "Oh, that's a car I'm restoring." He said proudly. "It's an old – "

"Rabbit – 1986, a classic."

"Wow, I'm impressed." Jacob declared, grinning. "How did you know?"

"You told me." Bella replied faintly.

Jacob stilled, his grin quickly fading. "I didn't, Bella."

Bella felt the first signs of panic taking over. There was a discomfort in her chest, a feeling in her brain like excess caffeine... then it set in deeper. The urge to run, escape, hide, became overwhelming. She hated the sorrowful look that had taken over Jacob's face, the pity, the sadness.

The panic grew stronger as her mental faculties began to shut down. Bella wanted to jump right out of her skin and join the ether. She felt just like a child again, shaking, terrified. The constricted feelings grew, as if she was being strangled by just the air about her.

That's when Jacob reached out to her, murmuring soft words of comfort. He cradled her like a child needing an adult to "kiss" it better with kindness. As always, like every time, he was endlessly patient, his compassion unwavering.

"Its okay." He soothed. "Its all fine. Don't stress about it, honey. Its not important."

"I'm sorry." Bella whispered, blinking back the tears forming in her eyes.

Jacob seemed to understand her reluctance not to pursue the subject further. He stroked her hair a few times, before finally letting go, stepping back and taking his warmth with him.

"I think I should drive you home." He offered. "You seem to be struggling more than usual today. Maybe it was too much for you…. coming here."

Bella swallowed down the lump in her throat. "Do you want me to go?" She asked resignedly. "Charlie hinted that babysitting me might be becoming too much of a burden."

"Babysitting you?" Jacob questioned, frowning. "Charlie actually said that?" He sounded annoyed now.

"Not in so many words." Bella mumbled.

"Well what words did he use?" Jacob demanded, losing his cool a little. "Tell me."

Bella gazed up at him helplessly. She didn't know why she had said that. The words had just come out. She remembered vaguely having a conversation with Charlie, but couldn't recall the finer details. It was odd that would be the one thing that stuck.

"I can't – can't remember." She faltered.

Jacob stared at her for a minute, assessing, trying to see by her face whether what she said was true. Then the same subdued expression that had haunted his face earlier came back into play, proving that he believed she had genuinely forgotten.

"I'll take you home." He said again tiredly.

"No." Bella replied obstinately, hugging her arms around her body to hold herself together. "I want to stay. I mean…if you don't mind that is?"

"Sure, sure." Jacob mustered up a smile. "Come on then. I'll show you what I'm working on now. Don't tell your old man, though. I don't think he would approve."

"Okay." Bella promised.

Jacob led her to the back of the garage, where her eyes landed on a very familiar pair of motorcycles. She halted again, nausea welling in her throat.

Jacob had his back to her, so didn't see the panic flashing in her eyes. "I know they don't look like much." He explained. "But once I fix them up, they'll be as good as new. This one here will be worth something when I'm done – it's an old Harley Sprint."

"That one's yours then." Bella felt a sickening sense of déjà vu, knowing she had said those very same words once before.

Jacob glanced over his shoulder and threw her an odd look. "I'm not keeping them, Bella. I'm restoring them so I can sell them. I should get enough to buy the remaining parts I need to complete the Rabbit."

"Where – where did you get the bikes?" Bella stuttered.

Jacob brightened up again. "They were a gift."

"A gift?" Bella stared at the rusting heaps of metal. "From me by any chance?"

Jacob snorted with laughter. "Very funny, Bella." He really thought she was joking this time.

"Then who?" Bella choked on the question, wincing when she saw Jacob gazing at her in concern.

"A friend." Jacob hedged. "It doesn't matter."

"I think it does." Bella insisted.

"Why?"

"Please, Jake, who gave them to you?"

"A girl."

"What girl? Do I know her?"

Jacob was looking extremely uncomfortable. He averted his gaze, chewing on his lower lip as he considered whether to answer truthfully, or bluff his way out of it. In the end, he decided to go with the truth.

"Lauren Mallory."

Bella's eyes flew open wide. She hadn't expected that. "You're kidding me, right?"

Lauren Mallory was a somewhat unfriendly, yet extremely popular, girl who went to the same school as Bella. When Bella first moved to Forks, the instant attention she received made Lauren envious, and she had remained hostile ever since. Bella usually avoided her as much as possible, ignoring her catty comments and her blatant disregard for other peoples' feelings. To find out that Jacob knew her, let alone was friendly with her, just blew Bella's mind. Everything was completely scrambled in this universe and she hated it.

"Why would I be kidding? Lauren is one of your best friends. You were the one who introduced us, remember?" Jacob flinched when he realized he had let too much slip. "Don't worry about it. Just forget I said anything."

"Like I forget everything else?" Bella retorted. "No, Jacob, I am not going to brush this under the carpet. Lauren Mallory is not my best friend. I dislike her and she dislikes me. I don't know why she would fabricate such a story, pretending we're friends just to hook you in – "

"Hey!" Jacob cut in, losing his cool again. "Don't diss Lauren like that. She's one of the only ones who stuck by you after what happened. That was until you decided to ghost her. She didn't deserve that, Bella."

Bella's face paled as she stared at Jacob in shock. She felt her former panic rising. Jacob had been so patient and understanding with her so far, that it shocked her when he raised his voice like that. And what did he mean that Lauren was the only one who stuck by her after what happened? What had happened?

"I don't know what you mean, Jacob."

"Of course, you don't." Jacob's anger was already subsiding. "You'll wipe this from your memory just like everything else of importance. It's a crappy way of coping, Bella. Maybe its time you started facing up to things."

Bella reeled away from him. "You know about the cliff dive?" She whispered brokenly. "You were running late…I couldn't wait anymore…I…"

"Oh, not this again!" Jacob's tone was filled with frustration. "Stop it, Bells. Just stop making up bullshit scenarios in your head. I'm tired of placating you like everyone else. I'm done with it."

"Placating me? What do you mean? It was you who suggested going cliff diving in the first place. I- "

"It never happened!" Jacob shouted. "I don't know what jumbled mess is going on in your head, Bella, but you have to cut it out."

Tears formed in Bella's eyes. His pain was her pain. Somehow, she sensed she was the root cause of it. And now he had lost patience and all his pent-up frustration with her had come spilling out.

"I was just trying to hear Edward's voice." She whispered, closing her eyes in despair. "I know it sounds crazy, Jake. You must think I'm insane. I jumped without you and now I'm paying the price. I'm dying, Jake. Please don't turn away from me. I need you. I'll always need you. Even if you are only a figment of my imagination right now."

"Oh, god!" Jacob's fingers found their way into his hair. He brushed through the inky black strands over and over, gazing at her with troubled eyes. "I don't know what to do anymore. I've tried, Bella, honey. I really have. I thought I was helping. The episodes were getting less and less. But you seem to be regressing again. Maybe it was too much for you, spending so much time together. I was trying to create a new normal. But normal is never coming back, is it?"

"We never had normal, Jake." Bella said hoarsely. She could already feel herself drifting, drifting. She saw herself, balanced on the edge of the cliff, crouching, getting ready to spring…

And then she flung herself off the cliff.

She screamed as she dropped through the open air like a meteor, but it was a scream of exhilaration and not fear.

Not fear. Not fear. Not fear.

Then it all changed. One moment she was plummeting form the cliff, the next a road replaced it, her exhilaration turned to deadly panic, as her ears were filled with loud screams, acrid smells, and the worst pain you could ever imagine. It was all noise and mangled metal.

No! No! No! I don't want to remember! She pushed the image of the wrecked car out of her mind. Already she was forgetting….

"Bella! Bella! Bells, honey."

Bella opened her eyes to find Jacob's face blocking out the light. "Oh." He gasped in relief. "Oh, Bella! Are you okay? I shouldn't have pushed you like that. I'm sorry."

"Wh-what happened?" Bella stuttered, her lips quivering.

Guilt flashed in Jacob's eyes as he slid his arms under her and lifted her without effort. "You fainted."

"Why?"

Jacob held Bella against his chest, hunching his shoulders over to keep the rain off her as he carried her out of the garage. Bella's head lolled over his shoulder as she stared vacantly up at the grey sky.

A/N-thanks for reading!