"I don't understand." Darkrai grumbled as he paced around in Verity Cave.
The past week had Darkrai asking himself the same question over and over again. No matter how many answers he came up with none seemed good enough. So he had decided to pay a visit to the world's expert on emotions, Mesprit.
"Why was she so mad at me for protecting her?" Darkrai growled, "Those ghosts were going to hurt her. If I hadn't stepped in-"
"Darkrai stop." Mesprit flew up to his face, "Before you go into your spiel again, I think I should know if you've talked to Cresselia about any of this."
"She wouldn't listen to me even if I tried." Darkrai scoffed rolling his eyes.
Much to Darkrai's surprise, Mesprit let out an annoyed grumble.
"And there lies our problem."
The magenta sprite gingerly picked up a small green leaf and stared at it wistfully.
"I've been Cresselia's best friend for as long as I can remember. She doesn't want to cause more pain so she puts up this sweet little act and pretends to be okay when she isn't. She spent years pining after you but never once broached the subject."
Mesprit let the leaf drop to the ground.
"Years…?" Darkrai muttered in disbelief.
"And you put up shields, Darkrai."
Darkrai turned to glare at Mesprit but the sprite gave him an equally ferocious stare.
"You know it's true."
Darkrai opened his mouth to retort back but found all his responses empty.
"You're both so scared of being hurt that you don't let yourselves live."
Darkrai gripped the walls to balance himself and buried his face in a claw. Mesprit sighed and placed a comforting paw on his back.
"If you really want to be with her, you have to let those shields down."
Darkrai let lose a defeated sigh and turned away. Vulnerability was a concept he struggled with immensely. He avoided it at all cost. Darkrai had learned to keep himself to himself and that was that. But with Cresselia it had been different. The soft touch of her paw on his arm made him feel at ease, her mirthful smile and warm melodious laugh made his heart light. If there was ever a creature he could let in it was her. Cresselia was worth the risk.
"I don't want to lose her." He murmured.
"You can do this. Trust me, everything is going to work out just fine. You'll see."
Darkrai wasn't sure if he believed Mesprit but in the moment he let his spirit hold on to hope.
She did say I could visit. Darkrai thought when he landed on Full Moon Island.
He fiddled with a strand of his hair before carefully pushing it back into place and sighing heavily.
Well. I better get this over with.
It didn't take Darkrai long to find Cresselia. She was sitting outside her cave, a half-eaten Magoo berry in her paws, staring up at the half moon. Her tired magenta eyes locked on him the moment he came into sight.
"Hey Cress." He greeted her politely.
The lunar swan didn't even attempt a smile. Her gaze upon him was expectant. Swallowing some of his pride Darkrai relented.
"I apologize for what happened at Canalave. I…I didn't mean to scare you."
Cresselia let loose a small exhausted sigh.
"I appreciate your apology but I'm not the creature you should be apologizing to."
"What are-" Darkrai nearly rolled his eyes, "The ghosts? Cress they hurt you I was only-"
"Protecting me?" Cresselia shook her head, "Don't lie to yourself, Darkrai. What you did was…horrible."
"I don't understand." Darkrai admitted.
"How could you not understand!?"
Cresselia lifted herself off the ground and sharply turned to face him, her eyes bored into him. Darkrai's mouth went absolutely dry and his skin prickled painfully as if he had been poisoned. He suppressed a shudder.
"Cress…I've spent my whole life protecting myself by scaring others away. I don't know what else I could've done."
Cresselia leaned back. His answer seemed to have nearly placate her but she continued.
"You tortured them Darkrai. They were going to leave but you-"
"How did I know they wouldn't come back and hurt you again?"
"That doesn't justify nearly frightening them to death!"
A cloud passed over the moon, shadowing both of them.
"Cress…this isn't just about what happened at Canalave is it?" Darkrai sighed.
Cresselia paled and averted her gaze before turning away.
"I don't want to talk about it." She began to move towards her cave.
"Cresselia…"
Darkrai reached out to touch her but Cresselia flinched away. Though hurt coursed through his veins, he didn't want to upset her more so he took on a quieter tone.
"I'm so confused. We were so close before all this. Before when you looked at me I felt something, like I belonged somewhere but I see how you look at me now. I know what happened based on everyone else's accounts, but I want you to tell me your side."
Cresselia froze for a moment.
"I already said I don't want to talk. Please drop it." Despite being able to keep her voice under control Cresselia had begun to shake.
"No, I will not drop it." Darkrai replied firmly as he crossed his arms, "This is important, we have to talk about this."
"We do not." Cresselia huffed in agitation, "It happened. It's the past. We should just let it go."
"If it's just the past then why are you holding back?"
When Cresselia snapped around to face him again, her voice hissed with the harshness of a burning wild fire.
"Because unlike you I don't have the luxury of forgetting!"
Cresselia bit her lip, her eyes wide with horror.
"No that's not what I-"
"Is that what you call a luxury?" Darkrai retorted, his volume rising, "Forgetting a whole decade of your life? Not knowing why the one creature you care about the most looks at you with fear in her eyes!"
"Just drop it, already, Darkrai. Drop it." Cresselia ordered.
"Look if we are ever going to sort out these feelings we have for each other we're going to have to talk about this!"
"You want to know what you did? Fine!" Cresselia shut her eyes, "Imagine this! Imagine waking up one day and deciding, yes! Today I'll finally be brave! I'll finally say what I've wanted to say for years!" Cresselia drew out the last two words with painful agony, "I never got to say it! Never! Because you decided how I felt wasn't enough for you! You forced me on a journey that could have resulted in me losing you forever! I almost killed you…"
Water began to flood down the sides of her face.
"Can you even understand what it feels like to have to choose between your duty and the one you love? Knowing that you have to do what's right even though it will break your heart in two? How could you put me through something like that?"
Cresselia's blue and yellow feathers sparkled beautifully even in the cave's dull light. Her magenta eyes that now were glistening with pain once held such kindness. Her soft pink paws that made every burden and ache fade and soft voice that banished away even his darkness. Guilt and shame overcame Darkrai, he could barely look at her.
"I have no excuse. What I have done to others, especially to you was wrong. No reason will ever erase that."
Cresselia sharply inhaled, her head lowered. Her voice was so fragile he was terrified it would break.
"Was I not enough?
"Stop." Darkrai sighed as he moved toward her until they were only a breath apart, "Cresselia, please look at me."
The lunar swan whimpered but did as he asked. Slowly he reached forward and let his claws rest an inch over her tear soaked cheek. He glanced at her for permission before gently cupping both of them. He was grateful she didn't pull away.
"None of this happened because of you. I chose this. It's all my fault."
Darkrai blinked away the wetness that had begun to prickle in his own eyes.
"I'm so sorry. I don't have the words to describe how sorry I am."
Darkrai wiped the remaining tears from her eyes.
"If there's any way for me to earn back your trust please tell me." Darkrai said softly, "I will do anything for you."
"Promise me." She stared at him seriously, "Promise me you won't put me in that position again."
"I swear to you, I will never put you through that again."
Darkrai was just about to remove his claws from her when Cresselia closed her eyes and leaned her head against them. Her soft feathers and warm breath moved across his palm as she nuzzled him. Darkrai froze. His heart began to beat so rapidly he thought it would burst. Sighing heavily she finally moved away her magenta eyes meeting his. Darkrai almost pinched himself for he had to be dreaming. Past all of the tears, upon Cresselia's face was a genuine delicate smile.
Well it has certainly been awhile huh? I'll admit this chapter took me much longer than I really wanted it to. It was a big turning point in the story so my perfectionist self went overboard to try to make it work. That plus school being relentless with my time as well as a bigger personal project I have with a set deadline(which I really have to work on after I post this) made this take what...2 months... I really wanted to be able to finish this story by the end of the year but that isn't going to happen. Regardless I have every intention to finish, no matter how long it takes me. I hope ya'll are enjoying, please leave a review, and have a lovely day/night! ~Dawneques