19th JUNE, 2023
STARLINE POV - PRESENT TENSE
"I never even considered setting up a place to stay between recruitments."
How could I be so foolish? I can't keep being such an embarrassment to myself.
"You know, we could use this place."
"Waluigi, I appreciate the offer, bu-"
"But nothing. I don't need to keep this place to myself. I have enough power for a while and we can get more."
"What I was going to say was that this place couldn't possibly fit enough people. We need something bigger, grander, something-"
"Something like one of Luigi's old mansions?"
"One of WHAT?"
20th JUNE, 2023
THIRD PERSON
"How do you deal with Sonic so often? I could hardly go a minute without wanting to crush his puny skull!"
Bowser's previous defeat against Sonic was less than ideal for his ego so his only choice was to go to a professional in the field of hedgehog extermination.
"That's because you can't think about anything that isn't food or plumbers, which fall into the same category for you."
Eggman is the only moustachioed human Bowser would every work with. After learning that both fought an oddly powerful being that has went back in time, met himself, become invincible out of nowhere and collects random gold from boxes or even the ground, there was no way the two wouldn't try joining up to take them down.
"Well, if you really need the help, I suppose it won't hurt to share some tips. To start, you need to have counters to match your foe. I've hired and created strength, smarts, speed and some imbecile named Starline because they seemed like they were the marmite to Sonic's toast. If he didn't like them, he'd still need to deal with them anyways! Sure, I've always failed but it's gotten me closer to ruling the world than your sorry 'ooh, let's get a dragon to knock down the guy who can bounce to put out fires on him so I can marry his girlfriend' ass ever has!"
"Do you want to test if you can put out fires quickly?"
"No, no! I was just, err, thinking of what I could call the next meathead who chooses to go back in time to place Sonic in a volcano. Spoiler alert, he needs can survive it with seven rings in hand.
Anyways, next tip! Memorise every sound, every mannerism of theirs so they can never attempt stealth!"
Cling.. cling.. cling..
"For example, that's the sound of that Ceilinghog standing in the north-east corner of this room, upside down because that smug, uninnovative inventor Tails is the 5th Mobian to ever create magnet shoes at best."
"He did it at age 12 while with only a couple of years experience while you've had a degree for 30 years and you're teaching the 'Coup-a' chickens controlling the 'Koopa King.'"
The grin on Sonic's face as he came up with that quip would be contagious to anyone else than the two recipients. Especially Bowser.
"'Hey, nobody's talking to you, PAL.'"
"You want to use my own spells against me, Bowser? Well, I was just going to say hi to Egghead, ask how the kids are doing and go. Woe is me, now I have to be quick so Tails doesn't realise you've seen me."
"Still believes it, does he? Good to know the boy still has his youth."
Eggman was in a good mood and didn't feel the need to conquer the world with all of the heroes of the universe near him. Besides, Mega Man and Rob's matches can keep Metal Sonic and Sage happy for a while, leaving him with less to deal with.
"IF YOU TWO KEEP TALKING, I'LL RIP YOU TO SHREDS!"
"Already said I had to leave. Would'a remembered that if your brain wasn't as slow as your feet. Later!"
whoosh.
TAILS' LAB, MOBIUS - THIRD PERSON
"One more thing, and..."
whoosh.
"Hey Sonic! What did Eggman think of my invention?"
Tails, I hate to break it to you, but...
"Didn't have a clue! Absolutely furious, you should'a seen it!"
He couldn't bare to tell him. Nothing would make him confess to Tails that his inventions weren't helping with stealth.
"Hey, you wanna do anything later, bro? The new Chao in Space show is on Dixon!"
Surely Tails wouldn't turn down sci-fi.
"Sonic, that show was made only for money and probably just references the good originals a ton. I'm not watching it."
"Anything else then?"
"No, I'm fine for today."
Hmm. Odd. Must be too busy working on something..
"If you say so, little bro."
STARLINE POV - PRESENT TENSE
BOO WOODS
"And you're telling me that guy chooses to not live in a mansionbecause there used to be a ghost problem when he first got it despite having the perfect tool to deal with them and then leaves it without any security precautions whatsoever?"
"Well, when you say it like that, I really should've considered this earlier..."
Why am I working with him? He's already at the very least tied for the most naive person in this group!
"Like I said, this place has no ghosts left anymore, so we should be fine to use old E Gadd's technology."
"The Professor E Gadd? The one that invented this technology on my very hand?"
"How many people do you think are called E GADD? Do you think a sane parent would name their child after something a detective shouts?"
"I was simply trying to make some small talk with somebody who can't escape the shadows without me."
Subtle manipulation should suffice to bring him back to peace for now…
"Ok, I'm calm now!"
Works every time.
"Quite a large building, isn't it? Must be thousands of square feet. Though, we'll only need basement for its technology and bedrooms for obvious reasons."
Not to mention that this place has no Eggman to nearly kill me and make me lose everything. My creations, my confidence,
THAT LUNATIC TOOK MY SANITY!
"A-are you ok? You look mad."
"Mad is a good word to describe it, my friend..."
Friend's an exaggeration. I can't have friends. It doesn't work and I'll never have true ones, only self-entitled fools.
"Ok... how will we check what's on each floor?"
"E Gadd would have a map on his computer that we could access."
"WHO IN THE NAME OF THE MASTER EMERALD LOCKS A MAP BEHIND A UNIQUE PASSWORD? NOT JUST "GADD14901" LIKE MOST OF THEM, BUT SOMETHING WHOLELY ORIGINAL? DO YOU WANT A PRIZE? THE ONLY ONE YOU'RE WINNING IS WORLD'S OLDEST MAN!"
If I see this man when we eventually take over, let chaos have no fury like a platypus scorned!
"The old man's predictable. Waluigi time!
Wah! Wa-Lu-I-Gi!"
He's just searching everything...
"Wa Wa Wah. Guhghguhguh, ERRR!
WALUIGI'S NUMBER ONE!"
"A... book?"
"It's a password book. Not like your autofill these days. Honestly, youth..."
"The fact that you're only 8 years older than me aside, good intuition! You're proving to be a valuable ally already!"
I can use his mischief and theft skills well later...
"Well, let's have a look. We haven't got forever! Great, the pages are lettered to sort them. A: Safe? He didn't... read the letters."
He's blind and stupid. Sounds like E Gadd is this universe's Eggman.
"Back on Mobius, speed was a common factor in power. If I'm not wrong, speed reading is also useful."
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, yes!
"Right here. Page 15, letter O. 'Map of building: 71515979."
"Why would he pick a bunch of numbers? I thought you needed a letter or a special character or your mother's maiden name in morse code these days."
"If you say these days one more time at age 25, I'm going to kick you in the lung. Also, I believe this might mean something. If 1 was A, 2 was B and et cetera, then this could be either G-A-E-A-E-I-G-I, G-O-A-E-IGI, G-A-E-"
"I get it. It's G-O-O-I-G-I."
"But why would it be that? The end matches yours and Luigi's but that explains very little."
"Say Gooigi one half at a time."
Goo-igi.
"Oh, Goo Luigi. That sounds familiar."
"2 star coins to whoever guesses the person who made it."
"Okay, let's just check the rooms. There are... 45 rooms, 5 being bedrooms and 2 bathrooms and/or washrooms. Additionally, 3 of those bedrooms have 2 beds, meaning that we can fit 8 people here, including us. It's not an ideal amount. However, we can also do a bit of rearranging so long as we acquire or, if necessary, construct, additional furniture to replace unimportant rooms with practical ones."
"So, what about my brother Wario? How do we have him help us without dealing with the rest of the Smash Brothers roster?"
Great, he wants to bring along a friend.
"Well, for now we'll have to just travel across the area and get new allies and have Wario help at the very end."
"Fine. By the way, you're paying the electricity bill."
"I don't have the right currency and I know how the power moons work."
"Worth a shot."