Sometime around 3:30 am Noah began to fuss. Olivia stirred, but her limbs felt stiff and heavy. The emotions from the previous day had taken their toll, and she felt emotionally and physically drained. She lifted Elliot's arm off of her so she could slide out from underneath the comforter. She sat on the edge of the bed and rolled the stiffness out of her neck.

Her bare feet pressed into the carpet as she made her way to Noah's bed. His bright blue were open wide and he flashed her the sweetest grin. Tears gathered in her eyes and she reached for her baby boy. She lifted him against her and he dropped his pudgy cheek to her shoulder. She cried silent tears as she bounced and swayed the growing infant. He was her perfect miracle, and like everything else that was good in her life, the universe was cruelly ripping him away.

She turned and watched Elliot sleeping soundly. Normally she felt awash with affection, but tonight all she felt was fear. Fear of losing Noah, and fear that eventually she would lose Elliot too.

She thought about her emotional outburst in the kitchen and his ardent reassurances, and she wanted to believe him. She did. Mostly. There was always that small piece of her that couldn't quite accept that his presence would be permanent. He left once. He could leave again, and that thought was terrifying.

She continued to rock and sway, letting her fingers lightly brush her baby's curls. He began to feel heavy in her arms, and she knew he was sound asleep. Still, she hesitated to lay him back down. She wanted…she needed to hold him, just a little longer. She rested her lips on the top of his head, and inhaled the smell of baby lotion. She tried to make a memory so not matter what happened, she would remember every single thing about the baby she found in a drawer. The baby she thought was meant to be hers.

After some time, her arms began to ache and she knew she needed to lay Noah back down, but her heart clenched at the idea of letting him go, even for a minute. Instead, she did something she never did. She brought Noah to bed with her, and let him rest against her chest. His weight on her chest was soothing in a way, and his baby smell was intoxicating. She fell asleep in seconds.

-000-

"Liv still sleeping?" Amanda tried to keep her voice light in an attempt to hide her concern. She poured her cup of coffee before digging in the cabinet for some food.

The problem with living with a bunch of cops was that everyone seemed to possess a stronger than average BS meter. Elliot read her concern with ease, but responded with a similar coolness. "Yeah. Noah kept her up a lot last night." He moved past her to pour his own cup of coffee.

Amanda dumped a packet of instant oatmeal into a bowl. "I didn't hear him…" she gently called him out.

He sighed, and his eyes drifted over to Frannie who sat next to her food bowl patiently. When he approached the cabinet with her food her tail began wagging so hard it plinked a quick rhythm against her ceramic bowl. "Hang on lady, I got ya." He poured some food, and said, "She's not taking this well."

Amanda hit the quick heat button on the microwave. "And you?" She asked sincerely.

He swallowed deeply, and provided a little honesty for one of his closest friends. "I'm not doing much better, but…" he knew this was much harder on Olivia than it could ever be for him. Elliot loved that baby like one of his own, but for Liv…she was his mother. Elliot had his kids and a family that would always be his, but for Olivia, Noah was her only family. Her only baby.

"Yeah." Amanda said solemnly, saving him from his emotion filled thoughts.

Elliot cleared his throat and returned to his coffee. "I think she might take the day and stay with him. We haven't talked about it, but I think she should."

"They talked about your guys' social worker setting up a visit with Ellie at the prison today." Amanda hesitated. His stomach turned. Olivia hadn't mentioned anything about a visit. Noting his surprise Amanda asked, "She didn't tell you?"

Elliot pinched the bridge of his nose and squeezed his eyes shut. "No she didn't."

Amanda eyes him with sympathy. "They set everything up last night." Amanda shrugged. "The deal was Ellie couldn't see Noah until she flipped…"

"And she flipped," Elliot's stomach turned at the sudden reality. His heart broke for Olivia. "I think I need to talk to Liv."

"Probably a good idea."

Elliot exited the kitchen and made his way down the hall to their room. The room was still dark and silent when he pushed open the door. He approached Liv's side of the bed and savored the scene in front of him.

Olivia was obsessive about pediatric sleep recommendations and Noah almost never slept with them in their bed. But at some point in the night Olivia had brought Noah into bed with her.

The comforter was tucked loosely around Olivia, leaving Noah uncovered in his fleece fitted pajamas. They both were laying on their sides facing each other. Olivia's arm draped protectively around him, and Noah's tiny fingers rested on her cheek. They looked perfect together, and he hated to wake her.

Not wanting to wake Noah if possible, he carefully moved Olivia's arm and lifted the baby off the mattress. Noah stirred, but ultimately remained asleep when Elliot gently laid him in his crib.

Once Noah settled he returned to where Olivia still slept. "Liv?" He dropped a firm hand to her shoulder. "Liv?" He tried once more.

Her eyelids fluttered, and a pair of deep brown eyes focused on him. He brushed her hair away from her face and cupped her cheek. "I'm sorry. I just need to know what," he hesitated. The prison visit was the absolute last thing he wanted to burden her with, but he needed to know the plan. "What do you want to do today? Amanda said that," his stomach tightened. "She said Noah needed to visit Ellie today?"

Her eyes immediately filled with tears, and he regretted starting this whole conversation. He sat on the edge of the bed and took her hand. "I can take him. I understand if you don't want to…" he wasn't sure she could take the pain of the visit. "If you can't take him."

She shook her head adamantly. "You can come if you want, but I'm taking him." She closed her eyes, trying to fight back the tears. "I need…" she opened her eyes again, "I need to be there for him. For this. I need to," she swallowed deeply, "I need to see her with him. In case, in case this becomes real." She bit her lip, still trying to hold back the torrent of tears threatening to surface.

He lifted the comforter, "Scoot over," he said gently. She complied, and moved more towards the center of the bed. He laid next to her and tossed the comforter over his legs. He pulled her close so her head tucked just beneath his chin. "Will you let me come with you?" His voice came out uncharacteristically quiet.

Her eyes lifted to his face and he could feel her internal battle. It was a constant with Olivia Benson. She bounced between fierce independence, and a deep need for connection. He never quite knew where she might land.

"Um. Yeah. But maybe stay in the background? I don't know. I'm not sure how Ellie will do with a man in the room, especially, you know…you."

He knew what she was getting at, but he took the opportunity to reintroduce some levity back into their life. "Me, huh?" He grinned and let his hands drift to her waist. "What about me is intimidating?" He kept his voice quiet, but continued with a teasing tone. "My devilishly good looks?" He watched a smile begin to inch across her face. He brought his mouth enticingly close to hers, "or is it because..."

She rolled her eyes before, she shoved him on his back, and sealed her lips over his. He smiled into the kiss, knowing she was just trying to get him to shut up. His tongue found hers, and he groaned when she pulled his bottom lip into her mouth, sucking hard before releasing it. Her eyes were closed as she pressed her forehead to his. "It's your perfect humility…" he held back a laugh before rolling her over so he now hovered over her.

"I love you," his voice was deep and sincere.

She lifted a hand to his cheek and responded. "I know." She slid her hand to the back of his head, and encouraged his face closer. Just before his lips met hers, she whispered, "I love you too. So much."

-000-

She loved him. On good days she accepted his love freely, but there were days she doubted everything good in her life…especially him. Those days were dark, and fear mercilessly gripped her heart. The days she pushed him away were the days she needed him to push right back. He knew her, and he usually knew exactly how to bring her back.

It wasn't always sex, but a lot of the time it was. Sometimes the sensation of his hands and mouth in her body was the only thing that could ground her. The only thing that could keep her here.

They had become quite accustomed to making love passionately…but quietly. With a roommate and a baby, they had to keep their noises to a minimum, but sometimes she couldn't keep noise from escaping her lips.

Elliot lifted her shirt, and tossed it carelessly to the floor. Her skin flooded with goosebumps as his fingers lightly danced across the soft skin of her stomach. He caught her gaze, and she almost shied away from the complete adoration she saw there. Instead she pulled him back towards her, crashing her lips into his with intensity.

She wasted no time, and began to tug the hem of his shirt up so she could press her hands onto his warm skin. She swallowed the light groan that he unintentionally released. Her hands pressed into his chest and dragged the length of his body, feeling every muscle. She felt his muscles tighten as her fingers lightly gripped the waistband of his sweats.

She teased him slightly by leaving her hands there, not letting them move further. He chuckled. He knew she was just provoking him to wind her up more.

She gasped as he nipped just below her jaw, swiping his tongue across the mark he most likely left. He brought his lips back to hers and she felt her emotions slipping into the kiss. All the fear, pain and uncertainty flowed through her, and he accepted it as his own. Her fingers dug into the back of his shoulders, as his hands wandered beneath her shorts to grab her ass. He pressed her hips towards his and she let out his name breathlessly. God she loved him. It never ceased to amaze her how connected she could feel to another person.

He released her lips and left a trail of deep kisses down the length of her neck. As if he could read her every thought, his lips danced above her ear. "I'm staying Liv. No matter what. I promise, nothing could tear me away from you."

Tears stung the corners of her eyes, and she didn't bother hiding them. His words echoed through the chambers of her heart, and she hoped to God that he would always keep that promise.

-000-