CONRAD

„Already done with her? It's only been a day." I asked in a cocky tone, I couldn't hide my petty side. I knew he didn't deserve her. I knew he didn't know the first thing about my Belly, but it's obviously not even about that. I knew better than to think that love is about who knows who the best. It was about those invisible, inevitable attractions that pull people together.

„Could you please stop being such a dick?" He asked, seemingly upset, as he should be, I was being a dick.

„Did you get her back home safe?" I asked.

„Yes. At breakfast Laurel told us she is buying the house. Did you know about this?" He asked.

„I just found out a couple of hours ago myself." I admitted.

„That's a good thing, right?" Just for a single second, I saw him as my little brother, asking for a genuine opinion from his older brother.

„No one loved our mom like Laurel did." I said that as if it wasn't already the most obvious thing in the world, I continued—

„Besides, nothing really changes, Laurel is like family to us, she will take good care of our place." I reassured him.

„She wants to have dinner with us, to celebrate." He said, looking down at this shoes. Was he ashamed?

„I don't really feel like celebrating." I admitted, it was difficult to even look at him right now. Out of all of the people I wanted to be around, he was the last one on the list. And the worst thing about all of this? He wasn't even to blame. I couldn't point out one single thing I could be mad about. Isabel Susannah Conklin, was the single most amazing woman and he kissed her, he wasn't the one to blame, I wish I could despise him, hate him, but it was reasonable. I get that he kissed her, I wanted to kiss her all the time.

„It's important to her." He said, almost looking sincere, he continued-

„Lauren is really, really excited about this, this house means as much to her as it does to us." As if I didn't know that…

„Well, since you are here and you have my car…" I took a look behind me, all of my things from the dorm, neatly packed into boxes.

Jere didn't think about it twice. He walked pass me and started grabbing all of the boxes, carrying them out into the truck of my car. He wasn't usually the one to do stuff without being asked, was this his apology? Was this his way of saying that he is sorry for how things turned out to be?

We packed all of my things and carried all of the boxes outside… in complete silence. Once we sat inside I told him:

„I won't be in your way Jere." I finally confessed.

„I know you love her." He said, not even looking at me for a second.

„That's really hard to hide." I smirked and looked down then continued—

„But she chose you and I respect that." I looked at him, he looked so small, he made himself small. He really was ashamed.

„She needs to be safe and she needs to be happy. There is nothing else I want." I said, being fully honest.

„I can make her happy."

„You better Jere…You better make her fucking happy… out of her mind happy, she deserves that." I wasn't one of those people who could cry. I was always excellent in hiding that, covering it with gestures that I could control more easily, but this hit me, this felt real, it felt like letting her go, giving her up. Nothing hurt quite as that. I felt my eyes tearing up.

„I know." He said, starting the engine.

The car ride felt dull. I could tell this wasn't easy for him either. As a brother, I wanted him to feel the things I felt for Belly, I wanted him to find someone that can make him feel strong and weak at the same time, I never thought it could still be my Belly. The memory of them kissing right in front of me, was still cutting deep and slow, but not only was there nothing I could do, but nothing I was allowed to do. I promised her, I promised her I would watch over him, I couldn't disappoint my mom, she was counting on me, she needed me.

„Why didn't you tell her?" Jere asked, out of the blue.

„Tell her what?" I played stupid, again.

„What you really feel." He elaborated.

I took a deep breath, working the answer up in my head.

„It wasn't my place to manipulate her decision, she needed to figure that out on her own." I answered.

„Do you think this is what she really wants?" He sounded desperate.

I wish I could read her thoughts. I wish Belly was an open book for me. She wouldn't kiss Jere if it wasn't one of her biggest desires. It was a choice… Or was it? Did I give her the opportunity to explore the idea of being with me? As if that even matters now! As if things could ever go back to how they were, as if I could keep on fighting for her attention with my brother being all up on her. It disgusted me. My Belly, tangled up in his arms.

„Obviously." I spat out, genuinely annoyed by his voice.

The rest of the ride was silent, thank God. I don't think I could take another thought being wasted on losing her to him. We arrived at their house pretty late. I walked out and grabbed my sports bag. As I walked in I saw Laurel on the couch, typing something on her laptop with a glass of wine in her hand. She looked up and gave me a big smile. After putting her laptop and wine on the living-room table she stood up and walked over to me, giving me a big hug. She knew. I know she knew.

She told us Belly and Steven are already in bed and she was working on another book. Soon after that Jere said his goodbye and went to Steven's room, where he already slept on an extra mattress the night before. Laurel asked me if I wanted to sit with her for a while. I couldn't say no. I really enjoyed our talks, she had a tough but honest opinion, which I truly valued.

„How was the car-ride?" She asked, taking a sip of her wine, handing me a beer.

„It was good, there wasn't much traffic, we-"

„You know what I mean." She interrupted me.

„Laurel, it's‚ hard enough to live through it, I don't have the need to talk about it and—„ I tried explaining.

„Connie, I'm sorry." She said, without context, I guess she didn't need any, we both knew what she was referring to.

„I was going to tell her after my exam." I confessed.

„Tell her what?" She asked, taking a sip of her wine, knowing damn well what I wanted to tell her. I guess she knew I needed it to be said out-loud.

„Tell her I need her." I looked down at my nervous fingers barely holding the beer. „Tell her I want her… I guess."

„You guess?"

„I'm sure."

„Then tell her." She said, confidently.

„It will only confuse her, she chose him Laurel, I saw them kissing." If it was anyone else but Laurel, I would leave this room by now. It was hard enough to keep this vivid memory in my head, but to share it with someone else— Laurel placed her hand on my shoulder and gave it a little squeeze.

„Do what feels right Connie, don't allow yourself to have those kinds of regrets, they can eat you up." And with one swift move she stood up and gave me a kiss on my forehead, much like my mom always used to do. She took her laptop and wine and walked upstairs to her room.

All of this was wrong. This was not how it should have gone. Everything was so messed up. She deserved to know how I feel. But Jere deserved to be happy too and I— I deserved —

I stood up and walked up to the guest room. I needed sleep, but I knew how this would end. As if I could sleep while Belly was a couple of steps away from me, angry at me… disappointed in me. I would do anything for her… except tell her that. How did things end up like this?

...

These couple of chapters have been so fun to write. Tell me what you think, how you like it. I'd love to hear your thoughts, you could also write me some suggestions. Hope you all have a beautiful day, wherever you are :)