BELLY

This was going to be a good day. This was going to work out. I woke up pretty early and walked downstairs to see Jeremiah sitting at the kitchen table, eating his cereal.

"Good morning," I whispered in a very low tone, careful not to wake anyone. He turned his head towards me and greeted me with a broad smile. Instantly, he stood up and took a few steps in my direction.

"Good morning, beautiful." he murmured, coming even closer and taking my hand in his. His touch was warm, a comforting contrast to my perpetual chilliness. With Jeremiah, I felt secure; he would safeguard my emotions.

"Did you sleep well?" I asked with a smile. He nodded, moving even closer. His breath grazed against me, sending shivers down my spine. Biting my lower lip, I looked up at him. He towered over me, and as he began to lower his head, I rose onto my tiptoes, yearning to be closer to him.

„Get a room." Steven cried out, walking in. What a baby.

„Grow up, Steven." I rolled my eyes and took a step back, away from Jere and dropped his hand.

"How was the ride?" Steven asked Jere, and behind him, Conrad walked in, glancing down at his feet before raising his gaze to offer a weak "Hi" to all of us. He appeared as though he hadn't slept in a while; I could tell from his puffy eyes, a condition that arises from either crying or lack of sleep. Being very familiar with our kitchen, he helped himself to breakfast and then headed outside, presumably to eat on the back porch.

He will come around. I'm sure he will come around. Conrad always comes around. Steven followed him outside with his plate of French toast. I could see the pain in Jere's eyes. Unlike Conrad, Jere wasn't one to hide his feelings. If I were to ask him right now what was wrong, he would discuss it openly, laying bare the complete truth. But I didn't want to hear that; I wasn't ready to face it.

My mom came back into the house, carrying two large bags. Jere and I helped her carry the rest of the bags inside.

„Jeez mom, how many people are eating with us today?" I joked. She looked confused.

„Just us. Have you seen how much these boys can eat?" She answered and we giggled.

„I heard Steven mention a party tonight. I think you should go too." She added.

„Yeah, I'll think about it." I answered.

I knew Jere would never say no to a party, even though it was one of the first nights we could spend together as a couple. But, I suppose I liked that about Jere, he was a social butterfly, everyone loved him. It was probably because he was so easy to read, he was nice to everyone and was always the life of the party. Everyone's eyes were on him, on my Jeremiah.

The boys were outside grilling the meat while my mom and I prepared the salads inside.

„So… You and Jeremiah." My mom tried sounding nonchalant. It didn't work, it wasn't subtle at all.

„Yeah." I nodded, it had a nice ring to it, my Jeremiah and me. The thought of that made me happy. He was always there for me, he was my best friend for years. I never saw him as a possibility, but it filled me with warmth and comfort.

„It kind of just happened." I said, but then thought about it and continued—

„No, actually It didn't, It's been a long time coming." I reassured myself. My mom nodded.

„That's good, he is a good boy." She gave me a heartwarming smile. She took the bowl of salad and carried it outside. I followed her.

Outside Jere was finishing up the meat and Steven and Conrad were talking in the back, setting up the table and the fairy-lights my mom wanted to have all around the back porch. I sneaked up to Jeremiah and gave him a quick, soft kiss on the cheek.

„Belly, I have to concentrate, I'll burn the stakes." Jere gave me one of his beautiful wide smiles, the one that could hypnotise you in a second and I took a step backwards.

I began walking backwards, still gazing at Jere, flirting with my eyes, being away in another universe where the two of us are alone, when in a blink of an eye I felt my feet slip and my whole bodyweight starting to fall on the ground. I knew I was going to fall, until a pair of very familiar hands wrapped around my back. I held tight onto the potato salad me and my mom made and clearly made not letting that slip my priority.

Conrad caught me in time, holding me firmly before I restored my balance, he pulled me upwards so I was back on my feet. For a split second, which felt like forever his face was right in front of mine. His hands held me steady, they were strong, but not so strong they didn't feel gentle on my back. He stepped away from me and his smell was out of my reach. He instantly looked away and walked back to Steven, who was watching the whole time.

I whispered a soft „Thank you" which he probably didn't even hear and walked up to the table where I helped place everything.

I didn't even dare to look at Jeremiah, he must have seen the whole scene, but ignored it like a gentleman. We all sat down at the table, Steven and Conrad being right at the opposite side of Jere and me and my mom, sitting at the top of the table.

The food was amazing, my mom made sure we had enough of everything. Just as we finished eating and chatting my mom said.

„Guys, I'm so thankful for all of you." She said humbly.

„Laur, thank you for doing this, thank you for keeping the house, there is no one in the world that could take better care of it, thank you." Jere said and my mom smiled, he always knew the right thing to say. Conrad took a deep breath. I didn't think he would say anything, that would be really out of character.

„I would also like to say thank you Laurel." Conrad said, took a look at her and continued.

„This house means so much, not just to us but to you as well." He said with his husky yet firm tone. He loved that place. I loved that place. I learned how to dance there, how to swim, to surf. I learned that life is so much more than the responsibilities that life entails. I learned how to appreciate the time there. It was the place I found heartbreak, but also the purest form of love. It was the place I laughed and cried. A place where my life shifted.

„I've experienced the most beautiful moment of my life there." He said and I knew what he was referring to. The time Conrad and I spent there alone that snowy day are memories that I will cherish in my heart forever. Remembering him holding me like I was the most precious thing in the world, kissing me like it was the last day on earth, whispering the most beautiful words known to mankind. It was gentle but raw, I was fully his and he was fully mine. I know he still remembers, I know he still thinks about the moments that we shared together. One does not forget the first time being touched like that, one does not go on with his life without holding onto being so vulnerable. There was no part of my body that Conrad Beck Fished didn't love and imprint on with a kiss. But, that was in the past. I was with Jere. Jeremiah was good and kind. He was a pure soul with a big heart. He would protect me from the world and I never had to worry if what he feels was true. He was honest and he was open to me, he didn't hide who he was or what he felt, I knew I was loved by him and I loved him. I really did, it was hard not to.

„The fondest memories of my life are there and I'm infinitely happy I get to revisit them." He just had to say infinitely, he just had to rub it in.

„That is so kind of you boys. Susannah wanted it to be a safe place for all of us. It was her wish to make it our special happy place, to lose it wouldn't feel right." I could see my mom feeling emotional once again.

„I just miss her so much." A single tear fell down her cheek, and I saw Jeremiah already crying, I held his hand even tighter now.

„She left us too soon, there was so much she needed to tell you, so much she wanted to experience, so much she wanted to teach you, all of you." She took a deep breath and continued.

„Before she died, she prepared a series of letters, for so many life events of yours. Today is one of those days." She reached out into her bag and pulled out four letters. Each one addressed to one of us. She handed it to us and said—
„Please, read it in peace. She wrote these letters for you to read when she—" she struggled, holding back the tears „when she was no longer there. I will share the rest of them with you when the time is right." She looked down. I always knew soulmates weren't some imaginary concept. I saw it first hand. Susannah and my mom loved each other. They were each others anchor. Nobody in this world knew the exact combination of words it took to make my mother feel alright no matter the situation. Only Susannah. Susannah knew what to say, what to do, what not to do. As hard as it was for the boys to lose their mother, it was just as hard for my mom to lose her true soulmate.

I took my letter and looked at the handwriting on the back, remembering the Christmas cards she used to send me. Life was unfair, but in a way… it was unfair to everyone, so I guess that makes it fair? Watching the boys touch the envelopes made my heart break all over again. It was an open wound, for both of them. They didn't deserve this. They didn't deserve this kind of heartache. I take back what I said about life ever being fair.

All of us moved from the table to the little outdoor fireplace in our backyard. Jere grabbed a blanket for the two of us and we sat there together, while Conrad and Steven both sat on one of the blankets. My mom came back with some deserts.

„I know you will probably all leave me to go to this summer party any minute now, but I just wanted to say how lovely it was to have all of you here." She said.

„We will still see each other on the 4th of July, at the beach house, right?" Jere asked and we all agreed. It was Susannah's favourite holiday, none of us wanted to be anywhere but there.

All of us sat the for a couple of minutes and enjoyed the fire. We ate our deserts and Jere gave me the last scoops of his ice-cream. Steven then said —

„I'm going to get ready for the party. Do we have a DD?" He asked looking at Conrad.

„C'mon guys, I was the designated driver the last time" He said with a little chuckle.

„I volunteer as tribute." I said, raising my hand, quoting the Hunger Games.

„You're too kind mi lady" Jere said, flashing his million dollar smile and kissing my forehead.

I wanted to get ready with Taylor, she always knew what top to wear with which lipgloss, she made the whole process easier. But she was going to meet us there, since the house the party was at was only a few houses away from hers. I wore a red crop top and black ripped jean shorts. I curled my hair a bit, something I didn't do often. I walked downstairs and Jere and Steven were waiting for me.

„Conrad is already in the car." Steven said.

„Take care of each other." My mom said.

„I'll get them all back home safe." Jere said back.

We all walked outside and I saw Conrad looking up and down at me. I didn't know how to feel about that, he used to do that quite often, watching over me, giving me his special Conrad looks. We all got into the car and drove to the party.

„I can't wait to see Taylor again." Steven said full of excitement, to which I had to giggle, the thought of them together was kind of sweet, but also really off. I think they had two completely different views of a relationship, hopefully they will be able to find the middle.

As we approached the house, the music got louder. Conrad was a really good driver, he parked the car and we all walked up to the house. Jeremiah had his hands around my shoulders and he pulled me closer, which was kind of nice, considering it got quite cold at night.

The amount of people that could fit into such a small place was astonishing. They were all dancing and drinking. I could say I knew quite a few of them, mostly from school. Steven was already gone; he had found some people from his senior class and took Conrad with him to do some shots with the group. I quickly spotted Taylor in the crowd and walked towards her, with Jeremiah still holding me close.

„Jellyfish for the win!" She yelled out, making everyone aware of her presence. I hugged her tight, I really missed her. I don't think I needed her opinion on the whole thing as she made it pretty clear on whose side she was on, what side most people were on.

We talked for a bit and it didn't take Jeremiah long to make new friends, I guess that was the way he was. He walked over to a group of guys I knew from school, some of which I shared classes with and challenged them for a round of beer-pong.

Taylor and I made out way through the crowd and as soon as she saw Steven she left to give him a big embrace and drag him to the dance floor. Seeing them made me happy, it was a reflection of both of their feelings.

I sat down at the couch in the living room after talking to some girls form my class. I was contemplating about walking back to Jere and asking him to dance, but I didn't want to be a bother. I just watched the people dancing and drinking. I stood up to go grab myself a drink when a familiar voice echoed a couple of steps away from me.

„Virgin Mojito, or at least the best version of it I could find." Conrad's voice was so familiar to me.

„Thank you." I sat back down and took the drink, taking my first sip, pleased with how he mixed it up for me. Then I continued—

„You said you wanted to talk to me." I said to him, recalling his text message from yesterday.

„Can we go outside for a bit?" He asked. I nodded and stood up, making my way outside, pass the pool, to an outside porch. There was no one there; we could speak freely and no one would listen.

„Conrad, I—"

„Belly please let me say this one thing." He interrupted me, and I listened. It was a good thing we let each other cool off after what happened at Brown. I didn't like the way we talked to each other when we were mad, we do it every time and every time we hurt each other.

„Let me say this one thing, and I'll will let this thing go." He said, looking at the floor. Was this it? Was this the moment that Conrad will set me free? Is this the moment we're closing this chapter forever?

„I know I did things that did you wrong, I'm not naive." He took a deep breath and then continued.

„And I know I'm not good for you, I don't — I don't speak out what I feel. I can't give you the clarity Jere can." He mumbled, but I didn't interrupt him, he needed to say it.

„Belly, a part of me will always want you." He said it steady, with confidence. Absolutely sure of it.

„I will always want you and nothing that you or anyone would ever do could change that. Every part of me wants you and my heart hurts when you are not around me." He looked down, tears forming in his eyes. I couldn't believe what he was saying. His tone was confident and firm, he took deep breaths between the words to calm his voice, but he wanted the message to be very clear.

„I'm done with hiding what was so obvious to everyone. You are the only girl that was ever right for me, that I ever had these kinds of feelings for. I was sure that no one else could protect you better than I do, love you better than I do…" He wiped a tear away.

„But I was wrong. I want you Isabel, I can't imagine a life without you, but Jere is what you need. You need someone who is present, who is there, who tries harder, someone who doesn't give up." He took my hand, his hand was cold, just like I remembered it was the night next to the fireplace, it still had the same effect on me.

„I know my feelings for you are real and I know nothing and nobody can deny them or belittle them, but you will be better off with him." He took a deep breath, meeting my tear-filled gaze.

„Belly I need you to know one more thing." He kissed my hand and then he continued.

„Doing this, letting you go… is the hardest thing I ever did. Jere deserves you more, he is the right choice." By now, we were both crying. He was still holding my hand and I was so thankful we were out of sight from anyone else from the party. It felt like we were breaking up all over again, which we were… Except we weren't even together. I can't leave things like this.

„Why didn't you fight for us? Wasn't I worth it?" I questioned, my voice trembling.

„You are the only thing that is worth the world to me Isabel, but this isn't who I am. I can't give you what he can." He looked away and bit his lip. He took a deep breath, collecting himself and then he continued.

„I will always look out for you, Belly." He said and let go of my hand to whipe a tear away from my cheek, so gently.

Was this real? Wasn't this supposed to be the part I feel this weight being lifted off my shoulders?

This wasn't the place to cry, but all I could do right now was look at him, at his soft brown hair, dancing with the breeze. He stood up and played with my hair.

„Do you know you have the most beautiful hair, Belly?" He asked, and I knew he didn't expect an answer. He stood up and gave me a weak smile. I stood up as well and underestimated how close we were sitting to each other. Being only a few inches away from each other he looked down at me and whispered:

„Loving you Belly, was the only truth I've ever known." He whispered and turned around, heading back to the party.

Loving Conrad Fisher was the realest feeling that existed for me for the longest time. It was beautiful and clear, feeling him touch me felt natural, as if he was an extension of my own body, as if it was always meant to be this way. However, everything Conrad ever said was unstable. Everything he said to me could be taken away. He left me before, he could do it again. I don't think I could ever recover from Conrad leaving me at prom. That wound was open and every time I would see him, it was like putting salt right into that open wound. I know I loved him, otherwise, non of this would hurt this much. He knew the right words, he knew me for who I was. But that was not what I truly needed. I needed someone mature. Someone who was upfront and someone who I would never question myself with. Loving Jeremiah was real, it was the realest thing I ever felt. There was a future for us, I'm leaving Conrad in the past.

...

A/N: Who's excited for more chapters? How did you like it so far?