Added another short chapter, trying not to rush through this too much as eating disorders are definitely not "fixed" instantly. Trying to work out a way of writing In Tracys confession too as I can't leave Carla with a that guilt. Anyway, I hope you're still enjoying this story. If you have any suggestions then please PM me :)
Nick fought tears outside the bathroom, his forehead resting against the wood and his fingers stroking the flat surface. The shower was running, and the tap, but the water couldn't completely hide the sound of Carla throwing up.
"Carla, open the door!" Nick demanded when he couldn't hear anymore retching, but since nothing happened he quickly changed back to pleading. "Carla, please… Just open the door. Please, Carla, let me in."
Still nothing happened and after a couple of minutes, each feeling like an eternity. Nick kicked the door, hard
Once
Twice
The images of what waited on the other side scared him.
It was hard to say if the reality that met him was actually worse than what he had feared or not, because the fact that it was reality made it the most terrifying thing ever. The entire room was filled with steam from the shower and a lingering smell of sick. Carla sat on the floor opposite the toilet, curled up like a ball, her forehead against her knees, her body trembling. Standing at the door, Nick couldn't say if the trembles were from crying or from the strain of vomiting.
"You said you were leaving" Carla spat out
"I know. I'm sorry" Nick mumbled. Part of him wishing he had left
"But then I remembered, I told you I would always be here" He sighed walking towards the bath and turning the shower off. Reaching out a hand for Carla to take.
A peace offering
"Get me out of here" She choked out. Taking his hand, allowing Nick to lead her to the bedroom, pulling out clean clothes from her wardrobe
"You should of never come back through that door" Carla adds sadly, looking at her feet, the floor. Anything but at his eyes
You think I'm going to leave,' Nick says, the horrendous realisation dawning embarrassingly quickly now. '
You've never had a relationship of any kind where you've wanted to let someone care about you before. But then I came along. And now, part of you wants to let yourself care. But every single "partner" you've ever had in your life has used you, or hurt you. They left you when it was convenient and you've been let down. You think I'm going to do the same, despite all the times I've told you that I'm not.'
"I'm not Peter, or Fra..." Nick stops himself
"Frank" Carla shuts her eyes at his name "You can say it, I won't break apart front of you"
"I know... But sometimes, the thought of what he did, how much he hurt you. It tears me up inside" Nick admits
"Nick" Carla breathes, quickly wrapping her arms around his waist, comforting both herself and him
"You're wring by the way" She mumbles into his chest
"Wrong? "
"I know you're not going to do the same. I can see how much you care... How much you.. Love me. And that's what scares me, because you're the last person I ever want to hurt... "
"Carla, I would take whatever life throws at me, just to stand by your side" Carla squeezed Nicks hand, tears threatening to so spill from her blood shot eyes
"I think we both could do with a coffee" Nick sighed
"I'll be right with you, just need to change.. "
Nick nodded sadly and made his way to the kitchen, he was starting to despise this room, but not as much as he hated the bathroom, where he could currently hear his girlfriend
"I hate what you're doing," Nick said as Carla appeared in front of him "I would do anything for you not to do that again."
"I know," Carla whispered, her breath smelling minty of mouthwash. "I'm sorry."
"I know "
"I hate this as much as you do" She admitted
"I wish you could see yourself as I see you " Nick sighed
"I know" She repeated his earlier answer
"I have an eating disorder," She whispered, the last two words barely making it out.
Something fluttered in Nick's chest "I know, and that's all right."
Carla shook her head.
Nick held her closer, rocking them slowly back and forth. Nick was completely calm. It felt like he shouldn't be, it felt like he should be terrified about what would come, but he wasn't. Not now, at least. Right now, With Carla held tightly in his arms he felt strangely hopeful, because whatever came now would be new.
After a long time in silence, Nick kissed Carla's hair and whispered: "You're the strongest, bravest person I know."