Chapter 2: I'm Not a Monster

Even in his wildest dreams Cloud did not suspect that his little celebration party would end in Sephiroth's private quarters.

The General was the one to invite them, his argumentation simple and logical. It was late and they would have problems with passing through the security at their floor, which could result with even worse troubles later. Sephiroth explained that he did not intend to punish his subordinates for the party he himself had participated in. But the next part of his plan – smuggling them to his room through the secret passage, of which even the President himself did not know – sounded really crazy.

Yet they did it. They sneaked inside through an abandoned underground tunnel, like in some silly ghost story from childhood. Cloud was excited like a little boy, when they finally reached their destination.

He had never been in the Shin-Ra's laboratory at night and hoped to never visit such place again. It was cold and scary even during the day, but now, when only Sephiroth's eyes were glowing in the darkness… 'Creepy' would be the best word to describe it.

"Easy, no monsters in here." Sephiroth chuckled, inviting them to a small room in the back. It was a modest but cozy place, which smelled like books and green tea, with no window, carpet or couch. Only a small bed, wardrobe and corner for reading were enough for the star of SOLDIER to feel comfortable, it seemed.

The only purpose of a lamp on the desk right now was to give light to a miniature tree. It was a tiny but stunningly beautiful plant, with three creamy-white flowers on its highest branches.

"Oh! Lady Persimmon is in bloom again?" Zack looked pleased by this discovery, like it was his personal success. "I see you take good care of her."

"Ah, she's in good hands." Sephiroth's voice was gentle when he looked at the tree. He noticed Cloud's astonished expression and explained with a smile: "Don't look at me like that, Zack named her."

"I wanted to name her 'Princess Lucy', but you didn't like it." Zack crossed his arms, slightly offended, even though it must have happened some time ago.

"He brought this bonsai from Wutai," Sephiroth continued, turning a blind eye to Zack's complaints. "I… don't really want to know, how he made it through the security, but I'm grateful he did."

A proud, wide grin on Zack's face was the ultimate proof that his heroic sacrifices to smuggle the tree in here were worth the effort.

"Security?" That was something new for Cloud. "So SOLDIERs are not allowed to bring anything from their missions?"

"Of course we can. But Sephy…" Zack winced, unable to find the right words. "You know…"

"I'm not allowed to go to Wutai ever again," Sephiroth explained, shrugging like it was nothing, but Cloud could sense bitterness in his voice. "Every delivery from there is either confiscated or checked and censored." He looked at Wutaian books – was it a copy of 'Loveless' on the top? - piled up on his night table, an antique cup and two figurines near the bonsai tree. "I'm glad I have some really good friends, who know how much I enjoy their little gifts."

"I don't get it, honestly." Cloud shook his head. "Aren't you the hero who ended the war?"

"I did end it. But not in the way Shin-Ra wanted." Sephiroth sighed, abandoning the topic. "This is not the best time for stories. You should rest, if you want to survive the training tomorrow in one piece. This bed may be not very comfortable for the two, but still better than in standard barracks, I suppose. Or one of you can sleep on the lab table."

"No, thanks," Zack protested vigorously. "And where are you going?"

"To sleep on the floor, like a dog you called me."

"Sephy!"

"Just kidding. Sleep well, you two."

Right after saying that, Sephiroth disappeared from their sight, leaving Cloud with tons of doubts and unanswered questions.

"I didn't expect that the great Sephiroth lives in an abandoned laboratory," Cloud whispered, not sure where to start.

"It was the workplace of Doctor Crescent." The way Zack said the name made Cloud think that he should know it. Sadly, he didn't, so Zack explained with a sigh: "Sephy's mother. She disappeared… some time ago. Professor Hojo took over her labs and duties, including Sephy's medical care, but even he wasn't crazy enough to invade his personal space."

"Oh." It made more sense for Cloud now. He looked around and frowned, noticing even more odd details than before. Maybe Professor didn't dare change anything in the old laboratory, but he installed heavy titanium doors here. Highly suspicious, wasn't it? "And what about Wutai?"

"Spiiikyyyy, don't press on me, it's classified." Zack rubbed his forehead, sighing heavily. "Look, I really don't know what had happened in Wutai, but there was a huge scandal, when Sephiroth returned. As far as I know, Shin-Ra accused him of treason, there was a court-martial and such, but he was famous already and they decided to make him an idol instead. It was better for PR reasons, they did not want to sentence their poster boy to death."

"Is he really a traitor?"

"Nah…" Zack did not hesitate even for a second. "Believe me, Spiky, Sephiroth is a kind of person who would jump into a Mako reactor to save his men. I trust him - and Angeal - with my life." He looked more serious than ever while saying it. "On my honor as a SOLDIER I swear to you that he's a good guy."

Cloud couldn't hold a small smile at this eager declaration. But some other things about this whole situation kept bothering him. What was really going on here, in Shin-Ra in general?

"Well, the truth is" - Zack continued after a moment of silence - "that I wanted you two to meet not only to make you happy, Spiky. With Doctor Crescent gone, Angeal and Genesis on the mission and me working with new cadets, Sephy... I've just thought he needs a pupil and you need a mentor." He shrugged. "I can already tell that you like each other, so another mission accomplished, I guess?"

"Are you sure you've chosen the right profession, Zack?" Cloud chuckled, shaking his head. "You should be a matchmaker, not a SOLDIER."

"Well, they would pay me better, for sure!"

Wutai, 8 years ago

When a commanding officer orders you to wait, you sit and wait. When he orders you to sleep, you don't ask, just fall asleep immediately. No one knows when you will have another chance to rest.

Sephiroth waited. He was sitting on the floor in the temple's vestibule, trying to meditate.

It had been about a week of his captivity, so he already got used to the customs and rules of this place. He could walk freely through the temple grounds, talk to anyone he wanted to (he was a fast learner, so language wasn't a big problem), spend his time as he saw fit. They even let him train with a wooden sword, together with the Holy Guardians, and Sephiroth loved this new, fascinating daily routine.

He wore Wutaian clothes (priestesses were suspiciously happy about it and tried to take care of his hair), ate delicious Wutaian food (he would never suspect that eating anything not sweet could be so pleasurable), learned Wutaian swordsmanship, listened to Wutaian stories… He came here to war, but it turned into the vacation of his dreams. And he felt guilty for enjoying it, while Mom stayed in Midgar and his comrades were dying on the battlefield.

Sephiroth sighed. Not that he could do anything about it. It was the same in Shin-Ra – they all pretended that he was not a prisoner, but some mysterious 'circumstances' made leaving the place impossible. The nature itself, mountains and heavy local winds, kept him locked here.

Still better than lies, threats and keeping Mom hostage.

He barely remembered the way into the mist-covered mountains. He must have fallen asleep halfway and woke up already at their destination. Healed and well rested, just like Izayoi had promised.

And what a curious, knowledgeable woman she turned out to be! They talked much during last few days. Sephiroth still had more questions, but now the priestess was busy with a very important guest.

The boy knew this man from the training before his departure to Wutai – it was Godo Kisaragi, one of the major targets, ranked KOS as far as Sephiroth remembered. In Shin-Ra he was considered the enemy's leader, but now, seeing him together with the priestess, the boy had no doubts which of the two was more important.

Sephiroth also tried hard to pretend that he couldn't hear their conversation, but the man was too upset to speak normally.

"Izayoi-sama, you cannot be serious!" Godo's unusually long eyebrows moved violently, like two autonomic organisms, when he yelled: "Do you know how many good soldiers were killed by this monster?!"

"Keep your voice down, Kisaragi-san, you're on the sacred grounds."

"Izayoi-sama, the sole presence of this… abomination is enough to defile this place! He should be executed immediately for his crimes against our people."

"I didn't know that you've fallen so low to execute children, Kisaragi-san."

"It's not a child but a damn killing machine!"

"All living creatures are children of the Goddess and deserve respect, this boy is not an exception."

Sephiroth had enough already and cursed his own sharp senses. He did not want to hear it, did not want to… feel like this.

"I'm not a monster," he muttered, as if trying to convince himself about it. "I'm a soldier, not a murderer."

But, honestly, was there any difference?

Maybe Godo was right and Sephiroth shouldn't be allowed to stay here, in a place where all life was precious? It meant no using living creatures in any way against their will. No eating them, too. In short: NO KILLING.

The boy sighed helplessly, trying to resume his meditational practices. Unfortunately, it was useless, at least as long as mister Kisaragi continued his verbal rampage in the background.

Sephiroth looked around. Usually at this hour many pilgrims visited the vestibule, but they must have been warned about the important meeting today. Weapons or soldiers other than the Holy Guardians were not allowed inside, so it was the best place to ensure the safety of the secular leader of Wutai.

And his family, because he did not come here alone.

Kisaragi's wife was talking with an old man, who was selling hand-made wooden figurines of Leviathan near the entrance. They were discussing some barely visible details on the sculptures and their meaning in Wutaian culture. Sephiroth found their conversation interesting, but Kisaragi's child was visibly bored. No surprise, considering the age of the little girl – that awful moment, when a young human being can't yet speak more than few short words, but has just learned how to run, and focuses all its energy on this activity.

Sephiroth watched the girl sneaking out of her mother's grip and running around like a wild animal, attracted to everything shiny. He wondered, if he, too, had acted like that as a child. If so, it must have been terrible for the scientists in the laboratory full of expensive things, so easy to be broken…

Observing the tiny creature was surprisingly amusing, at least until the girl spotted Sephiroth. She came close enough to touch him and tilted her head, captivated by the green light in his eyes.

The girl stared. Sephiroth stared back. They kept the status quo for a while, both completely absorbed in the situation.

Then the little girl reached out to Sephiroth and placed her small finger on his nose.

"For Goddess' sake, Yuffie, stand back!"

Sephiroth ignored Godo's screams and pretended to not notice his desperate try to draw the sword that was not in the sheath. He was too focused on the finger that had touched him so shamelessly, so innocently. Sephiroth slowly raised his hand…

The girl's father was about to attack even without a weapon, but Izayoi stopped him somehow, probably using the divine authority of her Goddess.

"Wait, Kisaragi-san. Trust me. Just watch them."

Sephiroth gently touched Yuffie's nose with his finger, mirroring her behavior. They both froze in this strange position for a moment. The little girl laughed at loud, delighted by the new game. It could have been a beginning of their friendship, but the girl's mother intervened at last.

"Are you hurt, Yuffie?" She grabbed the child and ran away from Sephiroth, who did not move even an inch from his position under the wall. "Do not come near this monster ever again!"

The boy slightly tilted his head, hiding his face under the strains of silver hair. Izayoi noticed his fists, clenched in frustration. He pretended to not care, but the priestess knew what exactly he had whispered under his breath:

"I'm not a monster."

Shin-Ra Laboratories, 8 years ago

"Damn you, Hojo," Lucrecia hissed angrily through her teeth, analyzing the results of last scannings of Jenova cells.

She was well aware of her own mental instability, but did not expect that Hojo had chosen her for the Project S especially because of that. She had just discovered that activity of the cells could rise drastically, when the test subject suffered from anxiety or other kinds of psychological imbalance.

"Damn you, Hojo," she repeated, suppressing the urge to destroy... something, anything at hand. Professor probably wanted Sephiroth to slowly go mad, then observe Jenova in full power, after the mind of her host would be completely shattered.

For Lucrecia simply observing things was not enough to be called 'science'. Every discovery must serve humanity, she believed. Every power could be mastered and used properly. Observation for the sake of gathering knowledge leads nowhere, if you don't use this knowledge.

That's why her son needed to be strong - to overcome 'his' instincts. To stay calm, never doubt in his own strength or worth. He would be one to use Jenova's power within him, not the other way around.

To ensure such outcome, Lucrecia had to keep the boy away from Hojo at all costs. She needed to tread carefully, though. Her deal with President Shinra could be easily broken. One mistake was enough to place the boy under Hojo's 'supervision'.

"Never. I won't allow it."

Hojo's maniacal laughter from that horrible night still ringed in her ears. Her feelings – shock, disbelief, deep sense of loss and pure despair – were only magnified by this terrifying sound.

From that moment Lucrecia knew she couldn't let her child fall into this lunatic's hands. But how could she oppose her superior? How to break free from his influence? – she had wondered back then. He was one of the most important persons in charge in the entire company, his word was final in this matter. The child was a part of a major and expensive experiment, a property of Hojo's department…

There was only one thing she could do without risking her own, already limited freedom and safety. The final decission belonged to someone else. Lucrecia needed to reach to the top.

So she did, desperately taking this last chance. Lucrecia remembered the moment, when she was standing face to face with President Shinra in his office, waiting for the most important answer in her life.

…

Silence was too heavy and too long, in her opinion. She could barely stand still under this man's piercing gaze. Of course she was afraid. Of course she was hesitant. But not taking any action at this moment was like throwing away her last reason to live. Or like letting Hojo finally break her.

"Doctor Crescent, would you explain what can you possibly achieve with the specimen that Professor Hojo can't?"

It was a simple question of a person, who values only power and money, Lucrecia thought. In fact, President had just asked what he could gain from this transaction. If the offer is tempting enough...

"Professor Hojo does not know everything. He has a peculiar tendency to manipulate the results, change them to his own liking, knowing no restraints or loyalty…"

"Just like many others, I suppose? I did not ask about Hojo, Doctor Crescent. I've never expected loyalty from him, I want results. He promised to give me a Cetra and I will get one sooner or later, that's all."

"This child is much more than a Cetra!" Lucrecia had no more reasons to hesitate; her emotions overflowing all of a sudden. "Hojo has no idea about it."

"Oh?" President Shinra raised an eyebrow, more amused than annoyed... for now. "How come? Are you saying that Professor has already lost control over his own creation? That's some serious insinuation..."

"Not 'his' creation." Lucrecia shook her head in a quiet protest. "Hojo did nothing more than performing the surgery. I don't need to add that the specimen is a part of my body, as well as enhanced cells, do I? I know things about this project Professor Hojo would never be able to grasp."

As if to prove the point of this passionate declaration, Lucrecia's usually calm eyes were burning with some inhuman, wild light. President Shinra seemed genuinely surprised by this display of stubbornness. His fingers tapped a strange rhythm on the table before he spoke again.

"Still, to remove Hojo completely from the project…"

"I will share all the data with Professor, so his other works won't be affected by this change. I can cooperate with Professor Hollander as well." Lucrecia took a deep breath, knowing that she had done everything she could. But the final decision belonged to this man alone. "All I need is a small team far from Hojo's influence. Considering possible results, there's actually no cost for the Company. And if the project fails, I will take full responsibility."

There was nothing more to add and a heavy, tense silence filled the room. A wheeze and creak, when President Shinra finally stood up from his chair, ringed in Lucrecia's head louder than a thunder.

"Of course you will, Doctor Crescent. Of course you will."

…

So she ended up here, in her own laboratory, as a head of her own little department, and mother of her precious specimen… or that's how people used to desctibe the situation. Lucrecia never thought of Sephiroth like this. Not even once.

Or maybe she was lying to herself? Maybe she did not love him at all, only wanted to succeed as a scientist? Or to find an excuse to prolong her own worthless existence?

Are these my own thoughts or...?

Lucrecia sighed, feeling mentally exhausted. If not for her son, she would probably give up long ago. They would try to turn him into a monster, but there was nothing evil or sinister about him. Just a normal child with some additional genes.

A child bathed in Mako for Shin-Ra's gain. A child sent to war for Shin-Ra's gain. A child who lived only for Shin-Ra's gain.

And Lucrecia had agreed to that, long ago. Now she could do nothing about it, only try to protect him from even worse fate. She couldn't save him. She couldn't save THEM.

I'm sorry, Vincent. I'm sorry, Sephiroth.

She took a deep breath and returned to work. Sitting here and worrying would not help anyone, especially Sephiroth, who had his own problems in Wutai right now. Strange she didn't get any report from the Turks for the last few days, though…

Lucrecia decided to resume the project Professor Gast had started before leaving Shin-Ra for good. She smiled to herself, remembering the first rule of microbiology, the rule Hojo ignored on purpose: when you start to replicate cells, first, for your own safety, you must learn how to kill them.

To be one step ahead of Hojo, to ruin his vicious plot, she had to find the weak points of Jenova.