A/N: Hey guys! SteinMon here with another literary experiment. I have way too many idea roaming around in my head, so I thought I'd ease the burden with some Samples.

That being read, I welcome your Reviews. If you have criticisms, I welcome those too. Please keep them constructive. I want to grow as an author, and I can't do that if people aren't willing to critique, or only want to tear me down. I'm not here to please everybody, but I am here to learn. There is a method to my madness, even if I don't always fully understand it. 90% of what I write, I don't write baselessly. If there is something not canon or changed from canon, there is generally a reason. If something doesn't make sense, feel free to let me know (constructively), and as long as it doesn't creep into SPOILER! territory, I'll do my best to explain it.

WARNING: This is rated M for a reason. In keeping with the spirit of Helluva Boss, there will be copious amounts of Murder, Brutal Violence, Senseless Violence, Child Violence, Gender-Equal Violence, Accidental Violence, Drugs, Hard Drugs, Soft Drugs, Prescription Drugs, All-Natural Drugs, "All Natural" Drugs, Alcohol, Blood, Gore, Visceral, Dissection, the occasional slow-crunch of Bones, and Cannibals contributing to the "slow-crunch", Language, Offensive Language, non-Politically Correct Language, possibly butchered attempts at Foreign Language, Horny Demons, Hornier Humans, even Hornier Furries, and any number of things the average law-abiding citizen might consider "distasteful", but that I find hilarious because laughter is easier than being angry at people or the world all the time.

This story is not for people who are easily offended, are offended on other people's behalf when they really don't give a shit, squeamish around violence, think sex is naughty, or think jokes are like dicks and take them way too hard. You know the drill.

If you don't like it, DON'T READ IT!

This is for Adults, or for any of you below the age of 18 who are so desensitized to this stuff because your parents never cared about your mental sanctity (Wow! Already getting in the spirit of things and insulting people! Nice!). All the same, Reader Discretion is Advised. (God I love this pre-story warning!)

But! Because this is my first "real" attempt at such mature content, don't expect me to dive head-first into 'X-rated' stuff. Or even dabble. No dabbling. That's not the vibe I got from Helluva Boss. That, and my mother would burn me at the stake if I did. Love you Mom!

Review Responses:

- "Guest" 1: Ooof-duh! Easy there. Let a guy develop some of his character first.

- "Guest" 2: Here's that update.

- "Guest" 3: Oh cool! What did you like about Snow? And why would there be a dick-measuring contest?

*End of Responses

Disclaimer: I don't own Helluva Boss, Hazbin Hotel, or any of its subsidiaries. Those rights belong exclusively to Vivziepop, and anyone else who had a hand in it's creation. I just get to enjoy it for all it's worth.

Without further ado. *Que the dimming of the lights*

Chapter 1: Let's Make a Deal

Later that Evening

Snow had had his fill of shit days, but this one damn near took the shit-cake and ran with it. Almost. He'd seen worse. Fuck, he'd lived worse.

"So what are we gonna do with him?" Blitz demanded back in the office as they all stood around the brat, Eddie.

The little Sinner was still tied up in the chair, sniffling as he cried silently to himself, save for the occasional hiccup. The ugly bawling had ended hours ago. And he was staying tied up! Especially after he'd bitten Moxxie for trying to untie him.

Here's to hoping it wasn't infected.

Snow almost felt bad for him. 'Almost'. When people made their bed, it was best to let them lie in it. He'd been there before: alone, afraid, lost, powerless, helpless, with no plausible direction to go, and no one to turn to for comfort or guidance. It was a rough place to be.

The difference was, he hadn't done anything to illicit the cards he'd drawn for this life, and this kid hadn't been relentlessly hunted like an animal. And unlike him, this kid had demons around him who held the barest inkling of giving a shit. Barely. Even if that shit was squeezed from a place of pity.

A real, dark place. Barely even turtling.

"You know, I feel kinda bad," Moxxie stated, rubbing the back of his neck with his good hand, the other one bandaged up from where the kid had bit him.

"Oh, of course you'd feel sorry for the little rat that nearly took your hand off," Blitz bit out. "Now shut the fuck up, Moxxie!"

"Well, it is kind of our fault," Millie pointed out. "We did kill 'im."

"We were hired to do a job, okay? If anything, it's his fucking fault for pissing off someone down here enough for them to hire us to do the deed! We're a business, we don't do this shit for fun!"

All three of his employees raised their eyebrows at him, while Loona sat nearby, only looking up from her phone for a moment to look at her adoptive sort-of-not-really father pointedly.

"I wanna go home," Eddie sniffed, looking down at the ground. "I want my mom."

Blitz made an inhaling click with his tongue. "Well, shucks kid, if we could all get what we want, I wouldn't be bending over at the hip to keep this business afloat."

"Literally," Snow commented under his breath. He almost chuckled when he noticed Loona's ear flick up and her lip twitch.

"Is that before or after you spend our paychecks?"

"God damn it, not this again, Moxxie."

"Anyone know of a place we can put him up? It's not like we can send him to another Ring," Snow asked, pinching the bridge of his nose. They'd been at this for a couple hours, and it was getting dark. Aaand he still didn't have a place to go. Fuck! Looks like he was sleeping on the roof. It was better than nothing at least. Maybe he could use that Maintenance Office in the basement? He could always wash out the blood tomorrow. With vinegar. Lots and lots of vinegar.

"Do they have orphanages somewhere?" Moxxie asked curiously.

"For Sinners?" Millie asked, crossing her arms in thought. "Are Sinners even capable of aging?"

"Don't know," Moxxie shrugged. "Haven't seen any kid Sinners before, so… it's possible?"

"NO!" They all stopped and looked at Loona in surprise as she snarled out her answer. "No orphanages! Okay?! Those places will tear him apart and use his mincemeat for their fucking protein shakes! And because he's a Sinner, he'll just keep coming back for them to use again! I don't care if this kids an asshat that deserves Hell! No! Orphanages!"

"I – hic – don't wanna – hic – be mincemeat," Eddie sobbed.

"What did we say about 'wants' kid?" Blitz lightly reprimanded but still nodded in agreement with Loona.

"Fuck," Snow simplified. That was a pin on a grenade he wasn't even about to attempt to pull. This was only his first day on the job. Give it a month or so before risking life and limb.

"Well…," Millie started, looking deep in thought. Her and Moxxie shared a look for a moment that seemed to spark a silent conversation between them. It was moments of staring at each other later that they seemed to come to an agreement on something. "…What if Moxxie and I take him in? Temporarily of course, until we can find something more convenient."

"You what?" Blitz asked.

"Say what?" Loona asked.

"Uh?" Snow coughed out.

"Well… our apartment is small, but we have some spare cots," Moxxie explained, riding whatever wavelength Millie was on. Honestly, Snow found it a little creepy. Sweet! Possibly cute. But creepy. "And, well, you can never have too much practice with kids, right?" He rubbed the back of his head nervously. "I mean… you know… for… someday. Maybe?"

"Aw! Sweetie!" Millie cooed, pulling him in for kiss.

"Oh God, I think I just hurled in my mouth," Loona groaned.

Snow watched the little gremlin the entire time. He looked like a wounded puppy. Granted, a half-reptilian, mouth-of-shit, recently eviscerated puppy. He didn't like thinking like this but… Hell might be good for him. And of those in this little circus troupe of a company, Millie and Moxxie might be the most… stable of their current temporary options.

"Anyone opposed?" Snow asked, looking around at the rest of them.

"Now wait just a minute!" Blitz protested. "We are not responsible for this kid. And what about our job?! I can't have two of my employees preoccupied with a brat all the time when there are heads that need to roll! And besides…." He whipped up a whole cooler of assorted alcoholic beverages. "…I thought we'd celebrate the new guy joining."

"Getting trashed! Fuck yeah!" Loona hooted.

"As fun as that sounds…," Moxxie started nervously.

"…Best we deal with a little one with clear heads," Millie finished confidently.

"Finally, some demons with common sense," Snow sighed in relief.

"Can't you take me home?" Eddie asked with snot running freely down his nose. "You guys have that portal thing, right?"

"Kid, even if we could send you back to Earth – which we can't, because the irrefutable laws of this place aside – they'd have you locked in a cage, strapped to a bed, inject you with untold foreign substances, stuff God-knows-what in every hole you have, and probably slice and dice every ounce of you until they figure out what you are," Blitz stated simply. "Trust me, we're doing you a huge favor keeping you locked up in Hell."

Tears began to refill the kid's eyes, as he choked back fresh waves of snot and drool.

"Blitz!" Millie reprimanded.

"What?! I'm just being honest with him," Blitz countered.

"With all due respect, sir, there's 'honesty' and then there's 'tact'," Moxxie corrected before he looked to his wife. "We'll have to bring him to work for the time being until something more long term can be worked out for him."

"Just so you dumbasses know, I am not baby-sitting," Loona stated, giving them a pointed glare over her phone.

"Way to spew the bright side there," Snow grumbled, before he spun the chair around to face him, planting his hands on the arms of the chair as he looked the kid directly in the eye, causing him to start crying for a different reason and commence cowering in his seat. "Alright, Shrimp. Listen up. Because I'm only gonna say this once.

"Millie and Moxxie here are offering to take care of you. You be nice to them. You treat them with respect. You give them 'Please'es and 'Thank You's. You say 'Yes ma'am', 'No ma'am', 'Yes sir', 'No sir', 'I done used the last of the toilet paper'. You eat the food they give you and don't complain. You drink the fluids they give you and don't complain. What those two say, goes. Get creative if you get bored, as long as it follows the aforementioned mentions I just covered.

"You trash talk them at all like you did this morning, we'll see how many new shit-hole's I can tear you before breakfast.

"Am. I. Clear?! There will be no more warnings," His eyes glowed and teeth sharpened for emphasis, causing the kid to shake so hard, the chair vibrating up his arms. He was pretty sure his point was made.

"God, that is hot," Blitz breathed.

"Down boy," Loona stated with an eyeroll.

"Isn't that a little much?" Moxxie questioned, only to receive a hand for silence from Snow.

Snow's gaze softened as he smiled, kneeling so he was more eyelevel with the little shit. Because like it or not, this kid had the chance to turn his shit around. "Your in Hell now, and there's no going back. You can either grow from it or be a bitter little shit about it. That's ultimately up to you. But how you act now reflects on you, and you alone. There will be no one to save you if you pull any shit. So be nice to Millie and Moxxie. Get stronger if you can. Learn how to operate here, and pick up a skill or two to survive.

"And in a few years, if you still feel raw about me killing you, I'll be waiting. Deal?"

Eddie eyes were wide, but he sniffed, nodding slowly.

"Good."

SHINK!

A claw flashed as it cleanly sliced through the ropes that bound the kid. Eddie looked down at his lack of restraints before looking back at the human-shaped creature that had killed him. Almost hesitant, he continued to eye the pale demon. When no attack or further threat came, he bolted for it, quickly hiding behind the two imps who'd offered to shelter him. He peered out from behind Moxxie's shoulder, full trembling while watching Snow intently for any deceit.

Snow just raised an eyebrow with smirk.

"There, there," Moxxie said with a soft smile his wife was sharing with him, patting the little gremlin on the head that barely came up to his shoulder.

"Come on," Millie stated, ushering the boys out the door. "Let's go get you settled for the night."

"Oh, and before you go…." They all stopped to watch as Snow pulled out a familiar blue cap. He threw it like a frisbee, watching it as it nestled onto the kid's head, that ugly little gremlin blinking back his confusion as he pulled the only memory he had of Earth from his head. "…don't lose that. Old memories don't grow on trees."

SNNNNNNNNNNN!

His eyes began to tear up again, this time for a different reason as he nodded heavily, sucking back a nasty loogy that was threatening to dribble from his nose.

"Oh Satan! Gross!" Blitz sniveled. "Now get him outta here before I have to make the new guy clean up that shit!"

"I didn't sign up for janitorial work, boss," Snow shot back.

"Hey!" Moxxie and Millie turned around long enough for Millie to fumble with a rattling set of keys that Blitz suddenly tossed at them. "We're gonna be here all night, so make sure you bring it back in the morning in one piece and with a full tank of gas. No sense in you two walking home this late. And make sure you clean up whatever you two do in there."

"Um… sir, there's a child with us," Moxxie pointed out.

"Mm? Yeah-yeah, whatever gets you kinked up, Moxxie," Blitz dismissed.

The shorter imp raised a finger to protest, only to be interrupted by Millie's hand on his shoulder. "C'mon sweetie. Lets get you both home."

Mox and Mils turned back just long enough to wave their goodbyes before ushering Eddie along, closing the door behind them.

"Well shit, Huff'n'Snuff. Not bad for your first day," Blitz commented, giving Snow a less-than gentle elbow to the side. "You killed a kid, helped us dispose of the body, brought a mourning mother some closure, and overall, exuded a level of badassery that this company is sorely lacking. Except by me of course."

"Thanks… I think."

"So, you wanna get shit-faced?" Blitz offered. "You basically just challenged a kid to kill you with no expiration date." He looked almost bitterly toward the door. "And Sinner's can get powerful exceptionally quick compared to most demons. You may have just signed your death warrant there."

Snow just smiled. "Yeah. Millie and Mox will have their hands full. But he's in good hands. As long as he behaves, he might even live long enough to come after me." If he was honest, he envied that little gremlin. More than a little bit.

"Yeah, well," Blitz stated, picking up a couple of beer bottles, passing one to Snow. "C'mon Loony!"

"Ugh!" she let out her signature groan before hoping to her feet, sorting through the bottles as she searched for something more her speed. She snagged up the hardest looking liquor she could find. "Eh. It'll do."

Quickly prying open a bottle with his teeth before spitting out the cap, Blitz lifted his bottle. "Here's to our newest recruit! It's a tough job. It's a thankless job. And sometimes the clients act like they're fucking prima donna, and people actually give a fuck about their opinions.

"But! At the end of the day, we get to enjoy the fruits of our labor and talk shit about those same clients. So Finger-Snuff, welcome to the family.

"Now let's get fucking RICH!" Blitz practically swigged it back, gulping it down.

Loona followed suit with a challenging growl, chugging her own back while Snow watched them both with wide eyes.

His surprise faded quickly as he chuckled in amusement. "Bet I can outdrink both of you."

Loona stopped chugging, looking at him dangerously. "Funny story from a guy who hasn't even taken a drink yet."

"Glug-glug-glug!" Blitz gurgled out as he continued to chug his.

Translation: "You're both falling behind!"

Snow smirked, gently setting down his bottle before reaching out, wrapping his hand slowly around the bottle Loona had. "Then I guess I better catch up," he smirked, holding her eyes as he gently pulling it from her grasp as it unconsciously loosened.

Without breaking eye contact, he swigged it back, half smirking as her eyes widened and her cheeks flushed as she quickly turned away. Shrugging slightly, he chugged it back until there was nothing left but an unhealthy burn in his throat. He gently set the bottle back in her hands. "Now look who's behind," he challenged.

That snapped her out of her stupor as she glared. "Oh. Game. On."

Clink-clink.

They both turned to see Blitz smirking at them with a small lineup of empty bottles next to him. "I hear a lot of hot shit coming from a couple of looosers," Blitz drew out, reaching for another one.

Snow clinked three bottles between his fingers, his hand quickly brushing over the tops and sending the caps gliding like frisbees, causing both imp and hellhound to blink in awe.

"What kind of ninja-ass bullshit is that, White-Line?!" Blitz demanded.

Snow's smirk turned downright predatory. "The kind that says I'm gonna win." Without another word, he swung back pouring all three bottles down a mouth that was widening beyond his disguise's capability to hide. He drained them in seconds. He shivered as he felt the different alcohol types beginning to mix in his gut.

"Dooope!" Loona said, picking up one of the bottle caps before realizing what she had spoken aloud and tried to recover. "I mean… cool trick. Yeah."

He smirked again, clinking his empty drinks. "Now… where were we?"

Millie and Moxxie's Place

"Here we are!" Moxxie exclaimed, proudly opening the door to their apartment. "Home sweet home!"

Eddie stiffly walked in after them, his knees wobbling and his eyes near bugging out of his skull. The number of times they'd almost been hit in the course of a fifteen minute drive made him shiver. And that was while Millie had been driving at a decent speed and checking corners. He almost flopped to the floor in relief. He wasn't sure if fact that those two were completely unaffected said more about them or about Hell.

Still, their little second-story apartment was… in a word, cozy. Comfortable. A real fixer-upper. Okay, it was affordable for Hell.

A single bedroom with conjoined kitchenette and living-space. They didn't have anything outside of basic amenities, and no furniture besides the bed they shared and a couple spare dressers. They were still newlyweds, not even a year into their marriage, and they were working on gathering the necessities to their little love-nest. Some stuff was just less important than others.

Like, why buy a table when they could just eat together in bed? How important was a television when they needed an emergency fund set aside while their boss kept spending their paychecks on Satan only knew what? Stuff like that.

The fact they kept enough fresh food in the fridge was hard enough when they were trying to save aside for an actual house. As it was, the housing market in Hell was… you guessed it… Hell.

Trying to save while putting together the bare minimum of a household was an uphill battle, especially for a couple of newly married imps in the current economy with both of their jobs requiring a steady enough supply of (literal) bodies to survive the bullshit from their bills and their boss.

But they digressed.

"This is your house?" Eddie asked, looking around at the sparse arrangement. "It's kind of a dump."

"It's just a bit of a fixer-upper," Millie placated as she stepped in, clopping her hooves on the welcome mat as she set the van keys next to the door.

"And by that, you mean a dump," Eddie reiterated again, snickering to himself at their expense.

"Hey! You try getting a place cheap enough, while still having enough integrity to work with what your paying for, along with decent utilities that don't overcharge too much! Not to mention minimal remodeling from the Exterminations and Post-Extermination Hostile Takeovers," Moxxie gritted out, grinding his teeth together in frustration. "Not to mention the security deposit on most places would have tanked us!"

"Calm down," Millie soothed, gently wrapping her hands around her husband's head as he silently fumed. "You did good finding this place, baby. My thorough, dedicated man." Her words worked their magic as Moxxie slowly began to take deep breaths.

Eddie snorted bitterly at the imps' antics. It was easy for them after all. They were born here. What kid from a middle-class American home with a single working mom, ever considered they'd go to Hell? Wasn't that just some bullshit adults spouted off to get you to behave? Like spooky-stories and shit?

But there he was, neck deep in the devil's asshole with no plausible way to return home. "Allegedly". Demons were supposed to be really good at lying after all, and they had that stupid portal to Earth. For all he knew, they were just bullshitting him for their own amusement. If only that boss-demon didn't sound so serious about people wanting to slice him into pieces.

He looked down at his new claws, not sure what he was going to do now. Would his mom even recognize him? How was he supposed to pick his nose? Or worse, how was he supposed to wipe? What about peeing?! Did demons even need to use the bathroom?

Of course, he could always ask the two demons right there with him. But that might make him look stupid.

"C'mon, lets get you set up for the night," Millie stated, moving toward the bedroom.

It was probably the nicest place in the house. The pillows were fluffed, the bed made, and comforter looked soft. The only odd thing was the half-opened box on top full of weird stuff.

"Oh, crumbs!" Moxxie practically dived for the box, snatching it as he toppled over the other end of the bed. He popped back up, cheeks heated pink as he hastily tried to kick the box under the bed. "Heheh. Oops."

"Da fuq?" Eddie muttered in confusion.

"Just some… adult stuff," Millie explained without explaining.

As she moved to rummage in the closet, Eddie briefly wondered how much shit he could pull on these two. In a rare bout of self-control, he refrained. He was a smart-ass, not a dumb-ass. Out of his present options, these two fuck-shits were probably the best possible outcome. He got the feeling that being offered a place to stay his first – and potentially subsequent – night(s) in Hell with no ulterior motive was rare. And these two seemed least likely to toss him out on principle compared to the others.

Shiver.

Plus, he didn't want to deal with that albino guy again. Something about that guy sent his newly enhanced instincts shrinking in fear.

Whether he liked it or not, he was in the best possible position to buffer his way through Hell until he understood what was going on. That didn't mean he wasn't going to start some shit. He just had to be careful how he did that, and who he did it with. That started by not biting the hands that were currently feeding him. He winced as he eyed Moxxie's wrapped hand. Literally biting in his case.

"There," Millie stated, having quickly set up a small cot. She nodded satisfactorily at her work, Moxxie dragging out a spare pillow and blankets, along with an oversized shirt.

Moxxie kissed his wife softly after setting down the bedding he'd collected. "I'll get dinner started if you want to get him washed and settled."

"M'kay." Eddie rolled his eyes as he watched the female imp eye her husband moving toward the kitchen for a moment longer with a hungry look in her eyes that had nothing to do with dinner. Ugh! She was as bad as his mom sometimes whenever she brought over some of her "friends".

What?! He was nine, not stupid. Though, he wasn't sure why her husband cooking dinner would make her look at him like that.

He froze when he noticed her attention was on him now, back to her usual weird cheeriness. Unconsciously, he began looking back and forth for a potential escape route just in-case.

"Well, c'mon now," Millie stated, almost causing him to jump as she began pushing him by the shoulders. "You'll probably wanna get washed up. Don't wanna walk around naked the whole time, do ya?"

Eddie yelped, looking down at his scale covered body in embarrassment. He hadn't really noticed, thinking this was just how he was now. What made it worse was how nonchalant these weirdos were about it.

Millie quietly led him over to the bathroom, already setting about preparing a bath with a hummed little tune that Eddie found more to the air-brained capacity of a Disney princess. If Hell had a Disney princess that was. "How do ya prefer yur baths?" she asked earnestly. "Hot? Cold?"

"Um, warm?" he stated, not sure what that constituted in Hell. He watched as Millie made all the nozzle adjustments, which seemed about as self-explanatory as they were on Earth, and soon, a long steady draught was filling the tub.

"Now, do ya need any help with anything?"

"I can bathe myself just fine!" he squeaked out, trying to cover himself up, rather unsuccessfully. "I'm not a kid! I know how to take a bath!"

"Oh– Uh, right!" Millie stated, wincing slightly at his discomfort as she made sure the water was to up to temp before giving him her best reassuring smile. "Just, holler if ya need anythin', alright? Towels are in the cupboard, soap is on the brim, and we'll grab ya some clothes so ya have somethin' ta sleep in, okay? We'll have dinner ready in a few if yur feelin' hungry."

She turned to leave, but paused for a moment in the door jam. "An' don't worry so much about bein' in Hell. Moxxie an' I 'ill getcha acclimated to it, right as rain. Just take yur time. Alrighty?"

And then the door was closed, cutting him off from them.

Eddie stared for a moment at the door before looking around curiously. To his surprise, the bathroom looked a lot like a bathroom would look like on Earth. Toilet, sink, bathtub, toilet paper. And one of those weird fluffy carpets that he honestly couldn't decide was Millie's or Moxxie's idea.

But it wasn't Earth. Subtle things pointed that out, including the dull red that glowed in from the window. Or the slightly off smell in the air that he couldn't pinpoint.

He slowly dipped a clawed toe into the water, half-expecting it to be hot as Hell, but gently reassured as the water slowly covered over his scales. He slipped slowly into the water, snorting as he realized there was a rubber mat suctioned to the bottom of the tub. The male demon, Moxxie, was most likely to slip and fall in the tub in his mind.

The water felt good on his scales, though he kept his knees close to his chest. The pruning flesh that split from his face and down his chest like an old surgical wound made him nervous; what if he actually did split open and spill his guts?! He kept his knees to his chest just in case he had to hold his guts in.

Snn.

He sniffed, folding his clawed digits into his palm before holding his knees with the flats, careful where said claws moved. He didn't know how sharp they were, and he didn't want to find out on his new, alien body. Even keeping his lower jaw from splitting in two as he opened his mouth to talk was a futile exercise, not to mention the skin of his face peeling seemingly of it's own accord or his multiple barbed tongues that he did his best not to run along his new rows of pointed teeth. Oh yeah, and he had horn nubs on his head.

Snn.

There he was, a brand-new freak, exactly where the other freaks belonged. He thought he was on top of the world, not a care to be had. Sure, he'd had to take care of himself most of the time when his mom wasn't home. Now look at him; hardly a shit-stain across the smear of humanity. He was so pathetic that his own otherworldly killers had kept him alive even as he pretended to be paralyzed instead of getting rid of him. At least, they thought they were helping. Of course, then he'd gone and opened his big, fat mouth. And whoever wanted him dead had sent that stupid text.

How much lower could he really go? His entire world was upheaved and ball-stomped into submission.

Snn.

He curled up tighter, his lip trembling unevenly as his jaw shifted alignment. His face flexed away as he sniffled, tears dripping from the corners of his eyes. Not some of the whiny little bitching he'd used to get his way, nor the fake sobs he'd used to get prickle at people and their protective instincts, or any of the obnoxious bawling he'd done to annoy people.

Not for the first time that day, he was truly helpless and miserable. Even with no one around to see him, he tried to hide his new face, sniffing and hiccupping. Just when one might think he'd finally run out of tears to cry, he somehow had more to provide.

Snn.

His hat, which had dutifully remained on his head, finally slid off into the water. He reached out for it, only flinch back when he remembered that his hands had claws on them. Gently, he palmed it closer until the water-darkened fabric sat on his knees.

Snn.

His face contorted more as he tried to suck back more tears. Hardly able to look at it, but hardly able to look away. Because now he knew, he was never going home. It wasn't like his mom was going to go looking for him in Hell, even before those assholes had literally dropped his old body in her lap.

Maybe… maybe it would be easier on her now. She wouldn't have to worry about taking care of her bratty kid.

Snn-hic.

He pulled his hat closer, his face shifting back into place of it's own volition as he laid his cheek on the last reminder he had of being normal. Of being human.

Because returning to "normal" in any compacity… was impossible.

Snn. Hic. Snn.

Welcome to Hell, where the mere idea of "hope" was a pipedream.

I.M.P. Headquarters

"Sooo many drinks," Snow groaned as he washed his face and mouth in the bathroom, unable to get the taste out of his mouth. He was fairly sure the alcohol had soaked into his tongue. If it wasn't sterilizing his stomach right then, it had certainly done the job of sterilizing his mouth. His teeth felt like lead in his gums. How many different drinks had he gone through? Beers, rums, ales, vodka, whiskey, bourbon, gin, tequila?

At least he hadn't blown his donkey juice, even if he felt like he should purge that shit fast.

Shaking the woozy from his head, he dried his hands before walking the office, checking on his co-workers.

Blitz was passed out in the receptionist's chair, his coat being used as a pillow, and half his unbuttoned shirt drenched from the line of drool that was snoring from the corner of the imp's mouth. Snow smirked at the image, lifting his hellphone and snapping a quick pic. Without the flash, obviously. Some blackmail material never hurt. He could always threaten to send it to Stolas if need be.

He might just build a small portfolio dedicated specifically to just that.

He snapped another one just to be safe.

Loona had taken up residence on the reception area couch, curled up almost peacefully with her tail held protectively in her arms. He smiled for a moment before his eyes narrowed contemplatively.

He stepped forward, gulping as his more orderly, less booze addled, thoughts began catching up with his actions. It was probably a bad idea. A really bad idea. And yet, he was the only one who would do it. He was the only one who could do it.

Snow crouched down in front of her, careful not to knock over the setup of bottles she had stacked together, only half noting that one of the straps of her inverted pentagram top was dangerously close to slipping off her shoulder. He mentally facepalmed.

'Of course. Of course, that would happen.'

Pushing that thought away, he reached out, breathing with a stillness that almost lost him in the dark-silent night. His hand landed softly on her belly, his eyes narrowing in focus as he felt her unconsciously tense, her foot kicking gently, and her breathing deepening for a few quick breaths before it leveled out again.

"Sorry, but I'd rather ask your forgiveness than your permission," he whispered. Was that bad? Probably. But he'd seen his fair share of diseases when there was nothing he could do. He'd watched as they slowly burned through demons, all while spreading like wildfire.

Now he could do something about it.

A soft yellow glow reached under his hands as his perception searched further and deeper than his eyes could see. To both his relief and disappointment, he didn't have to spend any effort finding the issue.

It was almost pitiful how long it might have remained there if his new boss hadn't been so mouthy about his employees' personal lives. It was for the best that he'd been around. There had been the briefest mention of her having syphilis, and if he was honest, he'd rather be safe than sorry. Now he was glad he had been.

The damned pestilence wasn't serious, but it had been left unattended for an extended period of time. There were still months left before it would come to a head, but if left for too much longer, the damage would build to irreparable.

At least, irreparable by "normal" standards.

The light in his hand grew more malicious as he felt his magic viciously seek out the infection. It would have been better to be in as close to actual contact with it as possible but – for obvious reasons – that was a road he wasn't about to go down. With time and trust and one helluva explanation ready and an offer of dinner… maybe he could try his hand at gynecology… but that gave it time to fester. Burning out the disease from her abdomen was as close as he dared to probe without asking permission. He was still a stranger to them after all.

He grinned vindictively as he felt the infection die. How it withered and screamed and scorched and burned. He reveled in the sensation of every corrupt cell combusting until it could no longer leech and feed from its host.

"Mmmmm."

Loona's groan reminded him to ease up a little bit. Burning out an infection tended to heat things to a fever pitch. Literally. With his free hand, he spun a much more soothing spell, gently brushing his hand along her forehead.

"There now. Easy sweetie," he quietly assured, watching until she eased back down.

Once he was positive it had run its course, he gently cleansed her insides via magic so she could begin healing naturally on her own. If he accelerated the healing process, she'd wake up from the pain it caused.

Because healing was a painful process. Worth it, but painful. Try setting your own bones and say it's not painful. Same concept.

Double-checking his work, he smiled in relief when there was nothing more to do but let time take its toll. He removed his hand from her abdomen, satisfied that she'd be fine.

With one more soothing brush over her brow, he stood up, once again noting her slipping strap before rolling his eyes at himself. Gently shrugging off his trench coat, he laid it over her, making sure it preserved whatever illusion of dignity he fashioned for her considering he'd just seen her chug an assortment of alcohol like some basic white sorority bitch. The hellhound groaned softly, shifting at the additional weight and heat provided before she gently stilled once more in unconscious bliss.

Now bare-chested, a crisscross of silvery scars visible to the underworld on his pale back, and no sign of sleep anywhere in sight, he sat in the middle of the reception area, breathing deeply as he began to meditate. The alcohol in his veins had already primed him, loosening his muscles, relaxing his mind. With a deep breath, he didn't have to reach far.

He traced a single finger through the air, drawing small wicks of bluish flame that danced like floating candles. He wasn't sure how many he made, only that he made many, each one drawing no fuel save whatever magic he provided them.

He settled into the lotus position, getting comfortable as he focused on controlling every flickering flame. He inhaled, his breath strengthening the dancing lights' intensity; he exhaled, dousing them back. He continued his exercise, vaguely aware of where every flame floated, ensuring they were never too big, never too bright, and never collided with anything or anyone.

It wouldn't do to burn down his building of employment on the same day that 'someone… somewhere', blew up his apartment. His luck was never that bad, but better safe than sorry.

"God! Turn down the lights, dumbass! You trying to blind me or something?"

His body tensed and his flames suddenly blazing, sparking with heat for a moment before he processed the voice. "Shouldn't you be asleep?" he tossed back, taming the flames back down.

"The fuck you say, dumbass? Do I look five to you?" Snow looked back to see a half-awake Loona, rubbing her eyes rebelliously, clearly in the midst of a hangover as the fires reflected through bottles in her face.

'Not even close.' Not like he was going to say that out loud though. He rolled his eyes at her, causing his eyes to luminate in the firelight.

YAWN!

She groaned, stretching her arms to the ceiling as she opened her maw in tongue-curling yawn, her tail swishing as it curled back into place. "Fuck me! I better have won with this fucking headache!" she growled, flopping her arms back down with half-lidded gaze of exhaustion, wincing as she rubbed her temples. The strap of her top slipped a little more, causing Snow's eyes to widen before he whipped away.

"Nope," Snow stated tensely. "But you out-drank Blitz, so there's that I suppose."

"That doesn't say shit!" she stated, blinking hazily as she glared down at what covered her. "Is this your coat?"

He nodded quickly, the light from his flames making him seem more spectral, before he began scratching at his bristling hair. "Yeah."

The hellhound looked down at his coat, then back at him and his reaction, doing a double-take for good measure before she noticed her top. A devilish smirk began to glow in the fire-light, and she leaned forward suggestively. "What? See something you like?"

The blue flames began to turn white, pulsating slightly. "Saw plenty I liked," he admitted plainly, before he returned with a grin of his own. "Including a certain hellhound cuddling with her tail." His smirk only deepened as an angry blush lit up her face.

"No, I didn't!" she denied.

His self-satisfied smile was telling in itself.

She gripped the coat in her lap with a vice. The hellhound looked downright murderous, and it was oh so precious. "Don't. You. Tell. Any-one," she growled out, teeth grit in a snarl. He might have smirked harder if there weren't angry, bitter tears disappearing into her fur at the corner of her eyes.

Without meaning to, he tapped into her emotional field. His eyes immediately widened, and the mirth died in his eyes.

"On one condition," he murmured, suddenly serious as a seizure, moving his seating until he was crouched right in front of her.

His mood-swing took the hellhound for a loop as he went directly from prickly banter and mischievous smiles, to absolutely focused on her. Not an ounce of the demon he was seemed to make an appearance. No glowing or slit eyes; just unbridled attentiveness. And a glisten in his eyes that made it hurt to look at him. That was arguably more terrifying than the gaze of a demon.

It was even worse when his human-like finger brushed just under her eyes. "Please stop crying."

Loona's growls lessoned, unaware as she had been that her vision was distorted. She jerked away, brushing her paws across her face as quickly as she could, sniffing before she could hold it in. "God! Fuck! Damnit!"

She blinked open her eyes as a tissue dangled in front of her, provided by the new guy. He looked worried. Like, seriously worried. But also somewhat scrambling, like he didn't know what to do. His confusion did manage to draw a thick chuckle out of her. "Just talk about something," she demanded, wiping her eyes and blowing her nose.

"Um– Uh… why did you call me 'Cheesecake'?" he asked quickly. What made it funnier to her was that he was still dead serious. Scrambling, but serious. "You know, when you let me in this morning."

"Pfft!" she tried to refrain, but her chuckles still made her head hurt, leading to a broken groan.

Snow noticed her pain but had no problem ignoring it. Hangovers were a natural consequence of excessive drinking, and she could deal with it. Satan knows he did. In the meantime, he wanted an answer. Anything to divert her attention.

"Mmm," she groaned out with a huffed chuckle. "Because, you called Blitz, 'Blitzy'. I figured, since you knew bird-tail, you were probably another rich, pompous asshole. And… well, you're white."

"White?" he asked in confusion.

"Like, really white," she pointed out. "Rich and white. Like a–"

"Cheesecake," he answered, deadpanning at her. "I'm not sure whether or not to be impressed, offended. Or both."

"This is Hell, Snow-Cone. Nobody cares," she snarked back, snorting slightly.

She froze as she noticed she was getting chummy with the new guy. Not just chummy, but having a "normal" conversation. She began running her fingers through her hair passively, trying to hide her embarrassment behind her off-white straights. "So– Uh– What about you?" He cocked his head slightly. "Y-You know? With all the magic… and stuff?" she gestured nervously toward the wickless flames orbiting them.

"Oh! Oops!" he muttered, staring at his hand before he breathed in and closed his eyes. The little flames became like moths, drawn to the palm of his hand as they crawled over his bare shoulders, neck, arms, and torso.

Loona jumped as several behind her flitted heatedly over her shoulders, watching as they continued unimpeded without leaving so much as a mark, imprinting a gentle stinging warmth across her fur as they passed.

All the flames gathered together, consolidating into a single fiery orb that grew in intensity with every spark absorbed. With all the formerly spread-out light now spiraling into a single white-blue sun in the palm of his hand, the shadows it cast were deeper, and lights reflected through empty bottles pierced deeper.

And with a violent clench of his hand, it extinguished, drowning them both in dull-red darkness.

"Yeah, I probably should have put that out sooner," he admitted as his eyes rapidly adjusted.

"Mmmm," Blitz moaned from his seat, turning irritably. "Stop trying to tickle my asshole you perverted owl," he warned in his sleep, looking ill-at-ease in his dream.

Loona and Snow both stared at the imp for a couple moments in frozen silence before turning to look at each other.

"Pfft!" they both chortled, covering their mouths to prevent from laughing out loud. Last thing they'd want is to wake up Blitz in the middle of the night.

"So… magic," she stated, rubbing her eyes gently. "No chance it comes with an epilepsy warning?"

"'Fraid not. Sorry."

"You used it on the fatty to calm him down, right? Unless you were just poking him for Shit's 'n Giggles."

Snow raised any eyebrow at her observations. Sure, he'd just about blasted her this morning when he first entered I. M. P., but to notice his subtle spellwork in the office? "Color me impressed."

"Yeah… well… you spend as much time dicking around with Blitz's sugar daddy's grimoire as I do, you tend to pick up a few things," she explained, shrugging dismissively.

"I'd be more shocked if you didn't."

She shrugged again. "Eh. It makes for an interesting read if nothing else."

He nodded slowly. "I'd– uh– appreciate it if you didn't tell the others." He demonstrated with little magicky sparkles in his hands that were better reserved for birthday parties and holiday events. "You know? About the magic stuff."

"Why?" she asked, not understanding. "Do you know how many people would kill to have a caster in their employ? You're basically our meal-ticket here."

He opened his mouth to respond, only to clop it shut as he looked back at her. "One… harsh. I am not just a pretty face with some sparkle power and a sword. I have a personality too you know?" Loona snorted at him.

"Second, I have a better idea than you do just how many people would kill to get me," he stated firmly, causing her to frown. "Third, your da– Blitz, didn't interview me. Sucks to suck. Which says it all, since I was recommended here by who Blitz is sucking off." He didn't like the eyebrow he was getting for his near tongue slip.

"Well then," she stated in her usual disinterest, prompting Snow to cock his head in confusion.

He almost yelped when he felt her slide off the couch and crawl into his lap. Her thighs practically melded around his crisscrossed legs, her hands pushing his coat into his chest until that was the only barrier between his bare chest and her midriff. For all the good the damn thing was doing, it only served to accentuate exactly which parts of who's anatomy was pressed against whom.

The hellhound was just smirking, half-lazily tossing her hair behind her shoulder, her tail swaying temptingly.

MMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!

He screamed silently as her scent began to hit him, like parade of good feelings and bad decisions just waiting to happen. Oh sweet, sweating Asmodeus! This was bad!

Good. Definitely good.

But bad!

A single claw raked harmlessly down his coat, but he could feel it moving across his now barely covered chest. "What do I get out of it if I keep your little secret?" she growled huskily.

"W-Wha–" He had to clear his throat at the squeak that came out, his face like ripe strawberries. "Well, wha-wha-what do you w-want?"

Nailed it.

Her smirk deepened and her chest pressed harder into his. "I want you to teach me."

SCREEEEEEEEEEEECH!

CRASH!

BOOM!

"AAAAAAAAAAGH!"

CRUNCH!

HELECOPTER NOISES!

AMBULENCE SIRENS!

The unbidden heat rising in his body suddenly deflated faster than his line of thought derailed as his head cocked. "You what now?"

"What? You think I'm just gonna spread my legs for the new guy because he's cute, vindictive, and looks like he needs broken in? At least take me to dinner first, then we'll see," she stated with an eyeroll, still unmoved from her position on his lap.

"I want you to teach me magic," she reiterated, poking him gently in the chest, before beginning to walk her fingers up his torso. "Do that, and… your secret will be safe and sound."

He deadpanned as he realized his badass huckster self, had just got had by getting his lap sat on. Like a fucking SIMP! Buuut! She did think he was cute! Bonus!

"Glad you at least have standards," he stated sarcastically, his nose twitching in barely concealed agony when she adjusted. "But there were easier ways to make that offer. Like nicely."

"This is Hell. Where's the fun in that?" she asked, still smirking like she had the upper hand. "Just making sure I have your attention."

There was plenty of attention. More than plenty.

Still, being on the retreat didn't sit well with him. And he had a few offers of his own.

Loona tensed as Snow suddenly tipped them both forward, her legs unconsciously wrapping around his waist to prevent from falling, gripping to him like a cat over water. He gently set her back to the ground, now looming over her with the odds in his favor.

"W-What are you doing?" she demanded, her eyes wide as he gave her a playful smirk.

"Playing your game," he answered, one of his claws emerging as he traced it over her abdomen. "I just wanted to make some… additions… to the deal, and I need to have your attention."

"C-Consider me… attentive." Her blush deepened as one hand gently gripped her waist while the other planted firmly next to her cheek to keep him from falling face-first into her breasts, but still giving him the leverage to look her in the eyes.

"One, once you get your syphilis taken care of– No, shh-shh-shh." He put a finger to her snout when she looked ready to protest, settling for glaring at him. "You don't want to wake your dad, do you? Imagine what he'd have to say if he saw us in this position." He gestured over to a still snoring Blitz, giving her a half-lidded smirk of amusement.

"Now listen closely. Once you get it taken care of, any activity you participate in better be with done with your health taken into account.

"That means 'safe-sex', picking your partners more carefully, or better yet, abstain," he explained seriously. "Learning magic is hard enough. Learning magic while fighting off a bacterial infection will only make it harder. Clear?"

It wasn't like he was going to tell her that he'd already taken care of that little detail.

She nodded slowly as she thought it over.

"Good. Second, to compensate for your… eh, sacrifice… I'll throw in some combat training." Though it was clear from his tone that it was anything but a sacrifice. "Magic is great, but having other options when you can't get off a spell is always handy.

"Even better if you can bring them both together."

She gently opened her mouth, letting him know that she wanted to speak. This time, he didn't stop her. "I already know how to fight."

"I figured you could, but it can't hurt now, can it?" he shrugged dismissively.

He suddenly pressed in closer, aligning them pelvis to pelvis, tracing a full hand of claws from her belly, down her thigh. His canines grew sharper, his eyes slitting and glowing hauntingly as he lowered his mouth closer to Loona's ear. The moan she bit back caused him no small amount of satisfaction, but also made it harder to focus when her breathing grew more heated.

'Shit! Fuck! Wrap it up. Wrap it up. Wrap it up!'

"And third," he growled out, having a helluva time trying to reign himself back in. "Don't. Ever. Try seducing me again unless you mean it.

"Because I have this greedy little compulsion: If I like you, I'm gonna steal you. And if I steal you, I'm keeping you. And once I have you, I don't share. With anyone.

"So if I'm too much for a little hellhound to handle, don't go flirting with a natural disaster," he stated with finality. "That's your only warning. Sound good?" He finished up by nipping softly at her ear and pulling the strap of her top back into place with a trace of his claw. And then he withdrew.

Snow rolled out from between her legs, leaving the hellhound panting and blushing in equal measure on the floor as she stared up at the ceiling. A chill washed over where his body had previously been against hers, causing an unpleasant and enticing tremble to shiver through her. The fact his coat was covering her did nothing to hide this.

He wasn't doing much better considering he had to think of his former – now late – landlord to cool his jets. That killed any boner before it could lift off his leg.

"So, to recap, I don't talk about you cuddling your tail, or crying– Ow!" He rubbed his arm as she punched him. "… I train you in magic and combat, while you also keeping my magic a secret, take care of yourself, and don't needlessly try to get in my pants? Deal?"

Loona looked over at him, frowning at the amusement in his eyes. "Weren't you just trying to get into my pants?"

He rolled his eyes before standing up. "Fine! Then we both won't needlessly try to get into each other's pants. Shameless flirting is still on the table though." He reached down, waiting on her.

She seemed to contemplate her choices, and the offer being made. Nevermind that her stomach had twisted pleasantly when he nipped her ear, or her toes curled when he made his third condition. It was a good deal on paper. In practice… well, training under him would give her more insight.

"Under no uncertain conditions," she muttered, holding up her hand. He gripped it firmly, gently pulling her to her feet, catching his sliding coat before it could hit the floor.

"Good."

EEEP!

Loona froze stock still as Snow suddenly had her in a princess carry, his chuckle causing an indignant burn in her lowered ears. As gently as possible, he laid her back down on the couch, blanketing her back up with his jacket once again.

"Get some sleep, you naughty puppy," he ordered cheekily. "You have training in the morning, and I'd prefer you well-rested."

She growled at the nickname, half-prepared to pounce at him, consequences be damned. "You can't make–!"

His finger gently trained between her brow and down her snout, causing her eyes to flutter before they rolled into the back of her head, and she went limp. Ah, they were so cute when they resisted.

With much softer smile, he bunted his nose gently into hers, tracing a waxing crescent on her forehead with his thumb. "Nighty-night, little she-wolf. Pleasant dreams."

They didn't all have that luxury after all. He'd let her be for now though. His smile strained sadly when she immediately adjusted to hold her tail in her sleep again. All he could do now was ensure that his coat was protection enough from whatever creatures haunted dreams.

Like unicorns. Fuck those guys!

He checked on his new boss again, glad to see that the imp hadn't stirred much. He wasn't sure he wanted to explain to his boss what he was doing with his adopted daughter on the ground. He winced. Yeah, best leave that line of thinking to a more demonic mind.

Either way, not bad for his first day. Assuming things were always this… smooth… it would be a cakewalk. Ish? Maybe?

Assuming he didn't accidently burn it to the ground in a series of unrelated events that somehow correlated with triggering every reoccurring nightmare he'd been born into.

'Smooth, Snow. Smooth,' he commented sarcastically.

He quietly summoned his phone to his hand, checking the time. It was way past late, and it was probably going to be a full day tomorrow. Best to get some sleep before he ended up awake all night. He grabbed his katana and found a corner to sit in, leaving the blade between his legs and his phone next to him.

At least he had a roof over his head tonight, which was better off than he had been that morning. It was warm, it was relatively clean, and the tap didn't taste like cyanide with arsenic drizzle, and he didn't have to worry about being woken up to the sounds of a shotgun. If he was lucky, maybe there weren't any roaches in the walls either.

With a stiff flourish of his hand, multiple bottles set up around him in a mashup of ways. He'd know if anyone approached him long before they got close enough.

He leaned back, finally content enough to go to sleep. Of course, then his brain kicked it up a gear.

'Oh no!' He blinked, now wide awake. How could he have forgotten? How could he have been so willingly ignorant?

'We didn't clean up the blood out of the conference room carpet.'

"Man. That shit is gonna stain now," he groaned, smacking his head back into the corner. Maybe there was a store with vinegar he could stop by in the morning.

After training of course.

Author's Note: Reviews appreciated! :D

Yes, this is basically a Prologue Part 2. I wanted to have a little more to work with regarding Snow, Eddie (since he's now a demon, instead of mysteriously absent from the rest of the series, but that's most Pilot episodes for cartoons), and the rest of the cast of I.M.P. before moving on to a cover of Episode 1: Murder Family.

Some informative notes regarding Eddie: according to what we know about Vivziepop's version of Hell, Eddie would be classified as a Sinner subspecies of Demon. His appearance and abilities in Hell would be influenced by his sins, and how he died. Since I'm not actually sure how Vivziepop fashions each classification of Sinner demon, I took some creative liberty.

According to what I could find, Sinner's have a few limitations and exceptional abilities compared to Hellborn demons, as follows: they are confined to the Pride Ring (including leaving to other Rings, and Hell via a particular grimoire), can't reproduce (no problem for Eddie anyway since his balls haven't dropped), can't die by more mundane means unlike lower tier demons (like Grigori Rasputin levels of hard to kill) but they can feel pain and possibly reform from otherwise deadly attacks, are capable of accruing power to raise their status (but no higher than that of an Overlord); and are typically ranked higher than imps, hellhounds, and most other lower denizens of Hell (probably because they're so hard to kill).

Off-note: The only guaranteed method to kill a Sinner I could find applies to all demons: a blessing-tipped weapon generally via the smiley-end of an Exorcist angel. I think the metal has a more poisonous/corrosive effect when in contact with demon blood, considering Moxxie and Striker (Imps, the lowest tier of demon) handled a blessed rifle with no adverse side-effects.

Which begs the question, does demon blood corrode the metal itself? This would explain how demons get the metal (from Exorcist angels discarding the slowly corroding weapons), why it's so rare (assuming there isn't a stockpile somewhere), and why the only blessed weapons we see wielded by demons are guns (melee weapons would corrode if used repeatedly on any tier of demon, plus cleaning that shit runs the risk of cutting yourself and getting Holy poisoning). Unless there's some other limitation that I'm unaware of, but I think it explains most of the stipulations... maybe?

Heads-up: I'm not sure how often I'll be posting these yet, or if it will continue. This is mostly to relieve the pressure on my brain. Because it's a Sample Story, if I get serious about writing this, it will be subject to changes. So not everything here will be gospel if I come back to it.

I have the ideas, but only time and feedback will determine if anything comes out of it. So far, we're looking at a possible delve into Murder Family. Maybe.