A/N: Hey guys! I'm back! And now it's time to hit up some more of that Episode 1: Murder Family! Part 2.
That being read, I welcome your Reviews. If you have criticisms, I welcome those too. Please keep them constructive. I want to grow as an author, and I can't do that if people aren't willing to critique, or only want to tear me down. I'm not here to please everybody, but I am here to learn. There is a method to my madness, even if I don't always fully understand it. 90% of what I write, I don't write baselessly. If there is something not canon or changed from canon, there is generally a reason. If something doesn't make sense, feel free to let me know (constructively), and as long as it doesn't creep into SPOILER! territory, I'll do my best to explain it.
WARNING: This is rated M for a reason. In keeping with the spirit of Helluva Boss, there will be copious amounts of Murder, Brutal Violence, Senseless Violence, Child Violence, Gender-Equal Violence, Accidental Violence, Drugs, Hard Drugs, Soft Drugs, Prescription Drugs, All-Natural Drugs, "All Natural" Drugs, Alcohol, Blood, Gore, Visceral, Dissection, the occasional slow-crunch of Bones, and Cannibals contributing to said "slow-crunch", Language, Offensive Language, non-Politically Correct Language, possibly butchered attempts at Foreign Language, Horny Demons, Hornier Humans, even Hornier Furries, and any number of things the average law-abiding citizen might consider "distasteful", but that I find hilarious because laughter is easier than being angry at people or the world all the time.
This story is not for people who are easily offended, are offended on other people's behalf when they really don't give a shit, squeamish around violence, think sex is naughty, or think jokes are like dicks and take them way too hard. You know the drill (haha! I just got that!)
If you don't like it, DON'T READ IT!
This is for Adults, or for any of you below the age of 18 who are so desensitized to this stuff because your parents never cared about your mental sanctity (Wow! Already getting in the spirit of things and insulting people! Nice!). All the same, Reader Discretion is Advised. (God I love this pre-story warning!)
But! Because this is my first "real" attempt at such mature content, don't expect me to dive head-first into 'X-rated' stuff. Or even dabble. No dabbling. That's not the vibe I got from Helluva Boss. That, and my mother would burn me at the stake if I did. Love you Mom!
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- "Guest" 1: Here's that update! ^^
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Disclaimer: I don't own Helluva Boss, Hazbin Hotel, or any of its subsidiaries. Those rights belong exclusively to Vivziepop, and anyone else who had a hand in it's creation. I just get to enjoy it for all it's worth.
I would also like to point out that I don't own any other media or content that may be mentioned as further enrichment to the story.
Without further ado. *Que the dimming of the lights*
Chapter 3: No Place for Mercy
The Living World
The assassins of I.M.P. stepped from their office into woodland, surrounded by thick green pine cover and undergrowth.
Snn!
"Ah!" Millie sniffed dreamily, inhaling the deep and permeating fragrance of nature. "Ya smell that Moxxie. Fresh air! It's just like back home in Wrath!"
"It's… okay… I suppose?" Moxxie reassured. Sort of. Ish. He preferred the city, and not all this… nature stuff. Though, now that he looked around… it was kinda pretty.
"Ugh! Let's just get this over with!" Blitz demanded, checking over his flintlock with a practiced and routine eye.
Soft chittering alerted them, and the imps whipped around… just to see Snow gazing with expanding pupils at the woodland, his hands clasped in delight. "Ohhh!" he cooed. "It's… beautiful."
They all shared confused glances as Blitz scratched the barrel of his weapon against his horns. "Uh… are doing okay? You didn't… take drugs… recreationally before we left… did you?" Even the boss was having a hard time wrapping his head around Snow's behavior change. He was usually the weird one.
SNNNNN!
Snow said nothing as he slinked up to a pine tree, taking a large inhale of the wood and bark. His eyes prickled with tears and his lip trembled as he turned in a circle, taking it all in with wide, adoring eyes. A hitched exhale left his mouth, and the barest glimpse of a smile tried to assert itself on his features.
"I think he broke," Moxxie commented, and none of his fellow imps had a reasonable counter. Snow had been on jobs with them before, sooo… his reaction was a little concerning.
"Hey look, ma… it's a forest," he muttered gently, falling to his knees in reverence, happy tears gleaming down his face.
Millie slowly approached him, carefully putting a hand on his shoulder. He didn't even freeze up at the contact, too consumed in the world around him.
"You doin' okay, sweetie?" she asked worriedly. She hadn't dealt with any demon this emotional outside of Moxxie. Compared to how borderline pissed he'd been back at the office and his usual teasing, embarrassment, and occasional blinding smiles, this was a little much in the opposite direction.
"Mom… always wanted to see the forest," he answered softly, sniffing as he let out more shuddered exhales as he looked increasingly sadder. "I'm… positive she would have loved it." He said no more than that, but that seemed to be all he had to say.
He looked like he was about to break down again, and Millie quickly wrapped her arms around his head. Their resident not-really-human looked like he needed a good hug. "Shh. You're okay. Easy now," she whispered softly, looking over to Moxxie helplessly.
Moxxie strolled up, unable to really add anything save putting a hand on Snow's shoulder as he took it in. He'd briefly mentioned that his mom was dead, back when Blitz had first hired him. It had been so brief and straight-forward, none of them had realized just how deep that kind of thing was for Snow. Had it already been over a week since he had joined their little company?
It felt like months.
"Listen kid, as much as I'd love to hear all about your dead mom, we do have a job to do. You can take it all in as soon as we're done," Blitz stated, though without most of his usual biting tone.
"Blitz!" Millie snapped, only to look down worriedly as Snow nodded his head and wiped his eyes with his trench coat sleeve.
"M'kay," he sniffed. "Drop the bitch first. Kick her body around a bit. Then senseless stimuli overload later. Followed by some Sushi and Chicken Alfredo. And getting 'White Girl' wasted."
While Millie and Moxxie quirked their eyebrows at him, a smirk appeared on the boss's face at that. "Hmm. Demon after my own heart. Throw in some pumpkin spice cookies, and I might even let you fuck me twice sideways."
"I don't swing your way," Snow reiterated for the umpteenth time. If deadpanning could kill, Blitz would have been atomized.
Blitz was still super pissed at him for – allegedly – getting off on Loona grabbing his junk. But a little less so now. He was one helluva a cold-hearted assassin, but he was a rare bright smile. And those two things meant something in Hell.
But! While he was hashing out his feelings, or whatever gross shit that was, Blitz was already preparing their course. After all, time was money. "So! We portalled close to our target! Now suck it up and put your big-boy pants on! We got skank to hunt!"
With little other interference, Blitz was proud to see his employees were already up and ready to blow some brains out. A simple nod later, and they were trudging through the woods, and by "trudging", it didn't even count as a "hop and a skip". It didn't even take long enough for Blitz to start complaining.
A two-story house, and at least an acre of red picket fenced lakefront property in the middle of the woods, greeted them. A cobbled path that led down to a wood dock, and a small garage intended for a riding mower was connected to the main structure. It might have been much larger as a property, but this was just the fenced in portion.
"Huh? Red is an interesting color," Blitz commented with a shrug. "Well, if your dirty rich and want people to notice. Kinda a douche color to choose though."
"Actually, sir, it's more of a montgomery. Or maybe chestnut?" Moxxie corrected, cocking his head at the present pallet.
"That could just be the sunset, babe," Millie offered. He nodded so-so in consent.
They stood outside the fence for a moment longer before Blitz led the way. He tried hoping the fence, only to face plant in the carefully manicured grass.
"Sir, there's a gate," Moxxie stated, opening the fence for his wife as they walked through. The hinges didn't even squeak.
Spitting out some grass, Blitz glared at them. "They might have alarms, dipshit!"
"Yes. Because everyone has alarms on a picket fence," Moxxie stated sarcastically.
Snow soared over the fence, his trench coat billowing like wings before he landed in a crouch. He looked badass, and he stood back up like he knew it.
Blitz sniveled. "Show off."
Quickly picking himself back up, Blitz began to lead them again, finally nestling in some bushes under the windowsill. All four assassins pressed their backs against the house. Normally they'd be taking a moment or two to prepare themselves, but since there was only one person to kill, and the security was pitiful… it was kind of a meh job.
But, souls were souls. Kill 'em, get paid.
Blitz peered up over a flower box to look inside the house, chuckling darkly to himself. "That's gotta be her. Heheheh! This is too easy. Moxxie, do you want this one?"
"Me?" he asked, somewhat stunned, and yet happy, that Blitz was offering.
"Yeah! Get 'em baby," Millie encouraged.
"Yeah, this one should be simple enough for you to handle," Blitz reassured.
"What about Millie? Or Snow?"
Blitz just deadpanned at him. "Do either of them look like they brought guns? That leaves me aaand…?"
"Me."
"Yes. "You"," Blitz reaffirmed like he was talking to the slow, just as Moxxie stood up to look in the window. "Don't worry. It's just a happy mother who just got out of the hospital. We're just sending her back.
"And by "back", I mean to the "Morgue"."
Moxxie had the misfortune of looking through the window at the exact moment that their target – this "Martha" – rubbed noses with her husband. They appeared ready to eat dinner, both of their children seated at the table with them.
Distress took over as he froze up, hesitating to reach for his weapon for several seconds too long.
"Snooze you lose, Mox!" Blitz stated, kissing his flintlock before putting it back in his coat, replacing it with a larger rifle, complete with a scope. Blitz was quick to aim down the sight, lining up the shot with Martha's face. "And I've gotcha, bitch," he purred darkly.
"Wait! Are we actually killing a family?!" Moxxie protested, his breathing beginning to pick up.
"No. Don't be a puss. That's unnecessary violence and a waste of expensive bullets. We're just killing a mother," Blitz reassured, before clarifying further as he aimed again, "We're ruining a family."
Moxxie took a quick look at Snow. All this talk about killing a mother right after having just mentioned his own late mother must've been hard. To his surprise, he found Snow looking at him, giving him a stern but resolute nod.
"Look at your wife, Moxxie," Snow instructed, reminding him of their earlier talk.
He turned to do so just as he felt something tickle his hand. He wiggled his fingers, thinking it was just an itch, but the feeling persisted. Frowning, Moxxie brought his hand up to take a look, only to freeze.
A pitch-black spider was crawling on the back of his hand, almost as large as his small imp hand. His eyes narrowed and his face contorted. "Sthp– Sthp– Sthp–" he tried to sound out, but his voice lodged in his throat, only managing a weak, "Spider."
Then he saw the red hourglass on the underbelly.
EEEP!
Shrieking, Moxxie flicked his hand violently to dislodge it, only to send it flying. Then it all went to shit.
BANG!
Blitz jerked the trigger at the shriek, causing him to fire and miss his shot by several inches. Now angry, he turned just in time to have something dark smack him in the face. His eyes crossed to take a look, only to see eight eyes staring back at him.
"Oh–"
"–Fuck," Snow finished for him in exasperation.
"Spider!" Millie called.
SMACK!
Blitz fell back with spider guts splattered on his face as Millie wiped her hand off in the bushes. "You alright, Blitz?" she asked worriedly. "I think I get 'im."
Growling, Blitz shot back to his feet, checking his dropped weapon for damage. Luckily, there was none. He whipped back around, seething. "What the fuck was that Moxxie?!"
Said imp was shivering, shaking his hands and his tongue pursing out of his mouth in disgust. "I'm sorry. It was crawling on me, and I saw it was poisonous!" He was hyperventilating, letting loose a strangled gargle before whimpering like a kicked puppy. "I panicked!"
Snow groaned, knowing there was no way someone didn't hear all of that. Gunshot or otherwise be damned. "Did you at least hit her. We don't need any innocent bystanders getting pulled into this." He peaked up over to the window, blinking in surprise as four pairs of red eyes and mouths of sharp teeth glared his way. "…Um…."
"Who the fuck is innocent, Baking Soda?!" Blitz hissed, still royally pissed. "From the moment of birth, you're already a parasite leeching off yur dead momma's tits!"
"Um, guys," Snow warned, realizing that they must be in the south, because everyone in that family was pulling out guns. Children included.
"And you!" Blitz whipped back around to Moxxie, jabbing a finger in his chest. "Get over yourself you baby-dicked prude! I swear to Satan, if you ever make me miss a shot again, I'll–"
"You missed the shot?" Millie interrupted.
"Guys!"
"YES! I missed the– …Oh fuck," Blitz went from sixty to zero instantly as that finally processed.
"MOVE IT DUMBASSES!"
BANG!
Before any of them could process, Snow grabbed Blitz and Millie by their horns, chucking them away from the wall just before it exploded.
Blitz and Millie landed roughly on the lawn, turning just in time to see the worst-case-scenario for a mission. Snow was wincing in pain. He looked down at his chest with no visible sign of damage before he turned. Blood was seeping out of multiple holes in his back, soaking the white of his trench coat an eerily vibrant red.
"I don't think… they missed," Snow groaned out weakly. He lost his balance, tipping over and falling out of the bushes before anyone could think to move. He gasped weakly, seemingly struggling to breathe.
CRASH!
Before anyone could respond to that, the window exploded outward as two people jumped through it, guns in hand. Martha and her husband landed next to the strangely pale human.
"Well, well, well. What have we here?" Ralphie asked, chuckling darkly.
Snow pushed his head up. Blitz and Millie were staring with wide-eyed shock. Clearly, they'd never seen this much blood they hadn't caused before. "Run… you little… bitch-ass… fucks," he groaned out, one hand weakly reaching out and grabbing ahold of Martha's ankle. "I… got'em."
The imps were still frozen.
"I said, MOVE!" he snarled, his eyes flashing blue.
Like a signal had gone off, both imps jumped, smartly taking off in different directions.
Crack!
He bit back a howl as Ralphie slammed the heel of his boot down on wrist, snapping it. Instead, he opted for soft whimpers, no longer able to hold them back with that hand.
"Ugh! Gross," Martha commented, kicking away his now limp hand. A sinister smile crossed her face as she looked down at him. "Now you just stay there little human. We have plenty we can do with you. Later of course."
Snow wisely didn't state that he wasn't human, only breathing heavily as he gave this bitch his best shit-eating grin, blood starting to dribble through his teeth. "Yeah. You look like you like it in the ass."
He was roughly kicked in the stomach by the husband.
"Not too bruised now. They're always better fresh," Ralphie commented, taking off in the direction Millie ran, while Martha went after Blitz.
After a moment, he was alone.
Mostly.
"Oh crumbs!" Moxxie whispered, crawling out of his hiding spot in the bushes. The little imp hovered his hands over Snow, not sure what to do. The blood red accented far too much against Snow's pale complexion. He didn't want to hurt him, but he had to stop the bleeding. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."
"I got… worse than this…," Snow pulled in a strangled gasp, "…when I was living… in the… Greed Ring." He tried to crack a smile, but it only made him look worse, judging by the wince Moxxie was giving him. He looked around carefully, noticing something was missing. "Where… are that sick… sadistic bitch's… kids?"
"Kids?" Moxxie asked in confusion.
The imp suddenly felt something grab him by the tail. He squealed in surprise, only to feel something soft get placed over his nose and mouth. Within a few moments, struggle or no, he was out of it.
Snow couldn't turn to see what had happened, only listen as Moxxie was slowly dragged away, struggling to breathe, much less help. "Fuck. Fuck! Fuck!"
He reached his good hand up, gently pulling his katana out with soft, jerking motions to minimize the pain he was in. Trying to suck in another breath, he couldn't get the blade completely out without more motion, and more motion meant more pain, so he left it still partially sheathed. It's silver sheen glowed a soft blue, gleaming white core-metal dancing over its frame like the branches of a tree.
"Need a hand now… any time… Caz," he whispered, his mana slowly coating his body, eyes glowing blue as he focused. He wouldn't be able to do much. Time was of the essence, so he'd have to settle for a rushed patch-up job.
'Now this little piggy went to the–'
Crack!
GAAAAGGH! UUUUGGGAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!
One bullet was sent flying as it was roughly yanked out by his power, the hole rapidly sealing, forcing a roar out of him. The amulet around his neck began to heat up, searing into his skin as his powers aggressively flared, the grass around him scorching instantly to white ash.
One down.
Millie ran as gunshots fired after her, agilely dodging and flipping away from the points of impact. Despite her best attempts, she was unable to dredge up enough worry for her fellow assassins as her entire focus was consumed with evasive maneuvers.
She ran swiftly for the dock down by the lake, diving into the water darkening waters without hesitation. Rather than rush forward, she back-pedaled under the dock for cover before breaking for the surface.
"Where'd you go little critter?!" Ralphie called out, substituting his shotgun for a bottle as his boots clumped on the dock overhead. "Y'all can't hide long from me!"
Millie quickly stowed the flat of a knife in her mouth to free up her hands to tread water. Her tail reached up and wrapped around Ralphie's foot, causing him to yelp in surprise as she used the impromptu anchor and his pull to yank herself back up. Pulling the knife from her mouth, she snarled as she landed in a balanced leaping-crouch.
"Oh? You sound just like a possum!"
She hissed in response, her eyes narrowing and her blade twisting into a reverse-grip. She darted forward, sliding under his swing and legs, swiping at his crotch, and cutting through his jeans.
Ralphie jerked, his hands going down to feel around his manhood. To his relief, all was intact save for his good jeans and his chonies. She'd almost shaved him smooth. "Boy! Am I glad I'm na hung like uh bear."
Millie didn't give him another moment as she flipped into a high-kick, nailing him with her hooves in his test 'n testaments. He fell to dock, knees knocking and hunched over with a high-pitched moan. "You– You bitch."
"That's for my friend you dickless, hick reject, failure of a John Wayne wannabe!" she snapped back. She jumped to prop more downward force for a finishing blow.
AAAAGH!
Ralphie did the smart thing and put his hand in the way, the blade stabbing into his hand, and he let out a yell. Not expecting the move, Millie was caught off guard when he clenched his hand around hers, delivering a wicked haymaker that she couldn't dodge. Before she could recover, he was on her, delivering blow after blow to ensure the Hellborn stayed down.
When she finally stopped moving, Ralphie panted, whimpering as his groin once more reminded him that he was wounded. "She got me– Ooooh! She got me… real good," he groaned. He held his bleeding, knife-impaled hand to his chest, while the other one grabbed Millie by the hoof, dragging her as he limped his way to where he'd meet his wife.
Inside the House
Moxxie groaned as whatever had knocked him out started to wear off. He blinked tiredly, reaching up to rub his eyes before realizing that he couldn't move his arms. He was suddenly wide awake, sucking in stale air as he looked down at his chest. His arms were bound to his chest with rope, his forearms and wrists were tied behind his back.
Before he could start struggling in earnest, he noticed a boy and a girl standing just across from him, eyes red with sinister sharp grins. "Oh. Well hello little ones. Aren't you cute?" he commented nervously.
"It's nice to have a new critter to play with," they spoke in grinning tandem. Creepy. Very creepy.
Moxxie raised an eyebrow, but his confusion didn't last long as the room itself came into focus. Several human limbs were taxidermized on plaques, including a whole above-the-torso human head-mount, with its arms crossed; framed leathery stitched faces hung on the wall, one of which was framed by what looked like human bones; and a whole human hide with 'Bless This Mess' carved into it.
As the proverbial icing on the cake, in front of him was a whole human on platter positioned like a turkey, and tressed up with pineapple like a Christmas long-ham. There was even an apple shoved in the corpse's mouth, and the skin was crispy like it had been basted while baked. Not to mention the bowl of entrails off to the side.
To make matters just as bad, he was tied up on a chair shaped and fashioned from the corpse of a headless person.
"Oh… crumbs," he stated in belated realization. The worst part was… he was pretty sure they cooked it properly.
The Forest
BANG! BANG! BANG-BANG!
HUHAHAHA-HAAAA!
Wicked cackles echoed in the forest as Blitz vaulted a bush, running like his life depended on it. Which it did. Ducking further into the trees, he jumped and slid down a small ravine, hiding below a bush as he tried to catch his breath.
"I know yur hurtin' little devil!" Martha called out, her voice echoing around the woods.
He gulped, quickly scurrying into some bushes before he found a tree to hide behind. His chest expanded and contracted rapidly as he tried to catch his breath, his heart pounding so loud, he was only a little surprised that she couldn't hear it beating.
"I promise I can make that pain go real quick! ~Just come let Momma Martha~ put a bullet in yur pretty little skull!" she called out with sing-song mockery, passing not too far from his current hiding place.
After a moment of silence had passed. He slid down to the ground, as the events leading to this suddenly replayed in his head. "Shit. Shit. Shit!" he cursed under his breath.
'"I got'em."' Snow's dumbass words echoed in his head.
"The fuck you did, kid," he growled, pinching his eyes together to try and filter out the details. He couldn't think about it without a well of dread prompting that he probably didn't make it. He wasn't sure how many bullets that was, but unless he was a Sinner – which had been made clear on several occasions that he wasn't – he wasn't just going to spring back from that.
And that much blood– That much blood was never a good sign.
AAAAAGH!
The sounds of someone getting murderized rang out from his pocket. Desperately, he whipped it out, fumbling with it as he tried to shut it up. "God! Shit! Damn it!"
He finally got ahold of it, quickly answering before another slew of yells could call out. He only had one person set with that ringtone. "Stolas! This is the absolute worst time you could have called!"
"Mm, when isn't it a bad time, Blitzy?" he cooed over the phone.
"Ugh! What is it?!" he demanded, glancing around cautiously.
"A couple things actually. For starters, I've been meaning to follow-up on our last little conversation, regarding my grimoire."
Blitz paused, suddenly irritated. "What did you just call my dick?!"
"My book, Blitzy. The book I was given to do my job? That I have allowed you to use to do yours? That book."
Shk-Shk! BANG!
Blitz went from deadpan to shit as he ducked down, narrowly avoiding getting capped in the head as the tree he was hiding behind was hit.
"I can hear you darlin'!" Martha called out.
"Shit," he hissed, moving to find another hiding spot, thanks to this damned phone call.
"Any who, I've been thinking. You know I have been permitting you to access the mortal realm less-than… legally for some time, but I do need it back to fulfill my duties. I was thinking, what if we… worked out some kind of exchange? Favors for favors?"
BANG!
Blitz was panting all over again as he tried racing away. He was sick and tired of dodging literal – and in bird-dick's case, figurative – bullets.
"Doesn't that sound… enticing?"
"You gotta stop using your fancy-ass, rich people talk and speed this up, okay? I am in a literal, life-or-death crisis, and it's taking a surprising amount of focus to try and not get fucked in my A from either sides of this phone!" snapped Blitz.
BANG!
His eyes went wide and looked to the side, noticing he was just a few inches from getting his head blown off. And not in the fun way either.
"Then let me keep it simple: once a month, on the full moon, you return the book to me, followed by a night… of passionate fornication." Blitz shivered at the lust-filled cooing that promised a sore ass at the end of it. If that was good or bad, he wasn't sure. His focus was a little divided at the moment. "Aaand you get to keep it all the rest of the time, hm? Sound fair my little imp?"
Blitz jumped over some more bushes, half-praying to whatever higher demon would deliver him from this as he rolled behind another tree.
"Fine! Whatever!"
"Oh Blitzy! I'm so excited! I cannot wait to feel your slimy c**k inside of my ***."
Blitz winced as he went on, but quickly composed himself. "And what was the other thing you wanted to discuss," Blitz cut him off. Before he could really get going. Like reeeally go into detail. "You said there were a "couple" of things."
"Oh? Oh. Yes. I wanted to check and see how… oh what was he going by this time? Oh yes, silver. How is silver doing?"
"Who the fuck is silver?!" Blitz demanded, still on the move. Really? At this rate, he might as well surrender and hope for a more merciful firing squad.
"You know? Silver. Tall? Messy silver hair? Ghostly pale skin? The cutest red markings?"
Blitz paused and blinked as he processed that. "You mean Snow?"
"Is that what he's going by now? Snow? It's beautiful! Yes. I suppose I am asking how "Snow" is doing. Since neither of you have kept me up-to-date." Blitz noticed Stolas was using his sad-pouty voice, and it was grating on him. Considering what had happened, Blitz would rather not think about… all the blood.
"Good! Great! You know? Taking bullets for the team like a champ!" Blitz stated a little too cheerily, hoping he didn't sound too off. His horn was still sore from where he'd chucked him.
The pause almost echoed over the phone, and Blitz hoped he hadn't just botched this.
"Blitzy? Where is Snow?" Stolas no longer sounded playful, a deceptive kind of calm and collected reverberating through the phone speaker.
"Well– I– Uh– You see– Snow is– Uh–"
Blitz was cut off when the butt of a gun was shoved into this chest, lifting him up against a tree. He dropped his phone, but he couldn't help but feel some form of relief from not having to answer that.
"Gotcha!" Martha cackled. "So yur a little devil, huh? Come ta drag me an' my kin ta Hell? Well, not ta-day Satan!" She tightened the pressure she was putting on his chest. "Gonna send y'all back where ya came from!"
"Actually, you may have just saved me one helluva an awkward explanation," Blitz admitted, earning an eyebrow raise from Martha. She only loosened the pressure on him, just enough for an explanation. "That guy you and your purse-carrying douche of a husband shot? Yeah, the guy who lent him out to me was on the other end and asking questions.
"So you just saved my ass from getting reamed 'til it's tender. Literally."
"Is that all?" Martha asked in a bored tone.
"Huh? Oh, yeah. Go ahead and knock me out. That's how it usually goes in shitty movies in scenes like this." And then it went black.
After she hit him with the butt of her gun.
Inside the House
Moxxie struggled as those two spawns of evil approached. They made a little shit like Eddie purely angelic by comparison. Cannibalism? Really?! A soft flicker briefly distracted him, causing him to look up at the window. Firelight is lighting up. Whatever it meant, it wasn't good. Especially for…
"Millie!"
'What are you gonna do, Mox?' Snow's voice echoed in his head. 'What are you gonna do when they come after you, your wife, or any little implings you two might have?'
A soft, smoldering anger lit up in Moxxie's eyes, and he grit his teeth in a snarl.
The children continued to stare with their feral gazes. The girl pulled out a serrated knife. Whether she meant to kill or "play" with him, he didn't care, but he was so over this bullshit! His wife was in trouble! His eyes narrowed, and the moment she came close enough, his feet shot up, kicking off the table to push the chair back on her.
He hissed as he felt the knife blade nick his hand, but he'd seen a lot worse over the past couple hours, and he couldn't say he rightly cared about a little cut. Plus… he'd been bitten by Eddie before. Hardly a comparison.
He snagged the handle, using it to saw through his bonds before sitting up, looking around sharply. The little boy looked at him with fear in his eyes, and Moxxie decided to revel in that for a moment. The imp didn't hesitate to grab him by the scruff of his shirt, drag him over to the window, and proceeded to chuck him through it, before hoping through the broken glass himself.
Moxxie jogged to the front of the house, half expecting to see Snow there, but to his relief and worry, there was only a circle of grey ash stained red with blood. He hoped that he had gone after the others.
Without a weapon though, Moxxie couldn't help, but luckily, Blitz had dropped his rifle just outside the front window in the bushes, and Moxxie didn't hesitate to retrieve it, running hastily through a path of torches to save his friends.
The Forest
"I had that fucking shot. God damn it, Moxxie!" Blitz grumbled, even as Ralphie poured gasoline around the post he was tied to, the husband's hand now knife-free and bandaged up, though still soaking through. Millie was right next to him, struggling against their ties, but ultimately, they were held fast.
While Blitz now had a bruise next to his horn, Millie had a black eye and bruise on her cheek, looking like they'd both been through a ringer. They were currently in a small clearing, bordered by torches and strange, hand-crafted stick symbols that neither of them knew the meaning to.
There was no sign of Snow, or Moxxie. Neither of them was present, and Millie couldn't help but assume the worst. Snow had looked really bad last she saw him. And Moxxie… she only hoped that he had stayed hidden. Maybe if they were lucky, Moxxie was able to get Snow out of there.
Either way, it didn't bode well for them.
"Satan!" Martha called out, holding a torch of her own. "We return your filthy creatures back to the pits of Hell! May the root of evil remain honored as we continue thy work!"
Millie and Blitz struggled even more, but it was no use. Martha raised the torch before tossing it to their feet. Blitz pulled his feet away as the simple flame began spreading.
Poof!
The gasoline caught flame, immediately surrounding them both in flames as Martha and Ralphie watched on in sadistic glee. Meanwhile, both Blitz and Millie looked down at the root of the flames, half expecting it to hurt.
But it didn't.
So… bonus!
"Yeah, that's not exactly how it works, lady," Blitz mouthed off cockily. "Sorry, your fire doesn't hurt us. But I mean, I can fake it if that'll get your dick hard."
Millie chuckled lightly in relief. They might survive this yet. Just a little more, and the flames would take care of the ropes holding them. Then they could find Snow and Moxxie!
"Oh… shit!" Martha stated, somewhat at a loss. "Well, I'll just shoot ya in yur smart-ass mouth!"
"That would be more effective," Blitz admitted.
"Blitz!" Millie snapped. They had been so close. So. Fucking. Close.
Martha raised her double-barrel, cackling like a maniac, and neither Blitz nor Millie could watch themselves get shot. They pinched their eyes closed, hoping it would be over quickly at the very least.
"What the Hell?" Ralphie muttered.
Ah!
A soft blue-green gasp of light flickered into view, a soft pitching hum greeting its appearance, whispering like a soft sigh.
"The Hell?" Martha exclaimed, her aim dropping as she looked at the floating light.
It almost seemed to dance as it swayed back and forth, ethereal, as if mist. Yet it appeared to have a vague semblance of shape.
"Um… honey, is that supposed to be a sign or something?" Ralphie asked, not sure what the Satanic protocol was here.
Ah! Hyee! Oh!
One by one, more soft lights began to flicker into existence. And one by one, they surrounded the still burning demons. By now, the ropes had burned off, but they could only stand in awe-fascinated wonder as a ring of these lights boxed them in. Also, they were creepy. So there was that too.
And suddenly, the fire flickered. The orangish flame began to grow brighter, before it suddenly erupted into white flames, tinged blue as they licked at the demons in their grasp.
Millie and Blitz started, but didn't move, realizing that this fire wasn't burning them either. If anything, it was pleasantly warm.
"Oh Satan!" Martha called out, almost bowing down out of reverence to the powers and wonders at work. "We beseech thee! Take back your creatures! Return them to the fold so we may continue to work in honor of your greatness!"
"It's not Satan you have to deal with!"
BANG!
Blitz and Millie flinched at the sound, half-expecting to get shot. Instead, Martha's head was blown off, sending her eye, and parts of pink grey-matter flying. And at the other end of it was….
"It's me, you bitch!"
"Moxxie!" Millie greeted happily, misty eyed as Moxxie ran over, ignoring the floating creatures as he gently set down his gun before opening his arms to scoop up his wife. Millie didn't hesitate to jump into them, wrapping her legs around his hips as their lips mashing together joyfully.
When they finally separated for a moment, Millie held his cheek while looking straight into his eyes. "We're so borrowing the shower when we get back!" she purred lustfully.
"Let's actually get cleaned up first, babe," he insisted, gently brushing his hand over the bruises on her face, the wounds seeming to physically hurt him, and in the process, reveal the light cuts he had on his fingers.
"Baby, I'm fine," she reassured, stroking his cheek. "I used ta get in fist-fights all the time when I was a tot." It was clear that Moxxie didn't agree, but let it go when she started taking his wounded fingers one-by-one and kissing them.
"Ugh! You're not getting your goddamned paycheck for this one, Mox!" Blitz growled, stepping cautiously out of the blue flames, and eyeing those little… thingies… suspiciously.
Huh!
"Yeahyeahyeah, shut up," he growled at one of the floating lights as it sighed. "Now where is Crack-Stack?!"
None of them noticed Ralphie trying to sneak away, even as he tripped over the now cooling corpse of this headless wife.
Hum! Ha! Mmuh!
The greenish-blue lights began congregating, their leaving indicated by the sudden extinguishing of the fire pile, leaving only torch light. Each lined up one by one as they danced and swirled back toward the forest, humming and swaying to some unknowable tune.
And right into the hobbling Snow.
"Snow!" Millie and Moxxie called.
"High Blow?!" Blitz called in tandem.
Snow ignored them in favor of the blue-green lights as he slowly and methodically crouched down, all of them gathered around him, like children to a storyteller.
"Thank you, for stalling and protecting my friends," he said, gently brushing a hand over the lights. His broken left arm was currently slinged up with his trench coat, leaving his chest exposed yet again.
They hummed and sighed in evident approval of his thanks, before one by one, flickering out. Snow smiled softly at their fading, before finally wincing. He leaned against a tree, using it to stabilize himself as he tried to stand to his feet.
"Snow!" Millie and Moxxie were already separated and bolting toward him, both prepared to brace him should he fall. He was a bit taller than them, so lifting him up would be a… challenge.
He smirked painfully at them, pulling one arm close to his chest as he finally made it solidly to his feet. "I'm gonna need the strongest booze Hell has after today."
"Just what the fuck were those?" Blitz asked, much more reserved now that he was getting a good look at his employee. The brief summary: he looked like a shit took a shit, then smeared its shitty child over a bathroom mirror. Then he looked in said mirror.
"Fairy lights," he answered, hobbling into the clearing, the husband-and-wife duo hovering nearby just in case. "Among the lowest spirits of the Mortal Realm. Guides and mischief makers, mostly. But there are a few… more malicious types. More commonly known, as Wisps."
"You have no idea how little that actually answers," Blitz stated. "Just how the Hell did you summon them?"
"I didn't summon them," Snow stated, almost offended at the idea. "I asked them nicely."
"You mean like the towel this morning?!" Blitz demanded.
"Exactly like that," Snow answered with semi-taunting smirk. He was a little hurt, and didn't want to piss off his only ticket back to Hell. At least, not entirely. It didn't last long though, as he winced. "But seriously, I'm gonna need that booze."
"I'm sorry, guys," Moxxie apologized, looking down slightly. "I compromised our objective and put us in harms way. It won't happen again. I promise."
"Next time, just toss the spider," Snow stated, ruffling Moxxie's hair with his good hand. "Or better yet, let Millie get it."
"Heheh. Right," Moxxie winced.
"Apology accepted!" Blitz said in a happy tone, before pulling Moxxie into a hug. His tone suddenly turned dark and threatening. "But if you ever pull a stunt like that again, I will fuck you and your– Mm-frm-hmm? Mm-frm-hmm!"
Snow snagged Blitz by the face, pushing him away from the smaller imp, saving Moxxie before he could be truly and utterly scarred. "O-kay. He got the point. Call Loona please. The sooner we get home, the sooner we get paid."
Blitz sniveled as he dug around in his pocket to pull out a spare phone, since he'd lost the original in the woods. He pulled out a squeaky-horse, which he looked at fondly, before putting it back and searching around again. Finally finding the infernal device, he pulled it out.
"Eh… yeah. Give me a moment. I need to get something I left at the house," Moxxie stated.
"Okay, fine, just hurry it up," Blitz ordered, quickly dialing and calling. "Loona! We're ready to come home dear!"
Snow sighed as the imp left. It seemed that Moxxie was still too soft.
"I'll go after him and make sure he doesn't hurt himself," Snow stated. "Plus… you never know. They might have some cash-stash that'll make this whole thing worth it." Secondary objective, of course.
"What about you?" Millie asked.
He paused for a moment, not as used to people caring for his well-being as he'd like to think.
"Oh– I'm all good," he reassured. "I can still kick ass if need be."
She didn't look convinced, but nodded anyway.
"Just hurry the fuck back, okay. We're not gonna wait here forever," Blitz grouched, only getting a nod from the pale human before he followed after Moxxie.
Being kind was all well and good. It was fine even. He was sure Millie preferred it that anyway. But only a monster could kill monsters. And someone had to be the monster here. And if there was one thing that Snow was good at, it was being the monster. And Moxxie… Moxxie just didn't have the heart of a monster.
And Snow would never ask him to be.
Inside the House
Moxxie had trudged back through the forest to the house, fully intent on doing things his way. This mission had been a huge wakeup call, of sorts. Whatever lesson his wife and Snow had tried to instill in him, it had finally sank in. Cement shoes and everything.
The moment he'd seen his wife tied to that stake, about to be shot by that bitch of a human, Moxxie hadn't hesitated to blow the head off her attacker. His feelings on the matter be damned if he lost the one person in all of Creation that made feeling worth it.
Funnily enough, he stepped right through the half opened front door, walking in as Ralphie was gathering up his kids.
Shk-Shk!
He cocked his gun out of reflex, not wanting to be left unprepared without a bullet in the chamber in case something went awry. "Don't move!"
Ralphie opened his mouth, but Moxxie snarled, silencing the human before he could say anything.
"Now listen up, and listen good," Moxxie stated, "I have had one Hell of a day. By all rights, I would be doing the sorted world a favor by killing all of you. You people are monsters! And you turned your kids into monsters too! And that's coming from a demon!"
He took a deep breath before looking at them once more, a little calmer for his efforts. "But… you should have a chance at a life and a purpose. Look at your children. They have their whole future ahead of them. You are going to fix your crimes justly!"
Ralphie held his children closer at that, and Moxxie only hoped that he took his words to heart. And that he didn't take his mercy for granted.
Moxxie reached over, blindly grabbing the nearest device he could. "I will call your Earthly authorities, and they will make sure you are dealt with fairly."
He clicked on the device he'd picked up, starting when he realized the tv in the other room had turned on. He looked down at the strange device, not sure exactly what it was, but knowing it wasn't a phone he'd picked up. "Oh shit. Uh, do you, uh– do you have a phone to summon 911?"
"Yeah, it's in the kitchen," Ralphie stated, gesturing with his thumb.
"Then… what is this for?"
"It's a universal remote," Ralphie answered, hugging his kids closer. "Got it for the kids."
"Aww," Moxxie cooed.
It was a simple matter to call the police. And Moxxie had a feeling they'd be there in a hurry. Cannibalism, Satanic occultism, murder, dead bodies, human taxidermy. What else? He wasn't sure, but any forensics investigators would have a field day! They had a lot to make up for, and God only knew if they'd be able to.
He walked away from the scene a little lighter, unaware of the shadow that had slinked into the house behind him.
Snow held no expectation for the state of this family as he walked into the house, save that he knew Moxxie wouldn't kill them. He understood his motives. He really did. But no amount of repentance would make up for the pain, suffering, misery, and terror these people had caused to all their victims. And their families. And even if they said they'd play nice, old habits – and especially old tastes – died hard.
They were a disease, and they had passed it on to their children. And the only way to get rid of a disease was to burn it out. Subtly.
Ralphie stopped fast at seeing him, getting his kids all packed up with their little backpacks, probably preparing for Child Protective Services to take them once he was arrested. If they all weren't locked away for public safety.
"An' wha'do you want?" Ralphie asked, his kids hiding behind him, the man looking somewhat glum, or bitter. "The little guy already called the police."
Snow regarded him. In another life, in another time, if he hadn't spent his entire lifetime exposed to the horror's Hell had to offer, he might have felt sorry for him. But as it was, humans had this nasty habit of making their own beds, then complaining when the consequences bit them in the ass.
But even just looking back over this remote house in the middle of the woods, he noticed the signs. A child's head mounted on a plaque in hall from the dining room, a lamp stand made of what appeared to be a human spine with the shader comprised of stitched skin, some of the picture frames appeared to be made of alarmingly small bones. He even noticed human hair woven into the bolo tie around Ralphie's neck.
And that was just what he could see.
These people weren't just cannibals. They took trophies. Fashioned macabre utility using parts of their victims. And openly wore their evils in public. They didn't just reveled in their destruction, they openly celebrated it. Craved it. And then acted like saints while they flaunted it.
Hell– Hell was too good for the likes of them.
Ralphie's eyes seemed drawn to something in particular as they narrowed thoughtfully. "That scar on your shoulder… I know when a patch of skin's been peeled off. Clear to the muscle it looks like. So who ripped that off ya?"
Snow regarded his question silently for a moment as he looked down at the scar in question. A long but narrow rectangle of scar-tissue was indeed on his right shoulder, slightly indented unevenly into his flesh. It figured a cannibal - and probably someone who had skinned his victims – would notice the difference between the cut of his hide. And the fact he did know the difference only made his angrier.
"Cut it off myself," he finally answered coldly, surprising the cannibal male and his offspring. "When your entire identity can be transcribed from a single tattoo, it makes it really hard to hide."
"A tattoo? But it's so narrow," Ralphie stated. "Almost like a–"
"Name?" Snow finished for him. "That's because it was." His eyes narrowed, his good hand coming up and drawing his katana. The sheen was like silver, and yet it glowed with a soft blue in the lamp light.
"It was my name." A handful of words had never sounded so hateful, so bitter, or so malicious as the cold turned pure fiery rage. His eyes slit as their blue glow turned to wrath. His teeth sharpened and his gaze was as honed as his edge. It took all his self-control as it was not for his true form to rip out of his human illusion. To tear them apart with his own hands and teeth. To revel in the vengeance and justice their victims cried out for, cast upon them as he spilled their blood.
But he didn't want to have to cleanse his body of their disgusting, tainted blood.
It didn't hurt that his amulet was burning into chest, as if sensing his desires.
"Caz… time to eat," he ordered.
The light reflecting off his katana changed, its glow erupting from blue to red as the white branching patterns of the hard-metal altered into black fiery patterns.
None would ever hear them scream. He'd give them that much: a quick and silent death. No chance to beg. It was a mercy in and of itself to deny them the chance to cry for the mercy they had denied their victims. It was more than they could ever deserve. And when the police came, they wouldn't find the bodies. Only splatters of blood, and the clothing they had worn.
Besides, there were a few things they had that they wouldn't be needing any more once he was finished.
The Forest
Moxxie approached the other imps, the red haze of a portal awaiting them.
"There he is. You and Snow have a good wank off session?!" Blitz asked intrudingly.
"Excuse me?"
"Look I don't care where either of you cum in the living world, just make sure you both come to your job on time," Blitz instructed for nth time, poking at Moxxie's bowtie for emphasis.
"I haven't seen Sn–"
"Sorry!" They turned to see Snow huffing, slightly out of breath. "Just had to grab a couple things."
"Like what?" Blitz demanded, his hip popping to one side with sass. "You licking up whatever you and Mox pumped out?"
"Like, how 'bout, draining every penny they had?" Snow smirked with a raised eyebrow, gingerly reaching under his trench coat sling to pull out but one of the crisp stacks of American Dollar bills, all nicely wrapped up. "And there's more where this came from. Even got the bank transfer shit from that horror room they called an office. All we gotta do is wire it. And since we're in Hell… untraceable."
"I thought you were backing up Moxxie?" Millie asked, a little put out by that.
"Back up?" Moxxie questioned, looking down in thought. "I didn't even notice him."
"I was," he answered, "but, once I saw he had it under control, I moved in for the goods. Besides, I doubt the client would be able to pay a bonus for the level of tom-fuckery we just went through." Of course, that wasn't all he had been doing.
"Now why would we need human money? That shit's worthless in Hell!" Blitz asked, wondering what the point was.
"Millions in pumpkin spice," Snow answered, bordering between serious and sarcastic. He didn't care, he just had to get Blitz to care. "It's a seasonal flavor, but humans love that shit.
"Plus… you know… a shit-ton of bullets or whatever. Those get expensive, right?"
"Hmm. Not bad at all Sugar Roll-up," Blitz approved as he ran the fresh stack of bills Snow had handed him across his nose with a sniff. "Not bad at all. We'll pick this up at the office."
And with that, Blitz stepped through the portal.
Millie approached, running a hand along Moxxie's cheek. "You doin' okay, sweetie?"
"Better now, honey," he reassured. "I think I just needed a minute to process."
"You have a good heart honey," she said, putting a hand to his chest. "Just a fuzzy head." She pinched his cheek playfully before pecking him on the lip, causing a wistful smile to break out on his face.
If that had been all, he would have been a happy imp, but Millie decided to walk away with a sinful little pop to her hips and sway to her tail just before she crossed over the portal, causing Moxxie to follow her on instinct.
He had almost crossed back into Hell when he heard helicopter rotors and police sirens, turning back around to see the house was surrounded by ATV's mounted with flashing red and blue lights, and an Apache attack helicopter hovering over the house.
"We got'em boys!" shouted over the loudspeaker. "Light them up!"
A line of muzzle flash lit up as automatic and assault weapons discharged into the house, riddling the siding with gradually enlarging holes being punched into it. The term 'excessive force' was an apt description.
Moxxie watched with wide, stunned eyes, his mouth agape in smothered horror. This– This wasn't supposed to be how it went.
After a solid minute of near nonstop bullet fire, the Apache finished it off by unleashing a burst fire of air-to-surface missiles that blew whatever remained of the tilting house to kingdom come. Even the foundation – and probably all the evidence in the basement – was crumbling to bits before anything that remained was suddenly engulfed in all-American glorious napalm. Lots and lots of napalm.
"Well… I think 'disappointing' is the word I'd use." Moxxie looked to his side to see Snow staring eerily at the scene with an inhuman sense of indifference as the violent light cast across his face.
"The– They– They blew them up," Moxxie choked out, his breathing picking up. Before he could get started, Snow put his good hand on Moxxie's shoulder, forcefully drawing out the imp's panic like venom from a wound. A very fresh wound. "Th– The kids."
"You gave them an opportunity no one else did, or would," Snow stated simply, knowing full-well that he himself hadn't. And never would have. If anything, he had given them the better death compared to what these… creatures… would have given them. All those police and whatnot had done was cover it up for him. "It's not your fault. If anything, you left them better off than they had been."
Moxxie turned to him, tears prickling at his eyes, but not sure what he meant.
"You showed them mercy," Snow smiled softly. "You gave them the opportunity at redemption. You didn't fuck that up."
'No. I did enough of that on my own,' he added silently. Did he feel remorse for killing them? Not a chance in Hell. The humans had that coming, and more. But Moxxie feeling the way he did pulled on a peculiar heartstring, one that hadn't been plucked in years.
Moxxie nodded, understanding a little as he looked down, noticing the head of teddy bear that had been blown all the way over to them. He picked it up, looking at the simple design, the scorched stuffing and charred edges. Sniffing, he held the broken vestige close to his chest.
Snow quietly guided him toward the portal. "C'mon. They're waiting for us."
The imp nodded hastily, sniffing back any snot and quickly wiping away any unformed tears. "R-Right."
As he disappeared through the portal, Snow took a moment to look back at the wreckage and smoldering fires that continued to burn uninterrupted. His hand came up, a softer glow to his eyes as the fires faded before extinguishing with smoldering hisses. There was no need to burn down the forest, or endanger the inhabitants that dwelled secretly within it's hidden coves and clearings. Even the animals deserved better than what these humans had left for them.
Yeah. Moxxie's pain would be his only regret out of this whole endeavor.
He took a moment to look up at the emerging stars in the night. And he glared at them from their place in the heavens.
Then he stepped back through the portal.
I.M.P. Headquarters
As soon as he stepped through the portal, Snow took a moment to clear his head, closing his eyes as the red haze faded. It was good to be back. He couldn't wait to sleep for a solid eight hours. Hopefully this time, uninterrupted.
And booze. Lots of booze.
"What the Hell happened to you guys?" Eddie asked, laying on the couch with the drollest bored look on his face. Between Millie's bruised face, the rope marks on Moxxie's wrist and cuts on his fingers, the bruise near Blitz's horn, and the makeshift sling on Snow, they must have looked like they'd gone through the ringer.
"The fuck?! You guys were supposed to be back over an hour ago!" Loona demanded, a recently discarded magazine on her desk.
"Well, shit happened," Blitz mumbled. "Ol' Sniff over here nearly ripped one of my horns off."
"But it also kept you from getting shot," Snow stated as he walked over to the couch. "And Millie nearly got caught too, so stop your bitchin'." Eddie froze at Snow's approach, only for Snow to plop down next to him in exhaustion, using his good hand to pat the top of the little Sinner's horns.
"The target was a… little more than we were expectin'," Millie minimized, looking over Moxxie worriedly as he dragged his feet from where the portal had been.
"What's that mean?" Loona asked curiously, not sure what the nervous looks were for. On top of that, they looked like they were a minute or so from passing out.
"Target was the matriarch of a family of cannibals," Snow answered with a sigh.
"Like, how bad? Texas Chainsaw Massacre -bad, Hannibal -bad or…" Eddie trailed off with interest.
"I don't know what those are, but the fact your using them in relation to cannibals makes me worry about what you were watching up on Earth, brat," Snow stated. sounding… so exhausted, running his good hand through his hair to clear it from his eyes. "But it was bad. We almost became dinner."
"And who's fault is that?! If Moxxie hadn't fucked it up–!"
"ENOUGH!" They all froze at Snow's snarl, and the wince that came out through his glowing eyes. "Just enough already. We've all had a day-and-a-half, and it's not even…." He trailed off as he looked up at the clock. "…It's barely afternoon Hell-time. And I still need to set my arm set and this last bullet out of my back."
"Wait, you were shot?!" Loona demanded, bristling at his nonchalance, just then noticing the blood that was staining his slinged-up coat. "The fuck, dude!"
"Four times actually," Snow stated. "I got out three of them."
"Ugh!" Blitz groaned, pinching between his eyes. "Fine! Everybody, take the rest of the day off! We're not in the condition to take another client anyway."
"Blitz."
"WHAT?!" Blitz snapped, swinging back toward Snow. He stopped fast when a bag flew at him from seemingly nowhere. "The fuck is this?"
"For the 'pumpkin spice fund'," Snow grinned tiredly. "Make sure you at least buy some muffins for the rest of us though. The chocolate chip pumpkin spice kind."
Suddenly curious, Blitz unzipped the bag, only to see it over half-filled with some fat-stacks in American bills and a note with the written bank transfer shit.
Their boss just sighed, even though he accepted it. "Just… get your shit together, Snow. We need all hands on deck." The head imp quietly retreated into his office with the bag of cash, leaving the rest of them alone.
"Di– Did he just call you by your name?" Moxxie asked, his previous sadness muted as confusion swept over his features.
"Miracles do happen. I'll take it," Snow humored sarcastically, groaning as he sat up. "You guys gonna be okay?"
"Yeah. Nothin' a little bit of witch-hazel an' love won't fix," Millie stated, bringing one of Moxxie's wrists up to her lips. "And maybe a shower."
Moxxie's cheeks turned pink as he looked away, scratching the back of his neck.
"You guys do that," Snow encouraged with a little shooing motion and a less-than subtle wink. "I'll watch after the kid until you two are done."
Millie squealed giddily, lifting Moxxie up in a bridal carry as she pulled them toward the bathroom. Moxxie shot back an appreciative look.
"But why?" Eddie demanded cautiously as the married couple kicked the bathroom door closed behind them.
"Because they probably haven't had a lot of 'alone time' together since they've been housing you. They've only been able to act all "lovey-dovey," when you're around," Snow answered, causing Eddie to blush in understanding. What made it funnier was he could already hear the water going and the shuffling of them ripping each other's close off from behind the door. He quickly tuned down his hearing so he didn't end up intruding.
He flinched as Loona stomped over to him, her fur still bristled like a tightly coiled spring. "Where is it?!" she demanded. When Snow didn't immediately answer, she growled. "Either tell me, or I will punch you in the bad arm!"
Snow started turning, "Geez woman! Threaten me with further bodily harm why don't ya." He showed her his exposed back, and the myriad of scars layering over each other. "Hey Eddie, while she's dealing with that, I need a hand with something." Kid didn't need to see Loona dig out the bullet.
Curious but cautious, the little gremlin, moved to Snow's front, eyeing him suspiciously. "What do you want?"
Snow smirked as he gently untied the sleeve of his sling, carefully cradling his arm as the bloodied coat fell away. It still smarted though, despite how careful he was being. "I just need you to help me set my arm."
"WHAT?!" he shrieked, only to get smacked atop the head by Loona's fist.
"Shut the fuck up you little shit-stain!" she snapped, rubbing her ears. "I don't need you fucking me up while I'm digging this out." Her hands were already braced against his back, near the last entrance wound. "God, your lucky you didn't bleed all over the couch. Blitz would have a field day."
"Don't worry," Snow said, ignoring that as he patted Eddie on the head. "I just need you to hold it up. I'll do the rest."
Eddie cringed as he eyed the swollen and discolored flesh around the albino's wrist, looking unsure. It looked even worse because of his skin was whiter than paper.
"If it's too much, it's fine," Snow reassured. "But if not, I need you to go to the conference room for a few minutes. It's not going to sound or look pretty."
Eddie nodded, quickly moving away before they could get well and truly started. Snow didn't blame the kid. It was an ugly process. Both he and Loona waited for the soft click of the door before they continued.
"You should have made him stay. He has to get used to it sooner or later." Loona's hands were soft and careful as she looked over the dried and drying blood on his back.
"It's been a rough enough day," Snow countered softly, sighing as he calmed the tension in his body. "I don't need anything else on my conscience."
He could feel her head tilt in curiosity at that, but she didn't ask. Not that he would have answered anyway. "This might hurt."
"Might?" he teased, earning a huff of exasperation.
"Fine! This will hurt. Happy?!"
'More than you'd think.' He could have patched himself up just fine. It would have hurt like Hell, but he was used to it at this rate. He'd done his own first, second, and third aide for years. He'd had to.
But having someone else do it… it felt nice.
The moment her claws jammed into his back, he about keeled over, his eyes almost popping out of his head in surprise. Nothing to say about the "doctoring" he was receiving, he groaned as he tried not to growl through his teeth.
"We can start this process over if you like. Now stop moving," Loona ordered, her claws still reaching a little further and even further still into his flesh.
"Yes ma'am," he teased, only barely straining out a wincing smile. He had to hold back a jerk as she pressed a little harder.
"You're lucky you know," she said, pulling a dentist as she continued to talk while not allowing him to. "It could have hit your spine. Or a vital organ. Not to mention the damage ripping out your own bullets might do."
And he'd been shot four times, and ripped out three. She had no idea how lucky he was. Or was it a curse? If death continued to haunt your steps, but was substituted out for excruciating pain at the last possible second, did that make it luck, or just prolonged suffering?
"I got it," she informed him, surprising him at just how calm she was under the circumstances.
He opened his mouth to respond, only to feel his nerves explode.
RRAAAAAAGGHH!
His true teeth almost ripped out of his disguised jaw as they gnashed, and his claws pierced into the couch cushions as his hands tensed. It took every ounce of willpower not to send out a burst of magic or for a flurry of fur to erupt from his disguise. Almost instantly, he felt his skin knitting back together, itching like a thousand ants crawling in and throughout the wound. His breaths were gasping as the waves of racking pain slowly subsided.
"Shit!" Loona marveled, her hand bracing around his repairing wound as she watched it heal rapidly. "That's… so weird."
"Just exceptional demon physiology and really good genes at work," he joked, trying to give his best smile. He froze though when she ran a hand over his back. "I've healed fast for as long as I could remember." And if he forgot something, it was because he jammed it so far back into the darkness that it would take God or one helluva therapist to drag it back out. Or maybe he was drawing a blank because of... how close she was.
"Not fast enough," she commented softly. Her hands were soft, her claws briskly trailing across his skin, but her manner was more curious than invasive. "Where did you get all these?"
He shivered when she traced a particularly painful memory between his spine and his hip. "Take your pick: a job gone wrong, a particularly nasty asshole, someone who wanted me dead, someone paying someone else to kill me. The list goes on and on."
"But your whole back?" she asked. Whether or not she knew it, she brushed another particularly sensitive memory. "Burns, cuts, slashes, a few stab wounds, claw marks, even a couple bite marks. Dude." She didn't even mention the ones that looked like small chunks had been torn out, pocketing silvery marks on his skin. "You look like Hell."
"Well… I didn't usually have someone watching my back," he answered with a small snort at her joke, swallowing thickly as her fingers continued to explore, his skin prickling with sensitivity. "Much easier to get hurt that way. I didn't always heal this fast, and some wounds were harder to heal than others… but scars or not, I always heal. It's one of the reasons I use a human disguise. Less attention, and few demons who know what I look like."
Loona wasn't fooled though. She could feel the tension riddling through his back. But he was right. There wasn't any sign he'd been shot. But if that was the case, how much had he actually been wounded if he could heal without leaving a mark now? These were just the visible ones that had happened at a time when he couldn't heal as well as he did now.
Someone much younger than he was now.
And so many of them on his back.
She cocked her head curiously at one on his right shoulder, the shape much... intentional... than the others, almost by design. Too evenly shaped, much deeper than the others save for some of the torn chunks, almost like someone had cut away a patch of his skin. Not thinking anything of it, she brushed a finger across one of his worst memories.
"What happened h–?"
CRACK!
His hand shot around, holding her wrist in a firm grip, the rapidly fading swelling and bruising disappearing from the previously broken arm as it forcefully realigned itself. He didn't even flinch, if he even felt it at all. She barely noticed it as she caught his gaze, wide blue eyes staring desperately into hers. His chin dipped helplessly, his lips parting as they tried to form words. But for once, they seemed scarce.
"P-Please…," he breathed out.
"Please… don't."
Author's Note: Reviews appreciated for things you like, or things to criticize! Please remember to keep it constructive. ^^
Ah! Good to get that out. Obviously, I changed some stuff.
It kinda felt like they did Millie a bit dirty in Episode 1. And I get it: time constraints, animation, voice acting, sound alignment, paying the people dealing with those things, and probably a lot less funding taking place that early in the show. It's a lot to take care of. So, since this is Fanfic, I took care of that. First off, Millie actually appears in the bushes under the window. I noticed this early on, but it felt like she was non-existent right up until they were scattering, so... that was fixed. Plus, for someone of Millie's supposed combat expertise, weapon mastery, and kickassery, her combat style seemed kinda clunky and straight-forward (again, I get that there were probably some animation constraints) for wielding a knife against someone who had a far longer reach than her, especially since she's shown flipping away as she dodged Ralphie's shots. So I gave her a bit more of a acrobatic/parkour/agile take on her combat.
Bullets don't blast holes through walls, much less through log cabin walls. Not even shotguns. I know that Helluva Boss is a cartoon, but I always enjoy at least a bare-minimum sense of realism with my stories. And there was literally a window over the imps... might as well use it. So that was changed a bit.
Ralphie's end of the fight with Millie was made to match her altered combat. Getting kicked in the balls would floor most guys... right up until the adrenaline kicked in. Anger plus self-preservation plus protect the cajones actively numbs a person enough to fight back. Self-preservation is also a funny thing. When it kicks in, most people don't expect you to block otherwise deadly attacks with your own body; in Ralphie's case, his hand. So yeah, both of them got in some good hits, but Ralphie ultimately had more advantages stacking.
Yes, Blitz dodged a couple bullets with Stolas. First the excessive bleeping, and then having to explain that Snow literally took bullets for them.
If you watch carefully in the Episode, you'll see the silhouette of one of the kids getting chucked through the window after Moxxie cuts himself free. I thought it would be pretty neat to showcase this a little.
How do you grow attached to the characters? You let them get hurt. Snow got his arm broke and shot, Moxxie cut his fingers and has rope marks, Millie took several wallops to the face, and Blitz got clubbed. One of the things I love about Helluva Boss is it's psychological characterization, but I think sometimes the characters come across as so skilled that they're near invincible sometimes. Letting those physical wounds show is sometimes just as - if not more - powerful than demonstrating their psychological wounds. "We all bleed the same". No matter how skilled, strong, or powerful you are, sometimes you're gonna get hurt. Especially when outnumbered, outskilled, or just flatout surprised. Jackie Chan's movies were great at showing Jackie getting hit in every fight scene, as was John Wick by letting our doggo-boiio get shot, stabbed, punched, etc. And I wanted to reflect a little of that spirit in this. To me, it makes the characters more
The scene with Snow confronting the remanents of the family was harder for me to write than I thought. Not so much the typing part, but the feel of that scene left the story almost... darker from Snows perspective. Some of the human-parts decorations were visible in the episode, but I added a few more to further that sense of using parts of their victims. In all honesty, I may have grossed myself out. It added an element that makes Snow's actions justifiable, but at the same time further validates some of Moxxie's points. Neither of them are technically wrong, whether to destroy or spare the family, each of them just perceives things differently and I think the contrast is what helps validate what each of them feels, even if Snow is still largely a mystery.
In the show, the house is backwoods and no visible road is leading to or from it. So how the Hell did the police drive their cars there? There's no way they're built for back roads and dirt treks. I took a more plausible approach and had the police show up via fancy police ATV's, but the helicopter stayed. After that... it was just about over-excessive gratuitous violence.
Human currency was a funny thing I realized might come up. According to what Vivziepop has shown us, Hell has it's own currency (Souls), but it always seemed enough shit was happening to their funds: whether Blitz was outright skimming their paychecks, or the building kept getting damaged. Plus several characters made comments about "free-lance" work that made it clear it's not as profitable as we would think (unless I.M.P. just functions differently). And yet they still need to stay supplied with ammunition or whatever. So how are they getting the funds. Hence, the perfect moment to stereotype America. Also... chocolate chip pumpkin spice muffins.
Heads-up: I'm not sure how often I'll be posting these yet, but I'm thinking that I'd love to add this to my regularly updated stories. I have a good start, Vivziepop isn't going to stop making content any time soon by the sounds of it, and I have some original content to work with in between. It's looking promising, but we'll see.