Helluva Hire - Waking that Which Slumbers

by SteinMon1920518

Remember: interview your new employees before you hire them, ask them what applicable skills they have, don't ask why they use a human disguise in Hell. And yes, it's okay to wonder how they know an Ars Goetia. Just make sure your wallet is still in your pocket and they don't try seducing your receptionist.

6. Chapter 5: Family Outings Sorta

A/N: I'm back! And now! For the start of Loo Loo Land!

That being read, I welcome your Reviews. If you have criticisms, I welcome those too. Please keep them constructive. I want to grow as an author, and I can't do that if people aren't willing to critique, or only want to tear me down. I'm not here to please everybody, but I am here to learn. There is a method to my madness, even if I don't always fully understand it. 90% of what I write, I don't write baselessly. If there is something not canon or changed from canon, there is generally a reason. If something doesn't make sense, feel free to let me know (constructively), and as long as it doesn't creep into SPOILER! territory, I'll do my best to explain it.

WARNING: This is rated M for a reason. In keeping with the spirit of Helluva Boss, there will be copious amounts of Murder, Brutal Violence, Senseless Violence, Child Violence, Gender-Equal Violence, Accidental Violence, Robot Violence, Drugs, Hard Drugs, Soft Drugs, Prescription Drugs, All-Natural Drugs, "All Natural" Drugs, Alcohol, Blood, Gore, Visceral, Dissection, the occasional slow-crunch of Bones, and Cannibals contributing to said "slow-crunch", Physical Abuse, Mental Abuse, Emotional Abuse, Language, Offensive Language, non-Politically Correct Language, possibly butchered attempts at Foreign Language, Horny Demons, Hornier Humans, even Hornier Furries, and any number of things the average law-abiding citizen might consider "distasteful", but that I find hilarious because laughter is easier than being angry at people or the world all the time.

This story is not for people who are easily offended, are offended on other people's behalf when they really don't give a shit, squeamish around violence, think sex is naughty, or think jokes are like dicks and take them way too hard. You know the drill (haha! I just got that!)

If you don't like it, DON'T READ IT!

This is for Adults, or for any of you below the age of 18 who are so desensitized to this stuff because your parents never cared about your mental sanctity (Wow! Already getting in the spirit of things and insulting people! Noice!). All the same, Reader Discretion is Advised. (God I love this pre-story warning!)

But! Because this is my first "real" attempt at such mature content, don't expect me to dive head-first into 'X-rated' stuff. Or even dabble. No dabbling. That's not the vibe I got from Helluva Boss. That, and my mother would burn me at the stake if I did. Love you Mom!

Review Responses:

- "Guest" 1: All in good time, and I'm looking forward to writing it.

P.S. I'd give ya a Spoiler warning, but I'm gonna go ahead and say hard NO for varies reasons. Both have their slew of non-conjoined issues, but the apparent issues that cropped up in conjunction with their former relationship, and both of their selfish and petty attitudes toward each other tell me that if they did try again, they'd be Hella toxic as a couple. Just... no. Bad idea.

- Boss Teal: They're interesting, that's for sure. And I'm pretty sure that's in the disclaimer.

- "Guest" 2: Updated!

*End of Responses

Disclaimer: I don't own Helluva Boss, Hazbin Hotel, or any of its subsidiaries. Those rights belong exclusively to Vivziepop, and anyone else who had a hand in it's creation. I just get to enjoy it for all it's worth.

I would also like to point out that I don't own any other media or content that may be mentioned as further enrichment to the story.

Without further ado. *Que the dimming of the lights*

---

Chapter 5: Family Outings... Sorta

House Stolas

Her dreams had been so pleasant. So peaceful. Simpler times. Happier times even.

CRASH!

"I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU SLEPT WITH AN IMP! IN OUR FUCKING BED!"

Uuuuu-uuuuuuu-uuuuu-uuuu-uuuugh!

But! Those times were long gone.

Octavia let out a long groan as she was rudely awakened, eyes attempting to burn a hole in the ceiling as she flipped over with a flop. Had her supposed Goetia powers awakened, then there might have been a pretty little char spot.

"It wasn't expected! I didn't have time to go to a motel!"

She rose from her bed slowly. Like a vampire. If vampires had RBF and a distinct taste for mice. She blinked slowly before looking over at the clock on her nightstand, muttering, "You guys couldn't have waited until after six? Eight at the latest?"

"A MOTEL?! LIKE A FUCKING PLEABIAN?!"

With a sigh, the owlet snagged her phone from her nightstand, quickly swiping off any alarms she might have had set in case she actually got to sleep in – for once – and plugging in her headphones.

She was a lanky owl demon. Her dark grey feathers unkept, white-framed face, her sclera and irises singular as they shimmering pink with bright egg-shell pupils, two birthmarks slashing under each eye.

Skirting out of bed in little else but an oversized black t-shirt, with a large pink star in the middle, she sat for a moment as she carefully blinked the rheum from her eyes, groaning as she stretched the sleep from her talons.

"EEEE-YAAAA!"

CRASH!

She sighed again as another scream and crash sounded. "I'm thinking complimentary pink," she contemplated dismissively, teetering to her feet to move to her closet, putting her headphones in her ears as she absently opened the door, tracing through her clothes on one hand while scrolling her music options with the other.

CRASH!

She winced as the sound things being hurled shattered loudly.

"Screw it. Your damn playlist better be worth it, Fluffball," she muttered, clicking play.

~You know you need a fix when you fall down,

~You know you need to find a way

~To get you through another day

~Let me be the one to numb you out

~Let me be the one to hold you

~Never gonna let you get away~

She quickly dawned her attire while her song played, which quietly consisted of a predetermined glittery pink long-sleeved shirt adorned with white stars, complimented by black pants, black heeled boots, a stark-white feathered shawl, a white beanie with pink flame patterns, and crowned with an obsidian black tiara to contrast it.

~The shoulder you cry on

~The dose that you die on~

Exiting her room, she was greeted by a long hall lined with windows, each one with some exotic plant or other of her dad's lining atop small stands under the sills for light exposure. Some of the more… active… plants creaked softly as they followed her movement while she walked toward the kitchens.

RAAAAAAAH!

A pot smashed into the floor in front of her, prompting a sad sigh as she looked over the specimen. 'A Serrated Snapping Fan from the Ocukaulleae family.' The stalk lined with pink, eye-like protrusions, topped with a "mouth" of serrated bristles it used to catch live prey. It wasn't the rarest of her dad's botanical collection, but it wasn't common either. And it was just a sprout too, barely out of the bulb despite being larger than her head.

~I, I can be your painkiller, killer, killer

~You'll love me 'til it's all over, over~

"Poor thing," she whispered sympathetically as she stared down at the snapped stem. There was no recovering it unfortunately. Reluctantly, she stepped over it, continuing onward. Until this new fight had ceased, it would have to lay in the middle of the hall until the help felt safe enough from her mother's wrath.

~'Cause I'm the shoulder you cry on

~The dose that you die on

~I, I can be your painkiller, killer, killer~

She entered the kitchen as the second verse took off, flinching slightly at the apparent chaos. She did her best to ignore it though as she walked silently on eggshells toward the coffee machine. It was first thing in the morning, and despite her music blaring, she already had a headache that needed satiated.

"YOU WANT TO FUCK THIS ONE TOO?!" Stella, her mum, demanded, lifting on of their imp servants and tossing him violently at her dad. She was a tall, slim, white avian demon, with long gray-tinged feathers crowning down past her waist. She had a short pink beak, long lashes, and grey shadows around her eggshell-pupiled red eyes. She was dressed in her standard white dress with black accents, complete with puffy sleeves and feather-like trim, and a crown on her head.

Stolas twisted his body out of the way as the imp sailed past with a chitter, dressed only in a red robe. "No! Of course not!"

Octavia grabbed her coffee, glad there had been time for it to brew before the house had devolved into inglorious chaos. It was almost a blessing in disguise that neither of her parents bothered to notice her in the exact same room as them. But on the other hand, she wished they did notice.

"YOU ARE A GOD-DAMNED EMBARASSMENT! I AM NOT SPENDING ANOTHER MOMENT LOOKING AT YOUR PATHETIC, IMP-SUCKING FACE!" Stella stormed off, the sounds of more things being tipped over and thrown with further crashes. "FOR FUCK'S SAKE! ALL YOUR USELESS PLANTS, STOLAS!"

Stolas slouched in exhaustion, rubbing his fingers across his face as he tried to shake some semblance of wakefulness and stability back into his already abysmal morning.

Octavia snagged the nearest box of cereal on her way to the table, which just so happened to be Greed Seeds as she nursed the first sip of the morning. On her way there, she quietly helped up the imp her mother had thrown. Unfortunately, he was the only one brave enough to approach her parents when they were… disagreeing. He'd been serving in the house for as long as she could remember. Loyalty was a rare trait in Hell, and unfortunately, he had it. "You alright Wilfred?"

The imp in question was dressed in butler attire of dressed black pants, grey waistcoat, white cuffs on his wrists and tail, a black overcoat, grey bowtie, and black gloves. Unlike most imps, his stripped horns curved forward on his head, his white hair combed neatly back for a more "dignified" look, but otherwise cleanshaven.

Other than the bruises of his landing and the dazed look on his face, he appeared unharmed as he straightened himself up. "Quite alright Miss. Might I provide you with anything?"

She just shook her head. "No, but thank you. Just make sure you get those looked at."

He bowed his head politely for a moment in acknowledgement. "Very well, Miss."

Stolas took that moment of conversation to perk up from his slump, apparently noticing his daughter for the first time. "Good morning Octavia! Did you sleep well my owlet?"

For all the concern either of her parents had been showing for her sleep, she took a slow draught of still-hot coffee, staring at him intently as she did so before answering. "And what part of shouting matches before six constitutes to healthy sleeping habits?"

Wincing slightly at her tone, but not quite deterred, Stolas quickly walked over to the fridge. "Mm-hmm," he nodded in understanding, taking note of the headphones in her ears and the soft drone of music slipping quietly past. "What's that you're listening to?"

"This song is called "Painkiller"," Octavia answered, as he opened the fridge. "It's by Three Days Grace."

Stolas blinked worriedly at the name choice as he retrieved something that looked like a cut of zebra shank, before closing the fridge. "Is that some contemporary choir from Heaven?" Lucifer forbid. They may have lived in Hell, and teenage rebellion was common here as anywhere else, but even they knew to draw the line at praise, worship, or whatever the current Heaven passed for it these days.

Nothing like the war hymns of the Rebellion that shook the foundations of Creation itself.

"No. It's a human band," she stated, curious why her dad had suddenly looked so far away.

"Well… small favors," he nodded in relief. The Goetia quietly walked over to a nearby plant monstrous plant with eyes on the petals, and snagging vines growing from the base of the pot. As if sensing it's meal, the whole plant lunged as Stolas tossed the meat upward, catching and consuming it whole.

"So… are you two done screaming for the day?" she asked carefully as she took another sip of her coffee.

Stolas patted the oversized, carnivorous demon plant gently. "Um–"

RRAAAAAGGGHHH!

CRASH!

He recoiled at the sudden additional crash as his wife smashed yet another thing of his in her anger. To his regret, he noticed that Octavia had recoiled too, even though she hid it well. His eyes softened, looking around as he tried to think of something to say. Fortunately, his eyes landed briefly on a large painting on the wall, giving him an absolutely brilliant idea!

"You know what I haven't done in a long, looong time?!" he asked excitedly, walking over to her.

"Not an imp apparently," she stated blandly, grabbing a handful of cereal, slowly munching on a dry mouthful.

"I haven't taken you to your favorite place in all of Hell! Why don't we go… to Loo Loo Land!" he stated, either obliviously or ignoring her comment. Either way really.

"I'm not five anymore," she protested.

"You always were so happy when I took you to Loo Loo Land!" he continued, hugging her. "What do you say we go there again?! Have a day?! Just the two of us!" His gesturing to a painting of their family years earlier only served to prove both of their points: she wasn't five anymore, and she had been happy then.

"I'd… rather kill myself," she stated somewhere between bland and serious. "Should we spin a wheel to decide how? I'm partial to Seppuku. Maybe boiling oil."

"There we go!" he cheerily continued, ignoring her "sarcasm". She'd picked that up from her brother after all. "Anything but staying in this house! Now! I'll arrange our security! Oh Wilfred!"

The imp in question loyally reappeared at his name, carrying a rotary phone on a serving tray. "Present, sir."

"Security for a theme park?" She looked confused why they would need to call for it. It was just a theme park. Though she understood why her dad wasn't particularly fond of the more mainstream security Hell offered; and given her father's reasonings, she wasn't either.

"We're rich, and, we're hawt," Stolas stated, a tinge of lusty pink shading around his eyes as he walked to the middle of the room, Wilfred following his lead instep. "People want us for our money, and our bodies."

"Our money maybe," she deadpanned.

"Speak for yourself, princess," Stolas hummed back sassily .

"I would," she mumbled, munching on more cereal. "If I could get within hands-reach of a boy without worrying about you or Fluffball impaling them on the lawn like ornaments." He wasn't paying attention though. Figures.

He began turning the dial of the rotary phone as he prepared to make his call. "Now, I'm calling the only man who can **** me!"

She jerked up, dropping a handful of Greed Seeds in belated shock. "What?" she breathed out.

"Who can protect me! Us!" he corrected quickly. "Being part of the Goetia family is rather valuable, you know."

'Oh fuck my life!' She groaned, propping her legs up on the table to so she could properly slouch while pulling her beanie over her eyes, using her tiara to lock it in place. Blind was preferred, but it would have been nice to go deaf too for a while.

---

Blitz's Office

Blitz sat in his office, playing with crude representations of his employees, their likenesses made of random office supplies, while his paper crown hung from a photo of him labelled "#1 Bitch Boss".

"Oh Blitz! You're such a good boss!" Blitz exclaimed in a falsetto that was somehow supposed to pass as Millie.

"Ya! I really want you sir!" he continued with a gravelly tone that was supposed to imitate Moxxie.

"Move over! I want a piece!" he said in a pouty tone that was somehow implying Snow.

"Now now, there's plenty of Blitz for everyone," he stated normally. "Now, let's see how many ways we can get jiggy." He hummed, pleased with himself as he lowered his little office puppets below the desk to his crotch, prepared to do unspeakable (or just… things best not described) things with them.

AAAAAGH!

"Oh God fucking damnit," he muttered, knowing that murderize ringtone anywhere as he dropped his "toys" and snatching up his phone. "WHAT?!" He prepared to take a sip of his coffee, hoping that the bitter liquid would wash away the actual bitterness he was feeling at being interrupted.

"Hellooo, my big-dicked Blitzy!" a sultry voice answered.

Pffff! he spat out his coffee.

House Stolas

Pffff! Octavia spat out her coffee.

Blitz's Office

Blitz slammed down his mug. "WHAT–!"

House Stolas

"–THE–!"

Blitz's Office

"–FUCK–!"

House Stolas

"–DAD!" Octavia finished it off, the only deviation in otherwise perfect synchronicity with Blitz.

"Language. Everyone," Stolas chastised, gently twirling the phone cord. "Now, I have a special request."

"Agh! Look I just had a chemical peel, so you'll have to find someone else's face to plant that. Feathered. Ass," Blitz stated pointedly.

"It's for my daughter."

"Ah! Well… make sure she washes it," Blitz instructed, daintily grabbing his paper crown and putting it on his head.

"NO! No! Nonono!" Stolas denied, aghast at such a thought. Still, that didn't quite dissuade his excitement since it was just Blitzy being… well, Blitzy. "I'm taking her to Loo Loo Land, and I was hoping you brave little imps and co. could accompany us!"

"We're assassins. Not bodyguards, 'kay?" Blitz explained, as though their profession somehow escaped his reluctant (on his end) sugar-daddy. "Don't invite us to shit unless heads are gonna roll! White Town has a dope ass sparkly sword, and he won't let me play with it!"

Stolas thought better of dwelling on the deeper implications of that. "I'll pay ~you~"

"Pay me what?" asked an intrigued Blitz.

"~Money~"

"Mm-hm? Getting warmer?" piqued Blitz.

"And I'll let you do the… you know what… next time you're over," Stolas offered with sinful arousal on his face.

"You mean with the–?"

"As long as you go gentle on me," Stolas agreed. "But not… too gentle."

"Oh God," Octavia groaned, feeling nauseous.

Blitz's Office

"DONE!" Blitz agreed, slamming his phone down on the desk. He blinked when he looked back down to see he'd shattered yet another phone. "Goddamned hellphones are worse than the ones made in China."

Before he could dwell on the fact that he'd just agreed to a sexual offer with Stolas, he proceeded to pull up a bullhorn from his desk. "M'n'M-on-Ice! Get in here! We're going to Loo Loo Land!"

Moxxie peeked his head in the door, confused. "Loo Loo Land?"

CRASH!

Millie's head smashed right through the door's window glass, stars bursting off her eyes. "LOO LOO LAND! "

"LOO LOO LAND!" Blitz called, setting the bullhorn down.

"God! I can't take a nap for five minutes?!" Eddie snapped from the reception area. The little Sinner dragged himself toward Blitz's office, grumbling the whole way. "And I take it that you shit-wads aren't inviting me."

"Sorry kid. Loo Loo Land's literally on a whole 'nother Ring," Blitz explained. "You'll be staying here with Loona until we get back. I'd bring you if I could. If only to distract that thirsty owl."

"Use your stapler as a dildo you sick-ass clown," Eddie shot back.

"Now pack your shit, gang! It's gonna be a full day!"

"Hell yeah!" Millie cheered.

"Of fucking course," Eddie grumbled, dragging his feet back toward the couch.

"Okay, so we need sunscreen, cooling towel, phone chargers, water bottles, assorted stuff depending on the weather, hand sanitizer, baby wipes, bug spray–"

"Hold up, hold up. Can it Moxxie!" Blitz ordered, looking around suspiciously. "Now where the fuck are Loony and Igloo Brick?"

---

The Roof

He side-stepped an overhead clawed strike with ease, restraining the impulse to end it right then and there. He stepped back from a reverse swing, and the follow-up swing from the other hand. He gently checked her muzzle with his hand as she went in to snap her maw before jumping over a leg sweep with her tail. To him, it was a predictable rhythm. And like a spider, he was more than willing to wrap her up in it.

Loona on the other hand was panting, eyes so narrowed in determined frustration that she hadn't realized she had stopped pulling her punches in her quest to land a hit on him. He was holding back, and it infuriated her how easy it seemed for him to block or dodge her. He was practically flitting about. If she couldn't see him in front of her, she might have thought she was trying to hit the wind for all the good her flailing was doing.

He knew immediately where her weaknesses were before she'd even lunged. The street fighting she'd learned was brutal, but full of holes and wasted too much energy with wide swiping arcs of her claws. Her style was too tunnel-visioned, meant to zero in on her target and end it quickly. Or latch onto a vital point with her mouth and slash relentlessly until they stopped struggling. A badger method really… just, absolutely brutal about it. It made it great for one-on-one fights and for singling out the ringleader of groups, but left her open to attacks from more cohesive foes. It also left her breathing heavy after prolonged combat.

Not to mention, her strength mattered very little when he was not only fast enough to avoid her hits, but could also land hits just as devastating had he wanted to, which he made her aware of with every sharp rap of his knuckles.

But it was clear she had taken her lumps before.

He approved that her instincts were to lower her center of gravity; crouching, spreading out her weight, so she was less likely to be tripped and felled. She maximized the use of her tail, using it to counter-balance and readjust her weight so instinctively, it gave her a kind of feral grace whenever she threw out the odd kick or so; but also utilized it to attempt to sweep his feet. She didn't forget about how sharp her teeth were either, sometimes feinting before moving in for an otherwise devastating gnash of her jaws that would have left most low- and low-mid-ranked demons torn in half.

Snow wove around another solid jab at his face before he noticed her index and pinky fingers shoot out, a small orb of light rapidly forming in between. Before he could react, there was a sharp flash.

Loona saw her victory in hand, rushing forward on all fours as he stumbled back in a daze. She went in low, using her remaining limbs to stabilize as she swung her whole leg in an impressive arc with full intention of flattening him then and there.

Her fur erected mid-strike when she noticed his head cock ever so slightly. Eyes widening, she tried to back-track or redirecting her momentum, only for Snow to catch the attack one-handed on his palm. She swallowed nervously at his face, his eyes closed in intense focus with his sight temporarily absent, his ears wiggling and his head cocking with directional changes.

She pulled away before he could grip her ankle, landing away on all fours as she went silent, watching him carefully for movement.

Snow's head rotated slightly as he began listening. "Loooona," he taunted, smiling proudly as he began stepping blindly, but carefully. "Good. You're learning. Pulling unexpected moves like that is what will keep your opponent's guessing."

'I learned from the best,' she wanted to say, but had to bite down on her lip to keep from giving her position away. She hadn't moved an inch, making sure to watch him carefully for any indication.

His smile only deepened, absolutely glowing before it turned into a smirk. "But this is physical training. Not magic training." He didn't hesitate to "look" right at her.

'Oh shit!' She leapt upwards as he darted after her, swiping her tail downward to catch him, only to watch him side-step her attack. She tried to follow up with an explosive straight as she landed, but he slid a step back, avoiding her hit by the most miniscule of measures.

He pressed forward, feinting to the right. As she moved to intercept, he was already spin-stepping under her guard, giving her a soft shove to disbalance her before he swept her legs, catching her fall in a dip. A claw that pressed gently to the base of her neck ended the fight. She breathed heavily as he continued to hold her aloft, blushing as he smirked down at her, his eyes still closed. And yet it was like he could see her as clear as day.

"I believe that's my win. But next time, leave magic training for magic training," he ordered in a mentor-ish tone, setting her back on her feet. She just shuffled nervously, playing with her hands in embarrassment.

"There's plenty of time to apply it to combat. No rush," he continued, stepping across the roof blindly, and yet, with a destination in mind judging by his confident movements. "You've already made impressive improvement."

"Um… how are you doing that?" Loona asked, watching as he walked smoothly over to where they had tossed their shit at the beginning of training. Looking down in thought, she risked a glance back over to him. "And on top of that, what kind of fighting was that? It almost looked like you were–?"

"–Dancing?" Snow inquired, his head cocking ever so slightly in her direction. "Footwork, flow, rhythm, timing… I suppose it is." He smiled to himself as though he'd just comprehended a joke. His smile quickly faded though. "As for fighting blind. That's experience talking."

"You've had to fight blind?" she inquired carefully, doing her best not to dig too deeply, lest she accidently set off some particular landmine. Curious as she might be, she held a degree of respect for at least one demon that she worked with. Four guesses who it was.

"More times than I would like," he admitted with a shrug, eyes still closed as he wiped the light sweat from his face with a towel. "But it has it's uses. Besides…." His remaining three eyes emerged from his disguise, giving Loona smug little crinkles around their blinking edges. "…I like the challenge."

"Y-You…!" she fumed, fists clenching as her face heated in embarrassment. She didn't seem willing to argue though, which was a plus for on his side. Growling, she stomped over to her stuff, huffing pointedly in a way that Snow just couldn't help but chuckle at.

She was just so cute when she was flustered. Or angry. Or flustered and angry.

He finally started blinking the spots out of his eyes, contorting his whole face as he did so. That would be the next lesson for magic: restraint. Despite how she was coming along in both areas, there was a lot she still had yet to learn.

"So, um–" The hellhound seemed at a loss for words as she quickly downed a water bottle, reminding Snow that she could chug like a pro. "So how do you do that… dancing thing?" she asked, flicking her fingers at him so-so, unsure what else to call it. "You were just so… relaxed, while moving."

Finally getting some vision back into his more "human" positioned eyes, the others disappearing back into his disguise. Looking at her carefully, he sighed, realizing ahead of time that she wasn't going to get it, but… he might as well try.

"Alright. Turn around."

She blinked at him blankly. "Excuse me?"

"I'm not asking you to bend over and cross your legs," he scoffed, before smirking cheekily. "We haven't even decided on a safe word."

"Ass," she muttered, but obeying anyway in a huff, though not without Snow noticing the pink tinge to her cheeks.

Snow was wont to admit that she could give him an eyeful if his gaze lingered too long, dressed as she was in black sportswear; the kind that accented all the right curves and places – revealing just enough of her shoulders, back, and midriff – but also covered enough to make the imagination work for it. What was it called? Sports shirt? Sports bra? Yoga pants? Fuck if he knew. Women's fashion had never been an interest to him before.

'Until now,' a treacherous part of him conceded. It was just so… skin-tight.

She also had her hair pulled back in one helluva long ponytail, which for some reason really… really turned him on. He was weird and was attracted to odd, clearly non-sexual details. Sue him!

For Loona's part, she was well aware of the semi-lingering gaze that left trails of heat along her body. "See something you like, Cheesecake?" she asked, trying to steady how heavy her breath was becoming, turning back just enough to get an eyeful of him herself.

And there he was, having substituted his cargo pants for basketball shorts, and his trench coat for an actual t-shirt. Like he was some personal home workout instructor. 'In a way, he kinda is,' she admitted. Just as well for her, since she wasn't sharing with no thirsty and desperate housewives who hadn't had a proper fuck from their lame-ass office working husbands in over a year.

Nope! He was all hers.

She blinked and had to resist slapping her own cheeks as she thought that, unable to calm down the heat that was crawling not unpleasantly up her back. 'Where did that come from?'

His pale-ass white skin gleamed with sweat, making it sheen a slightly whiter silver than his hair. His shirt was just tight enough that it added definition to his lithe, but toned, bod, but loose enough to fill out nicely with every breath he took. Not to mention, he had some seriously sexy calves. Like seriously! Where did he get those?!

"Plenty," he finally answered, not even denying the fact that he'd been eyeing her up. Respectfully! God, he was trying to be respectful about it! But daaa-aaamn! He crossed his arms in just the right way that tightened his shirt, making his toned muscles fit to the fabric. Not that his arms – or that shirt – were hiding anything though. Not. At. All.

Plus, she'd already seen him shirtless, so…. 'Wouldn't make him look any less tasty.' It took a special reserve of self-control not to lick her chops.

"Tease," she pouted, making a show of drooping her ears. "Why'd you start wearing shirts again?"

"Because all but the clothes on my back got immolated at my last place, and I finally saved up enough to restock," he answered nonchalantly. He frowned a little in thought. "Might have been quicker if Blitz wasn't so stingy on my paychecks.

"Now." Loona froze as he stepped up behind her, trailing his hands down her arms until they aligned with hers, back to his firm and unflinching teacher voice. He gently began to move her hands this way and that with an invisible flow. "It's like a current. Being a leaf caught in a stream, or in the wind, moving and swaying with it. Every rock, every curve and bend; you simply ease around it. Become apart of it instead of opposing it."

Loona's brows furrowed as she felt him moving, gently guiding her with something she just… couldn't wrap her head around. "I don't get it."

"Not everyone does," he reassured, continuing to ebb and flow her movements. "That's part one. Part two, is to guide it. To create a sort of rhythm that you flow to."

Loona didn't get it at first. At least, not until she felt Snow's chest vibrating through her back, and the gently exhaling melody humming from his nose. Right. Next. To Her. Ear. Every move he made complimented the pace and flow, slowly drawing her in.

'Exactly like dancing,' she noted, noticing he was guiding her less and less, slowly letting her take the lead. "And? What else?" she asked softly, feeling rather than seeing him smile.

"Part three, is drawing your opponent into that rhythm," he answered, causing her to frown. But neither of them stopped. "When in a fight, no one notices things like that. It's… natural, instinct even to conform to it. Those that keep up come out on top. Those that don't, tend to die."

Loona thought about it for a moment as he continued. "Step four, as your opponent gets caught in your flow, your rhythm, change it."

His humming suddenly changed, his hands clashing into Loona's as she continued through the original motions he'd set up. He smirked as her frown deepened. "Ya see? If you control the flow, the tempo, the pace of combat, you control the fight. Changing it throws most beings off, simply because they're following a set of rules that they don't even know the game too."

"It'd sound like a lot of bullshit if you didn't just show me," she stated, still staring at where their hands had clashed. "What Kung-Pow-Dojo master-guy showed you that?"

He leaned in closer to her ear, his breath causing it to flick ticklishly as she stiffened. "Instinct. I taught myself."

"I'm being serious," she muttered, feeling her heart start to pound, turning to look at him. They were close. So close that it wouldn't take any effort at all to catch his lips in hers if she wanted.

"So am I," he answered back, seemingly making the same connection that she had.

They both looked at each other, something tandemly clicking as they began leaning toward each other, hovering just a breath apart. No effort at all. How his hands began to snake around her, almost unconsciously pulling her back closer to his chest.

"This isn't one of those rhythm things, is it?" Loona asked, watching as his half-lidded eyes looked directly at her own. "You, drawing me in?"

He hummed, a closed-mouth smirk alighting on his face, poking her nose with his own. "Now, why would I need to do that? You sayin' I'm not charming enough?" he teased.

"What charm?" she whispered back, fighting back a smirk of her own. Making up her mind, she began to push the last two percent that separated their lips, closing her eyes to do so.

~DON'T STOP! MAKE IT POP!

~DJ, BLOW MY SPEAKERS UP!~

The sudden blasting of erupting ringtone startled them both apart.

"Shit! Fuck! Damnit!" Loona cursed, quickly tossing her stuff apart for the source.

~TO-NIGHT, I'MA FIGHT!

~TIL WE SEE THE SUNLIGHT!~

She found her phone quickly glancing over the Caller ID before snarling angrily.

~TICK-TOCK! ON THE CLOCK

~BUT THE PARTY DON'T ST–!~

"WHAT?!" she snapped as she answered.

"I'm sorry. Is this a bad time?" Blitz demanded from the other end. "You were supposed to be at work half-an-hour ago."

Loona frowned, quickly looking at the time on her phone before gritting her teeth. "Blitz! It's six in the morning I'm not supposed to be at work for another half-hour! We talked about this! I have workouts every other morning, remember?!"

"Yeah, well, change of plans. Hurry up, okay," he dismissed easily. "We've just been hired to bodyguard bird-dick and his failed pull-out, and I need you to hold down the fort."

Her lips curled into a snarl. "Urgh! We'll talk about it when I get there," she forced out.

"Thank you, sweetie! Love you!" Blitz stated, with a blown kiss before hanging up.

"I swear to Satan!" she growled, only angry for a moment longer before she remembered what she had been doing before she'd been interrupted. Wincing, she turned around to see Snow quirking an eyebrow at her with a small smile on his face.

"Rain check?" he asked, wiggling his brows suggestively.

"You're such an ass," she growled through a stubborn blush, covering her face with her hands.

~It's too late, it's my fate, I can't turn around!

~There's no fear in the mirror to hold me down!~

Snow rolled his eyes with an exasperated sigh. "Sounds about right." Clearing his throat, he pulled up his hellphone.

~I'm too far from the start, now I'm in too deep!

~I've got to stick to the plan ('Cause there's no plan B!)~

"Hello," he answered in a robotic, somewhat cheery feminine voice. "Thank you for calling. We've been trying to reach you about your car's extended warranty. If you'd like to talk to one of our professional associates, press 1."

"Motherfu–!" Blitz raged as he hung up from his end, leaving a shit-eating grin on Snow's face.

Loona snorted out a laugh as she picked up a baggy sleeveless shirt, quickly tossing it on. "Might as well call it."

Snow was about to answer when Blitz's ringtone started up again. He frowned as it finally occurred to him that he and Loona had almost… well… that. With their lips. Consensually.

That. Fucking. Close.

'Fuck,' he commented emptily. He'd slipped from teaching her to something more… intimate. She was strangely disarming. He hadn't even noticed just how close he'd come to crossing that line.

Or how willing he'd been to cross it.

"'Sup Blitz?" he answered, not having to work hard to muster up authentic annoyance at Blitz's interruption, but at the same time… he was grateful for it. His eyes softened as he watched Loona packing up her stuff.

"Winter Pollen! Get your ass in here! We got a job!" Blitz ordered. "Stolas is hiring us for bodyguard duty for him and his daughter."

"Octavia?" he asked, perplexed why they would need security. They could just call for the best Hell had to offer. That's what Orthros Hellhounds were for. Cerberus if they were exceptionally paranoid.

His tone quickly alerted Loona, causing her to look at him with a frown at his confusion over the name he'd brought up.

"I don't know her fucking name! All I know is that we got a job, and we're getting paid to do it! Capisce?"

"I'll be there ASAP," he answered, his face contorting irritably.

"Hurry up! We'll be taking off soon!"

As soon as Blitz hung up, Snow continued to think about why Stolas of all demons would need a security detail. He was a fucking Goetia. A Prince. One of the more powerful ones at that.

"So who's Octavia?"

Snow blinked as he turned back to see Loona cocking an eyebrow at him.

"Why? Jealous?" he teased. He picked up his trench coat, throwing it on before pocketing his phone. "Stolas's daughter," he finally answered, still trying to order his thoughts after what had almost happened. It didn't quite make sense to him. "I thought Blitz only took assassin contracts."

Loona just shrugged, her frown a little deeper. "If it brings in cash, I don't think he really cares. Guard work is boring, but tends to use less bullets. Besides, bird-dick probably just wants Blitz there to flirt with him or something."

Snow nodded his head so-so. "That tracks. Still doesn't explain why he's bringing Octavia."

"Guess we'll find out," she stated, heading for the roof door.

He nodded, following behind her. 'I'm not gonna have time to shower,' he grumbled to himself. While it wasn't really an issue, considering their training had only constituted a light workout to him, it was still a ritual that left him feeling refreshed. He hadn't really brought a spare shirt either, anyway.

They both entered the elevator, tapping the button for the sixth floor before they were left alone, enclosed in a proverbial death box. Before the elevator chimes could start planting suicidal thoughts in either of their heads, Snow waved a hand, rolling his fingers with a haze of magic that sent the radio hissing into static.

"Hmm. Much better," Loona commented easily.

As they began to descend, Snow noticed that she was running her fingers through her hair, a tick he had come to understand she did whenever she was nervous about something. Tempted though he was to call it out, he knew she'd say something when or if she wanted to.

"So…," the hellhound began slowly, swaying up and down by the tips of her toes nervously. "…Did you and Octavia used to… you know… date?"

Snow answered with a snort, almost finding that statement funny. "Ew. No," he sniveled humorously. "Octane's basically my little sister. And even if she wasn't, she's only seventeen; and I've known her since she was like, eight. I get that it's Hell and all, and I'm not that much older than her, but I still have standards." He looked down, smiling fondly. "Her and Stolas are the closest thing I've had to a family since my mom died."

"Oh… right. Sorry." Loona relaxed a little at that, but still played with her hair.

"No prob," he answered, shrugging it off easily. Still… he felt like he should say something, especially about… that. "And… sorry if I made you uncomfortable."

She frowned, ceasing her stroking her hair. "What do ya mean?"

He scratched the back of his neck, wincing slightly. He really didn't want to spell it out, but at the very least, he owed her clarity. "Um, you know, about… almost kissing you." If he had ears as expressive as hers, they'd be wilted about then. "I crossed a line as a friend, senseless flirt, and most definitely as your teacher. I wasn't trying to make things weird, so… sorry."

Snow had to reign in his powers as his amulet began to warm against his chest. Better catching it sooner than letting it build to later. It wasn't like he didn't want to kiss her. He most definitely did. And maybe other stuff. Adult stuff. Fun adult stuff. But he had overstepped the bounds the situation should have adhered him to.

But… he wasn't sure how much he could trust her with. Strangely enough, he wanted to trust her. But trust took time, and two and a half months wasn't enough. There was a reason only half a handful of demons knew what he looked like. What he truly looked like. What he was truly capable of. And most others that caught a glimpse of that rabbit hole, died before they could share that information.

Pop!

He flinched as her fist hit him in the shoulder. Hard. "What was that for?" he asked, rubbing off the bruise as it began healing before it could even form.

"Dumbass," Loona stated, eyes narrowed at the elevator doors. She didn't bother to look at him, and as soon as the doors opened on their floor, she left quickly, leaving him behind to stew in confusion.

"Clarification would be nice?!" he called out, knowing that she was ignoring him. "Seriously, what'd I say? I was apologizing." He didn't think on it long though. If she wanted to talk about it, she had his number. Without a clue what else he was supposed to do, he started heading toward the office.

The door was wide open, just in time to have a large polymer case smash him in the face, flooring him just inside the doorway.

"Ha! Sucker!" Eddie laughed.

"Oh Snow, you're here! Take that out to the van would you! And grab as many of the ammo cases as you can carry!" Blitz called out. "We should be able to pack light, but better safe than sorry."

Snow's teeth bared as the blood pooling from his nose began reabsorbing back where it properly belonged in his veins. "Seriously?!" he snarled, eyes flashing as he pushed himself to his feet.

"Sorry 'bout that," Moxxie apologized, as he came into the reception room with two small cases of his own, one presumedly Millie's. Snow quirked an eyebrow at the fanny pack Moxxie wore though.

Growling, Snow pinched the bridge of his nose. "So what's the big deal with bodyguarding for Stolas?"

"We're going to–"

"LOO-LOO LAND!" Millie shouted excitedly over her husband.

"That," the imp finished with a deadpan. "Just pack what you need. If you didn't bring everything, I think I packed enough extras for everybody. It's probably going to be a full day at an amusement park." He looked him over quickly. "The shorts are probably a good idea."

'And that's in fucking Greed. Just great,' he groaned.

"I'll live with it," Snow stated, his mood visibly darkened. "And thanks for the offer though."

Pausing for half a moment at the door, he gave Blitz's case a sharp kick for his pains before continuing into the office. Eddie was grumpily seated on the couch, his RBF making him look like those stupid human videos of babies sucking on lemons. Loona was sitting at her desk with her feet up, and her nose in her phone as if she'd been there all morning. Still in her... attire. If she noticed him watching her, she didn't show it. She couldn't have been there more than a few moments. So nothing new there.

"Alright gang! You know the drill!" Blitz called out as he walked back out, gathering his employees together. "This'll be an all-day thing, so we'll be working in shifts, and since Stolas is footing the bill, were all set!"

"Um, any chance I can come with you guys on this one?" Loona asked from over her phone.

"Not gonna happen, sweetie," Blitz stated firmly. "This is bodyguard duty, and there's no telling whether or not someone's actually gonna take a shot at bird-dick. If bullets are flying, I don't want you anywhere near it."

"And besides, someone has to keep an eye on Eddie," Millie stated, before tacking on, "loosely." Loona had already made it clear she wasn't about to babysitting.

"Hey!" Eddie complained. "I can look after myself!" He grunted as Snow plopped a hand on his head.

"For a couple hours. Not a whole day, kid." Snow eyed Loona though, wondering why she wanted to join the crew on this job.

"It's not like I haven't been shot before," she stated casually, causing Snow to perk up in curiosity.

"Wait, you've been shot?"

Loona smirked proudly, standing up and pulling down the side of her yoga pants down until her hip was exposed. Along with part of her underwear.

"God, Loona! Pull your pants back up!" Blitz yelled, eyes darting pointedly to the ceiling.

"Satan! Warn us next time! Some of us are married!" Moxxie snapped, hands smacking over his eyes, earning a giggle from his wife.

Eddie's face flushed red, only for Snow to slap his hands over his eyes. "Nuh-uh, kid. Save it for when you're old enough to appreciate it."

The hellhound brushed her hand through the fur on her hip until she found what she was looking for, revealing a small hairless, silvery scar the size of a penny. "Some hunter fuck we were hired to kill caught me with a shotgun slug." She frowned though as she glared at Blitz. "Blitz wouldn't let me help on missions after that."

"Yeah, so much for the hospitality of Canadians," Blitz growled. "Guy was built like Donkey fucking Kong! And besides, you were shot!"

"So was Cheesecake! Four times! I don't see you sidelining him!" she shot back.

Moxxie cocked his head blindly. "Cheesecake?" Millie whispered something to him, causing him to snivel. "Gross babe."

"He's not my baby girl!"

'Thank God,' Snow thought, before looking over her hip. "Not gonna lie, that's kinda hot."

"My hip or the scar?" Loona teased with a quirked brow.

"Yes," Snow blinked, completely serious. "And who would have guessed? Red's your color."

"Okay! Down boy," Blitz growled, poking Snow's side with his flintlock, even as Loona skillfully hid a blush, pulling her yoga pants back in place.

"Are you done yet?" Eddie demanded, his arms crossed, and eyes still covered. "I don't need a babysitter."

"That's yet to be seen, little Gremlin," Snow countered, ruffling his horns.

"So why can't I go?" Loona demanded, looking just as cross as Eddie did at that point. "It shouldn't be a problem if bird-dick is paying for it." Blitz opened his mouth to respond, but Loona cut him off. "For any reason other than you adopting me, or me getting shot." It grew quiet real quick after that.

"Cool. Looks like I'm coming," she stated finally.

"And what about Eddie?" Millie asked motherly, licking her thumb and rubbing it across a perceived smudge on one of the little Sinner's horns. Eddie only grumbled, bearing with it as the skin of his face partially scrunched back in annoyance.

No one had an immediate answer.

"Hmm. I think we know someone who can help with this," Blitz stated conspiringly.

"And just who would be desperate enough to help us?" Moxxie demanded.

Blitz rudely pushed Moxxie's face away. "Oh ye of little faith! I have my ways."

---

An Apartment Somewhere in Imp City

Riiiiiing! Riiiiiing! Riiiiiing!

Mm? Mmmmm!

Groaning, Madelyn Mayberry barely had the room to roll over, her hair dolled up in three large hair curlers. She snatched her hellphone from her apartment's nightstand, not even bothering to check the caller ID before she answered. "WHAT?! I swear to God, if you're another telemarketer–"

"Hey Tits. How's it hangin'?"

She yelped in surprise, snatching at the air to keep ahold of her juggling phone before latching a firm grip on it and pulling it back to her ear. "Wha– You– How did you get this number?!" she demanded.

"That's not important, Hooves. Anyway! We need you to look after the half-pint for the day," Blitz dismissed. She didn't know what he was doing on the other end, but she knew he was practically oozing 'No Fucks Given'.

"I am not a half-pint!" the company child shouted over the phone.

'Are you fucking kidding me?' she groaned, wiping a hand over her face before blindly searching for her glasses. She found them next to where she had left her phone, and promptly put them on, a little relief easing back into her features when she could see clearly. "In case you forgot, Moron, I'm currently job hunting, and don't even have the time to think suck your dickless crotch."

"You wish. And how's all that workin' out for ya?"

"I managed to get a substitute teacher position. Problem is, that requires teachers to need substituted. If all goes well though, I'll be under consideration for becoming a full-time teacher next school term. In the meantime, I'm picking up any job I can that doesn't involve selling myself to make ends meet."

It was silent for a moment. "Oh, I'm sorry. Were you done?"

Madelyn clenched her phone, a hiss rattling from her mouth as her hair flared. She was half tempted to break the device in retribution but held off. Getting a phone in Hell had been expensive, and she was rubbing pennies together as is.

"Listen, Toots, can you watch the kid or not?"

She hesitated. On one hand, she needed to find any temp work she could that wasn't going to exploit her (good luck there). On the other hand… there really wasn't a positive on the other hand, was there? Unless she included getting a look at that one demon. What was his name? Snow? Snow! Although… that was assuming he wasn't currently taken. Fuck if she was gonna even begin acting like that whore.

A heavy sigh came from over the other end. "Fine! Since you're being bitch-difficult, I'll pay you."

Her interest was immediately peeked. "How much?"

"One-fifty for the day," Blitz stated.

Madelyn snorted. "I'm sorry. In what economy is that gonna fly? We're in Hell, so three-hundred."

"Two-fifty!"

"~Three-hundred~" she stated in a singsong voice. After all, they wouldn't have called her if they weren't desperate, and she knew it. She frowned when she heard some chatter on the other end, followed by the clear sounds of Blitz arguing. She waited patiently though.

"Two-fifty, and…." He paused again. "…And we'll throw in free usage of the coffee machine. The good stuff! Not that generic shit they try to pass off as premium cock for ten Souls a pop!"

The fact that Blitz didn't like that end of the deal made her a little giddy, and maybe a little smug. And she had a feeling she knew who had swayed that end of the deal in her favor. While it wasn't much, she could admit, coffee… sounded good. She hadn't had a good cup of coffee in… well, since she'd been in Hell. So a couple months.

Momma needed her caffeine fix.

"Deal," she chirped, earning grumbles from the other end. "So I assume I'll be heading to the office."

"Yeah, yeah! It's a full-day gig, and we're leaving in a few minutes. The kid's good for a couple hours, but don't push it Teacher-Fetish. Snacks are in the fridge–"

"Assuming Loona didn't eat them all!" a voice she recognized as the other male imp that worked there.

"Innocent until proven guilty!" the hellhound shouted back in her bland tone.

"Yep. It was Loona." She recognized Snow's voice almost instantly.

"Hey! Snitch!" Something crashed in the background.

"Ha! Missed me!" Snow teased.

"HEY! Quit throwing my stuff! I just bought this shit!" Blitz yelled, before seeming to remember her. "We'll be back when we get back. Sound good?"

She was slightly disappointed that she wouldn't get to see them (or more specifically, Snow) but nodded anyway. "Sure. Sounds good. I'll be over as soon as I get ready." She smiled a little as she couldn't resist. "Does that coffee come with creamer by any chance?"

"Don't get smug, Tits. It doesn't suit you. But if you're that hard up for cream, you can always try milking Snort-Streusel."

"Don't make promises you can't keep, Blitz." She could tell Snow was being ignored.

"Just get your tailed ass over here stat."

Click.

Madelyn sighed, setting down her phone and pushing her glasses up to rub her eyes. Swinging her hooves over the edge of her bed. Dressed as she was in a simple nightgown, she pulled out the curlers from her hair, letting it drop smoothly before beginning her process of getting ready.

She sighed heavily in dejection. Not that it was an immediate priority (sorta), but she was about as lucky in love in death as she had been in life.

That number being somewhere between 'Ain't Gonna Happen' and 'Better Luck in the Next Life'. And that "next life" part had already been spent. Just less fucked over, and not fucked at all.

"At least there's free coffee."

---

On the Way to House Stolas

The I.M.P. van drove hastily on Pride's roads, music blaring so loud, three of the four employees (Blitz is boss, and therefore doesn't count) had some form of ear protection. Millie was the only one unaffected by the radio as she sat in the back, smiling contently as she rode with her head out the window, enjoying the breeze.

~She's tryna cut my dick off! But I don't care! I don't ca-are!

~She's tryna cut my dick off! But I don't caaa-aaare!

~She says she'll cut me up niiice! Until I'm a dead man!

~She says she'll put me on i-iice! Just like a dead man!~

(A/N: Inspired from "How will I Rest in Peace if I'm Buried by a Highway?" by KennyHoopla; please don't sue me, I have no money)

"Fuck! I love this song!" Blitz crowed, trying and failing to sing along as he butchered the lyrics. Hence why they were wearing ear protection.

'Fucking hate Hell-mixes,' Snow groaned from his own window seat.

The moment Blitz had started singing Moxxie had pulled out a couple sound-negating earmuffs from his fanny pack, shuffling around in his narrow spot between Snow and Millie, before handing Snow a pair. The little guy really was prepared for anything. Loona had her headphones in her ears while her phone played their own thing, wincing every now and then when Blitz hit particular notes.

"Anyone tell you your voice could be classified as indaemon torture?" Snow asked just under the music.

"WHAAAT?!" Blitz shouted over the music.

The more attentive employees suddenly stiffened as Blitz turned back to them, eyes now off the road even as the van prepared to propel them off-road.

"Motherfu–" Loona lunged for the steering wheel, even as Snow made a hasty, jerking gesture with one hand as it hazed orange with magic propelled by everyone's fear, no one watching him as he reacted hastily. Moxxie started praying to whatever demon lord would listen and Millie just laughed cheerily like she was used to it. The van suddenly jerked and bounced itself back in their own lane before they could leave the pavement, no one wiser to Snow's involvement.

"KEEP YOUR FUCKING EYES ON THE ROAD!" Loona snapped, her fur bristled like a porcupine as she reluctantly let the head imp take back control.

"Sorry!" Blitz apologized easily, but no one was really listening, too rattled by the near miss.

Snow felt a sharp pain in his arm, blinking in confusion before looking down to see Moxxie was digging his claws into his forearm, the imp's eyes almost bulging out of his sockets.

"Millie, help," he asked.

Millie pulled her head back in the van, noticing the look on Moxxie's face and the pinched expression on Snow's face. "Oh baby," she whispered with a sad but loving sigh. She gently lifted her husband's free hand, rubbing it softly.

Snow watched as Moxxie slowly started turning to jello in his wife's hands. He could have easily drawn out the imp's panic himself, but there was something more… authentic and genuine, when Millie calmed her husband. All that weird, strange, and bright trust, safety, and love between them that if Snow bothered to sense it, would have left his mind slightly muddled like a good buzz.

Gingerly, he looked up front, eyeing Loona tentatively. He could feel her jostled aches from their workout, now stimulated painfully by the tension that had coiled throughout her body, numbed by lingering adrenaline. She wasn't even looking at her phone anymore, too on edge as she awaited another potential accident in the making, her ears flicking in her irritation. And that… wasn't right.

He leaned forward, his hand reaching between the seat and the van door, until he felt a brush of fur from her shoulder. Her arm jerked, only settling as he brushed his thumb over her arm. He closed his eyes, leaning his head against the back of her seat, his mana radiating warmly off his hand. Slowly, he felt her relax, even as his magic began reaching out to his accord, easing her tension as its warmth began to cool soothingly.

Just like Moxxie, he could just take all the pain and tension away. The fear and paranoia. But he wanted to try and ease it away.

"You okay?" he asked, just loud enough so she could hear him despite the blaring stereo. His own ears perked, searching intently for a response.

It took a moment and several deep breaths, but she finally responded. "Yeah."

Snow sighed in relief, a soft smile creeping to his face as he continued to gently stroke her arm. And just generally remain completely obliviously unaware of the two other imps in the back looking at him oddly.

"Wha–?" Moxxie started, his eye cocked in morbid confusion, only to feel his wife tap his arm. He turned to her, only for Millie to shake her head to let it be. Moxxie opened his mouth to protest, but Millie's stern cocked eye silently made her point.

Scrunching his nose, he quietly pointed back and forth between them before quirking his own brow. Millie nodded so-so and shrugged with humored helplessness, then gently smacked the side of her head, flopping her neck to the side.

Moxxie visibly deflated, blinking blankly as he tried to process that. Like, Snow… and Loona? He didn't mind really, but… really? They were just so odd. Too odd. Loona was always a – pardon his French – raging bitch to him. Always calling him names, occasionally laying on of hands in less than gentle ways, and just generally followed Blitz's lead in treating him like shit.

Snow, however, was always cordial, and they even exchanged music CD's occasionally; bonus: his CD's were always returned in stellar condition. He couldn't talk music with just anyone, and Snow did just that, even if their paler co-worker was more inclined toward individual songs rather than their artists. It was always nice to talk shop with someone.

Those two together – even as a theory – was just so…. It just seemed like it would clash immediately.

"Let it be, baby," Millie whispered to him, kissing the top of his head softly.

He half considered it for a second before he caught the content smile on Snow's face. Or barest tinge of pink on Loona's cheeks. Then he just deadpanned. 'And they're clueless, aren't they?'

"Thirty-six? Thirty-six? Thirty– Ah! Here it is," Blitz stated proudly, jostling all his employees back to attentiveness. The van pulled up to a pair of large, black gothic gates, and the gate call box at the entrance. Blitz rolled down the window, quickly buzzing it.

"Yes," someone answered.

"Listen here, fuck-face," Blitz commented rudely, "mind letting us in? We're here to pick up Stolas."

"Do you have I.D.?" the guard on the other end asked.

Blitz lowered his sunglasses pointedly.

"Oh. You," the guard answered with contempt. "I'm afraid the Misses has requested – rather violently at that – that you not be allowed on the grounds again. Ever."

Snow sighed, leaning his head between Blitz and Loona trying to get up front and visible for the camera. "Mikey! Mikey, open the damn gate!"

"And who the fuck are you?"

"Mikey, you know damn well who it is! Silver? Currently going by Snow?"

"I'm sorry. Not ringing a bell." Snow's eye twitched at the smug tone on the other end. Not even teasing. Mother. Fucking. Smug.

"Give it a rest, kid. We'll just wait until Stolas gets antsy and gives us a call," Blitz offered, leaning back easily enough. "Maybe this guy'll get the sack."

Snow snarled, glaring at the camera overhead looking down at them. "I swear to God, Mikey, if you don't let us in, I'll tell Ashley you're cheating on her with your ex-wife!"

There was a pause over the other end, catching everyone's attention. "You wouldn't."

Snow cocked his eyebrow pointedly for the camera. "Fuck, you would. Fine! But let it be on your heads. If Mistress Stella catches you here–"

"Pleasure doin' business with ya!" Snow cut him off, snuffing his nose at the camera. But just for added flavor… "And tell Zandra I said hi!"

A growl echoed lowly over the intercom. "Fucking asshole."

BZZZZ!

The gates started opening, and as soon as they were wide enough, Blitz pulled the van forward, taking the long trek up to the large, dark gothic structure of midnight blues and hueish sunset colors, emblazoned with his Seal as Ars Goetia across ramparts and balconies. It was impressive, meant to be a show of power and status, even though Snow knew Stolas would have preferred to designate a much larger portion of the estate to a library and astronomy tower. And fuck that the greenhouse wasn't large enough.

Snow collapsed back into his seat with a sigh though after dealing with the gate guard. They hadn't even made it to the park, and he was already exhausted.

"So… you know your way around here?" Blitz offered hesitantly, looking back at Snow in the rearview mirror. "And it doesn't sound like bitch-bags likes you either."

"Something like that," Snow answered, quirking an eyebrow at Blitz before turning to glare at the van ceiling. "And no. Stella doesn't like me."

"Ooh! Mysterious," Blitz smirked, only earning eye rolls from his employees.

The van pulled up around the large stereotypical demon gargoyle fountain in front of the – for lack of a better word – gothic mansion.

"Holy shit," Loona commented with wide eyes.

"Oh. My. Satan," Millie whispered in awe.

"Just how rich is he?" Moxxie asked.

"Sweetie, don't be rude," Millie chastised quickly.

"Ah. Forgot that how demons react their first time," Blitz stated in annoyance as he rolled his eyes.

Snow sighed, already opening his door. "Welcome to the House Stolas of the Ars Goetia. Break anything, and it's your hide." His mood improved instantly when he saw who awaited them at the top of expansive stairs leading up to the main doors.

"Master silver, welcome home," an imp greeted, bowing lightly.

The other's mouths all dropped in shock. Except Loona, who just looked confused as they all followed suit.

"It's Snow now," he responded automatically, before smiling. "How you been Wilfred?"

The imp just sighed. "About as good as can be expected, sir." He looked the young master over with a critical eye before smiling and nodding slightly. "You look much better, sir. Happier."

"Life's been… better."

Wilfred looked down the stairs at the approaching demons, his tone moving lowly in a serious conspiring manner. "And how much do our… guests… know?"

"As little as possible," he answered just as lowly. "And nothing serious." When Wilfred quirked his eyebrow, Snow grumbled. "They didn't even interview me. They snooze, they lose."

"Ah." The imp nodded in understanding. All was well then. Still, it saddened him to see the young master with so many sorted secrets, and so few who appreciated the pains he took to contain them.

Despite his greetings, Snow noticed the bruise along Wilfred's face before kneeling down to the imp's eye level, brushing a hand along it. To the butler's credit, he didn't even flinch. Trails of subtle golden light trailed from Snow's hand along the wound, gradually reducing the darkened blotching until it had faded altogether. "Stella's work I assume."

"Miss Octavia has already given me instructions to have it tended to, sir. I shan't need another. Thank you though, sir."

He nodded in understanding. He didn't like it. Hated it even. But this wasn't his home. He didn't make the decisions. And he couldn't be everywhere. "Could you let Stolas know we're here please?"

"Very well." Wilfred walked back into the house to do just that.

Snow winced though as he waited outside the door, especially since he could feel the eyes of his co-workers on him, most pointedly at that.

"The FUCK SNEEZE-CLOUD!" Blitz yelled.

"You didn't tell us you're a Goetia!" Millie demanded.

"Holy shit! Holy shit! Holy shit!" Moxxie began hyperventilating, probably for the same reason they were all panicking: they had treated him like he was just any other demon.

"I'm not a Goetia," he groaned, rolling his eyes. "Or a Goetia-spawn. I'm adopted… sorta. On a technicality." Not untrue. Just a lot more complicated than that.

They stopped at that, but he didn't like the conspiring look on Millie's face as she looked at him. Or how she looked at Loona either. "Huh. Funny how that works. So Blitz is kinda boning your dad then?"

He winced, especially when Loona's face balked. "Our dads are boning." She slapped a hand to her mouth, looking a little green in the ears. "I'm gonna be sick," she groaned.

The only part Blitz caught was that Loona had finally called him dad. "Awww! Shucks sweetie!" he said, his lip quivering happily as he wiped a tear from his eye.

'Aaaand fuck my life,' he deadpanned. However, on the other hand…. "You know that kinda makes us honorary step-siblings, right?"

All of them blinked at Snow as a conniving little smirk appeared on his face, leaning against the door jam, winking pointedly at Loona. While her face went from green to red instantly, it was Blitz's turn to look sick.

"You take that back, Shake'n'Bake!" he demanded.

"Nope," he resisted.

"Yes!"

Snow just rolled his eyes. "Fine! I'll do my best to stay away from any laundry machines I see. Don't want Loona getting ideas if I get stuck."

Blitz opened and closed his mouth in shock, while Loona snorted out a laugh, flushing harder as she pushed her hair away from her face.

To save them further thought on the strange, inter-personal relations of this rather… odd family dynamic, rescue came in the form of a thirsty owl.

"Yoo-hoo! Blitzy!" Stolas swept out of the house, ignoring Snow in favor of his JOI-toy. The Goetia was dressed casually – or whatever passed for casual to a Goetia – in a white t-shirt with a red skull emblazoning it, and red shorts. The only thing that would have completed the image was if Stolas was wearing socks and flipflops. And maybe pushing a lawnmower.

Thank God for mercies, great and small, that that was an image left to the darkest confines of the mind.

"Ugh! Fuck off, Stolas," Blitz hissed. "This is a job, not whatever raging sex fantasy you have planned."

Shaking off that particular intrusive image, Snow turned back toward inside the house, smiling at who followed at a much more hesitant pace. Octavia was close behind her dad. Given he hadn't seen her in a few years, it was obvious that she had grown.

Behind her, Wilfred dutifully trailed behind.

Still, she noticed him about the same time that he did, and she froze, eyes widening in surprise. Despite himself, Snow couldn't help but smile. "Hiya, Octane. Miss me?"

The owlet didn't hesitate to stomp over to him, slugging him in the shoulder as hard as she could… which was underwhelming given the demons he'd been punched by. "The fuck, Fluffball!"

'Fluffball?' everyone questioned mentally.

Deadpanning at her weak attempt at assault, he cocked a brow at her. "Gee, missed you too."

"You don't call for almost six months, and now your suddenly here?!" she snapped.

He blinked when she was suddenly wrapping her arms around him, holding onto him as tightly as she could. "The fuck have you been?"

He smiled, returning the hug. "Language," he chastised teasingly. Instinctively, he inhaled, rememorizing her scent as he held her close, engaging nostalgia so intense, he had to blink back tears. "Missed ya, Via."

"Ugh! You're as bad as dad."

Humming indifferently, he slowly stepped away, looking her over. "And look at you. You're not so small anymore."

"Blame the growth spurt," she muttered dully.

Still all smiles, he grabbed her by the shoulders. "C'mon. I have some people I want ya ta meet." He quickly guided her down to the others who stood around in various states of hesitancy. "Octane, these are my co-workers. The cute little imp couple there are Millie and Moxxie. Guys, this is my little sis, Octavia."

"Awww, well aren't you just darlin'," Millie complimented.

"Um… thanks?" Octavia stated, unsure what else to say. Sure, Snow worked with them, but they also worked for the fuckhead that was screwing her dad. Or vice-versa. So… that left them in a weird kind of Purgatory in her mind.

"Salutations and good morning," Moxxie chirped nervously.

"Hi."

"They're wholesome death-dealing cinnamon rolls, so behave," Snow nudged her with a smile. "And you already know, Blitz."

Octavia watched as her dad tried chatting up her bro's boss, and winced slightly. "Yeah. Wishin' I didn't though."

"Tell me about it," he agreed, before his whole demeanor seemed to change as he pat her on the head. "Via, this is Loona. Loona, Via."

Octavia blinked at the hellhound that stepped forward, eyeing her up and down with a hand on her hip. "'Sup?"

"'Sup?" she answered back. They just continued to look at each other as Snow stepped back with a full-faced smug smile. The jackass.

"Cool look," Loona supplied. "I can see where Snow gets his tastes."

"Actually, I took a page out of his book," Octavia admitted with a nervous shrug, pulling nervously at her jacket.

"What's going on?" Moxxie whispered to Millie.

"Rule number one of being a Goth: if you have to tell people you're Goth, you're not Goth," Snow stated, recounting exactly as he'd been told. "Rule two: if someone has to ask you if you're Goth, you're not Goth enough. The entire state of mind should be straight-forward and obvious."

"It's not a state of mind," both Loona and Octavia stated simultaneously in irritation, looking back at each other in surprise.

Snow just gestured to them both in demonstration. "Sub-culture, whatever. My point has just been made." He smiled though. "Figured breaking the ice would do them both some good."

He only retained his smile for a moment before he noticed that Stolas was giving him a lingering, very much knowing look that had him shivering. And not from any sensation of cold either.

"Great. Everyone's acquainted now," Blitz interrupted, if only to get Stolas out of his ass. "So how we gonna do this? We don't have enough room in the van for all of us."

"I got this. Yo Wilfred!" Snow called out to the imp standing at the ready near the door. "Ya still got my baby?!"

As if expecting this question, the butler pulled up a set of keys before tossing them down to Snow. "Full tank and ready. And last I checked, she chuffs like a tiger, sir."

"You sly dog," Snow smiled widely.

The Goetia Garage

Snow didn't hesitate to pull the dust-cover off, pleasantly pleased that the covering wasn't as dusty as he'd anticipated, proof of Wilfred's dedication to its upkeep. Stella would never allow his possessions to remain among the main house, but there hadn't been much choice in this matter. If he could have taken it with him, he would have. Suffice to say, out of sight and in the back of the garage had probably spared it the lady-of-the-house's wrath. Not that she could have put so much as a scratch on it.

"How ya doin' girl? Miss me?" he chittered happily, running his hand over it, pleased when he felt it hum under his fingertips. Just one of the few amazing gifts he had obtained over the short course of his free life.

While that thought reignited a small ember of rage in his chest, he quickly snuffed it out, just happy to have come back to let the poor thing out again. She didn't deserve to be cooped up. She deserved to rev it up a little.

"Let's see if you still handle like you used to," he whispered, smirking when she hummed back.

Back in Front of the House

"Would he hurry up?! We don't have all day!" Blitz bit out.

"Oh, take it easy, Blitzy," Stolas cooed, much to the chagrin of his daughter nearby. "It'll be fine. The day is still young yet. And the evening will be even younger."

Blitz shivered at the lustful tone Stolas was giving him. And he wasn't the only one either.

"Whatever. But it's still quite a drive before we hit Greed," Blitz stated simply, no less irritated as he tried to keep this strictly professional. This was a job after all. He was getting paid, and FUCK if he wasn't keen on keeping his holes clear for the day, even if Stolas was promising to let him do some fucked up kinky shit the next time he came over.

Off to the side, Loona noticed Octavia's discomfort, promptly sympathizing. If only because the way the young Goetia's dad flirted with Blitz was… waaay too thirsty for comfort. The fact he was flirting with Blitz of all demons probably had something to do with it. "So where do you get your clothes?"

The owlet blinked in surprised before shrugging nonchalantly. "I get them mainly from Stylish Occult. They have a decent selection, and it's at least tasteful compared to most places."

"True," Loona admitted. "They even have that weird taxidermy."

"You shop there too?" Octavia asked, blinking in surprise.

"Occasionally," Loona shrugged. "Better than the tight, suffocating clothes they have at K.T. Cuttings."

"Not to mention Ripley's." She shivered in disgust. "Who wants to wear demon-skin products?"

"Right! Like, where do they even get that many?!"

Millie and Moxxie just watched them all off to the side. "You ever get the feeling we're the odd ones out?" Moxxie asked.

"Hmm. Sometimes," Millie whispered, kissing Moxxie on the cheek, smiling as she got a content little chitter from her husband. "But not too odd."

Vrmmmmmm!

The rev of an engine interrupted their waiting as Snow skid around the fountain roundabout, throwing gravel as he howled in delight. He procced the kickstand, shaking his silver hair loose as he pulled off a helmet, a beaming smile on his face.

"What the hell is that?!" Blitz demanded.

"This, is a custom Tulpar G3B sports bike," Snow answered proudly. "Red touch, black trim, white highlights. A hundred fifty nightmare power, built-in manasphere, and runs purely on respect. Built like a tank, flies like a falcon, and the most loyal creature you ever laid eyes on."

"It's a motorbike," Blitz pointed out.

"Every warrior, knight, samurai, mage, and every obligatory profession across the history of Creation had their steed, and this one's mine," Snow stated, still smiling. "Her name's Stryx, and she will be more than willing to carry one more demon. Now, any volunteers?"

The majority of them looked at the sorta albino (closest actual term is "leucistic", because I finally looked it up) like he was nuts.

"You fucking named it?" Blitz criticized. "Who the fuck names their motorcycle?"

"You wouldn't?" Snow blinked like such a thing was completely normal.

"I fucking can't with this kid," Blitz groaned, pinching between his eyes. "Alright! Someone hurry the fuck up and join him.

"Not! You Loony!" he finished as he stomped over to the van, already ahead of her. Plus, the idea of her wrapping her arms around Plaster Dust was just… FUCK NO!

"Fucking damnit! I never get to do anything fun!" Loona gritted, stomping over to the shotgun seat, but not before sending another look toward the bike. She'd just have to find a way to bribe Snow later.

"You're already going on this trip as is, I don't want to hear it," Blitz stated, for once seeming to put his foot down when it came to his adopted daughter.

"Can I dad?" Octavia asked.

"Lets… not," Stolas answered, ushering her toward the van. "Your mother's already bound to kill me as is."

"Amazing introspection there, dad," Octavia offered sarcastically.

"Stolas!" Snow called out, staring pointedly at the Goetia. "Don't distract Blitz while he's driving. Period."

"But I–"

"No "Buts". Save it for when everyone's feet are safely on the ground, m'kay?"

The Goetia had the gall to pout. "You're no fun." Then he perked up a little, darting his four eyes over to the van. "But I'm sure I can make up for it, in other ways."

He didn't like the sounds of that. Not at all. Still, Snow clapped his hands at the dwindling numbers. "Thank you, Moxxie for volunteering!"

"M-Me?" the imp squeaked out. "B-But I didn't say anything!"

"Oh c'mon, honey! It'll be fun!" Millie encouraged.

Snow just shrugged tossing Moxxie his helmet before donning a pair of dope-ass sunglasses. "You just had that 'Volunteer' look."

Moxxie sighed, putting on the helmet without arguing. "That's how I got this job," he grumbled, taking Snow's hand-up.

Millie squealed, excited for her husband as she jumped into the van. Quickly loaded up and ready to go, Blitz began turning the full roundabout to take them back toward the gate.

"Hold on tight, okay," Snow instructed, starting Stryx with a reassuring smile on his face. "You'll be fine. Just breathe and take in the sights a little. I won't let anything happen to you."

Sighing in resignation, Moxxie just nodded. "Fine."

With a rev and a gut-retching shriek from Moxxie, Snow gunned it.

---

Author's Note: Don't forget to READ and REVIEW! ^^

First off, this takes place about two-and-a-half months after Snow joins. About a month after Murder Family.

Octavia's wake-up routine. While I was tempted to use Vivzie's "My World is Burning Down Around Me" by F-ck You Dad, I wanted to mix it up a little, and what better way to do that then add something to the expanded world, like the idea of contemporary Choir music from Heaven. Otherwise, it goes about the same. There will be some subtle differences in characters and their interactions, simply because adding a new character (namely, Snow) is bound to change a few things, including other relational dynamics that is shared with other characters.

I don't own Octavia playing "Painkiller" by Three Day's Grace. Or Loona's ringtone "Tik Tok" by Ke$ha. Or Snow's ringtone "No Plan B" by Manafest.

Some insight into Snow's training regime for Loona, as well as some insight into her progress in magic, including Snow's style of fighting. While it might seem a little fast, there is a reason for this, and it will be pointed out (probably subtly) later. I'm also planning a broader look at Snow's fighting style (namely, what music he's kicking ass to) later on.

Moxxie being best group dad while they're packing.

And yes, Loona was hit during a mission. I needed a reason for Blitz to continuously sideline her, and danger to her mortal coil on a previous job is about as on point as it could get. Danger to Loona seems like the quickest way to hit Blitz's "Protective Dad Mode", but her actually getting wounded would be where he draws the line. But now she wants to get back in the field, potentially while there may be bullets flying. Blitz will make his point known.

Yes, Madelyn has a small role in this episode. Because having a child-sitter has it's perks, and Blitz doesn't know the meaning of the word privacy.

Having Snow's relation to Stolas' and Octavia's world and home clash with his work life was interesting. This is also a confluence of Blitz's work and private life as well, so it ends up... a little odd. And this is only a taste of the weirdness. I figured Snow's introduction of Octavia and Loona was bound to happen eventually, and it's a large part of why I wanted Loona as part of the party to Loo Loo Land. There are other reasons, but that was the main sub-reason. As far as the saying about Goth's, I'm just repeating what I was told, so don't hunt me down with torches and pitchforks.

Some more hints for Snow's past, as well as an addition to his arsenal.

It was revealed in a Vivzie-post that Loona also does some of her shopping at Stylish Occult. Trying to come up with shops in Hell was interesting, and I had fun making fun of some shops.

And yes, Moxxie get's to ride passenger on a motorcycle. Because of everyone who might get to go who wasn't immediately disqualified by their parents, Moxxie seemed like the one who needed to get out of his comfort zone a little.

Heads-up: Next chapter will probably be called 'Abusement Park'. Because I heard that once, and I thought it was hilariously on point.