A/N: Hey guys, I'm back.
Still sick, but it's been going so long, I think I'm starting to get used to it. Not sure if that's a good sign or a bad one.
That being read, I welcome your Reviews. If you have criticisms, I welcome those too. Please keep them constructive. I want to grow as an author, and I can't do that if people aren't willing to critique, or only want to tear me down. I'm not here to please everybody, but I am here to learn. There is a method to my madness, even if I don't always fully understand it. 90% of what I write, I don't write baselessly. If there is something not canon or changed from canon, there is generally a reason. If something doesn't make sense, feel free to let me know (constructively), and as long as it doesn't creep into SPOILER! territory, I'll do my best to explain it.
WARNING: This is rated M for a reason. In keeping with the spirit of Helluva Boss, there will be copious amounts of Murder, Brutal Violence, Senseless Violence, Child Violence, Gender-Equal Violence, Accidental Violence, Robot Violence, Drugs, Hard Drugs, Soft Drugs, Prescription Drugs, All-Natural Drugs, "All Natural" Drugs, Alcohol, Blood, Gore, Visceral, Dissection, the occasional slow-crunch of Bones, and Cannibals contributing to said "slow-crunch", Physical Abuse, Mental Abuse, Emotional Abuse, Language, Offensive Language, non-Politically Correct Language, possibly butchered attempts at Foreign Language, Horny Demons, Hornier Humans, even Hornier Furries, and any number of things the average law-abiding citizen might consider "distasteful", but that I find hilarious because laughter is easier than being angry at people or the world all the time.
May also include some point-blank wholesomeness. No reason to warn about this, except that some of you might find it offensive because you have nothing good in your life, and therefore have to ruin everything good for everyone else. If you feel offended for me calling you out, then you know who you are.
This story is not for people who are easily offended, are offended on other people's behalf when said people really don't give a shit, squeamish around violence, think sex is naughty, or think jokes are like dicks and take them way too hard. You know the drill (haha! I just got that!)
If you don't like it, DON'T READ IT!
This is for Adults, or for any of you below the age of 18 who are so desensitized to this stuff because your parents never cared about your mental sanctity (Wow! Already getting in the spirit of things and insulting people! Noice!). All the same, Reader Discretion is Advised. (God I love this pre-story warning!)
But! Because this is my first "real" attempt at such mature content, don't expect me to dive head-first into 'X-rated' stuff. Or even dabble. No dabbling. That's not the vibe I got from Helluva Boss. That, and my mother would burn me at the stake if I did. Love you Mom!
Review Responses:
- DK676: Done!
- tamrynmyhre2.0: And more yet.
- "Guest" 1: Updated!
- Ma6ne: Anotha one.
- gg2ezlol: Thanks. Pun appreciated.
- Italian sniper: Also depends on the type of shot you use, and whether or not it has a choke. But it's also a cartoon, so logic is touch and go.
- QuirkySavage: Glad you love it.
- Drake D Hero: That's a... band? Right? Either or, not sure what your trying to impart. Were you recommending the whole band, or was there something specific you were aiming for.
*End of Responses
Disclaimer: I don't own Helluva Boss, Hazbin Hotel, or any of its subsidiaries. Those rights belong exclusively to Vivziepop, and anyone else who had a hand in it's creation. I just get to enjoy it for all it's worth.
I would also like to point out that I don't own any other media or content that may be mentioned as further enrichment to the story.
I do however, own all Original Characters and Scenarios, so... MINE!
Without further ado. *Que the dimming of the lights*
Chapter 9: The (Almost) Worst Bet Ever
"Gooood Mor-ning Hell! You fuckers are cucked! And the sooner you realize it, the better! Looks like clear, vibrant red skies that should fade to a nice blood-red in the afternoon. Perfect beach weather today, but for all of you who like to bask or dip in the nude… I recommend you do, if only for the entertainment quality as your cooch or you willis gets burned. Heh! Some of you could do with gettin' your tits crispy fried.
"Another unmemorable suicide in the Lust Ring. Some dickless simp looking to get some clit, only to blow his own brains out when he figured out, no one gives a shit about his personality despite the fact that it was just as shit as his looks. To any of you listeners that can't take a hint, love ain't cheap… and generally only lasts for the hour. And for the real weirdo's down here, cuddling cost extra.
"For those intent on inter-Ring travel, quick reminder to steer clear of Wrath for the time being. It's storm season down there, and between the volcanic eruptions and flaming twisters ransacking the region, it looks like the ash is gonna be especially thick. So fair warning. On the plus side, if it gets especially violent, the better for their crops this year.
"Ever run into that one Sinner that keeps whining and wailing about how they don't deserve to be in Hell? Hate to break it to you shit stains, but if your down here, you deserve it. If the cannibals want some addresses, we're giving those out for free. Just call our station, and we'll throw ya a bone… attached to the rest of the body of course. Just get these fuckers off the street, and we'll call it a public service.
"In other news, a new drug is sweeping the Rings, sweetening up everyone's buzz as they–"
BZZZ!
A large surge of electricity pulsed off the bed, frying the square-boxed radio as it was sent flying, landing in a pile with the rest of the busted radios with a sizzle and pop.
YAWN!
A tittered groan exited from under the covers as Snow stretched, a crackling sound as his bones rearranged, slurching as his muscles and skin reshaped and morphed like twisted clay, and quickly he retook his human form. All on reflex for the day ahead.
After hoping to his feet, he was still half-bleary eyed as he moved on to breakfast. Cracking a hole in the top of a large, lavender, dark purple spotted egg, retaining the shell as a large bowl, he shook in some salt and pepper before whisking it all together with a fork, and promptly slurped it all down raw from then and there.
He licked his lips clear of any fatty sweetness of the yolk, practically purring with mouth-quenching pleasure. Staving off another yawn, he pulled a random pair of pants and a shirt on, donned his trench coat, slung his Cazal'guur's sheath over his shoulder before exiting his den on his way up to the office. He came prepared for the elevator, temporarily cutting off his hearing with a snap and just basking in the high-pitched ring of silence.
To his chagrin, there were some new neighbors, just across and down from I.M.P. in room 69, judging by the mix of smells, and cantankerous noise and lewd sounds overlaying some pop beat from within as he returned his own hearing,. It only served to bug him more.
"Great. Fucking great," he muttered, his nose twitching irritably. "Now I'm going to be smelling that for weeks." The retching that caught in the back of his throat only served cement that. It was Hell enough trying to keep the office from smelling like the cigarettes clients kept bringing in, but now the whole floor was going to smell like warm sweat and bodily fluids.
With a small brandish of his hand, the lock clicked open and he stepped inside, quietly going about his small routine of feeding the eels, smiling slightly as they nipped and fought over small chunks of bleeding mystery meat. He even got the coffee percolating with a groaning yawn that seemed like it would split his mouth open, his tongue curling with the effort.
Hopefully it would be a nicer day than he was feeling.
A Few Blocks Down
Blitz had no problems streaking through traffic, cutting people off, almost rear-ending others, taking corners at death-inviting speeds that shrieked the tires across the pavement. To his passengers though, it didn't matter too much.
"Oh, I love this song!" their boss crowed, preparing to sing along. Only Millie was chill with it, leaving Loona, Moxxie, and Eddie in any level of discomfort, from shifting uncomfortably to covering their ears nubs to hoping they were hit by a bolt or seven of lightning.
"~You were a …? little demon with…uh… bleach blond hair!~" he sang, off-key, out of tune, and completely out of sync with the rest of the song he drifted into the parking lot. "~Feindin' for that semen when I caught your stare! Thought it might be love but~ HOLY SHIT FUCK!"
With a swerve of the wheel, Blitz narrowly avoided colliding with a pink car that looked like it was owned by someone who got the better end of the divorce, even as it rushed to take his company's parking spot. Barely keeping control of his vehicle, he ignored when he heard and felt the bumper glide into other cars lined up before they finally came to a stop.
The van bumper even did a little show of trying to stay on, only to finally cave and just plop to the ground.
"Everyone okay?!" Millie asked, prying her claws out of the door from where she had whipped her hand in front of Moxxie to keep him from flying forward, brushing a hand over shoulders as she checked on everyone. "Eddie?!"
"'M good," he moaned out, though he'd probably have a seatbelt mark across his torso.
"Moxxie?!"
"Alive," he groaned out, the wind nearly knocked out of him from where he'd impacted Millie's arm.
"Loona?!"
She responded by swallowing back a load of bile that had built up at the back of her throat as she was hit with a sudden bout of carsickness. "To be determined," she groaned out.
"Blitz?!"
Growling, Blitz rapidly rolled down his window. "Oh you "Suck-4-Life", do you?" he bit out as he read off the car's license plate. He pulled himself out over the edge of his window, sitting on the van sill as he pulled up a bullhorn.
"LISTEN UP YOU UNORIGINAL PINK CUM-DUMP!" Blitz bristled over his van, the sound and noise sending more bristles along Snow's body. "YOU HAVE EXACTLY THREE GODDAMN SECONDS TO GET YOUR TITS OUT OF MY PARKING SPOT!"
As he yelled through the bullhorn, the offender stepped out of the car, revealing a hot-pink skinned succubus with black-tipped horns curved overhead, and hair so platinum blonde, it had to be dyed. Or a wig. Round, heart-adorned shades sat on her face. An hourglass figure was barely contained behind a black and white mini-dress with a prominent 'X' and 'O' on the chest with a large star over the abdomen of the dress. Not to mention the black, thigh-highs with three lighter pink 'X's down the sides and the heart motif, pointed high heels that were so tip-toed, even Barbie was risking arthritis in her arches just looking at them.
All topped off with a light-pink fur coat. In Hell.
Her chest was so pushed up, and the dress hugging her curves so tight, it was a wonder the mini-dress didn't rip. Or have a malfunction of some sort in general.
In her carelessness swinging open her door, she slammed it into a familiar sports bike as she stepped out, only for it to remain upright. As she stepped clear, the door suddenly crumpled as a bigger dent backlashed the door with far more force than she had applied, slamming it closed. In one retributive strike, the door was caved in, the edges crumpled, and the hinges bent out of shape. It would never close properly again, if the sheer force didn't just fuse it to the rest of the frame.
She huffed throatily in disgust, turning to the burly hellhound in the passenger seat. "Have the fucker who owns the dumb bike pay for the damages," she demanded, her tongue rolling her gum in her mouth.
In the back seat of the van, Moxxie and Millie flinched while Eddie sank further out of sight. "Oh fuck. She hit his bike."
"Oh no."
"Oh shit!" Blitz backtracked in shock, but not at the shitstorm that was beginning to brew, completely ignoring the collateral. "Verosika?"
Her hip popped to the side as she popped some bubblegum, almost bored when she looked at them. "Blitzo."
"I should've known you'd be here. I could smell fish for miles," he pointed out, "which is odd, because I believe the nearest ocean is–" In his zeal to insult her, he leaned back too far, falling out of his window. It took a moment or two of cursing and swearing before he stepped around the front of the van. "–Three Rings down!" he finally finished.
"And I should have known you'd be here when I heard the AMBER Alerts," she pointed out, smooth and uncaring as she quietly brandished an ornate flask.
"Oh yeah? I'm surprised they let your fat ass out of rehab!" he shot back with a little 'mm-hmm' to his head. "I can see you're still a drunken whore, clutching onto that Beelzejuice bottle like it's the last cock in Hell!"
"They let me out because I'm still famous," she stated, flushing her hand through her hair carelessly. "And rehab is for sad, loser, washups." She popped over her flask, taking a long, honeyed swig of it before turning back towards Blitz. "So you're sister says hi."
Blitz bristled as he marched up to her. "Why are you parking here?! This is the only parking spot my company has! So take your tampon racecar somewhere else! Or else!"
"Actually… prick… it has my name on it," she purred out as she pointed down at the concrete, revealing the I.M.P. logo had been spray painted over with Verosika's name, complete with little hearts in lavender purple.
It looked… disgusting.
"Yeah… I'm doing a bit of freelance for one of the infinitely more successful companies in the building, and they wanted me to come in this week to lead their team during Spring Break," she stated with another flair of her hair.
Back in the car, Loona watched with vested interest (after she'd unclenched her claws from the seat after that near miss), her eyes widening in recognition. "No fucking way. Is that–?"
"A WEEK?!" Blitz immediately protested. "No-no! You are not parking here for a fucking week!"
"Aw, you mad Blitzo," she purred sultrily, almost seductively pulling her sunglasses off to reveal light pink irises. Gradually, her tone grew angrier and angrier. "You gonna run off, leaving someone else to pay for the hotel room. Steal their car and run–!"
"–And run three Rings to Wrath, and max MY/your credit cards on shitty horse riding lessons!" Blitz and her both intoned, her anger more apparent and Blitz almost bored.
"Goddamnit whore, you will not let that go!" Blitz stomped petulantly.
Scoffing in disgust, she walked past him, already heading of the building. "Go choke on a sandpaper cock."
Loona, who'd been watching the whole thing from the van's front passenger seat, shrank down as they walked past. And that was even before a chill had swept breezily through the lot, causing her fur to ripple chillingly.
"Oh Hell! Fucking! NO!" Blitz rejected. He didn't even want to imagine having to park anywhere else. Getting a designated parking spot was already a pain in the ass, and Hella expensive without having to deal with any other fuckers! "You're not doing anything with that pussy-wagon other than moving it, or so help me Satan–"
The rattle of biker chains walked up behind Blitz as the hellhound that accompanied Verosika glared down at him with a deep, throaty growl. He was wolfish, and burly muscled, his fur a darker shade of gray, with lighter tones brushing down his middle. His left eye was milky, with a slash-shaped scar running over his lids. He was dressed in torn grey pants, a black overshirt, and ripped jacket with red spikes encircling the shoulders. "You'll… what?" he drew out, one eye blinded by a slash through it.
"Or I uh…I'll…," he stammered nervously before he perked up, a smug smirk on his face, "or I'll call that guy."
They whipped to where he pointed as a whistling noise sounded. Everyone looked up to see something rocketing downward, even as it crashed into the pavement in front of the van. The dust and dirt began to billow up, only to whip away as a violent aura cut through the air, forcing them to blink through the debris.
The figure looked over at his bike, and the ruined pink door right next to it. "Who hit my baby girl?" something like a voice hissed out as five glowing blue eyes turned in their direction.
"Ugh. So it's his bike," Verosika scoffed, unaffected by the display. "Vortex, make sure he pays for the damages. Tell him I take cash, and maybe his dick if he's cute enough."
The burly hellhound sighed as he switched gears from Blitz to the new addition. "Yes boss."
"Anyway," Verosika hummed, trying to play off the entire incident by clearing her throat. "Meet my new hellhound, Vortex. Unlike you, he actually does his job well."
"And?" Blitz stated, his grin just serving to piss her off. He gestured to the drop-in. "Meet my newest employee, Snow. We don't actually know or care what he is, as long as he does a good job. And trust me, he does a very good job."
"You… don't know what exactly he is?" she asked back, not entirely caring, but still confused by that level of nonchalance.
"Don't know, don't care," Blitz stated, as though that were obvious. It just served to get under her skin. "I bet my bodyguard can beat up your bodyguard!"
Vortex approached Snow, sniffing curiously at the odd, and even titillating olfactory stimuli. Unlike most hellhounds however, he'd been bred and trained better than to give into some base predatory instinct with no regard to his job, unless specifically told to "sic'em". He was told to sit, he sat; if he was told to jump, he jumped. Not to mention he got this uneasy prickle at the base of his skull about even trying to attack first. "Hey man, sorry 'bout yur ride. Anything broken?"
The shadowed visage of the oddly human-shaped demon growled. When he reached into his jacket, Vortex tensed up, only to become confused when he pulled out a dust rag.
"I swear to fucking Satan," Snow cursed as he marched for his bike, completely ignoring the damaged car, or even the piles of ash that surrounded the bike from… less than successful attempts to steal it. "I keep you all free-range and pristine, and someone has to fuck it up. Isn't that right Stryx?"
The bike hummed in response oddly enough, prompting some confusion from Vortex as Snow began wiping it down. He was particularly caught up on a scuff mark. Seems some of the pink had been traded onto the bike. Never mind the charred hand that crumbled when he brushed over it.
But the pink wasn't coming off.
SNNNN!
That was the inhale of someone who'd reached his limit. Snow's hands came together in a 'boi' gesture as he turned around, a strained calm on his face. "Sooo… what can I do for you today?"
"Look man, my boss wants you to pay for the damages to the car from her hitting your bike." Even he knew how ridiculous that sounded, but he didn't get paid to ask questions. Just do as he was told.
Several of Snow's eyes twitched. "Are you serious?"
Vortex shrugged. "Just doin' what I'm told, man."
Snow snorted. "Fat chance." He stood up, turning to where Blitz and Verosika were standing. "Hey! Bitch?!"
Verosika's face contorted in rage as she glared at him, only to falter slightly when she caught a full look at him. He was handsome, even when he looked outright pissed. His voice was pleasant enough; again, even outright pissed. And she couldn't help but get a little lost in the intense glow of his electric-ice blue eyes, despite the fact they were boring into her.
The restrained and controlled power radiating off of him wasn't hurting what she thought of him either.
Biting her lip softly, Verosika gave him a once, and maybe a twice over. Three times just to be sure. "And what can little ol' me do for you handsome?" she asked seductively, a gentle moan in her tone, practically squeezing her legs together. Her powers couldn't help but reach out to ensnare him as she made full on eye contact, her irises turning into intense little hearts as she Seduced him. "You want an autograph? Or perhaps something a little… more?"
Blitz looked uneasily as Verosika put on her bedroom face, half expecting his employee to turn into some brain-drooling mess as his switch was flipped. Few demons had so much as an ounce of self-restraint, and even fewer had more than that.
"There's no way in Asmodeus's ribbed dildo that I'm paying you for hitting my bike. Now promptly fuck off," he snarled out. Stryx revved behind him in agreement.
Unable to hide her shock, her mouth gaped a little bit. He didn't only resist her succubus seductive powers, he hadn't even flinched at throwing them off. It was like she hadn't even tried!
"Careful. Someone might put their dick in there," Blitz pointed out with a reassured smirk.
Clopping her mouth shut, she bit back her irritation. Still… he was cute. "It's too bad. There's more where that came from," she stated as though unbothered, sending Snow a small wink. "Vortex," she called, the hellhound quickly falling in line. She couldn't help one last jab at Blitz though, complete with middle finger.
"It's such a shame how far you've fallen, Blitzo. But you were always a lousy bodyguard, and an even worse fuck." They began walking away toward the building. "Ta-ta fuckstain. And don't bother trying to get your parking spot back." Then she added with a soft moan and slightly glowing pink eyes, "Because you won't win."
As they walked away, Snow snuffed, as though clearing his nose of a foul smell. "Entitled bitch. Hitting my bike and trying to get me to pay," he grumbled lowly as his fingers began to glow, and he slowly began peeling the off-coloring via magic. It was a simple process and not one he enjoyed, but the little engine purr Stryx let out was worth it.
"Ugh! I can't believe I wasted my time on a bag of holes like that," Blitz grumbled to himself.
"So, uh, you know Verosika Mayday?" Loona asked, as she gingerly stepped out of the van, looking hesitantly after where the succubus had trailed off to, before looking back at Snow.
"Huh? Oh yeah her. Yeah, we dated," Blitz dismissed, crossing his arms.
"Was that before, or after she became a popstar?" Millie asked from her window.
"You dated a popstar?!" Moxxie shot out, pulling open the sliding door.
"Okay, why are guys acting like that's such a shock."
"It's Verosika Mayday," Loona stated like it was obvious.
"It's… you," Millie pointed out.
"I just…." Moxxie scratched his head in confusion, searching for other – much more feasible – explanations. "…Is she blind? Suffering some form of brain damage?"
"Did she get in an accident, lose her memory, and you pretended to be her boyfriend?" Eddie asked as he peaked out of the van.
"That… is oddly specific," Moxxie pointed out in worry, prompting Eddie to just shrug.
Put out, Blitz huffed. "Okay, look, you are all making this into a way bigger deal than it needs to be. I don't pry into your stupid personal lives."
"You do that all the time, sir!"
"You kinda do that."
"Is he serious?"
"You totally do that."
"My ass you don't!"
Snow chose that moment to step in. "I'm almost too afraid to ask, but who the fuck is Verosika Mayday?" He seemed almost exasperated.
"You know, Verosika Mayday," Loona stated, as though that cleared anything up. "Succubus? Popstar? Has twelve albums out? Won four awards for 'Most Arousing Song'?"
"She's about as self-made down here as it gets?" Eddie stated. "I mean, she has a shit-ton of pull in Lust, and music-wise, she basically has her own radio station, and has been pulling 'Top 5' charts for the last six years. She's also frequently on the cover of 'Down & Dirty' and 'Succubus' Magazines."
"How do you know all that?" Millie asked worriedly.
"I'm literally left alone in the office all day with nothing to do but read those trash-rags you guys call magazines," he pointed out. "The only good parts are the ads. I mean, how retarded do you have to be to call a number for dick-enhancement pills in the middle of an article about 'the Benefits of STD's'. The irony is almost straight painful. It's not even funny, just stupid."
"She probably sucked some people off to get those awards," Blitz muttered dismissively. "And the radio space. And the magazine covers. And… point being, she's probably sucked a lot of dick to get where she's at."
Snow just shrugged. "Yyyeah… no idea. But I don't think you're one to talk Blitz."
"Hey! I only sucked one dick to get this business rolling, thank you very much," Blitz retorted.
Sighing, Loona pinching the bridge of her muzzle. "Do you even want to know?"
"If that's how she is in person… not really," Snow answered honestly before saddling up next to her, gently bumping her hip with his own. "I got the better company here anyway."
Loona stubbornly turned away to hide the blush that spread from her cheeks, bumping his hip back.
"What was sex with her like?" Millie asked.
"Huh? Oh, we haven't–" Snow started.
Moxxie's own disbelief drowned him out. "Millie!"
"What?! It's a popstar! You'd wanna know what sex with Michael Crawford was like," she pointed out.
"Oh, you're still on that," Snow muttered in his own embarrassment, getting a well-deserved elbow to the ribs from a furiously blushing Loona.
Despite raising a finger to retort, Moxxie quickly acquiesced. "Touché." Millie just smirked in smug satisfaction.
"You're all gross," Eddie sniveled in disgust.
"Okay, let's just drop it!" Blitz interrupted. "Flour Power, go move your stupid bike so Millie can park the van in your spot!"
Stryx revved in indignation, and Snow wasn't so far off in agreement. "I got a better idea," he stated with a Cheshire grin.
"Fucking Hell," Blitz muttered in accumulating stress before looking at his employee. "Okay, fine! What?"
Smirking, Snow strut up to the pink car, looking up pointedly to make sure everyone was paying attention, and drew his sword. Flexing his brows in mischief, he started at the front, and with the ease of a hot knife through butter, began slowly dragging the blade through the vehicle. Engine, chasis, wiring, frame, leather interior; all of it was sliced through with no sign of resistance. One might expect the hiss of extreme heat, or the crumpling of metal, or anything to suggest that another external force was assisting the effort. There was none. It sliced cleanly.
With the grin of a kid who was absolutely proud of what he did, Snow swiped through the bumper, and not a second later, it all fell apart, spilling gas and oil on the ground.
SNAP!
BOOM!
With a arcing blue spark, the whole thing ignited and proceeded to explode in a great ball of fire, sending itself skyward, and Snow was left no worse for wear save for his coat getting blown back by the excessive "breeze". A small whistle later, the pink monstrosity's pieces crashed across the parking lot on top of someone else's car, igniting them both.
"Would ya look at that, I got your parking spot back, Blitz," he stated, as though the solution was obvious. With a twirl of his finger, the spray paint over their parking spot lifted and faded.
Blitz's mouth opened and closed rapidly, whipping his head back and forth between the parking spot and the now burning wreckage of Verosika's car, before he seemed to settle on a state of mind. "You know what? I like it," he stated. "Modern art goes vastly underrated in this day and age. We'll call it, "Suck It, Bitch!"."
"Ugh! No class," Moxxie complained.
"Anyway," he continued. "We still gotta avoid dealing with that bitch and her snake pit from Hell, so Millie, park the car. Sparkler Finger, Moxxie, Loony, company mascot; let's make sure whatever business they have doesn't end up fingering us up the A."
"Fuckng A," Eddie mumbled as he followed after the rest of them.
Millie caught the keys with a grin as Blitz tossed them to her, and the rest followed after the boss. They where in the elevator when they noticed the normally unbearable tunes were traded out with some lewd and raunchy lyrics that had Moxxie covering Eddie's ears in horror before Snow fried the speakers. Again.
"She works quick, I'll give her that," Blitz commented dismissively.
With a ding, they finally reached their floor.
"Do you think they saw me?" Loona worried as the doors opened. "Fuck! I did my makeup shitty today?!"
She blinked in confusion when she found her face nestled between both of Snow's hands, his gaze piercing and critical as he looked her over. A soft gulp made its way through her throat, like he was pulling out another one of his evaluation "tests".
With careful precision, one of his claws brushed methodically just above her brow, and one of his thumbs wiped gently along her cheek before he nodded appreciatively. "Hmm, there. Perfect."
Loona wanted to dunk her head in a bucket of ice-water as she pulled away. She pulled up a compact mirror, gently brushing her hair out of her face as she self-consciously looked herself over. Snow's observations aside, she couldn't get her face to stop burning.
"Hands off Caster White! My Loony is always perfect," Blitz cooed adoringly.
"Shut up da–" She caught herself, just as Blitz's eyes turned to stars. "Urg! Blitz!" she corrected in annoyance as she pushed him away. She sent a withered glare at Snow, who just smiled back. It was his fault, for always addressing Blitz as her dad. Now she was starting to do it.
Looking back down at her compact mirror, she didn't notice where she was walking until she hit a sturdy furry wall. "Oh." She looked up, only to meet the burly dark grey of hellhound fur. "Woah."
Blitz smirked, fully prepared for her to give the other 'hound a tongue lashing, only to gape in horror as her tail began swaying.
Snow quirked an eyebrow, but ultimately just sighed and shrugged. Assuming things wasn't going to do anyone any favors, and besides the fact that things were relatively steady, they were unspoken and unlabeled. So there was that. Still, he didn't sense anything like that from her.
"Um, hi– I'm, uh–" she stuttered out only for Blitz to cut her off.
"Hi, big man!" Blitz growled out as he forcefully stepped between Loona and the new 'hound. "Where's your bitch-bag of an employer?!"
"She's in her office," he stated evenly, turning to another door. "There wasn't room on second floor, so they rented one here on this one." With a shrug he added, "It was cheaper."
The I.M.P. logo of office 66 of the 6th floor was opposite and slightly down and opposite from office 69, which was now decked with purple neon hearts, and Verosika Mayday's initials spraypainted on the doors.
Eddie snorted. "A little on the nose."
"So that's who moved in next door," Snow commented, slightly annoyed, his ears flicking at all the sounds echoing from within.
"OH COME ON!" Blitz wailed.
"Hm, sorry man." Vortex was chill, moving to stand guard next to the door in question.
"Oh no you don't bitch!" Blitz growled back. "We have some serious work to do! Blowing people's heads off, and ransacking their newly slaughtered corpses for cold, dead cash! Do you know how hard it's going to be if every shmuck with a pulse and hard on is more worried about catching something from those leg and STD spreaders? Rather than their calculated and long-overdue revenge that we make money off of?!"
"What about the parking spot?" Eddie asked with a confused brow.
"What about the parking spot?" Blitz intoned back. "We can just get Paste n' Pastel to blow her car sky high if she takes it. And maybe a few times even if she doesn't."
"Glad to know I'm a valued member of this company," Snow deadpanned. A particularly loud sound moaned loudly, causing Snow to quietly corral Eddie away. "Yyyeah, not happening." He quickly turned to Moxxie. "I'll take him in before-"
UUUUUUUHH!
Moxxie winced at the sound. "Good idea."
"Way ahead of ya," Eddie replied, letting himself be pushed along as Snow lead them both into I.M.P.
"Maybe they can be reasoned with, sir," Moxxie stated hopefully. "I don't really listen to anything classified as pop-genre music, so her status to me is in name recognition alone–"
Blitz's eye twitched as his attempt to bask in his own bitter resentment toward that bitch was interrupted by the tonal drone of Moxxie's speaking, half of which he didn't even understand. "Moxxie! Shut the fuck up!" he growled out.
"Oh," Moxxie paused. "Alrighty then." With an apparent death wish, Moxxie walked toward the door, nodding respectfully toward Vortex, who nodded back. Opening it cascaded him in some boppin' jams as he slipped inside, revealing what seemed to be some cross between a dance floor and a recording booth.
"Hello! Miss Verosika, was it?" he started confidently, despite being surrounded by succubae and incubi. "I work for I.M.P. And it is actually rather important that we retain a more cohesive relationship going forward, both regarding the nature of each of our clientele, and in regard to the parking regulations that we were assigned upon–"
"Aw, look at the little one," one of Verosika's posse teased, a succubus with an afro. "He's got a wittle bow tie."
"Please don't condescend me, ma'am," Moxxie asked, his voice breaking as his confidence waned. "I–"
One of the incubi strolled forward behind him, causing him to shiver as he trailed a hand up across his shoulders. "You wan' a kissy, little guy," he offered in sultry tone.
"A kind offer, but… I'm married," Moxxie offered uneasily, even as they all took a step forward, boxing him in.
"Hey, why don't you send a little message from me back to your limp…dick… boss," Verosika stated, just before her and her entourage went full demon on him.
Even as Snow returned from settling Eddie down in the office with a juice box and some Fire Flakes. "Alright, so how we gonna deal with– Aaaand, where's Moxxie?"
It was Loona who tried to tell him. "Fatty went to talk with–"
"Oo! Don't touch that!" Moxxie called out in terror.
All five of Snow's pupils instantly slit. Before anyone could comment on the change, he had breezed past the guard 'hound, bursting through to door. His coat billowed as the arcane became touched with something… primal, at his witnessing Moxxie's state of struggling against the multiple demons bigger than him.
He was on the prowl in an instant, in a burst of speed, he was standing over Moxxie as his body rippled with white fur, his digits growing sharpened ebony claws, red markings bleeding from around his eyes to the rest of his exposed skin like tattoos. A pair of protrusions flattened back against his skull in a hostile pose as he hunched low.
The worst part though, was the spitting chattering that exited his mouth in a deep, cackle-like sound that reverbed with his throaty growling. Like the two tones were overlaid and resonating off each other in his throat. A sound that could almost split hairs.
"Back… off," he growled out as he swung Cazal'guur into a reverse-grip, his slit pupils narrowing by the moment. Once cat-like pupils began looking more and more like a snake's. Sword in one hand, and a coil of… something hazy… resting between his erect index and pinky finger as he aimed it at them.
"So the demon has claws," Verosika cooed in amusement.
Snow wasn't amused, and this reflected in diminishing humor on her face, as though his mere presence was sucking the joy right out of her smile. Most notable however was that even with the combined auras of seven succubae and incubi, and Verosika as a succubus siren, it did nothing to diminish the all-oppressive aura of the demon in front of them.
"How?" she wondered.
His grin was toothy, cruel, and something that alluded the monstrous. And the beautiful. "You have your Seduction. I have my Charms," he growled.
Her eyes widened at the singular point. It explained a lot, but it didn't explain how he was hard-countering all of them at once. Before both of them were interrupted.
"Silver?"
His five-pointed glare faltered slightly as all orbs whisked to the speaker, recognition dawning in his storm-filled eyes.
One of the succubae looked at him, reluctant, but a hopeful gleam in her eyes. The reddish tint to her skin was darker, her horns barely peaking out of a large brunette afro. She wore a sports bra under a skull emblazoned crop top. Her booty shorts hung loosely over fishnet leggings in a way that suggested she wasn't wearing any underwear, and a pair of plum purple designer boots. From the small of her back, a pair of miniscule bat-like wings seized in preparation to either relax or bolt.
"Coco?" he muttered, the magic in his hands wisping out like smoke vapor.
"Silver!" the succubus exclaimed as she ran forward.
Reverting so fast, it could give a guy whiplash, Snow was suddenly all human-like again as a big ol' grin split his face. Being as petite as she was, the succubus didn't even phase him as she barreled into him with a hug.
With a laugh, he spun her around, somehow completely avoiding stepping on Moxxie underneath him.
"Moxxie! Moxxie! Tell me they didn't get to any of your holes?!" Blitz called as he kicked open the door, preparing to fireman carry Moxxie out of a warzone. Only, it wasn't a warzone. Instead, Snuff-n'-Fluff was spinning one of those dick-sucking she-devils around. And he looked… genuinely happy.
"Shit! MEDIC! They got Winter Wonderhands!" he exclaimed. He turned around only to see Loona completely frozen up at the door, watching with an awkward tension as she looked down and away.
Still grinning like a boy, he finally set her down. "Haha! Coco, baby-girl! How ya doin'?!"
"Oh, you know, keeping it real," she stated, just as happy before elbowing him gently. "What about you, silver? Finally found a job you could keep?"
"Actually, I go by Snow now," he stated. "And yeah. It's been an interesting experience. Found something I'm consistently good at, and, I haven't accidently killed any of my co-workers yet."
Eh-hem!
Snow's ears perked as Verosika finished clearing her throat, a none-too-convincing smile on her face. "Coco. Why don't you introduce us to your… friend?"
"Introductions would be nice," Blitz teethed out. "Since when did you have a girlfriend?! Oh, don't tell me she's an ex too!"
"We didn't date," Snow replied with a straight look on his face. "And this is Coco. She's an old co-worker, Blitz. She made sure I kept my nose clean."
"Yeah! We're friends," she chirped, almost dragging him all of a couple feet to stand in front of her posse. "Guys! This is silver! Er…Snow. He worked security at Ozzie's back when I still danced there! This little heartbreaker single-handedly rejected every girl that worked there." She couldn't help the tease as she poked him in the stomach.
"You worked at Ozzie's?" Moxxie inquired, suddenly sitting up from the floor. Snow just sighed and nodded, offering him a hand up, which he took, quickly hopping to his hooves.
"Mmm, ladies not to your liking?" an incubus purred, only to freeze at Snow's piercing gaze.
"Thanks, but I am into women," he informed coldly, before his eyes turned warmly back to Coco. "And it wasn't the girls. Except Lashawndra. She tried bugging up my room with cameras and shit."
"Yeah," Coco admitted with a wince. "Lashawndra was a bit of a cunt."
"I just… wasn't in a good spot for a relationship," he stated carefully, self-aware of what ammunition he gave his audience.
"Well are you free now?" a thiccer succubus asked as she sauntered toward him.
"Milky! No!" Coco tried reprimanding her fellow succubus.
"Milky, yes," said succubus purred back.
He just quirked an eyebrow. "I got someone in mind. But thanks. I'm happy where I'm at." He smiled a little when he looked back at Loona. She somehow looked up and managed to give him a small one back.
The succubus just pouted. "The good ones always get snatched up quick."
"Oh, I'm sure he won't mind sharing," Verosika purred as she stepped forward, only to stop fast at the hiss of a sword through air as Snow leveled it between her eyes. His other hand whipped protectively in front of Moxxie as he leveled her with the darkest glare he could muster. To Verosika's credit, she just looked pissed off. "Do you have any idea who I am?!"
"As I've already established with my co-workers and friends… no, I don't," he stated firmly. "And I don't care either. Besides… I don't share. When it's mine, it's mine." He couldn't help the raspy little hiss that exited his sharpening teeth.
"Ugh! The prudish type," Verosika sniveled. "Let me guess: one girl, one relationship, closed and sealed?" The mockery was palatable.
"I also like long walks through the woods, malt scotch, love-making in the moonlight, and omusoba for breakfast," he mocked back with droll expression. Though whether he was serious or not was up for debate. "And yes, I'm the exclusive type. But also the possessive type." Well, at least he was self-aware.
"Uh, Verosika," Coco whispered nervously. Snow was very clearly protective of his co-workers. Just like he'd always been. It was a little different though. She'd seen that little smile he gave Verosika's ex's hellhound. "Maybe we shouldn't push them."
"Oh?" Verosika asked, a curious little curl to her tail as she cocked a hip to the side. "Any particular reason why? Want to keep him all to yourself? That's not very nice, Coco."
She winced at the implications, but it was a lot more serious than that. "He's, uh… He's the one who tore into Sitri."
It was silent for a beat, save for a stray cough from on of the incubi.
"Who the fuck is Sitri?!" Blitz demanded, only to receive a rumble from Snow.
"Ugh! House Sitri is one of the 72 Pillars you dumb-fuck!" Veroiska bit out. "A Goetia!"
"You tore into a Goetia?!" Blitz demanded. "Why am I just now hearing about this?!"
"But wasn't that just a rumor?" one of the other succubae asked.
Loona watched, both warily and with renewing interest. Like this was one of those secrets – intentional or not – that Snow kept.
"Um, guys?" Coco tried to interject, eyeing Snow nervously.
"Wait a moment!" Verosika demanded, casting out a hand as if to stop all the extra questions. "You're that guy?! The guy who ripped a Goetia's face off?!"
He just looked at the ceiling, rubbing the back of his neck at all the attention. But it was clear there was a brewing anger in his eyes. "I mean, he was a Goetia Spawn. And I didn't quite rip his face off. More like sliced it in half."
"There was a whole big fiasco about it, but it dropped really quick," one of the incubi stated. "Almost like they wanted it forgotten about."
The lights in the room suddenly got brighter, even as the darkness and shadows grew ever darker. Made even darker as Snow's five eyes almost seemed both to illuminate, and suck all the light out of the room. "That's because Dominique Sitri, the little fuck that he is, violated House rules! Big Time! The only reason his entrails weren't strung up like tinsel is because Big Daddy Sitri begged Lord Asmodeus for leniency. He's lucky it was just his face after what he did! That little bastard–!"
He whipped around at a hand on his arm, Coco gently, and even sadly smiling. He hadn't even realized he was huffing, or that his clenched hands had sprouted claws again. Or that his fur was erecting across his neck. Or that the silence was deafening.
He closed his eyes, breathing heavily, almost having to forcibly retract all his demonic features.
"So this is your coven?" he asked her gently, almost ashamedly as he quickly and indiscretely changed the subject.
Coco just nodded. "Yeah. Ozzie made sure I was offered the best. Safety in numbers and all that. I couldn't ask for a better coven. And I even got to meet someone special." She turned affectionately toward one of the other succubae.
She had her blonde hair pulled back in a bushy ponytail, and smiling dimples in her cheeks, a reddish-pink hue to her skin, and black tipped horns that stood straight over her hair. She wore overalled shorts that hugged her in all the right places. It was unzipped in the front, exposing a strapless bra. She wore designer heels and a pair of thin, entwining bangles on her right arm. Her legs were slim, and bare save for the tattoo that took up her left calf and shin: a snake coiling around a polished apple.
When she realized her girlfriend was referring to her, she blushed, giving something between a ditzy and nervous wave to Snow. Especially after that outburst of violence and power, even if she understood why.
"Good," he answered, his face going slack as though he was actively trying to put down a weight he couldn't help but carry. "I'm glad."
"Oh boo-hoo! Doesn't matter!" Blitz interjected in typical Blitz fashion. "I don't give a shit about all your mushy hunka-hunka-burnin'-junk shit! The simple matter is, you took my parking spot, assaulted my employee, are trash at singing in general, and now are sticking your mouth, crotch, and ass, along with all the ungodly noises those make, right across from my business!"
In the middle of his boss's rant Moxxie started as Snow tapped him on the shoulder, pointing at his cheeks. He realized he had some lipstick on his face that he furiously tried to wipe off only to look up at his shoulder was gently nudged. Snow was offering him a wipe, which he took gratefully.
"That won't stand! So I'm challenging you to a fucking… challenge!" His head keeled back in exasperation. "Fuck! I said that twice."
"Yeah, it was a strong start until you said that," Snow commented.
"Oh? Is this little imp boy starting a demon duel?" another succubus prompted with a moan.
"I think he is," Verosika said letting out a little excited gasp. "What's the game then? Blitzo."
"Every year, you STD-spreaders go up topside for easy pickings, while Spring Break is a prime time for crime of all kinds!" he stated, just having to stick another insult in there. "So I bet, you sucu-bitches can't fuck as many people as we can off, by the end of the day."
A snort came from one of the incubi, which quickly escalated into the enter coven laughing at the terms of Blitz's bet.
He just narrowed his eyes in challenge.
"Oh? Oh you're serious," Verosika realized. "Well then, I want conditions."
"Conditions?" Blitz wondered.
"If we win, All-Claws-And-Teeth over there gets to come and work for me," she purred out, eyeing Snow up. "Actual protective types are such a rare find down here… I'm sure you understand. And I'm sure we can offer him some much better… benefits." Then added quickly, "Oh, and pay better too."
"I'm literally right–" Snow grumbled.
"Blitz, I don't think that's–" Loona started, only for both of them to get talked over.
"Mmm-hmm. I'm listening," he nodded with a focused look on his face, talking over both of them.
"And if we lose, I'll gladly admit defeat. I'll even leave your parking spot alone." She smiled smugly, and it was clear that ticked Blitz off.
"Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, yeah," Blitz nodded long as though he was listening intently. "Sounds good, but I'll need you to sweeten it up a bit."
"Huh?" she quirked in confusion. The Blitz(o) she knew would have gobbled that up.
"Ya see," Blitz drew out as though he was talking to the slow. "Snow is an intricate part of this company. Losing him would be a… well, a blow. Not sure 'bout the logistics of it, but according to those boring weekly meetings Moxxie insists on, the money talks, and it says that Snow is making us bank. Certainly above the ante of a parking spot that's already mine anyway. Losing that for a week is hardly a fair exchange.
"Those magic hands have pulled us some extra moola to burn. And that little protective streak of his? Dicks-down has kept our asses out of the fire more than once. Not to mention he occasionally brings us coffee and keeps the office from smelling like those cheap bum cigarettes all our clients keep dragging.
"So yeah, I get know exactly how rare of a demon he is," Blitz stated clearly, never once losing his pissed attitude.
"He complimented you. And did he just say your name correctly?" Loona asked, head lopping to the side in confusion.
"Did he just put your value higher than a parking spot?" Moxxie agreed. "And my financial meetings aren't boring!"
"This feeling? It's almost… warm and fuzzy," Snow commented as he clutched his chest, lost somewhere between confusion and disgust. All he had to do was give it a moment and Blitz would probably–
"I'll tell you what, if we win, on top of all that, you have to write the jingles for I.M.P. Free of charge," Blitz stated with a shark-like grin. "And none of that half-assed crap. I want the good shit! A little expansion on the clientele demographic." There it was.
"That… actually made sense?!" Moxxie stated, unable to wrap his head around Blitz's sudden business acumen.
"Aaand it's gone," Snow sighed, getting an understanding pat on the arm from Moxxie the next moment.
"Blitz, you can't just–" Loona tried interjecting.
"Deal," Verosika stated, shaking hands with Blitz even though it seemed borderline painful for her to do so. Over both their hands, a glowing red pentagram formed in the air, sealing the terms of the demon duel. "Game on. Bitch."
She didn't hesitate to walk over and grab Snow by the junk, which caused Loona to let out a warning growl, an action that left the 'hound confused. Snow quickly gripped the succubus's wrist, squeezing it until she let go with a playful little laugh. "Can't wait to have you and your… exceptional skills… working with us."
"I'm average," he growled out as he pushed her hand away.
"See you soon," she smirked, walking back to her posse with a lot more hip in her step than usual. It was off-putting, and not as attractive as she thought it was.
With a confident smirk, Blitz began walking out. "C'mon gang! We got a bet to win!"
Sighing heavily, Snow turned to follow. Before he could take off completely though, he caught Coco waving at him with a gentle smile. "See ya soon, sil- I mean, Snow."
He gave a little smile back and a wave for good measure. "Likewise. Take care, Coco."
Now he just had to not get the screw-end of this deal.
As soon as they left, everyone turned to Coco. "So who is that guy, and what are the chances of us actually winning?" Josh, one of the incubi, asked pointedly.
"Josh!" Verosika snapped, growling at her underling. But in reality, she was more concerned about bruises forming on her wrist. Whatever demon he was, he had one Helluva grip, and no reservations about using it. It was almost a turn off.
Almost.
"You saw him, right?" Ace, another of the incubi, pointed out with a hand on his hip as he looked at the door with an almost stern expression. But underneath that was a bundle of nerves and heart palpitations more akin to a rabbit after what he had just witnessed. "V, that was all rage and control. If that's what we're up against, we're fucked."
"And without the grace of calling it love-tap," Milky added, crossing her arms sternly.
Apple gently walked over to Coco, gently rubbing her girlfriend's forearms comfortingly. Talking about Ozzie's was rarely a happy occasion, but seeing someone as livid as she felt over the matter did ease her mind a little.
"Yeah," Kiki, another succubus, agreed before frowning at the door. "And that wasn't a normal transformation either. Who uses a human disguise in Hell?"
"It was volatile," Kat, the last incubus, stated.
"Honestly, I don't know much," Coco admitted, gently squeezing her girlfriend's hand as she reminisced a little. "He was quiet, did his job, and kept mostly to himself. Even when you got close to him, there's always this... wall he never let anyone cross."
Snap!
Verosika snapping her fingers together redrew everyone's attention. "Listen up, sluts! It doesn't really matter. Terms have already been agreed to." She lifted her hand, pointing out the pentagram that now glowed over the back of her hand. "As things stand, we have the better end of the deal either way. But I don't aim on losing, so quit your shit-talk." Her features slowly morphed as pink smoke and light bent around her, her more demonic features fading in a swirl and haze as a human disguise took shape around her. "I think it's time Verosika Mayday and crew made a surprise appearance."
I.M.P. Conference Room
Blitz was starting to sweat bullets as multiple pairs of eyes bored into him, like they were trying to figure out the most painful, bloodiest way to tear him apart.
"Let me get this straight," Millie said slowly. "You went and made a bet with your ex?"
"Uh… yeah."
"Oh, but not just a bet. A "Demon Duel"?" she inquired.
"Mm-hmm."
"Where we get to keep the parking spot that's already ours?"
"Yep."
"And we get some… well the jingles part isn't so bad," Millie admitted before shaking her head. "That little bit on the line… but they could get Snow?"
"Uh-huh," Blitz nodded.
"And you agreed to this?" she asked, turning to Snow, who looked extra put out.
"Not. At. All."
"Blitz," Millie said, grabbing his attention as she clasped her hands together. "Respectfully… ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!" Her sudden rage was enough to put Blitz on the backfoot.
"Uh–"
"HUSH NOW!" she ordered. "Did you not listen to any of Moxxie's finance meetings?! I mean I didn't understand most of it myself, but what I did understand, was that thanks to Snow, we were nearly in the green! THE! GREEN!"
"I thought I made those meetings comprehensive," Moxxie muttered dejectedly.
"Barely. It's your boring ass voice," Loona jabbed, but that seemed to be enough perk Moxxie's spirits a little. Because if Loona understood a bit of it, then there was hope yet.
"I mean I caught a little bit of i–" Blitz started, only to draw silent again as Millie continued.
"Do you even know how expensive houses are?!" she demanded, jumping up on the table.
"Huh?" His head cocked in confusion.
"A LOT! Okay?! A lot!" She started pacing across the table, her nerves fried. "Why do you think I let Mox handle the house shoppin'?! Because the Souls on some of those places are–" She began sputtering and wheezing, like she didn't even know how to formulate the level of stress it was. "And Moxxie?! Moxxie works great under financial stress!"
"Love you, honey," Moxxie whispered to the side.
"I love you too," she responded with a chipper smile, before she was suddenly furious again, glaring back at Blitz. "And now?! Now you're tryin' ta trade 'im like he's cheap feed! This company hasn't been so financially stable! EVER!"
"What?! You think I'd bet Powder Poof without being confident about our chances?!" Blitz stated suddenly.
"Say huh?" Millie blinked, looking half-stunned. And the rest of the crew were right there with her.
"Believe it or not, Mills, I do occasionally take an interest in the paper-pusher side of this company, even if it's boring as fuck," Blitz stated, absently waving it off. "I may just skim through most of it, but even I'm not that thick."
"With all due respect, sir," Moxxie interjected, "that's horseshit."
"Look, we've done more jobs, had fewer hospital visits, we were able to not only restock our supplies, we now have the beginnings of an armory. Not to mention the fuck-ton of scratch on the human side of things," Blitz explained, hands spread across the table as he stood up, before pointing at the pentagram that now took up the back of his hand. "All honesty, we don't even need the bedbug-infested crotch of that whore to do the jingles. I just wanted to stick it to her, and making a bet was the way to do it. We have Snort-Cake and all the bullshit powers he keeps pulling out, so we are gonna win!"
"His confidence is… new," Snow muttered out. "And it disturbs me."
"Now that you've heard my riveting explanation…." He quickly smacked a pile of hand-drawings onto an easel. "…PLAN TIME!
"Alright! Eyes forward and assholes puckered!" he called out, drawing the attention of those who were otherwise not engaged. "This is how we're gonna do this shit!
"First! We find a fuck-ton of clients…," he stated, pointing to a poorly drawn rendition of the gang, and a bunch of clients dropping at their feet with moneybags.
"…We portal up…," he continued, followed by a huge portal swallowing the group, clients and all.
"…We have our fun murder-time, as per usual…." Que a picture of Moxxie, Millie, and Blitz shooting people while it showed Loona biting a guy's head off, and Snow was cutting a head off with his sword while launching little cartoony fireballs.
"Do I have a wizard's hat on?" Snow asked, squinting all five eyes to get a better look at it.
"…We pile all the bodies into a big fucking canoe…," Blitz ignored him, pointing to a picture of the gang looking way too happy as they tossed bodies into a canoe-shaped boat named the 'S.S. CUM GUTTER'.
"…We push said canoe into some water…." Again, way too happy as the gang pushed the 'S.S. CUM GUTTER from a dock.
"…We light it on fire to attract the sharks, and eagles and shit. Maybe a goose too! Fuck it…!" he proclaimed, a bunch of said animals attacking and biting onto said canoe.
"…They come and eat the bodies…." Some giant octopus monster consumed the canoe whole.
"…We win the bet…." The gang is surrounded by confetti while Loona wears a party hat a blows on a party horn.
"…We rub it in that sloppy bitches' drunkin' whore-ass face…." A picture of Verosika getting the middle finger from each and every one of them.
"…Do you have any questions?" he stated, finishing on a picture of Verosika breaking down crying.
"I am not wearing a fucking party hat," Loona stated immediately.
"Aren't you missing something?" Snow stated, one of the papers surrounded by blue energy trailing up at his beckon. It was the picture of the sharks, eagles, and goose attacking the canoe. "Shouldn't you have added a guy from Florida?"
Blitz looked ready to protest before drawing back and grabbing his chin in thought. "That's actually a good point."
"Are you guys serious?!" Moxxie exclaimed before turning to Blitz. "Why was that nonsense?!"
"That wasn't a question," Blitz stated back.
"The was a question," Moxxie returned in an almost condescending tone. "Why wasn't that a plan?"
"I'm sorry, but that was a flawless presentation of what we should do, Mox. It's not my fault you got a smooth little brain upstairs," Blitz shot back.
"A what now?" Moxxie asked in confusion.
"I'm calling you slow, Moxxie. God, why don't you learn to take criticism you talentless, baby-dicked troll!"
"Well why don't you take an art class!" Moxxie replied angrily, standing on the table like his wife had just a few moments ago.
"Why don't you see HOW EXPENSIVE THEY ARE?!" Blitz raged back, lifting and tossing Moxxie back into his seat.
"Expenses would be less of a problem, sir, if someone didn't keep trying to skim off of everyone else just to fuel his miniature horse collection!" Moxxie growled back, jumping to his feet in his chair.
"Those figurines are vintage!" Blitz snapped.
"They're a sham!" Moxxie yelled back.
"ENOUGH!"
Everything went silent at Millie's shout.
"So looks like I'm joining on this one," Loona stated with some assertion from her phone.
"Normally Loony, I'd only be mildly resistant," Blitz explained. "But not this time. Absolutely not! Sorry, Sweetie, but it's not gonna happen. Spring Break is no place for young, vulnerable goth girls! You know the kind of FREAKS up there who'd drool all over you!"
Snow subtly looked at the readers with quirked eyebrow, before turning back to the conference table. "I don't know about "vulnerable", but this isn't exactly the time to be holding back, Blitz. Loona's more than capable enough," he stated firmly. "Plus, if recent assignments are anything to go off of, then she's been getting better."
Loona blushed at the praise. "Yeah, and… well, I can also blend in with humans easy enough. And… Snow has a point. With him on the line, holding back is the worst move you could make. Oh! And I can do this now!"
With excitement befitting a child, Loona held out both her hands, small wispy red flames sputtering off her palms. The flames kept changing size rapidly, unregulated as Loona attempted to keep control.
"You can do magic?" Millie asked.
"I mean… it's all pretty small compared to what Snow can do, but… he's a pretty good teacher…." She trailed off nervously, bordering on uneasily.
Blitz just stared at her wide-eyed. "Say that again?"
Confused, she made little pops and crackles come off her hands. "Snow… taught me magic?"
"Rrright," Millie drew out with a teasing smirk, before air-quotiing, ""Magic"."
"Oh believe me, we'll get to that eventually," Blitz stated with a glare toward Snow, who didn't back down in the slightest. "Nono, before that."
"Holding back is a shit move?" she inquired.
"Further," he stated.
"Snow was right?"
"First thing!"
"Um… I can blend in with humans?" she quired.
"Do you have a human disguise?" Millie asked curiously.
"Uh, yeah," Loona replied in a no-duh tone. "It's the most common practice of magic known to demons. Snow taught me the harder aspects of it. Though, he also went into a lecture on the differences between the shapeshifting and the illusion aspects of it, but it's literally the minimum requirement for going to Earth."
The imps all exchanged brief, tellingly blank glances.
"You mean to tell me that all the times we've been up on Earth, you guys not changing wasn't because you chose not to, but because you couldn't?" she asked with a growl. "It's literally a requirement!" All three imps nodded and shrugged, like it wasn't that big of a deal. With a glare, she whipped around to the one person she expected to know better. "Snow!"
"There were no witnesses," he stated. "I fried all the electronics, and I made sure everywhere we went was clean of our presence… while also taking their money. I kept my tabs."
She breathed a little easier, but whipped back around to glare at Blitz. "Is that why you guys keep putting Snow on recon? Because he can actually blend in?!"
"Okay, new plan!" Blitz declared as he grabbed the paper Snow had left suspended, quickly flipping it over to the back as he began drawing furiously. "Since Loony and Milk-White can do their little "disguise" thing, we'll have them lure the humans and we'll take care of the rest. How 'bout that?"
The picture was of Snow and Loona, surrounded by a bunch of humans with little hearts above their heads, while Moxxie, Millie, and Blitz were in the upper corners with weapons pointed down on them. Blitz even gave himself a rocket launcher.
"I mean, I haven't really tried Charming anyone on that level before," Snow stated uneasily.
"Charming?" Moxxie asked.
"It's like a succubus or incubus Seduction," he explained. "Save Seduction just hits your arousal templates with a sledgehammer, while Charm is more subtle and is about enhancing likeable qualities. Only certain sub-races of demon are even capable of developing those powers, but there is some debate about whether one evolved from the other."
Blitz looked confused. "Say what now?"
"Seduction makes you extremely horny, and Charm makes your better more appealing," Moxxie dumbed down for him, looking at Snow for confirmation. Snow just nodded back.
"You understood that?" Blitz inquired in confusion.
"You didn't?" Moxxie prodded back.
"Look! Point is, I'm not a master of it, okay?" Snow interrupted before it could devolve into another argument. Sighing, he rubbed the back of his neck tiredly. "It's not something I like using."
"Well, we didn't even know you had it, so it's a welcome addition," Blitz dismissed nonchalantly. "So how's it work? Do you look any different?"
Sighing, Snow let that particular ability wash over him, simply looking off to the side. A normal action to be sure, but at that moment, to them, it looked as though it was the most elegant and appealing thing. He even had little floating stars that seemed to appear around him, his movements accentuated by an almost invisible sheen.
"My…God… Snow, you look like a Shonen protagonist looking out a window," Blitz stated with a look of admiration.
At that, Snow deadpanned, letting his "Charms" fade. He was just normal Snow. "Aaand that's why I don't use it." He turned to gauge everyone's reactions. Moxxie had stars in his eyes, Millie was fanning her face and breathing deeply, and Loona…. Loona had drawn her knees to her chest and buried her muzzle in it, her ears practically smoking with heat.
"Oh no. He's hot," she muttered.
"If that's the affect it has, I can't wait to see what it does to the suckers up top!" Blitz declared. "Anything else to share with the class, Rock Dust?!"
"Plenty," Snow deadpanned, realizing he could have gotten away without revealing that skill. Him and his big maw. "But I'm not going to."
"But whhhyyyy?!" Blitz whined out.
"Sir, despite Snow's… unsurprising skill," Moxxie tried, "we still have one crucial issue: we still need enough clients to demand enough kills to win this bet. We aren't just going up there to massacre!"
Blitz just smiled easily enough. "I got that covered Mox."
On the Street Outside the I.M.P. Building
Blitz ripped a handful of overlapping "Missing", "Lost Pet", and "Yard Sale" signs off a power pole. Quickly, he took a stick of glue and wiped it over the back before slapping the new sign over the bare spot.
The sign read "SPRING BREAK. VICTIM 50% OFF", with a picture of Blitz posing suspiciously like the Monopoly man, while another picture showed someone getting shot in half. And also horses. Blitz drew a few of those. In barren corner it read in far smaller writing, "Courtesy of I.M.P."
"And now… we wait," Blitz stated, proud of his latest "masterpiece".
Moxxie immediately went to protest. "Sir, there is no way we are going to get enough clients by the end of the day with one poorly spelled, bad grammar flyer!"
"Oh ye of little faith," Snow stated with a grin, pointing at a sudden lineup of demons that hadn't been there before, all looking intently at that same flyer. "There's a beauty in simplicity, Mox, because in reality, life is complex, varied and generally a mess, and truly simple things are almost non-existent. Give people something simple, and they will always take it over the complex, because people and demons alike are cheap, and prefer to do things easily. The more simple you make things, the less people try to understand complexity, the less complicated and more simple their minds become, and the more prone they are to remaining simple. Never doubt the effectiveness of simplicity on the masses, Moxxie. And that is our lesson in marketing for today."
"See! Snow gets it!" Blitz stated, gently elbowing Moxxie as he began marching toward their new clients. "Now! Who's up first?"
Author's Note: Don't forget to READ and REVIEW! ^^
And now the first part of "Spring Broken"!
Another radio segment piece and another alarm clock trashed. Just Snow starting his routine day.
Starts virtually the same with plenty of added and changed details, with plenty of familiar ones too. Millie being acting-momma for the whole group and Verosika hitting Stryx with a car door. While some renditions of Helluva Boss were sympathetic to Verosika's end of hers and Blitz's relationship... they both struck me as toxic and just stuck with the idea that they're both shitty demons.
Snow's enters the scene because his bike was hit.
With Snow and Vortex meeting, I didn't want them to just start ripping into each other, despite the mild appeal that line of thinking has for me. Vortex just struck me as too chill and not normally an initiator of violence, and Snow wasn't going to start an unnecessary fight. He wasn't going to take shit about paying for the car that hit his bike though.
Verosika gives Snow the bedroom eyes, and Snow isn't impressed. Or available.
I debated how I wanted Snow to move Verosika's car, and I thought it would just be best to go with the original method I envisioned for it. So yeah, Snow cuts it straight down the middle and blows up the pieces so Millie can park it.
While Loona almost started to call Blitz "dad" in the original, I wanted a little more buildup before the pay off. With Snow constantly referring to Blitz as her dad, it gave the slip some substance to back it up.
Snow also interrupts Moxxie getting molested with a pure threat of violence.
Snow's interactions with Coco were part of a callback to the Prologue where it's mentioned that Snow worked at Ozzie's. The ripping into a Goetia was expanded on a bit as well. It also subtly explain why Snow wasn't just executed for tearing apart a demon of higher standing than him. Asmodeus's (being a Sin) house rules were broken, Snow did his job, Goetia wants Snow punished but Dominque Sitri fucked up, so the compromise is Snow gets booted. There's still a lot of subtext, but it paints a slightly clearer picture.
And pointing out that Snow is prudish (for Hell), and maybe a bit of a romantic.
When constructing the terms of the bet, I wanted it a little more than just, "You're only here for a week, but I still want my parking spot that was mine in the first place". If Verosika was doing some work for another company, chances were she would have gotten her own spot, so the fact she took Blitz's was just her being petty. So Verosika dragging Snow into the mix (despite his clear disdain for her) was an attempt to short-change them, but adding in that she has to do I.M.P. jingles, while still an unbalanced trade, gave it more to work with.
While Blitz never struck me as particularly interested in the details or the paperpushing, he seems self-aware enough where it's important, and he knows how much Snow has brought the company up. Even if he doesn't read the paperwork, or listen to Moxxie's boring financial meetings, he gets that they're not only doing better, but their expanding in their own little way that they hadn't before. And it might just be me, but Blitz does seem to recognize talent when it smacks him in the face.
When making the deal, there was nothing tangible in the show about how they keep their ends of the bet, especially since it was pointed out that they initiated a "Demon Duel" which we have no context for. Sealing the deal with a pentagram and both parties being marked by it shows that in some way, it is something being enforced.
And Verosika's posse isn't as sure about going up against I.M.P. as they were in the series, especially with an unknown like Snow. All they have is a story and a brief interaction to get the measure of him.
Millie unloads into Blitz. It always struck me as odd how Millie just always went with the flow when it came to Blitz's plans. But now with more on the line, and some semblance of improving their own lives, she's not as receptive.
Blitz spells out his reasoning, even if cheap and substantial on some level, also demonstrates a level of cunning and sense that you'd expect in a demon from Greed. While still a dick move, it's at least partially calculated. But his plans are still shit.
Loona gets to show off the results of her training a little.
The bit with her explaining her "blending in with humans" was altered a little, due to her joining the team more frequently on jobs. Same with it being a "requirement" for going to Earth. As well as how much Snow has been covering for the group.
A little depth into explaining another of Snow's abilities, and a little more pointing to what type of demon he is.
Moxxie gets a little lesson in marketing from Snow.
Heads-up: Next chapter will get right into "Spring Broken". This one is exciting for me, because this Episode has one of the scenes that inspired me to write this story. It's gonna be intense (for me anyway), and I can't wait to share it!