A little trivia -
Niiara means "utmost purpose" in Swahili
Shee means "peace" in Manx
Jaak (I added an extra a) means "strong" in Croatian
Training with Pybara and Shee began.
Shee had taken Goku back to the strange empty white building where they had first met, where Pybara was waiting for them. Goku was very confused when they first entered the room, to find it completely empty, with no sign of any kind of training equipment. It seemed there was more to that room than meets the eye. It only took Shee a few seconds to press some buttons, for the room to completely transform into a training arena.
The training they had him undertake wasn't what he expected, either. It was more than obvious that Goku was well above anyone on Yardrat in terms of strength and power, and yet they used very basic means to train him. They had him lifting insanely heavy weights, running with metal chains, thick and heavy like something you would see attached to an anchor on a large cruise ship. They had him picking up large, heavy boulders and rolling them back and forth the room. Goku was using different styles of fighting, alongside martial arts. They had him boxing and dodging targets that were flung at him.
It did get his blood pumping, but it wasn't particularly difficult for him. He wondered where this was going to get him, because so far, it did nothing. Goku stopped rolling the 30 foot boulder in front of him and turned to face Pybara and Shee.
"I don't wanna sound ungrateful or anythin', but I don't understand why I'm doin' this. This trainin' isn' much of a challenge for me". Pybara laughed.
"Of course it's not. But your body has been healing, you need to start little and light, before moving to big and heavy" Pybara told him.
"With all due respect, I'm not your average person. I'm a Saiyan. My body is healed an' ready to go. I don't need to start little an' light".
"You Saiyans always were so full of yourselves" Shee chimed in. Goku frowned.
"I'm not like the other Saiyans. An' I'm not full of myself, I just know my body an' I know I'm ready".
"You're ready, huh? Let's see you transform then" Shee pushed, crossing his arms over his chest.
"Uh ... you ... wanna see me transform?" Goku stuttered out.
"Well, if you are indeed ready, then it shouldn't be a problem, no?" Shee questioned him with a smirk on his face. Goku didn't like being taunted like that. He'd show him. He'd wipe that smile off his face.
Goku planted his feet and took a deep breath. He closed his eyes and tried to focus on his energy. Shee and Pybara felt the room start to shake, the ground trembling beneath their feet. They watched closely as Goku clenched his jaw, his eyes shut tightly as his Ki rocketed. But he was struggling, his body was shaking, the sweat pouring down his brow. His eyebrows were knitted together in frustration as he tried hard to find the Super Saiyan power within him.
His power was something they had never felt before, but it was clear Goku had no control of it as he struggled to summon it. Just as quickly as his power ascended, Goku let it completely drain out of him. He stood there, irritated, his eyes glaring at the ground, his fists clenched at his sides.
"Why can't I do it, damn it!" he spoke bitterly.
"Because you're not ready" Shee reminded him.
"But I feel just fine! My body is healed, I am ready!" Goku countered.
"But your mind is not" Pybara added, walking up to the young Saiyan.
"I don't understand" Goku commented dejectedly.
"You have a troubled mind, Son Goku. I can see it, I can feel it. And that disconnects it from your body. So, you are not ready. You might not see it right now, but you will see it. These things take time". Shee told him.
"How much time?"
"That all depends on you. You are in control of that part". Pybara answered him. Goku huffed out a breath and glanced down at his boots. This was not what he wanted to hear.
So, training continued. All day long, 6 days a week, and it got harder, the weights got heavier and the laps got longer.
They kept telling him, he needed to get his mind and body back into shape, before the real training began.
It was mentally and physically draining, getting harder as each day passed. They had him running, lifting weights, pushing and pulling heavy objects, dodging targets, alongside an obscene amount of push-ups and sit-ups. But they also had him meditating, pressing for him to achieve a calm mind. But his mind was not calm. And it was completely draining him.
And to make matters worse, Goku still couldn't control his new found power. He still couldn't transform at will.
And it was beginning to piss him off.
He was panting heavily, the sweat streaming down his face, his chest and back glistening with moisture. He let the heavy weights drop from his hands, a crashing sound echoing throughout the entire training room. He stood in front of the many floor mirrors of the Yardratian training gym and stared at his reflection. He noticed how tired he looked, how his massive bare, upper body was covered in marks and bruises from training. There were also a few bruises on his legs. He wiped the sweat from his brow and the side of his face with his arm and rubbed it into his black, spandex training shorts.
He looked at himself and he was angry. He was disappointed. He was embarrassed.
He was supposed to be the man who defeated Frieza. The legendary Super Saiyan. He was Son Goku. Yet, here he was, a complete an utter failure, unable to conjure up the power he had on Namek. Goku watched through the mirror as Shee approached him. Shee could feel Goku's frustration radiating off of his body, like thick smoke from a flame.
"Talk to me, Son Goku" Shee spoke, his eyes on Goku through the mirror.
"How did I have control of it on Namek, but now I don't? I was able to drop in and out of it more than once, and now I can't do it at all. I know you said my head ain't in it, but my head weren' exactly on straight when I was on Namek, either."
"What happened on Namek, to cause you to transform?" Shee asked him.
Goku felt his breath catch in his throat. This wasn't the first time Shee had asked him about what happened on Namek. And he still didn't know how to answer that.
Shee sensed Goku's reluctance to share, something Goku did often. The man could easily walk around the house as naked as a jaybird, with absolutely no shame. A sight Shee had seen way too many times to count. He would openly talk about a variety of different things, and would happily share stories of his past adventures.
But the man shut down when it came to the deeper conversations. It was like an automatic reflex, something he taught himself in order to protect himself. Shee learnt very quickly, Goku's innate personality traits. Shee had a gift whereby he could feel a person's energy, and know what kind of person they were. He could feel their distress, their frustration, fears and happiness. He also observed their behaviours and studied their reactions.
Goku was a case he hadn't experienced before. Goku's energy, although pure and calm for the most part, was also very chaotic on times. He noticed Goku was a very sociable person and loved being around people and doing things with others, but he also got bored very quickly. He was a restless man, bouncing off the walls, constantly needing to burn off the extreme amount of energy he had coursing through his body. It was no wonder the man took afternoon naps and slept like a log most nights. He must exhaust himself on a daily basis, just by being himself.
Goku was an open book in most aspects, and seemingly appeared to be quite trusting of others very quickly. Goku always seemed to see the good in others, and that very quickly outweighed all the bad in that person. Shee could see this being both a strength and a weakness of Goku's. But there were different forms of trust, and Goku wasn't open to them all.
Goku was openly communicative, honest (aside from the odd little white lie, like he didn't break the front door off when opening it the other day. He definitely did. And no, he didn't take the last pack of sugar buns. Totally was him) and he was helpful and always showing ways in which he cared for others. Goku was more of an action guy, rather than verbally expressing his emotions to someone. Goku was playful and would smile and act silly and ruffle Jaak's hair, and that coming from Goku, was his way of saying he cared about the boy and felt comfortable around him.
But on the flip side, Goku also found it hard to communicate certain things and he was not open to vulnerability. He did not like feeling vulnerable and certainly didn't like not being in control of his emotions and his body. Hence why this whole Super Saiyan ordeal was really playing on his mind. Goku was a guarded man. Shee didn't know what caused Goku's guarded behaviour, but he certainly was guarded. He had trouble expressing the more intimate emotions, and would quickly change the subject to avoid talking about certain things.
Shee sighed lightly as he continued to observe Goku. It was going to be a challenge to chip away at the walls Goku put up around himself. Shee had a lot of work to do, in gaining Goku's trust, to help Goku open up to him. But Goku also needed to meet him half way.
He needed to talk about what happened on Namek.
Goku sniffed through his nose and wiped his brow with his woven shirt as he finished his chores for the day. He tucked his shirt into the waistband of his slacks and he stood back, pleased with himself, taking in all the different crops he had planted on the small family's farm. It was the season to plant, and so, to make up for destroying the house and to show his gratitude for being able to stay with them, Goku offered to help them prepare their land.
He walked back a few feet and perched himself on an old, flat tree stump, grabbing his flask of water next to him. He swallowed down the cool liquid, a pleasing hum rumbling from his throat as the drink quenched his thirst. He then poured the rest over his face and chest. Yardrat was hot. It was always hot. It was rare they had a day where the weather was remotely cool. It was hard to adjust to, even now after a few months in.
He exhaled and held his drink in his hand as he stared out at the farmland, only a few miles out from the family's home. He couldn't help but smile as memories came flooding in from the good ole days where he and Krillin trained under Master Roshi. The old man had them doing milk runs, farming, construction work, doing laps in the lake. Goku chuckled as he remembered being chased by sharks and then the evening training, where the old master had them dodging angry bees.
It was tiring work, and Goku questioned the crazy man's methods, but it certainly worked and Goku became a lot stronger because of it. He also had a lot more understanding and respect for such hard labor. And it helped him when he grew up. He didn't understand the need for a job, as he was use to living off the land, but he helped out a lot at the Ox King's Kingdom, and he also helped build the home he shared with his wife and son. He wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed, but he knew the basic construction of a home, how to plant crops and plough a field. He knew the land and knew how to hunt for food, skinning the animals he caught and then cooking them on a hand-made roast pit.
His eyes saddened as he thought about the things that had happened since then. Times were so simple back then, even in the early days of his marriage to Chichi. He never would have thought he'd find out he had an alien brother and that he would travel through Space to another planet to fight an evil tyrant who was responsible for wiping out his race.
His race.
He wasn't human, like he thought he was. He was a Saiyan. He was an alien, from another planet.
he was a monster.
His mind soared with the many memories of Namek, but his thoughts suddenly led him to Vegeta.
Vegeta. A complete scumbag, but someone Goku couldn't let go of. He couldn't kill him back on Earth, he needed him alive. He brought out this excitement in Goku, and he couldn't explain it at the time, but he needed to fight him again. Goku started to wonder if it was his Saiyan blood that created that need, that gave him this undeniable instinct for battle.
Goku thought back to when he spoke to Vegeta on Namek. The words still galloped through his mind, like a herd of wild horses...
"Kakarot, how dare you give up! You're a Saiyan warrior! Take some pride in your heritage!"
"I am not a Saiyan like you!"
"Please, stop trying to convince yourself! You are a Saiyan, whether you like it or not! Accept it!"
"Just stop! None of that matters now anyway, even together we couldn' ..." Goku suddenly trailed off, realisation hitting him that Vegeta was dead. How was he even talking to him?
"Vegeta .. where-" He was cut off as Vegeta appeared in front of him, almost like a mirage.
"The blood in your veins, that perfect instinct for battle, there's no denying what you are. Reach down deep, feel the pain of all of us who failed. Your brethren were all decimated, your home world lost, does it not enrage you to stand before the man responsible for driving us to extinction? My father, your father, gone, dead, killed by him, Lord Frieza! You are the last of our kind, Kakarot. Everything we were survives now only in you, and he won't rest until every trace of that has vanquished, because he's haunted every day and night by a single, overriding fear! That the legendary Super Saiyan will rise up from the ashes and obliterate him. I dreamt, I yearned to be the one to avenge us, yet he battered and broke me just as he did the others. Unless you're the one to finish this, we will be lost, lost forever to the memory of time. This is on you, now, Kakarot. You must destroy Frieza"
Goku felt the gentle wind caress his face as he stared out into the field.
"Vegeta" he whispered into the air.
Nearly 5 months had gone by, and Goku was finishing up his training for the day. He had removed his training top, hand made and gifted to him by the Yardratians, and used it to wipe the sweat from his brow and the back of his neck. That's when a sudden deep voice entered his head.
'Son Goku. I am Porunga, and I have been summoned to bring you back to Earth'
"What? Bring me back to Earth?" Goku questioned out loud. Porunga ... that was the name of the dragon on Namek. His eyes went wide. His friends were trying to wish him back, right there, at that very moment!
'Do you accept?' the Dragon's voice boomed in Goku's head.
"No!" Goku blurted out. By now, Pybara and Shee were watching him curiously, wondering who he was talking to.
'You do not accept the wish?' Porunga wanted to clarify.
"I can't" Goku barely managed to answer him, "I'm not ready".
'Very well. I will tell them you refuse to return'
"Wait! Don't just tell 'em that! It's not like I don't wanna go home! 'Cause I do! I really do! But I need more time. Please tell them I will be back soon, when I'm ready".
'I will tell them you will return when you are ready. Farewell'
Goku felt Porunga's presence leave him and his eyes simply stared at the ground below him.
"Son Goku, is everything okay?" Shee questioned him.
Goku remained silent as he stared at the ground. Porunga was telling his family and friends that he refused to come home. That he wasn't ready and would return when he was. And that made him sick to his stomach. How was Chichi and Gohan going to take that? He felt like the worst person in the entire Universe.
"Son Goku?" Shee tried again.
"I need to be alone" Goku murmured, dropping his training shirt to the ground before walking out of the training room.
After leaving the training gym, he found himself wandering aimlessly through the streets of Yardrat. He had no idea where he was going, but he just kept walking. And before he knew it, he was trampling through the long grass of the fields, his dulled eyes simply staring ahead of him as he passed through the many thickets of the woodland.
His body came to a stand still when his feet reached the edge of the nearby lagoon. His eyes stared out at the tranquil water, the surface of the lake glimmering under the streaks of sun light that was bursting through the trees. Goku let his body be still as his mind raced with a thousand thoughts. But he suddenly found himself kicking off his black boots, his feet dipping into the cold water, before slowly submerging his body into the brisk depths.
He couldn't think straight, his head hurt and there was a tightness in his chest. He felt his stomach harden, his fists balling up at his sides, his body going rigid as he thought about refusing the wish from Porunga and letting his family down. He grit his teeth, his head sinking beneath the cool blanket of the lake's surface, his eyes slowly closing as he fully submerged his tired body.
And he screamed.
He screamed loud and hard, shattering the stillness of the calm, ice blue lagoon.
He screamed because it hurt.
It hurt because it mattered.
He screamed out all of the frustrations that he could no longer contain. And if not for the lake absorbing the screech from his powerful lungs, the scream would have been deafening. His painful cry disturbed the slumbering blue waters, the power behind his painful outburst sending the lake into a frenzy. There was a raspy rumbling from the enraged waters, waves forming, sloshing around and aggressively slamming against the sides of the bank.
His anguished howl was a muffled sound pulsing inside his head, his mind exploding with a blinding whiteness.
It was like being trapped behind a glass door that could never be opened. It was suffocating. He was sinking, drowning, and no one could hear him or see him. His throat became raw and his lungs burned, his ears popping, his head feeling dizzy.
He wanted to go home. He wanted to see his son, to hold him, and hear his little laugh again. He wanted to see his wife, and see that smile of hers and feel her hands on his body again. He needed her comfort, he needed her. He needed them. He needed to go home.
His piercing cry abruptly ceased, his mouth closing, his hands delving into his hair and gripping at his locks in frustration. He groaned as the turbulent waves returned to their original calm state, the peace of the beautiful lagoon restored. He felt the air being sucked from his body, his blood pounding behind his eyes as he flung his head up to the surface of the lagoon, gasping for breath once the air finally hit his lungs.
He let his body float blindly upon the lake's blue skin as he caught his breath, his blood shot eyes gazing up at the scattered light that filtered through the trees. The warm sun kissed his dampened skin, the mixture of the sun's warmth and the calming waters lulling his body to a soothed state.
He closed his eyes and willed his mind to go blank.
Kami, he wanted to go home.
It was the next evening, and Goku smiled as he watched the locals singing and dancing around the large fire pit up ahead, something they did every month on Yardrat. The Yardratians were very big on partying, and had many different holidays they celebrated, but every month they joined together to celebrate life and being with each other. Goku felt someone tap his shoulder, so he looked up to his right to see Niiara standing there.
Niiara handed Goku a shot glass, and Goku studied it curiously before sniffing it.
"What the heck is that?" Goku shuddered after smelling the bitter purple liquid.
"Oh, quit whining and just get it down you!" Niiara playfully scorned, before downing her own shot. Not to be out done, Goku gulped down the purple liquor, nearly gagging once he swallowed it.
"Eeeew, that's gross!" Goku complained with his tongue hanging out in disgust. Niiara chuckled and poured him another.
"That, Son Goku, is a Yardratian delicacy! The Yardratians call it the Novehwe coicochi"
"What does that mean?"
"Burning desire"
Oh, it freaking burnt alright!
"Well, I ain't got no desire to drink that again" Goku grimaced as Niiara giggled at him.
"Hey, you want to live with the Yardratians? Then you got to drink like one!" Niiara threw back her shot, Goku groaning before holding his breath and knocking his own shot back. He shuddered again. Yuck.
"What the hell are you giving him? That's not a man's drink" Shee suddenly interrupted them.
"It's disgustin'!" Goku whined. Niiara grinned.
"Here, have one of these" Shee handed Goku a pint of Yardratian beer. Now, Goku wasn't a big drinker, but if he was going to drink anything, it was definitely a beer. That he could handle.
"Thanks" Goku gave Shee a small smile before taking a large gulp of the ice cold beer. Aah, much better than that stinky, bitter, purple crap.
Niiara rolled her eyes, a new song starting to play, igniting excitement in her.
"Come on, Son Goku! This is one of my favourites!" she hollered at him, grabbing him, and yanking him to the fire pit where many others were dancing. Shee just about managed to take Goku's beer before he dropped it and he chuckled at his partner's enthusiasm.
"Oi! Behave yourself! Don't get stealing my woman!" Shee shouted after him. Goku saluted him with a nervous grin.
"Consider me stolen!" Niiara playfully returned, to which Shee shook his head in amusement.
Goku nervously let Niiara lead him around the fire pit. He was doing moves he'd never done before, to music he'd never heard before. Niiara laughed at his clumsiness a few times, but was generally quite impressed by his dancing and his ability to keep up. Goku observed as the other Yardratians spun their partners around, so Goku did the same with Niiara, a smile on his face as he felt he was finally getting the hang of this dance.
"You're a fast learner, Son Goku" she praised him as their palms met, Goku spinning her round once again.
"Heh, I've always been quick to learn things. It's a skill of mine" he said with a grin. Niiara chuckled at his cockiness and spun him around this time.
"Good, because you're going to need those skills of yours, if you want to make it out alive" she lowly spoke.
"Huh? What d'you-" but before he could finish his sentence, Niiara shoved him towards another Yardratian female who gladly took his hands and whisked him away. Niiara bit her lip to try and contain her laugher as Goku was practically ragged around the firepit by the rather aggressive Yardratian woman in a beautiful pink silk dress and matching head scarf.
"Um, hey, lady? Y'reckon we can slow it down a bit? I'm gettin' dizzy" Goku whined. The Yardratian lady stopped their movements and pulled down the silk scarf from around her face. Goku cocked an eyebrow. This woman seemed familiar. A sudden 'Yoohoo' from the crowd caught his attention, his eyes glancing over at where the call came from. There sat a second Yardratian lady, dressed in all silk too, and she gave him a little wave before blowing him a kiss.
Goku swallowed, a hand to his chest pulling his attention back to the lady in front of him. She fluttered her eyelashes at him and drew circles on his chest with her very long nails. Now Goku remembered! They were the same women from the market! Oh crap! Mayday! MAYDAY!
"Uhhh ... i'm sorry ... I gotta go! But thanks a bunch for the dance!" He nervously uttered out.
"Oh, no, tonon'ye nuh nuhhco?" [leaving so soon?] the woman purred at him, pouting her lips at him as if trying to kiss him.
"Aaaaah! Gotta go! Byyyeeee!" Goku blurted out before running off in the opposite direction. Niiara was wiping the tears from her eyes, cackling as she watched Goku sprint over to her.
"You are cruel" Shee told her with an amused look on his face. Goku reached them and frowned hard at Niiara.
"That wasn' funny" he mumbled at her, making her laugh harder.
"I'm gonna have another one of them drinks" he added before walking off, leaving Niiara to continue howling.
It was only a couple of hours later when it was completely dark, that some of the Yardratians started to set off fireworks into the sky. Goku sat with Niiara and Shee as the sky lit up before them, bright and full of colour.
"We call them 'yaiweo', fire lights" Niiara told Goku, both of their eyes still on the skies.
"We call them fireworks on Earth" Goku responded.
"Fireworks" Niiara repeated, a smile on her face. Son Goku was learning a lot from them, but they were learning just as much from him in return.
"Son Goku"
Goku opened his eyes, squinting from the bright sunshine of Yardrat. He turned his head to see Shee standing there, a smile on his face.
"Stop your snoozing and come with me" Shee told him before ambling off towards the city. Goku jumped up from the grass, just a few feet from Niiara and Shee's home, and followed Shee towards the city.
"Here it is" Shee announced, parting the fabric curtains as they entered a small hut on the outskirts of the city, "It's all fixed". Goku's jaw went slack as he gazed over at the space pod. The same space pod he crash landed in on Yardrat. It was finally fixed.
Goku approached it and let his right palm glide smoothly over the cold, hard metal body of the sphere, his eyes studying it intently.
His ship was fixed. It was right there, fixed, and ready to go.
He could jump in it right there and then and go home. His smile faded as he thought about not being able to go home yet. He still wasn't ready.
He wondered when he would be ready.
"It will be here, waiting for you, for when you are ready" Shee assured him, tapping Goku's large bicep, a form of Shee's limited physical affection.
"Thank you" Goku gently responded, his eyes still fixated on the small ship before him.
An hour or so later, Goku found himself sat back relaxing in the bath tub, his legs stretched out and hanging over the sides of the bath. He smiled as he looked up at the shower head, the new shower head, one which adjusted and extended so he could fit under it. It was as if he was part of the family now, he thought. They fixed the shower for him, got him a bigger bed. He really felt like he was one of them now.
But that didn't stop him from being home sick. He missed his home. He missed his wife and son. He missed his friends.
He missed his life on Earth.
The sun began to set in the distance, the warmth of the fire ball leaving Goku's face as the sky began to darken. His eyes fell on the little person just a few feet in front of him, his son, but his vision was blurry. He tried to focus on his son, trying to get a clearer image of him, but the clarity didn't come. As Goku struggled to find his focus, a darkness slowly swallowed his vision.
As the sky darkened, the ground began to shake, lava bubbling and hissing through the cracks of the crusty, dry soil of Namek. Trees ignited into flames, a smoky fog suffocating the land and decimating everything in it's path.
Goku blinked a few times, but the image remained unchanged.
He felt it on the pads of his feet, the heat working through his boots and the churning began in his stomach from the smell of burning flesh. His panic struck eyes bore into the back of his son's head as he watched the fire approach him. He was unable to move, so he screamed his son's name, but he didn't respond to him.
And that's when he saw it.
That's when he saw him.
"Frieza" Goku shakily breathed out. The evil monster snaked his way through the flames of the fire, his sinister cackle echoing throughout the atmosphere. Goku felt his skin crawl, his stomach turning, his muscles clenching, a fear rising inside of him as Frieza approached his son.
"NO! GOHAN!" Goku screeched at the top of his lungs, the menacing flames now completely engulfing his body, his whole body set a blaze by the powerful inferno. Sheets of his skin sloughed off his body, his flesh smoldering, his blood bubbling and steaming as it spilled from his wounds.
Frieza was now only a few feet in front of his son.
"GOHAN! PLEASE! IT'S DADDY! PLEASE HEAR ME! YOU HAVE'TA GET OUTA HERE!" Goku screamed in agony as his skin began to melt, his eyes going hazy from the pain and the smoke as it slowly smothered him.
Frieza stopped directly in front of Gohan, but his eyes met Goku's.
"Don't worry" Frieza rasped, "the brat goes next" the words slid off his tongue like venom as he raised his right arm above Gohan.
"NO! FRIEZA, DON'T!"
"DADDY!" His little son wailed over the crackling flames of the fire, his face turning to see him for the first time. The fear in his eyes, the tears streaming down his face.
"GOHAN!" Goku cried out as Frieza's arm came hammering down on his son...
Goku's eyes snapped open, his body was covered in a cold sweat and he was shaking, his heart pounding as his fearful eyes darted around the room in search for his son.
"Gohan!" he called out through short breaths, his body almost stumbling out of bed as he frantically searched the room. As he tried to catch his breath, his wide eyes still scanning the room, it slowly dawned on him that he was in his bedroom on Yardrat, and Gohan wasn't there.
It was all just a dream.
Or, more like a nightmare.
Goku let out a sigh of relief and let his body fall back on his bed. He ran a shaky hand through his sweaty hair as his tired eyes stared up at the dark ceiling. These dreams were getting worse. They were starting to feel too real. It was every single night now and it was starting to wear him down.
He didn't know where to go from here. He didn't know how to make them go away.
"He still won't open up to me" Shee spoke, frustration evident in his voice. Niiara eyed him on the sofa as she poured him some tea into the cup on the coffee table, the two of them alone in their home.
"He is troubled, but he won't talk about it" he added.
"He will. I just know it" Niiara replied to him confidently, pouring her own tea.
"How do you know that?"
"Because I just do. He is a strong man and he has a strong heart. He will get there, you'll see".
"Hmm. I hope so. I want to teach him IT" Shee explained, picking up his tea cup and blowing the contents lightly.
"IT? Really? Do you think he could learn that?" Niiara asked as she sat next to him, stunned her partner was even considering it.
"If he can get past this, then yes, I think so" Niiara took a sip of her tea, her partner's words filling her mind.
"IT isn't an easy thing to learn, let alone teach, Shee. It can have an affect on you, too" she warned him.
"Don't worry, Pybara can take the lead on that. I will just help Goku get into that frame of mind"
"Well, even so, just be careful" she gently told him.
"I will. Where is he anyway?" Shee wondered.
"He left some time ago with Jaak. They've gone exploring" she grinned.
It was only a couple of hours later when Niiara joined her son and Goku, deep in the lush blue and green rainforest of Yardrat. It was hot and humid, with slippery leaves, rough vines, the ground crumbly and wet beneath his boots. The trees were taller than the eye could see, and many sounds of the forest animals reached his ears as they walked deeper into the rainforest.
Goku was petting a small creature, who Niiara told him was called a Nu'raa. It was a friendly creature, small, grazing off the dewy grass. It reminded Goku almost of a goat with it's piercing eyes and horns, but with scales instead of tough fur. After meeting the locals of the forest, Goku sat down with Niiara upon a fallen tree, both of them watching as Jaak danced around following the "flutter tails", which Goku explained was called a butterfly, back on Earth.
"My son would love to see this"
"You have mentioned your son quite a few times. What is his name?"
"His name's Gohan"
"How old is he?"
"Umm ... I think he's about 5 now. I think I missed a birthday or two" Goku said quietly, guilt evident in his voice. Niiara felt bad for him, his sad eyes longingly staring out into the wilderness. Niiara decided to change the topic slightly.
"So, what is Gohan like?" Niiara questioned him, watching his body language as he acknowledged her question.
"He's a great kid. He's smart an' so strong for someone so young. I'm real proud of him, an' I never really got the chance to tell him that" Niiara scooted closer to him and nudged his arm with her elbow.
"Well, you can tell him that when you go home"
"Yeah" Goku gently spoke.
"So, you think he would like this? He likes animals, too?" Niiara asked.
"Yeah, he always liked explorin' the mountains with me back at home, hunting for animals, bugs, dinosaurs. I really wanted to teach him how to fish, too. He came fishin' with me lots of times, but he never really had a proper go at it 'cause he was so small. Somethin' else I never got chance to do, I guess" Goku drifted off.
"There will be time, Son Goku"
"I didn' realise how fast time went. I've been away for so long, I died for a year and now I'm here. I've missed so much with him".
"If your son is anything like you, he will understand. I'm sure you are his entire world and more. His father, the man who defeated Frieza? No one else can say that" she cooed, nudging him gently again, getting a small smile from him. Goku let his eyes wander back over to Jaak who was smoothing one of the Nu'raa.
"Can I ask ya somethin'?" Goku questioned her, turning to face her. Niiara met his eyes.
"Of course"
"How come Jaak can't speak? I know he does his sign talk, but he can't talk like us"
"Jaak has a speech impairment, which he's had since birth. I had difficulties with his pregnancy and it resulted in brain damage, which has affected him in many ways, including not being able to talk"
"Oh. How else has it affected him?" Goku wondered further.
"You probably noticed he's not very sociable and doesn't play with the other children, not that there's many here to play with. He sticks to what he knows, which is me and Shee. I was quite surprised how quickly he bonded with you" she smiled at Goku, who returned it.
"He has difficulty with understanding things and trouble with his memory. We've had some behavioural issues, although that's not so much now. We've had to learn a lot, in order to help him. I especially learnt a lot, with his sign language and learning how to understand the things he does and why he does them. It's been a long journey, getting to where we are now" Niiara gently spoke. Goku set his eyes back on Jaak, seeing him in a new light explained a lot of things.
"He's a great kid. Ya must be proud of him" Goku thought out loud.
"Of course. He's my favourite little person" she answered sweetly. His mind then went back to what she said about the children of Yardrat.
"I noticed there weren' many kids here, is there a reason for that?" Goku asked.
"There are few children on Yardrat, because there are very few women. Most of the women were enslaved, raped and killed by Frieza's men. There are only a few of us left now". Goku was horrified by her words. Frieza's forces truly were monsters.
"I'm sorry you had to go through that" Goku spoke softly.
"Well, it's in the past now. Frieza is now more, thanks to you" she reminded him. Goku smiled at her before leaning back on his palms and watching Jaak again. They sat in silence for a few moments, amused as Jaak grimaced from the Nu'raa licking his face.
"You are an interesting creature, Son Goku" Niiara suddenly spoke.
"Whatdya mean?" Goku asked her curiously.
"You show a lot of interest and you ask a lot of questions, and you are very direct when you speak. You don't hold back" she chuckled. Goku chuckled along with her and scratched the back of his head, something Niiara noticed he did when he was embarrassed or bashful.
"Heh, yeah, I been told a lot that I speak before thinkin'. It just comes out" he laughed out.
"So, how is your training going?" Niiara changed the subject. After her conversation with Shee, she wanted to see if she could get anything out of him.
"Um ... well ... it's not, really" he stuttered out.
"Oh? What is the problem?" she pretended this was news to her.
"Me, I guess" he muttered.
"Why are you the problem?"
"I dunno ... I keep bein' told my head ain't in it an' that I need to ... open up an' talk. But, I just ... I dunno how. I don' even know where to begin"
"There is too much going on inside of here" Niiara told him, poking his forehead, "you need to take a breath".
"I wish I knew how" he spoke quietly, his eyes falling to the grass below him.
"Soon'yono. It means peace within; being at peace with yourself" she educated him with hand signs. Goku silently watched as she repeated the actions with her hands, his solemn expression not going unnoticed as he lowered his head again.
"Look at me, Son Goku" she gently requested, taking both of his large hands in her petite ones. Goku hesitated for a few seconds before allowing his eyes to meet hers.
"You need to find the serenity inside of you. But you have to accept yourself, in order to find it".
"How do you accept somethin', that y'don't want?"
"Because, sometimes, we have to. Sometimes, we have no choice. You are what you are, and who you are, and you cannot change that. You have to find a way to accept it, to be at peace with yourself."
Goku sighed lightly. He embraced his Saiyan heritage when he was back on Namek, but he didn't accept it. And he had no choice but to embrace it. For the sake of the Namekians, for the sake of Vegeta. He made a promise to them, that he would avenge them. He wasn't going to let them down. He needed to embrace the power he had within, his 'Saiyan' nature. He needed that in order to win the fight against Frieza. Becoming a Super Saiyan was that step closer to acceptance. But it wasn't enough for him.
So much had changed. He needed time. He needed to think. He needed to understand. He needed to figure out what being a Saiyan meant. He needed to learn how to control this Super Saiyan power inside of him. He didn't know what his friends thought of him now. What if they couldn't accept him? He didn't know how Chichi felt. What if she looked at him differently? How could he rid himself of this burden and accept himself, if she couldn't? And what about Gohan? He was half Saiyan. How did he feel about that?
His mind felt overloaded and overwhelmed.
How could he take a breath and obtain a calm mind, when his mind was reeling?
He needed more time.
Training was not going well on this particular day. Goku wasn't concentrating, he seemed distracted and Shee was trying to figure out why.
Shee knew there was something. He was holding back. Something was holding him back. But what was it? What was it that was causing this affect on him? What was Son Goku afraid of?
"You are afraid" Shee pointed out bluntly. Goku was on all fours, catching his breath, when he snapped his head up to eye Shee.
"What? No I'm not" Goku responded.
"You are afraid to admit you are afraid"
"I'm not afraid" Goku told him again.
"I know you are afraid, I can feel your fear and it is holding you back"
"I am not afraid!"
"You are afraid to jump, Son Goku. And that is exactly why you need to jump! Because if you don't, you will end up staying in the exact same place your entire life!"
"I told you, I'm not afraid! I'm just tired today! That's all!"
"The longer you hold back, the longer you will be here!" Shee reminded him.
"I'm not holdin' back, so can y'just drop it?!" Goku became agitated.
"What are you afraid of?" Shee pressed again.
"Nothin!"
"Don't lie, you are afraid of something, so tell me!"
" I said It's NOTHIN'!" Goku raised his voice.
"What are you afraid of?!"
"NOTHIN'!" Goku shouted back at him.
"WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID OF?!" Shee bellowed.
"ME!", Goku practically screamed, "I'm afraid of me!"
In the corner, Pybara smiled.
"Why?" Shee asked him more gently this time.
"I'm afraid of what I am! I'm afraid I'm not gonna control this! I'm afraid I'm gonna hurt my family! I'm afraid I'm gonna let them down" Goku confessed through shaky breaths, his eyes focusing on the ground.
Shee and Pybara exchanged looks, both of them relieved that Goku finally confessed his fears. He was afraid of himself, and that was why he was holding back.
"You've just overcome your first obstacle" Pybara enlightened Goku.
"And you won't let them down. Because you are not going to give up!" Shee reassured him as he approached him. He held out his hand, Goku's head rising to look up at him.
"On your feet, Son Goku" Shee ordered.
It was the end of June, and the Yardratians were celebrating the beginning of their summer with street parties. There was music being played in the streets, an abundance of food cooking in giant pans along the curbs, and lots of alcohol being consumed. It was getting late, and Goku and Shee found themselves laying upon the lush blue grass of the hill, not too far away from the party goers. Goku had walked off to get some air, admittedly a bit too drunk, and he rarely got drunk, so Shee decided to follow him.
"You have no stars here" Goku commented as his eyes bounced around the skies.
"Stars? No, we don't. But we do have six moons" Shee reminded him.
"We have stars on Earth" Goku educated Shee, "Me an' Chichi use to watch them all the time. I always liked watchin' the stars, but Chichi made it fun 'cause she would point out shapes of animals. I remember the first time we watched the stars together, an' she pointed out the outline of a bunny, an' she drew it in the sky like this." Goku raised his right arm and pointed his index finger, and clumsily started to draw an invisible picture in the sky.
Shee watched Goku as he pretended to draw his picture, fascinated by his wholesome little story. He watched as a warm smile spread across Goku's face as he drew this bunny he spoke of.
"She always said that if anythin' ever happened, and we were far apart, to look up at the stars an' know she was lookin' up at them too. Then, we wouldn' feel so alone" the smile suddenly faded from Goku's face, as if her words really resonated with him now. Shee tilted his head in wonder.
"Who is Chichi?" he asked.
"Huh?" Goku sloppily responded.
"Chichi? Who is she?" Goku paused for a moment, licking his dry lips before speaking again.
"She's my wife, back on Earth"
"What is a wife?" Shee wondered. Goku craned his neck to look over at Shee.
"Um ... she's my partner, like Niiara is to you"
"Hmm. That is the first time you have mentioned her, since being on Yardrat". Goku went silent. Shee continued to look over at the young Saiyan.
"You are very protective of your wife, to not talk about her so openly. She must be very special to you" Shee observed. Goku remained silent as he stared up at the night sky. Goku's secret of his wife was not a surprise to Shee. He had already acknowledged that Goku was a guarded man and had difficulties with sharing himself to others, so it made total sense that he had kept her to himself.
"It is okay to talk, you know. Being open about how you feel is an important part of your training. Don't be afraid to share your thoughts, Son Goku. This is a safe place" Shee assured him. There was a small silence between them, Goku's eyes watching the skies, Shee's eyes watching him. Shee took a sip of his drink, watching as Goku took a small breath before speaking.
"I've known her since we were kids. I made a promise to marry her one day, when we met again an' we were all grown up. I had no idea what that actually meant at the time, I thought she was offerin' me some kind of food" Goku chuckled out.
"What is to marry?" Shee questioned him curiously.
"Well, it's not food", Goku laughed, "Marryin' someone is like havin' a legal bond with someone, where you commit yourself to just that one person. You love them, protect them, be open an' honest with them, an' you do everything together. You're not allowed to be like that with anyone else, just them".
"Hmm, like a form of bonding, both physically and emotionally" Shee added, to which Goku nodded at him, "We have something similar here, too. We call it "Oo'nah" to connect with and love one person". Shee educated Goku.
"Well, it sounds kinda similar" Goku responded.
"Please continue" Shee urged with a gentle smile.
"Well, when we met again, we were fightin' each other at the World's Martial Arts Tournament, an' I had no idea who she was. She was so mad at me for forgettin' her an' my promise. But, she agreed to tell me who she was an' remind me of my promise, if I beat her. So, I beat her" Goku smiled as he remembered their fight.
"You ... beat your wife?" Shee cocked an eyebrow. Goku laughed as he turned to face him.
"Not like that. I just mean I knocked her outa the ring an' won the fight".
"I was going to say, you have some ... questionable customs on Earth" Shee breathed out, relieved Goku didn't actually beat his wife.
"So, after I won our match, she reminded me of who she was an' what I promised her. I did remember once she told me an' I agreed to keep my promise to her an' get married".
"Why?" Shee questioned curiously.
"Why what?"
"Why keep your promise? You had no idea what it meant and you had forgotten her. Why marry her?" Shee observed as Goku thought about it for a few moments.
"'Cause she was different. She was really strong an' wasn' phased by the other tough guys there, not even me. And ... I dunno ... there was just somethin' about her that I liked. She could ride Nimbus too, so I knew she was pure of heart".
"What is a Nimbus?"
"My flyin' cloud. It was gifted to me by my old Master, but you can only ride it if you are pure hearted".
"Interesting" Shee commented.
"So, yeah, I didn' get any bad vibes from her. I just had this feelin' in my heart that it was the right thing to do. So, after winning the tournament, we left to go to her Kingdom to get married".
"She is royalty?" Shee questioned, astonished.
"Well, she is the Princess of Fire Mountain" Goku trailed off in thought.
"You married a Princess, ay? You got lucky there" Shee chucked out.
"Heh, heh, I guess so" Goku chuckled back, his eyes glancing over at Shee.
"So, what is she like? Is she beautiful?" Shee asked him. Goku let a gentle smile spread across his lightly flushed face.
"Very" Shee laughed gently at Goku's lovestruck face.
"You look like a man very much in love, Son Goku" he teased him. Goku shyly averted his gaze.
"She's the first person I ever got close to after my grandpa died. I never really opened up to someone before, like I did with Chichi"
"And she is strong, you said?"
"Yeah, she's real strong. And she scares the crap outa me" Shee burst out laughing.
"I know that feeling" he agreed.
"Heh, I like it though. She got this fire in her an' I just wanna play with it" he grinned.
"You know what happens when you play with fire, Son Goku" Shee smirked.
"Y'get burned" Goku murmured, a prideful smile gracing his features.
"She sounds like she was meant for you"
"She's all I've ever known. I ... dunno what I'd do without her" Shee smiled as he continued to look over at Goku.
"I miss her" Goku spoke lowly. Shee knocked back the dregs of his drink and placed the glass on the ground next to him.
"You are worried about returning to her?" he watched as Goku nodded slowly.
"You are worried about what she will think of you?"
"Yeah" Goku quietly answered.
"Does she know that you are a Saiyan?"
"She does. We never really talked about it, though. I wanted to, but I chickened out". Goku admitted.
"I don't think you have anything to worry about, Son Goku" Shee assured him, "You are a good man and clearly love and respect your wife. I'm sure the feeling will still be mutual". Goku gave him a very small, unsure smile. Shee decided to brighten the mood.
"And here I was, worrying that you were trying to steal my Niiara" Shee couldn't help but snort at Goku's shocked face.
"I would never!" Goku shouted, a little hurt by the accusation. Shee laughed at his reaction as he stood up and walked over to Goku. He slapped the young man on the back as he spoke.
"I'm just teasing, kid. Just stop walking around naked, you're putting me to shame" he told him, before walking off back to the party, leaving Goku with his many thoughts.