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Chapter 2: Fight Like a NEET
Early morning sunlight filtered through the red leaves of the weirwood tree in the Winterfell Godswood. Lord Eddard Stark sat with Megumin's head nestled in his lap as she snored softly. She'd been ordered to spend the night in prayer and repentance alone in the godswood, but when Ned had come out to put a warm blanket around his daughter she'd already been fast asleep.
His daughter had hardly spent the night alone: Megumin's direwolf lay curled around her mistress's feet, ears twitching slightly as she slept. Ned had already taken Yunyun back to her bedchambers, as despite not being punished herself, she'd snuck out to spend the night with her sister.
He smiled to himself and smoothed away some of her dark hair from her forehead. Despite the consternation she caused him with her boundless energy and strange obsessions, he loved his daughter dearly. He loved all of his children, but Megumin's wild spirit had a special place in his heart.
"Goddesses of my fathers, watch over my daughters. Give them wisdom and temperance, and give me patience and virtue in dealing with them," Eddard whispered as he stroked Megumin's hair. "Help me be a better father, and guide me in accepting Robert's offer to become his hand."
"Well, for one who desires so many blessings, thou hast only the one apple and a bit of ale. If they desires so many blessings, thou should give better offerings."
Eddard Stark just about jumped out of his skin when he looked over and saw a naked woman going through the satchel he'd brought from the kitchens. Only, on second examination, Eddard realized that this was no mortal woman: she had long brown hair from which poked two wolflike ears, and sprouted a long furry brown tail with a white tip. When she smiled at Eddard, he spied two sharp fangs.
"Goddess, you honor me with your presence," Eddard gasped, and made to prostrate himself.
"Do not rise, my loyal wolf. Let thy pup sleep. She has many trials ahead of her," the old goddess said, taking a bite out of the apple and chewing noisily, her tail wagging back and forth happily as she did so. "Hmm, this is not bad. Very well. I shall answer one of thy questions: The Old Goddesses are not in charge of watching over thy daughters. However, as a favor to my good friend Aqua, I did agree to host them in mine lands. And, of course, Winter Is Coming."
"Winter is coming," Eddard echoed, feeling as though the foundations upon which his world was built were being destroyed at a single stroke. True, he had always prayed to the Old Goddesses, but they did not take such an active role. Not in living memory, at least.
The wolf goddess took out the flask of ale, popped the cork, and chugged it, letting out a satisfied sigh. "As for thy next question, I cannot see what will happen in Southron lands. But, for the Winter that approaches, even the might of Winterfell and the Night's Watch will not suffice. We shall need allies, Oath Holder."
"I...see," Eddard agreed, nodding slowly. Winter. Winter was coming. His children, would they be safe?
"Oh do not fear overly much; perhaps if you mortals were left to your own devices the world would truly be under threat once more, but these new goddesses of the south do so like to meddle," the wolf goddess mused, rummaging around in the sack and pulling out some bread and cheese to eat.
Realizing the goddess could likely read his mind, Eddard tried to control his racing thoughts. "You mean… my daughters...they truly were born under a dire omen sent by the Seven?"
"No, just Aqua. Madoka decided Aqua could fix the mess she created," the goddess replied as she rapidly polished off the food. She appeared to be nearly as ravenous as Komekko.
"Now," the wolf goddess said, turning toward the trees. "If your Southron mate would come out and give me the food she has brought for thee, I will grant her the blessing she desires."
Eddard felt himself flush with embarrassment as Catelyn slowly walked out from the trees, carrying a wrapped basket. Her eyes were very wide, and she was looking at the goddess with a mixture of awe, consternation, and naked jealousy.
"Fear not, Lady of Rivers. I have no desire for thy mate," the goddess said, her tail wagging slowly, eyes fixed on the basket. "Thy victuals, however, are another matter."
Looking at least a little mollified, Catelyn held out the basket, which the goddess snatched and eagerly shredded the wrapping, pulling out several steaming sausages, which she eagerly devoured. She gave a happy yipping sound, much like the direwolf pups, then nodded to Catelyn, wiping grease from her chin. "Very well. Ask for thy blessing. Though thou art one of the Seven's followers, I shall grant thee this boon, as thou hast raised thy litter on my lands and are mate of my favored lord."
"I…" Catelyn swallowed, then slowly took a seat beside Eddard, taking his hand in hers. She smiled down at Megumin, gently putting a hand on her cheek, then looking back up at the goddess. "I ask...I ask to quicken again, goddess of the woods and fields."
Solemnly, the goddess nodded. "In exchange for thy gifts, I shall grant thee a bountiful harvest, Lady Wolf. Thy child shall be strong and healthy, and thy birthing bed easy."
"And...and keep my children and husband safe," Catelyn blurted, blushing slightly.
The goddess gave Catelyn a mischievous grin. "That was not the bargain we struck. However, as thou saw fit to bring me three more apples, I shall grant thee this other boon, provided thou agreest to a service for me."
"Anything," Catelyn agreed quickly.
"Let thy mate take up his burden of honor to his old packmate. Young Prince Kazuma will have need of the Wisdom of Wolves ere long. Thou, however, must remain in my lands: for I cannot grant thee my boon should thou wander'st far from my den. Thou shalt keep thy two youngest as well, for they too shall be needed here. The others must go with their sire; even thy heir. Worry not: There shall still be three Starks in Winterfell, and our ancient bargain shall hold true."
"What of Jon?" Eddard blurted.
The goddess sighed. "Tell thy mate, oath holder of mine. Secrets do not become a wolf. Then, grant him his request and make him my sword and shield, sworn to me. He is thy blood, but his is the Song of Ice and Fire."
"Jon Snow is not the heir of Winterfell!" Cately snarled, something deadly flashing in her eyes.
"Be at peace, she wolf," the goddess said, her tone amused as she took out the skin of wine in the basket. She quickly drained it, then nodded. "Thy offerings are spent, my work is done. Send away thy cub and mine, and mate here in my sight, and our bargain shall be held fulfilled in the light of the sun."
With that, the goddess walked over to the heart tree, and, in a single bound, leapt into its open mouth, leaving behind only the scent of freshly harvested grain.
"She was…" Catelyn whispered, her eyes wide.
"One of the Old Goddesses," Eddard said softly, gently shaking Megumin.
"Hmmm?" Megumin yawned, smacking her lips and blinking bleary eyes. "Daddy?"
"Your punishment is at an end," Eddard told his daughter, picking her up and gently kissing her on the forehead. "Go now to the kitchens and get some breakfast. Tell Fat Tom at the entrance not to allow anyone else in until your lady mother and I depart."
"Ok. Sorry, dad, mom. I'll be good," Megumin yawned. "Come on, Chomusuke. I'm hungry."
The black direwolf with the odd red marking on her forehead shook herself, then sprang to her feet, eagerly following after her mistress.
Eddard waited a moment, then sighed heavily. "That is not the first time a goddess has visited us."
"It's been nearly eight years since Aqua and Eris last appeared," Cately agreed, shuddering slightly. "Ned, what sort of world do we live in now, where goddesses walk among mortals, and speak openly to them?"
"A strange and new one. Winter is Coming," Eddard repeated, and felt the deadly frost in those words. John Aryn was dead, possibly murdered if Catelyn's sister's cryptic note were true. And he was to go south to be Hand of the King. Then, he steeled himself. He took a deep breath, gripping Catelyn's hand. She pressed into him, but he shook his head. "Cat. I...the goddess is wise. There is a secret I have kept from you, for fifteen years now."
Catelyn bristled slightly, looking wounded. She'd always wanted to know, but hadn't asked him since that terrible day where he'd raised his voice in anger at her, nearly raised his fist. "Jon's mother was Lyanna. My sister."
For a moment, Catelyn could only gape at him. "But then, he is not-"
"He was not born Jon Snow. By rights, he is Aegon Targaryen. His father was Rhaegar Targaryen. He took Lyanna as his second wife. I claimed Jon as my bastard, to protect him. I...I swore I would tell no one. But the goddesses hold sway over the oaths of mortal men…"
"But why...why not tell me?" Catelyn whispered, tears coming into her eyes. She shook her head, even as Eddard gently wiped them away with his thumb. "You gave your oath to Lyanna before she died, didn't you?"
Eddard could only nod, unable to find further words, tears filling his own eyes as the pain of the lie he had lived for fifteen years was opened again like an old scar ripped open. Somehow, Catelyn's mouth found his.
"My poor, foolish, honorable husband. Do not let your honor be the death of you, Eddard Stark. I love you too much for that."
From the tree, two wolfish eyes watched as her Bonded Warden took his mate, and she muttered the words of fertility and binding that would make their child her own. Those Southron goddesses had meddled in her affairs and lands long enough. Time she took back her pack as her own. After all, she had plans as well. They didn't call her the Wise Wolf for nothing.
"You can't sit there, that's Vanir's spot," Yunyun called helpfully.
Kazuma paused in the act of sitting at the breakfast table. Tyrion had come by and informed him there was absolutely no room service in Winterfell, and that he would be required to sit at table if he wanted to eat. Since eating came in a close second to napping the list of Kazuma's favorite things to do, he figured he'd haul his carcass out of bed.
"Who's Vanir?" Kazuma asked, eyeing Yunyun suspiciously. There clearly was no one sitting in the chair, which had a plate full of food at it.
"He's my friend! Can't you see him?" Komekko pipped up from the other side of the empty spot.
"No, there's no one there," Kazuma grumbled. The only thing in the chair was a black and white doll. He glanced around frowning. If he couldn't sit here then...the other other spot was by Megumin. He tried to pull out the empty chair and sit down anyway, but it seemed to be stuck. He jerked it again, grunting with effort.
"Vanir says if you don't leave his chair alone he's going to be mad at you," Komekko told Kazuma seriously, giving him a disapproving look. From underneath the chair, there was a low growl, and Kazuma jerked back. He realized he must have been slamming the chair into Komekko's direwolf, who was pitch black save for two glowing amber eyes.
"Hoost is a good puppy, he won't bite if you're nice," Komekko declared, giving Kazuma a big smile. So did Hoost, only his involved a lot more teeth.
"Er, nice doggy?" Kazuma chuckled, then hurried away and slid into the chair by Megumin. She gave him a baleful look, until her older brother Robb elbowed her.
"I'm...sorry," Megumin ground out.
"Huh? For what?" Kazuma asked, pausing in the act of serving himself some breakfast.
"For my unlady-like behavior," Megumin half spat.
"Oh. Whatever. At least you weren't boring. If more girls acted like you do maybe they'd be more interesting. The rest of them just want to talk about dumb stuff like how handsome I am or some nonsense. I've got a mirror, I'm not as ugly as my uncle but I'm not that good looking."
"That's a crude thing to say about Lord Tyrion," Robb said, frowning at Kazuma.
Hook, line, and sinker! "Tyrion? The ladies can't get enough of him. I was talking about Uncle Jamie. No one will touch him with a ten foot pole!"
From across the high table, Tyrion let out a chuckle and raised his goblet to Kazuma, who returned the gesture with a wink. Robb, for part, was gaping at Kazuma, but Megumin was snorting and ducking under the table as she giggled. After a moment, Robb nodded to Kazuma, a slow grin spreading over his face.
"Anyway," Kazuma eyed Megumin, who was still sniggering as she sat back up. "I guess I'm sorry or whatever for not treating you like a lady."
In response, Megumin made a very rude noise with her lips, which made Yunyun blush in embarrassment and Robb develop another coughing fit.
"Megumin's not a lady, she's an Adventurer!" Komekko piped up.
"Indeed, I am no blushing brainless beauty, but a battle hardened veterain of many campaigns! Soon, my fame shall encompass not just the north, but the entire Seven Kingdoms! I have slain many a foul beast already!"
"What, like a grumpkin, maybe a few snarks?" Kazuma asked, allowing a smirk to wash over his face.
"Oh, you mock me, Southron fool, but already I have drunk of the blood of my foes!" Megumin boasted.
"Megumin, you threw up when we had to go see dad chop off that poor deserter's head," Yunyun pointed out. "Jon had to carry you back because you were crying. After you begged and begged for us to go with the boys."
"You were crying too, and Robb had to carry you!" Megumin snapped. She turned to glare at Kazuma. "Don't you dare mock me!"
"Hey, I ain't exactly one to make fun for that," Kazuma said, making a face. "Uncle Jamie made me go to an execution once. Not my idea of a good time. Ugly old bastard."
"Well, perhaps you'll enjoy one today," a breezy voice said, and Kazuma felt a heavy hand fall on his shoulder. He winced, and looked up to see none other than the smiling face of what even Kazuma had to admit was his rather good looking uncle. "I've heard that Robb here is quite the swordsman, as is Jon Snow. I don't suppose you two mind showing my nephew the yard, would you? He's been rather lax in his sword practice, and I would so like to see him learn the techniques of other houses."
Kazuma flushed. "Listen, I'm not-"
"Your lady mother informs me that you would be happy to do so, my prince, else His Grace your father might need his memory jogged about certain events."
"You wouldn't dare," Kazuma gasped, half turning to glare at his uncle.
"I think an ugly old bastard that no one would touch with a ten foot pole might dare a lot of things, nephew. I'm certain they won't be too rough on you. After all, it's not as though you assaulted their sister and brought her honor into question, is it?" Jamie laughed, and strode away.
Swallowing, Kazuma put on his best smile and turned towards Robb, who was exchanging an evil grin with his baseborn brother at the lower table. "My most gracious Lord Stark, I'm certain we can all be friends here…"
"Yes! We should be friends!" Yunyun said eagerly, leaning forward as her red eyes glowed. Kazuma shied away as he felt Robb's iron grip tighten on his shoulder.
"Yunyun, I think Myrcella was saying how much she would like to practice needle work with you later, and maybe play with Lady. She seems quite taken with your wolf," Robb purred, his tone soft and deadly.
"Really?! Oh, I have to go find her, we're going to be best friends!" Yunyun declared, and hurried away.
"I just want you to know that, if you kill me, it's probably treason or something," Kazuma groaned.
"Why, my prince, who said anything about killing you?" Robb gasped, putting a hand to his heart. "We merely wished to express our...appreciation, for how you have treated our sister."
A short while later, Kazuma found himself in padded leathers with a wooden short sword in one hand, and a shield in the other.
"Just so you know, this is the sort of thing I pay you for, Sandor," Kazuma called as a grinning Jon stepped into the ring.
"You don't bloody well pay me, your mother does, and she thinks you could do with a good drubbing," Sandor said, then spat into the ground.
"I shall remember this treasonous act," Kazuma vowed. "When I am King, I will remember my friends, and who turned their back on me in my hour of need."
"Kick his butt, Big Bro!" Tommen shouted eagerly from the sidelines.
Kazuma half turned to Tommen, an incredulous expression on his face. Jon was three years his senior and both taller and with longer arms and legs. There was no way he could-
Something triggered in Kazuma's head, and he slid to the side like a greased pig, barely dodging Jon's blow. "Oh thank Eris," Kazuma groaned in relief. "My Luck's in today."
"I think your luck's just run out, your highness," Jon said, a wicked grin on his face. It wasn't often that a bastard got to duel the crown prince, but as Uncle Jamie and his damned mother had given the match their blessing, Kazuma couldn't very well wiggle out of it. Besides, he'd have felt terrible if he'd used the circumstances of their birth to get out of something. Jon couldn't help it anymore than Kazuma could have if their situations were reversed.
Jon came on again, and Kazuma flung his shield at the older boy. That made Jon take half a step back in shock, raising his own barricade to block the projectile. Which was when Kazuma slid around to the side and jabbed Jon in the back, aiming for the kidney.
"Ow!" Jon cried, and scrambled away, his expression pained.
"Point to the prince," the old knight, Ser Rod, or whatever his name was, called. "Reset."
Grimacing, Jon kicked Kazuma's shield back to him, but he just kicked it back towards Tommen, who picked up the shield eagerly. Jon raised an eyebrow at Kazuma, but the prince just shrugged. "Never liked that thing slowing me down anyway."
This time, Kazuma relaxed, and just let his Luck do all the work for him. Some days it was in, some days it was out, but right now, Kazuma was the luckiest son of a bitch in the Seven Kingdoms, and he knew it. He bobbed and weaved, dancing away from Jon, and holding his sword in a one handed grip, the other hand raised behind him as he faced the other boy in a sideways stance. No one had ever taught Kazuma how to fight like this, and it irritated both his father and uncle to no end when he did it, but they weren't here right now, so he didn't care.
After a minute or so, Jon started to grow frustrated, his attacks growing more reckless. Although he was still disciplined and maintained his form, there were more openings. So Kazuma struck, moving in with a flick of his practice sword. Wrist, wrist, hand, and Jon dropped his sword and-
The older boy's shield came around, and Kazuma realized he'd just fallen into a trap. It smacked him dead on in the nose and he staggered back as he felt his luck drain away. Jon bent to grab his sword, and Kazuma leaned over as well, acting as though he were more hurt than he was. Jon took advantage of the opening, and Kazuma jerked up, throwing a handful of dirt in the other boy's eyes. While Jon was blinded, Kazma's sword darted under his raised guard, poking the other boy in the thigh.
"Point again to the prince," Ser Rodrik said, sounding amusing. "You fight like a Bravosi, your highness. Where did the king find a Water Dancer to tutor you?"
"A what now?" Kazuma gasped, putting a hand gingerly to his nose. He tweaked it, and sighed in relief when he felt that it wasn't broken.
Ser Rodrik's bushy white eyebrows shot up, and he stroked his mustache. "That stance, and your style...I could have sworn you'd tutored under a master Water Dancer. Masters of the blade they are. They fight with swords alone, only lightly armored, but they are a terror in a duel. Not a match for a knight in plate on the field of battle, you understand; no room to maneuver. But one on one...well, I've seen experienced knights humiliated facing them."
"I dunno, just feels right, you know?" Kazuma said with a shrug. He eyed Jon, who was looking at him sourly. He really didn't want to piss this guy off; they were supposed to stay in Winterfell for a few weeks, and Kazuma just didn't have the energy for a grudge. "That was a slick move with the shield though, Big J. Thought you damn near broke my nose for me. Gotta remember that."
Jon blinked, and seemed to relax. "Big J?"
"Yeah, I'm not so hot with names. I'd forget my own if they didn't put it on my smallclothes."
That got Jon and Robb to both laugh, and Kazuma noticed Sir Rod stroking his mustache rather vigorously to hide a smile of his own. That made Kazuma relax himself. It was hard to hate someone you shared a laugh with.
"I think I've had enough for now," Jon chuckled, and turned to hand his sword and shield off to Robb. "Let's see how you fare against the eldest Stark."
"Ah, you see, I have a cunning plan for defeating this next challenger," Kazuma said arily, raising his sword.
"Oh, and what's that?" Robb asked, his tone amused.
"Tag team, tag team!" Kazuma cried, and dashed over, tossing the practice sword at Sandor.
"Oh come now, is that how the prince really handles a noble foe?" Robb called.
Kazuma peaked out from behind Sandor. "Heck yeah it is! You're even bigger than Big J! I'm not stupid. Pick on someone your own size!"
"He's a full head taller than me," Robb said, looking incredulously up at Sandor, who hadn't budged an inch.
"Really?" Kazuma walked out, frowning at Sandor. He then back peddled until he was next to Robb, and measured the difference in their heights. "By Eris, he's right! You are a full head taller than me! Clearly, this is a fair fight!"
"If you are too cowardly to face my brother, perhaps you shall consent to face a challenge from the Foremost Genius of the House of Stark!" Megumin cried, and jumped out from behind the stables, wielding an arming sword in both her hands.
"Hey now, no need to get dumb," Kazuma said, backing away. Megumin grinned and advanced, but this time, Sandor did move.
"I don't think so, little wolf," he growled, scowling down at Megumin as he put himself between her and Kazuma. "His Highness receiving his just desserts in the yard is one thing. Coming at him with naked steel is another."
"Quite so," Sir Rodrik snapped, grabbing Megumin by the collar and pinning her arms to her side. She squealed, but he easily disarmed her before dropping the irate girl to the ground. "There shall be no naked steel in my practice yard, especially not from you, young lady. Only Lord Robb and Jon Snow are ready for such a thing, and then only at need."
"Why, because I'm a girl?" Megumin snapped, glaring at Sir Rodrik.
"No, dummy, it's because neither of us is strong or experienced enough to trust with steel!" Kazuma said, grabbing his practice blade back from Sandor and striding towards Megumin. Robb made to move, but Megumin sprang right up to Kazuma, her nostril's flaring and red eyes practically glowing in the early morning light.
"Well they won't even let me use a sword, so how the heck am I supposed to be experienced?!" Megumin demanded.
Kazuma rolled his eyes. "Fine, here. Take this."
"Ha!" Megumin grabbed the sword and swung at Kazuma, only for him to duck under it and then slap at her arm, making her drop the practice blade.
"See? You're terrible. You go waving around a real sword and the first person you'll hurt is you. Do you know how long my dad and uncle made me wave around one of these stupid things before they let me have Masamune?" Kazuma demanded, poking Megumin in the chest.
"I don't know, because they don't let girls have swords! It's not fair, you're a boy, they let you have all the fun you want!" Megumin wailed, tears coming into her eyes. Robb and Jon again made to move forward, but Kazuma picked up the fallen weapon and passed it back to Megumin.
"Well, I am a firm believer in gender equality. Which means I will totally drop kick your ass if you pick a fight with me again, we clear?"
"I was winning anyway," Megumin sniffed, but held her sword up again. This time, away from Kazuma, and eyeing him sideways. "Just you wait! I'll be ten times the knight you'll be!"
"No, no. You're not some knight. Knights are dumb. Don't fight like knights," Kazuma told her, grabbing Megumin's arm and forcing her to assume a one handed stance like he used.
"Hear hear," Sandor rumbled.
"Knights are dumb," Tommen echoed seriously.
"What?! No! Knights are cool! They go on quests, and slay monsters, and-"
"Get their asses killed all the time by people who don't run about in gleaming mail and aren't afraid to fight dirty. You think I could have beat your brother if I fought all honorably?" Kazuma demanded, pointing to Jon. That made the other boy start, and Robb's eyes go wide in surprise.
"...yes," Megumin muttered stubbornly. Both she and Kazuma were oblivious to the ramifications of the crown prince acknowledging a bastard as Megumin's brother.
"Well, you're wrong. If I'd come at him in the same old stupid way, he'd have kicked my ass. He's older, stronger, and probably better than me if for no other reason than he looks like the sort of dumbass who ENJOYS going outside and getting all sweaty."
Megumin did not contest this point, instead allowing Kazuma to fix her stance to something he approved of.
"Right now, you're at a lot of disadvantages already, so you can't afford to fight like some stuffy old knight," Kazuma told her, stepping back. "You gotta fight to WIN, not to show how brave and noble you are or some crap like that."
"What kind of disadvantages?" Megumin growled.
"Well, you're short, not very strong, and you ain't had a whole lot of practice like you said. I don't think swinging around a broomhandle whenever your mom isn't looking counts," Kazuma said, planting his hands on his hips.
By Megumin's dark expression, Kazuma figured he had her number, so he continued. "So you have to take all that, and turn it into an ADVANTAGE, see? Yo, R Dawg, fix me up," Kazuma said, snapping his fingers at Robb.
For a wonder, Robb tossed Kazuma his sword. "Old goddesses and new preserve us, he even talks like her."
"Whatever you say, 'R Dawg,'" Jon said, a very amused expression on his face.
"Oh, just you wait until I tell Lord Umber you're 'Big J,'" Robb shot back, but Kazuma ignored the byplay.
"Now, normally, in a fight, the little guy, or in your case, girl, is on the backfoot," Kazuma explained. "But, there are advantages to being small. You're harder to hit. It takes less energy for you to move about. And you are closer to the ground."
"What's that got to do with anything?" Megumin demanded.
"Hey, Tommy, someone big and scary comes at you, what do you do?"
"Get Mr. The Hound or you, Big Bro," Tommen replied without hesitation.
Kazuma rolled his eyes. "They got you cornered."
"Throw dirt in their eyes and kick 'em in the balls," Tommen answered seriously.
Ser Rodrik let out a startled bark of laughter, which he rapidly disguised as a cough. Robb and Jon, on the other hand, did not bother with the coughs, instead dissolving into hysterics as they leaned on one another.
Megumin gave Kazuma an incredulous stare. "That's your sword fighting lesson?"
"Damn right it is," Kazuma agreed. "First rule of Fighting With Kazuma: Fight Dirty. Alright, now, I'm going to come at you and-"
Megumin threw a spray of dirt in Kazuma's eyes, and the next thing he knew, everything was pain, and he flopped to the ground. "Medic," he wheezed. "Tell my mom and dad I love them, I think I'm dying. Oh goddesses, why did you kick me in the boys?"
"You told me to," Megumin giggled, crouched down over Kazuma, a wide grin on her face.
"You win this round, you damn chuuni lunatic. But I'll get you next time," Kazuma gasped.
"Oh shut up, you stupid NEET. You're just pretending. It can't hurt THAT bad."
"Oh, trust me, sister, it definitely does," Jon chuckled, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. "Oh goddesses, what did you expect to happen, your highness?"
"Oh go piss into the wind," Kazuma groaned, the stars slowly fading from his vision. Which meant he got a wonderful view of his mother's horrified expression as she froze when she rounded the corner.
"My precious Kazuma!" Cersei wailed, running over.
Kazuma groaned and closed his eyes. Perfect. This was just perfect.
"What have these vicious northern brutes done to you!?" Cersei demanded, her hands running over Kazuma. "You, Hound! Why did you not protect my son, your prince!? Are you not his sworn shield?"
"Begging your pardon, my lady, but he damn well asked for it. Practically begged," Sandor stated matter of factly.
"Mom," Kazuma groaned as Cersei dragged him up, hugging him to her chest.
"Don't worry, I shall talk to your father. We shall depart at once! I will not stand for my eldest son to-"
"Mom!" Kazuma snapped, pushing her away. "We were training! Come on! You know accidents happen! I'm not a baby anymore! You want to mother someone, go bother Tommen! Megumin just got in a lucky hit, that's all!"
"You!" Cersei snarled, rounding on Megumin, who jerked back at the emerald fury burning in the queen's eyes. "This is not the first time you have savaged my son! Robert was too gentle, he-"
"Oh back off, mom. Do you seriously think I can't protect myself from her if I want to?" Kazuma demanded, putting himself between his mother and Megumin. "Look, I was just showing her how to fight, and, well, she, er, well, she fought back better than I thought."
"You were what?" Cersei hissed, stepping back from Kazuma. "Her?! How to fight?!"
"Yeah, that's what I said!" Kazuma snapped, folding his arms over his chest and glaring up at his mother. Dammit, why was she still taller than him?! He was twelve already!
"The training yard is no place for a proper lady," Cersei sneered, her tone a vicious mockery.
"Well, then what does that make you?" Kazuma demanded, his tone cold.
Cersei flinched as though she'd just been struck, and her wounded expression immediately made Kazuma regret his words. For years, he'd gotten along just fine with his mother, even enjoyed her affection and constant protection of him from anything that might make him uncomfortable.
But lately… Kazuma had started to resent it. He didn't know why, exactly. He should have welcomed his mother rescuing him from the training yard. He'd nearly had his nose broken, and his balls still ached. But her going after Megumin, and acting like that in front of Robb and Jon, not to mention Tommen and Sandor… it made him feel like a child, and he hated that.
"Cersei."
All eyes turned to Kazuma's uncle Jamie, who stepped forward, putting a hand on her arm. However, it was Kazuma who Jamie looked at, cold anger in his eyes. "Your Highness. Is that anyway to treat your lady mother?"
Licking his lips, Kazuma flushed. "I...I apologize, mother. I was...hasty in my words. Forgive me."
Cersei still looked hurt, but she jerked a nod. "I...I forget you are nearly a man grown, Kazuma. Perhaps you are too old for a mother's love."
"No, mom, I-" Kazuma sighed, passing his sword to Megumin. "Sorry. We'll practice more later."
Then he took his mother's arm, and escorted her from the training yard. Tommen hurried up to Kazuma's side, looking frightened and worried, until Jamie picked up the young prince. Sandor followed behind, ever the faithful hound.
Inwardly, Kazuma's emotions were a mess, but he made himself say, "I'm sorry, mom. You… you know I love you, right?"
That made his mother smile at him, and she patted Kazuma's arm. "Yes. I love you as well, Kazuma. With all my heart. Just...remember who your friends are. And who your family is."
Kazuma snuck a look back at Megumin, who was still standing there, practice sword clutched in her arms. For a moment he felt...he didn't know. It wasn't a familiar emotion, really. It was sort of like what he felt for Myrcella or Tommen, that need to protect and that warm fondness he felt for both his siblings. A bit like the love he really did feel for his mother especially, and even the respect and desire for approval he felt for his father.
But this...this was something else. Kazuma wasn't sure what. Only that when he saw Megumin...it was like he was remembering something, only, he'd never felt this way before.
It was probably just his balls aching still. Stupid chuunibyou brat.
"Mom, what's a chuunibyou?" Kazuma asked, mulling the word over in his mind as they made their way to the apartments the Lannisters had claimed.
Cersei blinked, frowning at her son. "I've never heard that word before. Where did you hear it? It almost sounds like something from the Summer Isles, or Yi Ti. Jamie, have you heard the term?"
"I can't say that I have," Jamie admitted. "Why do you ask, nephew?"
"I just...I dunno. What about NEET?"
Cersei laughed. "That would be tidy, which your chambers rarely are unless the maids have been at them lately."
"No, not like that. It's...an insult, I think?"
"You certainly behave that way at times," the queen said, ruffling Kazuma's hair and kissing him on the cheek. "I'll fetch a maester to see to your hurts. You lie down. Those Starks were far too rough on you, my little lion."
"Stag," Kazuma muttered as he was ushered to his bed. He'd started to hate being compared to a lion, even if he did look more the Lannister than the Baratheon. Part of it was his desperate need for his father's rarely given approval. If Robert heard he'd gotten his ass kicked by a girl…
Kazuma just lay down to take a nap. His head was starting to hurt as much as his testicles. He'd ask Tyrion about those weird words later. He tried to sleep, but for some reason, he kept thinking about how he'd felt, looking at Megumin. He shuddered. Things were changing. And Kazuma wasn't sure if he liked that.
Cast of Characters:
Holo the Wise Wolf as; The Old Gods
Chomusuke as; Nymeria the Direwolf
Eris as; The Smith? Look, there really isn't a 1-1 correlation here.
Madokami as; The Father/Chief Goddess
Hoost as; Summer the Dire Wolf
Vanir as; Komekko's Invisible Friend?
Jon Snow as; Big J
Robb Stark as; R Dawg
Ned Stark as; World's Best Dad
Catelyn Stark as; Expecting
Jamie and Cersei as; Rehabilitating
And various others
With the cast of A Song of Ice and Fire as increasingly different people (and we're just getting started!)