Written and Directed by: Full-Paragon

Produced by: The Grand Cognator

This chapter was sponsored by Nord VPN. For when you want to keep secrets, use Nord VPN. That way, your convoluted plot won't unravel the first time two characters get a clue and talk to one another.

Feeling withdrawal from your crack habit? Talk to your dealer about A Clash Of NEETs, which is proven to contain 50% more crack than a plumbers' convention. Side effects may include: Loss of sanity, mad cackling, EXPLOSIONS, and excessive crossovers.

Chapter 7: Idiot plots are stupid anyway

Back at the camp, everyone was frantic with worry, even the King having ridden out to look for his son and Ned's daughter. It took nearly a full day for everyone to return, during which time both of the children were given a mixture of tearful hugs, irate dressing downs, stern lectures, and much needed sleep and food.

With them returned however, Eddard, Robert, Jamie, and Jory Cassel, head of the Stark troops, met in private, grim looks on all their faces as the men talked quietly.

"That blast was unlike anything we've ever seen," Eddard informed them. "Our maesters have measured it, and even they have little knowledge as to what could have caused it. Some claim it was a fallen star, others an eruption of gas. I have my doubts as to the truth of that."

"The children were there, we found tracks. Perhaps they know," Jory offered.

"They refuse to speak of it, and I do not think pressing the issue will help," Jamie said with a shake of his head. "I half suspect they are responsible."

"Are you daft, man?" Robert demanded. "Megumin may claim she's got some terrible dark powers, but she's a slip of a girl! As for my son, no matter what the signs surrounding his birth, I refuse to believe he could have caused it, despite what Aqua and Eris supposedly said about him!"

That got Jory to look up, shocked. He glanced at his own lord, frowning. "Lord Stark, does the king, er, know?"

Eddard drumed the table with his fingers, eyeing Jamie and Robert, who seemed to be sharing a silent conversation.

"Your Grace, Eddard Stark is to be your Hand. It would be wise to trust him with such things, especially if your son is to marry Lord Stark's daughter," Jamie said slowly.

"Oh fuck off, Kingslayer," Robert grumbled. But he nodded. "Ned, there's something you need to know about my son. His birth was...odd. To say the least. Cercei says she was visited by the Goddesses themselves the night he was conceived. I don't remember it myself, I was too deep in my cups, to my shame. But…"

"I saw them, Lord Stark," Jamie whispered, his eyes haunted. "I was standing guard at the queen's chambers that night. They appeared to be two maidens, extremely fair to behold. And yet...not. I cannot explain, but if you asked me their age, my answer would change with each telling. Perhaps no more than sixteen summers, mere girls. Then, well past thirty, but with the years resting lightly upon them. At other times...I cannot say."

Eddard and Jory exchanged a look, and the Captain of the Guard nodded. "I saw them myself, the second time. Only caught a glimpse as they came out of the Sept, but what I saw...your description, Ser Jamie, is accurate. I could not give them an age."

"Twice, Catelyn and I have been visited by the Goddesses," Eddard explained, meeting Robert's eyes. "First, before the birth of the twins. Again, years later, before we had Komekko. Their words and actions were odd. I have a hard time recalling them, as though they slip through my mind, but one thing I am certain they told us: my daughters would have a terrible destiny, and great power."

"And that they would be the salvation of the world," Robert finished, looking pale and worn.

"And Winter is coming," Ned agreed.

Robert reached for his cup of wine, then hesitated. "Get me some water, Jamie. I need a clear head for this."

Jamie bowed, and returned with goblets for everyone. He even poured even for Jory, who nodded his thanks.

"They're too young for this," Robert muttered, taking a pull of water and making a face. "Seven Hells, Kazuma's barely more than a boy. And a foolish one at that. Do you think he…?"

"I don't know," Eddard admitted. "The ways of the goddesses are strange."

"And not for men to know," Robert snarled, slamming his cup down. "But dammit, Ned, we have to know! Fuck the kingdoms, that's my son and your girl! I...well, I know I'm not the best father, but I love my son. He's odd, to be certain, but he's a good lad. Kind, gentle, and strong when he wants to be. He'll be a better king than I, one day."

"I have little experience with Southron goddesses, save for when they visited my bedchamber unannounced," Eddard said slowly. "I cannot see into their minds, nor fathom their plots. We need someone who can." He looked to Jory, who winced.

"Gods be good, my lord. Not her," his captain groaned.

Eddard pressed his lips together. "If anyone knows the mind of Aqua, it is her. Fetch her, Jory."

Jory bowed, and exited the tent. Robert and Jamie eyed Eddard, wary looks on their faces.

"Who is this woman? Yunyun?" Jamie asked.

"No, my other daughter would have to be pried from her sister by force, and I don't know a man in the camps with the heart to do it," Eddard said. "This is...another strange woman. She is...well, she is an Axis Septa."

Robert brightened considerably at that, until Nedd added, "Who prefers women. I swear, I'd have expelled her years ago if she wasn't the only person I've ever met who can manage to get lessons into Megumin's head. My daughter had driven off five tutors and twice as many nurses before the Scepta arrived."

"The Axis Cult," Jamie groaned, rubbing the bridge of his nose with one hand. "If they weren't so popular, I would think they'd have been disbanded years ago. The other cults can be strange enough, but the Axis…"

"Is the best one of all!" Jamie and Robert jumped as a ray of sunshine flounced into the tent, and sat down next to Eddard, a wide grin on her face. "Come on, big guy, you know you love us! Everyone does! You know what they say! All Love is good, and nobody loves more than Aqua!"

"Your grace, I present to you Septa Cecily. My daughter's tutor and minder," Eddard said, trying very hard not to sigh heavily.

"How's it going, Bobby B? Big fan, you know! You're Aqua's favorite king in ages!" Cecily declared. She snatched up a cup, took a drink, and made a face. "What, water? Wow, you Lords are boring. Come on! Life's short, so have fun while you're here!"

"...I don't know that I want a clear head for this anymore," Robert muttered, then shook himself. "Alright Ned, didn't think you'd have a pet Axis Septa. Though you would choose one that wouldn't jump into bed with you. Only reason anyone tolerates them, I swear."

"Aww, I'd go a round with Lady Stark, and maybe Eddy too if he's good!" Cecily laughed. She winked at the king. "You want to have some fun, you let me know, tiger. Everyone's heard about Lil' Bobby. Bring your wife, it'll be fun!"

Jamie flushed and clenched his jaw, but the king slammed a fist onto the table and roared, "Seven Hells woman, I'm worried about the life of my son! Now what do you know about that damnable explosion that nearly killed Kazuma and Megumin!"

"Sheesh, relax, you'll give yourself a heart attack," Cecily muttered. She sighed and rested her head on one hand, eyeing Eddard Stark. "You know boss, this would be a lot easier if you ever bothered coming to church. It's fun! We sing songs and stuff."

Eddard didn't respond, having long ago learned that engaging Cecily in banter was a sure way to get no answers and a massive headache.

"Ok, so, you two are church going men, right?" Cecily asked. "Don't have to explain the basics to you?"

"Woman, I am about ten seconds from tossing you out of this tent and having Ser Illyian beat some manners into you!" Robert shouted. "Do you know anything, or are you just taunting us?!"

"Fine, whatever. Megumin and Kazuma are Children of Destiny. That means they're been chosen by the gods, blah blah blah, religious stuff, reincarnation of ancient heroes. Point is, if you're wondering where this explosion came from, I'd bet it came from the two of them," Cecily declared.

"My son is no bloody sorcerer!" Robert snapped. "He's...well...Kazuma has always been a bit queer, you see, but he's not capable of...that!" The king gestured vaguely towards where the crater resided.

"Begging your pardon, your grace, but Kazuma has displayed many rather unusual skills," Jamie mused, rubbing his stubbled chin, as none of the men had shaved that day. "There's his uncanny aim with the bow and sling, and his sword fighting ability."

"Talk sense, Lannister! He's a twelve year old boy! He's been practicing the sword and boy since he was old enough to walk!" the King barked. Then he frowned. "Or, no, wait. He's been avoiding practicing them. Seven Hells, I practically have to drag him out to the yard, and half the time I give up before we get there. I suppose you haven't had much better luck."

Jamie shook his head ruefully. "And as Ser Roderik pointed out in Winterfell, Kazuma doesn't fight like a knight of the Seven Kingdoms. He fights like a Bravo, and a master at that. I certainly didn't teach him to 'throw dirt in their eye and kick them in the balls' but he's got Tommen doing it as well."

"That's true enough. I always thought he just did it to infuriate me, as the lad seems to reveal in that," Robert muttered, stroking his own beard. He glanced up at Eddard. "Don't tell me Megumin has shown some magical talent. The maesters tell us magic's been extinct since the Doom."

"Ehh, kinda," Cecily said, tilting one hand back and forth as she made a face. "The Goddesses locked magic away to keep mortals safe, that's true. But they also grant it to a chosen few. Septas have always been able to do minor magic. You know, like the Cult of Renewal can heal people, and Axis members can purify water. However, Aqua also grants special favors. Your kids are chosen by her. That means they've got a lot more magic than a normal mortal hidden away for time of need."

"There have been...strange things," Eddard admitted. "Nothing like this, and, well as often with Komekko or Yunyun as Megumin. But...they can see in the dark. We'd find the girls wandering the halls of Winterfell in the dead of night with no candle or lantern, able to see better than you or I at midday. At times, Megumin has managed things I wouldn't have thought possible. We mostly consider it a result of her youthful fervor, but…"

"I've told you, blessings from the Goddess," Cecily declared. "Aqua said they're got power, here's your proof. Plus, I've told you, when I'm tutoring her, Megumin just knows things. It's more than her just being smart, because she is, but she and her sisters just figure things out too fast. Her figuring out how to blow something up just makes sense."

"Power like that," Robert mused. "It could annihilate an entire army with a single blow."

That idea made Eddard's face darken. "You are not turning my daughters into weapons, Robert."

"Oh, nay, no, not now," Robert agreed, still looking thoughtful. "The Seven Kingdoms are at peace, for now. But we've enemies, Ned. A display of power like that...makes a man think is all. Besides, could have been my son that set that off."

"Why don't we just ask them?" Cecily demanded.

"You think we haven't tried that, woman?" Robert growled, going flushed in the face. "The two of them just say they got scared and ran!"

"I'll talk to my daughter, and Kazuma," Eddard promised, standing. "It's been more than a day, and they've had a night of sleep. Best if we talk about it now."

"I'll come with you," Robert said, trying to rise, but struggling to do so in the narrow confines of the tent.

"Begging your pardon, your grace, but I think it's best if I try alone first. Megumin is fierce, but she has a shy side when she thinks she's in trouble. If she won't talk to me, I'd suggest we send Yunyun. She can't keep a secret from her sister."

That seemed to irritate Robert, but he jerked a nod. "Very well. I suppose screaming at the foolish boy won't get him to open up. If he thinks you're pressuring him Kazuma will turn the entire thing into a jape. Damn! If only Tyrion were here, he could get the boy to talk."

"He's still likely at the wall, or not yet returned to Winterfell," Jamie sighed. "I'm half surprised he didn't try to take Kazuma with him."

"Boy's too lazy for that, knows better than to go where it's so bloody cold. Very well, Ned, see if you can get them to talk, then have Yunyun try it. I swear, that girl could get a stone to speak if you left it with her."

Robert couldn't have known that Yunyun had, in a previous life, indeed mastered the Speak with Stone spell, specifically so she could make friends with rocks as no one else seemed to want to talk with her.

Eddard found his daughters not in their tent, but in the king's wheelhouse with the princes and princess. Robb was sitting outside of the door, talking quietly with the queen. He stood as his father approached, looking deeply troubled.

"They still won't say what has happened. I've not seen Megumin like this before, father. Something scared her, badly."

"My son is...unwell," Cersei admitted. "I've tried to speak to him, but he won't allow himself to be separated from Megumin." She swallowed, and put a hand on Eddard's arm. "Lord Stark, my son...he seems fond of you. Perhaps this time, a father can coax from him what a mother cannot?"

"I will do what I can, my lady," Eddard replied, gently taking Cercei's hand and giving it a squeeze. To think he was growing close to the Lannisters...Lysa's letter had indicated that they had murdered Jon Arryn, but...it was growing harder to think of them as rivals and strangers. Not when Myrcella hopped in Eddard's lap at times, or when Tommen showed him a pretty feather he'd found, or when Kazuma was clearly becoming Megumin's closest companion.

Eddard quietly got Yunyun to take the other children away, and closed the door. Megumin and Kazuma eyed him, and he noticed the two slid close to one another, taking each other's hand. It was hurtful, seeing his daughter clearly mistrust him and instead look to another man for comfort, but it also brought joy. Every father knew that one day, their little girl would grow up and find a man to replace him as their protector and confidant. It seemed that day had come sooner for Megumin than most.

"First, before we begin, let me say that I'm not angry," Eddard said quietly. "Quite the opposite: I'm frightened for the two of you. That blast could have killed you. If it had… nothing could have caused me greater pain. So this is why I ask you again: what happened? I promise, nothing you say will rouse me to anger, nor shall it incur punishment on you. I will weigh your words, and not dismiss what you say out of hand. No matter how wild the tale."

Kazuma swallowed. "We told you, it was a falling star, we-"

"Kazuma," Megumin whispered, squeezing the prince's hand. "He's my dad. We...we have to tell someone. What if there were more?"

"I...OK. I trust you," the prince said, swallowing hard.

Megumin took a deep breath. "We were… playing. Well, practicing. Not… not sword fighting. I know that's what you think we're doing… but… "

"We weren't doing anything lewd!" Kazuma swore. Then he looked down, seeming to realize he was holding Megumin's hand. He seemed to almost jerk away, then steeled himself. "Well, OK, we have held hands sometimes."

"N-not all the time! I'm not a pervert!" Megumin stammered.

Eddard hid a smile behind his hand. "Considering that the two of you are betrothed, I hardly think holding the hand of your future Lord would be considered improper, Megumin. Now. What were you practicing?"

"Magic," Megumin admitted quietly.

"I...I can do magic. Sometimes," Kazuma admitted, and Eddard felt his heart leap. He wasn't sure if it was fear, relief, or both.

"The blast wasn't Kazuma though," Megumin added, looking down, and dread began to fill Eddard's heart. "That… that was me."

"There were bandits," Kazuma whispered. "We… we were alone, and they came after us. We couldn't run away, there were too many. Megumin… she saved us."

"Bandits?" Eddard said, and despite having given his word, fury did flush his face, and he tightened his fists. He saw fear in the children's eyes, and hasten to reassure them. "I am sorry. I am not wroth at the idea you slew some brigands. Only at the thought that men would dare to try to harm my daughter. I suppose it was foolish to allow you to wander off alone, even with Chomusuke. I thought this area well patrolled."

"I don't really know what happened," Megumin admitted. "Whenever I'd tried to use magic before, the way Kazuma does it, nothing would happen. It never really felt right. But, when I knew they were going to try to hurt him… I just… I could do it. It was like… like there really was a dark power within my blood, calling to me. And I just… answered it."

Eddard leaned back, considering this. At last, he nodded. "I can accept that. You've been told your birth was marked by strange omens. This seems sure proof of it. But, why did you run? Why not come to us?"

"I was scared. I thought… I thought everyone would be angry, that we'd done magic. The maesters say magic is dangerous, evil, old," Kazuma whispered as he and Megumin wrapped their arms about one another, shivering. "I thought someone would take her away. And… and I couldn't let that happen. So… I was going to run away with her. Somewhere safe, where no one could ever separate us."

"I couldn't move on my own, but I would have gone with Kazuma anywhere," Megumin said fiercely. "With Chomusuke, we could have survived."

"It saddens me that you would think I would ever allow anything to happen to either of you," Eddard said, and moved forward, putting his arms around both children. They clung to him, and he could feel Megumin shuddering as she sobbed. Kazuma trembled, obviously trying to hold back tears of his own. "This I promise, to both of you: no matter what happens, no matter who comes against you, I'll always be your father, Megumin. And, perhaps yours as well, Kazuma. Nothing in this world is more important to me than the both of you. You can always come to me. Or your own mother, Kazuma. She loves you dearly. You know that, don't you?"

"I do, but…" Kazuam swallowed. "If I had to pick… I was going to pick Megumin."

"A wise choice for a man to make, concerning his future wife," Eddard chuckled. He gave one last squeeze, then stood. "We're going to have to tell your parents, Kazuma. The fact that you can do magic-"

The door suddenly slid open, and Yunyun tumbled into the room. She jerked upright, looking up at her father with a guilty expression, but then scrambled over to Megumin. "You can do magic too?! I thought it was just me!"

"You-what?" Eddard gasped.

Megumin's eyes went very wide as her sister grabbed her by the shoulders, still babbling. "At first it was just the needles, but then I could change the color of the thread, and one time when I thought Komekko was going to fall I accidentally made her light and she really did fall, except she sort of floated and-"

"How long have you been able to do magic?" Megumin demanded suspiciously, her eyes narrowing.

"Um, well…."

"How long?!" Megumin growled, reaching up and grabbing her sister's arms.

"Um. Six years."

"Six years and you didn't tell me!? You've had this incredible power the entire time!?" Megumin raged, shaking her sister violently.

Eddard separated the two as Yunyun started to sob. "That's enough! I know you're still frightened, but this has to stop, now. What about Komekko?"

Yunyun and Megumin exchanged looks.

"You know Vanir's real, right?" Megumin asked slowly.

Eddard felt a chill run down his spine. "What do you mean, Vanir is real?"

"Nothing!" the girls said in unison. They gave their father a big smile.

"Want to see me do another Explosion?" Megumin offered.

Head spinning, Eddard had to reach out to the door frame to steady himself. "Let's… defer on any further explosions for now. That was dangerous. Such things should only be done in time of need. Not on a whim."

"Oh, ok. I guess I can wait to unleash my incredible power again," Megumin muttered. She glanced at Kazuma. "What about him?"

Eddard frowned, studying the prince as he fidgeted slightly. "What magic can you perform?"

"Just small stuff. I can make a flame, or summon earth. Other stuff too, I think. I just… I can't do it all the time. I've only managed it when I'm scared, or angry, or someone's in danger, or I think they're in danger," Kazuma admitted, rubbing the back of his head and giving Eddard a self deprecating smile..

"Then we shall need to practice. And before you suggest it, Megumin, I am not allowing my daughter to put herself, or anyone else, in danger real or imagined. There are other ways to train a discipline. We should also see if perhaps we can find a Maester with a Valyrian Steel link to aid us. Yunyun, can you show us your magic?"

"Yes! It's not very hard, really, once you know how to do it. Come on, Megumin, I'll teach you!" Yunyun said eagerly, and the two girls hurried off, leaving Eddard alone with the prince. He rose, but Kazuma grabbed his sleeve.

"Hey, um wait. What you said, about me and Megumin getting married...are you serious?"

Nodding, Eddard sat back down. "I am. Your father and I have made such an arrangement formally. It will be years yet; though Megumin has flowered, you are not yet a man grown. I think it best to wait until that day."

"Yeah, probably," Kazuma agreed, looking relieved. Then he looked away. "But...what if she doesn't want to marry me?"

Despite himself, Eddard chuckled. "Then I suppose you have the next three years to convince her, don't you?"

"Yeah," Kazuma said slowly, nodding to himself. "I guess I do. Thanks, um, Lord Stark."

"In private, call me Ned. Your father does. I think we know one another well enough now, don't we, Kazuma?"

The prince looked up, and this time, his smile was genuine, even boyish. "Yeah, I guess so, Ned."

Then he hopped up and ran out of the wheelhouse, shouting, "Hey, Megumin, wait up!"

Eddard stopped by Cersei, who gave him a worried, questioning look. He gave her a grim nod. "We'd best find Robert. I think this is something both of you need to hear."

Goddesses be good. Just what was happening to his children? Eddard wished Catelyn was here. He'd have to tell her, somehow. Because he suspected that Komekko, and more worryingly, Vanir, had strange abilities of her own.

Cast of Characters

Cecily as; Septa Mordane. And also Queen of Thirst.

Eddard Stark as; One concerned father.

Bobby B as; Aqua's Meme Lord.

Cersei Lannister as; Actually a human being.

Jamie Lannister as; Yeah, you were definitely OUTSIDE the queens chambers, pal.

Aqua as; All love is good, be you lolicon, NEET, or have a brother/sister complex.

And the Cast of A Song of Ice and Fire as so not ready for this.