In the morning, Iroh returns to Zuko and I. The two of us slept fitfully through the night, both preoccupied by different things. Zuko's mind was likely full of Aang, the pirates, Zhao, while mine was filled to the brim with how close Zuko's body was to mine, to his muscles, to how I reacted at his proposed death. I blamed myself. I push those thoughts down, enveloping them in fabric and emptiness, ignoring what is likely blocking my bending.
"I told Zhao I was returning to salvage the wreckage in the morning. Zia, we are both welcome on Zhao's ship. He thinks you are my mistress, as far as he is concerned." From different parts of his clothes, Iroh drops pieces of armor. A breastplate, a helmet, an undershirt. "Here, Zuko. Quickly. The fleet is already mobilizing, and the last of the soldiers are preparing to cast off, so you must hurry. Zia and I will go ahead of you, but we must not go together."
From his sleeve, Iroh hands me a bun, warm and fluffy. Breakfast. I devour it quickly, watching Zuko take bites of his while he dresses. It is hard not to admire a man preparing for war, which is essentially what Zuko is doing.
I look around the water, looking to "salvage" whatever Iroh thinks could help us be convincing. There is a mostly intact teapot, and I find a few cups to go with it. Within the wreckage on the small dock, I find a heavily damaged nightshirt which I recognize as Zuko's. Within the remnants of it, I find a copy of young Zuko and his mother. He is smiling. He is happy.
He is worth fighting for.
I push it into my pocket, to remember what I am doing. Why I am doing this. These two people, this Zuko and his mother, that I will never meet, are the reason that I am here and not running. They are the reason I am following Iroh and Zuko to the North Pole. They are the reason I cannot hide.
"Zia, are you ready?" Iroh asks, waiting at the edge of the dock. "There will be a change of clothes for us when we board Zhao's ship. If you go ahead, I will discuss some things with Zuko."
I begin the ascent, climbing the path that seems so distant now. I climbed this last night, before the explosion. The road is muddy from the melting snow and frequent travelers. Our prints will mingle with everyone else's.
I wait at the top, staring down at the large fleet before me. It is intimidating, and I press my hand against the folded picture of Zuko and his mother. I need strength, because I know what this fleet is for. It is likely something similar killed my people.
I hear Iroh long before he speaks up, his breathing heavy and difficult with the cold air. He joins me, waving me forward so we walk arm-in-arm. "Zia," he whispers, "I want you to be careful around Zhao. Try not to meet with him unaccompanied, and be vague about your role on the ship. It is likely that some members aboard our previous vessel shared some details about you. In the instance that he brings that up, I would recommend stating that you grew up near an Air Temple, or studied the fall of the Air Nomads. Read a lot of scrolls. Something to get him off your scent."
I nod, knowing the situation I am about to put myself in. I can masquerade as mistress, but hiding what I know and how I know it will prove a challenge, as lying has not always been my strong suit.
"Zuko will be on the ship as a soldier, and our interactions with each other must be short and discreet. Keep this in mind if you ever bump into him. The voyage north will not take more than a week, though the siege could go on for months. It is essential that we prepare for Zuko's departure from the fleet by hoarding food and anything he deems necessary. Do you understand?"
"What if Zhao catches me in a lie?" I say. "What if Jee is brought forward and tells him that I know an extensive amount about fighting?" As I begin to think these thoughts, my anxiety swells. I take several deep breaths as we approach a dinghy manned by a soldier. Our conversation will be over soon.
"Zia," Iroh says, halting, holding me by the shoulders, "I believe that you can do this. You have taught Zuko much, and I know how much bravery that must take. We have not discussed the fall of your people since the beginning, but I cannot imagine the toll teaching Zuko must take on you. Because of that, I believe facing Zhao and heading to the North Pole is something you can do with ease. Regardless, you will have my support."
I smile, and I fight the tears that are threatening to fall down my face. Iroh is right, as always. I have not given it much thought beyond the initial motivation to teach Zuko, but there is something different in Zuko. Something worth teaching. An understanding of others. With a nod of my head, Iroh and I board the dinghy. Together, we head into the maw of the beast.
After boarding Zhao's leading ship, Iroh shows me to our room and a change of clothes. Additionally, there is a heavily lined cloak, thick boots, and a pair of gloves. Iroh turns his back while I quickly change, quietly missing the stretch of cloth that I hope Zuko still has. It is my last physical link to the Air Nomads.
Afterwards, Iroh takes me up to the bridge to watch the fleet leave with Zhao. The wind is cold, biting through my exposed skin on my face. Zhao stands with his back to Iroh and I, and I think about how easy it would be to step forward and push with all my might. But we are surrounded by Fire Nation soldiers and ships. I would not make it out easily.
There are nearly a hundred ships around us, all pumping smoke up into the sky. "My fleet is ready. Set a course for the Northern Water Tribe," Zhao says, looking forward to his conquest. My stomach clenches. There is no way the Northern Water Tribe could survive this. Sure, they have some great benders, but from what Zuko and Iroh have told me, a lot of them have lost their lives already fighting the Fire Nation.
I turn, looking only at Iroh, who also holds sorrow in his eyes. He clenches my arm, nodding, trying to press some knowledge into me that I cannot begin to understand. I want to throw up, I want to fight, I want to do something.
The next few days drag on, with me spending the majority of my time stockpiling items for Zuko. A rope here, insulating clothes there, a small waterproof pouch for food, a leather water canteen. I haven't seen him since we boarded, and I think that is intentional on Iroh's part. However, I can't help thinking about him. How are his injuries from the blast healing? Does he still have my Air Nomad cloth? Does he remember everything I taught him? Did I teach him enough?
As we get closer to the capital, Agna Qel'a, my thoughts intensify. From my visits to the city, I know there is a strong spiritual connection among the people to the Water and Moon Spirits, and that Zhao has something evil planned. Not only am I worried about whatever Zhao has planned, but I question Zuko's shaky plans to capture Aang. We are currently on a Fire Nation vessel, with no easy access to a skiff or dinghy. I do not share these doubts with Iroh. If Zuko messes up, all three of us are in deep trouble.
However, my previous worries about Zhao finding out my past have drifted away. With no tattoos and no bending, I am, at best, an Air Nomad fanatic. I think, at this point, Zhao is more obsessed with bringing down the Water Tribe than Aang. With the fall of the Northern Water Tribe, Zhao thinks, Aang cannot master waterbending.
I share these thoughts to Iroh the night before Zuko departs.
"I think Zhao is approaching this more in the sense that destroying the Northern Water Tribe will gain him success in the eyes of the Fire Lord," Iroh says, handing me a cup of tea.
"Will it?"
Iroh shrugs, sitting down at our small table. "It is hard to say. My brother's whims are his own, and I have long disapproved of them."
"Iroh, aren't you older than him? Why aren't you Fire Lord? You could end this mess without a war."
I catch sadness in Iroh's eyes before he quickly looks away. I accidentally touched a nerve. "I had a son. Lu Ten. He died during my siege upon Ba Sing Se."
"You laid siege against Ba Sing Se?" I'm flabbergasted. Ba Sing Se is impenetrable. The task Iroh set upon himself to capture Ba Sing Se is unbelievable.
"Yes. For 600 days. However, it was when we broke through the outer wall that I heard Lu Ten was severely wounded. By the time I arrived, it was too late. I was devastated. And I abandoned the siege to return home to mourn my son. Shortly after I returned home, my father, Fire Lord Azulon, died. I could not rule. I did not want to continue the path of destruction and death that the Fire Nation created.
"Instead, I traveled the world, hoping to find some peace in the Spirit World. Lu Ten was not there. But I had a different kind of peace, an acceptance. It was after his death and Zuko's mother's disappearance that I shared a bond with Zuko. He became more like a son than just my nephew. I wanted peace for him as well."
"Is that why you traveled with him? Zuko was banished, but you were not," I say. I am not careful around my words anymore.
"No. I blamed myself for what happened to Zuko. If I had not allowed him to attend the Fire Lord's war meeting, he would not have spoken out. Surely, there would have been another instance in which Zuko and his father did not see eye-to-eye, but it would not have been such a devastating blow to the two of us."
After a long silence, I add, "His scar looks like a hand. Like he pressed his hand against his face."
"I looked away. But I know the scarring was so severe that Zuko can barely see out of his eye. I healed him afterwards, and guided him to a number of places, including the Western Air Temple."
I can't think of anything else to say, so we finish our tea in silence, both thinking of the future, of what lay ahead.
In the morning, I join Iroh and Zhao on the bridge again. Zhao has made no more advances to me about my status as concubine, for which I am thankful. However, the thick cloud of ash and soot above us is ominous. I feel helpless, watching this fleet advance upon the Water Tribe.
"This will truly be one for the history books, General Iroh. Just think, centuries from now, people will study the Great Admiral Zhao, who destroyed the last of the Water Tribe civilization. You're lucky you two are here to see it."
"Be careful what you wish for, Admiral. History is not always kind to its subjects."
"I suppose you speak from experience. But, rest assured, this will be nothing like your legendary failure at Ba Sing Se."
Zhao steps forward toward the edge of the bridge. As he moves forward, and the more I listen in, the more I feel like Zhao will do something disastrous to the Moon and Water Spirits. He cannot simply wipe out a whole civilization with one fleet. There are countless other Water Tribe people in the world, not just in the Southern or Northern poles.
"I hope not, for your sake," Iroh says, wincing. Does Zhao know why Iroh's siege failed? That the loss of his own son was so great that he could not continue with violence.
"Tell the captains to prepare for first strike," Zhao says, dismissing us.
As we leave, I pull Iroh into a small alcove, away from prying eyes. "In Agna Qel'a, there is an oasis," I whisper. "It isn't well known, because I imagine nobody shares it outside of those who are spiritually inclined. However, I was there once, a hundred years ago, and there were these fish, and the area was so warm."
"Zia, what are you trying to say?" Iroh grasps my arms, trying to focus me.
"I think Zhao is going to kill a spirit that has taken a physical form. I think one of those fish is a spirit." Everything falls out in a rush. I close my eyes, remembering the warmness of the air, the feel of the grass beneath my feet, the spirit gate.
"Zia, I need you to go back to the room and get the supplies for Zuko. We will be landing in the morning, most likely. Zhao would not be foolish enough to attack at night, when the waterbenders have an advantage. I will go find Zuko and inform him of the urgency."
I nod, a tight knot in my throat. I cannot do anything except to share the information I have learned, but I desperately wish I was more help. If only I had my bending. If only I hadn't blocked my own chakras. If only I could fix myself.
But, no. That's not the path I chose. I am helping Zuko and Iroh, and I will help Zuko select the right path, the righteous path. No matter what.