Confluent

by Jack-El49

Clark and Lois are the rock-steady power couple of the comic book universe. But both traveled very different paths that shaped them, helped define their hopes and dreams of finding love, and brought them into each other's arms. In three parts, Confluent tells their stories from a different perspective before and after they met, beginning with their teenage years.

10. Part One, Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Smallville – 2015

He wished he could talk to someone about what happened on the night of the Smallville New Year's celebration. It had been a quiet ride back to the Kent farm with a clearly disappointed and possibly upset Lana. He just was not sure if she was upset with him or the situation.

"Could you keep the window rolled down a little, Clark? I don't want the truck to smell like the burn pit when my folks go to use it," Lana asked, and it was the only thing she said to Clark until they reached the farmhouse. "Call you after I get up?" she asked as they pulled up.

"Yeah, sure," Clark responded, just glad that her voice broke the uncomfortable silence. "Lana," he began, "I'm sorry about tonight. I just reacted not thinking." He paused a moment and then said, "I'm just not accustomed to having a girlfriend and I guess I don't know how to act sometimes."

She gave him a weak smile. "It's okay." She leaned over and kissed him sweetly, but not passionately. "If I am being completely honest, I was really nervous too." She took his hand in hers. "I was a little worried that things might get out of hand, you know?" She chuffed, "We ended sort of awkwardly and I'm disappointed it ended the way it did." She remained silent for a moment, realizing that she could not be mad at Clark. "You know, let's not judge the whole night out on how it ended," she said. "Tonight, I really did have a wonderful time. I loved just walking around spending time with you, Clark. It was really gratifying to me to see how the townspeople responded to you. I know I don't have to tell you about the rumors and suspicions about you that ran rampant here for a long time. It's nice that people are finally seeing the Clark Kent I see."

"And you," Clark intervened. "There were plenty of admirers complimenting you and what a lucky guy I am…which is true. How many people said what a beautiful couple we made? At least twenty of them. I got a kick out of the old couples, they can be so cute the way they say things," he concluded.

She smiled. "I guess you won them over on the football field! It's funny, isn't it; how people can change opinions they have held for years once they quit forming them based on what other people say? You do something they perceive as positive and suddenly you're seen in a whole new light and then all the things they thought they knew change. They take the time to talk or shake hands or just smile and say hello and they realize all those horrible things that they used to think were wrong." She paused. "That was what made tonight so special to me."

"That was nice for me, too. It's something that I've always wanted, to be accepted by others, I guess."

"Yeah, we all need that," she added, "I was happy to see it and see you enjoying it so much."

Clark reached up and stroked her cheek. "Having you there next to me is what made it perfect for me, Lana."

"That's sweet of you to say, Clark," Lana began. "But people wanted to be near you. They didn't come up to every couple, they came up to speak to us…or you, specifically."

"The football stuff, okay," Clark agreed. "But men in town have been patting me on the back for that since I started winning games last year. That was nice but tonight was different. Tonight was the first time in my life that I felt like I was a part of the community and that's because you were with me, you know what I mean? Tonight, I wasn't 'Clark Kent, quarterback for Smallville High'. Tonight it was us; I was just Clark Kent with my gorgeous girlfriend, Lana Lang, and it wasn't about football. It was about spending time with the rest of the Smallville community as a member of society. It was about us being just one of the scores of teenage couples in Smallville attending the celebration. That's why it was special to me."

Lana sighed. "So, the night was great for both of us. And, even though it had a bumpy landing, it's not like we could have done much more in the back of the truck at the fairgrounds while the rest of Smallville passed by on their way to their cars."

The imagery made Clark laugh. "Right, lugging their lawn chairs and blankets with them, complimenting me on my girlfriend as they passed by!" He laughed a bit more. "So tomorrow?"

"You mean today, right?"

He leaned forward and kissed her again. "Oh yeah, today," he replied. He got out of the truck and told her good night. He stood there and watched as the taillights of her truck disappeared out of sight as she turned out of the drive and started down the hill.

Almost instantly, the anxiety from the late-night event in the bed of the truck hit him. How would he tell Lana about his powers, his abilities, and his real origins? How would she react? The questions plagued him over and over for the last six months, but now time was short. He knew he had to think fast because they were on a collision course and she had to know the truth before they went past the point. Lana was already to make love to Clark and he was ready as well. She may have been nervous because she was a virgin, he was nervous because of that too, but that reason was secondary to the other reasons obvious only to him. He realized that there was no way he was going to get out of this without telling her or without seeming weird or some kind of freak.

Unpacking that question was like peeling an onion. For the reasons his dad brought up, none of them having to do with the government swooping in and taking him away, even if she was okay with him not being human, making love might be a huge mistake physically. From crushing her, to injuring her internally, to making her ill, to a pregnancy that could not be prevented, there was far more to the answer than whether or not she was fine with him being from another universe.

Then, the question of what happens if she was repelled or frightened by the knowledge that he was not human, born on another world. How would that impact my parents? What impact would it have on my future?

Every time Clark looked at the problem, new angles appeared. It was like looking in a kaleidoscope, he thought, a new facet to the problem appeared every time he looked at it another way.

Tonight had been close, and they were only halfway there at best.

The other issue causing him anxiety of course was his heat vision. How in the world did I lose control like that, he wondered? Could he ever control it? Of all the questions, the last one confounded him the most. He could deal with all the fallout of his secret being exposed. What he could not deal with was the thought of never sharing an intimate relationship with the woman he loved. It frightened him to think that he could be in the throes of passion and incinerate her, their home, an entire apartment building. The thing that flummoxed him is that he could summon his heat vision almost at a moment's notice. He could temper the amount of heat he radiated. He could stop it at will. But in the moments of passion, his heat vision arose spontaneously and viciously.

Clark wished he had answers. There were things about his physical makeup that no one in the world could understand unless there were others like him and there was no evidence of that anywhere. Or was there, he wondered? I haven't exposed my abilities, so if there was someone like me on the planet, they wouldn't know about me. Maybe they don't use or expose their abilities either. There may be a whole secret sect or society hidden somewhere who are just like me, but no one knows about them. It was something he had never thought about before, and it was an intriguing thought. But it did not bring him one step closer to solving his immediate problem with his burgeoning intimacy with Lana.

Clark went to bed but did not get much sleep. He lay in bed and mulled the matter over; the kaleidoscopic nature of the issue presented no clear avenue on which to proceed. Finally, he fell fast asleep, mentally exhausted. He woke and the sun was up, and he could smell ham roasting in the oven. He noticed the familiar rhythm of a kitchen utensil careening off the sides of a metal mixing bowl.

He plodded downstairs and into the kitchen. The smells grew stronger as he approached. He loved the smells that came from the kitchen when his mom was cooking a special meal and today was New Years.

"Well, look who's up!" she exclaimed and gave her son a hearty hug. "Happy New Year, Clark," she said and kissed him on the cheek. Clark returned the greeting. "Did you and Lana have a nice time last night?"

"It was wonderful, Mom," Clark began and recounted the great time that Lana and he had enjoyed, and how nice everyone was to him. He told his mom that it was the first time that he ever truly felt like a member of the Smallville community.

Martha quickly turned back to the stove, brushing a tear of joy from her eye as she did. "You need to eat a light breakfast because the Rosses are coming over for an early New Year's dinner with us."

"What about the Langs?" Clark asked.

"We invited them, but they had already accepted an invitation from their friends back in their old town." She turned and looked at Clark. "Don't worry, Son, we'll have them over soon," she said. "Your dad and I really like Henry and Nell a lot. They're really good people. It's no wonder Lana turned out to be so sweet."

"Lana didn't mention they were going out of town today," he replied and quickly added, "but that's okay. I'll have fun with Pete. There should be some good games on today."

Clark talked to Lana later that morning and confirmed that they were indeed going back to their old town to visit with close friends there. He told Lana that he had to help his dad all day on Friday, the 2nd of January, with a huge delivery of fertilizer that had to be stacked in the barn. Following that, Pete was joining him and his dad at the house and were going to be watching the bowl games scheduled for Saturday and NFL games Sunday. He invited Lana to join them but she declined. "It's okay. We'll just talk on the phone afterwards instead," she said.

School started on Monday and Lana came by to study with Clark and Pete in the loft, mostly. Sometimes it was too cold there, so they clustered around the dining room table at the Kent farmhouse spreading their papers and books everywhere.

The start of school and the end of the first term gave Clark and Lana plenty of things to focus on that diverted their attention away from the sexual tension that was building between them. They were very sweet and demure with one another in school when others were around and a bit more passionate and feral during short gaps when they found an empty corner somewhere out of sight. He loved kissing Lana and it had been everything he had imagined it would be and more.

With term ends out of the way and the next term beginning, there was feeling of finality in the air. They would be graduating a little more than four months away and the last term was usually the best for seniors. There was the trepidation of college and university acceptance letters being discussed but for Clark and Lana, those had not been an issue. Both had been offered scholarships to Met U, Clark on a football scholarship and Lana on an art scholarship.

At the end of the first week in February, Lana had come over to spend Saturday with Clark. The weather was predicted to be warmer than usual and dry over the weekend and his dad took the opportunity to get some roofing material for the farmhouse. He had been helping his dad all day beginning early in the morning and Lana came up just to watch, be close, and serve as Martha's helper getting beverages, meals, and snacks together for the two men as they worked. Clark and his dad worked all day to repair some soft spots in the roof that Jonathan was concerned may turn into a leak soon and some decayed facia boards that needed to be replaced and painted. Martha invited Lana to dinner, and she called her mom to tell her she was having supper with the Kents and was going to hang out with Clark afterwards.

Clark was exhausted and he wondered how his dad kept going after all that work. His dad was amazing, he thought. And in the same token, his mom was too. She had been on her feet most of the day preparing meals, cleaning, or doing chores to keep the farm running. Yet both chatted away during and after dinner while he and Lana retreated to the loft.

They hung out in the loft and listened to music and talked about what they hoped to do at Met U. Clark talked about the university's football team and Lana talked about some of the sororities on campus that she might consider joining. It began getting cooler with the sun completely down and Clark asked if Lana needed the space heater turned on. She cuddled up against him and said, "No, you're the only heater I need, just less space between us." Clark turned off the light at the end of the loveseat leaving only the string of lights that cast a dim, soft yellow hue. He grabbed a blanket for Lana and draped it over her anyway.

They began kissing, timidly at first, and then gradually more passionately. Clark pulled her in closer and higher up on him, then wrapped both of his arms around her. He wasn't fully reclined because the loveseat was too short for that, but Lana was stretched out partially on the loveseat and partially on Clark. She looked up at him. "You know I love you, right?" Lana asked, almost whispering.

Clark smiled. "Yes," he whispered back. "But I love you more," he said with a grin. She smiled and laid her head in the hollow of his shoulder, drinking in the warmth. Clark slowly and lightly stroked her back, feeling her lithe body against his and listening to her heart. He told himself that if he took it slow and easy rather than quick like on New Year's night, he could control the heat vision and so far, he was right. There was no sense of his heat vision developing spontaneously. He let Lana lay on him and lay quietly himself, enjoying the rhythmic beat of her heart and the faint scent of the perfume she had worn that day. He softly kissed the top of her head, slowed his breathing to match hers, closed his eyes and wished that they would be like this forever.

When Clark opened his eyes, it was 2:42 AM the following morning. At some point in the evening, Lana had crept out of the loft, but not before covering him with a blanket and switching on the space heater. The other blanket she kept wrapped around her as she walked home. He repositioned himself and lay on the loveseat, half asleep, half awake and thinking about the possibilities of a life with Lana.

He texted her the next morning to make sure she got home okay and to ask what time she left. Lana replied that she made it home just fine and left about ten minutes after he fell asleep which was just before 9 PM. She told him that she would bring the blanket back with her when she came but it would not be that day because her parents had planned for an event at their church that afternoon and she was obligated to help them with it. He texted her back and said he would see her at school the following day.

At lunch the next day, Lana met up with Clark in the cafeteria. He told her to keep her calendar clear for Saturday night because he had made arrangements for a special Valentine's Day with her. Throughout the week leading up to Valentine's Day on Saturday, whenever Pete was not with Clark, he spent his time practicing control over his heat vision. He planned a nice dinner with Lana at a French restaurant in the next town over and had reservations for 7 PM.

Clark took the truck and drove Lana to the restaurant. It was rural Kansas so the French restaurant was not exactly authentic, but the cuisine was unique enough to qualify for Kansan-French cuisine. They ate, Clark used some of the money he had saved over time from birthday and Christmas gifts to buy a simple gold heart-shaped pendant for Lana. The jewelry store wrapped it for him, and he picked out a Valentine's Day card from the drug store. He was excited to give her the necklace but decided that he would give it to her later that evening.

When they returned from dinner, they both instinctively went directly to the loft. This time Clark turned the space heater on to help with the warmth and had unscrewed several of the light bulbs on the string of lights so that there was just enough light to see the stairs up to the loft. He had his radio playing softly and they fell on the loveseat in each other's arms. Before they got involved further, Clark said, "Wait," and he pulled the small jewelry box from his jacket and handed it to Lana. "Happy Valentine's Day," he said, smiling impishly. "Open it!" he said.

"I thought we agreed we weren't spending money on gifts," she said as she carefully unwrapped the box. "I'm taking a wild guess here and saying you didn't wrap this, did you?" she chided him. She opened the box and lifted up the pendant. "It's beautiful, Clark!" she exclaimed. She admired it for a minute and then said, "Help me put it on." She turned around and lifted her hair, exposing the back of her neck and Clark fastened the chain around it, and leaned forward and kissed it.

"Done," he announced, and she let her hair fall and looked down to admire her necklace. "Thank you, Clark. This is so sweet, I love it!" She kissed him and pushed him back on the loveseat. She straddled him and held him down by his shoulders. "I have your present but you're going to have to wait for it," she said, softly. "I'm, um…still paying for it, if you know what I mean?" she said, embarrassed. "I thought I would have been through paying for it by today but no such luck," she lamented.

"Sure Lana," Clark said, clearly missing the reference. "You don't need to worry about it. We said no gifts and I didn't expect you to get me anything. As long as you're here with me, that's all I need."

All she could do was giggle at Clark's response, and he looked confused. "I love you, Clark Kent," she said leaning in and kissing him. He was not sure what Lana was giggling at but did not care. She said she loved him, and her love was the only gift he needed. "Someone has a birthday in two weeks," she whispered in his ear. "I'll just have to give you an especially good present then," she added.

The lead up to his birthday had been some of the best days of his life, he thought. He went into town after school a few times on his own, which he had done periodically in the past, but had only been acknowledged by men interested in football. Now, it was different. When he went into stores in town, ladies would smile and nod, stop and extend pleasantries, and if at a distance, might smile and wave hello to acknowledge they had seen him as they would do others. He felt different, more accepted, and more at ease around other people in town now. It almost seemed as though the town had secretly met and agreed to make up for the way they had treated him in the past. And because of it, he was becoming as invulnerable on the inside as he had become on the outside.

During the evenings, Lana would come over most of the time unless her mom had something for her to do. She did exceptionally well in school, so her parents had little to say about the amount of time she spent with Clark. They, in fact, were warming up to him as well. The Sunday before his birthday, they invited him over for dinner at their house. He felt at ease the entire time and thanked them for their hospitality at the end of the evening. Lana followed him outside to talk alone before Clark went home.

"Sorry, I don't have a loft for us," Lana said, grinning. After some rather obvious hints, she made it clear to him what his combination Valentine's Day and birthday present was going to be. She said it was a gift they would both enjoy. When the light came on for Clark, all he could do was laugh at himself, which endeared him even more to Lana. He gave her a passionate kiss on the front porch and told her how much he was looking forward to his birthday now. They said goodnight and she went inside as he walked back to his house. He was really excited about Lana's present, but the nagging issue of him telling her his secret came up. He thought that given how things had developed between them and the way he had been accepted by the rest of the town, including her parents, there was little to fear at this point.

Thursday evening, Nell called Martha to pass along some information Lana wanted Clark to know. She had to take Lana to the emergency room at the Smallville hospital around dinner time due to what appeared to be a urinary tract infection. She was in considerable pain, Nell confided. "I think that she was supposed to meet Clark this evening to study, but she won't be there. The doctor said that it would take about three days before the antibiotics worked so I'm not sure she'll even feel like coming over for his birthday," Nell added. "That's a pity because all she's been talking about is Clark's birthday!"

"You tell Lana that we're all praying for her a fast recovery," Martha replied. "I'll let Clark know. Thank you, Nell. I'm sure Clark was wondering where she was."

"Let Clark know that Henry and I also wish him a happy birthday, Martha." She hung up and Martha headed to the barn.

Clark was disappointed by the news his mom brought him, but it did give him a little more time to rehearse what he would say. It made him nervous. His entire life had been about keeping this truth hidden and he was going to expose it on purpose. He texted Lana on Friday when he got home from school. She had stayed home that day and his mom had told him that she probably not in the mood for company.

Hey, how r u feeling?

Snakebit. We can't catch a break. But mucho better than yesterday. Sry about ur birthday n ur present.

It's OK, he replied. Plenty of time for us. Just wanted see how ur doing. Anything I can bring u to feel better?

Her response took longer than he expected and was wondering what she might need. It came through, finally. How did I get so lucky to live next to the sweetest, most considerate and most handsome boyfriend in the world? TY but don't need anything but sleep. These drugs are knocking me out.

Then I'll go. Love u. Get well soon.

ILY 2. Bye

The weekend following his birthday was the weekend his dad wanted to till up the soil and prepare it for planting. That would take most of the weekend and in their conversations, they had decided that they wanted it to be perfect for the both of them so they agreed to wait until they had a quiet, uninterrupted Friday or Saturday night so they did not have to rush. So once again, they planned their first lovemaking session would be Friday or Saturday, exactly four weeks from Valentine's Day.

The same interruption that occurred on Valentine's Day had returned right on schedule and caused yet another cancellation and set back. Their disappointment was not so great because the weekend headed into Spring Break at Smallville High, meaning they had seven days with no school and no reason to end the evenings early. The ides of March marked the end of Lana's menstrual cycle and there were no roadblocks ahead. Clark could not imagine a more perfect moment for them than by sealing their perfect love in an act of giving themselves to the other person for their first time. It was the only gift that could be given but once in a lifetime, Clark once read, and as corny as it sounded, he felt deep inside that it was true. Other than sacrificing one's life for another, he could imagine no higher expression of love than giving one's virginity and purity to another, to your soulmate.

He spent time on Monday night, preparing the loft. He picked up a bit and put very low wattage bulbs in the string lights, loosening two of every three bulbs. Clark also brought an extra blanket and blew all the dust and hay debris from the timber floor. From the kitchen he brought some snack foods and soft drinks. He had dialed in a soft rock station on his radio. He was ready and so was the loft.

It was Tuesday night and it had been a long day for the Kent family and Lana came over in the late afternoon to sit with Martha while Jonathan and Clark were preparing to plant the fields in the upcoming week. Clark took a long, hot shower and dressed in a nice, button-down flannel shirt and black jeans to take Lana in town that night for pizza. He told his parents he would be back late and when he did come back, he looked to make sure they had gone to bed. From his truck he saw that they had, and he turned the truck directly toward the barn and parked.

Clark turned on the space heater and he detected Lana was nervous. He hoped it was anticipation that made her seem nervous and not second thoughts of losing her virginity to Clark. After all, he was going to be losing his to Lana and he felt if he told her that, it might make it easier for her. That was going to be how he opened the conversation that would eventually lead to his admission that he was not of this Earth.

She peeled off her lightweight jacket and had a light coral colored sweater beneath. She pulled off her winter boots but kept her heavy socks on. Clark did the same.

"Are you warm enough?" he asked as they sat on the loveseat. "I brought a few extra blankets if you are."

"I'm fine, Clark. Just come closer and I'll warm up against you," she said.

He pulled her close to him and they began to kiss. The kisses grew more passionate, and Clark could hear Lana's heart thudding like a sledge hammer. He felt himself becoming aroused and Lana appeared to be as well, pushing him back so she could lay across his supine, sprawling form. A moment later, she reached for a blanket from the coffee table in the dim amber light and draped it across her shoulders like a cape. She fell forward onto him and disappeared beneath the blanket. She began to wriggle and an instant later, she appeared and in her hand was the coral-colored sweater. She grinned, then grimaced, and put it on table. She was wearing a pale tan bra that was visible as she sat up and straddled Clark, unbuttoning his flannel shirt. He leaned forward and she pulled it off one shoulder, then the other, and laid it on top of her sweater.

Lana laid back down on Clark's shirtless body and could feel his warm flesh on hers and it sent a thrill of wanton pleasure through her. They were kissing again and Clark was running his hands down her back and sides like a blind man learning a new shape. Her skin was so soft, so supple. He smelled the remnants of her perfume, and it was intoxicating. He was becoming aroused but reminded himself that he could not make love to Lana without telling her. That thought kept him at a manageable level of sexual excitement. He was nervous and Lana seemed to be as well.

He kissed her deeply, running his hands through her hair and she rolled to her side, reached back and removed her bra. He felt her breasts against his chest and he became more aroused. They continued kissing and then Lana sat up, blanket falling away to expose her breasts to Clark. She shimmied down off his stomach and over his engorged member. She unbuckled his belt and unfastened the metal button and unzipped his fly. In a single move, she swung her right leg over his and slid to her feet, turning as she did. She slipped off her jeans and turned to stand in front of Clark, wearing only a small thong panty that was translucent in regular light but not so in the dim light of the loft.

He looked at her and hoped that he would never forget the sight. "Lana, you look like a goddess," Clark said, and she smiled. She started to move back on top of him and he said, "Wait." He arched, pulled his jeans from beneath him, sat up, pulled his jeans off, and lay back wearing only a pair of form-fitting cotton boxer briefs.

She looked at his body, the muscles chiseled into his upper body and the outline of the large member, straining at the seams of his briefs. "God, I've waited so long for this you don't even know," she said.

She lifted the blanket and straddled Clark again, this time coming to rest on the bulge that she planned to use. She laid down onto his chest, pulling the blanket up to her shoulders and began kissing him again. She began writhing beneath the blanket, grinding on his groin with her own. He reached down and cupped her bottom and pulled her hard into his crotch as she ground. She was breathing heavily, and he was as well.

You have to tell her. You have to tell her now, his mind told him but his body overruled. She broke off her kiss and began to squirm lower, and he could feel her searching and her intent seemed clear. He inched up higher on the arm of the loveseat as she moved lower on him, her head now laid over his heart. She rolled to her side, slipped her hand beneath the waistband of his boxers, and found what she had felt before. "Oh God,"she said breathlessly.

You have to stop now…stop! But the small, soft gentle hand on his steel-hard manhood was too much to deny. She gently felt it from top to bottom, lightly brushing it making him nearly spasm with ecstasy. She lifted the waistband and freed it to look at its beautiful magnificence and she breathed heavily and swallowed hard, and looked at him.

"I love you, Clark," she said. "I love you so much and I want this so badly that I'm literally aching inside for you right now. We've waited so long for this moment that I don't want to rush it. I want to take it slow because we have all night." She laid her head back down on his chest and continued to lightly stroke him. "I hope that's all right with you."

"And I don't want to rush either," Clark said, his breathing coming heavily. "Let's take it slow because I know it won't be easy for you at first," he said. "But I can be as gentle as you need me to be, and I will stop whenever you say to. I never want to hurt you, Lana," he said. In the light, he could not see the tears that had begun to form in her eyes.

She released her gentle grip on him and pulled herself up to his face. She swung her right leg back over him and kissed him. He could feel her wetness from between her legs on his stomach now and he pulled her into him more tightly.

"Clark," she said, almost whispering. "I'm nervous."

You need to stop and tell her right now. "Me too, Lana." He breathed heavily and exhaled, calming himself for the moment like he had practiced. "Since the first day we met, you've lived in my heart and I've dreamed about this moment." Tears welled over her lower lids and dripped down her cheeks and he could see the tears now. He brushed them away with his thumb. "I want this moment to last forever, but I want you to know something before we go on."

"I have to tell you something too, Clark," she interrupted. "I have to go first, okay, because if I don't, I'll never be able to say this again." She paused and he did not protest, so she continued. "I love you so much but I feel so ashamed," she said, new tears streaking down her face. "You have been so good, so patient, and loving…" her voice cracked and tears continued to flow. "I've done something terrible," she said and broke into a sob. He caressed her shoulders and felt her chest heave as she cried.

"Sssh, it's okay," he said, kissing her at the peak of her forehead. He wanted to kiss her lips, but she kept her head buried in the hollow of his shoulder, under his jaw.

"No, I need to tell you because it's not okay." She regained her composure. "You deserve to know, Clark." She took a deep breath. "I've been rehearsing this all week." She swallowed her tears down and exhaled. "Last summer when I was in that art program in New York, there was this guy that was also in the program. I was missing you so badly, Clark and he…he was such a nice guy that he reminded me of you." Clark stiffened, knowing what was coming next. She sensed his reaction, and she began crying again.

"You made love to him," Clark said solemnly.

"No," she managed and his heart jumped for a beat. "We had sex, Clark." Her voice cracked again as she tried to say the rest. "It meant nothing…it was just something that happened, and I didn't know how to tell…"

Lana went on explaining but Clark did not hear what she said. He felt as though a huge river stone was lodged in his throat and he could not swallow. His eyes became glassy and even in the dim light, Lana could see them, and it made the pain she felt grow exponentially. She kept trying to explain the meaninglessness of her sexual interlude, but the words had no effect because Clark could only hear the voice inside his head screaming in pain and in anger in a way he had never heard before. He felt a ripping feeling in the pit of his stomach as he imagined Lana with some other guy and although he was not sure what physical pain really felt like, this hurt in a way that he could never have imagined. He felt deflated, empty inside…betrayed. It all seemed surreal, like a bad dream that you cannot wake up from.

"Say something…please Clark," she begged him. She kissed his face but even her kisses felt foreign and alien to him. Tears continued to flow, and she wanted so badly to take it all back but there was no way that she could. "Please, say something Clark. Please believe me, it meant nothing."

He swallowed and took a breath. "It means something to me, Lana." He felt the pain and anger building and he just needed to be alone at this moment. "It's late. I should be getting you home." He sat up and effortlessly lifted her onto her feet. She was begging him to reconsider, to let her make it up to him, and that he did not need to do this. All he could see was the image of some random guy sweating and thrusting over top of her. He wanted to scream, to destroy something, and he felt like he needed to vomit. He took a deep breath and picked his jeans up off the floor and swiveled around and put them on. He grabbed his shirt and handed Lana her sweater without really seeing that she stood completely nude. He could not bring himself to look at her. "I'll wait for you in the truck," he said and walked down the stairs and out of the barn.

She quietly wept as they rode slowly down the hill to her house. He parked the truck in their drive but left the motor running. "We can fix this, can't we?" Lana asked, pleading. "I hate myself for hurting you, for doing this to us. But remember this," she said and her voiced cracked again, "If I didn't love you, I would never have had a reason to tell you the truth tonight." She sobbed softly. "That has to matter for something, right? I will do whatever you ask to make this right. Please forgive me, Clark. Please give me a chance. I'll spend the rest of my life making it up to you if you just give me; no, give us a chance. I love you."

He turned in his seat to face her. He leaned forward and took her hand in his hands. "I'm not trying to hurt you, Lana, but I could never imagine this happening because I believed we were truly together," he said calmly, quietly. A single tear rolled down the side of his cheek. Lana saw it and it crushed her heart. "I just need time to think." He would have said more but the lump in his throat returned. He turned back and got out of the truck and cleared his throat. He walked around and opened her door, helped her out and walked her to the front door. She tried to pull him into a kiss, but he turned his head at the last moment and it landed on his cheek.

"Good night, Lana," he said, turned, and walked back to his truck. She watched him wipe his eye with the sleeve of his flannel shirt before he got in the truck, and it made her break down in new tears.

Lana texted him for two days afterwards, but Clark did not know what to say to her and only answered the texts to say 'Hi' and 'I'm okay' and little more. He was not sure that he wanted to risk having his heart stomped on again. He sat on the loveseat that just two nights earlier had been the spot where he would make love to his soulmate and seal their bond forever. He opened the lid to his trunk and part-time coffee table. He rummaged around and found the letter Lana had sent him. He read it.

But if you do and I return to Smallville for school, please give me the chance to prove to you just how much you mean to me, Clark.

He folded the letter and put it back into the trunk. He moped around in the loft and wondered what he should do. Pete was gone for Spring break and he had no one to talk to. He went inside and heard his mom on the phone in the kitchen, so he walked upstairs and plopped down on his bed, staring at the ceiling. "Clark?" his mom called.

"Yes ma'am?" he answered.

"Can you come downstairs, please. I want to talk to you." He walked downstairs and into the kitchen where she had made a pot of coffee. He sat down at the table and she sat across from him. "Nell Lang just called." Clark looked down at his fingernails. "She says Lana has been crying almost nonstop since Wednesday but won't say anything to her about it. She's worried about her, and she wants to know if something happened between you two or if you did something to hurt her?"

"No, Mom, I could never do anything I even thought might hurt Lana."

"But you know why she's been crying, right?" He looked down and nodded. "Did you two have a fight and break up? Is that why she's been crying?" Martha asked.

"We didn't have a fight or break up exactly." He paused and took a breath. "It's just weird talking to my mom about girlfriend problems."

"So, there is a problem," Martha pushed on. "Can I ask what happened?" She smiled. "I used to be a girl, maybe I can help a little."

"It's Lana and something she did herself, not me." Clark paused. His mom said nothing and waited for him to continue. "It's like this, she did something last summer when she was in New York. When she told me, I felt like my heart was ripped right out of my chest, you know?" A lump formed in his throat and his voice cracked. "It…she broke my heart, Mom, and I don't know what I want to do." He paused until he regained his composure. "Part of me wants to forgive her but part of me is so angry and hurt that it must be what pain feels like." He struggled to talk. "I love her, but I know I'll never be able to look at her the same way again and that's what's killing me. I think she knows that it is and that's why she's crying, it's killing her too."

She reached out and took his hands. "Oh Clark, I'm so sorry," she began. "Heart ache is rotten. Butbroken hearts do heal in time. How you choose to heal is always a hard decision but it's yours alone." She paused. "Just remember, Son, people make mistakes and forgiving them will always help your heart to heal faster." She waited for a moment, her own heart breaking seeing Clark like this.

He was about 6 years old the last time Martha remembered seeing Clark this hurt and vulnerable. He had begun elementary school and at that time, he was hurt because he learned first-hand how mean-spirited and small-minded people in Smallville could be. They had told their children to stay away from him and because of horrible things rumored about him and his family. Back then, he could not understand why people hated him and it left him broken-hearted.

She suspected she knew what Lana had done and was angry with her. He did not deserve that. "Clark, this isn't your fault but there's a lesson to be learned and this can happen when you put people on pedestals. I'm afraid that's what you did with Lana. She's only human, Son," Martha said softly and gently, "and we all make mistakes that hurt the ones we love from time to time. That has to be expected." She paused to let that sink in, and then continued. "Now whatever she did that caused a problem for you two, I doubt she meant to hurt you because that doesn't sound like Lana. If it was unintentional, it should be easy to forgive but even if it wasn't, you still must find a way to forgive her, Clark. You need to decide what your relationship will be after this but no matter what, you must forgive her, or you will carry this burden to your grave and it's not your burden to bear."

She stood up and so did Clark. He turned to leave the kitchen but she stopped him and her tone changed. "One last thing, Sweetheart. I said that you need to forgive Lana because that will help you heal. But if you can't look at her the same way after this, then you need to redefine your relationship. Forgiving her doesn't change what happened, Clark, and if she did something that makes you question your trust in her, forgiving her won't change that. You can forgive the sinner without forgiving the sin. Don't ever let someone lead you to believe it does."

He moved to Martha and hugged her. "Thanks, Mom." He snuffed and cleared his throat. "If you want, just tell Mrs. Lang that something happened that broke my heart, and that I'm really changed by it and not sure what I want anymore. That's the God-honest truth. If she needs to know what, Lana will have to tell her."

She held her heartbroken son a little longer and tears formed in her eyes thinking of 6-year-old Clark and how 12 years later, others that he only wants to be with still find hateful ways to wound him without piercing his invulnerable skin.

When he had to return to school, he was not anxious to see Lana. He did not know what he would say and even thinking about it hurt him deep inside. The last text that she sent him was on early Sunday morning. The text said that she hates herself and didn't blame him for hating her.

In response, he retrieved the letter from the trunk, took a picture of the end of the letter that read:

"maybe the things I said seemed just more of the same thing that others have said for years. But if people knew the true you and knew what good people you and your parents are, they would feel the same way I've felt about you since I was about 11 years old. I think my heart beats because you exist, Clark, and I love you with all of it.

And I will understand if you don't feel the same way, especially after what I did. But if you do and I return to Smallville for school, please give me the chance to prove to you just how much you mean to me, Clark. I really do love you with all my heart."

Love Always,

Lana

His reply read, "Lana, I could never hate you. I've loved you for as long as I've known you and that will NEVER change. I only hate what you did, how it has completely broken me, and I'm scared thinking that will never change either."

To his relief, Lana was not in school so he did not have to face her. But he thought about her all day long even though he was apprehensive about seeing her. Before the school day was done, he had decided that they needed to work this out. Otherwise, it could be a miserable two months walking on eggshells around each other until school ended, and then it could carry on to their years at Met U. He texted her to meet him. They needed to figure out a way to move beyond what happened in the loft nearly a week ago and decide what would become of their relationship.

Clark was surprised at the speed with which Lana responded to his text. He had told her that he was concerned about her and wanted to know if she felt like talking in private. Within 20 seconds of him sending the message, she replied, "Yes. When and where? Please make it soon. ILY."

Coyote creek? 4 today? She replied even quicker this time. "I'll b there."

He dropped his books in the loft and headed for the creek where Lana had encountered the coyote. He asked himself if he had made too much of what Lana had done but he could not scrub the image of another guy straining on top of her. He asked himself he could ever love her the way he had loved her before and that was a question he had no answer for. He kept thinking back to all the letters and the promises of love they contained and he felt betrayed when he found that out. It would have been different had she been sexually active before they started dating. That would not have mattered to Clark. But that was not the case. What Lana did felt to him like betrayal and she had to know that. She also had to know that he loved her and the one thing he remembered her saying was the reason that made his feelings so challenged. When she said that she did not have to tell him and he would probably never have known but she told him because she loved him, it rang true to him. She had to know that it would hurt him to know but she left like he had the right to know. It was just like the secret he had needed to share that she had the right to know and in that respect, could she be trusted with his heart again or his secret?

He had nearly arrived about seven minutes early and saw Lana waiting for him. She did not see him but he could see her. She was fidgeting, nervous, and pacing by the large bur oak. Her heart was beating rapidly. She was talking to herself and while he could hear some things, she was not speaking clearly, just occasional words. She was tormented and it broke his heart to see her that way. Even though he was tormented himself by thoughts that had become images in his mind, this was not what he wanted. He continued on and moments later, they stood awkwardly five feet apart, staring at each other.

Her eyes welled up and she tried to force a smile when all she wanted to do was cry. He looked so beaten and defeated. She never seen him look like that and she knew she was the reason and it hurt her to the core.

Clark spread his arms and said, "Lana." She rushed to him and threw her arms around his neck and buried her face in his chest and cried a grievous, cathartic sob. His eyes welled up too but he held her tight and tried to comfort her with soothing words. He told her it would be all right, that they will get past this, and not to cry anymore about it. He told her that he forgave her. He told Lana that he thought he would never stop loving her. When she looked up at him, they kissed. It lacked the passion that they had in the loft, but it was a genuine show of love and affection.

The two talked for over an hour and a half. By the end, they decided that they would remain close and continue to date through the end of the school year and reassess their status during the summer before heading to college.

During that time, there were moments of passion but nothing close to what had happened in the loft that night and in the end, it was heart-wrenching for both Clark and Lana knowing that the love they had for one another would never be consummated. Most people did not notice that the passion had left between Clark and Lana. Many expected them to go on to Met U like they had talked about for nearly nine months.

After the graduation party, Lana asked Clark to take a walk with her. She shared a deep kiss and then thanked him for making the last two months easier for her, sparing her any embarrassment over their situation, and being a better friend to her than she had been to him, and far better than she deserved. She told him that she would always love him like no other man but had realized that there was no future for them together now and she had needed to prepare for her future on her own. "I've been accepted into the Art-Business program at SUNY on a full 2-year scholarship," she said. "I'll be moving on in three weeks, Clark, and you should move on too."

It was not the perfect ending that Clark had dreamed of for years. His vision of walking with her on his arm down the aisle after being wedded, the home they would move into, the life they would build together washed away like sand castles carried away by an incoming tide. It was a gentle ending but left him feeling alone, devoid of joy, and barren inside. He wondered if he would ever feel like loving someone again after Lana had left his life.

End of Part One