Chapter 4: Emptiness
Chloe
She doesn't know when or how she returned home. Right now Chloe lies in her bed, curled up, staring in empty space. The sheets under her head are drenched with tears. 'What have I done? All she wanted was to help me; to protect me. She loved me and all I did, was raging on her and put these fucking drugs above her.' She starts to sob again. Max's last words rang inside of her head all the time, driving her crazy.
"Chloe! Dinner is ready!" Joyce shouts from downstairs.
She ignores it. Her stomach stopped grumbling hours ago. She wasn't hungry, she has no appetite. All she wants is to die. She doesn't matter how.
"Chloe! Your food's getting cold!" her mom shouts again.
'Just leave me alone! All of you leave me the fuck alone! I don't deserve you!'
Footsteps are heard on the stairs, followed by a loud knock on Chloe's door. "Chloe, it's me. Stop fooling around and come downstairs, now!" chimes David Madsen's commanding voice behind the door.
"JUST LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE, YOU ASSHOLE! ALL OF YOU, LEAVE…ME…ALONE!" Chloe yells back.
The knocking intensifies, while David tries to open the door. "Chloe! Open this door, right now!"
Chloe gets up, grabs her jacket, unlocks the door, opens it, shoves her step-dad aside; ignoring his complains he shouts after her; rushes out of the house and leaves with her truck. Where to, she doesn't know and she doesn't care. All that matters is that she wants to be alone; alone with her feelings; alone with her grief; alone with her pain.
Max & Kate
The door opens and Kate enters Max's room. She sees her sitting on the floor, leaning against the couch. Holding her one hand in front of her mouth, she gasps as she sees her friend's bloody hands. The blonde girl kneels besides the still crying Max. "Oh my god! Max, what happened?"
The black-haired girl lifts her head and looks into the concerned hazel eyes of Kate Marsh. "I had…uhm…i-it doesn't matter. J-just got a little overexcited with my training." She tries to fake a smile, but her inner pain prevents her from doing so, sending even some more tears down her cheeks as she recalls the cause of her recent state.
Kate turns her head towards the door, which is still open. Nosy eyes of the other flatmates are peaking into the room, she even sees Victoria in the background and it looks like as if she's grinning. Dana answers Kate's look, nods and closes the door. The Christian girl now gives all her attention to Max, whose head now rests on her knees, hugging her legs. She takes one of the black-haired girl's hands and looks at it.
Max lifts her head again, looking at the blonde. She feels her soft fingers touching hers. 'Her hands are so soft and warm, like the hands of an angel.'
"Some cuts and bruises, but nothing seems broken. We need to take care of it. Let me get some bandages from the infirmary." Kate says and wants to get up, but is stopped as Max holds her hand.
"My closet; upper drawer." The muscular girl says.
Kate opens the drawer; it's packed with all kinds of medical equipment. 'Good golly! Is she just precautious or preparing for a war?' the small girl thought while choosing the right goods for the treatment, then returns to her patient. While she cleans the wounds, Kate tries to start a conversation. "So, wanna talk about what happened? I mean, if you want to."
Looking at her, Max sighs. "I met an old friend and thought that we could hit it off again, but as it turns out she's more interested in getting high than having a friend. It…uh…it kinda disappointed me and I lost my temper."
The blonde girl starts to put some bandages on her friend's hands. "That's it? Sounded to me more like, you wanted her to die."
Max sighs again. "Kate, there are things going on inside of me that I don't want to tell anyone. And this topic is one of them, sorry."
Kate just smiles back, reassuringly. "That's fine with me. I mean, we barely know each other and…"
The black-haired girl looks into Kate's eyes, resting one of her hands on her shoulder. "And I wish to change that!" she says, looking into the Christian girl's eyes, but she turns her head away, blushing. Max's gaze wanders to her bandaged hands. "Thanks Kate! These are pretty good!"
Kate shrugs. "I'm doing some social work in the hospital from time to time."
Both of them just finished getting up, as Max takes Kate and gives her a strong hug. "Thanks Katie! You're an angel!"
The Christian girl blushes some more, her voice is shaking as she answers. "N-no problem, M-Max."
"Our date is still a go, tonight?" Max asks with a smile as both part again.
"Y-yeah, of course! 7, right?"
"7 it is!"
Kate Marsh leaves her friend's room, deep-red blushed, while Max stays behind with a big and warm smile. 'Maybe she's the one who can mend my heart again, filling the emptiness inside of it. She's so sweet and caring. Maybe there are other girls besides Chloe. Maybe all these fantasies about me and Chloe were nothing more than fading dreams; remnants of the past. Maybe my wellbeing lies in the arms of another girl?'
Victoria
Lying on the small couch in her room, Victoria stares at the ceiling. She thinks about the Max, the first girl ever defying her. 'This damn bitch! How does she dare standing up against me? I'll destroy her! But how? How is it possible to destroy someone who gives a fuck about everything?' With these thoughts she takes a deep drag from her special vaporizer. 'At least this stuff is good, not like a real joint, but it does the trick of calming me down.'
Loud screams disturb her train of thought, suddenly. She rolls with her eyes, slightly pissed again. 'What the fuck is it now? Damn dorms! I wished my parents would've paid me an apartment in town; less fucking drama, more party!' The blonde stands up, walks to the door and opens it. The screams have stopped and as her gaze catches a crying and totally devastated Max in the room across the hall, she can't suppress an evil grin. 'So it is possible to harm her. Hmm…'
Dana closed the door to her enemy's room. "C'mon girls, show's over!" the cheerleader says and the crowd disperses. Victoria sees Courtney as she tries to leave for her room. "Courtney! Get your fat ass in here!" The pixie addresses one of her minions. She obeys and gets into the Queen-Bee's room. "What happened there?" she asks, after she closed the door.
The black-haired girl just shrugs. "I dunno. Just heard the screams and headed there. But it seemed like she was raging about some person."
Again, Victoria sinks into deep thought. 'Hmm, interesting! Maybe I can't hurt her directly, but I can do it by hurting other people; people she cares about.'
"Courtney!" her minion stiffens, awaiting orders. "I want you to tail this Caulfield-bitch. Find out who are her closest friends."
"B-but Vic…I've got a shitload of homework and stuff."
"I don't give a shit!" the blonde yells at her. "Do as I say!" Courtney just nods. "And by the way, if you ever fuck up my homework again, I'm gonna make your life hell. Now go!"
Her minion leaves the room and the pixie stays behind. She lets herself fall onto the couch again and takes another deep draft from her vaporizer and then grins mischievously. 'You shouldn't have fucked with me, Caulfield! I'll hurt you; make you bow before me! Nobody defies me!'
Chloe
The sun has already set and the first stars were visible on the fresh night sky as Chloe awakes on the bench by the lighthouse. She feels cold, but it doesn't matter to her. She doesn't even know how long she was passed out. Looking down at the ground the bluenette sees a pile of vomit and a lot of cigarette butts.
Holding her head with both hands she sits up with a groan. She remembers sitting on this bench, smoking almost three packs of cigs in a row, hoping it would ease the pain like weed, put it only made her throat sore, which caused her to cough until she threw up the sandwich she bought in town.
She knows why she'd come here; what she wanted to do, but finally couldn't. 'You're such a coward, Price! You tried it several times, but always chickened out. Why? What is so precious about your fucking life that you want to keep it?' A sob escapes her mouth, she wants to cry, but her eyes are staying dry; there are no more tears left to shed. 'You know the reason; you know what kept you going all those years and what still keeps you here.'
Chloe takes out her phone and looks at the display for a while. 'C'mon, asshole, text her and apologize for being such a fucking jerk! But what if she doesn't want anything to do with me anymore? What if she never wants to see me again? Well, then you'll be sure that you completely fucked up and have no reason to stay around anymore.' She unlocks the phone and starts typing.
Max
Dressed in black jeans, a black band-shirt and her sneakers, Max stands in front of Kate's room. She spent the rest of this day looking forward to this moment; to this tea-session with her new friend; her only bright spot at the moment. With her bandaged hands it was nearly impossible to knock, but before she could even think about using her foot, the door opens and a smiling Kate welcomes her.
'Damn, she's so sweet!' Max thought as she stared at her friend, whose smile slowly faded and was replaced by a worried expression. "Max, are you okay?" the small blonde asks.
'Shit! Stop staring, jackass! You're almost as impossible as Chloe...Chloe!' Max's heart sank as she thought about her blue-haired ex-friend. 'No, this evening is not about her, it's about Kate. And I…I…fuck…'
"Max?" Kate's expression becomes even more worried as she sees a tear running down her friend's cheek.
The black-haired girl finally manages to speak. "Y-yeah, I'm fine. It's just…" Her words are interrupted by a sob.
Instantly the small blonde hugs Max and speaks to her in a clam voice. "It's okay, Max! It's hard to lose a friend, so let those tears flow; I'm here to wipe them away."
Pressing herself closer to Kate, Max enjoys her warm and comforting proximity. "Thanks Kate!" she whispers in her ear. They both part and Max wipes the remaining tears with the back of her hand away. "Sorry about dampening the mood."
"You haven't. Come on in!" the blonde girl says, smiling warmly.
Max enters the room and is completely surprised that it is only enlightened by candles, creating a warm and cozy atmosphere. "Wowser!" is the only way how she could describe it.
"You brought the tea?" Kate asks while she was starting the water heater.
It took the black-haired girl a while to react. "Y-yeah, here!" She gives the small blonde a big wooden box.
Kate opens it and her eyes grow wide upon the sheer mass of different teas. "Wow! That's a lot of tea! I can't even read half of the inscriptions."
"Don't worry; I'll help you with the translation." Max shrugs, while looking around in Kate's room. She stops at a big cage. "Hey, you got a little bunny?"
"Yeah, her name is Alice. You can pet her, if you want! So, you know Chinese?"
Petting the bunny, the black-haired girl shrugs. "Yeah! It's not hard to speak, but the script is a pain in the butt! Anyway, I bought most of these teas in China and Japan, so you won't find most of them here in the U.S. At least, not in every average tea-shop."
"You were actually in China and Japan?" Kate asks with awe in her voice, while she browses through the different smelling bags with dried, aromatized or smoked tea-leaves. She chooses a green tea from China.
Max sits down on the chair at Kate's desk. "Yep, home was messed up, so I used every possibility to bail and I love Asia, especially China and Japan. But I also travelled to Korea, India and Thailand."
As the water starts to boil, Kate looks at her with wide and slight shocked eyes. "You travelled there all by yourself?! How did you finance all these trips?"
Again, Max just shrugged as if it was nothing unusual. "Yep, all alone. I had no friends back in Seattle, my dad was too occupied with work and my bitch of a mother, who…well, let's just say, we don't get along very good. But at least my dad supported my passion and financed the trips. He knew that I could take care of myself and he was happier seeing me at the other end of the world than at home, between the fronts."
Kate startles. "Oh my god! I-I'm sorry to hear that…I-I didn't know that your family-situation was so bad."
"Fucked up would be a better description, but yeah. No worries, I'm all over it by now. Hey, are these yours?" Max changes the topic as she holds up some of Kate's drawings.
The small Christian girl blushes a bit and nods. "Yeah, it's a huge hobby of mine. One day, I want to become an illustrator for children's books."
"Suits you!" Max smiles. "They're really good. Especially the change of style."
Before her friend could even ask more question about her style and therefor her feelings, Kate changes the topic again. "Uhm, what tea do you want?"
"Oh yeah, right." Max reaches in her pocket and gets out a small cotton bag and throws it to Kate. "Here, this one. It's a yellow tea, very rare and the only tea that helps me to cope days like this one." And while Kate is busy with the tea, a violin case catches Max's attention. "Wowser! You're the one who plays the violin early in the morning?"
"Yeah. Why?"
"It always sounds so wonderful. Sometimes I wake up to the sound of it and feel instantly relaxed, and if I'm already awake, I do my exercises to the rhythm of your music. Sometimes I can even hear what song you're playing, but I never figured out who played it."
Kate places the tea cups with the hot tea on the table in front of her small couch and sits down. "I-I'm not that good. It's just some practice and it doesn't sound that great…"
Max joins her, taking the violin case and gives it to her friend. "Stop second guessing yourself! You are good! C'mon, play something for me!"
"I-I don't know…"
Max brushes her cheek and smiles at her, warmly. "Please, for me!"
Kate blushes as her heart skips a beat, because of Max's sudden touch. "Okay." She takes out the violin and prepares herself, while Max sips on her tea in anticipation. With a deep breath the blonde girl starts to play the song Lost in Paradise by Evanescence. Max closes her eyes and lets the melody flood through her body and starts to sing the text. It is one of her favorite songs and she knows it by heart.
As the last sound fades, both girls look at each other, like the music bonded them. Max leans forward still looking into the hazel eyes of Kate, whose breathing becomes heavier every second. Time flows slowly as their faces come closer to each other.
Suddenly Max's phone chimes. 'Shit!' She reaches in her pocket and wants to turn it off as she gets a glimpse of the display, showing Chloe's ID. Her heart sinks again; pain rushes through her chest. 'No! Please, not now!' Panic, pain and anger are taking over. She stands up, focusing on not starting to rage. "S-sorry, Kate. I-I have to…I…" With big steps she leaves Kate's room, heading towards hers, opens the door and closes it again, before Kate could even follow her.
As soon as she is alone, she collapses onto her bed and starts to cry. 'Why don't you just leave me alone? I'm done with you! Please, let me be! It hurts! It hurts so much! Just seeing your name feels like a thousand needles in my heart. NO! Calm down, Max! You ARE done with her! Just focus. Meditate!' Her breathing calms down; she stops crying. 'Inner peace!'
She gets up, leaving a wet spot on her sheets, and sits down on her couch. She unlocks her phone and reads the message.
Chloe: Max, I'm sorry. I know I hurt you pretty bad and I want to apologize. I'm such a fucked up character and I need you! Please, let us be friends again. I'll even stop taking this shit and work on my issues, but please, give me another chance!
Max reads the text emotionless; over and over again. She doesn't know what to do or what to answer. For her, Chloe Price died today. 'But why does it still hurt so much? Why can't I just ignore it? Why do I have these mixed feelings? On the one hand I want her to be dead; on the other hand I want to forgive her. This is all so fucked up!'
She hits the answer button and starts to type.
Max: Drop dead and go to hell!
Her finger hovers above the send-button. But she deletes the message and starts all over.
Max: I forgive you, just don't do it again.
Again, she deletes the message and throws her phone onto her bed.
It knocks on the door and Kate enters her room. "Sorry to bother you, but you left your tea-box. I'll put it on your nightstand and…"
"Kate? Please stay!" Max says with a quiet voice.
The Christian girl nods, closes the door and sits down beside her friend.
"Do you like who I am?" the black-haired girl asks out of a sudden.
Kate looks down at her hands and nods. "Y-yes, I think you're a wonderful person and friend, with a beautiful voice and good taste in music." She says and looks at Max, smiling shyly.
Max smiles back. "Thank you! And you are the nicest person and best violin player on this whole planet." she whispers with a shivering voice. Both are hugging each other again. "Please Kate, stay here tonight! I-I don't wanna be alone right now."
Both separate and Kate nods. "Okay." Max lies her head on Kate's shoulder and closes her eyes, some tears are flowing down onto the blonde girl's blazer and after some time, Max's breathing becomes steady. "Sleep now, poor fallen angel. Let sleep take away all your bad memories, replacing them with beautiful dreams!" She whispers and gives her friend a kiss on her head. "Oh Lord, please watch over her, she's so fragile and in pain. Please, help her getting rid of those demons inside of her!"
Seattle, September 2008
"Well, this is it, your new school. Already excided?" Vanessa Caulfield asks her daughter with a slight smile.
The brown-haired, 13-years-old girl in the passenger's seat of the car just shrugs; head down, looking onto her lap.
"C'mon, Maxine. We talked about this. This will only be for some years and when you're old enough, you can go to another school, even back to Arcadia Bay." The brown-haired woman says with a comforting voice, touching her daughter's shoulder.
Max withdraws her shoulder and glances at her mom with an angry expression. "I don't want to go to this school. I don't want to live in this stupid city. I want to go back; I want to go back to Arcadia Bay, right now. Not in a few years; NOW!" she demands.
Sighing, Vanessa Caulfield shakes her head. "Maxine…"
"And it's just Max. Max! Never Maxine!" the girl adds in a furious voice.
"No! Your name is Maxine and I will always use it, because I choose it for you!" she counters. Another sigh escapes her mouth. "Why are you making such a big thing out of it? This school has a very good reputation and even a photography program. You always dreamt about this, so…"
"Fuck this school!" Max interrupts her mom, crossing her arms and looking out of the window.
Vanessa's face turns red as anger rises inside of her. She grabs Max on her shoulders and turns her around to watch into her blue eyes. "Now you listen, missy! I don't want to hear such words coming out of your mouth ever again, are we clear?" she says, her voice getting louder. Her daughter stays silent. "Maybe it was a good idea to separate you from Chloe, this girl…"
Max's lips begin to shiver and her eyes are getting wet as she hears the name of her best friend. "Don't you dare, talking ill of her!"
A short moment of silence hovers over mother and daughter. Vanessa tries to calm down. "Maxine, you know that I and your dad just want the best for you and we're sorry that you had to leave your friend behind."
"She was more than just my friend."
"Fine, best friend."
A tear runs down Max's cheek as she shakes her head. "Even more than a best friend."
"Stop this right now, Maxine!" her mom yells. "You never had any of these feelings for her. They're just illusions, which you made up, because you want to go back to Arcadia Bay. Now get a grip of yourself and get out of this car right now!"
"Fuck you!" Before both of them even realize what happens, a loud slap sounds through the car. Max, now holding her left, reddening cheek, looks at her mother, eyes widen in shock filling up with more tears. "I hate you!" she whispers with a trembling voice; unbuckles her seatbelt and opens the door.
"Maxine, wait…" But before her mom even could speak another word, she gets out of the car and slams the passenger's door shut.
The young girl enters her new school and heads straight for the girl's room; occupies the first empty stall and starts to cry, embracing her jerking body. 'First Chloe, now my mom. Everybody hates me; everybody hates who I am…what I am.' After a while, she dries her tears and blows her nose with some toilet paper, leaves the stall and splashes some cold water into her face.
Her first lesson this day is chemistry. As she enters the class room, she seats herself in the last row, ignoring any other students. Deep in thoughts she looks out of the window, watching the nature outside, trying to calm down. 'Sometimes I wish to be a bird; then I would fly away, free and without any boundaries.'
The loud thud of a bag thrown on the table startles her. She looks at it and then raises her gaze until she looks into the gray eyes of a blonde girl. This girl has long, golden-blonde hair, bound into a ponytail, a small nose with some freckles on it and a smile that would melt away whole pole caps. She wears a black jeans and a red flannel shirt over a black tank top.
"Sorry!" She says with a sweet voice. "Mind if I sit down?"
Max just shakes her head, eyes fixed on some point on the desk in front of her. 'Damn, can't I just be alone for a moment? Although, she seems nice, I don't want to talk to her.'
"Okaaay, silence it is." She mocks, but nevertheless takes a seat.
The bell rings and a slender teacher in cord trousers, a wool sweater and big glasses, enters the room and starts the lesson. "I welcome all of you back to another semester full of interesting facts of chemistry." 'Interesting facts of chemistry, really? Am I in elementary school again?' Max thought, rolling with her eyes. "For all of you, who are new, my name is Mr. Anderson, your chemistry teacher. And for the next lessons we're going to talk about acids. Well, let's get started…"
"Pfft, a lesson about acids, this is gonna be acid for sure." chimes the blonde girl's voice beside Max.
The brown-haired girl can't suppress a slight smile, because of the pun.
"Is this a smile I'm seeing there?" Max gazes at the girl and nods. "Wow, I see the ice breaking. So, you're new here, right?" Again, she nods. "Hi, I'm Samantha Brighton, but you can call me Sam."
Sam offers her hand and Max shakes it with a slight hesitation. "M-Maxine Caulfield, but it's just Max, never Maxine."
"Okay, Just-Max-Never-Maxine, welcome to our humble school of acid lessons and giant assholes!" the blonde says with a fake pompous voice and an implied bow.
'She kinda reminds me of Chloe, but although I'm thinking of her right now, I don't feel this emptiness inside of me. Strange...' the young Max thinks and answers with an also implied bow. "I'm honored and can't wait to meet all these tremendous giant assholes. Or have I already made the acquaintance with one of them?" she mocks with a wink.
Sam breaks out in loud laughter and slaps her hand on the table, making half of the class turn around, looking at her. Mr. Anderson clears his throat. "Miss Brighton, I thought we already had this conversation last semester? If you disturb this class once more, I'll send you to the Principal's office!"
"Sorry, Mr. A, won't happen again!" After the lesson continues, she turns towards Max and whispers "This is asshole number one!"
Max smiles again and looks into Sam's grey eyes, deeply. Both knew instantly that they're gonna hit it off!