Confessions
"Stick out your tongue", Monica demanded looking at an obviously drunk Chandler.
"Take off your shirt", he talked back, seemingly still having his sense of humour despite the amount of alcohol currently in his body.
After a death stare from Monica, he slowly stuck out his green tongue. "Oh my!", Monica exclaimed.
"Oh my God! How many of these things did you have? These are pure vodka", Joey asked.
"Yeah, Jell-o just like Mom used to make", Chandler looked longingly at yet another cup of Jell-O.
Joey shook his head, but walked off when he saw a cute girl on the other side of the room.
"I think you should maybe stop drinking alcohol for tonight", Monica suggested.
"Why?", he asked.
"Why? Chandler, you're already drunk. It's not good for you to continue drinking like this. You'll get sick", she said.
"Alright, Mon, there is something we need to get straight. These things", he said, gesturing to the little cups, "Are what makes me happy to be at this party right now. Otherwise, I would be sulking in my room replaying this morning where I bumped into Janice over and over in my head."
"This is about Janice? I thought you were more or less over her. I mean, I know that wasn't a great moment this morning, but, I don't know."
"It's not that I'm still in love with her or anything, but that doesn't change the fact that she broke my heart. And these green potions, they are like medicine. They make me feel dull. It makes the pain in my chest disappear. And while I know that alcohol is not at all a good solution to any problems, it's nice to be able to walk around this party without having the feeling that someone is grabbing my heart and squeezing it together with their fist every time I see a happy couple or see people kiss."
"I-", Monica didn't know what to say. He had a pretty good point actually. "Well, in that case", she took two cups from the plate and handed Chandler one, "Cheers to that", they clinked their paper cups and threw back the alcohol. Monica winced slightly from the burn in her throat.
It was at that exact moment that Monica's eyes fell on Rachel and Ellie at the front door. Ellie had just arrived and, after having kissed, they wrapped their arms around each other. Huh, Chandler made a pretty good metaphor for this crushing feeling in my chest. She ripped her eyes off the couple. "I'm in. Let's get drunk. Or drunker", she said to Chandler.
"Why do you want to get drunk? You didn't have a break-up recently, no?", he asked.
"Exactly. Which also means, I haven't had a relationship in way too long and I'm beginning to lose hope."
"Well, in that case", he mirrored Monica's words from before while picking up two other cups, "Cheers to that", he smiled and they both drank their shot. It still burned a bit in Monica's throat, but in another few rounds, it would be like water.
Once the people who were more acquaintances of Joey started to leave the party, it was getting more noticeable every time they went to get another drink. It didn't take long for Rachel to notice anyway. Chandler and Monica took their place back in the Barcalounger and they lifted their glasses up for their toast they had been doing before every drink. Except now, Monica's hand came down empty. Her drunken brain took a while to understand what had just happened. At the noise of Rachel coming around the Barcalounger, she looked up. "Hey, give me my drink back", she tried to grab it, but Rachel's mostly sober mind was much faster than Monica's.
"No way. I ain't gonna let you get as drunk as last time", Rachel shook her head.
"Come on, please?", she tried to beg with her best puppy eyes and she saw Rachel having trouble resisting, but Rachel didn't give her drink back. Realising that this wasn't going to be the solution, she let herself fall against Chandler and sighed with closed eyes. "Fine."
"Chandler, don't let her drink anymore", Rachel said with a stern tone.
"Okeydokey", Chandler joked and then laughed ridiculously loud at this lame line.
Monica cracked open one eye when she heard Rachel walking away. Sitting up slowly, she scanned the room and when she didn't see Rachel in close proximity, she quickly got up and sneaked to the table with all the drinks. She looked at the drinks to decide what she wanted to have next. Just as she had poured her chosen drink into a cup and wanted to turn to go back to Chandler, the cup got taken away from her hand yet again. She turned around slowly and came eye to eye with Rachel. "Okay, this is not a fun game", she said.
"This isn't a game Mon. How many drinks have you had already anyway?", she asked.
"A hundred!", Chandler shouted from the Barcalounger, having seen and heard their entire conversation. Monica snickered while Rachel rolled her eyes.
"So?", she asked Monica again.
"I don't know", she shrugged, "Some?"
Giving up on having a sensible conversation with Monica, she turned to the sink to pour the drink in the sink. She looked back just in time to catch Monica pouring yet another drink. She rushed back and got to the cup three seconds before the contents would have been poured into Monica's mouth. Not wanting to give up, Monica immediately filled another cup, but Rachel just took it away again. Monica tried one more time, but then concluded that Rachel was only going to be annoying about this. She gave Rachel a seething look and she stomped off to the Barcalounger.
"Monica?"
Monica looked up at the strange voice next to her.
"Yes?"
"I wanted to take out the trash so that the place wouldn't be full of trash tomorrow morning, but I don't know where I need to take it. Joey said that I needed to ask you", she shrugged.
"Oh, okay", Monica sat up a bit straighter, "And who are you?"
"Oh, sorry, I'm Tina. I'm one of Joey's sisters", she smiled shyly.
"Alright, Tina", Monica got up and smiled at her, "Let's go to the trash chute."
Monica led the way, but Tina was closely behind her. "This is the garbage room", Monica said while opening the door. She walked straight to the chute and opened it for Tina. "You can put the bag here", she said to Tina who was still holding the bag.
Tina followed Monica's instructions and put the bag in the opening for the chute, but the bag got stuck. She tried to push on it a little, but she didn't want to break the chute or anything, so she didn't put too much pressure. Monica however, immediately pushed as hard as she could and the bag shot through the chute. Both falling forward from having pushed the bag that was now gone, Monica suddenly realized she was standing really close to Tina. She looked to her side and noticed that Tina was staring up at her.
"You know, it's probably the alcohol, but I think you're a very beautiful woman", Tina breathed.
Monica blushed. It wasn't often that pretty girls said things like this to her. Looking at Tina with different eyes now, she studied her face. She had soft features and big eyes, looking slightly up at her because of their minimal height difference. Her lips were popping red and her hair was carefully put into place.
"And I think you are a very gorgeous woman too", Monica said, biting her lip a little bit.
Her drunk mind didn't register the distance between their faces getting smaller and suddenly Tina's lips were pressed on hers. After the initial surprise, Monica closed her eyes and reciprocated the kiss. They made out and their hands started to wander a little, but a man that supposedly lived in the building, opened up the creaking door. They jumped apart and Monica immediately went in the direction of the door. The man didn't seem to have seen anything. Or at least, he was not letting on that he had anyway. Monica walked to the foot of the stairs and Tina quickly rushed to be by her side.
"Maybe, it would be good not to mention this to Joey?", Monica asked, starting to ascend the stairs with Tina by her side.
"Oh, don't worry. I won't say anything to him about this. Neither will I to my boyfriend, by the way", she quickly added.
Monica's eyes felt like they were popping out of their sockets. "Yo- your boyfriend?", she asked, trying to sound casual.
"Yeah, he's upstairs", she said, not seeing any problem in any of this.
"Oh, good", Monica said sarcastically, but she still got a smile from Tina.
When they got back upstairs, Monica saw Tina going to her boyfriend and kissing him. Minutes earlier, these same lips were making out with hers. It made her sick just to think about it.
From the Barcalounger, Chandler saw Monica just standing there. Unmoving. A stark contrast to the people partying around her. He went up to her and put a hand on her shoulder. "Hey, you okay?"
Monica jumped a little at the sudden contact on her shoulder, "Yeah", she shook her head, "On second thought, no."
"Do you want to talk about it? We can go in my room to have a bit less noise if you want to?"
Monica contemplated this offer. Agreeing with it, she followed him to his room. She didn't close to door before taking a quick scan if anyone saw them, however. Everyone was busy with their own business, so no one was paying attention to them. She quietly closed the door.
Chandler was already sitting cross-legged on his bed waiting for Monica to take place. Instead of sitting down, though, Monica walked back and forth in the small room.
"My love life is a joke. A big, fat joke", Monica's hands were clenching and unclenching. The only, current sound, is the murmur of people and the dull bass of the music.
"It's not a joke. You just haven't found the one yet. And while you search, there will be moments when you want to give up on the idea altogether", Chandler's thoughts were amazingly clear for the amount of alcohol coursing through his body.
"Yeah, well", Monica huffed, "Then how come I've found someone who I thought was the one and then it turns out I can't even have kids with them?", Monica looked slightly at Chandler, but continued pacing.
"You mean Richard?", he asked.
"No, I mean, yeah, also a bit, but I don't think he was the one. He was my rebound from the one that I used to think, and sometimes still think, is the one."
"Who?", Chandler asked, racking his brain, but not coming up with anyone that fitted the vague description.
"I can't say. I promised her I wouldn't tell", Monica looked out the window.
"Her?", Chandler's eyes widened slightly. After all these years, he had never known this about her.
"What?", Monica had been distracted by a pedestrian kicking against a can.
"Mon, do you like women?", he asked with a soft voice.
Monica turned around, her mind replaying the sentences that she had said trying to find where she had revealed this information. "Yeah, I like women and men. I'm bisexual", she decided to tell him, "But I'm only telling you this because you're so drunk you're probably not going to remember this conversation tomorrow morning."
"I- I didn't know", Chandler said.
"I never let you know. But anyway, to top it off, Tina kissed me while we were taking out the trash and decided to wait until after we had made out to tell me that she actually had a boyfriend. I felt like we should have put me down the chute instead of the actual trash", Monica sighed and let herself fall on the bed. First sitting, and after laying flat on her back looking up at the ceiling.
"You are not trash, Mon", Chandler was trying to process all this information while also trying to make her feel better, "On the contrary. If there was someone that deserved going through the chute, it was Tina."
"Thanks, Chandler", Monica tilted her head a bit to look up at him and smiled slightly.
"And, I'm sure that the right man or woman will come along for you", he said with a lopsided smile.
"Most probably man, since it's illegal to have children when you are a same-sex couple. The only way would be to get pregnant through IVF, but then the child can have only one legal parent, because there can't be two women legal parents. And, moreover, this IVF thing costs between ten and fifteen thousand euros, which, unfortunately, I don't have to spare. Oh, right, and we would also not be able to get married. Not officially anyway. We could have a ceremony, but we would never be recognized by the state as a married couple", she sighed.
"Oh", Chandler didn't know what to say. He had never really thought about all of this.
"Yeah. But anyway, I'm bi, so I can just choose to get together with a man instead of a woman, you know?", she said, trying to sound unaffected by what she had just shared with him.
"I guess? I never really thought about stuff like this. It must make everything even more complicated than it already is. I'm sorry", Chandler said.
"It's great, isn't it?", Monica said laughing, but the laughing quickly changed to a sob.
"Oh, Mon", Chandler hugged her, "Do you want to lay here for a bit? Just until you feel like you're ready to go back to the party?"
"Yeah, thanks Chandler. You're a great friend", she shuffled up towards the bed cushions and lay on her side. She closed her eyes to keep the tears from falling. Chandler lay next to her and rubbed her shoulder and arm gently.
Their drunk bodies had worn them out, though, and before they could do something about it, they were both fast asleep.
"Are you still fully dressed?", Chandler asked, not trusting his brain to recall everything precisely, knowing how drunk he had been last night.
"Yes, you?", Monica asked.
"Yes. Thanks god. At least we didn't do anything stupid", Chandler said relieved.
"Well, apart from drinking so much", Monica said, rubbing her head. She was annoyed with Rachel the night before when she kept taking her drinks away, but now, she was very thankful.
Phoebe entered hurriedly Central Perk. "Hey, you guys! Look what I found! Look at this!", she handed Chandler a picture, "That's my Mom's writing! Look."
"Me and Frank and Phoebe, Graduation 1965", Chandler read out loud from the back of the picture.
"You know what that means?", Phoebe asked excitedly.
"That you're actually 50?", Joey asked, not getting the point.
"No-no, that's not me Phoebe, that's her pal Phoebe. According to her high school yearbook, they were like B.F.F.", upon the strange looks, she elaborated, "Best Friends Forever."
"That is so cool", Rachel said.
"I know! So this woman probably could like have all kinds of stories about my parents, and she might even know like where my Dad is. So I looked her up, and she lives out by the beach. So maybe this weekend we could go to the beach?"
"Yeah! Yeah, we can!", they all agreed.
"Shoot! I can't go, I have to work!", Ellie said, sitting next to Rachel.
"That's too bad", Rachel said, squeezing her tight with the hand that was resting on it.
"So great! Okay! Tomorrow we're gonna drive out to Montauk", Phoebe said excitedly.
"Hey, you know what a really good rainy day game is?", Joey asked. They were all sitting in the beach house, bored because it was raining.
"What?", Monica asked, Rachel's feet propped up on her lap while she was painting Rachel's toenails.
"I mean naked game. Strip poker, we should totally play strip poker", Joey said excitedly.
"No, no!", no one else seemed to find his 'brilliant' idea as good as he thought it was.
"What are you crazy?", Monica said, looking up a bit to shoot a look at Joey.
"Come on! When you go away, you-you have to play, it's like a law!", he tried to convince them.
Rachel just ignored his last comment. Having the same opinion about his proposition as Monica. Who was currently painting her nails. While all of Monica's attention was focused on Rachel's nails, Rachel permitted herself to look at Monica in the way she rarely permitted herself to. Even less since she was together with Ellie. But right now, she let her mind go.
She watched with a small smile on her lips how Monica's eyes squinted together when she had to be careful at the sides of her nails. She could be adorable so often without realizing it. Rachel thought. Her thoughts wandered back to the night that Monica, completely drunk, had called her. Every now and then she asked herself if she had made the right choice. It would have been so easy to agree with her proposition. But she had resisted. Even though her heart was screaming at her to grab this teeny tiny possibility of getting her back, her mind had saved her heart just in time. It would only have been complicated and they would have ended up right back at the point where they broke up once already. She was afraid that her heart wouldn't be able to get through a second time.
"All done!", Monica said breaking through Rachel's thoughts. She had finished Rachel's last toenail.
"Thank you, Mon", Rachel said while admiring Monica's work. When she looked back up, she caught Monica's look just in time before she turned her head trying to hide it.
"Strip Happy Days Game?", Monica asked when Joey put the game on the table. Once Phoebe had come back, she had turned to choose who would choose a game to play since they were all bored out of their minds. Her finger stopped pointing at Chandler, who had unfortunately chosen to play strip poker.
"Yeah, well, I couldn't find any cards, so it was either this or Strip Bag Of Old Knitting Stuff", Joey explained.
"Okay", Ross had already taken his first card and read it out loud, "Fonzy gives you two thumbs up, collect two cool points. Yeah."
"Monica, if you get five cool points, you get to make somebody take off one item of clothing. It hasn't happened yet, but we're all very excited", Phoebe said to Monica.
"Okay, come on! Daddy needs a new pair of electromagnetic microscopes for the Prehistoric Forensics Department!", they all looked at him, which made him shut up and roll the dice, "Okay", he took another card and read it again, "Take Pinky Tuscadero up to Inspiration Point, collect three cool points! Yeah! Which gives me five, and let's see who is gonna lose their clothes. Ummmm, I think I pick our strip poker sponsor Mr. Joey Tribianni", Ross looked at Joey who didn't look amused.
"Woo-hooooo!", they wooed.
"All right, relax. It's just a shoe", he said taking off one shoe.
"Wooooo!"
After a couple of rounds of Joey being the one picked to take off a piece of clothing, it began to get boring and they decided to pick other people to take off their clothes.
"All right, I have five cool points", Monica announced. She looked around the table to decide who would have to take something off next. "Rach, it's your turn", she said.
"Fine", Rachel accepted her fate and took off her watch.
Once Rachel had five cool points though, her revenge was immediate. "Mon, your turn", she smirked.
"Alright", she held up her hands in defeat and took off a shoe. Suddenly she was very happy that she had put on shoes and didn't decide to go barefoot. Having taken off one shoe, her right foot touched the sand barefoot.
Phoebe chose Chandler, who chose Monica when it was his turn. Ross stayed stubborn and chose Joey again who at this point had to take off his pants. He had only one more article of clothing left. Joey chose Phoebe and then it was Monica's turn again.
"Rach", she said with a smile and with a knowing look.
Rachel groaned. She hadn't been as smart as the others to have put on her shoes before the game. She had to choose between her top and her pants. Realizing that she had nothing under her top, she decided to take off her pants. She really hoped they were going to stop soon, because she didn't really feel like stripping down even further.
"Happy?", she looked at Monica who quickly snapped her eyes up at her. Blushing slightly at having been caught staring at her legs.
Rachel rolled the dice and collected another five points. Since Chandler had chosen her too, her second shoe was already off. She now faced the same choice as Rachel. Her pants or her shirt. She decided to go for the pants. Her shirt was long enough to cover the upper part of her legs.
Phoebe chose Ross this time, who was taking off his shirt now, and Chandler chose Phoebe who had to take off her vest now. Before she had already taken off two shoes and her necklace. Now she had only her robe and her underwear left. Now it was Ross's turn. He didn't have mercy on Joey at all.
"Okay, your band is playing at Arnold's, collect three cool points. Which means, I have five, and that means I get Joey's boxers!", he said. Everyone looked at a sour-looking Joey.
"Fine. Gang up on me! I got you all right where I want you", he said. His defence was rather weak.
"Come on, take 'em off!", Phoebe spurred him on.
"Actually, you know it's kinda cold, so how about I keep my boxers on, and give you all a peek at the good stuff?", he tried to make a compromise.
Monica, who didn't really feel like seeing Joey's 'good stuff' got up. "All right, I'm gonna make more margaritas!", she went to the counter. Rachel got up too and followed her.
"Mon, don't choose me anymore, please", she quietly begged.
"Why?", Monica asked, looking up from the margaritas.
"I don't have anything under my top", Rachel sounded a tad panicky. Monica saw how her eyes were slightly wider than they normally were and sympathy flooded her chest.
"Alright, but otherwise we can just say that Joey lost, since he was the first one to lose all his clothes and that we quit the game now", Monica suggested. She also didn't really feel like undressing further than she already was.
"That would be perfect", Rachel said relieved.
Just then, there was knocking on the door, which was now swinging open. "Hey!", Ellie said, coming inside.
"Hey", Rachel went to Ellie.
"My boss let me off early, so I took the train", she hugged Rachel when she was in front of her.
Chandler and Monica were soaking up the sun lying on the beach. Joey was busy making a hole. They were in compatible silence.
"It's Rachel, isn't it?", Chandler asked breaking the silence. He made sure to keep his voice down so that Joey wouldn't hear them.
"Huh?", Monica didn't know what he was talking about.
"Your relationship with a girl. The girl was Rachel, wasn't she?", Chandler asked.
"What? How do you know about this?", Monica asked. Her eyes were wide, constantly flicking to Joey to see if he was catching anything of their conversation.
"You told me", Chandler asked, confused by her confusion, "You know, when it was Joey's birthday party."
The pieces clicked inside Monica's brain. "Ooh, right", she remembered their conversation now clearly, "Wow, I thought for sure that you wouldn't remember all that. We had so much alcohol in our systems by then."
Chandler smiled at her. "So?"
"So what?"
"Is it? Rachel?"
"Oh", Monica realized that she wasn't going to get around this question without being suspicious, so she just decided to be honest about it, "Yes, it was. But you can never tell anyone this information. Not even Rachel. We made a pact", she pointed a finger at him to make him swear.
"I won't say anything. I swear", he put his hand on his chest.
"How did you find out?", Monica asked curiously. She thought she had hidden it pretty well.
"Because you two keep sneaking looks at each other when you think the other one and no one else is paying attention. And not just to see which shirt the other is wearing today. I mean looks as in looks that I would die for to receive from my non-existent girlfriend."
"Hey, you guys! Take a look at this!", Joey shouted. Monica took this opportunity to avoid having to answer what Chandler had just said. They both stood up to go closer to Joey. "Check this baby out, dug me a hole!"
"Excellent hole, Joe", Chandler said.
A wave crashed on the beach and the hole got partially filled up with water.
"Oh no! No! My hole!"
"Ow! Ow!", Monica screamed in pain.
"What? What is it?", Joey asked climbing out of the hole.
"Jellyfish sting! Oh, it hurts! It hurts! It hurts!"
"Well, can we help? You want us to take you back to the house?", Chandler asked panic rising. Monica was grabbing his arm for support.
"It's like two miles!", the pain was getting worse by the second.
"Yeah, and I'm a little tired from digging the hole."
"Oh damn the jellyfish. Damn all the jellyfish!", Monica cursed at the sea.
"We've got to do something!", Chandler said.
"Well, there's really only one thing you can do", Joey said with his arms in his sides.
"What? What is it?", Monica screamed, getting desperate now.
"You're gonna have to pee on it."
"What?! Gross!", Monica said disgustedly.
"Don't blame me, I saw it on The Discovery Channel", Joey defended himself.
"You know what, he's right. There's something like uh, ammonia in that, that like kills the pain", Chandler backed up his friend.
"Well forget it! It doesn't hurt that", she tried to take a step, but the pain immediately shot through her leg, "Bad!"
"If you want some privacy you can use my hole", Joey suggested.
"How was the beach?", Rachel asked when they got back. She sat on the couch, cuddling with Ellie.
"Nothing, I don't know", Monica said, obviously still disgusted by what had just happened.
"What happened?", Ellie asked.
"Nothing. I'm gonna take a shower", Monica said, not wanting to talk about it.
"Me too", Chandler said.
"Me too", Joey followed Monica and Chandler who were already climbing up the stairs.
S3E11 tow Chandler can't remember which sister
S3E25 to at the beach
S4E1 tow the jellyfish