As always, thanks go out to all my readers and reviewers. catgrl, Goldielover, madison174, kouga's older woman, Guest, Kayozm, and Ruiniel. I so appreciate your comments. They truly brightened my day.

CHAPTER 14

CONVERSATION WITH A VAMPIRE

Bella had called the hospital twice in two days, and both times she had received the same answer, "I'm sorry. Dr. Cullen isn't in today."

This being the third day, Bella pursed her lips, and considered her options; she could either call the hospital again, or else she could drop by in person to see if he was there.

Since Jake had fixed and returned her car, getting to Forks General would be a simple thing. Plus, it'd be kind of nice to get out of the house.

With her cell phone in hand, Bella thought back to the other day. "I shouldn't have gone off like that," Jacob had told her when he had dropped off her car. "When I realized that Dr. Cullen had been here, I panicked. I just wouldn't want anything to happen to you."

"I can take care of myself, Jake," Bella had responded, but not angrily. They could have spoken at length, and would have if Charlie hadn't pulled into the driveway just then, arriving home after a long day at work.

As it was, she and Jacob had left it at that, and now here she was, her absent stare directed at the ceiling. Coming to a decision, Bella got up, grabbed a few things, and soon exited the house in hopes of seeing Carlisle.

Jake might have his own bias against Fork's newest doctor, but Bella wanted to see and decide for herself. A vampire, she mused, scarcely over the shock of it all. Yet even with her internet search, many questions remained. If she managed to catch Carlisle at the hospital, Bella might be able to ask those questions, to watch his face and consider his words, gauging his sincerity for herself.

That was her hope at least. Now to get there.

Sitting behind the wheel, with Carlisle's jacket and scarf lying on the passenger seat, it was hard not to think of her accident. One moment she had been driving down the highway, the next that bear had appeared almost out of nowhere. If Carlisle hadn't found her…

As Bella drove toward the hospital, it took a few minutes for her grip to ease on the steering wheel. You're alright. Driving isn't hard. It's just like getting back on a bike after a fall. But by the time she pulled into the hospital parking lot, a new type of nervousness had begun to set in. One that felt a lot like butterflies.

You can do this, Bella.

First things first, she had to determine if Carlisle was actually here. Slowing by his designated parking spot, she narrowed her eyes at the car she saw. It was a Mercedes, but unlike the vehicle he had driven the other night, it was silver instead of black. Maybe someone took his spot? Or then maybe he had just bought a new car.

Encouraged by the fact that he might be here, Bella sought a vacant parking spot, and made her way toward the main entrance. Having called twice already, it seemed a bit stalkerish to seek him out this way. So be it, Bella thought, standing a little taller as she neared the medical secretary's desk.

"Hello." the lady greeted.

"Hi. I'm here to see Dr. Cullen?"

"I'm afraid Dr. Cullen is performing emergency surgery right now. Did you have an appointment? I would be happy to reschedule it for you."

"Oh, um…" Bella gave a shy smile. "I don't actually have an appointment."

The brown-haired secretary adjusted her glasses. "I'm sorry, but like I said, the doctor's in surgery."

Determined to see this through, Bella reseated the shoulder strap of her purse. "I understand. When he gets out, could you just tell him I'm here? I don't mind waiting. My name's Bella Swan."

"Bella Swan," the secretary echoed as recognition dawned in her eyes. "You're Charlie's daughter."

"Charlie's my dad, yeah."

"I know the chief. Good guy." Smiling, the secretary indicated the waiting room. "You can wait right over there if you want. Might be a while, though."

Relieved, Bella gave a nod. "Thank you."

With nothing left to do but wait, she removed her coat, and found a seat in the crowded waiting room. The clock on the wall indicated that it was a quarter past two.

Her thoughts turning to Carlisle, Bella wondered what she would say to him. After the way he'd left the other night, the anguish and shame she had seen on his face, she couldn't help but wonder how he would react when he finally saw her.

And so Bella waited. And waited. And waited some more.

After two coffees, and way too much time scrolling social media feeds on her phone, Bella texted her father to tell him not to worry, adding that she might be out for a while.

Putting away her cell, Bella crossed her feet, then huffed a tired breath. Head resting against the wall, she stared long out a nearby window, where a leafless tree was swaying in the wind. In the distance beyond, an unending blanket of clouds was rolling by, lulling her until her eyelids started to droop.

Some time later, Bella was roused from sleep by someone saying her name. Disoriented, she blinked and looked up, only to freeze when her eyes settled on the man she had been waiting to see.

"Carlisle. Hi."

He was standing a short distance away, staring down at her with a ghost of a smile. In lieu of a shirt and tie, the blond doctor was wearing blue scrubs tonight, his hair mussed by the surgical cap he must have tossed before coming to see her.

"You're going to get a crick in your neck if you sleep like that," he cautioned in that gentle way of his.

Eyes darting around the waiting room, Bella was startled to find that all the seats were empty, and that the sky beyond the window had darkened to night. How long have I been sleeping? Embarrassed, she sat a bit straighter and rubbed the sleep from her face. "I can't believe I dozed off like that. What time is it?"

Carlisle glanced at the clock. "Ten forty-five. You've been here a while," he stated more than asked.

"I wanted to return these." Ignoring her rising jitters, Bella plucked his jacket and scarf from the neighboring chair, and gained her feet. "You dropped them in Charlie's driveway the other night."

"Ah, yes. Thank you." Once Carlisle had taken the proffered items, Bella grabbed her purse and coat, and straightened again. "I know this isn't the ideal place and time, but I was hoping we could talk? Alone?"

His features revealing little, Carlisle nodded in acquiescence, and held out his arm in the direction he wished for them to go. In silence, he then guided her past the nurse's station, further into the hospital.

Except for the squeaking of their shoes, the corridor was quiet at this hour, reminding her of the nights she had spent here following her accident. Though it wasn't that long ago, a lot had changed since her hospitalization, not the least of which was her view and understanding of the world.

Vampires.

Instead of creatures of myth, they were apparently very real, and one was walking right beside her. Hyperaware of Carlisle's proximity, Bella fisted her jacket, and kept stealing glances at him as he walked. At present, the blond doctor was staring straight ahead, the tension in his frame hinting at a shared nervousness.

"My office is just around the corner here."

Indeed, there was a wall-mounted sign up ahead, with an arrow pointing left, and letters that read, Dr. Cullen. But just as they were about to turn the corner, Carlisle cocked his head and paused like he had heard something. "On second thought, let's continue that way." He pointed ahead.

Her brows furrowing slightly, Bella was about to ask where they were going when she spotted the reason for their sudden change of destination. Down the corridor to their left was a maintenance man. With a folding ladder in hand, the potential eavesdropper was gearing up to replace a damaged ceiling tile, directly in front of Carlisle's office.

Before the man could take notice of them, Dr. Cullen led her toward the very end of the corridor, where he turned right, and stopped by a locked door. With a quick look over his shoulder, he punched a passcode on the locking mechanism. Seconds later, they were in a service stairwell, their footfalls echoing in tandem as they ascended to the highest landing.

"You might want to wear your coat," he said, explaining that it could get rather windy up here. From these words, and the glowing exit sign above the door, Bella inferred that they were headed for the roof.

After she had donned her coat, Carlisle held the door open for her, and the two stepped out. Seemingly unbothered by the cold, he walked on ahead, his hair fluttering in the wind as he set his jacket and scarf aside and came to stand by the waist-high barrier that lined the outer edge of the roof. There, he stared down and out, while Bella lingered behind.

It was strange. She had been waiting for this—to see him and talk to him—but now that she was here, Bella couldn't get her legs to move. Her pulse had quickened, and an anxious knot was now tethering her to the spot.

It's okay. He won't hurt me.

Latching on to that hopeful belief, Bella gathered her courage, and slowly made her way across the roof. She had meant to stand by his left elbow, to act like he was any other man, but her cowardly feet acted of their own accord, carrying her to the barrier, but at a slight distance. With nearly four feet separating them, Bella chewed her lip and studied his profile.

He's still the same person. It's Carlisle. The man who had saved her life. A kind doctor who shared her love of books, with a knack for making her smile.

Stamping down on her fears, Bella absorbed the many sounds around her—from nearby traffic to a distant police siren, even the rhythmic whoosh of the hospital's furnace vents. With the wind brushing her rapidly cooling cheeks, she placed her hands atop the barrier, and was debating how to begin when Carlisle spoke first. "You're frightened of me."

Reflexively, the stubborn part of her wanted to deny it, to say she wasn't afraid. It would have been a lie, though.

"You're fidgeting, and your heart rate is elevated," he stated and watched the horizon, making her wonder how he could possibly know about her racing pulse. Could his senses be that heightened? Could he actually hear her thumping heart?

Before Bella could frame a reply, Carlisle turned his gaze on her, his mouth bearing a faint but knowing smile. But then, with quiet resignation, he heaved a sigh, and looked out again. "I understand. It's a normal stress response. I don't blame you for being afraid."

Her lashes lowered at that, her cheeks blushing when she said, "Alright, so maybe you frighten me a little." Thinking it was best to be open and frank, Bella spoke in a trembling voice. "You're impossibly fast. Your skin is pale white and ice-cold. Your eyes change color. You don't go out in the sunlight. And sometimes, you speak like… like you're from a different time… I know," she declared as steadily as she could. "I know what you are."

A weighty pause ensued.

"And what would that be?"

A tremor went through her. Then…

"Vampire."

As mind-boggling as it was, Bella felt the truth of it in her bones; Carlisle Cullen was a vampire.

In the aftermath of her declaration, the doctor moved away, his fingers raking through his messy hair as he wound an aimless path across the roof. As Bella watched him from afar, Carlisle came to a stop and looked skyward, his back to her.

"You can ask me," he said, then turned to face her. "The question you must be wondering. About what it is that I eat."

Carlisle was waiting. Her heart in her throat, Bella took a step forward, but went no further than that. "You drink blood," she answered, her gut tightening at the fact that he didn't deny it. "How does that work exactly? Do you rob the blood bank or…" The alternative was so distressing, so at odds with Carlisle's gentle nature, she couldn't bring herself to say it.

"I don't prey on people, if that's what you're wondering. I've never robbed a blood bank either."

"So that kid who disappeared. It wasn't you," Bella deduced and watched him closely.

There was sadness in his smile, in his eyes also, but remarkably, there was no blame whatsoever. "No. It wasn't me."

As Carlisle fell silent, the light cotton of his scrubs stirring in the evening wind, Bella's fears receded a bit more.

She believed him. Without knowing how or why, she just did. "How do you survive?"

"I sustain myself with animal blood. Deer, elk, bear."

Comforted by his answer, she dared another step, and sought to learn more. "How old are you?"

"Old," was all he said.

"Old like a hundred years?" When he made no reply, Bella's brows rose by a fraction. "Two hundred?"

Carlisle winced, like he was embarrassed to say it. Surely, he wasn't—

"Three hundred and seventy-seven."

Her stomach dropped, then her breath fled. "You're thr…" Three hundred and seventy-seven? That meant—

"I was born in sixteen forty. In London, England."

Her brain was in overdrive. This gorgeous doctor, that women fawned over, was a centenarian nearly four times over? Her mouth agape, Bella did and re-did the math.

"I'm sorry. I know it's a lot to take in."

"A bit yeah." Seeing him through a new lens, Bella thought of their first encounter, and had to ask. "The night you found me by the highway, the reason you were in the woods…"

"I had gone out to hunt. I was on my way home when I caught your scent in the distance."

"By that, you mean you smelled my blood."

"Correct."

Whoa…

Her mind brimming with too many questions to ask, Bella somehow narrowed her focus to address the proverbial elephant in the room—or the elephant on the roof rather. "If you don't prey on humans, why did you…" Shit, how could she put this? "After you caught me the other night, that moment when you…"

"You can say it, Bella. The moment I sniffed your neck and growled at you." Embarrassment broke through his saddened expression. "I suppose, to better explain, I should tell you more about what I am. How we are."

As curiosity sparked within her, overshadowing her lingering nervousness, Carlisle swallowed and began. "Vampires are, for lack of a better term, creatures of instincts. Our senses are ultra-sensitive, and they drive us in many ways. In certain situations, they can override everything, and we react with little to no conscious thought." He tucked his chin, his teeth nervously grazing his lower lip. "It doesn't excuse my behavior. Yet that is how we are, how we are made."

Made.

"The way I live… My 'vegetarian' diet…" Carlisle was weighing his words, doubtless choosing them with great care. "It's a personal choice. One very few vampires choose to make. You see, humans are our natural food source." A pause. He was giving her time to absorb all of this.

Humans. Food source. Bella blew out a steadying breath. Okay.

"It is regrettable, I admit, but that is the way of things."

"Have you ever…"

"No. I've never fed on humans. It's not who I am, who I want to be."

"And who do you want to be?"

His face lined in the glow of distant streetlights, Carlisle said, "The best version of myself. I might be a vampire, but I don't want to be a monster. I want to do good. I want to help people. It brings me happiness."

Now he was smiling—a warm smile that reached his eyes. "What I enjoy most is when my… enhanced abilities allow me to save someone who would otherwise be lost. It heartens me to know that, because of what I am and what I can do, some people's lives were made better because I exist."

Sincerity. That's what she saw, openness combined with a shy sort of vulnerability. Standing before him, Bella could do no less than stare and feel validated. Carlisle really did have a heart of gold.

His brows furrowed a little. "But be that as it may, I am a vampire, and as such, my instincts can overpower me at times, like the other night. Please understand that I would never knowingly hurt you. But in my world, you're what we call a singer. My singer."

Her mouth opened then closed. "What does that mean exactly?"

"A singer is a human whose blood sings for one specific vampire, overwhelming his or her senses to the point of frenzy."

Bella blanched—she couldn't help it—and swallowed thickly. "You're basically saying I'm the perfect meal. Your… perfect meal."

"Yes." The shame in his voice was unmistakable. "When I found you by the highway, the smell of your blood hit me with such force, I thought I was losing my mind. Being around you tempted and tested me in ways I hadn't felt in centuries. It's the reason I practically ran out of your hospital room all those weeks ago, and the reason I,"—he hesitated again—"the reason I did what I did the other night. It's a poor excuse, I know. But when I stopped your fall, and held you close to me—"

His words caused an unexpected shiver to race across her skin, like fingertips trailing down her spine.

"When I felt the warmth of your neck, and breathed in your scent," he said and blinked an extended blink. "I lost all reason." When Carlisle reopened his eyes, Bella noted that his irises had changed color. Not gold, not black, but somewhere in between. "I'm so sorry, Isabella." His voice was scarcely a whisper. "I never meant to frighten you. And I never meant for you to find out about all this, about what I am."

The pain in his words caused her chest to tighten. Then the words tumbled out. "I trust you." Bella had spoken on impulse, it was true. But she had meant it. She trusted him.

"As for what you are," she went on. "I won't tell anyone."

The wind was dying down, the gusts yielding to a cold but gentle breeze. "I must say you're very gracious about all this."

Compelled to explain, to share the truth in her heart, she said, "Have you ever met someone and known? This instinctive feeling that you get right then and there, that tells you if a person is good or not?"

Needing to get this off her chest, Bella stared up into his eyes. "That night at the hospital, when you brought me herbal tea, I felt exactly that. And it wasn't that weird spell that all the nurses seem to be under. You save lives for a living. You're helpful, funny, and kind. Vampire or not, you've achieved your aim. You're a good person, Carlisle."

"I strive to be," he allowed but added, "Even if I am damned regardless."

Bella blinked a few times. "Damned? You mean like… hell?" He couldn't be serious.

But the subdued look on his face indicated that he was indeed very serious.

"Uh-uh. No way," she said in the wake of his silence. "I'm sorry but I don't believe that. Not for a second."

"Thank you, Bella. But by all other accounts, though, I am damned." For a moment, he looked sidelong at the horizon, and in those contemplative seconds, Bella glimpsed the seventeenth century man that he had once been, a God-fearing thirty-one year old who'd had the misfortune of becoming a vampire.

"But I hope, maybe foolishly, that I'll get some measure of credit for trying."

Her heart twisted at that. So much so that she acted without thinking. Hand halfway to his cheek, Bella realized her forwardness, and stopped herself long enough to ask. "May I?"

For a fleeting instant, Carlisle's expression wavered between perplexity and amazement. Taking his silence as a possible refusal, Bella was lowering her hand when Carlisle took hold of her wrist, gently but with startling need. "Please."

His tone, the very look on his face, betrayed the depth of his loneliness. Moved, saddened, and fascinated, Bella granted his wish without speaking, her nervous fingers reaching up and forward, touching his marble face at last.

His eyes fell closed upon contact, and a tremulous breath left his lungs. How long they stayed like so, Bella could not say. Rapt, she watched as her thumb traced a series of half-moons over his cheekbone. So smooth. So cold.

Her gaze flickering over his flawless face, she secretly wondered if his mouth was as firm as his skin. Not daring to explore that far, Bella contented herself by studying the peaked cupid's bow of his upper lip, the elegant sweep of his lashes, his pale brows.

Her chest grew heavy. "You're beautiful." She hadn't meant to say it out loud, but the words had slipped out anyway.

When their eyes reconnected, his mouth bore a small, regretful smile. "It's the curse of being a vampire. My appearance, my voice, my scent. Everything about me is designed to lure and attract."

No. To her it was more than that. This man had an inner light, a purity that radiated out of him like moonbeams.

As Carlisle let go of her wrist, and her touch fell away, he said, "I value life and I seek to preserve it. But the fact remains that I am a predator, Bella. Moreover, the world I live in differs greatly from yours. There are rules, laws that all vampires must abide by. You shouldn't know any of this. The fact that we're here like this, discussing these things… It isn't safe."

With resignation in his eyes, he whispered, "For your safety, you need to forget about all this. Forget that you even met me."

Wait, what? Carlisle wanted her to forget about him? To act like they had never met?

He said, "This secret should never have been yours to bear. After you left the hospital, I should have kept my distance from you. Instead, I was selfish and did the exact opposite. Grocery shopping with you, going to your home... It was reckless of me."

"You regret the time you spent with me?" Though she tried to hide it, the notion hurt more than she cared to admit.

Carlisle's reply was immediate. "No. Talking with you, laughing with you… those moments meant more to me than you could ever imagine." He looked down again. He seemed so dejected, sad. "But that doesn't change the fact that it was irresponsible of me. I had no business trying to get to know you, to spend time with you like I did."

"You want to know something?" Bella countered. "Despite the strangeness of these past few days. Learning that vampires are real, that humans aren't actually at the top of the food chain… And learning that the kind doctor who saved my life isn't human at all… Even with all that, and perhaps because of it, you made this week better."

Bella pressed on. "My life is a colossal mess right now. My cheating ex is moving out, and all my life plans have gone out the proverbial window. But spending time with you the other night, then trying to figure out exactly what you were… believe it or not, those things kept me sane. Instead of sitting alone in my old room, raging over what Evan did, I got to play paranormal detective. That's pretty darn cool if you ask me."

His mouth quirked at that, and hers did, too.

"I meant what I said earlier. I won't say anything. And…" Here goes. "If you're willing, I would very much like to see you again, to geek out over books, or to talk about whatever."

Now that the words were out, Bella watched his face. Such conflict. Such hope. Bolstered by the sight, she added, "I don't claim to understand your world and your laws, but I'm being sincere when I say that I enjoy spending time with you. You're a good guy, Carlisle."

Fearing that his beeper might go off, or that he would politely end their conversation, Bella took a leap of faith by fetching a pen and small note pad from her purse. Beneath the doctor's puzzled gaze, she scribbled her Seattle address and cell number real quick, then ripped out and folded the page.

"What's this?" Carlisle asked as he stared at her outstretched hand.

"In case you don't already have it. Open it."

Doing as she asked, Carlisle read then stared at the note for several long seconds.

Bella took a step back. "I'm leaving for Seattle in a few days. If ever you change your mind, and want to call or hang out, don't be a stranger, okay?"

Silence. Maybe that was a good thing.

Biting her lower lip, hoping she would get to see him again, Bella took another backward step. "See you around, doc."

By the time she exited the hospital, her feet carrying her toward her parking spot, her heart was hammering so fast, she could practically feel it in her throat. Having reached her car, Bella grasped the handle, steeled herself and chanced a look toward the roof.

Carlisle was still there, a lone figure watching her from afar.

A timid smile blooming on her mouth, Bella nodded to him before entering the car. With hopefulness in her heart, she drove away.