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CHAPTER 21

BALANCE

Carlisle was completely and utterly lost.

Thanks to the amazing woman in his arms, his world had tipped end over end tonight, vaulting him from a lonely existence to the whirlwind he was experiencing now.

"I'm falling for you, Carlisle."

Those words had been a dream once, a mere fantasy in which Bella returned his hopeless feelings. Only they weren't a dream anymore. In answer to a secret prayer, she had actually said them, not only with words, but with her touch, with her eyes.

At present, Bella was lowering herself on the couch, her fingers linked with his, gently urging him to follow her.

He did. He could do no less.

His dead heart swelling at the sight of his beloved, Carlisle carefully lowered his body to hers. The warmth and softness of her exposed skin were absolute heaven, such a contrast to his cold, immortal flesh.

As he hovered above, cataloguing every detail of her face and form, Bella spoke, uttering words that ignited a fire in him.

"I want you."

Normally, Carlisle was always one to think things through, to take his time with new, life-altering decisions. But the profundity of those words, spoken from her lips, had sent his mind to a whole other plane, where nothing existed but him and her. Isabella.

Fingers rising to sweep a lock of damp hair behind her ear, he watched her before whispering, "You have me, Bella. Whatever you want tonight, it's yours."

Whether this made him the luckiest man on Earth or the most reckless idiot in existence, Carlisle did not know. To be sure, he was taking a huge risk by diving into this. But was it really surprising? From the moment he had met her, his rational brain had often checked out, causing him to go against reason, time and time again.

What if I lose control? What if I hurt her? Or worse?

Even as he burned for her, these questions tormented and frightened him. How could they not? Bella meant the absolute world to him. After centuries of loneliness and self-denial, his body had awakened, and all he wanted was to be with her, to claim her. If anything were to happen…

Balance, Carlisle decided as he leaned down to worship her mouth. Balance would be the key. To give all of himself while taming the beast within. Since it all hinged on his self-control, he prayed to God in the midst of carnal sin. Please, don't let me harm her. Keep her safe.

"Sweetheart," he breathed in between kisses, his hand winding proprietary touches up and down her jean-covered thigh. God, she was sexy. And without any "dazzling" on his part, she wanted him. "You have to tell me, okay? If I scare or hurt you in the slightest way… Promise me."

"I will. I trust you," Bella answered before stopping and placing a hand over his heart. Concern creased her brows. "Is this okay? I don't want to rush you if you're not ready."

Her words moved him. "I want you, Bella. You can't know how much." Carlisle found strength in the affection in her eyes. "I just need to be careful. One slip… I'd never forgive myself if anything happened to you."

"We'll take our time, then." Her fingertips rose to his throat. "Are you…"

"In pain?" he finished for her.

She gave a nod.

The corner of his mouth quirked, then his hand went in search of her own. Raising it to his lips, Carlisle kissed her knuckles before saying, "I'm okay. Truly." The burn in his throat was manageable.

Accepting his assurances with a gentled "alright", Bella snaked a hand to the nape of his neck, where she slowly and tenderly guided his mouth back to hers. Then they both sighed.

Aching to have her, Carlisle carefully rubbed his need against the crux of her thighs. Her answering moan was so thrilling, he did it again. And again.

Her legs rising to encapsulate his hips, Bella hissed her pleasure, then turned her head sideways, exposing the side of her neck to his open-mouthed kisses. Fuck, she tasted good, and smelled even better, a mix of freesia and strawberries and a maddening scent that was all woman.

If Carlisle had been human, his blood would have been running hot by now, his skin covered with a gathering sheen of sweat.

Raining kisses along her collarbone, he blazed a trail down to the swell of her left breast. Her rapid heartbeat enticing to the extreme, Carlisle ignored his growing thirst, then kissed the white lace of her bra, capturing the pebbled peak beneath.

A shudder went through him, another growl threatening to escape his throat. Easy, he warned himself. Mad with want, he luxuriated in her softness, her little sighs, in the way she kept rolling her hips against his throbbing need, sending jolts of pleasure all throughout his body.

The patter of rain against the window intensified, mingling with their breaths.

When Carlisle sat up to feast his eyes on her, Bella lay languid and waiting. "God, you're stunning," he told her, his fingers skimming the edge of her bra, down her ribs toward the dip of her waist.

An elegant brow shot up at his words, a smirk finding light on her lips. "Have you looked in the mirror lately?" Her voice was husky and low, her brown eyes gleaming. "You're the most beautiful man I've ever met."

In the wake of her praise, Bella rose up on her elbows, sat up and was about to unclasp her bra when Carlisle stopped her, gently. "Not here."

With that, he gained his feet and extended his hand. She took it. Once they were face to face, Carlisle held to her hips, while her hands rose to link behind his neck.

"So where to?" she asked, teasing.

Before Bella could register what was happening, Carlisle hoisted her up, his hands supporting her thighs as her legs wrapped around his waist.

"Where's your bedroom, Miss Swan?" he murmured and stared up into her eyes.

Bella swallowed hard, her voice breathless when she said, "Right behind you, Dr. Cullen."

Her bedroom was bathed in semi darkness when they entered. Setting her down near the foot of the bed, Carlisle picked up where they had left off, his fingers undoing the clasp of her bra as she stood there and caressed his face.

As the garment fell to the floor, their eyes held for a heartbeat, then two. When he finally lowered his gaze, Carlisle could have come right then and there. He nearly did.

Bella was exquisite, her face and chest flushed with desire. Not one to stay idle, she started with his zipper, drawing it down, holding hid eyes the entire time.

And so they undressed, slowly and tenderly, as fat rain fell against the window, sliding in shining rivulets.

Once they were on the bed, lying skin to skin, Carlisle wanted her so badly, he had to take a moment to calm himself. Watch it, he thought, seizing the bedspread with white-knuckled fists. Be gentle with her.

So he started with simple things, like loosening her hair, kissing the hollow of her abdomen, her hipbone. He groaned.

As he moved to palm the warm weight of her breast, Bella's fingers slid into his hair, holding on as she watched him through her lashes. Their breathing had quickened at this point, their bodies trembling with feverish anticipation.

Gentle. Careful, he repeated again, aware of the danger he might pose if his control slipped even a little.

Earlier that day, Bella never would have imagined that she would find herself here. Being with him like this… it'd been a fantasy, a dream like she'd had last night. Aware that she and Carlisle were moving extremely fast, she decided not to overthink, to just go with it. Sudden or not, this felt right.

As the warmth of her body spread to his cool skin, Carlisle caressed her with slow, winding touches. At present, he was ghosting a path around her navel, lingering for a few seconds before travelling lower, and lower still.

How she ached for him.

When he finally touched her where she wanted him most, her pleasure was such that she gasped. They both did.

"Carlisle," she panted and closed her eyes.

"God, Isabella… you're so…"

Warm? Wet?

Whatever he had been about to say died on his tongue, for his mouth was suddenly distracted, a hum rising in his throat as he hungrily explored one breast, then the other.

As his fingers traced maddening circles between her thighs, her back arched off the bed, her head tilted toward her pillow as he teased and tantalized.

Too much. Not enough.

Oh God.

"Yes," she cried as he whispered back, "Fuuuck."

Hearing him swear like that…

"I want to touch you. Can I?" she asked, mindful that it might be too much or too fast for him.

A growl as his answer, Carlisle shifted so she could reach him. As he braced himself above her, his eyes intense and so very black, Bella wasted no time in wrapping her fingers around him. The moment she touched his pulsing flesh, shaping and stroking his length with smoldering hunger, his breath caught and his body jerked a little.

Thrilled by the way his head fell forward, Bella smirked and kept on going. The cry that escaped his throat was followed by the sudden claiming of her mouth, making her lose her mind as her own body spiraled beneath his touch.

Damn, she was close. On the very brink even. And he'd barely started.

There could be no doubt, his was a surgeon's hand, precise and thorough. "Come for me, Bella." This plea, uttered near the shell of her ear, was nearly enough to send her over the edge.

Her breathing turned ragged, her pleasure increasing with every expert swirl of his fingers.

"Oh God, I'm close… I'm..." Her voice rose in pitch with every word. Then, when her world finally exploded, she mewled her pleasure, her body trembling with a climax that was vaster and slower than any she had experienced before.

Bella was still in the midst of it when her ears registered a growl, accompanied by the sound of ripping fabric. His hand, she realized. The one on which he was braced. When Bella had reached orgasm, his fingers had dug into the bedding, ripping not only the bedspread, but the mattress itself.

"Shit, I'm sorry," Carlisle said, horrified.

"It's okay." Another gasp, another tremor. Her climax was slowly subsiding. "It's just a bed. It's okay."

Saddened by his apparent shame, Bella touched the side of his face. "Kiss me."

He did.

Passion reasserted itself. His knees planted between her legs, Carlisle began to crawl over her with one goal in mind.

"Anytime you want me to stop… If I'm too rough or—"

"I know. And same to you. If it gets to be too much... I'll understand."

Carlisle nodded, then his focus appeared to shift, narrowing on what was about to happen. Her hands now framing his face, Bella watched as he aligned their bodies. He was right there, poised to enter her when their eyes met again.

His hair was an adorable, disheveled mess, his gaze flickering between love and hunger.

A tiny kiss, then another. As Bella's universe shrank to this very moment, Carlisle drank in the sight of her before sliding into her in one smooth motion. Sheathed to the hilt, he made an inarticulate sound.

Her eyes rolling at the back of her head, Bella luxuriated in the feel of him, thick and firm, deep inside her.

As Carlisle panted against her throat, they stayed that way for a maddening moment in time. Then, once he had gathered himself enough to control his ardor, they started moving. Slowly and carefully. The two of them writhing as one.

"Isabella…" His brow had come to rest against hers, his cool breath gusting against her parted lips.

In. Out. In again. And so they rode on waves of desire, their feelings laid out for the other to see.

The intensity was rising, their pace increasing in time with their pleasure.

"Sweetheart, I won't last."

Bella didn't mind in the least. Seeing him in the throes of passion was a toe-curling experience. All she wanted was to see him come undone. "Let go," she begged. "I want to see you. I need…"

Rising on his arms, Carlisle pumped into her and closed his eyes, his jaw flexing as he neared the precipice.

Close. Closer. There.

He cried out at the end, his rhythm faltering as her shoulders rose off the bed.

In awe, Bella watched as he shuddered before slowly coming down from the rush.

When Carlisle collapsed in apparent exhaustion, his arm holding some of his weight off of her, Bella closed her eyes and smiled.

Already, she was looking forward to the next time.