Chapter 3
Major Margaret Houlihan was over the moon. A handsome young Captain told her that she should go to medical school and become a doctor for she was very skilled. She found Frankie absolutely adorable. The Captain wasn't her usual attraction. Normally, Margaret gravitated towards men with dark hair and brown eyes. She wasn't sure why she seemed to connect to Frankie so well. She found they a lot in common and Frankie didn't hit on the nurses unlike one certain surgeon she knew. The new doctor was kind, understanding and gentle. Margaret found Frankie's sense of humor was like Hawkeye's sense of humor but lacked any womanizing. Frankie actually defended a few nurses from Hawkeye's advances and that set the new doctor out from the others. In the few days that Frankie has been in camp the nurses found an ally in the new doctor.
Margaret came to the mess tent early for breakfast as she found Frankie was always up before the other doctors. She had no idea that Frankie rose early so she could change clothes without being seen. She spied the doctor in line and quickly made her way over to have breakfast with the new Captain.
"Morning, Captain Barns." she cheered.
"Morning Major." she smiled pleasantly. "How did you sleep last night?"
"About the same. How about you? I can imagine what it must be like sleeping in the Swamp." she replied.
"It's not too bad. They give me my space." she mentioned off hand. She handed Margaret a coffee cup.
"Thank you, Doctor." she smiled pleased as she found Frankie was very helpful.
"You're welcome." she replied kindly.
The pair soon made their way through the line and quickly sat down at a table.
Klinger then came up to the table and dressed up like Little Red Riding Hood. He placed two bottles of nail polish on the table before them as he greeted. "Good morning, Captain, Major." He lifted one leg, "I took your suggestion and shaved my legs, Captain. See, smooth as a newborn baby's butt." He then pointed, "Which nail polish should I wear? Pearl White or Rose Red."
Frankie tried very hard to keep a straight face as she adored Klinger and his antics. She found him absolutely hilarious. She reached over with her hand and felt the smooth leg. "Good job!" she cheered him on. She looked to Margaret who seemed bothered. "What do you think, Major? The white or the red polish?"
Margaret found Frankie was enjoying helping Klinger dress up. She gave a sigh, "White I suppose."
She disagreed, "Red kind of highlights and cape though." She looked up at Klinger, "I would go with the red."
"Red it is!" he cheered.
Frankie then suggested, "Paint your toe nails too."
Margret rolled her eyes.
Klinger cheered, "That's an idea, Doc. Boy, I should have you help me pick out my outfits."
Margaret huffed annoyed, "Klinger!"
He quickly grasped the nail polish bottles. "Right Major. I'm leaving." He quickly turned and took a few steps when he heard Frankie's call out.
"I would love to help you, Klinger." she told him.
He paused and turned to see Margaret with the most shocked face and Frankie grinning amused. He cheered, "Great Captain. I make all my own outfits. I'll show you some of them when you get time."
"Sure thing." she agreed.
Margaret asked, "You are not seriously going to help him?"
Frankie stated, "He's not going anywhere. Everyone knows it's an act. His outfits are good for morale. He's kind of the camp clown."
"Maybe you should dress him as a clown." she suggested.
Frankie debated, "It would be nice if I could dress him up in something other than dresses."
"Good luck with that." Margaret replied shaking her head.
Frankie debated, "The guys mentioned a talent show."
"Father Mulcahy put one on every month." she informed.
"I wonder if we could get him to put on a play." Frankie pondered.
"What play?" she wondered.
"The Twelfth Night." she stated the Shakespeare play that influenced her disguise.
"Which one was that?" Margaret asked.
Frankie explained, "It's when a sister takes her brother's place after a shipwreck thinking he is dead and then is sent to woo a duchess on behalf of a Duke. The sister falls for Duke and the Duchess fall for the sister in disguise. You can play the lead." she suggested.
She asked, "What part would Klinger play?"
"The brother! He's alive and come back in the end." she suggested.
"And the Duke that the sister is in love with?" she wondered.
"Charles." she pondered. "Maybe BJ or Hawkeye."
Margaret stated, "That sounds like a crazy play." She then suggested, "You play the Duke and I will play the sister."
She shook her head, "I think that character needs to go to someone older than me." She grinned, "How about the Colonel?"
"I'm sure Colonel Potter has his plate full already." she disagreed. "I'll play the sister in disguise if you can get those three doctors to pick a part on the play."
Frankie paused, "What about the duchess?"
"Klinger can play the duchess." Margaret flatly stated.
Later
Frankie made her way to the father's tent with Major Houlihan to see if they could convince the Father to put on a play instead of a talent show. Frankie found she was most comfortable around the nurses as they were the same gender as she.
Margaret did see the feminine walk, the occasional higher tone of the voice, the softness of the features but she pushed the thoughts to the back of her mind as she didn't want to think of the new doctor as odd as she liked Frankie on a personal level. Instead, she found herself comparing Frankie Barns to Frank Burns mentally. To her estimation Frankie was the exact opposite of Frank Burns. The new Captain was an excellent surgeon, had compassion for the patients, was not conceded and even doubted her own abilities at times. She didn't wish for medals or promotions and above all Captain Barns did not make passes at any of the nurses. To Margaret's estimation, Frankie was the perfect gentleman. As they walked across the camp the pair talked.
Margaret asked, "Tell me. You have anyone special back home, Captain?"
She shook her head, "No! I was ahead of the other kids in school so I never dated or anything like that growing up. My parents died in a plane crash when I was young. I was raised by my grandfather who just stuck me in private schools. He didn't know what to do with me either. I have a lot of schooling growing up. After I graduated and got my medical degree, I then went to work for the hospital."
Margret suggested, "No nurses at the hospital throwing themselves at you?"
She shook her head, "Nope." She then added as if in jest. "And no doctors either."
Margaret suggested, "Someday you will find the perfect girl, Captain."
"Meh," she shrugged. "I'm in no hurry."
"What do you plan on doing once the war is over?" she asked. "Go into private practice." she wondered.
"I don't know." Frankie admitted. "Maybe write a book about life in the army."
"Just write a book on Klinger." Margaret added to the suggestion.
"For sure." she grinned.
The pair came to the tent. Margaret rapped on the wooden door frame. "Father Mulcahy!" she called.
A moment later the Father came to the door. He smiled pleasantly at his guest. "Ah, Major Houlihan, Captain Barns. What can I help you with?"
Margaret began, "I was telling Captain Barns about the talent show and he has an idea."
The Father perked up. "Would you like to be in it? Major Winchester told me about how you can play the violin."
Frankie shook her head, "No! I don't want to be in it. I thought maybe the camp could put on a play instead."
"A play! That's a marvelous idea. What play would you like to put on?" he wondered.
Frankie stated, "The Twelfth Night by Williams Shakespeare."
"What a wonderful play. And who will be in the play?" he asked.
Frankie stated, "We have not gotten that far yet. Major Houlihan wants to be the lead."
The Father's eyes lit up as he envisioned the play. Margaret never wanted to be in any play he ever suggested. He got an idea. "You should play the brother. You and Major Houlihan could pass as brother and sister. Both with blond hair and blue eyes and all."
Margaret grinned and agreed, "You play the brother and I play the sister in disguise."
The Father asked, "Can I direct?"
"Of course." Major Houlihan agreed. She grew excited for her new roll, "I have a theater kit in my tent. I can glue on a fake mustache for the lead."
As Margaret stated her plan Frankie instinctively touched her own fake mustache concerned.
The Father asked, "Are you willing to cut your hair that short, Major?"
"I'll just put it up under my cap. We can set the play in…maybe the Civil War. Tweak it a bit for the time frame. " she grinned at the ideas.
The Father figured, "We can have Klinger do the costumes. Boy, we can make this a big production and have the 8063rd officers attend." He grinned at the two women, "What a marvelous idea. A Shakespearian play. Just what the doctor ordered." He stated while rising his finger, "That should really boost camp morale."
Frankie never imagined a big production but rather a few men and women reciting lines from the play without much fanfare. It seems her idea was catching on like wildfire and it looked like she might be playing a leading roll in the play still disguised as a man.
Later
Though the play was Frankie's idea, she decided it would be best if she laid as low as possible out of fear of her true gender being discovered. Father Mulcahy brought the play to Colonel Potter who also loved the idea. An audition sheet was soon posted by the mess tent and the play became the buzz of the camp.
Charles Emerson Winchester the Third stood by his cot in the Swamp holding a copy of the play before him. He read off the lines of the Duke as he relished in any role from Shakespeare. "If music be food of love, play on; Give me excess of if, that, surfeiting, The appetite may sicken and so die…" he paused upon seeing Frankie step into the tent. He grinned, "Oh, good. You can help me rehearse my lines, Captain."
Frankie stated, "I don't have a role in the play."
He gasped, "How could you not have a role? The play was your idea, Captain."
She shrugged, "It was just an idea." She then laid down on her cot to rest for a while. She closed her eyes and motioned with a hand. "You don't have to stop on my account, Major."
Charles looked baffled at her. He assumed she would want to be in the play as well.
"Where was I?" he gave a heavy sigh.
"Line one from act one." she told him.
"Ah." he looked at the script once more.
Hawkeye walked into the tent next with BJ in tow. The pair found Frankie laying down and Charles standing with a script in hand.
Charles began his line again. "If music be food of love, play on; Give me excess of if, that, surfeiting, The…"
BJ asked, "What are you doing, Charles?"
Annoyed by the interruption he huffed, "I am trying to practice my lines for the play."
BJ found it rather amusing and asked, "What part you sign up for?"
"The Duke." he proclaimed. "What parts did you two get?"
Hawkeye stated, "I didn't sign up for any part."
"Neither did I." BJ added.
Frankie lifted her head and stated, "Major Houlihan won't play Viola unless you two are also in it. She told me so."
Hawkeye shrugged it off. "There are lots of other nurses." He sat down on his cot.
BJ also took a seat and added, "Father Mulcahy was rather disappointed that you turned down the part of Sebastian, Frankie."
"Either of you two could play him." she offered.
He smirked. "I was thinking of playing Sir Toby if you maybe…play Sebastian." He then added, "And Hawkeye can play Sir Andrew." He smirked, "If you play Sebastian." he insisted.
She shook her head not enthused. "I would rather not have a part." She then could not help but ask, "Who is Playing Duchess Olivia?"
BJ stated, "Klinger wants it but Father Mulcahy thought it should go to one of the nurses."
Hawkeye smiled, "Nurse Baker."
Charles stated, "She would be a far better choice than Klinger."
Frankie stated, "Okay! If I agree to play Sebastian then Klinger gets to play Duchess Olivia. You two take up the roles of Andrew and Toby."
"You got yourself a deal." BJ told her pleased to have her in the play.