Warnings:

Alternate Universe - Princess Bride Fusion Crack Crack Treated Seriously Crack Crossover Crossovers & Fandom Fusions Unfortunate Implications possible slavery Friendship Brotherhood Canon-Typical Violence Force Collar Abandonment Issues Temporary Character Death bad guy catnip obi-wan kenobi Obi-Wan Kenobi Needs a Hug

I could not keep the tenses straight in this story. Sorry.

Prologue

"Anakin Skywalker, you're insane," Obi-Wan Kenobi said with a long-suffering sigh.

"I always am," Anakin replied with a grin.

"Okay, fine. I'll stay here and make sure this location is not overrun while you go out and 'remove' the one in charge of these attacks. But be careful!"

"I always am," Anakin repeated and bound off with a jaunty wave.

-000-

The location was overrun. Obi-Wan tried to protect the citizens, but he could still hear their screams as he was dragged, half conscious, away from the burning farm.

When he woke, he was in a cell with a Force suppression collar around his neck.

Obi-Wan groaned, sitting up. He was covered with bruises, his ribs were cracked, and every breath made him cough, which made his ribs hurt, which made him gasp, which made him cough. Having his arms cuffed behind his back certainly didn't help.

His lightsaber was gone, of course.

Once he had struggled to his feet, Obi-Wan looked for a way out of his cell. It was primitive, just stone walls and metal bars. He shuffled up to the lock and groaned. Of course, the lock couldn't be as primitive.

Leaning his aching head against the bars, Obi-Wan wondered if Anakin had met with more success. The lock would be easy for his Padawan; if he even tried to unlock it rather than just using his lightsaber to cut right through the bars.

Another sigh/cough and Obi-Wan tried to reach out, to grasp their Force bond. But nothing. The collar was of good quality and cut him off from the Force completely. It was maddening, and if he hadn't suffered through one before he wouldn't be able to function even this well.

The sound of nearing footsteps brought Obi-Wan out from his light meditation.

"Ah, there is my Jedi! I love to see you up and about!" A man dressed in heavy, ornate fabrics approached, two guards, heavily armed and armored, flanking him.

"I would say that it is a pleasure to meet you, but under these circumstances…"

"Ah, of course," the man nodded, "We have not been properly introduced. I am Prince Humperdinck, of Florin."

Obi-Wan raised an eyebrow.

"The Prince of Florin. That's interesting, as the citizens that were slaughtered when you captured me claimed to be of Florin as well."

Prince Humperdinck waved a hand dismissively.

"It was the dastardly King of Everwood that attacked my people so ruthlessly!"

Obi-Wan raised an eyebrow at the rather obvious ploy.

"I find it difficult to believe that the familiar gentlemen behind you hail from Everwood."

The two guards grinned.

Humperdinck also gave a vicious smile.

"Ah, but that is what my people believe. And I had to protect my people! So, I happened to mention to the Dread Pirate Roberts that there was a great deal of gold in Everwood's coffers. I also happened to attack and draw out Everwood's troops just as the pirate made his unexpected assault!"

As Humperdinck bragged about his plan, Obi-Wan's stomach sank. According to their last intel, the King of Everwood was the leader of the local warlords, and he was the one that Anakin had gone to find.

Humperdinck leaned forwards, his grin never faltering.

"I also heard that there was a Jedi that was cornered by the pirates. I would have paid a pretty penny to collect him as well, but," Humperdinck shrugged, a malicious glint in his eye, "It is well-known that the Dread Pirate Roberts never takes prisoners."

Obi-Wan paled and fought to hide his reaction to the news. Anakin. Anakin couldn't be… He would have felt it. He would know!

"After the capital was destroyed and the people of Everwood sadly minus a King, I kindly let them join my kingdom of Florin."

The casual way that Humperdinck talked about taking over a neighboring kingdom was nothing new to Obi-Wan.

But Anakin…

Obi-Wan's eyes were distant and as the prince droned on, all he could do was try to follow that thin strand that bound him to Anakin.

Obi-Wan was brought back to the present when Prince Humperdinck grabbed him by the hair and forced Obi-Wan to look up at the taller man.

Obi-Wan pulled away, falling backward onto his tailbone with a startled exclamation.

Humperdinck looked down at him with a considering eye. The prince waved over a servant.

"See that he is cleaned up and properly attired. Then bring him to the 'special' guest quarters."