Inigo POV
"Fezzik! Fezzik! Listen. Do you hear? That is the sound of ultimate suffering. My heart made that sound when the six-fingered man slaughtered my father. The man in black makes it now." Inigo said.
"The man in black?" asked Fezzik.
"We must find him! He defeated both of us honorably, rescued the Jedi we kidnapped, and they both made it through the Fire Swamp. This is a man who can help me defeat the six-fingered man!"
Inigo and Fezzik trace the screams to the tree grove where they find an albino working a wheel-barrow.
"Where is the man in black?" Inigo asked the albino.
The man didn't respond.
"Fezzik, jog his memory."
Fezzik hit the albino on the top of his head, and the man falls over from the blow, knocked unconscious.
"I'm sorry Inigo. I didn't mean to jog him so hard." Fezzik apologized.
"Inigo?" he asked, watching his friend kneel on one leg.
Holding his sword high, Inigo speaks to the heavens.
"Father, I have failed you for twenty years. Now our misery can end. Somewhere, somewhere close by is a man who can help us. I cannot find him alone. I need you. I need you to guide my sword, please. Guide my sword."
Inigo stands, eyes closed, and follows his sword. It sticks into a nearby tree.
Inigo's head falls. He has failed, again. Depression settling into his bones, he leans against the tree.
The tree opens.
Inigo looks over at Fezzik, jaw dropping. Then Inigo plunges into the secret entrance, Fezzik lumbering after him.
Making their way down into a dungeon, Inigo inhales sharply as he sees the still form of the man in black strapped to a table. His mask has been stripped off and there is a thick metal collar that has been revealed by the torn neckline of his loose shirt.
A Jedi, like the man they had kidnapped? No wonder the man had come for them!
Fezzik leaned down and put his ear on the man's chest.
"He's dead."
"This is not fair," Inigo growled, frustrated.
A Jedi could help him kill the six-fingered man for sure. Inigo suddenly remembered someone who might be able to help.
"The Montoya's have never taken defeat easily. Come Fezzik, bring the body."
"The body?" Fezzik asked while lifting the man in black.
"Have you any money?"
"I have a little."
"I just hope it's enough to buy a miracle, that's all," Inigo said determinedly, leading the way out of the dungeon.
Finally arriving at a small wooden house unmolested (as no one would dare question Fezzik about the body) Inigo knocked at the door.
"Go away!" an elderly voice croaked.
Inigo knocked again. He was not leaving until he got his miracle.
Finally, an old, grey-haired man opened a flap in the door.
"What?!"
"Are you the Miracle Max who worked for the king all those years?" Inigo asked.
"The king's stinking son fired me. And thank you so much for bringing up such a painful subject. While you're at it, why don't you give me a nice paper cut, and pour lemon juice on it? We're closed!"
The old man, Max, slammed the flap and Inigo sighed, resuming his knocking.
"Beat it or I'll call the brute squad!" Max cried through the door.
"I'm on the brute squad," Fezzik rumbled, still holding the body.
The old man peeked out.
"You are the brute squad!" he exclaimed.
"We need a miracle. It's very important." Inigo said.
"Look, I'm retired. Besides, why would you want someone the king's stinking son fired? I might kill whoever you want to make the miracle for."
Inigo inwardly gave a dark chuckle.
"He's already dead."
A long pause.
"He is, eh? I'll have a look. Bring him in."
Max opened the door, revealing a cluttered room.
Inigo gestures for Fezzik to set the body down on the large table in the center of the room.
Max hunches over the body of the man in black, raising an eyebrow at the collar and looking up at Inigo in surprise. Inigo shrugs and Max gives a shake of his head as he resumes his examination.
"I've seen worse." The hunched old man says, tilting his head. He continues to poke around.
After what seems like an eternity, Inigo can't take it anymore.
"Sir, we're in a terrible rush." Inigo says, shifting his weight impatiently.
"Don't rush me, Sonny. You rush a Miracle-Man, you get rotten miracles. You got money?"
"Sixty-five."
"Sheesh! I never worked for so little; except once and that was a very noble cause."
Inigo thought quickly. What would the old man consider a noble cause?
"This is noble sir. His wife is...crippled...children on the brink of starvation..." Inigo lied.
"Are you a rotten liar!" Max exclaimed, seeming amused.
Inigo leaned over the table, fire in his veins.
"I need him to help avenge my father, murdered these twenty years."
"Your first story was better. Where's that bellows cramp? He probably owes you money, huh? Well, I'll ask him."
"He's dead. He can't talk." Inigo says in confusion.
"Oh! Look who knows so much, eh? It just so happens that your friend here is only mostly dead. There's a big difference between mostly dead and all dead. Please, open his mouth."
Confused, Inigo follows the old man's orders.
Miracle Max inserts the bellows into the man in black's mouth and Inigo conceals a wince. This seems a bit too strange, even for a miracle.
"Now, mostly dead is slightly alive. Now, all dead...well, with all dead, there's usually only one thing that you can do."
"What's that?"
"Go through his clothes and look for loose change." Max says with a little chuckle.
Inigo does not find him amusing.
Max pumps air into the mostly dead Jedi and yells at him.
"Hey! Hello in there! Hey! What's so important? Whatcha got here, that's worth living for?"
Max pushes on the man's chest.
"Faith…full..ness…" comes out as a barely audible whisper.
Inigo's heart pounds in his chest. Honor. Everything was honor with this man. A worthy man for his quest!
"You heard him! You could not ask for a more noble cause than that!"
"Sonny, being faithful is great but it's nothing to a nice MLT - Mutton, lettuce, and tomato sandwich - when the Mutton is nice and lean, and the tomatoes ripe. They're so perky. I love that." Max said, his eyes distant as he licked his lips.
Inigo growled.
"But being faithful is not really something that's noble. I mean it is all well and good to not stray from your wife…"
"Liar! Liar! Liarrrrrrr!" an old woman screamed, coming out of a backroom.
Inigo reached for his sword, startled.
"Get back, witch!" Max snapped.
"I'm not a witch, I'm your wife. But after what you just said, I'm not even sure I want to be that anymore!"
"You never had it so good," the old man replied.
Max smiled at Inigo, who was very confused and more than slightly aggravated.
"Faithfulness, who said that, Max?"
"Don't say another word, Valerie."
Inigo sighed. This is who would give him a miracle? It would be a miracle to get out of this shack without losing his hearing.
"You're afraid." Valerie said. She looked towards Inigo.
"Ever since Prince Humperdinck fired him, his confidence has shattered."
"Why'd you say that name?! You promised me that you would never say that name!" Max said, agitated.
"What, Humperdinck?" his wife asked bitingly.
Max cringed.
"Humperdinck!" she repeated.
Valerie chased Max around the room yelling as Max covered his ears.
Inigo wanted to hit his head on the table. Repeatedly.
"Humperdinck... Humperdinck! Humperdinck! Humperdinck! Humperdinck!" Valerie said in a sing-song voice.
"I'm not listening!" Max said.
"Faithfulness, life expiring and you don't have the decency to say why you won't help!"
"Nobody's hearing nothing!"
She continues to yell Humperdinck and Inigo snaps.
"This is a Jedi! He's here to rescue the one Humperdinck has. If you heal him, he will stop Humperdinck's rampage!"
"Shut up!" Max tells his wife, who falls silent.
"Wait, wait. I make him better, Humperdinck suffers?" Max asks.
"Humiliations galore!" Inigo says, leaning over the table to meet the hunched man's eyes.
"Ha! That is a noble cause! Give me the sixty-five! I'm on the job!"
"Woo hoo!" the old woman says, coming around to help Max do something in a big cauldron.
Inigo watches, looking over at Fezzik, who is fingering some black material and apparently in his own little world. Inigo shakes his head, resigned that he has to be the brains in this adventure.
They come over with a small bottle of something green and bubbling.
Inigo lets out a small sound of protest as they carefully drip it over the collar around the man in black's neck.
The collar falls off.
Glasses rattle on the walls as the air swirls. They are pushed back from the table, heavy pressure making it hard for Inigo to breathe.
The man in black inhales, chest heaving.
His blue eyes open.
"Obi-Wan!"
The Jedi sits up, then promptly falls back down.
"Ow," the man groans, his head lolling over to where Inigo was standing.
"What happened? Where have you taken me? Where is Obi-Wan?" he rasps, his eyes narrowing as they flitted between Fezzik, Inigo and the old couple.
"We got the collar off," Max gripes, "and look what you've done to my glassware."
Just then a bottle falls and shatters on the ground.
Inigo sighs.
"Why can't I move?" the man in black snaps, fisting his hands.
"The effects of the collar should start to wear off in about..." the old lady says, looking over at her husband.
"An hour!" Max says.
"An hour," she repeats with a nod.
The man in black looks momentarily relieved, then he turned his narrowed gaze on Inigo.
"Why did you bring me here? What do you want from me?"
"You are an honorable man," Inigo said, "and so we wanted to free you. But, also," Inigo continued, almost smirking as the Jedi rolled his eyes, "I want you to help me find the six-fingered man who killed my father."
"You mean Count Rugen?"
Inigo's heart stuttered.
"You know who the six-fingered man is?" he asked breathlessly.
"Yeah," the man said with a derisive snort, "He's the lovely sleemo that introduced me to the joys of his Pit of Despair. He's also the prince's right hand man."
Inigo leaned forward, his hands clawing into the edge of the wood table.
"Will you help us get in the castle so I can kill him?"
"Is Obi-Wan in the castle?" the man shot back.
"Yes."
"Then the answer is yes."
Inigo slumped forwards in relief.
The man tried to sit up, but could only lift his head.
"Well, we better get going. Will the big guy give me a lift?"
"Oh, yes!" Inigo said, gesturing to Fezzik.
"This is Fezzik."
"Hello," Fezzik said with a smile, coming towards the table.
"I am Inigo Montoya."
"I'm Anakin Skywalker. Nice to meet you formally this time," he said, "Now let's get out of here."
Inigo directs Fezzik to pick the man up again and they finally leave the shack.
"Thank you for everything," Inigo says to Max, only a bit of his exasperation leaking through- he hoped.
"Bye bye, boys!" the old lady says, standing at the door and waving them goodbye.
"Have fun storming the castle!" Max adds from next to her.
As they head out, Inigo just barely picks out the couple muttering to each other.
"Think it will work?" Valarie asks Max.
"It would take a miracle." Max responds.
Inigo sighs.